Unseen Terror 2020: Day 7

Why yes, I did indeed choose to watch a motion picture from the late 1970s about a killer, sentient (possibly possessed) vehicle rather than watch the Vice Presidential debate. Are you that surprised?

Due to some unfortunate technical issues, there had to be some random, last minute shuffling of entries for this year's marathon. This isn't something that's uncommon, but seeing as how this decision was made within say, the last four hours, it's still a tad bit irritating to have to do something like this (especially since I do NOT want to spread the entire Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise throughout the whole month. I'd rather get it done within the first half). Complaints aside, my familiarity with 1977's The Car was only having heard of it via a few random podcasts or YouTube channels. I had never seen anything more than a still image or two, and even then it didn't give me any idea of what to expect other than zaniness or maybe a more subdued version of Maximum Overdrive.

To the surprise of nobody with a working brain, The Car is absolutely, ludicrously dumb. But my goodness is it the right kind of dumb. For as much joy as a couple of the prior entries on this list have brought me, this gave me genuine laughs and had me howling during moments which were no doubt meant to elicit fear rather than chuckles. I haven't made much of an attempt to track down interviews with director Elliot Silverstein (also of Western-comedy Cat Ballou fame) but it wouldn't shock me if he was setting out to make a tongue-in-cheek parody of the wave of "blockbuster" flicks that were becoming the rage during that time period. The Car does have some of the same beats as Jaws and another Spielberg flick Duel, though it lacks some of the finesse of the latter and definitely lacks the budget of the former. This doesn't hamper the enjoyment though!

The acting is pretty hit-or-miss (I would love to know how they roped poor James Brolin into this flick), but the characters are all fairly likable and easy to root for (save for R.G. Armstrong, who they seem intent on brushing aside the fact that his character regularly hits his wife). The star of the picture though is, of course, the titular car. Bearing an unusual likeness to something lifted right out of the "Twisted Metal" games (and humorously "The Honking" from Futurama), it has an undeniably threatening aura to it. As cheesy as this movie may be, all I ask is that you utilize Google image search and visualize something like that chasing you down an open highway. Or see it "staring" at you through your kitchen window. It's no Christine, but it's still pretty darn cool-looking. The moments of vehicular manslaughter aren't nearly as violent as viewers will likely want them to be, but I'd guess that the lower budget and time when it was released are to blame for that. We DO get to see it burst through a house like a god damn slasher villain however, and that is just *chef's kiss*.

I think it's a real bummer that something as enjoyable as The Car was released to a streaming service like Netflix during a global pandemic, as this is a PERFECT in-house party movie. Gathering up a round of beers, pizza, chips, salsa, crystal meth, whatever it is you kids do these days and firing up this bad boy would make for a wonderful experience with your friends. Even still, if you just sit back, relax, turn your brain off for about ninety minutes, and let the dumb fun of The Car take you into its world, you're likely to have a lot of fun with this one.

And if you doubt how "evil" it truly is, you should know that Anton Lavey himself has a credit on this as a "technical advisor." Seriously.

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 1

I won't lie to the few of you who do read this. I had lost a lot of energy and interest for maintaining this blog, as I felt it was (and still is) easier to post and keep track of my reviews through other social media outlets such as Letterboxd (find me on there as Woodshatter1985) and even Instagram. The process of writing full-length thoughts that occasionally devolved into ramblings and excuses to pad out the breakdown of movies seemed less problematic through those sites. My love for cinema will likely never die, but this blog very well could.


And yet....

....you can bet your ass that while a majority of my "big" movie reviews will still end up on Letterboxd, this yearly marathon, wherein I watch at least thirty-one different horror-related motion pictures for the first time, ain't going anywhere. This began in 2011 as a passion project, and it will continue to exist so long as I don't lose the ability to hear or see. Besides, what else am I going to do with all of these recent purchases? Let them collect dust? Sell them to sketchy individuals on sites like Craigslist? Let's jump right in, shall we?

