Unseen Terror 2020: Days 26-31

 Note to self: look up "YouTube for Dummies" at work when you get the chance to.

Oh....erm, you weren't supposed to see that.

Let's just, uh, get these things out of the way. Thankfully I try to save the good stuff for the end of this yearly marathon, and I think that every film I'll (briefly) discuss is worth going out of your way to watch.

I don't quite recall how I first heard about Dario Argento's Tenebrae (heralded by many as one of his five or six magnum opuses), but I do owe it to myself to try and view every picture that he has released throughout his career. Yes, I'm aware that I didn't even watch my first film by the Italian giant until a few years ago (Phenomena, followed by Suspiria and Deep Red) but after one becomes acquainted and a tad bit obsessed with a particular director and their own unique brand or style, that shouldn't surprise you a whole lot. Tenebrae follows prolific writer Peter Neal as he takes a trip to Rome to promote his newest book: a murder-mystery novel titled "Tenebrae." Almost immediately after landing, a series of murders begins, with the killer ripping pages from the book and stuffing them into the mouths of the victims. Disturbed and confused, Neal teams up with two detectives and his assistant in an attempt to figure out who in the world is behind this string of killings and why they seem to be obsessed with the author's works. 

On the surface, fanaticism being taken a bit too far seems to be Tenebrae's primary focus, though I do believe there's a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to its themes and symbolism. This is one exceptional piece in the subgenre known as "giallo," and it will probably take me a few more viewings to dissect it. Then again, when it comes to Dario Argento, he's one of those directors whose body of work is best experienced if you are patient or possibly a little more "seasoned." Tenebrae is slow, and feels longer than it actually is. The acting is very up and down across the board, and even the presence of the recently departed John Saxon can't quite lift it up all the way. It's also, however, unmistakably stylish and incredibly well shot. The kills are executed across mostly bright surfaces and bright rooms, which makes the blood splatter stand out in a way that almost makes you feel as though you're staring at someone lose their mind inside of an art gallery. The Italian horror flicks have always managed to deliver beauty during moments of unbelievable brutality. The soundtrack is also composed by frequent Argento collaborators Goblin and to the surprise of no one it is killer. And despite my observation that Tenebrae isn't the fastest-moving picture, it never bores. If you've got some caffeine or a nice glass of wine on you, fire this one up on Shudder.

Honestly, the less I say about 1981's Dead & Buried the better. And that is NOT a bad thing, as I view this tiny gem (recommended for years by my own parents!) as one of the absolute best that I've gotten the chance to watch this season. The story is about a small town sheriff who begins to investigate a series of murders that seem to primarily involve tourists or people just passing through. Even more bizarre is when some of those individuals begin to reappear walking around the town as if nothing had occurred. Dead & Buried has one hell of a list of talent involved. Behind the camera you've got screenwriter Dan O'Bannon of Return of the Living Dead & Alien fame. On screen you've got a very solid cast which includes a young Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street) in a small supporting role and Jack Albertson (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) as a positively strange mortician who seems to be a little too proud of his work. The script for Dead & Buried is surprisingly smarter than one would expect, and it baffles me that this was categorized as a slasher movie when it really plays out more like a horror/mystery combination rather than your typical "killer in a mask stalking young adults playing teenagers" fare. There are some genuinely creepy as fuck moments in the flick, including some that played into personal phobias of mine (you'll be able to guess). It does suffer from having somewhat of a predictable final twist, but that shouldn't stop you from seeking this one out. I do hope that this finds an audience over time.

Fade to Black serves as a cautionary tale for sad weirdos like myself that you should probably take your movie obsession down a notch sometimes. The film stars Dennis Christopher (Breaking Away, Stephen King's It) as Eric, a strange and socially awkward cinephile who after having taken a bit too much shit throughout the entirety of his life, finally snaps and starts to kill those who wronged him by impersonating some of his favorite fictional characters from the silver screen. This amusing piece has been enjoying a lot more popularity over the past year or so thanks to (in my opinion) the lengthy documentary known as In Search of Darkness, which chronicles the 1980s horror scene. It isn't hard to see why this has been receiving a lot of love: the cast, which also includes a very young Mickey Rourke, is mostly solid, with Christopher turning into a wonderfully fun performance that makes Eric out to be more sympathetic than we initially think he'll be. The entire time that we are watching his descent into madness we're thinking that "the poor fucker never had a chance," and amusingly enough another character utters these very words later on towards the film's climax. I feel like most of this flick wouldn't work without Christopher (or at least its flaws would be more glaringly obvious). Unfortunately the supporting cast doesn't fare quite as well, despite as I mentioned, turning in mostly good performances. I would place a lot of that blame on what is very likely time restraints or tampering with the script. Most of Fade to Black works really damn well though, and in the end it's another nice hidden gem that has been seemingly dug out of obscurity and given a new lease on life. It's currently streaming on Shudder and is set to receive a Blu-Ray release via the reputable Vinegar Syndrome quite soon.

Here's a quick review for you of this one: if you don't like Gwar, then Phallus in Wonderland isn't likely to convert you into a new fan. Gwar released a series of full-length "movies" during the 1990s and this story of Oderus Urungus' "Cuttlefish of Cthulu" being stolen and put on trial was the very first and arguably most prolific (it was nominated for a friggin' Grammy). The movie is messy, loud, and pretty damn dumb. As someone who enjoys the band because of all three of those traits, however, I was thoroughly entertained. If anything, it also taught me that smoking crack will transport me to Antarctica and entitle me to a private Gwar concert. Neat.

I remember seeing the trailers for both of the full-length theatrical releases associated with Tales from the Crypt EVERYWHERE when I was a kid, but much like the show itself, I was never permitted to see either of them until much later on in life. Man oh man do I wish I had seen Demon Knight (one of THREE proposed pictures that were to be associated with Tales) when I was younger though: I would have ended up buying this bad boy on at least three different physical media formats. The story begins with...well, technically the Crypt Keeper giving us a quick rundown of what we're about to watch. I don't know why I expected him to NOT show up. Silly me. Anyway, it opens with William Sadler (Die Hard 2, The Shawshank Redemption) on the run from Billy Zane (Titanic, The Phantom) and him taking refuge in what was once a church that has now been converted into a boarding house. Inside we meet a gaggle of familiar faces: Thomas Haden Church (Sideways), Dick Miller (Gremlins, The Terminator, fucking EVERYTHING), CCH Pounder (Justice League Unlimited, The Shield), and Jada Pinkett (of Wicked Wisdom fame bruh) just to name a few. Some time passes and Zane shows up again, and after some ruckus has been brought, we find out that he's pursuing a very specific artifact that may in fact be the key to all of hell reigning over the earth. Demon Knight is utterly bonkers, and if I may be so eloquent, my kind of shit. The performances are what makes some pieces of 90s horror cinema so memorable (Zane in particular RULES here), the practical effects work and makeup are solid, and it manages that proper balance of horror and humor that is harder to accomplish than you'd think. Most importantly, it's FUN. I managed to catch this via a friend's Plex account, but should I have a few extra bucks lying around during Xmas time, I'm not hesitating to add this to my collection.

