Don't Breathe (2016) Review

Three young, small time criminals spend most of their time breaking into various homes, stealing only what is requested of their superiors or employers. Despite seemingly enjoying what they do on a regular basis, at least two are growing frustrated with this profession, longing to leave this life behind and begin anew. When one receives a tip about a residence that supposedly contains upwards of $300,000 in cash stashed inside of a basement, the group agree to one last heist. While on stakeout, they discover that not only is this abode inhabited by one, older man, but that the homeowner is blind. Later that evening, as the break-in is commencing, the solitary resident is revealed to be nowhere near as defenseless as he may appear to others, and that this dilapidated dwelling houses some very sinister secrets.

"I'm sorry, but North America just doesn't produce any good horror films anymore." 

As a movie lover and reviewer, if I may be able to request one thing these days, it would be that such a statement as that be put out to pasture. Over the last six years, we have been lucky enough to receive a large number of motion pictures that serve as not only adoring love letters to the fanbase and the genre's past, but a good chunk of releases, be they released to on-demand services or cineplexes, that have also managed to gather the necessary testicular fortitude to push it into a daring, new direction. Yes, there are still a myriad of unnecessary remakes and reboots that seem to come out more frequently than even I would expect, but they rarely affect the legacy of the originals, and are often forgotten about within a staggeringly short amount of time. Naturally, the response to some of the previously mentioned pictures in mind has been rather divisive, but that is expected from nearly anything to come along these days. To say that cynicism and hints of nihilism is a large problem in the communities of nearly everything that I personally like would be an understatement. However, with something as prominent as the "home invasion" sub-genre occasionally being forgotten about (save for gems such as Adam Wingard's You're Next), taking a risk by switching things up and having those who are burglarizing end up as the victims instead, is an opportunity that I believe is vital for the genre's survival.

As it turns out, 2016's Don't Breathe, written/directed by Fede Alvarez (Evil Dead 2013) and distributed by Robert Tapert and Sam Raimi's (Army of Darkness, Spider-Man) Ghost House Productions (Drag Me To Hell, 30 Days Of Night), is one of the best theatrically-released horror films that I have seen in recent memory. Heck, even though I am typing this in the month of August, I would not be shocked whatsoever to see this end up in my own personal "top ten" list towards the end of the year. A horror/thriller piece that is ripe with this much tension throughout its eighty-eight minute running time deserves all of the praise that is bestowed upon it. If you are the type of fan that pays good money to see horror flicks with the intention of being scared, or at least feeling so nervous that it could potentially induce nausea, this could be like discovering that the finest bottle of sake that you normally would go out of your way to seek is suddenly available right down the road. What a rather glorious feeling. What is sure to elicit the most amount of recognition during this feature's run over the course of the next month or two will be the wonderful cinematography and lighting, which is powerful enough to make the most claustrophobic and nyctophobic of people want to soil themselves. Unfortunately, that rules out the possibility of my own father ever viewing Don't Breathe, but you can't please everyone folks. It also packs a creepily effective score courtesy of Sexy Beast's Roque Banos, who knows not to be overbearing or obnoxious with a project such as this.

One of the wiser choices from somewhat-new heads sitting in the director's chair, as well as up-and-coming casting directors such as Rich Delia (Dallas Buyers Club, 2017's It), is to choose relatively unrecognizable faces as both heroes and villains. With this, Fede Alvarez manages to conjure up some exceptionally well done acting from our relatively minuscule list of performers. Evil Dead alumni Jane Levy is back after what seems like an eternity of absence from the big screen (hey, three years can seem that much longer in a horror fanatic's world), and reminds folks yet again about why publications and websites such as Forbes and Complex were so high on the very talented woman and her future in the world of entertainment. Her other companions, portrayed by Goosebumps' Dylan Minnette, and It Follows' Daniel Zovatto, are also in very fine form, with both adding more humanity to Don't Breathe to help keep it grounded and interesting. Quite often, you can pick out a weak link among any sort of ensemble, no matter the size, but that is far from the case in Don't Breathe. Admittedly, I have complained multiple times in the past about my personal gripes with how some characters act in situations such as these (it was my main reason for being unenthused with 2006's Them, a.ka. Ils), but when you consider their circumstances, personalities, and disappointing lives outside of their profession, being cross at them for taking certain actions becomes far more understandable.

