Sabotage (2014) Review

After completing a massive drug bust at a Columbian drug cartel's place of residence, DEA captain John "Breacher" Wharton and his unit celebrate and breathe a sigh of relief. Though the man and his crew have been accused of taking money from the scene of the crime, they are oblivious to the missing evidence, and continue to celebrate on a job well done. Things start to turn sour, however, when members of John's crew start dying one by one. Is this linked with their cartel bust? Or does this have to do with something from the past that is now coming back to haunt the crew?

As I left Carmike Cinemas tonight, I came to the odd realization that this was the first Arnold Schwarzenegger-led film that I've seen in a theater as an adult. Aside from that thought making me feel very old, it also made me recall the days of yesteryear for the Austrian-American actor and former California governor. I grew up on many of the man's action and adventure films of the eighties and nineties, many of which I and my friends will defend to the death as fantastic forms of entertainment. In recent years though, he hasn't exactly been the muscled, lovable cheeseball darling of the media. For starters, an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a divorce and previously undiscovered child, along with a very silly appearance at the 2004 Republican National Convention definitely brought the "Governator" down a few pegs in the public eye.  Even if he was coming out in favor of same sex marriage or supporting the legalization of marijuana, the damage was done, and when he decided to return to full time acting in 2011, it showed at the box office intake. Thankfully, Arnold's newest picture Sabotage is coming out during the period when the audiences are pretty desperate for any form of entertainment (it's thanks to these "dry" months that we have the upcoming A Haunted House 2. *shudder*), so maybe there's hope for the man after all.


I couldn't help but feel like this was a movie with delusions of grandeur. It wants to tell the audience that it's full of intrigue, with a great "whodunnit" theme felt throughout every mood swing, but the problem is that any viewer, be they casual or hardcore, has seen it all before. Heck, most audiences have seen this in different genres for crying out loud. The film starts out slightly similar to one of Arnold's older classics from the 1980s, the science fiction piece Predator, with a sizable team of loud, boisterous, and somewhat one-note characters taking down a large threat with deadly force and surprising brutality. Within no amount of time, something comes up that leads to the team being mysteriously killed off in very violent ways. However, it shifts into the territory of motion pictures like Identity or Scream, with the remaining faces and figures trying to unravel a mystery that may hold secrets to a certain character's past. If this sounds like something worth watching, it damn well is. However, Sabotage isn't the film that you're looking for which will combine these elements into something that flows smoothly.


For starters, as macho or comical as some of the characters in the aforementioned films might be, they were wholly memorable or relatable. You could recall what it was that made you like someone such as Predator's Dutch or Billy, or even Scream's Sidney Prescott. Nobody in Sabotage, save for arguably Schwarzenegger's leader "Breach," has anything distinguishable about them, and Breach is the only individual who is given a background and reason for doing what he does (mostly thanks to one five minute-long scene of exposition). As for his crew? Well, they're mostly a lineup of the "who's who" of police and crime pictures. There's the female (The Killing's Mireille Enos), the black guy (Hustle & Flow's Terrence Howard), the man who looks like a rejected member of the Wyatt Family (True Blood's Joe Manganiello), and the other white, bald, occasionally tattooed men. Oh, and Sam Worthington (Avatar) is in there somewhere as well. Every member of Breach's task force is just a lousy, irritating cliche, and you wonder why they're trying to tell the audience that you have to feel bad when any of them bites the dust. Arnold also interacts with a mostly flat female F.B.I. agent played by Olivia Williams (Rushmore), but you'd never know that she's with the Bureau since they are portrayed as being completely worthless or just plain inept at their job. Apparently the DEA are the be all, end all of badassery, and other forces are insignificant puny worms. Maybe I could blame this on the script needing some work, but I think that I've used that copout too much in previous reviews.


Speaking of the script, I suppose that I should have done my research about it beforehand. The poster for Sabotage is a blatant lie, as this was actually a joint effort by director David Ayer and a man named Skip Woods. Ayer's track record is mostly positive, lying in the crime and police drama genres with pictures like Training Day and S.W.A.T. Skip Woods, on the other hand, is the man who helped bring such memorable duds as Hitman and X-Men Origins: Wolverine to the big screen. I'd be willing to suspect that most of the latter's influence is what made it through to the final product. Thankfully, some of the script isn't completely limp. For the very, very brief moments of comedy that there are, Arnold makes a few lines work that would normally fall flat in the hands of others (I'll be waiting for an isolated clip of him spouting "Is that a dick?" to pop up online). As much time as I've spent on blasting the script's weaknesses, it does possess a certain hook that will keep you from tuning out of the product completely. Maybe that's just part of the Arnold charm though. I mean honestly, can you name a film starring the man that you've flat out turned off and never finished? Well, outside of his late-90s pictures. And Red Sonja. And Last Action Hero. And any comedy he did not called Jingle All The Way or Twins…...You know what? Let me retract that last question and move on.


