Unseen Terror 2022: Catching the Hell Up

Sometimes I truly despise having to write. Whether that can be attributed to writer's block or lethargy I'm not sure. Still, here I am. Again. Thank you for your patience. Though I have certainly not been behind on the viewing portions of "Unseen Terror," having to log a lengthy review for every entry is sometimes grating considering that I usually come home physically and emotionally drained. Anyway, enough kvetching and moaning. Let's play "catch up," shall we?

DAY 7:

I had honest-to-Lemmy forgotten that there was a documentary out there about the rabid fanaticism for the Evil Dead franchise. Having previously reviewed documentaries about the likes of Pet Sematary and other properties, I had much higher hopes for the aptly titled Hail to the Deadites. Sadly, I really wish I could have liked this more than I did. There is some genuine love and heart to be found throughout its running time, but if you were to show this to a complete stranger (though I'm not sure who you would be able to convince to sit down and watch this without having seen a single frame of an Evil Dead flick), I imagine that their initial response would be something along the lines of "I don't get it." Worse yet is that it's shockingly boring and meandering at times. This wasn't necessarily bad, but it isn't what I would classify as a necessary viewing. Perhaps the most amusing part is how they dedicate an obscenely large amount of time to one quirky couple who met over a shared love for the films, then follow them as they prepare for their upcoming wedding. One year later, they divorced. Perhaps I'm rotten for laughing at that as hard as I did.

DAY 8:

DAY 9:

The yearly Goosebumps viewing commenced, and though I found "Vampire Breath" (pictured above) and "Calling All Creeps" to both be marginally entertaining in different ways (sadly I never read either of the books for these ones), I feel as though I'm picking scraps from the carcass that is this distinctly 90s television series from the frightening land known as Canada. The highlight comes from the former having an ending that is eerily reminiscent of a segment in The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror IV" episode. Whether that was intentional or not I haven't the faintest idea, but it made me chuckle, nonetheless.

DAY 10:

.....don't give me that look. I'm allowed to cheat once in a while. And besides, how can one turn down an offer to watch a Godzilla film wherein he fights a behemoth that is born from his initial demise in 1954? And that beast sports an aggregate form that resembles a giant, f'd up hybrid that looks like a gross combination of a Xenomorph (complete with a "mouth within a mouth") and a mutated crustacean? Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, the conclusion the Big G's second "era," is an entry that seems to have one foot in the door of the horror genre, as the plot revolves around a Godzilla that is, in layman's terms, overflowing with radioactivity to the point where he WILL experience a meltdown that can annihilate the entire planet (the tagline for its poster was "GODZILLA DIES" in case you doubted the severity of the situation). Perhaps one day I'll venture worth and do a revisiting of every single entry in this near seventy-year-old franchise. For now, I'll just say that you should sit down and find a way to experience every entry in what is dubbed the "Heisei" era. They all have a connecting story, some truly remarkable monsters, and grandiose scores.

DAY 11:

Y'know, considering all of the times that I've attempted to do something "themed" for the day of my birth (more often than not it's a picture released in 1985), it never dawned on me that the said-to-be underrated Happy Birthday to Me was sitting there right under my nose. Thankfully this bad boy popped up on Tubi (though with an AWFUL alternate cover) and it was about damn time that I viewed this oddity. Happy Birthday to Me, directed by the late J. Lee Thompson (of Cape Fear and Guns of Navarone fame) is more akin to a psychological thriller or "whodunit" mystery than a flat-out slasher picture, and I was pleasantly surprised by this revelation. The plot revolves around a small group of teenagers and their disappearances coinciding around the time of one of their birthdays. The cast of characters are written to be a bit on the snobby side, which does make a lot of sense considering that they all attend a rather prestigious academy, but the highlight and main focus of the picture is Virginia Wainwright (played excellently by Little House on the Prairie's Melissa Sue Anderson), who seems to have gone through some pretty traumatic stuff in her childhood that could lead you to believe that perhaps she is either a cold-blooded killer or a classic "red herring." The plot does become a bit confusing at certain points and I do wish that they had been able to shave off at least ten minutes' worth of running time, but this was such a delight. Check it out.

DAYS 12-13:

Man oh man, I feel like punching myself for having slept on Don Mancini's new Chucky series for USA & SyFy (which is thankfully streaming in its entirety on Peacock). If I haven't stated it before, the Child's Play franchise has grown into perhaps a top 5 favorite for me personally and watching the growth of series mainstay and mastermind Don Mancini (who save for the remake, has had direct involvement in every single installment in some way shape or form) has been quite grand. The show follows teenager Jake Wheeler as he comes into possession of the now infamous "Good Guy" doll, and we slowly watch as not only does Chucky begin to do what he does best, but we witness him attempt to manipulate all of those around him into becoming just as depraved and sick as he is. The cast is all quite excellent and seeing fan favorites like Jennifer Tilly and Fiona Dourif reprise their roles from prior movies is a treat. The kills are also quite grand. The first episode contains a sequence involving Chucky vomiting and causing an electrocution. Once that had finished, I knew I was on board. If you are seeking out something extremely entertaining to watch for the month, I highly recommend it. Now to begin Season 2...

DAY 14:

In all seriousness, I go into further details regarding my thoughts about this supposed "final" entry in the Halloween franchise (or at least, for this new trilogy) on the Jortscenter Podcast Feed. Yes, I am plugging the podcast that I do with my friends. This pile of slop is proving to be very divisive among fans and I can understand arguments on both sides of why they do/do not enjoy it. Without going into too many spoilers, I will say that overall, I was not a fan of what essentially feels like the "Poochie" entry in the Halloween series. It didn't aggravate me the same way that its predecessor Halloween Kills did, but that is very faint praise for what I felt was an extremely frustrating experience.

DAY 15: 

I'm still perplexed as to why this film (which also goes by the much more straightforward title of "Insect") has such a bizarre title. Regardless, it was about damn time I got the chance to log another "natural" horror flick for Unseen Terror. I truly do wish that there were more killer bug movies out there that had some semblance of a budget or care put into the finished product. Blue Monkey (directed by future Goosebumps television series regular William Fruet) is a hoot of a big bug flick that pays an equal amount of homage to Alien as it does your prototypical "outbreak" motion picture. The acting is surprisingly quite serious for such an absurdly, silly film, but that just adds to its charm. Set primarily inside of a hospital, Blue Monkey follows as a small group of doctors struggling to survive the sudden, violent emergence of a rather large insect that seems intent on picking them off (when it isn't focused on somehow being to able to breed through hermaphroditic means). I have to thank the wonderfully talented Dr. Rebekah McKendry for turning me on to this movie's existence a number of years ago via her excellent "All the Colors of the Dark" podcast. While I am unsure as to whether it has seen a proper Blu-Ray release or not, you can currently seek it out on YouTube.

Side note: please do the Jortscenter podcast Bekah. We're uh, cool I swear.