We reach the end....for now. The good news is that I managed to fit in thirty-one features into the month yet again. The bad news is that I have to make the sad confession that up until the year of everything being an absolute dumpster fire, I had never seen 1986's Night of the Creeps. Again, I'm very familiar with it and know that it has a very dedicated cult following, but I never really had the friends in high school to talk about this kind of stuff with so I was never able to see it from beginning to end. I often give myself shit for not planning far ahead in advance, but towards the end of last year I managed to snag the Scream! Factory Blu-Ray for Night of the Creeps from an FYE that was closing down. Usually when I begin to jot down ideas for how these marathons are going to begin and end, they both have to be heavy hitters. Oddly enough though, Night of the Creeps was a box office dud when it was first released despite receiving warm reviews from critics and audiences alike. Ah fuck it, let's just go on with it now.

The story is a VERY odd one: alien slugs crash on earth, infect their victims by crawling into their mouths, and slowly turn them into murderous zombies that simultaneously serve as breeding grounds for more of their kind. Like all fun romps, it's soon up to a small group of people to determine how in the world one stops these things and to prevent them from taking over the entire town. Night of the Creeps is a very clear homage to the golden era of 1950s sci-fi and horror movies (so much so that it's opening sequence is shot in black and white) and manages to wonderfully blend those two genres together with some comedic dialogue that mostly sticks its landing. It also features beloved genre veteran Tom Atkins as a detective who may or may not have sewn the seeds for all bad things to come decades prior to everything going down, and it's yet another reason why you can argue that he had one of the most impressive resumes of any performer during the decade of its release. I mean hell, you have Creepshow, Halloween III, Escape from New York, Lethal Weapon, The Fog, and this all released over the course of seven years! It's a shame that the man isn't held in higher regard, because he is a pure unadulterated badass throughout its running time. The rest of the cast aren't slouches by any means either and all have great chemistry with one another, but they just can't compare to the man with one of the best mustaches in Hollywood. As for the quality of the film itself though? Thankfully most of it works, and it does a pretty fun job at making you think it's going to be one type of flick before it reveals itself to be another. The practical effects work is also wonderfully gross and there are some deceptively bloody (but not gory) kills. If it weren't for the occasional bare breast or really harsh curse word, I'd even make the argument you could have gotten away with making it a very risky PG-13.

I'm not saying this because it's late, but there isn't a lot I can add about Night of the Creeps that you likely don't already know. It's an underrated gem from a decade of decadence that is chocked full of WAY too many movies that still don't have proper home video releases. It's entertaining through and through and genre fans will also get a kick out of trying to pick out all of the easter eggs hidden within. Watch it alongside either writer/director Fred Dekker's other fabulous effort that is The Monster Squad or James Gunn's not-so-subtle nod to the picture known as Slither and have yourself a good ol' time.

And......it's over.

Until tomorrow(ish).

I got more stuff to talk about.

Thanks again to anyone who paid attention, read, discussed, or even gave one quarter of a shit about this little thing I do for fun. In the meantime, I'm going to rewatch Trick 'R Treat before bed.

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 5

I'll admit that I wasn't planning on knocking out my mandatory "kaiju" flick this early into my yearly marathon, but I figured that a quick break was sorely needed before I dived back into the Texas Chainsaw franchise (specifically the remake and its ilk). There was one major problem however: as widespread and numerous as the "giant monster" genre might be, I was running out of pictures to watch. Hell at this point in 2020, I now own physical copies of nearly every Godzilla or Gamera movie on VHS, DVD, or Blu-Ray (which is something I thought would never happen due to the insanity that is licensing properties with Toho and Kadokawa). Luck would happen to be on my side though via the free streaming service known as Tubi. If you haven't checked them out before, there are some seriously good hidden gems on there from every genre you could think of. In this case, I discovered the 1996 oddity known as Zarkorr! The Invader.

The plot revolves around an average schmo named Tommy, who receives a visit from a pint-sized lady during an average evening of watching cartoons after he has clocked out from his Postal Service job. She warns him of a terrible beast named Zarkorr that has recently been unleashed on Earth, and that Tommy is the one who is destined to stop him. Naturally he has some trouble believing all of this, but all it takes is one glimpse at the news on TV to convince him that he isn't going crazy. With this new task in mind, he joins up with an attractive cryptozoologist and a random policeman in hopes that he can find out exactly HOW he can stop Zarkorr. 

Zarkorr! The Invader comes to us from the oh-so-kinda reliable Full Moon Features, who have blessed the horror community over the decades with stuff like the Puppet Master series and Prehysteria! (a favorite of mine as a kid). This was one of two pictures released under their "Monster Island Entertainment" label, which I'm guessing they thought would be more thriving considering how popular the kaiju genre is. Unfortunately, the giant monster movie genre was in a strange place at the time. Godzilla was dead and Gamera was experiencing a (GREAT) revival overseas that wouldn't hit our shores for a few years. Full Moon themselves had mostly been relegated to the realm of straight-to-video, but that doesn't mean they'd stop trying to make some mindless fun once in a while. In that regard, Zarkorr ALMOST works. The titular monster doesn't get a great deal of time on screen, but he certainly has a nifty look to him (amusingly enough, his roars are that of the Tyrannosaurus from Jurassic Park) and his scenes of rampaging are charming in their nostalgic simplicity. He fares a lot better than the human cast though. Our leads range from irritating to dull, with the only really likeable one of the bunch being Torie Lynch's "Proctor," and even then she disappears from the film after the first ten or so minutes. She plays the aforementioned valley girl-looking tiny advisor who basically explains the entire plot of the flick to Tommy before deciding that she doesn't need to be in the movie anymore.

If you're thinking to yourself "this doesn't sound particularly scary," then you are correct. This was an honest-to-Lemmy mistake on my part, because unlike old school monster pictures such as the original Gojira or Them!, there aren't a great deal of horror elements to be found in Zarkorr! The Invader. It has more in common with weekday afternoon programs like Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers or weekend evening shows on Nickelodeon (I'd say you could show this to your kids but there are some random curse words thrown around and some sexual innuendo). That all being said, it isn't a terribly....uh, terrible movie. It runs for about eighty minutes, has a fun monster, and a fantastically cheesy end credits song. And trust me when I say, it's far less offensive than other Western productions like the American version of Varan or The Giant Claw.

Unlike the latter however, I don't know if our titular monster is "as big as a battleship."

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 5 & 6

Six years ago, I was finally able to watch and review the 1983 cult classic The Deadly Spawn. It's a joyous, gory, low-budget romp which proves that one doesn't necessarily need a gigantic budget to make a truly great horror flick. Much to my surprise, however, I heard rumblings of a quasi-sequel out there on the market, and that it sported a higher budget than its predecessor. These rumors proved to be.....partially accurate, as 1990's Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor was indeed originally conceived as a follow-up to that very picture (and was even initially shot under the title of Deadly Spawn 2: The Metamorphosis), but underwent a number of drastic changes over the course of several years. The end result isn't up to par with its forefather, but does this story of a scientist infected by an alien virus that slowly mutates him into a bloodthirsty beast warrant its 4.7 rating on imdb?