The Carters are your average American family partaking in your average American vacation. While on the road to Los Angeles, they stop near the Nevada desert for gas. The owner of the store, an elderly gentleman named Fred, urges them to not stray from their path and stick to the main road. Not fully heeding his advice, they swerve and crash after nearly running over a rabbit. Bob, the father of the Carters, decides to walk on foot back to Fred's for assistance while the other members are left to care for the damaged vehicle. It doesn't take long for this group to realize that something is very amiss, as strange and mortifying incidents begin to occur, including the disappearance and mutilation of one of the family pets. It's a distinct possibility that out in the wide, blazing desert, they aren't as alone as they may think they are.



It has been uttered many times since the untimely and tragic demise of Wes Craven that the man helped to reinvent the horror genre on at least three separate occasions. The most notable features in his catalog are The Last House on the Left, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Scream. Lost among those juggernauts, however, are some real underrated and equally noteworthy gems. I've previously reviewed flicks like The Serpent and the Rainbow for Unseen Terror, and I'll even champion some of his later works like Red Eye. While compiling this year's list, it suddenly occurred to me that I had somehow never seen his 1977 effort The Hills Have Eyes, which is held in very high regard by the horror community. So, with Arrow Video having recently re-released it on Blu-ray (more on that below), let's dive right into this story about cannibals out in the middle of the desert.


The first thing you notice about this late 70s flick is that it looks very, very dirty. Throughout its brisk running time, The Hills Have Eyes just looks scuzzy, which gives it a very uncomfortable vibe. It feels as though the people behind the camera and in the director's chair were intent on making you feel like you could potentially be watching an underground tape of innocents preparing to be attacked and eaten in the future. In a way that I'm certain wasn't coincidental, it resembles some other pictures from around the same time period such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the like. It's an ugly view of what some still perceive to be a beautiful world in the eyes of mom and pop. This is pure grindhouse and midnight movie madness, and I can imagine that this would have made for an excellent late night feature at your local cineplex back in the day.


Outside of the strange aura, Craven's effort sports a very fine cast of performers in front of the camera. Fan favorite Dee Wallace (Cujo, E.T., Critters) is instantly recognizable and even newcomers like myself shouldn't have much difficulty identifying the rather creepy Michael Berryman, whose career was kickstarted thanks to an appearance in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and his portrayal here of a lunatic cannibal who is intent on just trying to help his other family members survive, no matter what kind of despicable acts he may have to commit alongside of them. As good as he is, his brethren are equally as sinister. Cannibal dad Jupiter (James Whitworth) and Berryman's brother Mars (Lance Gordon) lead many of these horrible acts, including a crucifixion and a late night assault on a trailer, in what had to be one of the most intense sequences I've seen in any Craven-directed movie. Accompanying most of the terrifying moments is a rather good score from Don Peake, whose pieces could be isolated and played outside of your complex to scare away nearly anyone. Hills is forty years old, and yet something like this could easily rival anything put out in theaters these days. There is one ray of light in the hills folks though, as youngest sibling Ruby (Janus Blythe) is constantly abused because even she can see that what constantly happens around her is wrong. The cruelty and just flat-out "meanness" of these crimes and acts can be a major turnoff for those who are just looking for their horror movies to be dumb and fun, but all one has to do is look at the plot synopsis to realize that this isn't going to be a walk in the park.


All of my praising aside, there are some very minor things to nitpick about The Hills Have Eyes. Outside of the villains, who are very charismatic and immediately memorable, I didn't find any of the main cast to be anything special. Dee Wallace is good as always, but there were often times where I felt as though some of their acting was a bit stifled. Mercifully, their numbers are thinned out after the second act, so that complaint became nearly null and void. It also does take quite a bit for things to start getting really interesting, so some of the more impatient horror fans could end up staring at their phones more than they should (*cue angrily shaking fist at damn kids these days*). And despite the fact that the final twenty minutes do emphasize that this is ultimately a battle of family v. family and that perhaps we ourselves are more monstrous than we initially thought (there is undoubtedly some hidden messages in here about the treatment of those "different" from us), the ending is kind of a wet fart. Yet after viewing the alternate one on the Blu-ray, I suppose that it is slightly more fitting.