DAY 16:

For the first time in goodness knows how long, I have no earthly idea how to review an entry for "Unseen Terror." You might stare at the poster for Dogface: A Trap House Horror and assume it's likely to be low budget garbage that wishes it were as cool as something like say, Bones or Tales from the Hood. You would be oh, so wrong though. This movie.........is in a league of its own. I can't call this a good film by any stretch of the imagination, but oh boy is it a fascinating experiment in trying to make a flick that thinks it is deep or even coherent. I suppose the best way that I can describe Dogface would be if notorious filmmaker Neil Breen decided to make Jacob's Ladder. Even then, that is nowhere near the right comparison I can make. I truly hope we can discuss this on a future podcast, or that the good folks at Red Letter Media can bring more attention to its sheer and utter weirdness. Recommended only for those who are in the mood for something absolutely batshit crazy and nonsensical.

DAY 17:

Ah yes, here's the (mostly) yearly Stephen King pick. To be brutally honest with you, I had no familiarity with Quicksilver Highway's mere existence until planning this year's list. Once I saw that it adapted one of my favorite King shorts ("Chattery Teeth") and also contained a Clive Barker adaptation for its second story, I was fully on board though. Plus, it has the wonderful Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) as a central character/narrator and it's directed by the marvelous Mick Garris, who directed Critters 2 and wrote Hocus Pocus. What could go wr----you know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Alas this one was just such a colossal disappointment, and I don't think I can fault the fact that this was originally pitched as a TV pilot. More so, I'd just say that these particular stories don't quite work on the big OR small screen (especially when the severed CGI hands in Barker's story "The Body Politic" look worse than the animation in the "Money for Nothing" music video). The acting is serviceable at best and while each story is certainly memorable, they aren't especially scary or creepy. Unless you're a completist for Barker and King, you can skip right over this one.

DAY 18:

FINALLY, we close out this blog entry with what will undoubtedly go down as a highlight for this year's marathon. I had been meaning to watch Dario Argento's rather infamous Opera for quite a while, and truth be told it was supposed to end up on not only last year's (cancelled) list, but the past two ones before it! Burnout be damned this time around though. Once I saw that this beauty ended up on both Shudder AND Tubi, I felt as there was no excuse to miss it now. Plus, I need a GOOD Italian picture to erase the stench of Zombi 4 and Zombi 5.

The plot for Opera follows a young soprano understudy named Betty who has taken on the role of "Lady Macbeth" in a rather extravagant production of "Verdi's Macbeth." Though she was not the initial choice, her mentor is battling an injury that will keep her on the sidelines. During opening night, a stagehand is mysteriously murdered by an unknown assailant. In no short order, Betty finds herself being stalked by a maniac who seems more content with forcing her to watch those around her who she cares for suffer horrible fates, rather than kill her outright. The primary method in which they enact this sort of torture on poor Betty is what you see on the poster above: they tape needles underneath her eyes, so that she is forced to watch any killing that occurs. It is downright chilling and extremely unnerving in a way that only a maestro like Argento can pull off (as are all of the kills this time around). The score, composed by longtime associate Claudio Simonetti (joined this time by both Brian Eno and Bill Wyman!) also kicks a ton of ass and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find a copy of it on vinyl ASAP.

There are a few gripes that I had with Opera though. For starters, the plot does feel a bit jumbled in spots. I had legitimately forgotten there was a rather important aspect to Betty's background that they seemed to just kinda forget until the very end. The dubbing is also very questionable, but that's Giallo for ya I suppose. Finally, I do wish that they had shaved off at least a few minutes. Minor complaints though.

Not sure what else I can say here (and that's mostly because I'm very tired). Go watch Opera. It slaps y'all.

Unseen Terror 2020: Days 26-31

 Note to self: look up "YouTube for Dummies" at work when you get the chance to.

Oh....erm, you weren't supposed to see that.

Let's just, uh, get these things out of the way. Thankfully I try to save the good stuff for the end of this yearly marathon, and I think that every film I'll (briefly) discuss is worth going out of your way to watch.

I don't quite recall how I first heard about Dario Argento's Tenebrae (heralded by many as one of his five or six magnum opuses), but I do owe it to myself to try and view every picture that he has released throughout his career. Yes, I'm aware that I didn't even watch my first film by the Italian giant until a few years ago (Phenomena, followed by Suspiria and Deep Red) but after one becomes acquainted and a tad bit obsessed with a particular director and their own unique brand or style, that shouldn't surprise you a whole lot. Tenebrae follows prolific writer Peter Neal as he takes a trip to Rome to promote his newest book: a murder-mystery novel titled "Tenebrae." Almost immediately after landing, a series of murders begins, with the killer ripping pages from the book and stuffing them into the mouths of the victims. Disturbed and confused, Neal teams up with two detectives and his assistant in an attempt to figure out who in the world is behind this string of killings and why they seem to be obsessed with the author's works. 

On the surface, fanaticism being taken a bit too far seems to be Tenebrae's primary focus, though I do believe there's a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to its themes and symbolism. This is one exceptional piece in the subgenre known as "giallo," and it will probably take me a few more viewings to dissect it. Then again, when it comes to Dario Argento, he's one of those directors whose body of work is best experienced if you are patient or possibly a little more "seasoned." Tenebrae is slow, and feels longer than it actually is. The acting is very up and down across the board, and even the presence of the recently departed John Saxon can't quite lift it up all the way. It's also, however, unmistakably stylish and incredibly well shot. The kills are executed across mostly bright surfaces and bright rooms, which makes the blood splatter stand out in a way that almost makes you feel as though you're staring at someone lose their mind inside of an art gallery. The Italian horror flicks have always managed to deliver beauty during moments of unbelievable brutality. The soundtrack is also composed by frequent Argento collaborators Goblin and to the surprise of no one it is killer. And despite my observation that Tenebrae isn't the fastest-moving picture, it never bores. If you've got some caffeine or a nice glass of wine on you, fire this one up on Shudder.

Honestly, the less I say about 1981's Dead & Buried the better. And that is NOT a bad thing, as I view this tiny gem (recommended for years by my own parents!) as one of the absolute best that I've gotten the chance to watch this season. The story is about a small town sheriff who begins to investigate a series of murders that seem to primarily involve tourists or people just passing through. Even more bizarre is when some of those individuals begin to reappear walking around the town as if nothing had occurred. Dead & Buried has one hell of a list of talent involved. Behind the camera you've got screenwriter Dan O'Bannon of Return of the Living Dead & Alien fame. On screen you've got a very solid cast which includes a young Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street) in a small supporting role and Jack Albertson (Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) as a positively strange mortician who seems to be a little too proud of his work. The script for Dead & Buried is surprisingly smarter than one would expect, and it baffles me that this was categorized as a slasher movie when it really plays out more like a horror/mystery combination rather than your typical "killer in a mask stalking young adults playing teenagers" fare. There are some genuinely creepy as fuck moments in the flick, including some that played into personal phobias of mine (you'll be able to guess). It does suffer from having somewhat of a predictable final twist, but that shouldn't stop you from seeking this one out. I do hope that this finds an audience over time.