Seeing as how I'm still very tired from this weekend's Monster Mania Con in Maryland, I'll try to be as nice as humanly possible: yeah, it kind of does deserve a score that low. I suppose that if I can start with the positive aspects of Metamorphosis, I'd have to begin with the effects work. Even if the feature-length film itself isn't anything to write home about, the overall designs are pretty decent. The main baddy has a look to it which seems to blend influences from the o.g. Deadly Spawn aliens, the tendril-filled horror from The Thing, and aspects that modern day fans of games like Dead Space would likely appreciate. The only flaws in its grotesque design come from when many of the movie's stop-motion moments kick in, and it does a very good job at nearly taking you out of the whole thing with just how immovable it appears to be. Yes, I know that this was during the heyday of straight-to-video 1990s schlockfests (I grew up with it after all), but I imagine that even then people would have been laughing quite a bit at the absurdity of the whole shebang. There are also more than a few cheesy segments and fights that harken back to the best moments of the "first" film, including a beatdown by one executive on a bumbling, wannabe hero that seems to last several minutes and travels across several rooms of the facility that everyone is trapped in.


While all of that nonsense will manage to elicit a fair amount of chuckles from people with an appreciation for dumb cinema, the rest of Metamorphosis is proof that sometimes you can only strike gold once. Most of the dialogue by Glenn Takakjian (who also directed) is just plain awful, or painfully cliched to the point where you'll wish that you were watching something with a slightly similar plot like The Fly II. Not helping matters is a fairly weak cast, who just seem like they don't know whether to play their roles as serious or campy. At least one of them (Allen Lewis Rickman) has several Troma movies listed in their filmography though, so at least one of them understood what was going on here. The pacing, particularly towards the end, also begins to drag and you're just as likely to breathe a sigh of relief before the final stinger at the end.


It isn't breaking new ground, but I did find Metamorphosis to be decently entertaining, though sometimes a chore to get through. It's got the right amount of bloodshed and camp to help its running time move along rather smoothly, and sports a pretty rad monster to boot, but it does feel like nothing is immediately memorable. Anyone who is longing for the days of when every VHS tape that you rented had "that one weird ass preview" on it might want to check it out. The DVD for this sucker doesn't cost a whole lot, and you can catch it on sites such as YouTube....for now.



Just be careful that you don't accidentally come across the other film released in 1990 that is also titled Metamorphosis. We don't need the horror movie equivalent of the Batushka drama, do we?





Alright, time for Day 6.

*deep sigh*



Man, what a strange and shameless piece of excrement. Prior to this year's Unseen Terror, I knew more about 1989's Shocking Dark than I cared to know, and even finally getting around to watching the film in its entirety didn't prepare me for what was to follow. The synopsis should sound very familiar to anyone and everyone who has ever forayed into the realm of science fiction/horror/action hybrids. In the year 2000, Venice has been overly polluted and ravaged. While people work on the surface in an attempt to make things more habitable, bloodthirsty creatures that lurk beneath the city start to attack them or take them below to be cocooned. Soon, a group of soldiers and civilians are sent to investigate and take down whatever threat they may encounter.


If you think that most of that plot sounds awfully similar to the one of James Cameron's Aliens, then you should be happy knowing that your brain hasn't been completely ravaged by rampant drug use. Look, I've covered many Italian horror flicks over the years on here (usually with mixed results). But Shocking Dark is easily the most shameless of the ones that I've watched to date. For about a good ninety percent of its running time, this is a direct ripoff of Aliens, only with a tinier budget, much worse acting (Geretta Geretta of Demons fame deserved far more screen time), and some pretty darn cheap effects work. Then, in a twist that nobody could have expected (unless you look at the poster), the picture decides to rip off another Cameron classic by revealing that someone in the gang of fighters is a cyborg. In a film that was already pretty incompetent and suffering from an identity crisis, this just jams another screwdriver into your head. I wasn't terribly surprised to discover that this was directed by Bruno Mattei, who's made an appearance before on this marathon with the absolutely horrendous Cruel Jaws. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but most of the man's filmography was made up of shameless ripoffs and softcore cinematic forays. Let it be known that I don't have a problem with that, but it's just a fact, and like many of his filmmaking brethren, retitling this as a fake "sequel" to a successful movie from the west wasn't beneath him.


All of my gripes and complaint aside, I do believe that a movie like Shocking Dark has to be seen at least once before you die. It isn't something that aspiring filmmakers should look up to, but you have to admire just how ballsy some of these filmmakers were with their inability to give a single fuck about many "traditional" aspects of writing or directing. Originality isn't the name of the game with many of these flicks, though building off of similar concepts seen in their American influences and adding in something truly bizarre is certainly welcome. But like I said, it isn't a good movie. At. All. Still, if you have some cash to spend (and access to good beer), Severin released a loaded Blu-Ray last year that contains a number of extras and far more attention spent on it than anyone could have expected.



Beware of incessant yelling from this film's version of Newt though.




Tomorrow, I have to go back to work, though perhaps unwrapping one of the newer Blu-Rays I picked up at Monster Mania is an option...

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 15

During the 1950s, a young couple are subjected to anti-nuclear testing, which seems to work exactly as desired according to multiple scientists. Nine months later, and coinciding with the tenth anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing, the couple give birth to a healthy baby boy. Suddenly, the happy parents burst into flames, seemingly due to as one doctor puts it "spontaneous human combustion." Decades later, their child Sam is a fully grown man, and finds that he's occasionally suffering from random physical outbursts, which start to leave odd marks on his body. It doesn't take long for him to discover the truth behind his upbringing and creation, and he doesn't handle these revelations very well.



If there's one thing that can be said about the late, great, and sorely missed Tobe Hooper, it's that he was ahead of the curve. If we are allotted another statement, then I propose that it be this: he had a weird fuckin' filmography. Several days ago, I took a gander at the very odd science fiction/horror hybrid known as Lifeforce, which was his first of three projects released by the now-defunct low budget kings Canon Films (sidenote: there's an excellent documentary about them titled Electric Boogaloo available for streaming on Netflix). After all of those features made their way to theaters, he co-wrote and directed this little ditty, which was reportedly shot in a little over a month and sported a much smaller budget than ones previously given to him by other studios. Unfortunately, it bombed rather hard, but after twenty-eight years, does it warrant a status as say, an overlooked cult favorite?


My first observation of Spontaneous Combustion came with spotting Brad Dourif in the starring role. I've actually been a bit surprised by how many films he's appeared in over the past two years of this marathon (Death Machine, Grim Prairie Tales, Cult of Chucky, Graveyard Shift), and when I picked up the DVD rip of this from VHSPS, I did a rather amateurish thing by just glancing at the cover and the brief description, all while ignoring the cast and crew involved. To the surprise of basically nobody, he is in full-on "overacting Brad" mode. Subtlety has never exactly been the man's best friend in the field of big screen performances, but that's kind of why we like him. He does manage to calm down a bit halfway through the picture when he gets a chance to meet Melinda Dillon (A Christmas Story, Close Encounters of the Third Kind), and things even start to get fairly emotional once he's settled down. Of course, you have to get past the really awkward accent that she seems unable to hold, but I digress. The character of Sam is easy to sympathize with, especially when you consider that in essence, he's a living, breathing nuclear weapon who has been lied to throughout most of his life and just can't understand what in the world is happening to his body.


