Unseen Terror 2018: Day 6

Kate Miller isn't content with her life of utter monotony, and she has been particularly frustrated with her sex life as of late. After she fails to seduce her shrink, she eventually crosses paths with a mysterious individual, of whom she sleeps with that very same day. When she awakens, she leaves his apartment, but has to turn around when she realizes that she has left her wedding ring back in his flat. As soon as the elevator doors open, she is violently attacked by a woman dressed in black, and her corpse, along with a glimpse of this assailant, is discovered by Liz, a high price prostitute. Taken in for police custody, not only is Liz the lone witness to what may have occurred, but also a potential suspect. Worse yet, Kate's murderer is still on the loose, and may be setting their eyes on her now!



If you were to talk to me whenever I decide to venture out into the real world, you'll occasionally hear me wax poetic over the works of American filmmaker Brian De Palma. The man has directed some of the most celebrated pieces of cinema over the past forty years, including Carrie, Scarface, and The Untouchables. He's often compared to esteemed legends such as Alfred Hitchcock, though with an added sexual and occasionally shockingly violent edge to the pictures of his own. Despite all of that, I realize that I have never sat down to watch a good chunk of his filmography. I figured that it would be better late than never, and after much debating, settled with one of his "breakout" pieces: 1980's shocker known as Dressed to Kill.


Garnering much attention during the time of its release (and even being forced to trim thirty seconds in order to avoid the dreaded "X" rating), it's not hard to see why this could create a bit of controversy. Palma's script doesn't exactly paint the New York City found within Dressed to Kill as a very optimistic one. It's quite dour, with glimmers of hope found mostly throughout its first thirty or forty minutes. It's very likely that De Palma's earlier motion pictures seem to be equally inspired by not just Hitchcock, but the Italian "Giallo" pieces that were all the rage during this time period. The handling of the violent sequences are shot in such a threatening manner, though they obviously aren't nearly as visually vibrant as something found in say, Suspiria. But the camera work in Dressed to Kill might be its best attribute. There is one lengthy sequence which involves Kate (Angie Dickinson of Rio Bravo fame) and a stranger seemingly pursuing one another inside of an art museum, and the entire thing is devoid of any dialogue (save for some occasional grunts), letting the camera and the accompanying score by longtime De Palma collaborator Pino Donaggio, who delivers eerie, yet savagely beautiful compositions, do nearly all of the work.


It should be mentioned that obviously what makes most of Dressed to Kill's suspenseful moments work is a very strong cast. Our leads work in fields that can often cause depression: Michael Caine is a hardened psychiatrist, Angie Dickinson is a bored housewife, and Nancy Allen is a call girl.  There are exceptional performances all around, and it made me realize that I had never seen Allen in much outside of Carrie and Robocop, which left me feeling as though her performance surprised me the most. I'm a little upset that she, along with Caine and De Palma were apparently nominated at the Razzie Awards for their jobs in front of and behind the camera, but I've read that Allen also received a Golden Globe nod, so that's soothes the pain a bit. They help make a story, though not the most extravagant on paper, feel all the more interesting than your average "whodunit" picture.


Alas, here's where I have to be a bit of a debbie downer: while Dressed does contain some rather clever elements and twists, I'm certain that it could trigger a good chunk of modern day cinephiles, and some themes and commentary would absolutely not fly in today's world. There's a depiction of African American males at a Subway station that's fairly cliched, and the movie's primary twist and its subsequent explanation/analysis afterwards could truly ruffle some feathers. Personally, outside of some exchanges between Allen and supporting actor Keith Gordon towards the end, I didn't find it to be too bothersome. But OOF, those final ten minutes sure do feel like a slap in the face, and instead of ending on a more ominous note, it goes for the kind cheap finale that always drives me nuts. Still, considering everything else that leads up to that eyerolling moment, this is only a small black mark on an otherwise fine production.


I'm not entirely sure about whether Dressed to Kill even qualifies as a horror movie, because it bears a closer resemblance to an erotic thriller/mystery hybrid more than anything else. Still, as I have stated in the past, the genres are more closely affiliated with one another than the average joe would care to admit, and both desire the same reaction: to shock, frighten, and occasionally disturb you. Regardless of whatever you wish to file it under, it's a damn fine film and one of the very best that I've seen from the director. You can currently pick up a rather fine looking DVD or Blu-Ray from Criterion, and it's also available to stream on Amazon Prime.



Tomorrow, the VHSPS folks are back a second round, and it seems as though they're bringing a couple of familiar faces with them into the fire!

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 14

Four teenagers go for a hike in the mountains, and seem to be enjoying life to the absolute best. While things seem to be going swimmingly, strange jellyfish-like creatures are popping up around the area. They attack and attach themselves to their victims, all while penetrating their bodies with sharpened tentacles. The teens make the decision to drive away from the scene, and ultimately wind up in a truck stop that is populated by skeptics. Well, save for one: Fred "Sarge" Dobbs, a mentally unstable war veteran who is more convinced by the youths' story that anyone else within the vicinity. Soon, every single person involved will discover the truth about the smaller culprits, and that they may be nothing more than weapons for something, or someone far more powerful who views humanity as nothing but trophies.



If you have ever gotten to know me relatively well over the years, then you'll know how much I adore the adrenaline-filled science fiction/action/horror hybrid known as 1987's Predator. I have an unusual bond with John McTiernan's picture, and know a tad bit too much information on its background, legacy, and overall impact that it's had since cinemagoers first laid eyes on it thirty years ago. What took me by surprise, however, was the existence of a small budget SciFi/horror release titled Without Warning. As you can no doubt tell by the film's plot synopsis posted, there's an uncanny resemblance to the franchise that birthed the Yautja.


