Unseen Terror 2018: Day 7

In the old west, two travelers happen upon each other. One is on his way to meet with his wife for a romantic reunion, while the other is a bounty hunter carrying a body so that he may reap the $2,000 reward that has been put out. To pass the time, the men decide to try and one up another with eerie tales.



I apologize that today's review may be rather short. I'm still under the weather, and have two lengthy overnight shifts scheduled at my store, of which will likely leave me temporarily exhausted. Still, I refuse to fall behind this year, and given how quick of a watch this one is, I'm not letting any roadblocks stop me just yet.


Grim Prairie Tales can be summarized in one breath: Darth Vader and Chucky sit around a fire and regale one another with mediocre horror fables that make those found in Are You Afraid of the Dark? look frightening in comparison. It's actually a damn shame that this picture isn't about Brad Dourif and James Earl Jones, because their interactions and exchanges of dialogue are so friggin' great. I'm of the mindset that thinks it's utterly bizarre to see the former play a "straight" man in ANY picture, while the latter has been made up to look somewhat unrecognizable (though his booming voice is nigh impossible to disguise). They're making the best of lines that most performers could never deliver without sounding utterly ridiculous, and god bless both of them for it.


As fun as the narrative may be, the "tales" themselves are remarkably dull. Our first one, which boils down to Native Americans getting revenge on an evil white guy, feels like something that would be submitted for a short film festival and forgotten about the next day. Number two revolves around a random man assisting a seemingly pregnant woman, and sports the most peculiar (and "WTF"-worthy) twist of the pack. The third is probably the most interesting and mature, but that's only because it has no supernatural ties and is focused on someone being forced into participating in a lynch mob. Our final segment, where a gunslinger believes he is being haunted by someone he previously shot, has a ton of potential (and an actor who is dead ringer for Tim Roth), but feels very rushed and ends with a bit of a whimper.


In the world of horror anthologies, Grim Prairie Tales is among the weakest. Despite a small handful of fun moments and some great chemistry between Jones and Dourif, it just doesn't have enough pizazz to warrant an immediate viewing. Hopefully someone will just cut all of the scenes involving the two most well-known performers into one short film on YouTube, so that you can otherwise avoid this entirely. As it stands, there is no legal way to obtain this collection, and unless you feel like spending a good chunk of change on a VHS tape, you are likely going to have to visit a bootleg booth at your local convention like I did (shoutout yet again to the VHSPS guys).



Tomorrow, I feel as though we're owed a solid slasher flick. So, let's stay outside and set up camp, shall we?

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 6

Kate Miller isn't content with her life of utter monotony, and she has been particularly frustrated with her sex life as of late. After she fails to seduce her shrink, she eventually crosses paths with a mysterious individual, of whom she sleeps with that very same day. When she awakens, she leaves his apartment, but has to turn around when she realizes that she has left her wedding ring back in his flat. As soon as the elevator doors open, she is violently attacked by a woman dressed in black, and her corpse, along with a glimpse of this assailant, is discovered by Liz, a high price prostitute. Taken in for police custody, not only is Liz the lone witness to what may have occurred, but also a potential suspect. Worse yet, Kate's murderer is still on the loose, and may be setting their eyes on her now!



If you were to talk to me whenever I decide to venture out into the real world, you'll occasionally hear me wax poetic over the works of American filmmaker Brian De Palma. The man has directed some of the most celebrated pieces of cinema over the past forty years, including Carrie, Scarface, and The Untouchables. He's often compared to esteemed legends such as Alfred Hitchcock, though with an added sexual and occasionally shockingly violent edge to the pictures of his own. Despite all of that, I realize that I have never sat down to watch a good chunk of his filmography. I figured that it would be better late than never, and after much debating, settled with one of his "breakout" pieces: 1980's shocker known as Dressed to Kill.


Garnering much attention during the time of its release (and even being forced to trim thirty seconds in order to avoid the dreaded "X" rating), it's not hard to see why this could create a bit of controversy. Palma's script doesn't exactly paint the New York City found within Dressed to Kill as a very optimistic one. It's quite dour, with glimmers of hope found mostly throughout its first thirty or forty minutes. It's very likely that De Palma's earlier motion pictures seem to be equally inspired by not just Hitchcock, but the Italian "Giallo" pieces that were all the rage during this time period. The handling of the violent sequences are shot in such a threatening manner, though they obviously aren't nearly as visually vibrant as something found in say, Suspiria. But the camera work in Dressed to Kill might be its best attribute. There is one lengthy sequence which involves Kate (Angie Dickinson of Rio Bravo fame) and a stranger seemingly pursuing one another inside of an art museum, and the entire thing is devoid of any dialogue (save for some occasional grunts), letting the camera and the accompanying score by longtime De Palma collaborator Pino Donaggio, who delivers eerie, yet savagely beautiful compositions, do nearly all of the work.