Speaking of the body, Hooper manages to tap into something this time around that filmmakers such as David Cronenberg have often done: humanity's fear of decay. The idea that our bodies are rebelling against us, and we are unable to control these sudden actions that may or may not cause deterioration has always been utterly fascinating to me. True, there's a bit more cheese piled on top of this than in something like The Fly or even Akira, but it's handled fairly well here. These side effects do have a positive to them though, because we get to see Dourif run wild with the ability to control electrical fields and emit (somewhat cheap) pyrokinetic powers, which basically turn him into an X-Men character. Not since perhaps the last Grand Theft Auto video game have I seen this many poor bastards get set on fire (including John Landis in a brief, albeit fun cameo), with either Dourif unwillingly (or in the case of the third act, sometimes purposely) setting people ablaze. These horrific sequences come to a head during Spontaneous Combustion's final fifteen minutes, where Hooper must have felt obligated to inject steroids into his script. It is all very silly, and feels like a bit of an insult if you loved the sheer grittiness and mean factor that was found in his earlier flicks, but it's also immensely satisfying, and gives the creative team time to work on some nifty prosthetic effects and makeup.


From what I've gathered, there is a large contingent that seems to believe that Spontaneous Combustion is Tobe Hooper's last truly good or at least watchable motion picture. Though I have yet to lay my eyes on every body of work with his name attached to it (and would also argue for Body Bags to hold that aforementioned honor), I'd say that this is a fairly underrated work in the man's catalog. It does feel sluggish in parts, but more than makes up for any potential boredom with utter zaniness, absurd commentary on the notion of the "nuclear family," and the always wonderful Brad Dourif. I'd recommend it for people who have worn out their copies of movies like Firestarter and Scanners. Fun fact: when I was purchasing a DVD of this from the VHSPS people at Monster Mania (this makes the THIRD flick of theirs to appear on here, but not the last), I was completely unaware that it was available for streaming on Amazon Prime. Better yet, this early 90s relic is set to receive a limited Blu-Ray release on October 23rd from Sunset Films.



Maybe I need to learn how to save my money and just be patient....



…….nah. Besides, tomorrow we have to talk about some other trash I picked up from that convention!

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 10

The space shuttle Churchill is investigating a mysterious ship found within the coma of Halley's Comet. Once inside, the crew discover not just hundreds of dead bat-like creatures, but three naked humanoid bodies, who seem to be in suspended animation. They gather the specimens and plan to head back to earth, but contact is lost during their return journey. As a rescue mission is launched, the Churchill returns to our planet, but while the ship is severely damaged, the three pods containing the bodies are in perfect condition. They are taken to a research center in London, and after an autopsy is attempted on the lone female of the trio, she awakens and completely drains the life from her would-be coroner. Escaping the facility, she sets out in search of goodness knows what, while those left in shock find that her victims may not necessarily stay dead after she has absorbed their essence.



Well, seeing as how I'm only one hour removed from turning thirty-three, I figured that if I was going to close out the final hours of being thirty-two, it should be with a bigger picture from the year that I was born. Plus, according to the wonderful cesspool known as the internet, the number one movie in the world during the day of my birth was Commando, which is the furthest thing from a horror movie and something that is disqualified from my marathon. Perhaps that will be saved for another day.


Prior to his passing, Tobe Hooper had been quite vocal about his love and passion that was put into Lifeforce, which at the time took quite a beating from critics and some fans. Too weird to be properly marketed, yet nowhere near as gratuitous as the slasher pictures that dominated the box office, it's considered to be a bit of an anomaly amongst fans of horror/science fiction hybrids. After finishing it up, I think that while it's very easy to understand why people have been very critical of the final product, it's also makes for one heck of a fun ride if you know what you're in store for. Doing some research for this review, I discovered that Lifeforce was one of three motion pictures that Tobe Hooper was attached to direct after signing a three picture deal with Cannon Films. Even more surprising was the revelation that Dan O'Bannon, who wrote the screenplay for Alien and The Return of the Living Dead, was one of two individuals who put pen to paper for this project and in charge of reworking/retooling the science fiction novel The Space Vampires (I'll never badmouth romance authors for their titles again) for the big screen. The results are a very kooky, often-times dumb, but altogether entertaining flick.


Most of what drives Lifeforce is the idea of style over substance, because when you chip away the very appealing images and set pieces, the story is padded out by a bit too much exposition. There are a lot of moments that could have the audience asking why they chose to explain things that previously occurred in great retail rather than, I don't know, show it, but those moments are occasionally followed up by something strange that takes you by complete surprise (ex: a man running into a prison cell and exploding into sand). While we're on the subject of that, the first half of Lifeforce sports some of the more fascinating visuals that I've seen during this year's Unseen Terror. It's quite apparent that this is where most of O'Bannon's best ideas were set in motion, because they feature events that I'm certain are most of what the fanbase gushes over. People turn into dried-up husks, light shines down from the heavens, giant bat creatures pop up, and actress Mathilda May does her best Rogue from X-Men impression to name a few. They recall pictures of yesteryear like the aforementioned Alien, but with enough of their own identity to avoid being accused of plagiarism.


Cast-wise everyone is perfectly fine, though Peter Firth (Spooks) does slip into overacting mode once in a blue moon. French actress Mathilda May manages to say so much without speaking for a large chunk of her role, and her body language and cold, yet oddly welcoming demeanor feels like what the filmmakers behind Terminator 3 wish they could have accomplished with their antagonist. It's somewhat like a precursor to what actresses such as Olwen Catherine Kelly were able to do in flicks like the excellent The Autopsy of Jane Doe. Steve Railsback is one of the lone American performers found in Lifeforce, but has easily the most compelling and important arc. His confusion, fear, and subtle interest with all of the events that surround him help elevate this movie more than most would expect him to. But oof, as long as we all live, nobody should ever ask the man to take part in any flicks that feature "hypnotizing" again. As the cherry on top, Sir Patrick Stewart (yes, the very same) has a bit part as the manager of a psychiatric hospital, and I always welcome the chance to see him let his guard down and have some fun in a "B" movie.


Lifeforce is far from a perfect flick and is certifiably insane, but it's very watchable. Sporting a very unique take on vampirism (name another "bloodsuckers in outer space" flick from the 80s please), some rad visuals, and a storyline that just gets progressively stranger as time goes by, it's the perfect film to put on in the background at your next Halloween party or whenever you just want another crazed SciFi/Horror flick for your own monthly marathon. As of this writing, it's available for free on both STARZ's On-Demand service and Amazon Prime. If you're feeling a bit more dangerous however, there's a rather cheap Blu-ray out from Scream! Factory, and it features two different cuts of the picture, as well as a plethora of extras.



Gotta wonder if it contains Mathilda May's phone number though......hey, I might as well TRY....




Tomorrow, it's my god damn birthday, and I'll review whatever the hell I want to. I think I'm feeling something Henenlotter...