Of course, what is a good horror movie without a diabolical reprobate? Avatar's Stephen Lang delivers one hell of a nerve-racking performance as The Blind Man (if my memory serves me right, our trio of robbers never learn his real name), and he is easily the most unique foe to come along in one of these films in several years. The aged citizen is cold, creepy, and underneath it all, assuredly deranged. While you do feel more than a few ounces of sympathy for the elderly gentlemen throughout the first half of the film's running time, its twists and turns slowly remind you that even handicapped individuals such as this one can keep terrible, awful mysteries hidden from the general public. At the risk of minor spoilers, to say that you experience a complete 180 degree turnaround on your opinion of the man, especially if you are a woman, is the most obvious statement of the year. It makes the events surrounding these poor souls, and Don't Breathe as a whole, that much more demented and daring. The Blind Man is also accompanied by a rather intimidating, relentless pet Rottweiler, who at times, manages to disturb and freak you out more than his own master can do. After witnessing the crazed canines in this year's Green Room, I think it may be safe to say that assorted writers in Hollywood have been doing a damn fine job of reminding audiences that man's best friend can be more difficult to deal with than you would think.

Don't Breathe is an often quiet, firm, yet exhilarating piece of suspenseful horror that both respectful devotees and casual fans of the genre will greatly be able to appreciate, while never feeling like it has to be desperate and scare the audience with cheap thrills and predictable cliches found in releases that are of lesser quality and take very few chances. No, it is well aware that have paid good money to be thrilled and frightened, and that after barking for so long that you "deserve a better class of fear," it is going to do the very best to stand and deliver on that request. As I have stated multiple times before, if you are willing to let yourself be sucked into a movie's world, absorbing every necessary detail and looking at these human beings as something more than just characters stuck in a scary movie, I am more than convinced that you can have just as fantastic of a time as I did. After all, when a sizable gathering of moviegoers* are eliciting several audible moans, gasps, and flat-out "NO!"s during a majority of the right moments when you are supposed to, you know that you have done your job as a filmmaker particularly well.

Now, perhaps if it isn't too much to ask for, can we hire someone to write a new character for Stephen Lang to play in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Perhaps a "Reverse-Daredevil," ala the antagonist for the CW's adaptation of The Flash? Yes, I know that the actor is not legally blind, but one can dream, can't I?

......Wait, there are TWO OTHER individuals in the Marvel Comics world for him to potentially tackle? Well, I suppose that can suffice...for now....

Note: I only say "sizable" because, and I hate to say it, some moviegoers will venture into every picture in this field with the worst of intentions; sporting a defiant, arrogant attitude that says they lack a willingness to be scared. Don't be that person. Let your guard down. Be afraid. Be very afraid. :)

Sausage Party (2016) Review

It's another morning at local supermarket Shopwell's, and confident, excitable wiener Frank has only two goals for the day: to end up with Brenda, a neighboring hot dog bun, and to be handpicked by the hands of the "gods" themselves. According to legend, those who are chosen to take the journey to the great beyond will experience pure bliss, being treated like royalty while surrounded by their utmost desires. After one fateful, but rather messy day, the two find themselves separated from their packs, while the rest of their respective groups of friends are taken away to the promised land. Banding together with a whiny bread product named Sammy Bagel Jr. and a rather grumpy Vash named Lavash, the group set out on an adventure that will expose a horrifying reality for all consumable items that could change the very means of their own fragile existence and once-thought perfect future.



Honestly, after pasting that poster and typing up that synopsis seen above, how does one even properly start a review about a theatrical release such as this? Admittedly, conjuring up something worth saying about a film that was most likely born out of way too much free time and entirely way too much marijuana and psychedelic use is far more difficult than it sounds. Writer/producers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, who at this point on are the furthest things from strangers to regular cinephiles, seemingly have some of the biggest balls in the entertainment industry. They have not only managed to keep the idea of the "stoner comedy" alive and well, but recently even managed to finally adapt one of the most popular comic books of all time to television after so many before them attempted or failed to do so. Conceptualizing and realizing a motion picture such as Sausage Party is just so incredibly strange though. After all, an animated tale about food that must band together once they realize that their ultimate fate is to end up inside the mouths and stomachs of those who they once cherished and revered? That....is a really, really silly basis for any big screen show that cost nineteen million dollars to make. In fact, it borders on just plain idiotic, with the possibility of this series of niche jokes wearing thin after a shockingly short amount of time has passed.


