I'm choosing to fill a small part of the gray area in my life with random reviews from the realms of cinema, music, and more things that are generally looked down upon by society. And you've chosen to read them apparently.
Movies huh? Anyways, I’d say that if there was any
connecting theme between the four films today it would be “notoriety.” I’m
basing that off pulling that out of my ass at the last minute because I’ve had
bad writer’s block. Anyways, let’s move on.
(poster by Thomas Walker)
In terms of longevity, few films have been on the “queue”
for Unseen Terror longer than Michael Mann’s Manhunter. I have no
legitimate excuse for why it took so long to finally watch it until 2024. Maybe
laziness? I mean hell, how did I choose watching every single Hellraiser and
Children of the Corn sequel over watching the on-screen debut of
infamous fictional serial killer Hannibal Lector? Manhunter stars
William Petersen as retired FBI criminal profiler Will Graham, who is dragged
out of retirement to assist in the arresting of a new serial killer nicknamed
“The Tooth Fairy.” Still mentally scarred following his last case and encounter
with a killer (in this case, Brian Cox’s Hannibal Lector), he must confront
demons from his past to track down this new, enigmatic force. I’ll admit that
it was somewhat difficult to NOT compare this older adaptation of Thomas
Harris’ Red Dragon novel to the one that came out in 2002, because in
terms of accuracy and faithfulness to the source material, that picture leaves
in parts from the book that are absent here. That being said, I’d argue that
between the two pieces of film, this is the more stylistically captivating (its
use of strong color cues and tinted sceneries are otherworldly), and it’s a
more well-made flick in general. The performances from everyone (Petersen and
Cox in particular) are triumphant, and with the way that Michael Mann shoots it
you feel like you’re just stuck inside some semblance of what once was a more
“normal” world. The score of Manhunter is one of its strongest aspects
too; Michel Rubini’s sounds are synth-heavy, making the picture feel dated in a
good way. Not much can replicate it.
Manhunter is a tremendous and superbly underrated
flick that I regret not watching sooner. I suspect that there is much more to
analyze and take in upon repeated viewings too, which I’ll be more than happy
to do over the next few years. It’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime, but if
you lack access to that, there are several methods in which you can gain a
physical copy of the flick itself.
I was slightly mistaken when glancing at the poster for
1988’s Jack’s Back, as I was under the impression this would be more
like a horror film than what it really turned out to be: a mystery flick with
James Spader somehow NOT playing a villain. Hey, I can’t help that I’ve become
accustomed to seeing him play a slimeball throughout most of my picture-viewing
life. I sure hope he’s a nice fella in real life. The movie stars Spader as one
of several people seeking the identity of a person who has begun committing
murders on the 100th anniversary of Jack the Ripper’s first
slayings. Without giving too much away, this movie’s biggest twist occurs VERY
early on, which while surprising, has been spoiled by nearly every media outlet
or movie aggregator (Letterboxd is guilty of this too). I do wish it was a
little more “thrilling” or even scary, but there are some moments of intensity
and shots of gore that almost made me forget that this is from the same
director who’d go on to direct cult favorite Road House a year after
this hit cinemas. Overall, it’s a breezy watch, and Spader’s utter weirdness(even as a normal person) and eternal charming nature helps elevate it to
the “pretty good” pile.
…. what? Marvel/20th Century Fox advertised their
final X-Men-related piece (or did they? Hyuk Hyuk) as their first foray
into the world of horror, so I’m going to say this counts for the list.
Besides, I’ve already seen Brightburn, and I’m not in a hurry to revisit
that. Anyways, considering the notorious amount of reshoots, delays, edits, and
general hell that The New Mutants went through, it’s a miracle that this
turned out to be watchable AT ALL. The movie is centered around a group of
young mutants (a.k.a. a human that possesses a genetic trait which usually
manifests into powers) being held in a secret facility and spending most of
their time brooding, squabbling, and acting like less fun versions of the kids
from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Something weird comes
up and they discover that they’re being held captive to be turned into weapons
instead of heroes, and someone seems to be manifesting their darkest fears into
reality. As far as characters go, this is a real mixed bag. The cast is full of
talented performers like Maisie Williams (Game of Thrones), Charlie
Heaton (Stranger Things), and Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch, Furiosa),
but most of the time they’re either trying a bit too hard with tacked-on bad
accents (seriously guys, Illyana/Magik is Russian, but she doesn’t talk or act
like a racist Yakov Smirnoff) or just saddled with very predictable dialogue.
Even if you aren’t a comics purist or X-Men devotee, you can still sense that
something doesn’t feel quite right. But how does it fare as a horror film?
Well….it has a giant CGI spirit bear that violently mauls some people, and the
cast find themselves being terrorized by things called “The Smiling Men,” who
look like rejected creature designs from Silent Hill. Also, Maisie
Williams can kinda-sorta turn into a Werewolf at will. Sooooooo, there’s that.
Honestly, it sounds like I’m being a real cynic but
considering that this followed the trainwrecks that were X-Men: Apocalypse and
The Dark Phoenix, this is a masterpiece in comparison to those two. I
didn’t find myself upset watching this one (though I was occasionally bored),
and I’m glad I can finally say that I’ve watched “Marvel’s first horror movie”
(the amount of disrespect to Blade by the way…some motherfuckers I
swear), but it’s ultimately a big collective shrug.
Seeing as how all the Disney+ Simpsons shorts are the
worst thing since the last worst thing ever, I’d rather not talk about this one
and just move on. Half a star for Kelsey as Sideshow Bob because I’m a stupid
mark.
The story of Woman of the Hour is perhaps the most “notorious”
of the ones I’m reviewing today, and that’s because it’s based on a very real,
very odd moment in television that a large chunk of people could have faint
memories of; during an episode of old television staple The Dating Game (for
you youngins’, imagine a sillier predecessor to Love is Blind), the
featured bachelorette unknowingly picked a date with a man who was secretly a
serial killer (played by Daniel Zovatto). It also marks the directorial debut
of established actress Anna Kendrick, who also stars as an aspiring actress who
is coaxed onto the show by her agent because they assume it will lead to
television exposure and future projects. There is some loose playing with
history here for the sake of crafting a more taut and tense picture, but for
the most part it works very well. Zovatto can switch between surprisingly
charming and terrifying at the drop of a hat, and I sure hope the guy gets a
chance to be cast in some bigger projects. I’d say that the overall message of Woman
of the Hour is to please believe women when they say that something seems
very “off” about an individual, as you never know how long their creepy
tendencies have been prominent and (in this case) how large their body count
may be. It’s on Netflix and worth an evening viewing. I’d be very happy to see
Anna Kendrick direct a full-fledged horror movie sooner than later now.