The similarities between the two end right there though, and for better or for worse, Without Warning is an entirely different beast. There doesn't seem to be the same "one by one you die" plot that is so frequently found in slasher standouts, but rather an incredibly slow burn with only temporary moments of what constitutes as volume. The second act of the motion picture feels as if it were lifted from another release entirely; focusing on the human characters' predicament and the uneasy feelings among the bar patrons. Martin Landau (North by Northwest, Ed Wood) is public enemy number one during these scenes, and while you can classify Without Warning as one of many projects that the actor most likely did out of boredom and paycheck necessity, his role of a paranoid veteran who is obsessed with otherworld lifeforms is one of the only highlights to be found. Jack Palance of City Slickers fame also pops up as a Quint-style character, but there are multiple times where he appears to be rather disinterested or just going through the motions. Nobody else really has distinguishing feature or quirks to separate them from any other horror/scifi movie out there on the market. And yes, that does include suit actor Kevin Peter Hall (the titular antagonist from Predator....yes, I know) as the silent, but absolutely silly Megamind-esque alien hunter.


I will cut Without Warning some slack though, especially since it was filmed for approximately $150,000. Imagination says that most of its budget was spent conceptualizing and creating the rather strange-looking, bloodsucking jellyfish. Their resemblance to a giant tick if it made love with one of the beings from Metroid does provide for some gooey, if not occasionally bloody sequences. But these bright moments are brought down by the flick's greatest flaw: the pacing is oftentimes excruciating. I don't need to sound like a broken record by stating my thoughts on slow burns, so I'll just say that for the first time in this year's marathon, I felt genuinely sleepy while watching a movie. The more sluggish, quieter moments in Without Warning were crafted so that we can spend more time with our leads, but it doesn't seem to fully work since most newcomers will be getting rather impatient with a lack of action.


When all is said and done, the most fascinating thing about Without Warning is being able to pick out which segments and characters serve as the blueprint for better pictures to come along many years later. It isn't a wholly bad movie, but it moves at too much of a crawl for me to ever warrant an immediate repeat viewing. Perhaps this is one of the few exceptions of an 80s horror relic that is in need of a remake. Most of its flaws could be easily improved should it end up in the right pair of hands. If one ever desires to add this pre-Predator piece to their own prize shelf, then you can pick up Shout! Factory's Blu-ray/DVD combo pack for a fairly cheap price.



Or better yet, just get a hold of Predator again. Yes, the advantage is unfair due to having a bigger budget at its disposal, but it'll make you a god damn sexual Tyrannosaurus.




Tomorrow, we' make a leap forward into the next decade, and take a trip to the wonderful world of one acclaimed Latino director!

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 1

Well, that gif of Mr. Burress can mean only one thing: I'm exhausted from attending my first horror convention this weekend. That, and I have officially finalized my listing for the seventh (oy) year of my "Unseen Terror" series that I manage to craft during every October. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, the short version of my explanation is this: I dig up at least thirty-one different motion pictures that deal with the more macabre side of life to watch during this month that I have never managed to see until now. Some are cherished pieces of art that should be seen by all (Rosemary's Baby, The Return of the Living Dead, I Saw the Devil), some are hidden gems that deserve to be given a second chance after an initial, unfair thrashing by critics (House II, Black Roses, Popcorn, Suck), and others should be buried deep underground after being set on fire (Clownhouse, Pinocchio's Revenge, any Hellraiser sequel post-Bloodline).

So, with that basic introduction out of the way, let us begin! As always, I welcome discussion and comments on here, any major social media network (using the hashtag #UnseenTerror will find me), or the new Letterboxd service that I have signed up for and am thoroughly enjoying thus far (search for me as "Woodshatter1985").

While playing a routine game of hide and seek in an abandoned, dilapidated building, four children harass and tease a younger girl named Robin Hammond for wanting to join in. Unfortunately, the youths back Robin into a smaller area and inadvertently cause her to fall out of a window, where she immediately dies upon impact. Instead of reporting this incident to the local authorities, the accidental murderers vow to keep this to themselves and to never tell a soul. Six years pass, and Robin's surviving siblings just so happen to be attending the same high school as their sister's killers. As the entire collective of students highly anticipate the upcoming prom, specific ones begin to receive threatening, ominous phone calls from someone who may be seeking vengeance over one particular incident from their past.

1980's proto-slasher Prom Night has been on my radar since I began doing this yearly tradition back in 2011. For reasons that I can only attribute to laziness and forgetfulness, it just never quite made the final cut or listing. Obviously that has now changed, but did this unintentional delaying make my viewing experience any better or worse? Well, I suppose that you can say that it borrowed an equal amount from column A and column B.

For starters, the movie is absolutely drenched in all things that were affiliated with the late 1970s and early 1980s. There's the prototypes for every character seen throughout these type of pictures (the bad boy, the preppy girl, the awkward nerd, the red herring), the unabashed affinity for Disco music (more on that later), and appearances from fan favorites such as Halloween's Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen of The Naked Gun and Airplane! fame. In fact, the latter's performances manage to lift Prom Night off of the ground as they seem genuinely invested in the project and clearly came to the set every day with the best of intentions. The rest of the supporting cast is fine too, although because of the way that the script is structured, you may find yourself struggling to sympathize with the rest of these kids since, regardless of their ages, they're inarguably dicks for nearly all three acts. Oh, and they are also MURDERERS. Still, you earn a can of coke for trying to make us identify with the lot of them.

Since we are still on topic, we as moviegoers and purveyors are very likely anticipating seeing these other players meet their grisly demise. Unfortunately, this is where I felt that Prom Night stumbles, though not majorly. While the third act and finale of this picture is quite invigorating (and features one hell of a great decapitation), it takes nearly one full hour for the first drop of blood to spill, which means that technically, you can classify this motion picture as a "slow burn." Normally, I have no qualms about such decisions being made by the writers and directors, but considering that this effort barely scrapes by the ninety-minute mark, it may easily frustrate the more insatiable, impatient gorehounds that populate this strange, but endearing community that I am often happy to be a part of. Disappointingly, Prom Night does feel like it has a rather abrupt, it not blunt ending too, but a part of me ponders about whether budgetary reasons or time restraints had something to do with that.