It should be mentioned that obviously what makes most of Dressed to Kill's suspenseful moments work is a very strong cast. Our leads work in fields that can often cause depression: Michael Caine is a hardened psychiatrist, Angie Dickinson is a bored housewife, and Nancy Allen is a call girl.  There are exceptional performances all around, and it made me realize that I had never seen Allen in much outside of Carrie and Robocop, which left me feeling as though her performance surprised me the most. I'm a little upset that she, along with Caine and De Palma were apparently nominated at the Razzie Awards for their jobs in front of and behind the camera, but I've read that Allen also received a Golden Globe nod, so that's soothes the pain a bit. They help make a story, though not the most extravagant on paper, feel all the more interesting than your average "whodunit" picture.


Alas, here's where I have to be a bit of a debbie downer: while Dressed does contain some rather clever elements and twists, I'm certain that it could trigger a good chunk of modern day cinephiles, and some themes and commentary would absolutely not fly in today's world. There's a depiction of African American males at a Subway station that's fairly cliched, and the movie's primary twist and its subsequent explanation/analysis afterwards could truly ruffle some feathers. Personally, outside of some exchanges between Allen and supporting actor Keith Gordon towards the end, I didn't find it to be too bothersome. But OOF, those final ten minutes sure do feel like a slap in the face, and instead of ending on a more ominous note, it goes for the kind cheap finale that always drives me nuts. Still, considering everything else that leads up to that eyerolling moment, this is only a small black mark on an otherwise fine production.


I'm not entirely sure about whether Dressed to Kill even qualifies as a horror movie, because it bears a closer resemblance to an erotic thriller/mystery hybrid more than anything else. Still, as I have stated in the past, the genres are more closely affiliated with one another than the average joe would care to admit, and both desire the same reaction: to shock, frighten, and occasionally disturb you. Regardless of whatever you wish to file it under, it's a damn fine film and one of the very best that I've seen from the director. You can currently pick up a rather fine looking DVD or Blu-Ray from Criterion, and it's also available to stream on Amazon Prime.



Tomorrow, the VHSPS folks are back a second round, and it seems as though they're bringing a couple of familiar faces with them into the fire!

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 5

Howard Hallenbeck and his family have traveled to Ireland so that he may research and photograph religious iconography. While he visits a church and meets the clergy, three farmers are out working in a field and attempt to remove a rather large stone column that's seemingly stuck in the ground.. Though two of the men call it quits and head home, the last of them is successful, and smoke erupts from below. Something sinister and otherworldly has awakened: the demigod known as "Rawhead Rex," and his thirst for blood is insatiable.



My familiarity with Clive Barker's "Books of Blood" collections isn't nearly as strong as my knowledge of the films that have his name attached to them. Obviously his most well-known of these adaptations is that one little ditty that he also got lucky enough to direct, but the rest of his works have received mixed reactions from fans and audiences alike. Prior to when moviegoers were exposed to the world of the Cenobites, one of his short stories was given the big screen treatment. Not long after its theatrical release, this effort known as Rawhead Rex was also disowned by the British author himself. But was he right to dismiss the final product?

Around the same time (a.k.a. almost immediately after the credits on this had rolled) that I decided to watch Rawhead Rex, I was lucky enough to listen to some audio recordings of the story itself on YouTube. Perhaps I should have put doing something like that aside, because it just makes watching this all the more disheartening. You can see why Barker was upset, because while the aura throughout the movie itself is unmistakably that of the man himself, there is just a lot working against it. First and foremost, Rex himself is just....okay, there is no point in being nice here. Rex looks BAD. Rather than resemble a towering, nine foot tall demon (google his name, and you'll be shocked about what he looks like on paper vs what he looks like on screen), he is far more similar to a professional wrestler wearing a bad latex costume. Reportedly, the effects crew had only been given less than a month's worth of time to create the design of Rex, and the rushed results show. Thankfully, actor Heinrich von Schellendorf does a fairly competent job at playing the titular villain, even if he does appear to be cheap-looking. The rest of the cast is fairly forgettable (save for Ronan Wilmot's character of a priest gone mad), but most of them are only present so that they can appear startled by the entire experience. David Dukes is fine as the main protagonist as well, but prior to something unexpected that happens around the time of the third act, he's not the most interesting of people to watch.