Fade to Black serves as a cautionary tale for sad weirdos like myself that you should probably take your movie obsession down a notch sometimes. The film stars Dennis Christopher (Breaking Away, Stephen King's It) as Eric, a strange and socially awkward cinephile who after having taken a bit too much shit throughout the entirety of his life, finally snaps and starts to kill those who wronged him by impersonating some of his favorite fictional characters from the silver screen. This amusing piece has been enjoying a lot more popularity over the past year or so thanks to (in my opinion) the lengthy documentary known as In Search of Darkness, which chronicles the 1980s horror scene. It isn't hard to see why this has been receiving a lot of love: the cast, which also includes a very young Mickey Rourke, is mostly solid, with Christopher turning into a wonderfully fun performance that makes Eric out to be more sympathetic than we initially think he'll be. The entire time that we are watching his descent into madness we're thinking that "the poor fucker never had a chance," and amusingly enough another character utters these very words later on towards the film's climax. I feel like most of this flick wouldn't work without Christopher (or at least its flaws would be more glaringly obvious). Unfortunately the supporting cast doesn't fare quite as well, despite as I mentioned, turning in mostly good performances. I would place a lot of that blame on what is very likely time restraints or tampering with the script. Most of Fade to Black works really damn well though, and in the end it's another nice hidden gem that has been seemingly dug out of obscurity and given a new lease on life. It's currently streaming on Shudder and is set to receive a Blu-Ray release via the reputable Vinegar Syndrome quite soon.

Here's a quick review for you of this one: if you don't like Gwar, then Phallus in Wonderland isn't likely to convert you into a new fan. Gwar released a series of full-length "movies" during the 1990s and this story of Oderus Urungus' "Cuttlefish of Cthulu" being stolen and put on trial was the very first and arguably most prolific (it was nominated for a friggin' Grammy). The movie is messy, loud, and pretty damn dumb. As someone who enjoys the band because of all three of those traits, however, I was thoroughly entertained. If anything, it also taught me that smoking crack will transport me to Antarctica and entitle me to a private Gwar concert. Neat.

I remember seeing the trailers for both of the full-length theatrical releases associated with Tales from the Crypt EVERYWHERE when I was a kid, but much like the show itself, I was never permitted to see either of them until much later on in life. Man oh man do I wish I had seen Demon Knight (one of THREE proposed pictures that were to be associated with Tales) when I was younger though: I would have ended up buying this bad boy on at least three different physical media formats. The story begins with...well, technically the Crypt Keeper giving us a quick rundown of what we're about to watch. I don't know why I expected him to NOT show up. Silly me. Anyway, it opens with William Sadler (Die Hard 2, The Shawshank Redemption) on the run from Billy Zane (Titanic, The Phantom) and him taking refuge in what was once a church that has now been converted into a boarding house. Inside we meet a gaggle of familiar faces: Thomas Haden Church (Sideways), Dick Miller (Gremlins, The Terminator, fucking EVERYTHING), CCH Pounder (Justice League Unlimited, The Shield), and Jada Pinkett (of Wicked Wisdom fame bruh) just to name a few. Some time passes and Zane shows up again, and after some ruckus has been brought, we find out that he's pursuing a very specific artifact that may in fact be the key to all of hell reigning over the earth. Demon Knight is utterly bonkers, and if I may be so eloquent, my kind of shit. The performances are what makes some pieces of 90s horror cinema so memorable (Zane in particular RULES here), the practical effects work and makeup are solid, and it manages that proper balance of horror and humor that is harder to accomplish than you'd think. Most importantly, it's FUN. I managed to catch this via a friend's Plex account, but should I have a few extra bucks lying around during Xmas time, I'm not hesitating to add this to my collection.

We reach the end....for now. The good news is that I managed to fit in thirty-one features into the month yet again. The bad news is that I have to make the sad confession that up until the year of everything being an absolute dumpster fire, I had never seen 1986's Night of the Creeps. Again, I'm very familiar with it and know that it has a very dedicated cult following, but I never really had the friends in high school to talk about this kind of stuff with so I was never able to see it from beginning to end. I often give myself shit for not planning far ahead in advance, but towards the end of last year I managed to snag the Scream! Factory Blu-Ray for Night of the Creeps from an FYE that was closing down. Usually when I begin to jot down ideas for how these marathons are going to begin and end, they both have to be heavy hitters. Oddly enough though, Night of the Creeps was a box office dud when it was first released despite receiving warm reviews from critics and audiences alike. Ah fuck it, let's just go on with it now.

The story is a VERY odd one: alien slugs crash on earth, infect their victims by crawling into their mouths, and slowly turn them into murderous zombies that simultaneously serve as breeding grounds for more of their kind. Like all fun romps, it's soon up to a small group of people to determine how in the world one stops these things and to prevent them from taking over the entire town. Night of the Creeps is a very clear homage to the golden era of 1950s sci-fi and horror movies (so much so that it's opening sequence is shot in black and white) and manages to wonderfully blend those two genres together with some comedic dialogue that mostly sticks its landing. It also features beloved genre veteran Tom Atkins as a detective who may or may not have sewn the seeds for all bad things to come decades prior to everything going down, and it's yet another reason why you can argue that he had one of the most impressive resumes of any performer during the decade of its release. I mean hell, you have Creepshow, Halloween III, Escape from New York, Lethal Weapon, The Fog, and this all released over the course of seven years! It's a shame that the man isn't held in higher regard, because he is a pure unadulterated badass throughout its running time. The rest of the cast aren't slouches by any means either and all have great chemistry with one another, but they just can't compare to the man with one of the best mustaches in Hollywood. As for the quality of the film itself though? Thankfully most of it works, and it does a pretty fun job at making you think it's going to be one type of flick before it reveals itself to be another. The practical effects work is also wonderfully gross and there are some deceptively bloody (but not gory) kills. If it weren't for the occasional bare breast or really harsh curse word, I'd even make the argument you could have gotten away with making it a very risky PG-13.

I'm not saying this because it's late, but there isn't a lot I can add about Night of the Creeps that you likely don't already know. It's an underrated gem from a decade of decadence that is chocked full of WAY too many movies that still don't have proper home video releases. It's entertaining through and through and genre fans will also get a kick out of trying to pick out all of the easter eggs hidden within. Watch it alongside either writer/director Fred Dekker's other fabulous effort that is The Monster Squad or James Gunn's not-so-subtle nod to the picture known as Slither and have yourself a good ol' time.

And......it's over.

Until tomorrow(ish).

I got more stuff to talk about.

Thanks again to anyone who paid attention, read, discussed, or even gave one quarter of a shit about this little thing I do for fun. In the meantime, I'm going to rewatch Trick 'R Treat before bed.

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 16-19

Well, that was certainly a busy week. I don't think I've ever fallen this far behind before, but it won't stop me from completing this bad boy. Over the course of these past four days, I've knocked off several works based on or at least connected to celebrated horror legend Stephen King (a common occurrence during any Unseen Terror marathon). But unlike most of the author's own works, this collection of reviews won't be stretched out to an uncomfortable length.

