Ah, it sure was nice to take a small break after dealing with this year’s marathon.......wish I had gone into a full-blown hibernation though after these past couple of days though. Ugh. If I can be perfectly honest, 2024’s Unseen Terror was kind of a pain to put together for a myriad of reasons. I almost scrapped the entire thing because of stress and depression (as well as some condescension from outside forces. I’m not getting into that for personal reasons). I’ve always done this for fun, and if ever there were a time to be noticed by more “noteworthy” publications or anyone outside of people from my personal life, it would have been before the rise of A.I., which I do feel is unfortunately slowly creeping its way into the creative process for both writers and content creators (as much as I enjoyed Late Night with the Devil, the stink of the filmmakers using A.I. will forever tarnish it). I am considering hopping over to the likes of say, TikTok or YouTube or even just promoting Letterboxd (where I’m more active anyway) for future reviews. Hell, I even just signed up for Bluesky the other day (a.k.a. the new alternative to twitter that ISN'T owned by a giant man-child who makes ugly vehicles that frequently catch fire). When it comes to the former two, I’d need better equipment or a phone that isn’t five years old and doesn’t overheat when you try to do anything outside of making a simple phone call. But I digress.
Enough of that though, let's talk about the movies. If I had to summarize this year's listing and overall thoughts it would be "fun, but messy." I'd say that Manhunter, Terrifier 3, Eyes of Fire, V/H/S/Beyond, and Hard Candy were the best of the bunch (I would've said The Substance takes top prize, but it was a technically a re-watch so that'd be cheating). I'd also say that Children of the Corn 2009, Cannibal Ferox, FearDotCom, Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator, and Imaginary were the stinkiest of this year's batch of movies.
Speaking of that, every year there are several flicks that don’t quite make it onto my list but could turn up in future installments. For 2024, these included the following:
-Tarot, Longlegs,
and Immaculate. While all three have received
WILDLY different reactions from audiences and critics alike, I felt as though I
had far too many current releases included this time around.
-Stir of Echoes (1999). Considered by
many to be one of Kevin Bacon’s most underrated films, I had a surprising
amount of difficulty finding it available for streaming…until the marathon concluded,
and it was recently added to Amazon Prime. Just my luck.
-Species 1-4 (1995-2007). If there ever
were a franchise to go through in its entirety, Species would not be at
the top of my list, especially since I’ve already seen the first two films
during my teenage years (spoilers: the first Species is dumb fun with a cool monster design by H.R. Giger; the
second is just dumb and low key pretty misogynistic). Maybe for some Science Fiction-themed month?
-Tarantula (1955). Another one from the
“Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies” VHS tape that I’ve talked about several
times in the past. I legitimately couldn’t remember if I had already watched it
as a kid, so it got cut. Come to think of it, maybe I should just do an entire
month’s worth of movies related to that tape. Would Goodtimes Home Video
somehow come back from the grave in an attempt to prevent it? Maybe I’m just tired.
-Bed Rest (2022). Dropped at the last
minute because I realized that for as much as I love and respect Melissa
Barrera, I can’t use her presence as the sole reason for sitting through a
film.
-Faces of Death (1978). More of a
collection of random death scenes from home-made ‘B’ movies and TV material.
Extremely gimmicky and would’ve likely made this list should it have started
when I was in high school.
-Jeepers Creepers 1-4 (2001-2022). I've received requests from a few folks asking me to cover this series, but it's never going to happen. Sorry. The first one is an adequate slasher (until it becomes a monster movie in its third act). The second film is awful. I do not wish to give Victor Salva any further attention because he is a convicted child molester, and I felt like I needed to bathe in Clorox after watching Clownhouse knowing what was happening behind the scenes. Moving on.
-Megan is Missing (2011). Perhaps the
most “infamous” horror movie recommended by TikTokers with reception that has
ranged from “you know this isn’t a documentary but a fictional film, right?” to
“this generation is fucking doomed.” I was not in the mood to sit through this
one.
-Slaughter High (1986) and Final
Exam (1981), Too many slashers already.
-The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009). An
animated horror-comedy written and directed by Rob Zombie; I’ve lost count with
how many times I’ve tried to finish this in its entirety. I made a swift
decision to watch the far superior and decidedly creepy Pet Shop of Horrors instead.
-Subspecies 1-6 (1991-2023). Nah, I’m
good.
-Exorcist II: The Heretic. This was dangerously close to becoming the final movie of the marathon, but I was met with more than a few replies of “seriously, don’t watch that” from people in my personal life. It’s regarded as one of the worst movies of all time (directed by someone who didn’t even LIKE the first Exorcist no less). Maybe I’ll watch it one day if I’m in the mood to torture myself or if I'm on my death bed and wish to accelerate the dying process. I wonder if sitting through this film or overdrinking would be more hazardous to my health…
Anyways, that's it. As Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert used to say, "the balcony is closed."
Or at least, for a little while. Peep me over on Letterboxd as Woodshatter1985.
Please take care of one another. Give anyone who is heartbroken and feeling downtrodden a hug. This is a horrible world we live in, but to ensure a better future for younger generations (especially for women, people of color, the LGBTQ+ community, and so many more), don't stop fighting to make it a better one.
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