Still, even with those complaints, I had a rather enjoyable time with Prom Night. Those with a more open mind and appreciation for attempts at telling stories, even ones as overused as this one, will also likely get a kick out of this quick watch. Considering that it was made for a very meager $1.5 million, it is competently shot and manages to accentuate the positives while hiding the negatives. Hell, its influence can even be seen on assorted films from throughout the decades (I Know What You Did Last Summer borrows heavily from this bad boy). If you're planning a slasher marathon in the near future with your friends or colleagues, this is a pleasant one to throw into the mix. At the time of this writing, you can view director Paul Lynch's hidden horror gem for free on Amazon Prime and YouTube, although it appears as though the folks there tracked down a Betamax rip rather than an actual DVD-quality print. Instead, it may just be easier for you to track it down on home video, as I'm certain that it makes for an inexpensive purchase no matter what format is available to you.

Oh yeah, I was going to mention the disco music, wasn't I? Well, there just so happens to be a gloriously cheesy moment where Jamie Lee Curtis and her date have to piece something together that feels like it belongs in another, entirely different genre flick. And we are subjected to this insanely catchy jam.

So, stick that in your pumpkin and....uh....play it?

*sigh*  I'm far too tired to be making puns or lousy jokes this early on. Let's just move on.

Tomorrow, we say hello to the men who gave us a myriad of releases such as The Fly, The Brood, and Maximum Overdrive. What little flick could they have ties to? Well, perhaps if one could see the future, we'd all know what I'm referring to.

Unseen Terror 2016: Day 19 & Day 20

Living on an isolated farm with a motel attached to it, Vincent Smith and his sister Ida run a meat-smoking business that is the talk of the town. Though he can not reveal the secrets of the wonderful taste to anyone who asks, his reasons are more than understandable. During an evening unlike any other, young couple Bo and Terry seemingly crash their motorcycle near the residence, and they are taken in by the elderly farmer. When the young woman awakens, she is informed that her boyfriend unfortunately did not make it through the night. Unknown to Terry, this could not be further from the truth, as it turns out that this kindly duo has been secretly kidnapping civilians, trespassers, and anyone stupid enough to venture near their property. Why is this being done you may ask? Because it does take all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent Fritters...



You know, I was initially going to review the Italian knockoff Cruel Jaws today, but decided against it once I figured out I would very likely end up going insane from viewing yet another creature feature. Plus, when you consider that the Italian flick is mostly comprised of footage from at least two of the legitimate sequels in that franchise, what would be the point?.....Okay, it will eventually happen. But for now, I figured that viewing a much-discussed, thirty-six-year-old underrated gem was far more important than anything else.


Here's a very fun fact: 1980's Motel Hell was originally conceived as being a very serious picture, akin to similar, powerful pieces such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Psycho. With the attachment of director Kevin Connor, whose previous efforts included many adaptations of works by the legendary Edgar Rice Burroughs (At the Earth's Core, The Land That Time Forgot), and screen legend Rory Calhoun (How to Marry a Millionaire, The Texan) as the lead, it seemed like those who had their ears to the ground were in for quite a ride. As luck would have it, the movie did turn out to be quite frightening, but in the most hilarious way possible. Yes, it has the unassuming, slight redneck vibe that permeates throughout some of the pictures mentioned above, but it also plays out as more of a parody and black comedy above anything else. It seems all too fitting that this came out prior to the absolutely insane "slasher" boom that was to come along very, very soon.


Categorizing Motel Hell as another motion picture in that subgenre feels slightly dishonest though. Its interesting cast of characters, including the ones whose sole purpose just appears to be nothing more than an unintelligible head, are very memorable. Vincent (Calhoun) and Ida (Nancy Parsons of Porky's fame) are so ridiculously charming that one almost wishes to see them in future sequels, and even when their big secret gets out to select individuals, you still find yourself sort of rooting for them to just keep going about their business and to not get suckered into the trappings of turning into the typical "crazed villains." The most fascinating decision made in the field of performers came seeing Chips star Paul Linke as Ida's obliviously stupid brother/town sheriff, and his comical ignorance just kicks the flick up a notch or two. Another interesting fact comes from the casting of Nina Axelrod as the closest thing we get to a heroine with occasional lapses into Stockholm syndrome. She's certainly got a lot of moxie and talent, though one wonders what could have happened to her had she also landed one role that she tried out for after Motel Hell was released to theaters. If that wouldn't be the weirdest one-two combination known to fans of cinema across the globe, then I don't know what would have been. To her credit though, she did get the opportunity to star alongside of Leonardo DiCaprio in his first film role.


If I were to have one gripe with Motel Hell, and it is one that I can not remain quiet about, it comes from not fully living up to the bloodshed that it seems to promise. Conceptually, the audience is fully expecting something truly satisfying in the gore department, but aside from some lacerations obtained during a chainsaw fight in the final act (no, you didn't read that wrong), it is a shockingly tame picture when compared to its cinematic brethren. I mean come on, a bit of dismemberment is always healthy, right?.......Yikes, I've been doing this for too long. Truth be told, a majority of Connor's uneasy moments come from the audible side of things. The constant gurgling that is heard from their buried victims (made due to having their vocal chords slit and stitched up) initially comes across as fairly freaky, but by the end, you are just chuckling uncontrollably whenever they appear to be attempting to have a legitimate conversion or are trying to rally others up.