I'm rather glad that I started off this year's marathon with The Hills Have Eyes. It's a demented little experience that's chocked full of creepy moments, memorable antagonists, and it sports one of the best middle segments that I've seen in a Craven movie to date. If you have the cash to spare, make sure to nab the previously-mentioned Blu-Ray from Arrow Video. This thing is CRAMMED with special features, including retrospective pieces, three commentary tracks, outtakes, and a great 4K restoration which gives the viewer what must have felt like the most authentic theatrical experience possible. There's also a wonderful foldout, double-sided poster and a thirty-four page booklet which discusses various aspects of the release, including its impact on the genre and how they were able to work on the transfer for this home video release. It should make a bloody great addition to your collection.



Speaking of bloody, this is also equally the best and worst advertisement for owning a German Shepherd. On one hand, they can be panicky. On the other, they can prove to be more efficient killers than anything that walks on two legs. Neat.



Tomorrow, we're venturing far away from the desert and down to the bottom of the sea! Will I find hidden treasures? Or should what lurks in the "Deep" put me out of my misery as soon as humanly possible?

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 28

On a dark and stormy night, American ballet student Suzy Bannon arrives at an airport in Freiburg, Germany. She has made the trip over for the purpose of attending one of the finest dancing academies in the world, but as soon she arrives to the premises, something feels amiss. Kicking off with the gruesome murder of a student, bizarre and unusual events begin to occur, with each becoming progressively worse than the last. Suzy also begins to experience visions and heavy dizziness during practices, with all of the teachers brushing it aside as nothing to be concerned with. Along with her other schoolmates, Suzy slowly starts to snoop around for answers, but what they unearth may be beyond even their understanding, and has a shocking, potentially supernatural history that spans several centuries. 



Well, this one will be rather hard to top.


While assembling the running order for this year's Unseen Terror, I had noticed something egregious and quite puzzling: I had never seen 1977's grandiose giallo triumph Suspiria. For as much as I have memorized its beloved soundtrack, my precious eyes had never been exposed to what many people call their personal favorite of Italian director Dario Argento's entire filmography. When news broke to me of a 4K restoration of the movie coming to select cinemas during the month of Halloween, I knew that finally adding it to my "watch" list was vital and of the utmost importance. After sitting through its one hundred-minute running time, I can't really be surprised by the praise that it is still showered with.


Suspiria's most memorable traits arguably come from its imagery and cinematography. As one of the very last pictures to utilize true technicolor, Argento and his crew take you on a ride that feels like entering a haunted house while on ecstasy. The murders seen throughout are gruesome, but they are shot in such a way that they feel like you're watching a well-known artist at the top of his game. It's the type of filmmaking and work that should be studied in classes that specialize in, or at least discuss the scarier side of cinema. This impressive technique is made all the more splendid if you ever get the chance to catch this newly restored print that has been touring the country, as the already eye-catching and shocking palettes are highlighted in a way that even someone such as myself can not properly describe. It makes Suspiria feel ten years younger, and aids the entire experience with leaving you feeling as if one is stuck in a never-ending nightmare (the performance of actress Jessica Harper as Suzy Bannon only accentuates the paranoia amongst our female leads). I was quite surprised by how alert and varied her facial expressions are: she looks constantly disturbed by her environment and the ensuing chaos that begins to build. Excluding Alida Valli and Joan Bennett, who play two of the school's superiors, a lot of the cast is overdubbed, but despite that pet peeve of mine, there is great effort put into the performers' physical actions and aspects. Keep an eye out for a much younger Udo Kier (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Shadow of the Vampire) as a psychologist who has a fair share of information to pass along to Suzy.