Thankfully, Sausage Party, directed by animation veteran Conrad Vernon (Shrek 2, Monsters vs Aliens) and relative newcomer Greg Tiernan, is also incredibly, absurdly funny. In fact, next to February's Deadpool (the argument for which flick is more crude will certainly pop up soon), I can't recall a time this year where I laughed this much in a theater. A sizable chunk of the movie's humor is built off of running with the "ridiculous" factor, managing to appeal to a wider array of fans than even those who viewed the trailer would believe that it could accomplish. True, most audiences will still consist of real-life counterparts of those who we saw throughout pictures like Half Baked and Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle, but it won't be made up of solely dopes like some critics think that it will be. It's like picking up a cheap item on the menu from a restaurant that you expect to be at least decent, but are surprised that its taste and size is actually comparable to that of the more expensive entrees.


For a premise that looks fairly simple on paper, there actually is more going on in Sausage Party that one would suspect. There are the food equivalents of race wars and divides, religious conflicts, and multiple discussions about sexuality that permeate throughout its crisp, smooth running time. Of course, the obvious hot dog and bun jokes are something that even your average eighth grader could come up with, as are some of the puns and one-liners from our primary antagonist of the picture (hilariously voiced by the supremely underrated Nick Kroll), but they're forgivable in the long run considering how many quips, one-liners, and amusing anecdotes manage to stick their landing so well. There is also a fairly funny allegory for arguments about one's views on deities. It also strays away from one of my very few fears that I had about the trailer by not shoving any sort of theme into the picture about not consuming certain products. Every single piece of produce, meat, spice, and sauce are treated equally in the film, and you feel horrible for any segment that involves their grisly demise. Mind you, there is a good chance that you will be laughing heartily during said sequences too like I was doing more times than I could count.


Some may complain that Sausage Party's animation is pretty average, and you wouldn't be incorrect. Hell, I can think of a myriad of pictures released by DreamWorks during the first half of the 2000s that look better than this. But if you were looking for that to be your main draw or attraction, then I believe that you are searching for the wrong type of flick. As one would also suspect, the voice cast is rather large and in fine form. Sure, Seth Rogen and his usual band of misfits and cohorts are here (ask me who in particular shows up, and I can answer "yes" to each guess before you even finish their full name), but after this many products have been released that feature his name attached to it, you should fully expect that. Some Saturday Night Live alumni also pop up, including Bill Hader (Trainwreck, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs) as an aged bottle of whiskey who somehow manages to convince me that one can smoke assorted things through a kazoo, and Kristen Wiig (Ghostbusters, Welcome To Me) as Frank's buxom, fluffy love interest. However, snagging veteran performers like Edward Norton (American History X, Fight Club) and Salma Hayek (From Dusk Til Dawn, Frida) could not have been an easy task. Then again, if I was the former actor, I might relish the chance to voice a bagel who utters the phrase "mashugana cunt" if the opportunity presented itself to me.


I am well aware that there are younger people who occasionally check out my own reviews, but I would say that as a closet one myself, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg are living proof that all stoners or potheads should not be stereotyped. Heck, movies like this were made to be enjoyed with friends who are equally sick-minded and willing to drink a beer or partake in smoking something that should not be illegal before the screening takes place. Sausage Party is a much more well-crafted project than it has the right to be, balancing outrageous, vulgar humor with some heart, a clever script, and a fairly good message about solidarity during times of chaos and violence. Oh, and its third act manages to jump the shark in the type of manner that drives it from "good" to "great." In a way, it's the foulmouthed, deranged cousin of another animated release from earlier in the year that also had fine intentions and preached what we all need to be hearing in this tough climate that we are waiting for to be over in several months from now.



Let's just hope that's the last time I ever compare a motion picture from Disney to another film containing rampant use of bath salts though.

Suicide Squad (2016) Review

Superpowered beings have emerged from the skies and the shadows, and because of it, a wave of destruction and battles have ravaged cities and increased the number of civilian casualties. Cautious of any potential future threats, intelligence officer Amanda Waller presents a curious concept to government officials that could benefit them more than they could ever imagine: a group of expendable convicts, some imbued with powers of their own, will be lead by Special Forces standout Rick Flag. They will proceed to carry out dirty and dangerous missions in order to have their own sentences reduced, all while being closely monitored by Waller herself, who will implant small explosives in their heads to ensure that they do not stray from the path. When one of the intended recruits goes rogue, intending to annihilate all of mankind, the idea is made concrete, and the team of expendables is hastily assembled and sent to work.