Motel Hell is a special kind of entertainment. There's an unmistakably amusing vibe to it that can't be replicated by just any other picture. Most of the dialogue and gags hold up rather well, and there is just so much fun to be had. Best of all, you get the feeling that despite the silly concept and execution, Connor and crew genuinely cared about making an entertaining flick. Did they succeed? Well, seeing as I am going to recommend that you go out to purchase the Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack from Scream! Factory, I would say that they bloody well did.



But hey, if you're pretty stuffed with fritters and meats, Day 20's entry may have the ability to work better than any laxative ever could.

Though she is soon to be married and has cold feet about the decision, Casey is taking part in her very own bachelorette party, and as luck would have it, she and her friends have chosen the beautiful Costa Rica as the last place for her to spend one more night as a single woman. During a brief foray and dip into a hidden lake, Casey complains of something biting her beneath the water, but she dismisses it as nothing particularly serious. When they arrive back home, however, the young woman begins to notice changes in her physique, with a sore or two popping up, her body becoming stickier, and the inability to keep some solid foods down. Still, she finds herself more nervous about issues relating to her future mother-in-law and the reluctance to have children. Those problems will have to wait though, as it isn't long before this innocuous issue stemming from her little nipping becomes more difficult to hide, and she begins to show signs that what remains of her humanity could be disappearing at an alarmingly quick rate.

Ever since Bite's trailer popped up online a year or so ago, my interest in checking it out (no matter how possible) has stayed virtually the same. If any single one of you know me at all by now, you know that I am a bonafide fanboy when it comes to discovering new entries in the occasionally divisive field that is commonly classified as "body horror." So, this tale of a naïve, engaged woman contracting something which causes a slow decaying of her well being, be it physical or mental, had me hooked from the very instant. Plus, considering that news of a remake of David Cronenberg's masterful The Fly seems to pop up every year or so these days, I figured that delving into what appeared to be an unabashed love letter to that movie and others of its ilk is nothing to be ashamed of.

Where Cronenberg's project succeeded in many departments, Bite does a nice job at trying to ape those positive aspects as well, though with some hit or miss results. When one considers how relatively new writer/director Chad Archibald is to the genre, some of these acts are easily to forgive, though it does reach the levels of pandering once in a while. Casey, played by Canadian actress Elma Begovic, is a perfectly fine lead character. I didn't get the same sense that she was as sympathetic or tragic like Jeff Goldblum's Seth Brundle was, especially when she just continues to ignorantly defy requests to go to a clinic (be they from friends or herself). Even as a fan of scarier pictures, I felt that at least one trip to a doctor could have made for an interesting plot point or some much-needed dark comedy, but it's honestly a minor complaint. Begovic, who reminds me of a younger Rachel Weisz (The Mummy, The Fountain) mixed with Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps, American Mary), shows a lot of promise, though she does begin to unintentionally channel Vincent D'onofrio from Men in Black towards the end. While the actress who portrays Casey is more than capable of working with whatever she is delivered, I never got the same feeling from her co-stars, who did not seem nearly as invested with working on a body horror motion picture as she did. They range from stereotypical best friends who may have hidden agendas, to over-the-top antagonists who just seem to lack any means of resembling a real person. They almost bring Bite down to where you could classify it as a nastier soap opera, but their screen time is mercifully limited compared to that of our main character.

Bite's shinier aspects come from when it features no dialogue, as it just leaves the audience alone, so that they can watch a horrific, if not almost ritualistic decline of a fairly innocent human being. There is a great feeling of isolation once Casey realizes that something is terribly wrong, and makes the decision to lock the doors of her apartment out of fear and massive anxiety. It's a clear homage to more claustrophobic flicks from the likes of Roman Polanski, and even some mentally exhausting releases such as 2006's massively underrated Bug. But of course, what is very likely to stick with viewers long after they have finished Bite is the work in the effects and makeup fields. For a film that presumably lacked a larger budget that is (usually) liberally handed out for experiences like these, there are some rather good moments that can turn the stomachs of most female viewers, including a dream sequence involving Casey and a pile of eggs, and a brief scene of her slowly pulling off a fingernail (which will ALWAYS manage to make a gore-hound like myself feel queasy). Admittedly, one wishes that it could have dived into the territory of the aforementioned Cronenberg masterwork, or even concocted some nightmarish designs ala Rob Bottin (The Thing), but as I said, it is very likely that the cost of the movie was nowhere near as expensive as it could have been. Props to making Casey's residence begin to gradually resemble a hive from Aliens though.


Bite does seem to be more concerned with grossing you out rather than trying to change the face of body horror, as it suffers from having some very basic dialogue and unresolved plot points, as well as worship that can be just as detrimental as it can be complimentary. But you know what? Sometimes, that is perfectly fine, as the overall experience was such a joyous one for someone like myself. Perhaps shooting it as a something that was done solely in the first person could have been a nice experiment, and a bold attempt to push the genre forward. But as it stands, it's a fun, decently nasty ride and a real treat when you consider that we rarely get these kind of films anymore. The movie can be obtained for a rather cheap price at most retail establishments, and, if you read this in time, the whole thing can be viewed on YouTube at THIS link.



Oh, and if you ladies out there (aka all two of you who read this) are looking for a double feature to make you never want to have children or be around creepy crawlies again, be sure to watch this back-to-back with Lucky McKee's "Sick Girl" from Masters of Horror. You will thank (or shiv) me later.




Tomorrow, I am off to catch Evil Dead: The Musical with my family, so I can not blatantly give away what the choice I have in mind is, and nor can I give a hint. Still, you never know what is to come on here, especially with what opened up this weekend.......

