Unseen Terror 2018: Day 1

I won't lie to the few of you who do read this. I had lost a lot of energy and interest for maintaining this blog, as I felt it was (and still is) easier to post and keep track of my reviews through other social media outlets such as Letterboxd (find me on there as Woodshatter1985) and even Instagram. The process of writing full-length thoughts that occasionally devolved into ramblings and excuses to pad out the breakdown of movies seemed less problematic through those sites. My love for cinema will likely never die, but this blog very well could.


And yet....

....you can bet your ass that while a majority of my "big" movie reviews will still end up on Letterboxd, this yearly marathon, wherein I watch at least thirty-one different horror-related motion pictures for the first time, ain't going anywhere. This began in 2011 as a passion project, and it will continue to exist so long as I don't lose the ability to hear or see. Besides, what else am I going to do with all of these recent purchases? Let them collect dust? Sell them to sketchy individuals on sites like Craigslist? Let's jump right in, shall we?

The Carters are your average American family partaking in your average American vacation. While on the road to Los Angeles, they stop near the Nevada desert for gas. The owner of the store, an elderly gentleman named Fred, urges them to not stray from their path and stick to the main road. Not fully heeding his advice, they swerve and crash after nearly running over a rabbit. Bob, the father of the Carters, decides to walk on foot back to Fred's for assistance while the other members are left to care for the damaged vehicle. It doesn't take long for this group to realize that something is very amiss, as strange and mortifying incidents begin to occur, including the disappearance and mutilation of one of the family pets. It's a distinct possibility that out in the wide, blazing desert, they aren't as alone as they may think they are.



It has been uttered many times since the untimely and tragic demise of Wes Craven that the man helped to reinvent the horror genre on at least three separate occasions. The most notable features in his catalog are The Last House on the Left, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Scream. Lost among those juggernauts, however, are some real underrated and equally noteworthy gems. I've previously reviewed flicks like The Serpent and the Rainbow for Unseen Terror, and I'll even champion some of his later works like Red Eye. While compiling this year's list, it suddenly occurred to me that I had somehow never seen his 1977 effort The Hills Have Eyes, which is held in very high regard by the horror community. So, with Arrow Video having recently re-released it on Blu-ray (more on that below), let's dive right into this story about cannibals out in the middle of the desert.


The first thing you notice about this late 70s flick is that it looks very, very dirty. Throughout its brisk running time, The Hills Have Eyes just looks scuzzy, which gives it a very uncomfortable vibe. It feels as though the people behind the camera and in the director's chair were intent on making you feel like you could potentially be watching an underground tape of innocents preparing to be attacked and eaten in the future. In a way that I'm certain wasn't coincidental, it resembles some other pictures from around the same time period such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the like. It's an ugly view of what some still perceive to be a beautiful world in the eyes of mom and pop. This is pure grindhouse and midnight movie madness, and I can imagine that this would have made for an excellent late night feature at your local cineplex back in the day.


Outside of the strange aura, Craven's effort sports a very fine cast of performers in front of the camera. Fan favorite Dee Wallace (Cujo, E.T., Critters) is instantly recognizable and even newcomers like myself shouldn't have much difficulty identifying the rather creepy Michael Berryman, whose career was kickstarted thanks to an appearance in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and his portrayal here of a lunatic cannibal who is intent on just trying to help his other family members survive, no matter what kind of despicable acts he may have to commit alongside of them. As good as he is, his brethren are equally as sinister. Cannibal dad Jupiter (James Whitworth) and Berryman's brother Mars (Lance Gordon) lead many of these horrible acts, including a crucifixion and a late night assault on a trailer, in what had to be one of the most intense sequences I've seen in any Craven-directed movie. Accompanying most of the terrifying moments is a rather good score from Don Peake, whose pieces could be isolated and played outside of your complex to scare away nearly anyone. Hills is forty years old, and yet something like this could easily rival anything put out in theaters these days. There is one ray of light in the hills folks though, as youngest sibling Ruby (Janus Blythe) is constantly abused because even she can see that what constantly happens around her is wrong. The cruelty and just flat-out "meanness" of these crimes and acts can be a major turnoff for those who are just looking for their horror movies to be dumb and fun, but all one has to do is look at the plot synopsis to realize that this isn't going to be a walk in the park.


All of my praising aside, there are some very minor things to nitpick about The Hills Have Eyes. Outside of the villains, who are very charismatic and immediately memorable, I didn't find any of the main cast to be anything special. Dee Wallace is good as always, but there were often times where I felt as though some of their acting was a bit stifled. Mercifully, their numbers are thinned out after the second act, so that complaint became nearly null and void. It also does take quite a bit for things to start getting really interesting, so some of the more impatient horror fans could end up staring at their phones more than they should (*cue angrily shaking fist at damn kids these days*). And despite the fact that the final twenty minutes do emphasize that this is ultimately a battle of family v. family and that perhaps we ourselves are more monstrous than we initially thought (there is undoubtedly some hidden messages in here about the treatment of those "different" from us), the ending is kind of a wet fart. Yet after viewing the alternate one on the Blu-ray, I suppose that it is slightly more fitting.


