Well, I certainly didn't plan on doing a twofer today, but here we are. Given how bewitching both of these films are in their badness, I'm going to need as much liquid courage as possible if I have to write reviews for both of them.
I had only ever seen the cover art for 1984's Monster Dog while passing through my local video stores back in the day. It looked ridiculous, and while my younger self was admittedly a lot pickier when it came to cinema, these days I'm pretty much down for whatever is suggested to me. Besides, when has crappy packaging ever truly stopped me from taking the plunge and checking something out? Plus, it has everything that I like in my horror movies: it's an Italian production, features a rock star as its lead (in this case, it's Alice Cooper), and a killer creature or two.
But man, does this movie blow chunks. In fact, it practically projectile vomits them. Monster Dog's concept is based around a musical performer driving back to his childhood home with his crew in tow, only to find that when they try to shoot a music video, they get into a heap of trouble that involves, but isn't limited to a pack of wild dogs that are on the hunt for human flesh and something that sure as shit sounds like lycanthropy. A fun idea in theory, sure, but so much of this production just feels like a misfire. Cooper isn't a terrible choice for a lead actor, but he appears to be so disinterested that the movie as a whole is brought down even more. It doesn't help that if you dig around for more information on the project, you discover that he was pretty down on his luck, and only agreed to do the motion picture if it was shown in the International market, but never in the U.S (spoilers: they didn't keep their promise). His costar Victoria Vera fares slightly better, but it's a shame that her character is so incredibly bland.
One of the most puzzling aspects of Monster Dog (other than the decision to cast a shorthaired Alice) comes in the form of its dialogue. Actually, if I can be more specific, the dubbing of said dialogue. I understand that most Italian horror flicks have a tendency to mix their audio rather oddly when they overdub their actors' performances, but it's so incredibly weird here because they make it sound as if every single member of the cast had this done to them. Much to my surprise, it turns out that Mr. Cooper himself was the only one whose lines were tampered with. It fools you initially, but you realize the nature of this deception once the gang reaches the house. Whoever voiced his character sounded ten years older than the shock rocker, and appeared to have grown up on a steady diet of 1950s sitcoms. Admittedly, the only laughs I got came from whoever dubbed the barks and growls for the canine enemies, as the pets themselves were borrowed from guide dog schools for the blind. Perhaps the actual behavior could have appeared to be more authentic had they told these companions about the fate of the protagonists in The Adventures of Milo and Otis?
Look, I try to find even the faintest of lights in the dark with nearly every picture that I come across, but god damn was it hard with Monster Dog. It almost redeems itself with the revelation of the titular beast during its third act (and a nice shotgun scalping beforehand), but it resembles an RC Cola version of something out of The Howling. And yes, it is watchable, with it occasionally diving into the "so bad it's good" category once in a blue moon. Still, that's a rather backhanded compliment, as it's just overwhelmingly stupid, suffers from grueling pacing, and doesn't know how to have nearly enough fun. If you feel like suffering for ninety minutes, you can pick up the Blu-ray from Kino Lorber, as it apparently contains a featurette on the making of this monstrosity. I will not be doing such a thing, as I have endured enough pain from this director for the time being
But heck, what would you expect from the individual who gave us Troll 2?
Alright, time to leave earth for a bit, and go to outer space!
.....but then go right back to earth.
*sigh*
Like Monster Dog, my only prior knowledge of Xtro came from seeing it on store shelves or from seeing advertisements inside the VHS or DVD cases for other releases. It certainly sounded interesting; a hybrid of Alien, Species, and Close Encounters of the Third Kind with a bit of family drama thrown into the mix. After the film concluded, the first thing that I noticed was that I did not expect Xtro to be as manic and unbalanced as it is. The second thing was how nobody who worked on this little ditty could have been sober during its creation and conception.
For starters, Xtro revolves around a father who was abducted by aliens long ago suddenly returning to his family's lives, but with very peculiar traits that begin to take effect on everyone around him. And that my friends, is the briefest, and most spoiler-free version of the vividly strange introduction that kicks this motion picture into gear. Because if there is one thing that Xtro delivers on, it's inherit weirdness and unexpected violence. There are sequences in here that could make more squeamish viewers (and particularly females) quite uncomfortable as they involve rape, pained/exaggerated childbirth, and many more. Adding in the rather good makeup/special effects is enough to make up for the quite amateurish acting (minus Bernice Stegers as the wife in the family), but not all of the time. Perhaps the only real weak spot in the technical/non-acting department comes in the form of the music, which sounded like more of a proper fit for something such as Home Alone rather than a science fiction/horror film that just throws everything at the wall regardless of whether it sticks or not.
I do hate to sound like a broken record, but did I mention that Xtro goes all out? Not since I viewed Society and Hausu have I seen something that experiments with the more unknown side of life and creatively explores a plethora of concepts that should not work on paper. The former abductee Sam Phillips (portrayed by the late Philip Sayer) provides most of these moments, which includes eating snake eggs and seemingly sucking on his child's shoulder for reasons that I won't get into. It'll certainly raise a few eyebrows, and I suspect that if one were to watch any of these scenes while on psychedelics, their brain could crack in two. One of the drawbacks of these is that it does begin to feel as though the writers and co/producers (which included New Line Cinema's notorious Bob Shaye) were trying to see how much they could get away with until they were told to stop. Regrettably, this leads to an ending that feels like an excuse to shock for shock value's sake.
Xtro is a beautiful, messy piece. The gross factor is high, its bizarre nature sometimes works against it, and it can be rather cruel to women. But unlike something along the lines of Monster Dog, I never found that I was bored throughout its running time, and because it is relatively cohesive, even counted myself as morbidly curious during its second half. In fact, because of how extraordinarily fucked in the head it is, I'll give it a recommendation for those who are seeking something truly unnatural and eccentric, but it isn't without a fair warning. Disappointingly, the DVD for Xtro is out of print (I had to watch my version on YouTube), and from what I've seen, it doesn't appear that there are any plans in the near future for it or its two sequels to receive another home video release. How someone like Arrow Films, Scream! Factory, or Synapse has not picked up this yet is beyond me.
But maybe they're afraid of potentially interviewing costar Simon Nash. He brings inanimate clowns to life after all, and that is truly terrifying.
Tomorrow, we hit the way back machine and visit an old Italian favorite for one of his more seminal pictures!
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