Unseen Terror 2018: Days 8 & 9

*sigh*
I didn't expect for this to happen within only the first week of this year's marathon. As (unfortunately) per usual, I'm a bit behind on not necessarily my viewings, but my reviews themselves. Thankfully, there's at least three movies spread across these past two days, so that is assuredly a plus, right?

Anyway, let's just do this damn thing. I need to try and adjust my sleeping schedule again to something that resembles a mammal's.

There's a special kind of "bad" attached to horror pictures from the latter half of the 1950s. While there was certainly an assortment of genuinely good projects being released (Creature from the Black Lagoon, Invasion of the Body Snatchers), the populace was also subjected to just a barrage of glorified "Drive-in" flicks. More often than not, these weren't the type of films that were going to blow your mind, but only served as something to sit back and watch with your loved one as you attempted to make that frightening "first move." Now, before you read any further ramblings or opinions on this little picture, I want you to take one good look at the poster for 1959's The Wasp Woman, which revolves around an older woman in the cosmetics field who takes a new, experimental youth potion derived from wasp jelly, but is surprised by what side effects occur. Grandiose and rather striking, isn't it? Well, that's about the most memorable aspect of the movie, because despite what is advertised on that piece of art, you aren't getting a gigantic insect with the head of a woman. Instead, the titular monster looks more akin to a cheap knockoff of the creature from The Fly, which was released one year prior to this. It isn't entirely surprising to find out that this was produced and directed by 'B' movie kingpin Roger Corman, as he's never exactly been shy about releasing motion pictures that recall (then) recent efforts. But unlike some distributors of the modern day era, he isn't going to lie to the audience, and at the very least, he'll try his damnedest to entertain you, and given how gleefully over-the-top everyone in The Wasp Woman is, he's certainly trying.

And then, there is The Giant Claw. Not only does this poster lie to the audience, but as I'll discuss below, it deceived the performers that were involved in the actual production! In the case of this infamous 1957 turkey, I was fully aware of its existence. I recalled seeing a trailer multiple times on my Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies VHS tape, and if luck is on my side, I'll be able to cross every movie featured on that relic from my childhood off of my bucket list by the end of 2019. After nearly twenty-five years, I can now finally say that I've finished this one in its entirety, but oh man, writing a review of this picture without busting out laughing was kind of difficult. Plot-wise, it's your standard "giant monster" flick, with a giant winged beast appearing seemingly out of nowhere to terrorize the world. What surprised me the most while watching The Giant Claw was how sincere lead actor Jeff Morrow is. He's treating this the same way that actors treated the original King Kong or Gojira. Heck, now that I think about it, the rest of the supporting cast isn't too shabby either. But then, I found out that there was a twist to this entire experience. They didn't know that they were supposed to be in awe of THIS:

Yep. It turns out that all of the actors and actresses involved with The Giant Claw were completely unaware of how goofy and dumb-looking the behemoth buzzard was going to look (legendary designer Ray Harryhausen was originally attached to create it, but they had to cut that due to budget restraints). Much to their horror, its design and just plain awfulness was revealed at the movie's premiere, where Morrow reportedly snuck out of the theater while the audience laughed their collective asses off. I can't say that I blame him either, because you just can't be scared by something that looks like a Looney Tunes character with mange.



It must be said that while neither of these two movies will ever come close to the films that they were clearly inspired by, their influence on others over the past several decades can be felt. Heck, if you look at the stories, last year's entertaining Rejuvenatrix shares a lot in common with The Wasp Woman, and The Giant Claw could be the grandfather of bad movie masterpieces like Birdemic. If you're going to purchase either of these schlocky experiences on home video (Corman's flick can be found streaming for free on Amazon Prime, and The Giant Claw is available in an assortment of DVD collections), then I strongly suggest you grab a large pizza, a case of beer, and some friends that can appreciate some good old fashioned cheese.



Do be careful with the alcohol though. If you take a shot for every time that The Giant Claw is described to be "as big as a battleship," you'll end up dead before the first act is over.






Well, now that Day 7 has concluded, let's get a little more serious for the eighth one.

Figuring that I needed to take a break from the "B" movies (and that I desperately craved something that could at least warrant a rating of two stars in an unironic sort of way), I decided to welcome Mr. Clive Barker back to this year's marathon. Prior to pressing play, my memories of 1995's Lord of Illusions were fairly nonexistent. The only distinguishing things that I can recall about the picture were some trailers, the fact that it was based on another short story from his "Books of Blood," a couple of nifty posters, and a finale that was supposedly rather insane (though it seems like that's a given in the case of most of the man's creations). Our plot revolves around private investigator Harry D'Amour, who comes into contact with members of a fanatical cult that seem to be fully intent on resurrecting someone dubbed "The Puritan." It turns out that Nix, the man in question, is the seemingly-deceased head of these followers, and had discovered how to utilize real magic. Before he could cause real harm to the world, he was murdered by his top pupil, and buried where no soul could ever find him. That is about as much information that I can give you about Lord of Illusions, as further discussion could find me diving headfirst into spoiler territory.


The very first thing I noticed in Lord of Illusions was the presence of Kevin J. O'Connor. Just when I thought that I had escaped his annoyingness after Deep Rising, he has returned to haunt me until I go mad and pull out every useful part on and inside of my head. Much to my surprise though, he is far more likeable this time around, and as an integral part of helping move the story along, he is written to be the opposite of a comedic relief. It also blew my mind to see another face from Deep Rising pop up in the form of Famke Janssen, and while I'm sure that was just coincidence, it still weirded me out quite a bit. Unfortunately, she's probably the weakest link in the acting department, but her character isn't the most developed of the bunch so it's hard to blame her. Scott Bakula of Quantum Leap fame plays our hero, who is apparently one of the only recurring characters in Barker's stories (he's even crossed over into the world of the cenobites). He is putting one hundred percent into this performance, and it makes me wish that we had continued to see further Barker-related adventures involving this guy. He shares some similarities with other fictional males like John Constantine, though he could probably never come close to how much shenanigans and weirdness that the Alan Moore creation has collected over the past several decades.


Considering the title of this particular motion picture, you would expect that the visual aesthetics of Lord of Illusions would stand out from the crowd. The good news is that the set pieces and color schemes certainly evoke a mood and world that is unmistakably Clive Barker. It isn't hard to tell the difference between a flick that he directs (Hellraiser, Nightbreed) and one that he merely writes or attaches his name to (Rawhead Rex, Book of Blood). The third act, which was indeed quite hectic, also sports some very creepy imagery and effects that could really get under one's skin. The bad news however is that the movie does sport some iffy green screen and computer-generated effects that while not completely abhorrent or severely dated, can occasionally take you out of the experience. Still, it's only a tiny bruise on an otherwise very good-looking project.


While it can't really stand up to previously-released motion pictures like Nightbreed, Hellraiser, or Hellbound: Hellraiser II, I still think that Lord of Illusions is worth a watch. It sports a fun narrative that never bores you, a cast of kooky and memorable characters (it could be hard for Super Troopers fans to look at Daniel von Bargen again without seeing bugs crawl out of his eye sockets), and some nifty violence that only the Brit himself could concoct. If you're interested in completing your Clive Cinematic Collection, Lord of Illusions can be purchased on Blu-ray from the always reliable Scream! Factory. However, if you're feeling cheap, it's also available to stream for Amazon Prime members for the low, low price of absolutely nothing.