Unseen Terror 2016: Day 14

When a large, seemingly abandoned ship wanders into the harbor of New York, a small group of scientists and officers are sent to investigate. While on board, they discover that save for two deceased men, most of the crew has disappeared, and the only objects remaining on board are a collection of coffee crates that harbor large, green eggs inside of them. When exposed to heat and physical contact, the items pulsate and explode into a mess of an acid-like substance, which subsequently causes any nearby recipient's chest to explode from within. After the word of these ghastly revelations gets out to the military, they send in one Colonel Stella Holmes, who is convinced that there is a connection between these unknown eggs and a recent trip to Mars for two astronauts that ended when one disappeared not long after touching down on the planet.



It goes without saying that nearly any and every fan of horror cinema likes at least one or two Italian-based productions. Whether it is something stylish and beautifully macabre (Suspiria, Cemetery Man), an insane, violent romp with a rock and roll attitude (Demons), or something that is just out flat out bizarrely entertaining amongst glorious moments of gore (City of the Living Dead, Zombi 2), there is a little bit of something out there for everyone to enjoy. Lesser known to casual fans of this vastly humongous genre is the smaller offshoot of what has been dubbed over the years as the "Italian knockoffs." While not completely plagiarizing their sources of inspiration, these films had an unabashed, un-ironic tendency to take pictures from the west, give them a bit of a more colorful makeover by upping the blood spillage, increase the amount of buxom beauties shown throughout, and throw in a killer synth-based soundtrack to boot. Hell, even the latter feature from Lucio Fulci mentioned above was promoted as a sequel to George Romero's Dawn of the Dead many years before the actual follow-up was written and sent out to cinemas!


So, judging by Contamination's poster and my knowledge that it was often marketed as Alien Contamination in other circles, I was fully prepared for a nastier version of Ridley Scott's science fiction/horror classic from 1979, which was released to theaters only a year prior to this project from overseas. However, the similarities to that movie are surprisingly more exaggerated than I expected them to be. Outside of featuring the larger-sized eggs which cause explosions from the unfortunate victim's front area, Luigi Cozzi's (also of Star Wars knockoff Star Crash fame) foray into this field surprisingly stands on its own as a fairly unique beast, and shares virtually nothing in common with the flick that gave us the Xenomorph and Face Hugger. Most of Contamination borrows, but doesn't steal from an assortment of stateside thrillers and Sci-Fi features rather than just one singular entity. There is even a small influence from crime dramas thrown into the mix, with the actual bursting kept to a minimum so that it doesn't dissolve into relentless bloodshed with no actual human drama. Yes, it isn't like Contamination is the first to do this, but it feels oddly fresh when you think about the whole shebang and that it could have just made the conscious decision to be ninety minutes of endless violence instead.


Despite featuring some absolutely horrendous "dubbing" from those involved in the post-production and editing areas (the voices on every black character are comically cringe-inducing), most of Contamination's actual cast does a fairly admirable job in the acting department. Ian McCulloch. also of Zombi 2 fame, is a likable protagonist who while initially reluctant to revisit something that obviously scarred him, eventually becomes more than game to just go with the flow of things. It was pretty fun to watch him (along with Marino Mase's over-the-top wiseass cop) at every moment while jointly immersing ourselves in this astronaut's immensely strange, horrific backstory. Louise Marleau brings an occasional pout-heavy, soap opera-level type of performance with her to the flick, but it just ends up increasing one's enjoyment of the entire experience. Still, I feel as though I will never get over seeing any crew distinctly mouth the proper words from the script on screen, only to have somebody clearly not on their same level butcher what they worked so hard at doing correctly. While the aforementioned departments seemingly failed here and there in the realm of voiceovers, they more than made up for it by working on other tasks. The sound effects of the eggs themselves is incredibly creepy, and one wonders if the eerie humming that they emit is coming from the inside of their shells or from the faint, luminescent glow that surrounds them. It's the type of noise that you would absolutely never want to hear if you were attempting to go to sleep (or if you open the refrigerator for breakfast). Better yet, Contamination is blessed to have its score composed by beloved Italian progressive rock band Goblin, whose work on a plethora of pictures from directing great Dario Argento has cemented their legacy in the genre. Truth be told, their pieces help Cozzi's picture save itself on more than one occasion when it begins to lull or if it nearly jumps into the territory of being too silly. When the primary culprit behind these incidents is revealed (tell me you won't get a Mother Brain vibe from this monstrosity), their tracks give off a sense of fascination that easily resonates with the audience, while simultaneously syncing up perfectly with the newly-instilled fear in our protagonists.


Thank goodness for pictures like Contamination. It isn't a particularly great movie per se, and as hinted at, the second half does tend to drag for a bit (though it's turned right back up to eleven during the final twelve minutes), but the amount of heart and B-grade grandeur put into it does make for a rather good way to kill some time. Think of this entry as a pleasantly memorable pit stop in between looking for other foreign productions in the world of horror and peculiar science fiction. Or, if you want to make a more appropriate comparison for the newer generation that reads this, it is as if The Asylum actually knew how to properly make a motion picture with a small budget and honest-to-god effort. If your curiosity has been peaked, a myriad of ways to watch this bad boy online or in person are available. There's YouTube, Amazon Prime, and even a ridiculously packed Blu-Ray from Arrow Video that is readily available for purchase.



And come on, you know that you want to give your money to a grown man who colorized, edited, and released the original Godzilla: King of the Monsters in his home country during 1977. Right?.......Right?





.....okay, I SWEAR that will be the last reference to another god damn kaiju movie on here for at least the rest of the month!





Tomorrow, it is time to catch up yet again with one of the masters of horror literature, and I regale you with a tale from my high school years related to the work in question!