Kate Miller isn't content with her life of utter monotony, and she has been particularly frustrated with her sex life as of late. After she fails to seduce her shrink, she eventually crosses paths with a mysterious individual, of whom she sleeps with that very same day. When she awakens, she leaves his apartment, but has to turn around when she realizes that she has left her wedding ring back in his flat. As soon as the elevator doors open, she is violently attacked by a woman dressed in black, and her corpse, along with a glimpse of this assailant, is discovered by Liz, a high price prostitute. Taken in for police custody, not only is Liz the lone witness to what may have occurred, but also a potential suspect. Worse yet, Kate's murderer is still on the loose, and may be setting their eyes on her now!
If you were to talk to me whenever I decide to venture out into the real world, you'll occasionally hear me wax poetic over the works of American filmmaker Brian De Palma. The man has directed some of the most celebrated pieces of cinema over the past forty years, including Carrie, Scarface, and The Untouchables. He's often compared to esteemed legends such as Alfred Hitchcock, though with an added sexual and occasionally shockingly violent edge to the pictures of his own. Despite all of that, I realize that I have never sat down to watch a good chunk of his filmography. I figured that it would be better late than never, and after much debating, settled with one of his "breakout" pieces: 1980's shockerknown as Dressed to Kill.
Garnering much attention during the time of its release (and even being forced to trim thirty seconds in order to avoid the dreaded "X" rating), it's not hard to see why this could create a bit of controversy. Palma's script doesn't exactly paint the New York City found within Dressed to Kill as a very optimistic one. It's quite dour, with glimmers of hope found mostly throughout its first thirty or forty minutes. It's very likely that De Palma's earlier motion pictures seem to be equally inspired by not just Hitchcock, but the Italian "Giallo" pieces that were all the rage during this time period. The handling of the violent sequences are shot in such a threatening manner, though they obviously aren't nearly as visually vibrant as something found in say, Suspiria. But the camera work in Dressed to Kill might be its best attribute. There is one lengthy sequence which involves Kate (Angie Dickinson of Rio Bravo fame) and a stranger seemingly pursuing one another inside of an art museum, and the entire thing is devoid of any dialogue (save for some occasional grunts), letting the camera and the accompanying score by longtime De Palma collaborator Pino Donaggio, who delivers eerie, yet savagely beautiful compositions, do nearly all of the work. It should be mentioned that obviously what makes most of Dressed to Kill's suspenseful moments work is a very strong cast. Our leads work in fields that can often cause depression: Michael Caine is a hardened psychiatrist, Angie Dickinson is a bored housewife, and Nancy Allen is a call girl. There are exceptional performances all around, and it made me realize that I had never seen Allen in much outside of Carrie and Robocop, which left me feeling as though her performance surprised me the most. I'm a little upset that she, along with Caine and De Palma were apparently nominated at the Razzie Awards for their jobs in front of and behind the camera, but I've read that Allen also received a Golden Globe nod, so that's soothes the pain a bit. They help make a story, though not the most extravagant on paper, feel all the more interesting than your average "whodunit" picture.
Alas, here's where I have to be a bit of a debbie downer: while Dressed does contain some rather clever elements and twists, I'm certain that it could trigger a good chunk of modern day cinephiles, and some themes and commentary would absolutely not fly in today's world. There's a depiction of African American males at a Subway station that's fairly cliched, and the movie's primary twist and its subsequent explanation/analysis afterwards could truly ruffle some feathers. Personally, outside of some exchanges between Allen and supporting actor Keith Gordon towards the end, I didn't find it to be too bothersome. But OOF, those final ten minutes sure do feel like a slap in the face, and instead of ending on a more ominous note, it goes for the kind cheap finale that always drives me nuts. Still, considering everything else that leads up to that eyerolling moment, this is only a small black mark on an otherwise fine production.
I'm not entirely sure about whether Dressed to Kill even qualifies as a horror movie, because it bears a closer resemblance to an erotic thriller/mystery hybrid more than anything else. Still, as I have stated in the past, the genres are more closely affiliated with one another than the average joe would care to admit, and both desire the same reaction: to shock, frighten, and occasionally disturb you. Regardless of whatever you wish to file it under, it's a damn fine film and one of the very best that I've seen from the director. You can currently pick up a rather fine looking DVD or Blu-Ray from Criterion, and it's also available to stream on Amazon Prime.
Tomorrow, the VHSPS folks are back a second round, and it seems as though they're bringing a couple of familiar faces with them into the fire!
At the time of this writing, the 89th annual Academy Awards is less than thirty minutes away from airing. So, without further adieu, here are the remaining twelve choices in my personal countdown, and what would be considered my take on a "best of" list.
12. Green Room
If you're expecting me to gush over Jeremy Saulnier's intense, horrifying, and all-around excellent follow-up to the riveting Blue Ruin, then I have some very bad news for you: I've done it before. And if you have access to Amazon Prime, you can view this story about a touring punk rock band who is forcibly locked inside of a neo-Nazi club after they stumble upon a murder scene for no extra charge.
11. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
If rebellions are built on hope, then director Gareth Edwards' prequel to the original, titular juggernaut from 1977 delivered the best one that we could have asked for. Admittedly, the new batch of characters aren't nearly as well-rounded as they should be, but they are all instantly memorable and chocked full of the traits and characteristics that made us fall in love with the franchise oh so many decades ago. The final battle on the planet Scarif is the modern day, fantasy equivalent to the opening sequence from Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan.
10. The Nice Guys
Much like yesterday's entries such as Popstar and The Handmaiden, writer/director Shane Black's (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) hilariously clever action-comedy-mystery thriller was managed to near-perfection in every subcategory. The plot, though slightly tricky to pay attention to at times, revolves around two private investigators and their decision to take on the case of a missing adult film star. The Nice Guys was an undeserving bomb at the box office, though the lot of folks who did bother to see it during its opening weekend were treated to witty, snappy, and smart dialogue coupled with a surprisingly interesting narrative and developed cast of characters. Thankfully, HBO Go users can track this down and make it up to themselves by catching it now rather than later. Plus, Shane Black is still getting the chance to direct a new Predator installment, so maybe there was still a bit of light in the dark for the uber-talented guy?
9. Hell or High Water
Admittedly, I'm cheating by throwing this neo-Western flick onto my list, because I only managed to catch it less than a week ago. Attributing this to laziness or lack of luck from the Redbox (cue me shaking my fist angrily at getting two different copies that would not play) will only get me so far though. Regardless, I was ecstatic to finally view what many of friends were calling a triumphant effort in the crime/thriller genres, and they were not wrong whatsoever. Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma) play a couple of brothers from west Texas who have been robbing banks in order to pay off a reverse mortgage on their mother's house. Meanwhile, an elderly sheriff portrayed by Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, Crazy Heart) begins to track them down; expertly piecing together their patterns and next likely targets. Hell or High Water sports a killer list of performances, a GREAT soundtrack (composed by musician Nick Cave and graphic novelist Warren Ellis), and a wild sense of uncertainty. I imagine that over the years, this one will likely grow on me.