Considering that I lived in Wilmington, North Carolina (where most of this was shot) for close to eleven years, I'm as shocked as you are that I never watched 1984's Firestarter until now. Based on King's sixth novel of the same name, it tells the story of a young girl named Charlie (Drew Barrymore) and her father Andy (David Keith of An Officer and a Gentleman fame) on the run from a shady agency that through secret experiments, has managed to manifest powers in the both of them. He has developed the ability to manipulate the minds of others, which is certainly beneficial when you are trying to avoid contact with anyone who might harm you or your family. Charlie has been granted a far more dangerous power though: pyrokinesis. The aforementioned group discovers the latter's new ability, and hopes that if they can capture the child, her skills can be harnessed as a weapon for the government.


Firestarter feels more akin to a mixture of dark science fiction and thriller than it does a "scary" movie, but when you consider the subject matter, arguing about it being horror-adjacent wouldn't be hard to do. Regardless of how you would choose to categorize this flick, it has one fundamental flaw: throughout most of its running time, it is shockingly dull. Barrymore is doing a commendable job in her role, but there's little reason to care about Charlie other than the fact that she's a kid. It doesn't help that most of the supporting cast, which includes usually-great heavyweights like Martin Sheen, George C. Scott, and Louise Fletcher among others, is also wasted playing eerily similar versions of characters that we've seen countless amounts of times over the course of several decades. Even if you're unfamiliar with the novel it's based on, most of the plot unfolds exactly the way that you would expect it to, giving you a feeling that it could pass for a pilot to a television series (ironically enough, this became a reality eighteen years later in the form of Firestarter: Rekindled). Still, it does boast one hell of a cool finale that I'm certain you couldn't just throw out in the beginning on a series. That final act is quite the spectacle to behold as it finally gives us what we want to see with Barrymore going full-on "X-Men" and letting her emotions get the best of her. I'm not sure if this helped director Mark Lester land his next feature (the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle Commando), but it wouldn't surprise me.


That cool moment aside, I found Firestarter to be just a bit too boring to recommend. I'm more interested to see what would have come about with John Carpenter and Bill Lancaster's version of the film, as they were initially approached to direct and write this adaptation. Unfortunately, after The Thing bombed at the box office, the two of them were taken off of the project. Crap. I suspect that if I had seen this when I was younger, my opinion would be different (outside of people being set ablaze, it isn't terribly violent), but if you're a Stephen King completist, you can snag a copy of it on DVD and Blu-Ray for next-to-nothing. At the very least, try to find a physical copy of the very good score by Tangerine Dream.



Alrighty, time for Day 17.

Funnily enough, Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary is the first documentary that I've covered since I began this "Unseen Terror" idea back in 2011. I considered going back to revisit Never Sleep Again, which is an excellent (though quite lengthy) retrospective look at the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, but there's not a lot of fun discussing something that I've watched a number of times already. Plus I have some positive memories attached to Stephen King's novel Pet Sematary and its enjoyable (though flawed) adaptation from 1989, so when I stumbled upon this ditty, I figured this could make for an interesting experience.


The first thing you'll notice about Unearthed & Untold is that they have set out to make as thorough of a documentary as they can. Calling this a love letter for fanatics only is the easiest way to describe it to anyone who is slightly intrigued. This serves as both its greatest strength and weakness, because unless you REALLY care about Pet Sematary, there's a very good chance you'll start to zone out or feel tempted to fast forward. There's a lot of technical talk and specifics about the tiniest of things, which while appreciated, starts to feel like the directors are doing their damnedest to stretch it out to an unnecessarily long running time. They seemingly also forget about Pet Sematary Two's existence, but in retrospect that might not be as bad of a decision as I initially thought it was. On the plus side, getting the chance to snag every living actor or crew member involved for discussions is very impressive for what is essentially a documentary made by diehard fans. I'm very sad that they were unable to include more archival footage or interviews with the late Fred Gwynne, but I am very happy that Mary Lambert gets more than a few minutes to talk. I've always had an immense amount of respect for Lambert considering that she was one of the first female directors in the horror genre to make an impact (and judging by her appearance here, she also has impeccable fashion taste these days). I wish she had had given the filmmakers some tips of how to properly edit a documentary though (her final interview has her being drowned out by music that slowly creeps in).


It bears repeating, but even if it does feel a bit amateurish, Unearthed & Untold is a perfectly fine documentary, though solely for fans with a lot of time on their hands. I feel like it could have been featured as an extra on a Blu-Ray rather than as a standalone release, but I'm just some schmuck talking about movies on a blog that most people don't read. If you want to check it out, it is currently streaming on both Shudder and Amazon Prime, and the Blu-Ray from Synapse isn't too pricey either.



*whew* Time for Day 18.

So this isn't the first time during this year's Unseen Terror marathon that I'm tackling a television series for an entry (go back about a week or so for my usual foray into the Goosebumps show from the 1990s). The difference between that bit of corny nostalgia and the following choice is primarily due to anticipation and genuine excitement.


As a teenager, I never imagined that we would live in a time where horror seeped its way into the world of television this frequently, and that most of these programs would be lovingly embraced. Some of the most noteworthy shows, be they on cable or exclusively available through streaming services include American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, Stranger Things, The Haunting of Hill House, Hemlock Grove, and more that I have yet to sit down and watch myself. Perhaps the success of those spearheaded the opportunity for Creepshow: The Series to become a reality. Announced back in July of 2018, this anthology series is the first in a number of years to feature the name shared with the 1982 and 1987 films that are beloved by so many horror fans. Though o.g. creators George Romero and Stephen King are sadly absent this time around (Romero passed away two years ago), series veterans Greg Nicotero and Tom Savini, who both previously worked in the effects department for the original two features, have returned to help out (with Nicotero serving as producer). As of the time of this writing, I discovered that Savini himself also directs a segment in one of the episodes, but it has yet to air. No, you didn't read that wrong. Creepshow is a weekly episodic show, meaning that you can't just immediately marathon the entire shebang during one pizza-filled afternoon. Deal with it.


Anyway, as for the quality of the content found within, Creepshow is off to a fairly good start. The first episode features an adaptation of the Stephen King story "Gray Matter" from his collection "Night Shift." Directed by Greg Nicotero himself, the story of a boy whose father develops a "drinking problem" features performers such as Tobin Bell (Saw) and Adrienne Barbeau (also of original Creepshow fame) and a slew of in-jokes and nods to other King works. I always thought that the original story was fairly creepy, and they managed to do a faithful job with this one. The second story of the first episode is "House of the Head," which could prove to very divisive with some fans solely due to how incredibly odd it is. Written by Josh Malerman (whose printed works include Bird Box and Unbury Carol) and directed by John Harrison (known for composing the scores to Day of the Dead and the original Creepshow, along with directing Tales from the Darkside: The Movie), it's a peculiar tale of a little girl's dollhouse being visited by a severed head that I'm still not quite sure how to rate. I give it points for originality, but feel like it drags in parts. There is a very good chance that I'll be re-watching this one sooner than I expected to, just so I can finally have a real opinion on it.