Unseen Terror 2016: Day 9

Young Chicago native Marissa Kendall buys a tiny, baby alligator as a present for herself, but during one fateful day, the child's father angrily flushes the new pet down the toilet. Many years pass, and the town's head scientists have been experimenting with a growth formula that is supposed to help with agriculture. Though the initial results are proven to be a success, they have to be abandoned due to a side effect that builds an insatiable appetite in their test animals. Unbeknownst to them, a creature residing in the sewers has grown immensely due to feeding on the discarded carcasses of their laboratory subjects, and has been moving on to larger, more active prey. Marissa, who has now grown up into a herpetologist, teams up with police officer David Madison to investigate some odd sightings and disappearances related to something rumbling down below the city, and after it begins to pop up above ground, they estimate that the voracious crocodilian's length is over that of thirty-six feet. Needless to say, it must be stopped.




If you are a longtime reader of my little blog, you will know that I have gone into detail about the large number of "natural" horror films that were released in the wake of Steven Spielberg's breakout blockbuster Jaws. But for every Grizzly or Piranha (which shares the same screenplay writer as this) that was sent into theaters, we were also treated to piles of garbage like Barracuda or Devil Fish. Why, even the flick that started it all received a follow-up or two of its own, just so audiences would have their sweet tooth for human dismemberment satiated, even if it was for only ninety minutes. It makes the most amount of sense that eventually, somebody would pay attention to just how silly this subgenre was becoming, and five years after one of the greatest directors of all time warned us of the dangers of the ocean, the future director of Cat's Eye and Cujo would deliver a picture to audiences that was solid enough to both poke fun at these movies, while also remembering how to provide for some very solid entertainment in a field that was being dragged down by mediocrity.


Most contemporary motion pictures such as Alligator would believe that by playing their cards right, it would be safe to choose the easy route and present their product as a straight-forward, basic "monster on the loose" movie, which ensures a respectable, if not very average box office intake. While there are often moments that present themselves as just that, most of the flick delves into the self-aware territory that makes some particular B-movies or unexpected comedies worth repeated viewings. Of course, I am not trying to say that a film featuring an oversized gator chomping on rich yuppies at a wedding reception is up there with the best of the worst, but the chunks of John Sayles' script that are fully satirical make it work that much better (though I do wish that the original idea concocted by co-writer Frank Ray Perilli had stayed intact, as it took place in Milwaukee and involved beer consumption as the culprit behind the behemoth's growth). It has all the characteristics and necessities of a "natural" horror flick: a scumbag mayor, a hunter with prior knowledge of how to take down animals as large as these, a smartass scientist, and a cop who doesn't have time for all of this shit. Hell, we're even treated to a child death courtesy of the monstrous antagonist! Robert Forster (Jackie Brown) plays the latter adult human character, and he is appropriately treating the whole experience like a black comedy. Sadly, nobody else really stands out in the cast, but at the end of the day, it's forgivable.


Alligator's fun factor isn't solely limited to the acting or dialogue though, as the technical aspects (if you can call them that) aren't anything to scoff at either. Like its obvious inspiration, the titular creature is mostly animatronic, and does look pretty good for the few moments where it is seen in the shadows or with as little light creeping in as possible. Ironically also like "Bruce," it had multiple malfunctions during filming, and was eventually donated to college football team the Florida Gators to be used as a mascot after everything had wrapped up. He does get lucky enough to gnaw on more than a handful of idiotic pedestrians and fools before finding himself back underground (sorry for the slight spoiler). There is a rather wonderful moment involving our villainous creation just hanging out in an alley after he bursts through solid concrete on the street, and it feels like something that could have fit in just fine with one of the better SyFy channel productions that rarely come out these days.


Does Alligator feel a bit flawed or dated? Well, sure. But considering that most of these flicks were churned out with such little regard for actual quality in mind (which reminds me: man do I still hate Barracuda), it is head and heels above a good portion of its contemporaries. If you're willing to just sit back, put on a smile, and drink in/during the whole thing, Lewis Teague's reptilian rampage makes for a good time killer. Unfortunately, the DVD for this effort runs for more than even I think it is worth, and until a company as reputable as Arrow Video or Scream! Factory picks it up for distribution, the easiest method for one to watch it is via websites such as YouTube or Amazon Video.



Besides, there are far worse ways for you to waste your precious minutes...

Oh come on, you knew that you could sense that joke coming from a mile away.

In the first half of the 1990s, it seemed as though every single cult favorite from the precious horror period of the prior decade received a surprise sequel. This was the case for gems such as Stan Winston's Pumpkinhead, Kevin S. Tenney's Night of the Demons, and Lewis Teague's Alligator. Why were these occurring you ask? My guess is that the higher ups at certain studios were bored, figuring that one can make a follow-up without requiring any semblance of a budget because some (but not all) horror fans are putzes, and we are willing to watch damn near anything that you drop into our laps. That, or there was an insane amount of cocaine being snorted, which resulted in them running into a video store and perusing the aisles for ideas.


In all seriousness though, I feel that the need to write a synopsis for Alligator 2: The Mutation is wholly unnecessary, as the movie is undeserving of one. Save for some minor changes, the plot is a duplicate of its predecessor, with toxic waste in place of enhanced, deceased test animals. These include the same character stereotypes such as corrupt politicians, a grizzled cop with more than a few wisecracks up his sleeve (played this time by Joseph Bologna of Blame it on Rio & Superman: The Animated Series fame), a female scientist who assists the crew (portrayed by a sadly wooden Dee Wallace), a gator hunter whose tools and techniques are ultimately useless against the creature, and more useless piles of flesh than even I can not recall. Perhaps the only interesting performers who show up in the picture are professional wrestlers Toru Tanaka and Alexis Smirnoff, who amusingly appear in a nightclub that apparently treats the sport as real, with the film's human antagonist stating that he has "fixed" the fights for the evening. If this sequel had centered solely around the NWA and WWF veterans taking on the gigantic pest that was bothering the city, it would have receive nothing but the highest of accolades from me.