8. Arrival
Perhaps the most scientifically accurate depiction of how our own top experts would react to communicating with other world lifeforms, the quiet, slow burn known as Arrival was showered with praise even before it managed to hit theaters (and justifiably so if you ask me). Amy Adams, who absolutely deserved an Oscar nomination for what could easily go down as the best performance of her career, is fascinating to watch and listen to. If you're going into this one expecting another version of entertainment akin to, say, Independence Day, then you will disappointed beyond belief. Those with an open mind who are seeking truly original visions in the occasionally predictable world of modern science fiction will find Dennis Villeneuve (Sicario)'s newest effort spellbinding.
7. Sing Street
Take a good coming-of-age story, throw in elements of The Commitments and School of Rock, and mix in a dash of less-than-stellar Irish upbringing, and you've got one of the better hidden gems of 2016. There's so much amusing charm permeating throughout its brisk running time that you can't help but fall in love. I firmly believe that it was a bit of a crime that writer/director John Carney's (Once) story about a young man who sporadically forms a band in order to impress a girl who hangs outside of his new school didn't make its way into more theaters during its initial theatrical run. It sports a fantastic list of original (and copyrighted) songs, earnest performances, and above all else, has a ton of heart that is undeniably easy to identify with. Seek this one out however you can.
6. Captain America: Civil War
Wait, you're going to debate me on a comic book movie being so high on my personal list? Well, to quote the picture posted above, "I can do this all day." Watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe come together has been an absolute treat, so being given the opportunity to watch the world within it start to unravel and fall apart is equally as thrilling, if not slightly morbid. A story about the concept of accepting the consequences for your (rather big) actions is the most basic way to describe the plot of Civil War, but in a way, this is the true Avengers sequel that we deserve. Though most battles in this are fought amongst the heroes themselves, they are exciting, brilliantly choreographed, and have real meaning to them. Even if I'm slightly concerned for the state of the team and their future once Infinity War has come and gone, at least we have a tremendous piece of work right here to watch on repeat should we choose to.
5. Zootopia
I love to root for the little guy, and truth be told, that was why Kubo& The Two Strings was originally slotted to appear above Disney's Zootopia. In the end, however, I concluded that this little ditty is just a better picture all-around. It sports very important, and relevant lessons for younger viewers, offers commentary on racism that is so desperately needed in a climate that has unfortunately been overtaken far worse than it ever has been, and serves as a great reminder than you should never be held back from your dreams because they aren't what your "type" normally achieves. Oh, and it's very funny to boot. Did I mention that?
4. Hidden Figures
For once, the Academy Awards actually seems to be acknowledging the amount of incredible motion pictures that African-American filmmakers and/or actors have been churning out over the past few years. The true story of three black women who worked as mathematicians during the "space race" days of NASA was one of the easiest films to root for and get fully wrapped in, as it was just smart enough to not alienate itself from general audiences, but also not blatantly pandering to Joe Public. Everybody was in fine form here, including Empire queen Taraji P. Henson and even The Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons (if you know me, I can go on for hours about why I loathe that show). Though it feels like the movie was slightly shunned in favor of more Hollywood-friendly flicks (a.k.a. La La Land), it's still a great one to track down and add to your queue.
3. Lion
Perhaps one of the most emotional, and slightly overlooked movies of the year, the true story of a young Indian boy who becomes lost on the streets of Calcutta, only to be adopted and seek out his biological mother twenty-five years later is stupendous. Dev Patel reminded us of why people loved him so much in movies such as Slumdog Millionaire, while Nicole Kidman churns out a very somber performance as the woman who just wants her child to be happy, even if he may not be of her own flesh and blood. Yes, the first half of Lion is a little stronger than its second, with a very Charles Dickens-esque aesthetic and structuring, but it doesn't detract from the overall experience. Plus, young newcomer Sunny Pawar is just so adorably innocent, that you may want to take him home with you yourself......but that could be considered illegal very soon. Fucking Trump.
2. Fences
Okay, yes, this adaptation of August Wilson's award-winning play of the same name doesn't fully separate itself from just feeling like a big screen version of a stage production, but god damn, that is such a small, insignificant complaint about this powerful, crushing story of a working-class African-American father attempting to raise his family while struggling with his own problems in life. The always fantastic Denzel Washington sits in the director's chair for the first time since 2007's The Great Debaters, and brings this polarizing, often-times unlikeable lead character to vibrant life, while simultaneously managing to ensure that the immensely talented Viola Davis finally secures her first Oscar win. And by Lemmy, if either of them go home empty-handed after this, I will be legitimately upset.
1. Moonlight
After finally catching a screening of Moonlight, I wasn't quite sure if it would even end up in my top five. But over time, it managed to do what the best of the best usually do: it stuck with me. As outstanding as every other movie is in this entry, this is haunting, oddly poetic, funny, gut-wrenching, and beautiful tale of a young African-American boy and the various stages of his life (each separated by chapter cards representing his different nicknames) is levels above them all. Moonlight's most fascinating and important aspect comes from lead character Chiron having one other distinguishing characteristic about him (that is unjustly ignored in nearly every trailer): he is a homosexual. Yes, we have been treated to a number of stories about how difficult it is to grow up in "the hood," but as long as I can remember, we rarely, if ever see stories such as this one. Actor Mahershala Ali (Predators, House of Cards) steals the show as one of the main character's earliest parental figures, and every actor of every age who plays Chiron is breathtaking with their range and emotion that is put forth on screen. Moonlight isn't just a good coming-of-age film, and it isn't just an incredible motion picture from a very talented African-American filmmaker, but for my money, the best movie of 2016.
And there you have it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to watch a bunch of crusty, rich white men snub the best aspects of cinema from 2016 in favor of the stuff that was....still okay?
See? I lived up to my promise! The fourth part of the (now) yearly rankings that I have started is up for your reading pleasure. Alas, I can not promise you that these following summaries will be as lengthy as some of my more "legitimate" reviews are, but hopefully I can convince those of you who are still curious to check some of these out in what spare time that you may have these days.
24. Sausage Party
Yep. I ranked an animated comedy about potty-mouthed food items discovering what their (grisly) purpose in life truly is above a movie directed by the Coen Brothers, a Tom Hanks-led picture, and a god damn Marvel movie....no, I do not give you permission to drug test me. However, I can strongly recommend that you check out my full, unbiased review that I typed up back in the month of August. I still stand by my statement that this was the funniest motion picture that I saw in 2016.
Well, until a few months later at least.
23. The Shallows
Speaking of previously-written thoughts, should you have a couple of minutes to spare, here was my prior review for this awesome, unexpected horror/thriller. Without giving away too many details found in that link, I can only say this: if you had told me that the director of the much-maligned House of Wax remake would manage to make a basic concept such as "Blake Lively is stuck on a rock in the middle of the ocean, and a Great White Shark is trying to kill her" work so effectively, I would have dismissed you as truly insane. Instead, what we get is the first truly scary shark film in what felt like an eternity. Bravissimo!