From beginning to end, episode two has been my favorite of this series so far. "Bad Wolf Down" feels the most like an original Creepshow idea (it even has some of the same lighting effects from the o.g. flick) and sports a wonderfully silly performance from Jeffrey Combs as a Nazi colonel seeking revenge against some American soldiers, who themselves receive some unusual assistance in dealing with these racist shitbags. It's also one of the few stories featured in this anthology not to be based on previously existing material. But it pales in comparison to what is likely to be the standout of this entire month-long run: "The Finger." Written by David J. Schow of The Crow fame and directed by Nicotero yet again, it is a darkly comedic story about a lonely loser (DJ Qualls of Road Trip and The Man in the High Castle fame) who acquires a gangly-looking finger that begins to slowly grow over time. It is strange, charming, funny, and kind of adorable. There's also some pleasant practical effects work which us older horror fans don't see nearly enough of these days. I don't want to give too much away, but I think I smell the money of merchandising.


Unfortunately, episode 3 delivers the first real stinker of the series with "All Hallows Eve," which is also directed by John Harrison. It's an annoying story about kids terrorizing a neighborhood on Halloween and it honestly isn't very exciting to watch, even if it does try to pay homage to some of the old EC Comics twists with its own. Thankfully, the second story (the oddly-named and very blunt "The Man in the Suitcase") is a real home run with how sinister and amusing it can be. It has enough of a good mixture of old and new horror elements to keep your interest throughout its short running time. Good stuff.


I'll likely finish the rest of Creepshow: The Series by the time that this year's marathon wraps up. So far, I'm enjoying it for the most part and would suggest getting Shudder (even if its only for a month) to check this bad boy out.



And despite some of the problems found in this series, it's still better than Creepshow 3.



Wait, I've never watched Creepshow 3.



Let's change that for the 19th day, shall we?

…………..I......just......man. Everyone warned me about Creepshow 3 and its lack of quality in every department, but I never listened. Overexaggerating tends to be a problem in the horror community, but this amount of negativity was warranted. By the time of this film's production, the rights to Creepshow belonged to Taurus Entertainment rather than Warner Bros, and they decided after staying silent for twenty years, the time was right to resurrect the Creeper and make a new horror anthology that could please old and new fans alike. They did not succeed. Perhaps the lack of involvement from anyone noteworthy from the previous flicks is to blame.


Lead story "Alice" is based around a bratty teenager whose entire life gets twisted around when her father comes into possession of a universal remote that does things like turn her family into a different race every time he tries to adjust the color setting on their television. She also begins melting every time something freaky happens (because of course she does). What could end up as a clever discussion on race relationships and how to treat one another ends up lacking anything interesting and just feels like a waste of time. It also has one of the most befuddling and nonsensical endings that I've seen in a number of years. "The Radio" stars A.J. Bowen of You're Next and The House of the Devil fame. He deserves far better than this tale of a guy who buys a new radio off of a street vendor that begins to have conversations with him and drives him to madness and murder. This had potential, but it just never quite hits the mark and feels like cinematic Nyquil at times. In the hands of better writers and directors, I feel like it could have worked as a segment in another horror anthology, but it doesn't feel like a Creepshow segment. "Call Girl" has Eileen Dietz of The Exorcist fame (she was the face of Pazuzu) in a brief cameo as a homeless woman. It certainly is nice to see her, but this story of a killer prostitute who has a bit of a problem with one of her clients is predictable, features effects that even the Asylum would shake their heads at (this is Spirit of Halloween-levels of cheapness), and again, feels like it doesn't belong in an anthology that bears the infamous name of Creepshow. Lame. The fourth segment, a.k.a. "The Professor's Wife," takes some influence from The Stepford Wives but tonally is an absolute mess and features some truly awful writing. Lousy. "Haunted Dog" is if you took "The Hitch-Hiker" from Creepshow 2 and removed anything memorable. It also goes on for what feels like a lifetime and by the time it's over, you may want to question your movie-watching choices like I did. Whack as fuck. I should mention that there's also a wraparound story (of sorts) with characters from each individual segment popping up in other people's own segments (ala Pulp Fiction or Sin City), but given how boring all of them are, you won't be able to muster anything other than deep, pained sighs.


On review aggregator Rottentomatoes.com, this film is sitting at a whopping ZERO PERCENT. Even by bad horror movie standards, that is extremely rare. And you know what? It absolutely deserves it. This was the first movie on this year's marathon to legitimately make me angry, and I'll be as nice as I can be here by saying that is will likely end up in the bottom ten of worst movies I've watched since beginning this journey back in 2011. It isn't enjoyable in any sense of the word, it's an insult to the two previous Creepshow movies, and lacks anything remotely charming, meaningful, or even fun. Even without the moniker, this would still stink. Don't waste your time on this one. Instead, seek out Tales from the Darkside: The Movie. Tom Savini has reportedly gone on record stating that the latter is the "real" Creepshow 3, and based on the quality of stories in the two pictures, I'm inclined to agree. Or better yet, go watch Mike Dougherty's awesome Trick 'r Treat for the first or tenth time.




Tomorrow, I need a cleanser. ANYTHING has to be an improvement over that last film.

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 7-9

Apologies for the delay. Work gets in the way sometimes.



I'm several days removed from this year's wonderful Monster Mania Convention in Hunt Valley, MD. As expected, it was a blast and I managed to meet quite a few famous people who were all rather wonderful, and also managed to snag a few gems on Blu-Ray that may or may not make their way onto the marathon. While I was in attendance, I noticed that actress Danielle Harris was one of the featured guests throughout the entire weekend, and was even doing photo-ops dressed in her costume from Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. While I was initially intrigued, I came to the realization that I've never watched that particular motion picture. It turns out that luck was on my side afterwards though, because both of the Harris-centric Halloween flicks are available for streaming on Shudder. I figured it was better late than never to have them both take up a couple of days for this marathon, and besides, I'm overdue for an old school slasher to make an appearance on here.


The original idea that John Carpenter (who had long since abandoned this series after scoring the unfairly-maligned Halloween III: Season of the Witch) had was for every new feature film titled Halloween to sport a brand new, original story with no continuity between them. Unfortunately, poor box office intake for the aforementioned Halloween III meant that it was time for the studio to bring Michael Myers back, but this time around they would still manage to keep a picture afloat even with the absence of many of the original's cast and crew. Halloween 4 is centered around the young Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris), who we learn early on is the daughter of the franchise's original "final girl" Laurie Strode. While her mom reportedly passed away in a car accident, her uncle Michael is very much alive (albeit in a coma after some events that occurred several years ago). On Hallows Eve, ten years after he terrorized Laurie for a second time, he is being transferred between hospitals. The comatose Michael overhears discussions of these relatively recent family events and springs back to his normal, murderous state. Setting off to his old hometown of Haddonfield, it's up to his old psychiatrist Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence) to put a stop to him once and for all.