Like in Argento's prior motion picture, Suspiria isn't afraid to get down and dirty with the offing of several key players. If Profondo Rosso was Argento's "Black Sabbath," then this is his "Paranoid." The hits (pun intended?) are equally as extravagant as its predecessor, but lengthier in their agony. Perhaps the film's most memorable segment comes from a struggle between school student Pat Hingle (I can hear my NC friends all going "huh?" at the same exact time) and an unseen killer, which results in a painful and stunning death that just drips cool. Many instances of hair-raising moments are spread throughout, thankfully not suffocating the audience with a constant barrage of killings ala slasher pictures, but are carefully crafted and timed to keep the intrigue level high and the fear intact. Another driving force behind these pieces is the pulsating, haunting score by Goblin, who craft a majestic theme that plays in parts during a myriad of times in Suspiria, but never grows old. These compositions and events combine to create a finale that while certainly productive, does admittedly feel somewhat abrupt right before the end credits hit. Then again, this was also present in Profondo Rosso, so I can't really count that as a true complaint, especially when the buildup is so well shot.


Perhaps it's the late hours, or maybe I'm just too much in awe of what I just witnessed, but I don't feel as if I can add much more to the collective opinion of Suspiria's fans. It's a vibrant, suspenseful, and morbidly magical picture that needs to be an essential in every horror movie fan's collection, or for those seeking out extraordinarily unique works of screen art. Sadly, trying to purchase any copy of the flick on DVD or Blu-ray will cost you more money than expected, but fret not! Currently, cult video experts Synapse Films will be releasing this version in a gorgeous-looking Steelbook. Like other recent releases such as Phenomena and Popcorn, interested parties will just have to wait for several months afterwards in order to get a traditional Blu-ray.



But man oh man, that $49.95 price tag just might be worth it.




Tomorrow, come back for a movie! Probably a frightening one too!

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 7

A young schoolgirl named Gorgeous is ecstatic when her father returns home from his film composing job, as the two had previously made plans for an extravagant summer vacation. Upon his arrival, he introduces his daughter to a woman, who is to become Gorgeous' new stepmom. Upset about the unannounced inclusion of a new person into their family, especially after her biological mother had passed away several years ago, Gorgeous writes a letter to her aunt and asks if she can come to visit for the summer instead. Surprisingly, she receives a positive response back, and rounds up a group of her friends to travel alongside with her. Upon their arrival, they are warmly greeted by Gorgeous' elderly family member, and set out to enjoy their time off. Well, until the students start encountering strange spirits, disappearing, and dying in an unusual manner.

Watching Japan's Hausu (naturally translated as House), a 1977 effort distributed by the oh-so-notable Toho Co. this soon after viewing Brian Yuzna's Society may have been a terrible idea. While the former is nowhere near as disgusting as the American picture released eleven years later, it is just as bizarre, lavish, colorful, and flat-out weird as anything out there. I actually bumped this up from a later number in the movie listings for this year's Unseen Terror solely because they were showing it in a theater not very far from my apartment. Passing up the chance to see what some call the undisputed king of trippy, fucked up Japanese cinema on a large screen would have bothered me for quite some time. But my goodness, I just wasn't prepared for such an experience.


Hausu's strengths lie in its (un)natural ability to show you things that even the darkest and most demented part of your psyche didn't think could actually be filmed. There are several key moments which feel as if you have landed inside the mind of a filmmaker who has made the conscious decision to say "to hell with anything making sense." This decision doesn't necessarily mean that it turns in bad results however. Some creators make that work wonders and it increases the overall memorability and fun factor (pictures such as The Machine Girl or Tetsuo: The Iron Man come to mind). While Hausu doesn't sport nearly the same budget or body modification-based ideas that those have in spades, it is very vibrant and for all we know, the script could have been dipped into a large vat of LSD before filming began. The images and sequences found throughout its eighty-eight minute running time are enough to fill out an entire television series, which makes it all the more impressive that they were able to fit all of them into one motion picture.