So, how can you top an aquatic killing machine whose sole mission seems to be centered around eating Ryan Reynolds' very talented wife? Who do you turn to for help?
As always, the clear answer is....
Which leads us to....
22. The Witch
Coming seemingly out of nowhere, writer/director Robert Eggers crafted one of the most peculiar, unique, and all-around creepy motion pictures in the realm of horror that managed to stand out in the crowd. I went into The Witch completely blind, knowing nothing other than the setting and the title of the movie itself. Because of that, it took me by surprise when I observed that all of its dialogue was influenced by/lifted from authentic colonial works. This makes the story, which revolves around a banished, secluded Puritan family's attempts at surviving as rumors of evil spirits and the rumored work of darker forces threaten to destroy them all, much more interesting. One has to wonder how much of this fear has been brought about by religious insanity and how much has come from the dark lord's actual influence. If you are seeking originality out of this genre which has been (wrongly) maligned as lacking truly original visions these days, I highly encourage you to track down a copy of this beautifully-shot, well-acted, slow burn of a gem, and let yourself be sucked into its world. And come on, wouldst thou like to live deliciously?
21. Moana
It almost feels utterly pointless discussing Disney's latest foray into their tired and true animated realm (this also being their first musical since that one particular project of theirs flopped sooo hard), but I feel the need to get something out of the way before explaining as to why this is placed so high on my list. After my screening for Moana, the tale of a chief's daughter who seeks to right some wrongs made by a demigod ages ago, I was impressed, but not necessarily blown away. Perhaps it was because of two other animated motion pictures having been released to theaters beforehand that bothered to take bigger chances and attempted to appeal to a larger variety of audiences (I will not spoil as to what those were), or maybe it was due to my belief that the story, though fun, is very basic underneath it all and lacking a memorable antagonist. In the end, those are honestly very minor quips about an otherwise very impressive effort from the hard-working crew at Walt Disney Animation Studios: Moana is packed full of vibrant colors, a phenomenal voice cast (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is on top of his game, and even sings!), a slick sense of humor, and a fan-friggin-tastic soundtrack that is impossible to remove from your head once the first couple of songs have ended. More importantly, it is a great lesson for younger viewers (especially girls) to never abandon your dreams, stick to your guns, and never choose to live a secluded, drab life. Over the next four years, sincerity and advice such as that is going to be sorely needed.
20. The Handmaiden
The truest example of why some directors just shine when they are in their natural element (or when they are free from the boundaries of Hollywood), Oldboy director Park Chan-wook returns to his native South Korea with a vengeance, and delivered one of the more stunning, evocative, and criminally underrated flicks of 2016 with The Handmaiden: a loose adaptation of author Sarah Waters' historical novel Fingersmith. Ever since bursting onto the scene more than two decades ago, Park has developed somewhat of a reputation for throwing a number of twists into his own projects. More often than not, they end up leaving you feeling unclean, aghast, or violated. Given that the film's plot revolves around a poor girl hired by a conman as part of a plan to get on the good side of a naïve Japanese heiress while he himself simultaneously seduces her, you can expect that nothing will be what it seems on the surface. The fantastic mixture of psychological torture and flagrant eroticism (some of the sensuality in here could have earned this an NC-17 rating had it received a wider release) works so effectively, that the rather long running time of 145 minutes will go by quicker than you think. Yes, efforts such as these don't always work, but it is delightful watching a respected filmmaker get the opportunity to work with so little boundaries and managing to pull it off.
19. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
This fun mockumentary from the Lonely Island crew, which consists of Saturday Night Live alums Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer, chronicled the ridiculousness relating to the state of the music business in the 21st century. The former plays an egotistical artist whose own solo career has been on fire ever since splitting from his former bandmates. With the release of his sophomore album around the corner, the need to stay successful and relevant becomes higher than ever before, and once mediocre reviews start coming in, everything begins to fall apart. The troupe's style of satirical humor and constant quips have carried over from cult favorite Hot Rod, though they feel sharpened and more consistent than its predecessor ever did. Much like Zoolander 2, it never shies away from poking fun at the absurdities found throughout the entertainment industry, and manages to pack in a large number of celebrity cameos. The main difference, however, is that unlike that pathetic excuse for a feature-length film, these result in some very uproariously hilarious moments. Sadly, Ben Stiller's rather horrendous sequel won in the end, as Popstar was one of 2016's bigger commercial disappointments. Perhaps as time goes by, its reputation and word of mouth shall grow stronger.
18. Deadpool
Come on, you don't have any valid excuse for having not seen this already. It's a perfect handling of one of the most un-PC, witty, and all-around wackily violent antiheros in all of comic books. This is especially shocking when you consider how badly he was treated in the deplorable and widely-despised X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which takes quite a beating throughout Deadpool's brisk 108 minute-long running time). Go watch it. Stop drinking your overpriced beer, eating whatever fancy vegan dish you cooked up on the fly, or searching for new Sonic fanfiction. And for the love of Lemmy, do NOT let me catch you doing the latter. You're above that at your age.
But to get back onto the topic at hand, put it on. NOW.
I'M SERIOUS.
GO WATCH IT. IT'S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY. AND SUPREMELY ENTERTAINING.
BUT ONLY AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THIS POST.
17. 10 Cloverfield Lane
Ahhh, sometimes it's so darn easy just copying and pasting links isn't it? Well, to save you the time, here's my.....wait a minute. I never wrote a review for this?! Shit man, ever since catching this in a theater back in March, I had a distinct feeling that this claustrophobic companion piece to 2008's surprise hit Cloverfield would place rather high on my end of the year list(s). Lo and behold, even among a sea of Academy Award contenders and other assorted heavyweights, it was nice to recall just how darn engaging and intense this film actually was. For starters, you have beloved actor John Goodman (Roseanne, The Big Lebowski, Monsters Inc.) turning in what could be one of the best performances of his career (it's certainly his most fierce) as a paranoid bunker dweller who rescues a young woman (Scott Pilgrim's Mary Elizabeth Winstead) after a car crash. When she awakens, he insists that the outside world is no longer habitable, and that it is safer for everyone to stay below the surface instead. The tension felt throughout 10 Cloverfield Lane is truly unnerving, as the viewer begins to question whether they can separate the truth from flagrant lies. The possibility of the man who claims to be a heroic figure snapping over the most minor of things is higher than seeing that raging cheeto that somehow got elected attack another journalist over doing their fucking job. As the news breaks of this "universe" potentially expanding in the near future, one can only wonder of what will happen next. Will we be lucky enough to explore additional details of a backstory relating to Goodman's psychotic (or is he?) character? Are there more individuals with similar situations in the outside world? Whatever comes about from this, we are still blessed with an expertly-told, intimidating science fiction thriller.