Though I approached Halloween 4 with caution (especially since it's been rendered as a non-canon sequel TWICE now), I was very surprised by how legitimately enjoyable this entry turned out to be. For the most part the acting is quite solid, with Pleasence turning in a performance that while certainly serious and reminding us that he is still very much the protagonist, does show signs that his character may be going down a dangerous path as well. The aforementioned Harris is also fantastic as young Jamie Lloyd, and brings a real sympathetic innocence to her character that you usually don't find in kid actors stuck in horror films. It's easy to see why she has endured as a fan favorite in the genre. Perhaps the one performer who I feel doesn't get the love that she deserves is Ellie Cornell, who manages to take a character like Rachel Carruthers (who could have been looked at as a weak imitation of Laurie) and make her a lot more likeable and easy to root for than most other dime-a-dozen slasher heroines. The rest of the supporting cast is pretty forgettable, but their presences do make for some decent kills.


Nowhere near as skillful as its forefathers but certainly ambitious in parts (and packing a wallop of an ending), Halloween 4 is still a pretty solid and overlooked entry that is worth checking out even if you've dismissed every other movie in this franchise save for the granddaddy of 'em all. There are multiple ways to obtain physical copies of this bad boy, including a Blu-Ray from Anchor Bay and a DVD two-pack that includes its follow-up.

Speaking of, let's move on to Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, shall we? Because oh boy do I have some things to say about this one. Be forewarned: there are going to be a handful of spoilers in this review.



At the end of Halloween 4, young Jamie Lloyd, presumably under the influence of her murderous uncle, stabbed her foster mother with a pair of scissors. A year later, she has been admitted to a children's hospital and hasn't spoken a word since those horrific events occurred (though she does frequently suffer from nightmares). Elsewhere, her foster sister Rachel has moved out to live a life of her own, and Michael is presumed dead after being shot by the police and falling down a mine shaft. Dr. Loomis theorizes that Jamie's nightmares and odd behavior could be due to a psychic link between her and Michael, who he is convinced is still alive and out there waiting to finish the job he couldn't complete before. As expected, Michael has survived and returns yet again to terrorize the citizens of Haddonfield.


In layman's terms, Halloween 5 is so lousy that it effectively killed any interest I had in reviewing every subsequent film that features "the shape" as the villain. I know that word of mouth says that 2002's Halloween: Resurrection is supposed to be the absolute worst entry in this franchise, but I don't think I have the patience to make it that far (I did it with Hellraiser years ago, and there's still a small part of my sanity that has never returned). Most of what hurts Halloween 5 is that all of the chances that they take are either the absolute worst ones (killing Rachel in the first act of the movie is incredibly disrespectful, as is them seemingly dumbing down her character) or ones that don't quite work out. There also seems to be a lack of care put into the actual filmmaking aspects, because the acting is pretty lousy, the sense of dread is nonexistent, and the newer characters just flat out stink. It says a lot when even the late, great Donald Pleasence doesn't seem fully on board with this one, and his performance borders on comical at times. Perhaps the only highlight is Danielle Harris, but she's surrounded by a cast of clichéd, unlikeable assholes so even she doesn't shine quite as bright as she did before. I must also mention the lack of care put into the Myers costume itself, which appears ill-fitting and more amusing than frightening throughout its running time.


I'm definitely not done with slasher movies for this year's Unseen Terror, but I don't expect to see Michael Myers and/or his associates make a return so soon. As mentioned above, you can buy this piece of junk of a number of formats for more money than I'm sure it deserves, but if I'm being honest, I'd rather see you throw your money towards Halloween III: Season of the Witch or 2018's Halloween instead. Just pretend that this doesn't exist.



…...which the makers of the latter seemed to do.





Well, that was an absolute bummer. I feel like I require a pick-me-up, which could require some rearranging of what order I was going to view everything.

Over the course of eight years, I've made the discovery that if there's one name that I can always rely on, it's Brian freakin' Yuzna. The man's body of work is mostly comprised of hits, and they're usually filled to the brim with wonderfully shocking special effects and gore, absurd comedic moments, and just all-around weirdness. 1985's Re-Animator remains one of my absolute favorite horror-comedies and probably the best adaptation of any H.P. Lovecraft story to date (if Guillermo del Toro ever gets his way and makes "At the Mountains of Madness" though, we may be in for a new top dog). I always meant to dive back into the world of Dr. Herbert West and his delusions of grandeur and strong belief that life after death is not only possible, but doable. For reasons that I can only ascribe to lack of funding, I never got a chance until this month to do so. Luckily, 1990's Bride of Re-Animator, which marks Yuzna's second time sitting in the director's chair himself, was the perfect way to help me forget about the awful disappointment of Halloween 5.


The plot for Bride of Re-Animator centers around the previous film's "protagonists" (and I do use that term loosely) of Dan Cain and Herbert West. Eight months have passed since the rather crazy incident at the Miskatonic University Hospital in Arkham, Massachusetts. The pair have been hiding in Peru, with West in particular relishing in the rather violent and casualty-heavy war that ravages the country. After all, he needs bodies to continue his research and discover just how to master his already astonishing formula that reanimates dead tissue. Eventually, the duo return back to the states and resume their previous jobs as doctors. In the midst of his experiments, West discovers several rather startling things; the decapitated head of his old colleague (and nemesis) Dr. Carl Hill, the preserved heart of Dan's old fiancé Megan, and most importantly that not only can he bring the dead back to life, but he can now create new life using pieces of the deceased. With Dan's permission, Herbert sets out to bring the former's deceased girlfriend back from the dead and reassemble her into a complete person yet again.


One thing that startled me a bit about Bride of Re-Animator was a somewhat eerie similarity to Frank Henenlotter's horror-comedy Frankenhooker, which was also released during the same year as this follow-up. Many plot elements are virtually identical, though I would certainly argue that Yuzna's film is a far more colorful take (perhaps literally) on the "love never dies" formula that we've seen done since the days of Bride of Frankenstein. The man has a knack for assisting in creating some truly bizarre visuals, especially in the final acts of his pictures. I mean hell, have you SEEN Society? He, along with his usual longtime collaborator Stuart Gordon (who is mysteriously absent this time around) also have an uncanny ability to make you feel nervous about the inevitable fate that is septophobia, a.k.a. the fear of decaying matter. As goofy as most of these movies can be, there will forever remain a small part in the back of my mind that is pretty queasy about the idea that I could never be fully in control of my own body.


Cast-wise Bride stands out about as well as its predecessor did, though not without some flaws. Jeffrey Combs is a delight as always, and watching the character of Herbert West slowly descend from "he's got some pretty strange ideas, but he seems alright otherwise" to "oh lord, he's off his rocker" makes for a lot of fun. His speech in the final act when presenting the titular "Bride" to Bruce Abbott's character is purely maniacal, but so magical. On the subject of Abbott: why is this guy not the recipient of more love from fans of the genre? He's fantastic here, and I'd argue that he seems far more comfortable this time around than he did in the original movie. The late David Gale also returns as the severed head of Carl Hill, who was last seen doing....something I don't want to spoil. His role is ultimately kind of insignificant, but does make for some very funny visual gags. Kathleen Kinmont of Halloween 4 fame does a far better job here as a corpse than she did as a rather forgettable slasher victim in that feature, but aside from her none of the new cast additions seem to leave a lasting impact. Heck, some of them don't even serve a purpose other than to go around and scream once in a blue moon.