In case you have been living under a rather heavy rock, Warner Bros' track record for big screen adaptations of DC Comics properties during the new decade has been rather...well, rocky to say the least. While a good number of us are anticipating future installments in this newfound universe over the course of the next five years, we seem to be doing so with arguably massive hesitations. After all, when your flagship and launching point for this was the extremely divisive Man of Steel, one can't be entirely surprised that nervousness has reached highs that no fans should ever have to experience. So, during this downtime between superhero films, the decision to bring Task Force X, also known by the more familiar, catchier-sounding "Suicide Squad" to cinemas around the country, sounded like an awfully risky thing to do. Choosing to handle a group of villains whose entire purpose is to forcefully and begrudgingly serve a higher, more noble power against their wills seems unusual. Why not focus on a more guaranteed money-maker like the Teen Titans? Or try to do a bigger, better, and more proper handling of the Green Lantern? True, we are getting those down the line, but the questions still linger in the back of your mind.


In a weird, yet tragic sort of way, the handling of Suicide Squad is not too different from that of another installment in the realm of "comic book" movies that came out just last year. You have an established property, known decently well by hardcore fans, with just enough recognizable names (be they fictional characters or real-life performers) to ensure a good box office intake and high merchandise sales. You have a talented individual sitting in the director's chair and writing the script (in this case, David Ayer, whose track record includes writing Training Day and directing End Of Watch), who has been able to provide more than their fair share of respectable and/or good motion pictures in the past. However, you are also at the mercy of your distributor, who can be rather ruthless, demanding, or pestering at times. Because of this, a myriad of problems arise, shining all too bright for even the blindest of fans to ignore. Much of the humor that was added in due to the backlash that this year's Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice received for being what many called "too dark" feels incredibly forced, with one or two quips and lines out of twelve producing a chuckle. Whenever a filmmaker is forced to go back and do reshoots, or add in material against their will, it rarely ever works to the flick's advantage. Even if someone such as me thought that Batman v. Superan had far more problems than not being fun enough, this decision ends up as more of a grave misfire rather than helping to provide anything extra on the positive side of things. As I said above, there are a small handful of laughs, most coming from Will Smith's Deadshot, but that has more to do with the charismatic actor playing an exaggerated version of himself rather than the iconic ruthless assassin that he has been cast as. For somebody who is a cold, mostly humorless killer in the comics, all you end up waiting on is for him to spout his usual "aw hell nah" rhetoric that he's so well known for. For her first time appearing on the big screen, psychotic fan favorite Harley Quinn is given more than enough time to provide the laughs, even if not all of them hit (and god knows there were a LOT of gags and wisecracks that she spits out). Next to the two cameos from two particular protagonists whose names I will not give away, and an entertainingly ruthless job by Viola Davis as government official Amanda Waller, she's easily the best part of the picture, and Margot Robbie seems to be relishing every minute and moment that she gets to appear on screen. How much of that can steeped in reality and how much is rooted in fiction I'll never know, but I digress. They are the most akin to what we define as a "complete" character, which is oddly one of the main problems that Suicide Squad has, though it's far from its biggest fault.