Also, if she ever gets around to reading this, sorry Carrie.
16. Kubo & The Two Strings
It would be truly rotten to not place a monumentally ambitious project like Kubo in my top twenty (it misses out on being in the top twelve because of some very minor flaws). When it comes to the realm of triumphant animation, I feel as though Laika Entertainment doesn't get brought up nearly as much as they should. True, previous works such as Coraline and Paranorman garner a large amount of praise and respect from critics and fans alike, but they aren't beating out Disney or DreamWorks at the award ceremonies. In that aspect, they could be likened to a modern day version of Sullivan Bluth Studios, who in decades prior, managed to compete with (and occasionally surpass) the dynasty headed by that cheery mouse and his cohorts. These type of pictures treat their audience with respect, and aren't afraid to explore territories involving the darker sides of humanity, which include the subject of death. Unlike the visual fecal matter found in Norm of the North, these crews realize that your kids deserve a better quality flick. Though Kubo's story is very basic (your standard tale of a boy who sets out on a journey to find something that will help him defeat an older evil from the past), its true strength lies in the work of those who literally put this together. A good chunk of its cast and set pieces are brought to life through gorgeous stop-motion effect work that is just as much of a love letter to the aforementioned Don Bluth as it is to Japanese legend Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke). To date, Laika's newest outing is the first feature to receive Academy Award nominations in both "Best Animated Feature" and "Best Visual Effects," and I firmly believe that it deserves to win both. As imaginative as it is touching, Kubo & The Two Strings shows us just what children's animation can be when honest-to-Lemmy effort is put into it.
15. Godzilla: Resurgence/Shin Gojira
A radiated titan emerges for the first time in this new day and age, which perplexes the Japanese government as to what actions should be taken so that they can ensure the safety of their own citizens. After all, just dropping bombs on the beast famously nicknamed the "King of the Monsters" seems easy in concept, but when you consider the destruction that could come about from it, such an option may not be the wisest to choose from. I could go on for an even longer time about this amazing reimagining/interpretation of The Big G from Hideaki Anno (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Shinji Higuchi (Attack on Titan), but I believe that kindly asking you to read my full-length review over here would be in your best interest instead.
14. Manchester by the Sea
When a very somber man receives the news that his brother has passed away, he is surprisingly given custody of his teenage nephew, and the two attempt to cope with what their lives have become (or are about to morph into). I'm not quite certain as to how this did not end up higher on the list, especially when I found there to be very little in terms of flaws with the film itself. Perhaps because it is so frequently dour, that even the brief bits of black comedy never quite landed as well as they should have? Or maybe I'm just being a nitpicking nerd. A tour de force performance from Casey Affleck ensures that he is officially out of his brother's shadow and on a different plain entirely. Audiences may initially find him to be a quiet, unassuming shell of his former self, but during various flashbacks, it is entirely understandable as to why he has turned into the human being that he is. Wes Anderson regular Lucas Hedges also manages to turn in a deceptively good portrayal of the younger man who is handling his father's death in a rather unusual way, but manages to mask his true emotions better than most do. No other film ripped your heart out quite as well as Manchester by the Sea did in 2016, and you may not even be in a hurry to watch it again any time soon. Still, sometimes the best experiences can come from a "one and done," no matter how gloomy they are.
13. La La Land
This is how I imagine a good number of individuals will react to my placement of this outside of the final/top twelve.
Okay, that was more of an excuse to post a clip from the righteously funny Rick and Morty. But I digress.
Yes, La La Land is really, really good. The love story is a simple throwback to the golden days of Hollywood musicals (struggling girl meets struggling boy, they unexpectedly fall in love), the acting is very solid, the soundtrack is worth all of the attention that it has been receiving, the cinematography and choreography are top notch, and the daringness of making something like this in 2016 is something to truly admire. And yet, I still managed to catch at least twelve other motion pictures that never quite felt like blatant love letters to the Academy. It is a very well-known fact that Hollywood LOVES films about the industry and the good old days. This isn't necessarily a detriment towards La La Land itself, but this does mean that the story can occasionally suffer from not really having as much substance as it could. You have to give just as much attention to the technical aspects as you should to the absolutely essential element of the plot. Regardless, it does sport a lot of charm and pizazz, which warrants a solid recommendation and makes for a pleasant experience. If it wins all of the major awards at the biggest event in show business, then I won't be that upset. Besides, nothing can top Crash in terms of undeserving wins, right?
Well, the hard part is over. Tomorrow, "End of the Line" concludes with my personal top twelve flicks from 2016. Maybe we'll see a clash of long-time fictional friends, an intense confrontation with neo-nazis inside of a club, or even a double dose of Janelle Monae?
Still reeling from the loss of his youngest son and a torturous time spent back in Vietnam, postman Jacob Singer has been living a life that is less than adequate. Despite having a PhD and a girlfriend who loves and takes care of him, he is employed at the post office and is separated from his wife and other two children, who he misses dearly. Outside of work, he has been suffering from disturbing hallucinations that shake him to his very core. His delusions continue to worsen over time, which include the repeated appearances of men with constantly moving, blurred faces, and giant lizards presumably donning the disguise of other humans surrounding him. Unsettled and terrified of what he has been seeing, he begins to determine that there may no clear explanation as to why he is going mad. During one afternoon, he receives a call from an old cohort in his troop, who tells Jacob that he is not alone in experiencing these visions. Soon, the veteran shall have to start breaking down the differences between what is truly going on inside of his head, and what is actually a part of the horrifying reality that he lives on a day to day basis.
Ha, see? There ARE still monsters making appearances during this marathon.
In all seriousness, taking a break from a loop of Kaiju flicks was utterly necessary right now, as I felt that I was in need of some good human-based horror again. After hearing of Jacob's Ladder, director Adrian Lyne's (Flashdance, Fatal Attraction) extremely trippy foray into the genre, it actually ended up being the very first picture added to this year's iteration of Unseen Terror. And you know that if I am willing to choose or write anything down before a giant monster movie, I must be serious about seeing it. After all, the idea of everything not being precisely what it seems in the mind of a very small minority has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, and I was feeling desperate to see another good traumatic thriller/horror for the first time in quite a few months.
Jacob's Ladder is a fascinating beast of a different breed. Those who glance at the plot or trailer may be expecting one of several things. Some are foreseeing a more sophisticated, serious version of films akin to John Carpenter's They Live. There also exists the possibility of believing it to be a nice love letter to some of the more bizarre filmmakers from the last forty years, including David Cronenberg (The Brood, Videodrome) and David Lynch (Blue Velvet, Twin Peaks), who always managed to throw in a serious nod to the crazier side of the movie spectrum. Or, there is the easier comparison to once-great giants of the field such as M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable). Personally, I would call it a precursor to some of the more respectable, contemporary works outside of the Cineplex, which includes video game titles like Silent Hill and Eternal Darkness, and its influence can be felt throughout theatrical releases that are sometimes argued for NOT being classified as horror, such as American Psycho or Session 9.