Though I always expect some gore to be found throughout most works of Clive Barker, there is still some surprisingly decent violent bits thrown into Rawhead Rex. One small taboo is broken later on, which definitely took me (and likely you) by surprise. It adds another layer of drama and heartache to a film that so desperately needed it. Making matters better, the third act just seems to say "screw it," and goes into full-on Bonkers Barker mode. People are getting thrown around Royal Rumble style, there's a big explosion outside of a church, and Rex does something quite unthinkable with a cleric that will stick with you regardless of your opinion of the picture as a whole. It almost makes up for the first two thirds being so inconsistent and mostly mediocre. Almost.


This bad boy really is a tossup for someone like me. It's absolutely messy and ultimately more goofy than I'm sure it ever intended of being, but even the tiniest of positive aspects about Rawhead Rex still make it fairly watchable. If you can get over the absolutely stupid-looking monster design and the fact that it does slip into dull territory once in a while, there's a reasonably fun "B" movie to be found. This black sheep of Cliver Barker-affiliated projects can be found on DVD and Blu-Ray from Kino Lorber, and from what I've heard, the 4K restoration from the original negative makes it look like an entirely different film.



Or you can wait for Clive Barker's proposed remake that he expressed interest in doing three years ago. I'd be shocked if that gets off the ground before a much needed Hellraiser remake or reboot.



Tomorrow, we're going to keep it classy and let the Criterion crew help us with the sixth day's entry!

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 4

A space shuttle called "Nautilus" is heading back to earth, but unexpectedly, it passes through a cloud of alien spores. The lone occupant, a simple man named Steve, is mutated by this exposure and turns into a giant, bloodthirsty creature. Nautilus crashes into a Florida swamp, and it doesn't take long for this new beast to begin wreaking havoc on the populace. It feeds on people as if they were snacks, spreads new, infectious spores of its own, and eventually catches the attention of a small band of town folk. Will they be able to band together and bring down this behemoth, or has its evil spread too far too quickly ?

I mean, how else am I going to start a review of any picture with the likes of Fred Olen Ray AND Jim Wyorski attached to it? For those unfamiliar with that gruesome twosome: if you're of my age, and have ever looked at most crappy straight-to-video "B" movies or late night Skinamax parodies from the early 1990s up until about the mid-2000s, there's a strong chance that they're involved somehow (though at least Wynorski has Chopping Mall to his name). It's arguable about whether they're the proper successors to guys like Ed Wood or not because unlike that infamous director, it wouldn't surprise me if they were conscious about their projects being quite lousy. As someone who was not fully aware of their involvement with Dark Universe, a blind buy from this past weekend's Monster Mania Convention in Hunt Valley, Maryland, I feel that properly reviewing something of this quality is like attempting to discuss flicks like Pocket Ninjas and Samurai Cop to the general public: it's beyond fucking hard.


First off, props to the VHSPS people for providing a very authentic replication of this movie's initial release. There's coming attractions for other obscure flicks that start right after I pressed "play" on this bootleg's main menu (one of which included Joe Piscopo, of whom I still harbor a grudge against because of Dead Heat). It's still absolutely a rip from a video tape, but there's TLC put into this. It sports a nice cover and wraparound that makes you truly feel like you've been teleported back to the glorious days of when video store chains could be found within reasonable driving distance. And with that, the authentic praise officially ends. Because oh boy, we've got a rough one here folks.


Dark Universe was reportedly shot for $40,000 over the span of ten days, and that sounds fairly accurate. The cast consists of Joe Estevez, who is his family's equivalent of a Zero Bar, and nobody else worth a damn. The former must have been rented out for a singular day, as he only appears in the opening scene and several television interviews that are scattered throughout its running time. Maybe they forgot that they had him at their disposal? As for the rest of them.....well, I'd say that they're not exactly capable of hanging with the best of the best, but when you consider what they have to work with, it's unfair to get mad at them. Perhaps the only standout comes from the resident "science guy" in the group, but it's hard to take him seriously when he's dressed like a dollar store Boy Scout troupe leader. Also, there's a ton of unnecessary breast exposure, but that's Jim "Bare Wench Project" Wynorski for ya.