Besides being a retread of the first movie, Alligator 2's secondary problem comes from the fact that it just isn't very entertaining. Even with Bologna doing his best to try and have some fun with the material provided, the film seems to be taking itself a little more seriously this time around, which I feared would be the case after I took a brief glimpse at its page over on imdb.com. So, in the end, what you're left with is an uninspired sequel that isn't cool, isn't funny, isn't particularly gory (although the use of a rocket launcher towards the climax almost makes up for a rather lame massacre that takes place at a carnival), and could constitute as the dullest form of plagiarism. Though it is available to stream on YouTube and the like, I plead that you save your money and brain cells by doing anything more productive.



One more thing before I go: when your release is lazy enough to reuse stock footage from the first picture on more than one occasion, then it proves that you just suck beyond belief. Yes, I'm aware that my beloved Toho did this multiple times during the late 1960s and early 1970s, but their movies still featured a Kaiju with a buzzsaw for a belly & hooks for hands fighting alongside of a three-headed, flying golden dragon. Alligator 2 does not.



I BID YOU GOOD DAY SIR.




Tomorrow, Larry Cohen makes his long-awaited return to Unseen Terror, and we trade the dangers of the sewer for the horrors found in the skies of Manhattan!

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 24 & 25

Yes, I am doing reviews for both days in one post. Why? Because I was more occupied with assorted things than I expected to be. Actually, I believe that is another way of saying that friends were in town and I was also called in to work when I didn't expect to be. Oh well. I actually think that it's fitting considering that both pictures I'm reviewing today have to deal with the upcoming holidays that we simultaneously gleefully await and dread immensely.

On one Christmas Eve, eager and enthusiastic children Harry and Philip Stadling are awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus. Hearing strange noises, Harry peeks out into the living room, only to see his mother being groped and seduced by a man dressed as jolly old St. Nick. Thirty three years later, the now-older Harry works a rather monotonous job for a toy factory, often finding himself to be easily taken advantage of by coworkers. After an office party, Harry comes to the realization that nobody takes this holiday seriously anymore and there are more bad people out there in the world than there needs to be. With that, he dons a Santa suit, setting out to reward the nice and punish the naughty.


The very small sub-genre in horror that consists of movies based around the holidays of Christmas and/or Christmas Eve is, to put it lightly, incredibly miniscule. There are the ones that most people know about, such as Black Christmas (both the original and the remake), Silent Night, Deadly Night, and Santa's Slay. Okay, maybe I'm the only human being in this town who is an unabashed fan of that last one, but 1980's Christmas Evil, known originally as You Better Watch Out, has quite a following in this odd community that relishes the chance to watch something this absurd. Not quite a slasher film, but often grouped in with them, it makes for one hell of an interesting, if not obviously dumb viewing experience.


Christmas Evil's main protagonist/antagonist is one Brandon Maggart, who is best known for a very early stint on Sesame Street and for helping give birth to Ms. Fiona Apple. Though he certainly isn't delivering an Academy Award-worthy performance with his portrayal of the disgruntled and marginally psychotic Harry, he does manage to make the man into somewhat of a sympathetic, and slightly fun individual. I mean yes, we all know that there are a lot of scumbags and dishonest human beings out there in this occasionally ugly world that we live in, but they highlight it in such a manner than you wonder if this is going to turn into Death Wish or Taxi Driver, albeit with a red and white costume and beard instead of stylish apparel. Unfortunately, I can't recall much of anything about the rest of the cast, including Jeff DeMunn's (The Walking Dead) character of the younger brother who may be catching on to his sibling's recent exploits and actions. Fans of the actor are not likely going to recognize him, and they also may be disappointed that the bloodshed advertised on assorted posters and covers doesn't begin until about the fifty two minute mark. Don't get me wrong, I liked that they were willing to let the audience familiarize themselves with Harry, and not choose to make him just another generic killer, but the first murder does seem to be a tad bit out of place, and somewhat badly thought out.


Director John Waters (Pink Flamingos, Hairspray) has been quoted as saying that Christmas Evil is "the greatest Christmas movie ever made," and has apparently gone so far as to provide a commentary track for the Synapse Films' release of the picture on DVD. While I don't know if I would go that far, especially since I would love to watch more holiday-horror pictures in the future (perhaps that could be a theme for December), it does make for a fairly trashy, hokey, and fun time, with an added bonus of the most film absurd picture ending that I've seen to date on this marathon. You can currently watch this little gem on sites such as Youtube for the low cost of zero dollars and zero cents. Or, if you are a more patient person, you can wait for the upcoming Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack that is set for home video release on November 18, 2014.



Perhaps there is a chance that on the aforementioned release, they can explain as to whether the film was an influence on another certain crazed version of Kris Kringle.

On the roads of Snowmonton, demented serial killer Jack Frost is on his way in a prison transport which will deservedly drive him to his area of execution. Seemingly out of nowhere, and mostly thanks to horrible weather, the truck containing the mad man hits a tanker, and Jack is freed. Before he can act, however, the genetic material contained in the opposing vehicle breaks free, drenching him in the liquid and dissolving him into nothingness. Unfortunately, Frost does not die, but rather merges with the surrounding snow, changing him into something more frightening than anyone could have ever imagined.


If you're a child of the 1980s and 1990s like I am, there was a very strong possibility that you came across many VHS tapes that featured lenticular covers. With only the slightest bit of movement, something rather nice, gentle, and/or unassuming would change into something more menacing or unpleasant, and would usually entice curious folks such as myself into checking them out. 1997's horror-comedy Jack Frost (obviously of no relation to the picture of the same name released a year later) was one of the more notoriously wacky titles equipped with this advertising method, which started with a gentle-looking snowman turning into what you see above. The main problem is that we never see that creature atop this paragraph, but something far, far worse.