In fact, the technical and behind-the-scenes aspects of Suicide Squad could realistically be its worst offenders. The computer-generated imagery and effects are, at their best, passable, with the highlight being the earliest version of primary antagonist The Enchantress (played by Cara Delevingne, whose performance devolves into complete B-movie camp towards the end). At their worst, they are inexcusably horrendous. There are far too many instances where they are eerily reminiscent of the work seen in Alex Proyas' Gods Of Egypt, and I assure you, that is the furthest thing from a compliment (and boy do the Enchantress and her brother make for lousy, corny villains). Suddenly, Doomsday's ugly, crowbarred appearance in Batman v. Superman isn't looking so bad after all. It also suffers from some of the choppiest editing that I've seen in a bigger budget film to date. I know that its predecessor had at least a good half hour removed from its running time, but one wonders exactly how much of Suicide Squad was left on the cutting room floor. To my knowledge, Jared Leto's Joker had a large number of his scenes removed from the theatrical print, which may partially explain as to why his character ultimately serves no purpose for being there, contributing essentially nothing to the overall main story arc during his shockingly short amount of screen time. Supporting members of Task Force X, such as Japanese swordswoman Kitana and the quirky Captain Boomerang, though certainly anticipated by readers and familiars such as myself, are barely utilized. I kept wondering if Ayer forgot that they were in the picture to begin with, and others such as Killer Croc and El Diablo, as close as they may come to being "cool," feel an awful lot like MacGuffins, and badly stereotyped ones at that. Truth be told, you could remove nearly every member of the team save for about two or three, and you would end up with nearly the same movie that we get in the end. Say what you will about Marvel's team-up movies and their occasional tendency to overcrowd things, but they attempted to make every single member have a purpose (and a more fleshed out personality) that didn't only matter until the final moments of the third act. Another gigantic snafu comes from what I can only assume was Zack Snyder's influence (he serves as executive producer here), and that is the grating, stupefyingly bad soundtrack that was added in during post-production. Similar to what that director decided to do with the false feminism disaster known as Sucker Punch, we are barraged with an endless amount of recognizable songs for nearly half of the film's length (it's enough to pack onto three LPs). I'm certain that this was meant to be their version of what Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy did with its unabashed love of songs from the 1970s and 1980s, but control is what separates those two pictures from one another. It's the movie equivalent of when your friend makes a sixty minute long playlist in iTunes, then proceeds to play every song on it for the first fifteen to twenty seconds before skipping to the next one. You just want to ask them to stop, take a breather, and remind them that you're starting to annoy every single person that you're trying to please. At the very least, they mercifully didn't play Ozzy Osbourne's "Crazy Train" during the Joker's introduction.


Speaking of the Oscar winner's portrayal as the Joker, I was really hoping that I would not have to discuss this or even type some of those sentences in the paragraph above. However, given that so much of the marketing has been built around seeing him pop up in the picture, it feels inevitable. I am open for different interpretations of a classic character, but given that nearly every incarnation of Batman's primary adversary has at least had the common decency to make him intimidating or even frightening, the decision to write this version of the Clown Prince of Crime as nothing more than an inked, irritating, wannabe Juggalo gangster does nothing but disappoint you in the end. It's a shame, as even with the more photos that were revealed during the buildup to this movie's release, I still had some faith that there would be some semblance of a good Joker buried underneath the platinum grills and horrendous tattoos. If fans and moviegoers are satisfied with this performance, more power to them. But I dreaded seeing him every time that he appeared in the movie's two hour running time, fearful that his overacting and poor mimicry of Heath Ledger was just going to increase my disappointment with the overall product.


I know that I am occasionally labeled by friends, cohorts, and familiars as being too fickle when it comes to reviewing flicks like Suicide Squad. On more than one occasion, I have been labeled a Marvel fanboy, which...well, I can't fully argue against (though I implore that you don't get me started on the recently released X-Men: Apocalypse). At the end of the day, for as much as I think that this is a wasted opportunity and just an all-around rubbish movie, I will come to its defense. While I am currently finishing my own review for this, there is a petition to get websites such as RottenTomatoes.com shut down, due to the backlash that Suicide Squad and its DC brethren have been receiving (thank you to fellow reviewer John Squires for hilariously pointing out that the movie's distributor owns the aforementioned site as well). In a time where nerds are seemingly divided over the silliest, and most trivial of things, I implore that you direct your rage towards those who truly deserve it.


And that, my fellow geeks, is Warner Bros. Please tell them to have confidence in their directors and their vision, even if it garners mixed reviews from fans and critics alike (I'd rather witness this bringing in 50/50 opinions, rather than 30/70). Tell them that going back to shoot additional scenes to make a picture more "lighthearted" or "amusing" isn't always necessary, and that by coupling that decision with the one to noticeably edit out material that feels like it is obviously crucial, can sometimes end up turning your release into an absolute mess, harming the franchise and box office numbers in the end. Tell them to not influence someone in such a way, that they end up going to a red carpet premiere, shouting "FUCK MARVEL!" at the top of their lungs out of what we assume is due to anger, frustration, jealousy, or a combination of all three. There isn't anything wrong with enjoying a nice bowl of pasta without having the need to drown it in shredded parmesan cheese and pounds of grounded black pepper, and yelling at the kitchen staff to bring out the next dish for your guest within five minutes isn't going to help matters either. You are allowed to take things slow. There isn't a need to catch up to Marvel Studios or Fox, as it isn't like these characters are going to be forgotten about tomorrow by the public at large. At this rate, I'm more scared for Wonder Woman and Justice League than I ever thought that I was going to be.



........Of course, I'll be there opening night for both though. I have nothing better to do these days.