As a military vehicle is transporting the dangerous gas known as Trioxin from town to town, a single barrel breaks loose from the back of the truck, and falls into a nearby river. Soon afterwards, a young boy named Jesse is coerced by two bullies to venture into the nearby cemetery, where all three stumble across the aforementioned tank. Though Jesse warns that they should not tamper with it, the others are far more ambitious, as they decide to lock their "victim" inside of a vault in the hopes that he will no longer disturb them. Though he is eventually and accidentally freed by a trio of grave robbers, it is too late to stop his curious comrades from messing with the Trioxin, which has effects that are worse than anything that they ever could have imagined. Within no time, the dead rise from the ground, and they are craving only one thing: BRAINS!
Before going into my review for this little ditty, I have to apologize and correct myself for a huge error that was made not too long ago: Unseen Terror was started in 2011, NOT during the year prior to that. How was I able to recall this you may ask? Well, it is because my premiere choice for the very first entry came from Dan O'Bannon's The Return of the Living Dead, a 1985 horror-comedy that is wisely and justifiably adored for its great sense of humor, killer soundtrack, blood/gore, and a very keen ability to not take itself too seriously. So, as luck would have it, I was able to stumble across one of its many sequels from throughout the years. Having also previously seen the follow-up to this picture, but not the actual finished, whole product itself, I felt that a proper viewing was in order. Plus, this is officially my three-hundredth post on here, so I said why the hell not?
I have often heard from fans and critics that the ROTLD series can be categorized as "Punk Rock Zombie" flicks, and after having seen at least three of these pictures, I don't believe that they are completely wrong. In terms of the music department, Part II isn't nearly as impressive as its predecessor, but it does an admirable job at being able to stick out in a sea of sequels with a killer soundtrack, featuring artists like Anthrax and Leatherwolf playing throughout. Tragically, also like the film before it, being able to obtain a cut of the movie with every artist's song featured in the initial theatrical run is nearly impossible thanks to copyright issues, and unless you are willing to settle for the French audio track on the DVD release, you are most likely going to have to track something down at a nearby horror convention. There are also a good number of other technical aspects found throughout this follow-up worth smiling over, including some very colorful gore and the return of the (now) iconic Tarman zombie (though he looks far more comical this time around and gets even less screen time). All of the crew in the makeup department knock it out of the park with some hilariously silly-looking deceased beings, including a woman with worms constantly sticking and wiggling out of her face, and a corpse who gets blasted into two pieces but somehow keeps functioning. Unlike the 1985 release, Part II is definitely played more for laughs, and it comes closer to being lumped into the subgenre known as "comedy-horror" rather than "horror-comedy." "Wait Ryan, what is the difference between those two?" Trust me, if you sit down and watch it yourself, then you shall understand what I'm saying.
Now, while I am absolutely satisfied with the bloodier and louder ends of the spectrum, I would be remiss not to bring up the other aspects of ROTLD Part II. While the creativity behind those in the realm of the undead certainly makes for a memorable experience, other portions of this entry just leave you feeling kind of disappointed. As is the case with most sequels, a majority of this motion picture feels like recycled or redundant material. The most apparent, obvious case of this comes from the casting of James Karen and Thom Mathews as two of our leads. Because it was essentially impossible for their characters from Part 1 to return to the big screen (my apologies for the spoiler), it just feels odd to see them pop back up again, and their new roles feel like carbon copies from that picture in question. Come to think of it, the two even go so far as to make a joke about the similarities and near-duplication towards the middle of its running time, which begs the question of why would you watch this tale instead of its three-year-old ancestor?
Astonishingly, ROTLD Part II is currently sitting at a disastrously-low rating of zero percent on website aggregator Rotten Tomatoes. Perhaps it is the bias of a horror fan that is coming out to say the following, but to imply that this is far worse than something truly wretched like Meet the Spartans or Fantastic Four is just wholly, stupidly wrong. Much like another undeservedly-trashed sequel to a bigger film, it is far from a perfect product (a good half of its cast or crew have been outspoken about their dislike for the picture and feel that it's a blatant cash grab), but it's a watchable sequel with oodles of cheese and enough charm and pizzazz to help it stick a decent landing. I'm uncertain as to how memorable it will be for you in the long run, but for the time being, it is a fairly acceptable way to kill 90 minutes. Currently, the DVD is relatively inexpensive to purchase, and it can be viewed for free if you have a subscription to Starz and/or access to their on-demand library.
So, since this was a follow-up that took me by pleasant surprise, let us see if we can duplicate that magic outside of the realm of zombie movies.......
To say that 1995's Italian production Cruel Jaws makes for a particularly fascinating watch is one colossal understatement. The movie was marketed and released in many areas across the globe as Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws, and reuses themes and footage from a number of other, superior pictures (there's even teases of the beloved theme from Star Wars) involving these killer beasts of the ocean. In fact, for that reason alone, the movie has been extremely difficult to track down and is ineligible for a proper DVD or Blu-Ray release (though there always is the bootleg circuit).
Which leads me to utter the following: I have always been told that if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all. Of course, that would make me a huge hypocrite given all of the trashing that I have done of lesser flicks from throughout the years, but I really do not care at this point. Regardless, I can comfortably say that the best aspect of the Grade-Z Cruel Jaws (outside of one of the lead actors appearing to be a doppelganger for professional wrestler-turned cultural punchline Hulk Hogan) was that it ended, and was mildly less torturous to watch than Up from the Depths. And even then, I will be debating with myself for a quite a while about such a statement.
....that's it though. No more is being said or typed. Nope. Let's just move on to tomorrow's entry, shall we?
Speaking of that, let's just say that my "theatrical" choice for this year's Unseen Terror was unlike anything that I have ever sat through...
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