Obviously, the technical aspects of Dark Universe are about what you'd expect from Ray and Wynorski (aka they're quite terrible). I'm guessing that part of the budget must have gone into making the monster, which was emitting some seriously bad VR Troopers vibes. It sports the ability to suck people dry ala the villain Cell from the Dragon Ball franchise, and uses a darting tongue not unlike that of a Xenomorph. When parts of it break off, they change into spores (which for all intents and purposes look like giant boogers) and can possess human hosts. Because of course it can. There's also a moment around the fifty-one minute mark where I audibly yelled "HOLY SHIT, A RABID ARMADILLO ON A STICK." I should have properly prepared myself for something like this, and I curse the fact that I couldn't drink while watching it. Bit of advice kids: don't work in retail. It'll kill any regular routine that you may wish to have.


Dark Universe is what would happen if you threw Predator, Alien, and The Fly into a blender, then threw that device into a dumpster fire. Hell when writing this review, I had to make sure that this wasn't already on Redlettermedia's "Best of the Worst" video series. In no world will this ever be called even a halfway decent picture, but it IS perfect "get drunk with your friends and laugh at it" material. Maybe I should have saved this one for the weekend. As of this time, there is no respectable way to purchase this turd (there's a DVD on Amazon that has Ray's face plastered on the bottom left of the cover), but if you're interested in seeking it out in any way, shape, or form, perhaps a visit to your local horror convention is the best method of obtaining it.



Also, why is it called Dark Universe when the film takes place in fucking Florida of all places?



Ugh, this film man. This film.



Tomorrow, we're gonna get back to viewing more "credible" material and welcome our old friend Clive Barker back to the blog!

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 3

The Japanese have launched a probe dubbed "Helios 7" into space, in the hopes that it will study the planet Jupiter and return to earth after three and a half years with a collection of data. Unknown to everyone, the device is overtaken by an alien entity, and Helios 7 is later seen careening towards the South Pacific. It crashes into the water, and the "passenger" exits after choosing to inhabit the body of a cuttlefish. In the meantime, photographer Taro Kudo has gathered an entourage to head to the mysterious Selgio Island, which is rumored to contain giant creatures previously unseen by the human eye. While there, they meet some island natives and discover that they worship something referred to as "Gezora," which is revealed to look very similar to a certain type of mollusk found under the sea...



Since its inception in 2011, I've tried to include at least one Kaiju-related project for Unseen Terror. The results have been rather mixed (to say the least), but I've been lucky enough to be exposed to solid flicks like the Japanese cut of Rodan and 2016's stunningly great Shin Godzilla. That doesn't mean that a fanatic such as myself has seen every "guy in a suit" movie released to date though, and given how wide Toho's catalog is, there's bound to be a few flicks that slipped through my hands when given an opportunity to watch them for this marathon. In 2018, one such movie is 1970's Space Amoeba (a.k.a. Yog-Monster From Space), which was the first foray into that decade from noteworthy distributors Toho Co. It's amassed a small following, but is mostly forgotten by casual fans of this genre. After sitting through its running time of eighty-four minutes, perhaps there's a valid reason for that.


One very important thing to remember about Space Amoeba is that it marked the first Toho Kaiju Eiga project without the involvement of Eiji Tsuburaya. For those of you who are not aware of that name, he is most well known as the special effects director for the Godzilla franchise, and even helped co-create the "Big G." He is also the mastermind behind the equally influential Ultraman series, and is viewed as a rather prolific and important person in the realm of Japanese cinema. Due to his sudden death, I'm certain that the crew and figureheads were still reeling from this loss, and his absence can be felt throughout. Nothing feels quite as impactful without his supervision from behind the scenes, and the usual staples found in previous entries of the studio's filmography seem underwhelming this time around. The special effects, though somewhat competent, feel slightly average rather than vibrant. On the flip side, Space Amoeba manages to sport three different monsters that are actually all fairly neat, if not unspectacular in terms of designs. The giant cuttlefish Gezora looks great when he isn't actually attempting to "walk," and his brief appearances underwater aren't too shabby either. The giant matamata turtle Kamoebas is perfectly serviceable too, and kind of cute in an ugly sort of way. Giant crab Ganime is perhaps the biggest disappointment, as its screen time is mostly limited to the final seven minutes or so, and it fails to deal any real damage to our heroes or the island natives. Only two out of these three beasts would see returns to this world over the next several decades, though one is via stock footage and the other as a corpse post-Godzilla attack.