Goodness knows, our cast are absolutely treating it like a Grade-A horror flick though. Given Lyne's reputation and prior works in his filmography, seeing that the acting is just stupendous was no surprise. I was legitimately shocked that Tim Robbins (Mystic River, The Shawshank Redemption) and the dearly departed Elizabeth Pena (Rush Hour, The Incredibles) did not receive any sort of nominations (not even a Saturn Award?!) for their work here, especially given how much heart and soul they bare when an opportunity is handed to them. Jacob himself is extremely sympathetic; a quiet, strange individual that mercifully doesn't come across as too much of an introverted oddball, as the audience is assured that you should and will care about the man. Every time that he appears distraught or has another horrifying flashback or morbid vision, you just want to give him a hug, hoping and praying that he ends up safe and sound from whatever is driving him to insanity. Pena, playing his very sensual/caring girlfriend Jezzie, has the uncanny ability to make you both adore and hate her, being blessed with the gift of natural charm and a smile that can draw you in just as well as it did to Jacob himself. Danny Aiello (Do the Right Thing) also pops up as Louis, our titular character's friend/masseuse, who may have a better understanding of what this fuss is all about, but is simultaneously unaware of everything going on inside of Jacob's fractured mind. Despite his peculiar demeanor and sporadic appearances on screen, he is wiser than he lets on, and some of his dialogue is pivotal to the plot of the overall product.
Sure, all of these characters are great, but the dark, dreary world that Jacob's Ladder takes place in is the glue that keeps the package from falling apart. The misery that is spread throughout this version of Brooklyn is horrible enough to rival that of a motion picture such as David Fincher's Se7en. You get the horrible feeling in your stomach that every single aspect of this world is just ready to come undone once things begin to reveal themselves to our protagonist. Even the brief moments of sunshine and happiness are kept to a minimum, with most popping up in flashbacks that precede terrible moments in Jacob's life. Composing legend Maurice Jarre (Lawrence of Arabia, Ghost) also manages to put together some pieces that have the ability to get under your skin, or that border on the tragically beautiful.
Technically, I've only had to sit through six picks so far for this year's list, but even after glancing again at my choices that I selected for first time screenings, I firmly believe that Jacob's Ladder is going to be very hard to top. Its twisted, psychotic, and often depressing vibe helps its two hour running time finish up quicker than you would expect it to. Though the film will certainly not be for everyone who ventures out to watch it, and its final thirty minutes can be a bit on the convoluted side, those with an open mind and a willingness to think/dissect (for even just a bit) should find themselves in for a rather unique, rewarding, and almost symbolic experience. For a rather tiny amount of money, you can order the DVD and Blu-Ray for Jacob's Ladder on Amazon, and can even rent it for a meager price on services such as YouTube and iTunes.
Or, if you are just impatient, and want a most-likely mediocre reimagining from the same person who brought you 2015's The Perfect Guy, there should be one coming within the next year or two. But if you desire such a thing, you may need more professional help than I thought.
Tomorrow, it's time to go back! Back....to the 80s! And for that matter, back....to a New York where hobos melt into toilets!
Three young, small time criminals spend most of their time breaking into various homes, stealing only what is requested of their superiors or employers. Despite seemingly enjoying what they do on a regular basis, at least two are growing frustrated with this profession, longing to leave this life behind and begin anew. When one receives a tip about a residence that supposedly contains upwards of $300,000 in cash stashed inside of a basement, the group agree to one last heist. While on stakeout, they discover that not only is this abode inhabited by one, older man, but that the homeowner is blind. Later that evening, as the break-in is commencing, the solitary resident is revealed to be nowhere near as defenseless as he may appear to others, and that this dilapidated dwelling houses some very sinister secrets.
"I'm sorry, but North America just doesn't produce any good horror films anymore."
As a movie lover and reviewer, if I may be able to request one thing these days, it would be that such a statement as that be put out to pasture. Over the last six years, we have been lucky enough to receive a large number of motion pictures that serve as not only adoring love letters to the fanbase and the genre's past, but a good chunk of releases, be they released to on-demand services or cineplexes, that have also managed to gather the necessary testicular fortitude to push it into a daring, new direction. Yes, there are still a myriad of unnecessary remakes and reboots that seem to come out more frequently than even I would expect, but they rarely affect the legacy of the originals, and are often forgotten about within a staggeringly short amount of time. Naturally, the response to some of the previously mentioned pictures in mind has been rather divisive, but that is expected from nearly anything to come along these days. To say that cynicism and hints of nihilism is a large problem in the communities of nearly everything that I personally like would be an understatement. However, with something as prominent as the "home invasion" sub-genre occasionally being forgotten about (save for gems such as Adam Wingard's You're Next), taking a risk by switching things up and having those who are burglarizing end up as the victims instead, is an opportunity that I believe is vital for the genre's survival.
As it turns out, 2016's Don't Breathe, written/directed by Fede Alvarez (Evil Dead 2013) and distributed by Robert Tapert and Sam Raimi's (Army of Darkness, Spider-Man) Ghost House Productions (Drag Me To Hell, 30 Days Of Night), is one of the best theatrically-released horror films that I have seen in recent memory. Heck, even though I am typing this in the month of August, I would not be shocked whatsoever to see this end up in my own personal "top ten" list towards the end of the year. A horror/thriller piece that is ripe with this much tension throughout its eighty-eight minute running time deserves all of the praise that is bestowed upon it. If you are the type of fan that pays good money to see horror flicks with the intention of being scared, or at least feeling so nervous that it could potentially induce nausea, this could be like discovering that the finest bottle of sake that you normally would go out of your way to seek is suddenly available right down the road. What a rather glorious feeling. What is sure to elicit the most amount of recognition during this feature's run over the course of the next month or two will be the wonderful cinematography and lighting, which is powerful enough to make the most claustrophobic and nyctophobic of people want to soil themselves. Unfortunately, that rules out the possibility of my own father ever viewing Don't Breathe, but you can't please everyone folks. It also packs a creepily effective score courtesy of Sexy Beast's Roque Banos, who knows not to be overbearing or obnoxious with a project such as this.