I'm rather glad that I started off this year's marathon with The Hills Have Eyes. It's a demented little experience that's chocked full of creepy moments, memorable antagonists, and it sports one of the best middle segments that I've seen in a Craven movie to date. If you have the cash to spare, make sure to nab the previously-mentioned Blu-Ray from Arrow Video. This thing is CRAMMED with special features, including retrospective pieces, three commentary tracks, outtakes, and a great 4K restoration which gives the viewer what must have felt like the most authentic theatrical experience possible. There's also a wonderful foldout, double-sided poster and a thirty-four page booklet which discusses various aspects of the release, including its impact on the genre and how they were able to work on the transfer for this home video release. It should make a bloody great addition to your collection.



Speaking of bloody, this is also equally the best and worst advertisement for owning a German Shepherd. On one hand, they can be panicky. On the other, they can prove to be more efficient killers than anything that walks on two legs. Neat.



Tomorrow, we're venturing far away from the desert and down to the bottom of the sea! Will I find hidden treasures? Or should what lurks in the "Deep" put me out of my misery as soon as humanly possible?

Unseen Terror 2015: Day 17

The year is 1851. Having been ousted from their hostel due to a minor dispute over money, the infamous Elvira and her servant Zou Zou are left without any means of transport in which to travel to Paris, France for a rather fun can-can dance. They don't have to wait long, however, when the elegant and slightly mysterious Dr. Bradley arrives in a stage coach, and he brings the women to a castle in the mountains that is stationed far above from where they were initially staying. After making themselves acquainted with the residents and inhabitants, they meet the owner of the estate, who swears that our busty protagonist seems to resemble his long-deceased wife, and this case of a possibly mistaken identity leads to a series of strange, unexpected events that may span many years.



I remember virtually nothing about my viewing of Elvira: Mistress Of The Dark. Heck, I don't even recall what I said in the review, be it positive or negative, and this was only four years ago! Much to my surprise, I discovered that the most buxom icon in all of horror did in fact have another feature length film to her name, although unlike its predecessor, this one went straight to the home video market instead of the theatrical circuit. Perhaps the possibility exists that audiences of the early 2000s had forgotten who Cassandra Peterson's horror hostess even was.


Then again, given how incredibly stupid and silly Elvira's Haunted Hills is, the demand could have died down just as quickly as it had started anew. I'll give Peterson (who also cowrote the picture) credit for knowing her audience though: they set to make Hills as blatantly and obviously cheesy as they could with the budget that came out of her own pocket. Yes, you read that right. Given that the woman herself thought that a new Elvira production would never be financed, she threw in a million dollars out of her bank account, ensuring that her fans would somehow see a new flick, no matter how or when. That is certainly admirable, and a great sign of a human being who loves and respects the people that helped make them famous in the first place. It also says a lot about Peterson when she's willing to write and participate in a gag where she eats out of a chamber pot....okay, I probably shouldn't have brought that up. Let's move on, shall we?


There are quite a few moments of intentional nonsense that work well to please older fans of horror. My personal favorite came from her infatuation with the castle's stable boy Adrian, portrayed (though not voiced) by Gabriel Andronache. Keeping with the ties and tributes to pictures that Peterson herself no doubt grew up watching, his entire dialogue is dubbed over by noted voiceover artist Rob Paulsen (Pinky and The Brain, Rick and Morty), who himself understands a fanbase perfectly, and can fit in to nearly every situation and scenario provided for him. If that doesn't sound even slightly amusing to you, I would recommend that you watch more older pieces of cinema in order to fully grip this homage. If I can be quite blunt, the over-the-top campiness of every performance in the picture seems to be deliberate, and that could either make or break a majority of your final opinion on the film as a while.


Me though? Well, I did appreciate the obvious nods to assorted projects from throughout the 1960s, which only encompassed a small fraction of the types of pictures that the madam became popular for riffing and commentating on. I also giggled at the occasional moment whenever Elvira herself would break the fourth wall. Plus, for a woman who was nearly fifty years old at the time (and is fourteen years older at the time of this review), Peterson still has some wily, quirky, and amusing perks that have definitely earned her a spot in the hearts of many oddball men and women who attend the convention circuit on a regular basis. But is Elvira's Haunted Hills a good movie? Well, no. Not at all. And yet, as somewhat hypocritical as this may sound, its mediocrity that borders on flat-out embarrassment keeps it afloat and watchable for most of the ninety minute running time. If you're up to spending a meager two dollars (I'll beat you to posting THIS clip), you can stream it over on Amazon Prime, or purchase it online for only a few more additional bucks. Just be aware of what you're getting into, since those with less patience may find themselves pulling out their hair.



But if that's getting you down, just stare at her chest and try to cheer up. As I stated above, she knows her audience and doesn't seem to mind.



Tomorrow, the late, great Wes Craven makes his first appearance on this year's iteration of Unseen Terror. Well, sort of....