Plot-wise Space Amoeba is a bit jumbled, though certainly unique. There were moments where I had to pause the picture just to try and put all of the pieces together without saying "Why are these people here exactly?" The plain jane characters don't necessarily help to keep your attention either, and the usually great director Ishiro Honda can't get series veterans like Akira Kubo (Destroy All Monsters, Throne of Blood) and Kenji Sahara (Mothra vs. Godzilla, War of the Gargantuas) to turn in performances that even by "giant monster movie" standards are still fairly weak. Worse yet, the score provided by the tremendously talented Akira Ifukube is nothing to write home about compared to what he's capable of turning in (Space Amoeba's most memorable composition is just a reworked piece from King Kong vs. Godzilla). Still, as mixed up as the storyline can be, there are some rather neat aspects in Space Amoeba that you weren't really getting around the time of its release. As what I can assume is a throwback to their earliest efforts, there is no heroic, gargantuan protagonist, nor is there even military that can come for backup. It boils down to the tried and true formula of man vs beast. The concept of an organism that infects a host, causing it to grow thirty stories high, is akin to something seen in television shows like Power Rangers, and the fact that this group of humans are far from stupid is a rarity. Well, minus one specific sequence. Earlier in the picture, someone says "Well, I don't believe monsters exist until I see one." Given the future appearances of the aforementioned creatures in Godzilla sequels, then one must assume that this is all set within the same universe. There are kaiju attacks occurring nearly every year around the world, and especially in Japan. They make the news. Your taxes help pay for it. THEY. ARE. REAL. Therefore,

Space Amoeba isn't the worst Toho-produced kaiju flick that you'll see, but I could only see diehards feeling the need to own this one. Other than sporting some halfway decent designs and humans who aren't complete incompetent cannon fodder, nothing is altogether very memorable, and by the time that things finally start to get fun, most of your interest has already waned. Still, I didn't completely dislike the picture, and it could make for a fun marathon watch with some like-minded friends. This second-to-last flick directed by Ishiro Honda is free to stream for Amazon Prime members, and Tokyo Shock released a DVD quite a few years ago that is close to going out of print. So, if you have a strong desire to watch city folk fight against a giant crab that also briefly fights against a giant long-necked turtle, you might want to make that purchase as soon as you can.



If you can't act in time, then maybe you should just turn on a BBC doc-

….Crap, I already made that joke.




Anyway, come back tomorrow for day 4, where in space, nobody can hear you rip off other franchises...

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 2

A crew of mercenaries head out across the South China Sea in hopes of robbing a prominent cruise ship called the Argonautica, which is owned by millionaire Simon Canton. As soon as the barge is set for sail, it suddenly comes into contact with a large, unknown object in the water. Shortly afterwards, the crew of hijackers approach the Argonautica, preparing to sink the large vessel as soon as their job is done. Upon arrival, however, there seems to be no sign of the passengers and discover nothing but blood on board. Those who have survived band together with these intruders to combat something out of the ordinary that has surfaced from deep within the waters: hideous, tentacled worm-like monstrosities with an appetite for human flesh.



Prior to my first time viewing, I had very few memories of Deep Rising's mere existence. It seemed lost in the shuffle with other "natural horror" films from around the time such as Lake Placid and Anaconda. Those of you who know me are well aware of my love for most things related to this subgenre, be they from the states or from overseas. There's something so utterly fun about watching humanity constantly struggle with (un)earthly creatures that are hellbent on either eating us or smashing all of our cities beneath their feet. Unfortunately, I wish that Deep Rising could be held in the highest regards with other heavyweights in these categories, but there is just so much working against this film that I came out rather frustrated.


Unlike a lot of natural horror from throughout the decades, Deep Rising doesn't seem completely aware that it's a B movie. It fails to take full advantage of the very silly concept by making the audience think that everything uttered by our protagonists seemed important. Even the goofiest moments of flicks like Anaconda seemed self-aware that they weren't exactly making a motion picture of high quality and ultimately told those in attendance "okay, let's just go with it. Go grab a pint." Here, most of this movie is taking the material so seriously and notable director Stephen Sommers fails to recognize most of the horror aspects. Nothing really feels scary, and the hideous late 90s CGI prevents the audience from being able to enjoy what practical effects and props that there are.