One of the wiser choices from somewhat-new heads sitting in the director's chair, as well as up-and-coming casting directors such as Rich Delia (Dallas Buyers Club, 2017's It), is to choose relatively unrecognizable faces as both heroes and villains. With this, Fede Alvarez manages to conjure up some exceptionally well done acting from our relatively minuscule list of performers. Evil Dead alumni Jane Levy is back after what seems like an eternity of absence from the big screen (hey, three years can seem that much longer in a horror fanatic's world), and reminds folks yet again about why publications and websites such as Forbes and Complex were so high on the very talented woman and her future in the world of entertainment. Her other companions, portrayed by Goosebumps' Dylan Minnette, and It Follows' Daniel Zovatto, are also in very fine form, with both adding more humanity to Don't Breathe to help keep it grounded and interesting. Quite often, you can pick out a weak link among any sort of ensemble, no matter the size, but that is far from the case in Don't Breathe. Admittedly, I have complained multiple times in the past about my personal gripes with how some characters act in situations such as these (it was my main reason for being unenthused with 2006's Them, a.ka. Ils), but when you consider their circumstances, personalities, and disappointing lives outside of their profession, being cross at them for taking certain actions becomes far more understandable.
Of course, what is a good horror movie without a diabolical reprobate? Avatar's Stephen Lang delivers one hell of a nerve-racking performance as The Blind Man (if my memory serves me right, our trio of robbers never learn his real name), and he is easily the most unique foe to come along in one of these films in several years. The aged citizen is cold, creepy, and underneath it all, assuredly deranged. While you do feel more than a few ounces of sympathy for the elderly gentlemen throughout the first half of the film's running time, its twists and turns slowly remind you that even handicapped individuals such as this one can keep terrible, awful mysteries hidden from the general public. At the risk of minor spoilers, to say that you experience a complete 180 degree turnaround on your opinion of the man, especially if you are a woman, is the most obvious statement of the year. It makes the events surrounding these poor souls, and Don't Breathe as a whole, that much more demented and daring. The Blind Man is also accompanied by a rather intimidating, relentless pet Rottweiler, who at times, manages to disturb and freak you out more than his own master can do. After witnessing the crazed canines in this year's Green Room, I think it may be safe to say that assorted writers in Hollywood have been doing a damn fine job of reminding audiences that man's best friend can be more difficult to deal with than you would think.
Don't Breathe is an often quiet, firm, yet exhilarating piece of suspenseful horror that both respectful devotees and casual fans of the genre will greatly be able to appreciate, while never feeling like it has to be desperate and scare the audience with cheap thrills and predictable cliches found in releases that are of lesser quality and take very few chances. No, it is well aware that have paid good money to be thrilled and frightened, and that after barking for so long that you "deserve a better class of fear," it is going to do the very best to stand and deliver on that request. As I have stated multiple times before, if you are willing to let yourself be sucked into a movie's world, absorbing every necessary detail and looking at these human beings as something more than just characters stuck in a scary movie, I am more than convinced that you can have just as fantastic of a time as I did. After all, when a sizable gathering of moviegoers* are eliciting several audible moans, gasps, and flat-out "NO!"s during a majority of the right moments when you are supposed to, you know that you have done your job as a filmmaker particularly well.
Now, perhaps if it isn't too much to ask for, can we hire someone to write a new character for Stephen Lang to play in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? Perhaps a "Reverse-Daredevil," ala the antagonist for the CW's adaptation of The Flash? Yes, I know that the actor is not legally blind, but one can dream, can't I?
......Wait, there are TWOOTHER individuals in the Marvel Comics world for him to potentially tackle? Well, I suppose that can suffice...for now....
Note: I only say "sizable" because, and I hate to say it, some moviegoers will venture into every picture in this field with the worst of intentions; sporting a defiant, arrogant attitude that says they lack a willingness to be scared. Don't be that person. Let your guard down. Be afraid. Be very afraid. :)
Bank worker Hae-won doesn't exactly enjoy living in the occasionally stress-filled and frenetic city of Seoul, South Korea. On the advice of one of her superiors, she takes a much-needed vacation to the private island of Mudo, where she spent much of her time growing up during her prepubescent years. Once Hae-won has arrived, she is greeted by one-time best friend Bok-nam, with whom she had lost touch. After perusing the isolated premises, she notices that the companion from her youth lives a rather tough on Mudo: she is treated like a slave, abused by her husband, his brother, and the assorted elders living in the village. When a particularly life-changing tragedy strikes, Hae-won can only watch in horror as her childhood friend finally snaps.
Each year that I pick out my movies to view for this marathon, I have a difficult time narrowing down my variety of choices to at least thirty one individual selections. What's even harder is having to pick out what will be watched on which day, especially given previous iterations' structuring and the thought often crosses my mind on if I should stick with a recurring theme for each number listed (not everything is a coincidence). Sometimes, this has lead to rousing success and pleasant viewing experiences. For starters, I always try and pick out something that I'm guaranteed to enjoy on day one. On the opposite end of the spectrum, sometimes you end up sitting through more awful Hellraiser sequels and pretentious messes like Rubber than you ever thought that you could.
As luck would have it, day six of every year's marathon has seemingly become about discovering new films from the country of South Korea, particularly in the horror and/or thriller field. I've enjoyed Thirst and I Saw The Devil immensely, and first-time director Jang Cheol-soo's tragic, bloody, and all-around exceptional motion picture Bedevilled has more than a right to be held in the same breath as some of the best of the best from the East. As of this writing, about twenty five or thirty minutes have passed since the credits ended, and in some regards, I'm still at a loss for words.
I will keep my spoilers to a bare minimum, but I must throw out something before I continue on: Bedevilled may not be considered a "horror" movie, at least by the standards of most audiences. True, its most uncomfortable scenes and unquestionably detestable villains could help you make the case for it being one, but just as many folks will compare it to a picture such as Taxi Driver, or something more macabre such as I Spit On Your Grave, though I think has far more to offer than the latter ever could. A person such as myself doesn't really care what you call it, since thrills and chills are more closely linked than people want to fully admit anyway. On the "thrill," or more appropriately, dramatic side of things, if you're expecting Hae-won, the former woman described in the above synopsis to take the lead as our protagonist, you are sorely mistaken and have been greatly mislead my friend. Mind you, she doesn't disappear or become a second banana at all, but our poor islander, the emotionally and physically tortured Kim Bok-nam, is the real star here, and she is someone we spend quite a bit of time getting to know. The lady is clearly the only thoughtful and compassionate character on the island of Mudo, as every single person surrounding her (with the lone exception of her daughter, played quite adequately by youngster Lee Ji-eun ) is either verbally beating her down for not being completely submissive and having an opinion, or they're physically abusing her over minor and mundane mistakes that every human being is capable of making. I don't think I've seen this much debasing of a spouse since Lucky McKee's equally harsh horror film The Woman.
