Unseen Terror 2018: Day 2

A crew of mercenaries head out across the South China Sea in hopes of robbing a prominent cruise ship called the Argonautica, which is owned by millionaire Simon Canton. As soon as the barge is set for sail, it suddenly comes into contact with a large, unknown object in the water. Shortly afterwards, the crew of hijackers approach the Argonautica, preparing to sink the large vessel as soon as their job is done. Upon arrival, however, there seems to be no sign of the passengers and discover nothing but blood on board. Those who have survived band together with these intruders to combat something out of the ordinary that has surfaced from deep within the waters: hideous, tentacled worm-like monstrosities with an appetite for human flesh.



Prior to my first time viewing, I had very few memories of Deep Rising's mere existence. It seemed lost in the shuffle with other "natural horror" films from around the time such as Lake Placid and Anaconda. Those of you who know me are well aware of my love for most things related to this subgenre, be they from the states or from overseas. There's something so utterly fun about watching humanity constantly struggle with (un)earthly creatures that are hellbent on either eating us or smashing all of our cities beneath their feet. Unfortunately, I wish that Deep Rising could be held in the highest regards with other heavyweights in these categories, but there is just so much working against this film that I came out rather frustrated.


Unlike a lot of natural horror from throughout the decades, Deep Rising doesn't seem completely aware that it's a B movie. It fails to take full advantage of the very silly concept by making the audience think that everything uttered by our protagonists seemed important. Even the goofiest moments of flicks like Anaconda seemed self-aware that they weren't exactly making a motion picture of high quality and ultimately told those in attendance "okay, let's just go with it. Go grab a pint." Here, most of this movie is taking the material so seriously and notable director Stephen Sommers fails to recognize most of the horror aspects. Nothing really feels scary, and the hideous late 90s CGI prevents the audience from being able to enjoy what practical effects and props that there are.


Deep Rising's biggest weakness comes in the form of the "characters." I have to use quotes there, because most of the cast barely constitute as those. Treat Williams (Dead Heat, Hair), Famke Janssen (X-Men, Goldeneye), Cliff Curtis (Fear the Walking Dead), Not-Nick Nolte (Anthony Heald of Silence of the Lambs fame), and nearly everyone here that you can find on IMDB are undoubtedly talented performers, but with the combination of a weak script and very little time spent getting to know or sympathize with them, you just don't find anybody worth rooting or caring for. There's admittedly a good chunk of people who will say that such a thing isn't a big problem for a movie about something beneath the sea slaughtering people, but I will always look to Jaws as an argument for why strong characters matter in flicks like these. There is however one memorable character among the bunch, and he ends up being the very worst component of this film. Director Stephen Sommers has a tendency to cast Kevin J. O'Connor in most of his projects, including follow-up pictures such as The Mummy and Van Helsing. Similar to those efforts, O'Connor's "Joey" is beyond irritating, but unlike his roles in those two releases, they want the audience to root for him during its entire duration. He's like Private Hudson of Aliens fame, only without any moments of being able to delve into badassery, which just results in him being a whiney nuisance. Speaking of the James Cameron classic, the similarities between this property and that one are surprisingly more abundant than any newcomer will expect. I won't go into every little aspect since it would take up too much of this review, but let's just say that the only thing missing was a little girl to accompany the crew.


There is potential hidden within Deep Rising to be a truly fun cheesy action/horror hybrid. I did fail to mention some above average bloodshed and some fairly decent makeup work courtesy of Rob Bottin (The Thing, Robocop), but I just couldn't fully get on board with it. It feels like a precursor to all of those awful SyFy channel movies from the mid-2000s and beyond (its mediocrity may be the reason as to why this never received any sequels). Unless you're a completist of all things 90s, then I wouldn't strongly recommend this one. As of this moment, there is a packed Blu-ray available from Kino Lorber, and as of now, you can also view it on streaming services such as HBO Go.



Or you can just go watch 1977's Tentacles instead.


Wait, that one is worse.


Erm....maybe you should just watch a BBC documentary.



Tomorrow, the monster parade continues with an obscure release from Toho !

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 25

Famed psychic Helga Ulmann is holding a lecture for a small gathering of interested onlookers, but in the middle of demonstrating her abilities, she senses and calls out an unknown, malevolent force in the audience. Later that evening, musician Marcus Daly walks home and witnesses Helga, who happens to be his neighbor, being brutally assaulted by a mysterious, trenchcoat-wearing assailant. Though he is too late to stop the madman from ending her life, he notices a number of clues beginning to pop up after the police arrive at the scene of the crime. It doesn't take long for this killer to strike again though, which leads to Marcus deciding to team with reporter Gianna Brezzi, and the two begin to find themselves fending for their own lives while attempting to solve these unusually violent crimes.