Deep Rising's biggest weakness comes in the form of the "characters." I have to use quotes there, because most of the cast barely constitute as those. Treat Williams (Dead Heat, Hair), Famke Janssen (X-Men, Goldeneye), Cliff Curtis (Fear the Walking Dead), Not-Nick Nolte (Anthony Heald of Silence of the Lambs fame), and nearly everyone here that you can find on IMDB are undoubtedly talented performers, but with the combination of a weak script and very little time spent getting to know or sympathize with them, you just don't find anybody worth rooting or caring for. There's admittedly a good chunk of people who will say that such a thing isn't a big problem for a movie about something beneath the sea slaughtering people, but I will always look to Jaws as an argument for why strong characters matter in flicks like these. There is however one memorable character among the bunch, and he ends up being the very worst component of this film. Director Stephen Sommers has a tendency to cast Kevin J. O'Connor in most of his projects, including follow-up pictures such as The Mummy and Van Helsing. Similar to those efforts, O'Connor's "Joey" is beyond irritating, but unlike his roles in those two releases, they want the audience to root for him during its entire duration. He's like Private Hudson of Aliens fame, only without any moments of being able to delve into badassery, which just results in him being a whiney nuisance. Speaking of the James Cameron classic, the similarities between this property and that one are surprisingly more abundant than any newcomer will expect. I won't go into every little aspect since it would take up too much of this review, but let's just say that the only thing missing was a little girl to accompany the crew.


There is potential hidden within Deep Rising to be a truly fun cheesy action/horror hybrid. I did fail to mention some above average bloodshed and some fairly decent makeup work courtesy of Rob Bottin (The Thing, Robocop), but I just couldn't fully get on board with it. It feels like a precursor to all of those awful SyFy channel movies from the mid-2000s and beyond (its mediocrity may be the reason as to why this never received any sequels). Unless you're a completist of all things 90s, then I wouldn't strongly recommend this one. As of this moment, there is a packed Blu-ray available from Kino Lorber, and as of now, you can also view it on streaming services such as HBO Go.



Or you can just go watch 1977's Tentacles instead.


Wait, that one is worse.


Erm....maybe you should just watch a BBC documentary.



Tomorrow, the monster parade continues with an obscure release from Toho !

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 1

I won't lie to the few of you who do read this. I had lost a lot of energy and interest for maintaining this blog, as I felt it was (and still is) easier to post and keep track of my reviews through other social media outlets such as Letterboxd (find me on there as Woodshatter1985) and even Instagram. The process of writing full-length thoughts that occasionally devolved into ramblings and excuses to pad out the breakdown of movies seemed less problematic through those sites. My love for cinema will likely never die, but this blog very well could.


And yet....

....you can bet your ass that while a majority of my "big" movie reviews will still end up on Letterboxd, this yearly marathon, wherein I watch at least thirty-one different horror-related motion pictures for the first time, ain't going anywhere. This began in 2011 as a passion project, and it will continue to exist so long as I don't lose the ability to hear or see. Besides, what else am I going to do with all of these recent purchases? Let them collect dust? Sell them to sketchy individuals on sites like Craigslist? Let's jump right in, shall we?

The Carters are your average American family partaking in your average American vacation. While on the road to Los Angeles, they stop near the Nevada desert for gas. The owner of the store, an elderly gentleman named Fred, urges them to not stray from their path and stick to the main road. Not fully heeding his advice, they swerve and crash after nearly running over a rabbit. Bob, the father of the Carters, decides to walk on foot back to Fred's for assistance while the other members are left to care for the damaged vehicle. It doesn't take long for this group to realize that something is very amiss, as strange and mortifying incidents begin to occur, including the disappearance and mutilation of one of the family pets. It's a distinct possibility that out in the wide, blazing desert, they aren't as alone as they may think they are.