This continuous beating of a young lady who clearly doesn't deserve any of this guides us into the "chill" category. When Bok-nam ultimately snaps (thankfully this isn't a spoiler, especially if you've seen the alternate poster), it goes from zero to eighty in a manner that can only be described as shockingly satisfying, if not a bit on the morbid side. Bok-nam is played wonderfully by actress Seo Young-hee, who I would personally love to see get a chance to work with a bigger hollywood (not necessarily American) director after she did such a fantastic job of helping flesh this woman out, separating her from the usual vengeful heroine character. Let's hope she can fare better than Choi Min-sik though, since even he couldn't save the disappointingly bland and forgettable Lucy. At certain times during her island-based life, she can be incredibly pathetic, although very sympathetic when you consider that she has been sucked into this eerie, cult-like, browbeating community against her will, seeing the return of her old friend Hae-won as a possible way out of this nightmarish existence. During other periods, she is horrifying cold and notably resourceful, outperforming the most sadistic and calculated of slasher movie villains. This instantly memorable performance is only accentuated further by the minimal use of a musical score, saved only for the most crucial of moments and when serenity is most needed during times of absolute madness.
If you can stomach the initially slow pace and build, the brutal violence, and can deal with the fair amount of female (and occasional child) abuse seen throughout the two hour running time, Bedevilled is a remarkably well-made, powerful, and important picture. I understand that its conclusion will most likely prove to be quite divisive, but I think it's the type that will cause you to think and realize how the entire story has come full circle, and that even through terrible, terrible events taking place, we can still grow as people, learning to do the right thing when the time finally comes. Well, this is after you have cooled down that is. My only issue though? I honestly wish that I had watched this at a later time, considering that it sets the bar for this year's lineup rather high.
However, tomorrow may prove me wrong.
Tomorrow, we're sticking around in South Korea and checking out Bad Guy!
After completing a massive drug bust at a Columbian drug cartel's place of residence, DEA captain John "Breacher" Wharton and his unit celebrate and breathe a sigh of relief. Though the man and his crew have been accused of taking money from the scene of the crime, they are oblivious to the missing evidence, and continue to celebrate on a job well done. Things start to turn sour, however, when members of John's crew start dying one by one. Is this linked with their cartel bust? Or does this have to do with something from the past that is now coming back to haunt the crew?
As I left Carmike Cinemas tonight, I came to the odd realization that this was the first Arnold Schwarzenegger-led film that I've seen in a theater as an adult. Aside from that thought making me feel very old, it also made me recall the days of yesteryear for the Austrian-American actor and former California governor. I grew up on many of the man's action and adventure films of the eighties and nineties, many of which I and my friends will defend to the death as fantastic forms of entertainment. In recent years though, he hasn't exactly been the muscled, lovable cheeseball darling of the media. For starters, an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a divorce and previously undiscovered child, along with a very silly appearance at the 2004 Republican National Convention definitely brought the "Governator" down a few pegs in the public eye. Even if he was coming out in favor of same sex marriage or supporting the legalization of marijuana, the damage was done, and when he decided to return to full time acting in 2011, it showed at the box office intake. Thankfully, Arnold's newest picture Sabotage is coming out during the period when the audiences are pretty desperate for any form of entertainment (it's thanks to these "dry" months that we have the upcoming A Haunted House 2. *shudder*), so maybe there's hope for the man after all.
I couldn't help but feel like this was a movie with delusions of grandeur. It wants to tell the audience that it's full of intrigue, with a great "whodunnit" theme felt throughout every mood swing, but the problem is that any viewer, be they casual or hardcore, has seen it all before. Heck, most audiences have seen this in different genres for crying out loud. The film starts out slightly similar to one of Arnold's older classics from the 1980s, the science fiction piece Predator, with a sizable team of loud, boisterous, and somewhat one-note characters taking down a large threat with deadly force and surprising brutality. Within no amount of time, something comes up that leads to the team being mysteriously killed off in very violent ways. However, it shifts into the territory of motion pictures like Identity or Scream, with the remaining faces and figures trying to unravel a mystery that may hold secrets to a certain character's past. If this sounds like something worth watching, it damn well is. However, Sabotage isn't the film that you're looking for which will combine these elements into something that flows smoothly.
For starters, as macho or comical as some of the characters in the aforementioned films might be, they were wholly memorable or relatable. You could recall what it was that made you like someone such as Predator's Dutch or Billy, or even Scream's Sidney Prescott. Nobody in Sabotage, save for arguably Schwarzenegger's leader "Breach," has anything distinguishable about them, and Breach is the only individual who is given a background and reason for doing what he does (mostly thanks to one five minute-long scene of exposition). As for his crew? Well, they're mostly a lineup of the "who's who" of police and crime pictures. There's the female (The Killing's Mireille Enos), the black guy (Hustle & Flow's Terrence Howard), the man who looks like a rejected member of the Wyatt Family (True Blood's Joe Manganiello), and the other white, bald, occasionally tattooed men. Oh, and Sam Worthington (Avatar) is in there somewhere as well. Every member of Breach's task force is just a lousy, irritating cliche, and you wonder why they're trying to tell the audience that you have to feel bad when any of them bites the dust. Arnold also interacts with a mostly flat female F.B.I. agent played by Olivia Williams (Rushmore), but you'd never know that she's with the Bureau since they are portrayed as being completely worthless or just plain inept at their job. Apparently the DEA are the be all, end all of badassery, and other forces are insignificant puny worms. Maybe I could blame this on the script needing some work, but I think that I've used that copout too much in previous reviews.
Speaking of the script, I suppose that I should have done my research about it beforehand. The poster for Sabotage is a blatant lie, as this was actually a joint effort by director David Ayer and a man named Skip Woods. Ayer's track record is mostly positive, lying in the crime and police drama genres with pictures like Training Day and S.W.A.T. Skip Woods, on the other hand, is the man who helped bring such memorable duds as Hitman and X-Men Origins: Wolverine to the big screen. I'd be willing to suspect that most of the latter's influence is what made it through to the final product. Thankfully, some of the script isn't completely limp. For the very, very brief moments of comedy that there are, Arnold makes a few lines work that would normally fall flat in the hands of others (I'll be waiting for an isolated clip of him spouting "Is that a dick?" to pop up online). As much time as I've spent on blasting the script's weaknesses, it does possess a certain hook that will keep you from tuning out of the product completely. Maybe that's just part of the Arnold charm though. I mean honestly, can you name a film starring the man that you've flat out turned off and never finished? Well, outside of his late-90s pictures. And Red Sonja. And Last Action Hero. And any comedy he did not called Jingle All The Way or Twins…...You know what? Let me retract that last question and move on.
I can't really fault anybody for wanting to see Sabotage, as it really isn't a terrible movie per se, but I just didn't come away feeling particularly impressed by anything that I saw (even the action sequences are brought down by erratic cinematography). While the nostalgic Arnold Schwarzenegger fan in me hopes that it does well at the box office (at least until Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out next week), solely so that the man will continue to be in demand, it falls more into the dreaded category of "Meh." Since all of the negatives outweigh the positives, and the negatives aren't even offensively bad, this might serve as the definition of a Redbox rental. I would certainly think that paying anything more than six dollars to see it would be a stunningly bad mistake.
But on the plus side, it's infinitely more watchable than Batman and Robin.
.jpg)