Those minor gripes aside, I think it's pretty obvious that I'm giving Bride of Re-Animator a recommendation. It'd be pretty hard to dislike this blood-splattered, darkly comedic romp, especially if you were a fan of the 1985 film. Currently, it's streaming on Amazon Prime, and you can easily snag a fancy Blu-Ray from reputable giants Arrow Video.




Tomorrow, I get closer and closer to turning 34. That is frightening. But not as frightening as an early-2000s slasher that may have been lost to time.

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 19

October 31, 1978: after escaping from Smith's Grove Sanitarium, serial killer Michael Myers murders several people before being stopped by a combination of young Laurie Strode and his psychiatrist Dr. Samuel Loomis. Forty years later, Michael remains in a mental ward and Laurie has turned into a PTSD-stricken recluse, which has caused a rift between her and her family. Two podcasters arrive at Laurie's abode to interview her about the experience, and after informing her of the news that Michael is due to be transferred to a maximum security prison, try to convince her to see the masked madman one more time as an attempt to get him to speak. Even though they feel it would act as "closure" of sorts, she declines, as she wants nothing more than to finally kill him when he inevitably escapes and returns to their small town to kill again. As fate would have it, it isn't long until the news reports that the bus which was to take Michael to his new penitentiary has crashed...



"Hello Michael..."


Those two words, as simple as they are, have more power in them than the average moviegoer thinks. There has been a rather lengthy break between the release of 2018's Halloween and the last entry in this franchise to receive a theatrical release: Rob Zombie's maligned Halloween II, which I admittedly have yet to finish due to my disdain for its predecessor. Still, when news broke of a new motion picture being developed for release, I know that some fans like myself were intrigued, if not extremely cautious. Then, a plethora of additional information was released over the course of several months, including the presence of Mr. John Carpenter as both executive producer AND composer, and in what must have been the biggest shock of all, the return of Jamie Lee Curtis as iconic heroine Laurie Strode. The recipe was there for a return to form for a franchise that had been bogged down by a string of misfires and divisive sequels. Thankfully, much like Michael Myers himself does throughout most of these flicks, we can all breathe easy.

As I'm sure that most people who are reading this review (all ten of you) have heard, 2018's Halloween is a direct sequel to the original John Carpenter classic, which effectively erases every other entry in this franchise from continuity. A ballsy move to make for sure, but not an entirely foreign concept (look to Superman Returns as an example, and keep your eye out for William Gibson's Alien 3-related comic book that's set for release very soon). Personally, I don't have a problem with this whatsoever, especially if it means that we are lucky enough to see Jamie Lee Curtis return in a starring role. I'll stand by my opinion that Laurie Strode is the quintessential "final girl," though when we first meet this iteration of the character, she has done more than grow up. Gone is the innocent, relatively pure young lady who was barely able to fight off the attacks of a lunatic, and in her place is an alert, fully prepared woman. Curtis is just on fire here, turning in a performance that feels slightly similar to what Linda Hamilton did with Sarah Connor in Terminator 2. This is a human being who while possibly crazed in her own sort of way, has been through an ordeal that could traumatize at least 95% of people and change them for the worse. She's backed up this time around by an equally strong cast, including Judy Greer (Arrested Development) as her daughter and Andi Matichak (Orange is the New Black) as her granddaughter. Greer is usually on point, though I feel like it took me quite a bit of time to warm up to her considering that she seems relatively unenthused for the first few scenes that we see her in. Matichak's body of work is noticeably smaller than that of her costars, but her mannerisms and ability to elicit genuine fear (one sequence involving her in the back of a cop car will cause your chest to tighten) makes me hope that we see more from her in the future. We're also introduced to Dr. Ranbir Sartain, who serves as this film's new Dr. Loomis (so much so that Strode blatantly calls him that), and even though I felt like all he was doing was emulating a protagonist from the past, there are some fascinating aspects to his character that will take you by surprise.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Halloween doesn't skip out on the blood either. One thing to admire about Michael's (portrayed again by original actors Nick Castle and Tony Moran, as well as series newcomer James Jude Courtney) entire existence is just how "human" he appears to be in comparison to his slasher brethren. Well, at least if we discount some of the weirder shit that happens in the later entries, but I digress. He's often been compared to a force of nature, and this time around his ruthlessness is akin to that of a hurricane. On more than a couple of occasions, I managed to belt out the occasional "Jesus!" when he was disposing of any poor soul in his path, and the average theater attendee could be quite shocked seeing that the man who sat in the director's chair for Pineapple Express had this kind of brutal imagination inside of his head. There are throwbacks and nods to slayings from the o.g. movie, and some of the newer, gorier methods will probably find their way onto the next YouTube video that you scour for during those late evenings. It does beg the question as to just how bloody strong someone like this could be considering his age and how lengthy his internment was, but I'll just go with the obvious answer: it's a god damn horror movie. Besides, if the filmmakers had tried to tell the audience that he was constantly working out when not contemplating revenge, you would have either accused them of ripping off Cape Fear or just being silly. All of this morbidity comes to a head in an absolutely tense third act which could rival anything found in this year's horror standouts. All of these aforementioned moments are accompanied by an outstanding soundtrack provided by the wonderfully talented John Carpenter himself, and I'd be rather shocked if those who end up disliking this picture came out saying that they hated the music too. It's electrifying, creepy, and perfect for your next horror-themed get-together.


Is this newest entry in the Halloween franchise perfect? Absolutely not. In addition to those quips that I alluded to, there is some typical "stupid people in slashers" logic that pops up, though that's the norm with even the best of the bunch in this subgenre, and some folks might get a little irritated with just how much referencing there is to the films of yesteryear. However, 2018's Halloween still feels like the direct sequel that longtime, patient fans have deserved for so, so long. We've had a spectacular year for horror so far (and there's still a lot more to come), and David Gordon Green's first real foray into the horror genre comes out swinging......er, better make that "slashing." It's a damn fine reason to go to your local cineplex and be reminded of the power of scarier cinema, and also a firm reason for why I can never stray away from this morbid genre. Because if older properties can be rescued from the bottom of the barrel and given better treatment, then why stop?



Speaking of that, if there's any justice in the world, Dimension will finally let the rights for Hellraiser lapse as they did this, and we can see the world of the Cenobites restored to its former glory. I'll be waiting...



Tomorrow, I feel as though we need something a bit more lighthearted, so let's take a trip back to the first half of the 90s, shall we?

Unseen Terror 2018: Days 17 and 18

Alright, you know the deal. Strange hours at work, needing sleep, etc. Let's get on with it.

Oddly enough, the seventeenth day of this year's Unseen Terror did not kick off with my original choice for the marathon, and that was solely due to a last minute discovery. After a lengthy shift at my job, I had time to visit one of my local theaters and got a chance to rewatch a film that I had surprisingly not seen in quite a long time: the original Halloween from 1978. As I've stated before in the past, I'm not sure what else can be said about movies that are universally beloved by fans of this genre, and director John Carpenter's breakthrough hit is no exception. It's the closest thing to "perfect" that the slasher genre can ever hope to be, and even then it's far more tactical and well made than nearly every other picture it has inspired. Not much else to add to this one, so let's move on to something peculiar from Japan, shall we?