Instead, what we get is a reasonably basic low-budget slasher picture with an awful-looking snowman costume that is dumping all of its cheese into one giant pit, and then makes the risky decision to dive in headfirst. But this cheese is more like the brand that you buy because it's been discounted, and said discount was due to bad feedback. But hey, I personally don't really know why I was expecting quality per se. A large majority of the cast, including a pre-American Pie Shannon Elizabeth, are in "eh, fuck it" mode, but you can't say that you blame them when you consider how dreadful of script that this has as its base. Speaking of Elizabeth, she should be thrilled that the role of Nadia came to her two years after this had wrapped and been released on home video, since I'm sure that she didn't want the highlight on her acting reel to read "I have been assaulted and raped in a bathtub by a cigar-smoking snow sculpture." Speaking of the titular killer, Scott MacDonald's enactment of Jack Nicholson having a Ritalin and Tequila-fed child with Brad Dourif did provide for some occasionally funny lines. Sadly, for every joke that is mildly amusing, there are about ten that just make you groan or grimace. It's like following most comedians that were made famous through Twitter.


There are some positives to Jack Frost though. For one, the murder sequences are somewhat creative, including using the flat end of an axe to kill a grown man rather than the sharpened, metal head. Plus the site of a snowman driving a car into someone is worth at least a quick glance. For nostalgic reasons, I also enjoyed the 90s home video look and wash that it was filmed with. Everything has a slight grain, and the lighting looks like something that would have (and very well may have been) aired on cable channels like Cinemax late at night. There is also some decent practical effects work and makeup to be seen, especially when Jack's human form initially melts after the accident mutates him. But damn, that snowman costume looks really, really lackluster. I'm willing to bet that even a company such as Charles Band's Full Moon Features could have done a better job at making this look acceptable. Of course, they would also most likely abused it like their Puppet Master and Gingerdead Man franchises, and I'd prefer to not see a crossover in the future with either of those series.


So, that's about all that I can say about something like Jack Frost. It isn't very good, and I don't think that you could find much to enjoy unless you are severely inebriated and surrounded by cretins, particularly since it starts to run out of gas past the sixty minute mark (which is coincidentally after Elizabeth's final scene comes to a close). But hell, what do you expect from a movie about a killer snowman?



It is an infinitely better movie than its sequel though. After all, they kill him with bananas in that one.



…….Bananas…….



Tomorrow, I travel back to my childhood again with a 1950s Toho Production: Sora No Daikaiju Radon!

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 13

Anthropologist Bill Nugent awakens in a hospital bed, injured and mutilated via seemingly unknown means. An investigator and his own doctors question the professor as to the whereabouts of five of his most prestigious students, all of whom have been missing for days. Nugent begins to discuss how and why things have seemingly gone awry, and it all begins with female student Carla asking to accompany the instructor and his pupils on an expedition to Carlson's Landing, where she hopes that they will find the culprit behind her own father's murder: the folklore legend known only as "Bigfoot."


Boy, I sure know how to pick 'em sometimes. 1980's rather poor-looking Sasquatch massacre known as Night of the Demon (no relation whatsoever to the pluralized film released eight years later) is a really outlandish and all-around strange excess in violence and absurdity. It's received a few odd releases here and there, and can be most commonly found in one of those assorted horror movie collections on DVD stands everywhere. You all know which ones I'm talking about, since the titles usually resemble something like *insert random number* plus *insert random adjective* plus horror/terror. Surprisingly, it can also be found on streaming sites such as Amazon Prime, which is where I viewed it.


Like a few select films that I've discussed before, director James Wasson's splatter flick was classified as a "video nasty" upon its release, and subsequently banned until 1994. I guess the British Board of Film Classification are incredibly touchy people, and most likely fearful of how powerful of an influence motion pictures can have on the youth of England. Mind you, this idea is archaic and just plain idiotic, but I digress. That being said, it is far more believable that Night of the Demon was banned in the U.K. rather than something so poor such as Don't Go In The Woods. The gore and bloodshed is fairly detestable and outrageous, shocking you no matter when and where you shall decide to watch it. Without giving every possible type of kill away, there are scenes of emasculation, intestines being removed, and impalement. Of course, a majority of the film looks like it was made for about the cost of a three course meal, and Bigfoot himself resembles the protagonist from the Toho-produced Frankenstein Conquers the World, so if you're looking for Tom Savini or Rob Bottin-levels of artistry, then you may be slightly disappointed.


Accompanying this grotesqueness are some "fresh off of the street" actors and actresses. I don't recall many of them being given names outside of a female plot device introduced later on, and even then it doesn't matter a great deal since we all know what is coming after sitting through the first two minutes of the movie. Aside from these young meatbags, there is also the most bizarre and out-of-place soundtrack that I think I've ever heard in any horror film. Actually, scratch that. I'll state that it is the most out-of-place soundtrack that I've heard in ANY film. There's a heavy emphasis on wannabe psychedelic tunes (also felt in the way that it was shot) and TV theme songs that were likely thrown away and discovered by composer Dennis McCarthy, who would go on to score Star Trek: Generations and the movie iteration of McHale's Navy. I know of the old "you have to start somewhere" spiel, but I'm not 100% sure that those can accurately be called upgrades.


This is the furthest thing from a good, or even well-made picture. In fact, had it not been for the shocking moments of brutality and the random shots of nudity every now and then, it could have been featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000 back in the day. If you even decided to remake the picture in today's day and age, I wouldn't object, since it would most likely be given an actual budget and the backing of a bigger studio. However, because of the latter observations, I can still warrant giving it a slight, albeit very cautious recommendation to fans of trashy, low-budget terror.



And no, it didn't convince me that Bigfoot is real. But it did convince me that he can somehow conceive children with human women.



Tomorrow, I forsake the title of my next screening and view The Town That Dreaded Sundown in the daylight!