Cast-wise, I couldn't honestly tell you much about any actress' background or even much of their character traits. Well, besides Mac, Kung Fu, and Gorgeous, who are renowned for being an excessive eater (like "Big Mac." GET IT?), skilled in martial arts, and for being rather pretty. It doesn't serve that much importance in the end as we all get the feeling that they are just laboratory rats that have wandered into a maze with traps at every single end. The creativity in which people are offed or disappear in Hausu show an early sign of things to come from future entries in the "horror comedy" genre. I don't want to go into spoilers, but when you have a schoolgirl named "Melody" being devoured by a piano during your second act, then you know that you have stepped into a rather twisted, but hilarious world. And no, I did not forget to mention that this movie is quite amusing. Many bits feel like they were lifted from a Looney Tunes cartoon or Three Stooges shorts. If you can not stand humor that seems to gorge upon the absurd and over-the-top, then this flick may not be for you.


Hausu feels less like a movie than it does an experiment. Yes, it succeeds in what it sets out to do, but my goodness. I just can't quite comprehend what I sat through, and it may take quite some time for me to fully digest the entire shebang. In fact, that statement may actually be the strongest compliment that I can give this flick. The plot is simplistic in nature (the whole "friends travel to a haunted house" formula), but insanely wacky in its execution. The imagination and nearly-euphoric feelings that director Nobuhiko Obayashi and his crew manage to conjure are nothing short of mesmerizing, yet dizzyingly peculiar. If you are curious about laying your eyes upon something that you don't see every day, Hausu is available to purchase on DVD and Blu-ray from Criterion (yes, really!), and can be viewed on the streaming service known as Filmstruck.



I'm uncertain about whether either source would be willing to provide you with psychedelics to accompany you during your session though.




Tomorrow, the late, great Wes Craven makes his first appearance for this year's iteration of Unseen Terror, and the results of one particular release could generate some real electricity!

Unseen Terror 2013: Day 21

Before I start today's entries, I'd like to briefly talk about a video cassette that holds a special place in my heart: Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies.

While visiting the Smithsonian Institution one day with my parents, I received this trailer compilation as a gift, mostly due to my (then) love of all things dinosaur-related, and my desire to become a paleontologist. Though this dream and desire has waned, it did expose me to so many genres and franchises that I ended up becoming nearly fanatical about, including Godzilla and the works of Ray Harryhausen and his brethren. There were some modern film trailers thrown in for good measure too, but my focus shifted towards the older institutions, such as Toho International and the like. Having seen nearly every film on that cassette (which I still own), however, I'm finally getting around to discovering some of these lost treasures via the internet. But after twenty-something odd years, should these have remained buried?

In the dark, mostly unexplored waters of Loch Ness, the gigantic, legendary creature known as Nessie has begun an increasing amount of attacks, mostly brought about due to the kidnapping of her egg. Some scientists will seek to exploit the creature and her unhatched offspring, while others discover a sunken Nazi plane at the bottom of Loch Ness. What connections do these have with the beast? And why does it seem that some are trying to cover it up?


Oh dear lord, I didn't expect this. Well, at least on a scale this preposterously awful. Not even six minutes in, and The Loch Ness Horror has already settled safely into Mystery Science Theater 3000 territory. How the fabulous and hilarious group of "riffers" didn't lampoon and review this film, even in the later seasons, I have no earthly idea. Is it too late to pay them to do it now?


Everyone in The Loch Ness Horror is speaking like Groundskeeper Willie teaching French in Elementary School. The Scottish stereotypes found throughout are just ridiculous, and these characters, be they American or Scottish, could be conceived and written with just an initial viewing of any number of action/horror film combinations. What ends up being significantly worse are the accents of the fellow Scottish countrymen and women themselves, which I'm sure director Larry Buchanan would try and convince you were authentic (well, if he were alive that is), but anyone with halfway decent hearing, or a brain not riddled by years of drug abuse and consuming paint chips could tell you that's a load of malarky. Buchanan was a self-proclaimed "schlockmeister," so bashing anything the man has made in his career could prove to be moot seeing as how he expected it to come with the territory.