Last year, I managed to obtain a copy of Italian giant Dario Argento's fantastic gem Phenomena. It resulted in a review that I'm still rather proud of, and the film was easily in the top three of last year's Unseen Terror marathon. But there was something that I feel was glossed over, or worse yet, straight up forgotten about during my writings: it was my very first full-length feature that I had ever seen from the legendary director. This was a shock to not only myself, but to the few others that I regularly discuss horror with, especially since at this age, there was no excuse to wait this long. So, I figured that the need to travel back and start from the (near) beginning was a wise move. Thus, Blue Underground's copy of Profondo Rosso (a.k.a. Deep Red) found its way into my hands, and I knew that we were good to go.


To my surprise, Profondo Rosso plays out more like a murder mystery than a straight up supernatural-based horror flick such as Phenomena. This almost became an obstacle for me, but I warmed up rather quickly since it would just be plain silly to dismiss an Argento film because of something so banal. Plus, there hasn't been a single Italian entry that didn't try and incorporate elements of something related to, but not necessarily contained within horror into the genre itself (even Monster Dog attempted to throw in a lycanthropic twist towards its conclusion). That did not stop me from being a bit irked though when it came to some very small details: the movie moves a tiny bit slower than I expected it to, though I've heard that such an issue is only present in the unrated cut (which I watched) and not the theatrical one. The plot can also become a bit jumbled if you aren't dedicating your undivided attention to the project. These may just be personal nitpickings of mine, but I suspect that I won't be the only newcomer who experiences these same issues, even if they are miniscule and could likely be eliminated with repeated screenings.


With those minor complaints out of the way, we can get to the meat and potatoes of what makes this Giallo production so darn good. Dario Argento is an absolute master of setting up murders in his pictures, and the ones seen throughout Profondo Rosso are some of the more devastating-looking ones seen so far during this year's iteration of thirty-one films in thirty-one days. One particular standout moment comes in the form of a person being drowned in scalding hot bathtub water. It's very simple, but agonizingly great in its execution. There are more than a few segments and thrilling events which will elicit a quick "OH!" response from fully invested viewers and even hardened veterans similar to myself. To say that the Italians are professionals at making death look glamourous would be a massive understatement. Something that is also immediately noticeable about Profondo Rosso once it starts up is the score, which is once again provided by instrumental progressive rockers Goblin. It's arguably the best soundtrack that the group has ever provided for an entire motion picture, with the brilliant use of keyboards and synthesizers just oozing cool and emitting this real sense of dread. Making the audience feel slightly claustrophobic and as if we could be going insane ourselves is no easy task. It's coupled together with some wisely done cinematography, which comes courtesy of the late Luigi Kuveiller. The film looks gorgeous, and with smart camerawork we feel as though we're occasionally stuck in a dream (an eerily similar vibe also spotted in Phenomena). Our lead actors also play their characters well enough that they have the same amount of genuine intrigue as you do, especially David Hemmings (Blowup), who despite spouting off some pretty dated-sounding sexist lines, is easy to identify with. Daria Nicolodi, a.ka. the future Mrs. Argento (and eventual mother to the vexing Asia) is extremely charismatic and spunky, making her presence a welcome addition to keep it from being nothing but constant brooding. It's a little strange seeing her and the other members of the cast casually go back and forth between speaking Italian and English both in the same conversation for reasons that aren't fully explained, but as I said in my review of Del Toro's Cronos, if Star Wars can get away with it, then by Lemmy others should be able to as well.


Seeing as how I am still somewhat of an Argento newbie, I am hesitant to call Profondo Rosso the man's masterpiece as many before have proclaimed. Hell, I haven't even gotten to any of his other more well-known movies (yet). But it is a very well-crafted piece of art that certainly stands out in a crowd full of much simpler, safer cinematic releases. Currently, there are multiple ways for one to purchase this Italian production, including several DVD releases and a couple of Blu-rays here and there. I'd advise picking it up before someone in Hollywood decides to remake it for no reason whatsoever.



Besides, eliminating a great composition such as this for something by say, Black Veil Brides?

Yeah, that would earn you a paddlin'.




Tomorrow? Well, I'm not quite sure what we're doing. Unless I become sick, the option of attending a Gwar show in Baltimore is highly likely. Because of that, we're either going for a revisit involving an otherworldly girl and circular objects, or heading to Poland to check out some mermaids. Stay tuned to see which one it is!