As an added bonus, you can also check out the concept record from defunct heavy metal band Nevermore, who sampled the movie for their classic "Dreaming Neon Black" record. Brownie points for whoever can actually make out those samples as well.




Tomorrow, I'm one step closer to my birthday, and I'm feeling like I need something to close out thirty-two in proper fashion....

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 3

The Japanese have launched a probe dubbed "Helios 7" into space, in the hopes that it will study the planet Jupiter and return to earth after three and a half years with a collection of data. Unknown to everyone, the device is overtaken by an alien entity, and Helios 7 is later seen careening towards the South Pacific. It crashes into the water, and the "passenger" exits after choosing to inhabit the body of a cuttlefish. In the meantime, photographer Taro Kudo has gathered an entourage to head to the mysterious Selgio Island, which is rumored to contain giant creatures previously unseen by the human eye. While there, they meet some island natives and discover that they worship something referred to as "Gezora," which is revealed to look very similar to a certain type of mollusk found under the sea...



Since its inception in 2011, I've tried to include at least one Kaiju-related project for Unseen Terror. The results have been rather mixed (to say the least), but I've been lucky enough to be exposed to solid flicks like the Japanese cut of Rodan and 2016's stunningly great Shin Godzilla. That doesn't mean that a fanatic such as myself has seen every "guy in a suit" movie released to date though, and given how wide Toho's catalog is, there's bound to be a few flicks that slipped through my hands when given an opportunity to watch them for this marathon. In 2018, one such movie is 1970's Space Amoeba (a.k.a. Yog-Monster From Space), which was the first foray into that decade from noteworthy distributors Toho Co. It's amassed a small following, but is mostly forgotten by casual fans of this genre. After sitting through its running time of eighty-four minutes, perhaps there's a valid reason for that.


One very important thing to remember about Space Amoeba is that it marked the first Toho Kaiju Eiga project without the involvement of Eiji Tsuburaya. For those of you who are not aware of that name, he is most well known as the special effects director for the Godzilla franchise, and even helped co-create the "Big G." He is also the mastermind behind the equally influential Ultraman series, and is viewed as a rather prolific and important person in the realm of Japanese cinema. Due to his sudden death, I'm certain that the crew and figureheads were still reeling from this loss, and his absence can be felt throughout. Nothing feels quite as impactful without his supervision from behind the scenes, and the usual staples found in previous entries of the studio's filmography seem underwhelming this time around. The special effects, though somewhat competent, feel slightly average rather than vibrant. On the flip side, Space Amoeba manages to sport three different monsters that are actually all fairly neat, if not unspectacular in terms of designs. The giant cuttlefish Gezora looks great when he isn't actually attempting to "walk," and his brief appearances underwater aren't too shabby either. The giant matamata turtle Kamoebas is perfectly serviceable too, and kind of cute in an ugly sort of way. Giant crab Ganime is perhaps the biggest disappointment, as its screen time is mostly limited to the final seven minutes or so, and it fails to deal any real damage to our heroes or the island natives. Only two out of these three beasts would see returns to this world over the next several decades, though one is via stock footage and the other as a corpse post-Godzilla attack.


Plot-wise Space Amoeba is a bit jumbled, though certainly unique. There were moments where I had to pause the picture just to try and put all of the pieces together without saying "Why are these people here exactly?" The plain jane characters don't necessarily help to keep your attention either, and the usually great director Ishiro Honda can't get series veterans like Akira Kubo (Destroy All Monsters, Throne of Blood) and Kenji Sahara (Mothra vs. Godzilla, War of the Gargantuas) to turn in performances that even by "giant monster movie" standards are still fairly weak. Worse yet, the score provided by the tremendously talented Akira Ifukube is nothing to write home about compared to what he's capable of turning in (Space Amoeba's most memorable composition is just a reworked piece from King Kong vs. Godzilla). Still, as mixed up as the storyline can be, there are some rather neat aspects in Space Amoeba that you weren't really getting around the time of its release. As what I can assume is a throwback to their earliest efforts, there is no heroic, gargantuan protagonist, nor is there even military that can come for backup. It boils down to the tried and true formula of man vs beast. The concept of an organism that infects a host, causing it to grow thirty stories high, is akin to something seen in television shows like Power Rangers, and the fact that this group of humans are far from stupid is a rarity. Well, minus one specific sequence. Earlier in the picture, someone says "Well, I don't believe monsters exist until I see one." Given the future appearances of the aforementioned creatures in Godzilla sequels, then one must assume that this is all set within the same universe. There are kaiju attacks occurring nearly every year around the world, and especially in Japan. They make the news. Your taxes help pay for it. THEY. ARE. REAL. Therefore,

Space Amoeba isn't the worst Toho-produced kaiju flick that you'll see, but I could only see diehards feeling the need to own this one. Other than sporting some halfway decent designs and humans who aren't complete incompetent cannon fodder, nothing is altogether very memorable, and by the time that things finally start to get fun, most of your interest has already waned. Still, I didn't completely dislike the picture, and it could make for a fun marathon watch with some like-minded friends. This second-to-last flick directed by Ishiro Honda is free to stream for Amazon Prime members, and Tokyo Shock released a DVD quite a few years ago that is close to going out of print. So, if you have a strong desire to watch city folk fight against a giant crab that also briefly fights against a giant long-necked turtle, you might want to make that purchase as soon as you can.



If you can't act in time, then maybe you should just turn on a BBC doc-

….Crap, I already made that joke.




Anyway, come back tomorrow for day 4, where in space, nobody can hear you rip off other franchises...

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 24

Well, I certainly didn't plan on doing a twofer today, but here we are. Given how bewitching both of these films are in their badness, I'm going to need as much liquid courage as possible if I have to write reviews for both of them.

I had only ever seen the cover art for 1984's Monster Dog while passing through my local video stores back in the day. It looked ridiculous, and while my younger self was admittedly a lot pickier when it came to cinema, these days I'm pretty much down for whatever is suggested to me. Besides, when has crappy packaging ever truly stopped me from taking the plunge and checking something out? Plus, it has everything that I like in my horror movies: it's an Italian production, features a rock star as its lead (in this case, it's Alice Cooper), and a killer creature or two.


But man, does this movie blow chunks. In fact, it practically projectile vomits them. Monster Dog's  concept is based around a musical performer driving back to his childhood home with his crew in tow, only to find that when they try to shoot a music video, they get into a heap of trouble that involves, but isn't limited to a pack of wild dogs that are on the hunt for human flesh and something that sure as shit sounds like lycanthropy. A fun idea in theory, sure, but so much of this production just feels like a misfire. Cooper isn't a terrible choice for a lead actor, but he appears to be so disinterested that the movie as a whole is brought down even more. It doesn't help that if you dig around for more information on the project, you discover that he was pretty down on his luck, and only agreed to do the motion picture if it was shown in the International market, but never in the U.S (spoilers: they didn't keep their promise). His costar Victoria Vera fares slightly better, but it's a shame that her character is so incredibly bland.