I can't really fault anybody for wanting to see Sabotage, as it really isn't a terrible movie per se, but I just didn't come away feeling particularly impressed by anything that I saw (even the action sequences are brought down by erratic cinematography). While the nostalgic Arnold Schwarzenegger fan in me hopes that it does well at the box office (at least until Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out next week), solely so that the man will continue to be in demand, it falls more into the dreaded category of "Meh." Since all of the negatives outweigh the positives, and the negatives aren't even offensively bad, this might serve as the definition of a Redbox rental. I would certainly think that paying anything more than six dollars to see it would be a stunningly bad mistake.



 But on the plus side, it's infinitely more watchable than Batman and Robin.

Ryan's Best and Worst of 2013: Part 3 (Cinema)

Boy. When it comes to converting days to weeks, especially for the purpose of this blog and my writing, I am in dire need to do such a thing, especially since this is long overdue. This could be the only rational explanation behind putting out my final picks for the best and worst of 2013 during the first day of MARCH. But, given that the next iteration of the Academy Awards is just around the bend (tomorrow to be more approximate), let's just dive right in and churn these out, shall we? As always, keep in mind that lists like these are entirely subjective, and as mentioned in my previous posts, I did not get around to checking out everything that I wanted to (I still need to watch 12 Years A Slave, Dallas Buyers Club, and Gravity). I've also ensured myself that this will not stand in 2014, as my goal is to view a new film at least every two weeks if time and money are kind to me. True, there are also a significant amount of more important things to strive for, but in terms of keeping me inspired for writing, I believe the quantity must be increased manyfold. In addition to my top ten favorite pictures of the year, there will naturally be a bottom five listed below, just to appease the folks who enjoy watching or hearing about me suffer. Why bottom five as opposed to ten? Because I'm not going to suffer for longer than a certain duration of time, that's why.




THE BEST




10. Star Trek: Into Darkness

If you're wondering where in the world my review for this big budget bonanza is, then you'll have to keep wondering, as I was simply too busy to type up a full review while seeing this in a Maryland theater (it also coincided with the rather hectic and time-consuming Maryland Death Fest). What I can tell you is that while I was never a passionate fan of the series in any of its iterations, I did enjoy some of The Next Generation and at least one of its many films released during its tenure on television. I've never understood why director J.J. Abrams has gotten so much slack from long time fans, especially since he's dragged this franchise out of the muck and bad review piles, and into the smart, well-acted, and all around engaging blockbuster piles now. Speaking of acting, Benedict Cumberbatch needs to play as many villains as humanly possible.




9. This Is The End

Why yes, I am indeed putting an apocalyptic stoner comedy in my top ten of the year list, and there isn't anything you can do about it! But in all seriousness, the Rogen/Goldberg formula doesn't always necessarily deliver on the laughs, and I was terrified that this would be a self-serving vanity piece that would be more for "their friends" than an actual paying audience. Luckily, I was proven wrong, as this proves to be one of the funnier pictures I've seen from this troupe and crew since Superbad in 2007. It was also chocked full of darkly humorous nods to the horror and disaster film genres, which is always a welcome addition with this bearded weirdo.




8. In A World…

Lake Bell's directorial debut was one of the truly perplexing pictures of the previous year. In that, I mean it seems to have been largely ignored outside of a few smaller independent award gatherings. A true shame, as the women poured her heart and soul into a fantastic little comedy-drama that I've already discussed about at length on here. It was equal parts inspiring story and feminist power tale without being overly pushy or obvious. Oh, and it may alter your perception of the "sexy baby" voice on women forever.



7. The World's End

This is another one that I've already talked about at length on here, so I'm not sure about what else to say. Smart, witty, unique, and all around fucking hilarious, this was probably the best comedy of the year that you (yes you) didn't get around to watching yet. In fact, you should watch it twice, as I'm certain that repeated viewings will help you pick up little things you never noticed before. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost switching roles worked surprisingly well, and the fight sequences rivaled anything seen by bigger American productions. While I'm sad that the "cornetto trilogy" has come to an inevitable close, Edgar Wright is a tremendously talented man, and I'll be awaiting (and following on twitter) for any future projects that the Englishman and his tremendous troupe of friends will churn out.



6. American Hustle

And here is where I expect some complaints, as I'm sure this ended up on numerous folks' top five list, with some even making it their choice for the best picture of the year. Heck, it even seems to be a shoe-in for "Best Picture" at tomorrow night's Academy Awards. So why only number six? Because I saw six films that I personally enjoyed more you cro-mag. If I didn't enjoy the picture, why would I have it on my own "end of the year" list? All of my mini-rambling aside, the acting here is top notch, the comedy and character drama are spliced together exceptionally well to the point where it just feels pretty seamless, and the story, as complex as it may get at times, is a fairly solid and well-thought-out one. I absolutely loved the background story of how Christian Bale and Amy Adams' characters first met, and Jennifer Lawrence is the best blonde actress working in the business today.