But even by lesser movie standards, the Nessie prop used here looks like a total joke, especially since we only see her head and neck, and nothing more. While I understand that you have a limited budget, and were probably going off of the Loch Ness myth, where little has been seen, give us something more creative. She's also surprisingly non-threatening in appearance, especially past the hour mark when she stares down a young woman in a camper. The Loch Ness Horror's high point, if it has one, has Nessie turning into a slasher movie villain after her egg is stolen (or is presumed dead), so she basically turns into a gigantic Mrs. Voorhees, even attacking people at a camping site and at night in the waters. Coincidentally, this was released a year after the successful Friday the 13th. Yes, I did just compare The Loch Ness Monster to Friday the 13th. Deal with it.


On the plus side, the poster looks fairly wild and could draw in monster fanatics. And as idiotic as it might be, the film doesn't really get to be boring if you're surrounded by the right folks. Still, this is an insanely bad "D" film that wants to pretend it's a "B" movie, but a lot of alcohol (and I do mean a LOT) could potentially make this a fun experience. I wish you the best of luck trying to track down a halfway decent copy of this. Legally, Diplomat Video released it on VHS, but as far as a DVD release goes, I'm unsure that anything in terms of an actual official copy exists, outside of bootlegs that is. I viewed my version on Youtube, where you can clearly tell it was ripped from home video. Naturally, it didn't help increase the quality of the picture itself, but I digress.

When a meteor crashes into a lake one evening, a large, prehistoric creature is unearthed from the ensuing heat. It begins to devour every person that it comes into contact with, and soon, the town's sheriff decides to take action in order to stop it. Rounding up a group of paleontologists and scientists, they set out to put a stop to the archaic menace.


Unlike The Loch Ness Horror, this effort from Crown International Pictures, as tampered with as it may have been, does have an accompanying Rifftrax commentary out there for purchase, and boy do I wish I had known about that in advance. Without the aid of those gentlemen, I nearly fell asleep during this picture. For the love of Benji, this is one boring, horribly made mess.


To begin with, I think that even as a child, I could have told you that these scientists in the film were phonies, or just plain terribly written. The title monster is referred to as a dinosaur at several opportunities, and is even drawn as one on its poster seen above. This wouldn't be a problem, except that one quick glance gives away the fact that it is clearly a PLESIOSAUR, a reptile that lived a large portion of its life in the water and is a completely different creature altogether. These little discrepancies won't be a bother to anybody except for perhaps the geekiest of folks, but the film's scientists and paleontologists make these mistakes constantly, and I can't help my occasional fits of nerd rage, especially thanks to that little VHS tape I talked about near the top of today's review. Learning is fundamental ladies and germs.


The Crater Lake Monster is decently well known for its use of stop motion animation, a rarity at the time in 1977 since most companies were moving on to bigger and better pastures. Shockingly, the stop motion animation looks fairly acceptable considering that a man like Ray Harryhausen didn't have his hand in it, and there's an eerie similarity to the title creation from Q - The Winged Serpent in the facial department of the "monster" itself. Of course, it isn't any coincidence that both films share the same animation supervisor, the deceased David W. Allen. He would go on to work on a vast number of pictures of much better quality, including Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Willow, and Puppet Master. The practical, non-animation shots of its mouth also looked fairly decent considering the budget was just under one hundred thousand dollars, but I kept wondering "why not use more of that?" Unless the prop was a pain in the neck to haul around and your crew was comprised of tiny children, this is straight unforgivable. Oh, I guess we had to fill that time with the fascinating characters instead, such as....hmm....well, let me get back to you on that.


I'm starting to ponder if both of these films should have been saved for next year, since they could have coincided with the release of Gareth Edwards' Godzilla relaunch, and my time could have been spent on something much more valuable, be it another film or even something like staring at a wall while I eat leftover pasta salad. In terms of what made for a worse experience, I'd say that belonged to The Crater Lake Monster, as it just fills in the gaps and time with so much nonsense and annoying characters (if you do not hate the two redneck comic relief characters, you hate no characters in any movie ever released), while absolutely nothing happens. The fact that this film has seen a Blu-Ray release over the past two years is shocking to me, as it wholeheartedly deserves its 2.7 rating from IMDb.



Tomorrow, I brush the dust away, and finally get around to checking out SPLINTER!