One of the most puzzling aspects of Monster Dog (other than the decision to cast a shorthaired Alice) comes in the form of its dialogue. Actually, if I can be more specific, the dubbing of said dialogue. I understand that most Italian horror flicks have a tendency to mix their audio rather oddly when they overdub their actors' performances, but it's so incredibly weird here because they make it sound as if every single member of the cast had this done to them. Much to my surprise, it turns out that Mr. Cooper himself was the only one whose lines were tampered with. It fools you initially, but you realize the nature of this deception once the gang reaches the house. Whoever voiced his character sounded ten years older than the shock rocker, and appeared to have grown up on a steady diet of 1950s sitcoms. Admittedly, the only laughs I got came from whoever dubbed the barks and growls for the canine enemies, as the pets themselves were borrowed from guide dog schools for the blind. Perhaps the actual behavior could have appeared to be more authentic had they told these companions about the fate of the protagonists in The Adventures of Milo and Otis?


Look, I try to find even the faintest of lights in the dark with nearly every picture that I come across, but god damn was it hard with Monster Dog. It almost redeems itself with the revelation of the titular beast during its third act (and a nice shotgun scalping beforehand), but it resembles an RC Cola version of something out of The Howling. And yes, it is watchable, with it occasionally diving into the "so bad it's good" category once in a blue moon. Still, that's a rather backhanded compliment, as it's just overwhelmingly stupid, suffers from grueling pacing, and doesn't know how to have nearly enough fun. If you feel like suffering for ninety minutes, you can pick up the Blu-ray from Kino Lorber, as it apparently contains a featurette on the making of this monstrosity. I will not be doing such a thing, as I have endured enough pain from this director for the time being



But heck, what would you expect from the individual who gave us Troll 2?



Alright, time to leave earth for a bit, and go to outer space!


.....but then go right back to earth.


*sigh*

Like Monster Dog, my only prior knowledge of Xtro came from seeing it on store shelves or from seeing advertisements inside the VHS or DVD cases for other releases. It certainly sounded interesting; a hybrid of Alien, Species, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind with a bit of family drama thrown into the mix. After the film concluded, the first thing that I noticed was that I did not expect Xtro to be as manic and unbalanced as it is. The second thing was how nobody who worked on this little ditty could have been sober during its creation and conception.


For starters, Xtro revolves around a father who was abducted by aliens long ago suddenly returning to his family's lives, but with very peculiar traits that begin to take effect on everyone around him. And that my friends, is the briefest, and most spoiler-free version of the vividly strange introduction that kicks this motion picture into gear. Because if there is one thing that Xtro delivers on, it's inherit weirdness and unexpected violence. There are sequences in here that could make more squeamish viewers (and particularly females) quite uncomfortable as they involve rape, pained/exaggerated childbirth, and many more. Adding in the rather good makeup/special effects is enough to make up for the quite amateurish acting (minus Bernice Stegers as the wife in the family), but not all of the time. Perhaps the only real weak spot in the technical/non-acting department comes in the form of the music, which sounded like more of a proper fit for something such as Home Alone rather than a science fiction/horror film that just throws everything at the wall regardless of whether it sticks or not.


I do hate to sound like a broken record, but did I mention that Xtro goes all out? Not since I viewed Society and Hausu have I seen something that experiments with the more unknown side of life and creatively explores a plethora of concepts that should not work on paper. The former abductee Sam Phillips (portrayed by the late Philip Sayer) provides most of these moments, which includes eating snake eggs and seemingly sucking on his child's shoulder for reasons that I won't get into. It'll certainly raise a few eyebrows, and I suspect that if one were to watch any of these scenes while on psychedelics, their brain could crack in two. One of the drawbacks of these is that it does begin to feel as though the writers and co/producers (which included New Line Cinema's notorious Bob Shaye) were trying to see how much they could get away with until they were told to stop. Regrettably, this leads to an ending that feels like an excuse to shock for shock value's sake.


Xtro is a beautiful, messy piece. The gross factor is high, its bizarre nature sometimes works against it, and it can be rather cruel to women. But unlike something along the lines of Monster Dog, I never found that I was bored throughout its running time, and because it is relatively cohesive, even counted myself as morbidly curious during its second half. In fact, because of how extraordinarily fucked in the head it is, I'll give it a recommendation for those who are seeking something truly unnatural and eccentric, but it isn't without a fair warning. Disappointingly, the DVD for Xtro is out of print (I had to watch my version on YouTube), and from what I've seen, it doesn't appear that there are any plans in the near future for it or its two sequels to receive another home video release. How someone like Arrow Films, Scream! Factory, or Synapse has not picked up this yet is beyond me.



But maybe they're afraid of potentially interviewing costar Simon Nash. He brings inanimate clowns to life after all, and that is truly terrifying.




Tomorrow, we hit the way back machine and visit an old Italian favorite for one of his more seminal pictures!

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 23

The M.A.R.K. 13 is the way of the future. A perfect killing machine with a healing factor, it has been developed as the ultimate weapon for which to drive enemies to the brink of extinction, if not eventually eradicate them completely. When a desert scavenger peruses the wasteland and comes across parts of this heavily-wired construction, he sells the pieces to ex-soldier and collector Moses Baxter and junk dealer Alvy. The two conduct their own separate research of the discovered robot, with Baxter delivering his portion to his girlfriend Jill for sculpting purposes. Over time, the collective unearth the truth about this seemingly-innocuous automation, and find themselves being hunted.

I swear, I had no clue that I would be watching so many pictures this year that would be so derivative of Ridley Scott's 1979 science fiction/horror masterpiece known as Alien or James Cameron's 1984 epic The Terminator. Still, I suppose that if you're going to stroke the ego of a film's legacy, you could do much worse than those two. Quirky South African director Richard Stanley, who would later go on to pen and get removed from the 1996 adaptation of H.G. Wells' The Island of Dr. Moreau (there's an entire documentary dedicated to that troubled production), certainly wears his influences on his sleeves in this 1990 cyberpunk/horror combination that takes much of its story from a short in British comic book 2000 AD, and has reportedly garnered a very mixed reaction over the years.

Cast-wise, you may be quite surprised to see Dylan McDermott of The Practice and American Horror Story fame pop up as our lead performer, though when you consider that this was only his fifth film role at the time, that shock factor may dissipate rather quickly. He's perfectly serviceable as one of our primary protagonists Moses, though save for his ability to remember and spout random quotes from the "good book," he's potentially replaceable. The same might not be said for his best friend Shades, portrayed by Irish actor John Lynch, who just seems completely unhinged and seemingly lives in a world of his own when he isn't following Moses around. The alluring Stacey Travis' (Phantasm II, Ghost World) character of Jill ends up being the real standout here, garnering sympathy and support during the most perilous of situations. I have no real idea why she didn't have more of a prominent career, and when you see that some of her more recent efforts include very small roles in the likes of Soul Plane and A Christmas Story 2, it just makes you a bit sad. Perhaps the only true weak spot comes in the form of Jill's perverted, self-righteous neighbor Lincoln, played by late character actor William Hootkins (Porkins from Star Wars!), as he just feels wholly unnecessary to the plot and whose purpose only seems to be helping provide an exceptionally cool visual treat later in the movie.