5. Stoker

While it was met with a fairly mixed reaction from critics and fans, I was utterly fascinated by Chan-Wook Park's American film debut, and mesmerized by its very dark, and often-times disturbing story of a family falling apart following the re-emergence of a lost and forgotten relative. Again, I've talked about this quite a bit before, so feel free to travel to that "search" bar near the top to seek out my original review. Or better yet, go visit your local Redbox and give this very odd horror tale a go. Even if you hate it, there are parts that will stay glued to your brain for some time.



4. Mud

I never got around to seeing Dallas Buyers Club in time for this recap/best of list, nor have I ventured into the realm of True Detective just yet. However, I did get around to seeing Matthew McConaughey's first step back into stardom with this incredible picture. A modern take on the "coming of age" formula made popular by old classics like Stand By Me, this was just as heartwarming as it was heartbreaking. Again, with the death of video outlets around the globe, you owe it to yourself to head to a Redbox or "Mom and Pop" outlet (if they still exist) and watch this as soon as you can. Unlike Stoker, I don't see this dividing audiences, but rather uniting them with a very tender and relatable story.



3. Blue Ruin

This motion picture's wider release can't come soon enough, and I'm beyond happy that they're receiving one to begin with. Director Jeremy Saulnier's sophomore outing is a real killer picture (pun possibly intended), with the director and his crew pouring their blood, sweat, tears and very hard-earned cash into a dark, violent, and even occasionally humorous revenge picture. As I said in my review from November, when I was first lucky enough to catch this, it turned out to be easily the best film I watched at this year's Cucalorus Film Festival in Wilmington, North Carolina, even if it was only one of three films that I was able to catch. Haunting and taut, Blue Ruin is up there in stature and importance with older classics like Blood Simple and Chan-Wook Park's Vengeance trilogy.




2. Her

A part of me wants to berate writer and director Spike Jonze for making me shed tears in a theater for the first time since Toy Story 3. Another part of me, that which towers over the other, wants to ask how in the world one comes up with such a beautiful, unique, amusing, and most importantly, ORIGINAL film such as this. I'm certain that like Joaquin Phoenix's main character, we all feel heartache and loneliness from time to time, and even question about what truly constitutes a relationship in this day and age. You may find the idea of a grown man in love with an operating system to be absurd, but once you have surpassed the twenty minute mark, it isn't whatsoever. In fact, the last thing it deserves is damning from any individual walking the planet. What does deserve damning is the lack of an academy award nomination for Scarlett Johansson's performance as Samantha, the operating system in question. It brings to mind another question, that of if a performer needs to be physically present in order to captivate and garner attention (see Andy Serkis' performances). I don't believe so, but hopefully someone will persuade the Academy to change their minds someday.



1. The Wolf Of Wall Street

Come now, are you really surprised that I chose this as my favorite film of the year? Martin Scorsese rarely misses in the realm of pictures dealing with crime, drugs, fame, and excess. In fact, he revels in bringing these pictures to life just as much as Jordan Belfort, the title character, seems to revel in all of the mostly illegal activities listed above. But then again, calling Wolf a crime picture might not be completely accurate, as this could also be categorized as a very vulgar and dark comedy if you come into it with an open mind. Well, that and you're not offended by profanity nearly every few seconds. At nearly three hours long, making it through The Wolf of Wall Street may seem like a task to finish at first glance, but once you're sucked into the story, all the more enhanced by Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill's nearly-perfect performances (and I rarely use the "p" word on here), the time flies by quicker than a penny stock sale to a poor, uninformed customer. I'll even go so far as to say that this is up there with Scorsese's Goodfellas in terms of memorability and importance, though its own debauchery far surpasses that of Henry Hill and his friends. To paraphrase Chicago's infamous professional wrestling crowd, "If Leo doesn't win the 'Best Actor' award, we riot."



And that should do it for the best of the best. There are some honorable mentions worth noting though, including the creative and very cool American Mary, the refreshing ghost story known as The Conjuring, Pacific Rim, which was an unabashed good time for a giant geek like myself, and Elysium, director Neill Blomkamp's second foray into science fiction-based action pictures.


But for every action, there is a reaction. And for every enjoyable picture, there are those which are the visual equivalent of watching a human being run around naked while eating a bowl of excrement. These five pictures are…not as bad as that visualization, but they are still my five least favorite films of 2013.