My familiarity with writer/director Sion Sono is not too great. I'm more than aware of his infamous film Suicide Club, but have yet to sit through the flick in its entirety. His only piece of work that I've managed to complete was 2015's extraordinarily hyper-violent and confusing Tag, which features arguably the best opening ten minutes that I've seen in any Japanese film, and also the most befuddling final act that I've seen in a very long time. Thankfully, Exte is a lot more normal compared to that flick, though considering that it precedes Tag by a good eight years, that's not entirely surprising. The plot revolves around an aspiring hairdresser named Yuko (portrayed by Chiaki Kuriyama of Battle Royale and Kill Bill fame) who begins to buy hair extensions off of a strange man who visits salons. Unbeknownst to her, these come from the body of a dead girl that he has stolen, who despite having passed away, continues to grow beautiful hair. In addition to this, everyone in possession of these locks can be driven to madness, or even murdered when acquiring them.


I went in to Exte (released over here as Exte: Hair Extensions) fully expecting some sort of odd body horror-inspired tale that would sport some rather frightening visuals. Indeed, I did get those in spades, but the most strongest aspects of Sono's script and style comes from the drama between Kuriyama's character and her older, capricious sister Kiyomi, who treats her eight-year-old daughter Mami like absolute dirt. It gets to a point where the child is essentially dumped at the flat of Yuko and her roommate, who can notice signs of emotional and physical abuse in Mami. You genuinely care for these protagonists and heroines, and fear for their own safety, be it from the world of the living or the dead when things begin to get bleak. That isn't to say that Exte is completely devoid of personality though, because it also gets to be weirdly comedic (bordering on parodic) at times. I do recall there being a select amount of moments throughout Tag that seemed to come out of nowhere and didn't fit the tone of that flick at all. Here, it's scenes involving the villain (note: I can now regrettably add "trichophiliac" to my list of words that I never wanted to know) breaking out into song while in his morgue and singing to a woman's corpse.


Though he doesn't exclusively provide content for this subgenre, Sono, for better or for worse, is trying his damnedest to do something different in the realm of J-Horror, which as far as I could tell hasn't been setting the world on fire as much as it did over a decade ago. Infusing absurd humor and a good family-driven storyline keeps movies like Exte fresh, and I'm recommending that those of you searching for something out of the ordinary go track this one down. However, if you're going to watch it, I highly encourage that you seek out the legitimate DVD released by Tokyo Shock, as the copy that I watched on a streaming service didn't exactly look like the most pristine of transfers.




Well, seeing as how I've now checked off yet another staple from my list qualifications, what do you say? Should we get yet another one done?

No, this isn't some made-for-TV reboot of Teen Wolf......wait, that actually happened? And it was on for HOW long?! Well shit.

Anyway, I've become accustomed to binging a few episodes here and there every year from the 1995 television series Goosebumps, and though the results have been rather mixed, they still make for a quick watch and are a bit of a breather for me in terms of not having to think too hard when crafting reviews. Before I ruined my own joke, I was going to point out that the screencap seen above is from "My Hairiest Adventure," which is the eleventh episode of the show's first season. I have zero memory of the book that this was based on, and truth be told, I'm not even sure that I got around to reading it. It took me approximately two minutes to realize that this was probably not a bad thing though, and it was also immediately noticeable that this was going to be the most "90s" of the batch that I would watch for day eighteen, as the only thing it's missing are a few "whoas" and a skater kid. The plot concerns a boy named Larry and his group of friends who discover an old bottle of tanning cream that seems to have rather strange side effects (i.e. hair growing in odd places) after they apply some to their bodies.


*sigh* Okay, before you ask: no, they do NOT make any puberty jokes in this entire episode. This was a show aimed primarily at preteens after all. Speaking of the kids though, I'm not terribly surprised that none of them went on to do much of anything after this. The character of Larry is just plain irritating, and the decision to have him narrate most of the story himself like a juvenile Ferris Bueller makes us wish for the end credits to appear as fast as humanly possible. This, combined with a painfully slow buildup and slightly predictable twist, makes what could've been a fun take on growing up into a fairly bland tale that was one laugh track short of being a cancelled Disney channel show. Meh.

Season two's "Attack of the Jack-O'-Lanterns" was up next, and unlike the previously mentioned ditty discussed above, I do vaguely recall this book, and recognized that this was referenced in the newest motion picture that's still out in theaters as of this writing. This time, the story is focused on Drew and Walker, who are sick of local rivals trying to constantly scare them. When Drew's friends from out of town visit, they offer to help them get a bit of revenge on Halloween night. Everything goes awry when two large beings with Jack-O'-Lanterns for heads come into the picture though.


The most interesting aspect of this episode is the presence of future voiceover favorite Erica Luttrell, who would go on to garner much attention for her performances in cartoons like Steven Universe and assorted DC Comics-related media. It also sports a fairly creepy (at least if you're a kid and utterly paranoid) nightmare sequence where an old couple locks trick-or-treaters in one of their rooms, and the design of the "Pumpkinheads" themselves look fairly cool, even if they have some Rita Repulsa-levels of cheese in their mannerisms. Couple that with the most ridiculous ending possible, and you have a kooky, silly little installment that could take a few of the younger viewers by surprise. Slightly dated, but not bad at all.

If I was going to wrap up this mini-marathon, I figured that it had to be done in style. And if I was unable to find such a thing in an old show like this, I could at least dig around to find an adaptation of one of my favorite stories from the books. Lo and behold, I came across "The Girl Who Cried Monster," which is the fourth episode of the series overall and considering how much I enjoyed the printed material that this was based on, surprised that I hadn't watched before. It's a fairly basic concept: Lucy Dark is obsessed with all things spooky and strange, and when she decides to stay after closing hours at her small town's library, she witnesses the librarian transform into a hideous creature. Rushing home, she tells her family, who don't believe a word of hers. Hell, she's tried to pull pranks like this on her younger brother, so why would they fall for it?


First thing's first: it's a damn shame that the actress who plays Lucy (Deborah Scorsone) appears to have not done anything else after this episode aired. She packs quite a bit of charm, and I think she could've at least been the next Katharine Isabelle if she continued working. On the opposite end of that spectrum, "monster" actor Eugene Lipinski, who would later appear in the television adaptation of forgotten (for a reason) 90s relic Animorphs, has quite an extensive body of work. He's also a hoot to watch, even if he seems to be going for a poor man's mixture of Donald Plesence (Halloween) and Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator). The makeup effects on his transformed state look like something that you'd see as the first presentation on Face Off, but I'm willing to cut them some slack since it is an older children's show after all. What makes this story stand out is the surprisingly morbid ending, which is equal parts cheeky and dark. It's the most well-balanced of these three tales, and honestly one of the better episodes that I've watched from the series over the course of several years.





Tomorrow....well, look at this weekend's new releases. You can imagine what the review will be for.