On the subject of visuals, Hardware does pack a decently-strong punch considering its rather meager budget. Music video cinematographer Steven Chivers has helped set up this version of earth that resembles a future that is just barely staying together; it's Mad Max by way of Akira or a later-era Alien story. The design of the M.A.R.K. 13 is crude, but the camera work is smart enough to hide most of its more absurd-looking aesthetics. One particular sequence involving the robot's self-repair mechanism is akin to something that you would find in larger productions, and it comes across as far creepier than it should appear once you initially hear about it. I've always found the idea of machines such as this and the more well-known ones seen in pieces like The Terminator truly fascinating, as they don't inherently realize that they are committing true acts of villainy, but are simply doing what their programming says. Those features and traits do descend into more clunky and sloppy territories during its final act when it just suddenly decides to go completely bonkers, but they end up providing the audience with some rather nasty-looking kills (spoilers: the horror elements don't really kick in for quite a while). One of Hardware's other weak aspects comes in the dialogue department, as the forced usage of biblical references can induce some eye rolling in more sophisticated audience members.

Admittedly, Hardware does rely on far too much style to cover up its basic, run-of-the-mill plot, but sometimes I can forgive a film for that. Unlike something such as, say, Death Machine, the homages are somewhat more in your face (if not a different shade of blatant), and it tries a couple of new ideas that while not always working out, do earn a myriad of brownie points for effort. Hell, it even has cameos from the likes of Iggy Pop and Lemmy Kilmister, while sporting a soundtrack that features tracks from early post-punkers Public Image Ltd and industrial metal legends Ministry, though the latter's song "Stigmata" is inexplicably set to a performance on television from Gwar. Those alone could earn it a five star rating if you are as simple of a man as I am. If you don't feel like tracking down a low-grade print on websites such as YouTube, your best attempt at obtaining this little gem is to purchase the DVD online or from establishments that still keep physical media in stock.

Or better yet, just hit up the Severin table at your (somewhat) local horror convention. There's bound to be plenty of copies sitting close to unsold stacks of The Island of Dr. Moreau.

Tomorrow, a boy's father returns from space and, like the great "Leonard Nimoy" once said, keep watching the skis!.....er, I mean skies.




.....oh wait, we're behind again. Well, I suppose that we have to knock that out now too, huh? So uh, come back in a few hours instead.

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 18

EPA worker Steve Malone is sent to rural Alabama, where he is hoping to test the possible effects that the nearby military base has on the ecosystem. Dragging his second wife Carol, stepson Andy, and his own daughter Marti with him, it doesn't take very long for the group to settle into their new abode. One day after young Andy runs away from school, seemingly scared of his new classmates' conformist-like behavior, he is picked up and delivered back to the house by helicopter pilot Tim Young, who Marti immediately bonds with. Within a staggeringly short amount of time, the Malone children begin to notice something highly unusual about the town: most of their familiars appear to be utterly without emotion. In fact, after one falls asleep, it's as if they are barely human anymore once they wake up...



There are two things that need to be said right off the bat before I type this review: I'm not a humongous Abel Ferrera fan (my thoughts on his 1979 effort The Driller Killer made that well-known), and despite my like for 1992's dark and sleazy Bad Lieutenant, his style of filmmaking just doesn't personally do it for me. The second is that this marks the FOURTH adaption that I've seen of author Jack Finney's classic 1955 story titled The Body Snatchers (five if you can count 1998's The Faculty). That is remarkably absurd, if not slightly unhealthy on my part. Still, two of those official interpretations and big screen handlings have been nothing short of great, with my only miss coming in the form of 2007's clunky and forgettable The Invasion. So I figured that with this year's Unseen Terror, there would be no better time than the present to visit 1993's Body Snatchers. Plus, with a shocking amount of recognizable names working in the script and story departments (Stuart Gordon and Dennis Paoli of Re-Animator & From Beyond, Larry Cohen of The Stuff & Q-The Winged Serpent), it just seemed that it was too big to fail.


After the final, depressing minutes wrapped up, I'm certainly glad that I took this chance, as this particular version manages to try something a little different to separate itself from its predecessors. For starters, Body Snatchers feels even more self-contained that I expected it to be, and despite the obvious threats and implication of future domination, most of its running time has the film's long tenure inside of a military base. To me, it didn't appear that the priority of spreading this "infection" worldwide seemed to be the main focus of its (many) antagonists though, or at least not until when we spot one leader passing off instructions to vehicles about their destinations. I'm not quite sure if that was the wisest move to make though, considering that there are several stretches where it does begin to drag a little until the events pick up. Speaking of that, Body Snatchers seems to have a bit more of a focus on providing more thrills and action than any other translation of the source material, though it isn't without some genuinely chilling and disturbing moments thrown in between. And yes, it does include a new version of the now infamous "Snatchers Scream."


While Body Snatchers does lack some of the same star power that the 1978 picture possessed (cue review plug), it isn't slouching in the acting department. Gabrielle Anwar, who some modern fans will recognize from Burn Notice and The Tudors is our main heroine, and she does play a damn fine one. The panic and paranoia seeping throughout her being does feel quite human and fairly realistic, as does her younger costar Reilly Murphy, who plays her kid brother and initial discoverer of the sudden change in loved ones and cohorts. Meg Tilly (The Big Chill) also has a great, if not criminally small role as their soon-to-be emotionless stepmother. She is involved in a particularly great sequence wherein she delivers a monologue about why resisting is utterly futile (don't sue me). It comes across as somewhat understandable, especially when you think about how dark and dreary this cruel world can be. Unfortunately, Anwar's costar Billy Wirth (The Lost Boys) just isn't given enough of a strong character or background to work with, and while we should be feeling concerned for his own safety, he just felt rather flat (the same can be said for Forest Whitaker's supporting role). Truth be told, most of the soldiers and personnel are fairly boring as well, even before the replacement process has begun. If this was supposed to be a metaphor for how soulless the armed forces can be, then they somewhat succeeded. I'm still a fan of the concept of fearing change and shattering the typical portrait of American society that was so vividly found in the other flicks though.


Complaints and quirks aside, I did find Body Snatchers to be a pretty decent watch, even if it doesn't really hold a candle to the other movies that came before it. The mood and atmosphere are appropriately chilling, the special effects rather nice (watching the "husks" dissolve is a standout), and it ultimately gets the vibe and feeling of hopelessness right, which is possibly one of its two or three most important aspects. As of this review, Ferrera's vision is available on a Blu-ray from Warner Home Video, and most services such as YouTube and Amazon Prime have it for rent. Ultimately, whatever iteration of the story you choose to temporarily or permanently purchase depends on how much you are willing to spend, or if you have a preference for certain decades' releases.



Just don't give any of your time to Invasion of the Pod People though. It's Asylum's knockoff, and you'd be better off letting one of these aliens destroy your body instead.




Tomorrow, we hop forward a bit and see if an Indiegogo fund can truly help (love)craft a competent horror movie!