THE WORST:



5. A Haunted House

I realize now that I was entirely too kind to this film. In fact, I'm convinced that I may have been on numerous prescription drugs that day, since I clearly recall saying that the film, while bad, wasn't offensively terrible like I assumed it was going to be. This early prognosis has been shattered by the revelation that there is a sequel coming out within no time to this very lazy, homophobic, idiotic, and just all around boring motion picture that attempts to pass itself off as a parody. I want to say that the Wayans Family legacy has been severely hurt by this film's existence, but WHAT legacy?




4. Grudge Match

With apologies to certain people perusing and/or reading this post, I really couldn't believe as to how bland and just plain awful this so-called comedy was. Robert De Niro mercifully redeemed himself with a minor role in American Hustle, but Sylvester Stallone should know better by this point. Come to think of it, every single person involved in this cast should have known better, though Kevin Hart may have just taken this for a paycheck and an opportunity to work with prolific actors and actresses. Fun fact: I almost saw this picture twice, as before my screening of The Wolf of Wall Street began, the reel for this started to play, and I had to tell an usher that the wrong picture had started. Thankfully, it took me approximately five seconds to realize that this horror had begun, and the day was saved.




3. Movie 43

This now infamous sketch comedy anthology has had nearly every insult and bad review in the book thrown at it, and every actor and actress has been chastised for even participating in it, be it for money, as a favor, or by accident. So what more can I of this largely undiscovered blog add to the table? Well, I'd be putting nowhere near as much effort as Peter Farrelly did in assembling this, but I'd be trying to my damnedest to make certain that you receive more chuckles than this festering pile of feces produced. And there weren't many. Truth be told, the final segment "Beezel," written and directed by the usually reliable James Gunn and starring a cartoon cat sexually obsessed with his owner, may be worse than either of the other films listed below in their entirety. Keep in mind, this is the same James Gunn that is also directing the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy adaptation. I'm not saying that you should approach that picture with caution, but his inclusion here may cause you to think less of him.




2. Identity Thief

I've ranted about this picture at length before, but in recent months, my initial thoughts of "it just isn't that funny" were downgraded, transforming into something along the lines of "I want every character here to die slowly." Identity Thief's own lack of effort and awful, cringe-inducing forced storytelling is especially insulting towards those who have been the victim of identity theft themselves (of which I was the victim on three separate occasions in 2013). The only sensible and redeeming conclusion this picture could have reached would have been if Jason Bateman decided to throw Melissa McCarthy into oncoming traffic after setting her on fire. Instead, it drops a subtle hint of a possible sequel down the line. Oh no.




1. InAPPropriate Comedy

There's one question I'm sure my friends and coworkers would ask me after I tell them that InAPPropriate Comedy was the worst picture I've seen in many years: "What did you expect?" I expected nothing. Absolutely nothing. I go into a large portion of movies with a completely open mind, believing that even at the bottom of the barrel, you can still find something positive worth mentioning and pulling out. I enjoyed T.I.'s performance in Identity Thief, and I didn't despise the "Superhero Speed Dating" segment of Movie 43 (even if it was blatantly stolen from an internet sketch that came out beforehand). For crying out loud, I even got one insignificant chuckle out of Meet the Spartans, which stood as the worst picture I had ever seen for at least five years!

There is not a single thing to like about this film or any of the "sketches" involved. It is the equivalent of an annoying preteen tying you up and squirting you with a super soaker filled with horse urine and sulfuric acid. Director Vincent Offer (yes, the same man behind the Shamwow and the Slap Chop) somehow manages to out-Movie 43 the previously released Movie 43 by trying to shove as much racism, sexism, stereotypes, and ripoffs into eighty-three minutes as humanly possible. Adrien Brody's performance as "Flirty Harry" is proof that we need a new rule set by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences where one's oscar can be taken back if they help set a new standard for horridness in film. I also pray that I never meet Ari Shaffir in person, since his recurring sketches revolving around the character known as "The Amazing Racist" draws the wrong kind of heat, making you want to punch the actor in the face, and not the character. I also wonder if any effort or thought was put into the "Blackass" sketches, which are outdated and could cause one to gauge out their own eyes in hopes that a nearby neighbor would skullfuck them to death. This isn't uptight "conservative" speak either mind you, as films like This Is The End and The Wolf of Wall Street were also quite crude, but managed to pack in genuine laughs. All that InAPPropriate Comedy manages to do is make you feel sorry for Rob Schneider.

If you're still wondering about how I feel about InAPPropriate Comedy, let me just sum it up with five simple words:

Well, there you finally, and I do mean FINALLY, have it. I hope you folks enjoy the Oscars and the "best of" pictures that I recommended. Shockingly, I'll be watching in hopes that someone gets drunk and pisses all over the usually smug and well-behaved audience. That, and I want to see who wins in the major categories. Isn't that why people tune into those sort of things?


I'll also be returning very soon with more reviews, including something special in anticipation of Legendary Pictures' reboot of my childhood favorite Godzilla. So stay tuned!