It has been uttered many times since the untimely and tragic demise of Wes Craven that the man helped to reinvent the horror genre on at least three separate occasions. The most notable features in his catalog are The Last House on the Left, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Scream. Lost among those juggernauts, however, are some real underrated and equally noteworthy gems. I've previously reviewed flicks like The Serpent and the Rainbow for Unseen Terror, and I'll even champion some of his later works like Red Eye. While compiling this year's list, it suddenly occurred to me that I had somehow never seen his 1977 effort The Hills Have Eyes, which is held in very high regard by the horror community. So, with Arrow Video having recently re-released it on Blu-ray (more on that below), let's dive right into this story about cannibals out in the middle of the desert.


The first thing you notice about this late 70s flick is that it looks very, very dirty. Throughout its brisk running time, The Hills Have Eyes just looks scuzzy, which gives it a very uncomfortable vibe. It feels as though the people behind the camera and in the director's chair were intent on making you feel like you could potentially be watching an underground tape of innocents preparing to be attacked and eaten in the future. In a way that I'm certain wasn't coincidental, it resembles some other pictures from around the same time period such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the like. It's an ugly view of what some still perceive to be a beautiful world in the eyes of mom and pop. This is pure grindhouse and midnight movie madness, and I can imagine that this would have made for an excellent late night feature at your local cineplex back in the day.


Outside of the strange aura, Craven's effort sports a very fine cast of performers in front of the camera. Fan favorite Dee Wallace (Cujo, E.T., Critters) is instantly recognizable and even newcomers like myself shouldn't have much difficulty identifying the rather creepy Michael Berryman, whose career was kickstarted thanks to an appearance in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and his portrayal here of a lunatic cannibal who is intent on just trying to help his other family members survive, no matter what kind of despicable acts he may have to commit alongside of them. As good as he is, his brethren are equally as sinister. Cannibal dad Jupiter (James Whitworth) and Berryman's brother Mars (Lance Gordon) lead many of these horrible acts, including a crucifixion and a late night assault on a trailer, in what had to be one of the most intense sequences I've seen in any Craven-directed movie. Accompanying most of the terrifying moments is a rather good score from Don Peake, whose pieces could be isolated and played outside of your complex to scare away nearly anyone. Hills is forty years old, and yet something like this could easily rival anything put out in theaters these days. There is one ray of light in the hills folks though, as youngest sibling Ruby (Janus Blythe) is constantly abused because even she can see that what constantly happens around her is wrong. The cruelty and just flat-out "meanness" of these crimes and acts can be a major turnoff for those who are just looking for their horror movies to be dumb and fun, but all one has to do is look at the plot synopsis to realize that this isn't going to be a walk in the park.


All of my praising aside, there are some very minor things to nitpick about The Hills Have Eyes. Outside of the villains, who are very charismatic and immediately memorable, I didn't find any of the main cast to be anything special. Dee Wallace is good as always, but there were often times where I felt as though some of their acting was a bit stifled. Mercifully, their numbers are thinned out after the second act, so that complaint became nearly null and void. It also does take quite a bit for things to start getting really interesting, so some of the more impatient horror fans could end up staring at their phones more than they should (*cue angrily shaking fist at damn kids these days*). And despite the fact that the final twenty minutes do emphasize that this is ultimately a battle of family v. family and that perhaps we ourselves are more monstrous than we initially thought (there is undoubtedly some hidden messages in here about the treatment of those "different" from us), the ending is kind of a wet fart. Yet after viewing the alternate one on the Blu-ray, I suppose that it is slightly more fitting.


I'm rather glad that I started off this year's marathon with The Hills Have Eyes. It's a demented little experience that's chocked full of creepy moments, memorable antagonists, and it sports one of the best middle segments that I've seen in a Craven movie to date. If you have the cash to spare, make sure to nab the previously-mentioned Blu-Ray from Arrow Video. This thing is CRAMMED with special features, including retrospective pieces, three commentary tracks, outtakes, and a great 4K restoration which gives the viewer what must have felt like the most authentic theatrical experience possible. There's also a wonderful foldout, double-sided poster and a thirty-four page booklet which discusses various aspects of the release, including its impact on the genre and how they were able to work on the transfer for this home video release. It should make a bloody great addition to your collection.



Speaking of bloody, this is also equally the best and worst advertisement for owning a German Shepherd. On one hand, they can be panicky. On the other, they can prove to be more efficient killers than anything that walks on two legs. Neat.



Tomorrow, we're venturing far away from the desert and down to the bottom of the sea! Will I find hidden treasures? Or should what lurks in the "Deep" put me out of my misery as soon as humanly possible?