Considering that I lived in Wilmington, North Carolina (where most of this was shot) for close to eleven years, I'm as shocked as you are that I never watched 1984's Firestarter until now. Based on King's sixth novel of the same name, it tells the story of a young girl named Charlie (Drew Barrymore) and her father Andy (David Keith of An Officer and a Gentleman fame) on the run from a shady agency that through secret experiments, has managed to manifest powers in the both of them. He has developed the ability to manipulate the minds of others, which is certainly beneficial when you are trying to avoid contact with anyone who might harm you or your family. Charlie has been granted a far more dangerous power though: pyrokinesis. The aforementioned group discovers the latter's new ability, and hopes that if they can capture the child, her skills can be harnessed as a weapon for the government.
Firestarter feels more akin to a mixture of dark science fiction and thriller than it does a "scary" movie, but when you consider the subject matter, arguing about it being horror-adjacent wouldn't be hard to do. Regardless of how you would choose to categorize this flick, it has one fundamental flaw: throughout most of its running time, it is shockingly dull. Barrymore is doing a commendable job in her role, but there's little reason to care about Charlie other than the fact that she's a kid. It doesn't help that most of the supporting cast, which includes usually-great heavyweights like Martin Sheen, George C. Scott, and Louise Fletcher among others, is also wasted playing eerily similar versions of characters that we've seen countless amounts of times over the course of several decades. Even if you're unfamiliar with the novel it's based on, most of the plot unfolds exactly the way that you would expect it to, giving you a feeling that it could pass for a pilot to a television series (ironically enough, this became a reality eighteen years later in the form of Firestarter: Rekindled). Still, it does boast one hell of a cool finale that I'm certain you couldn't just throw out in the beginning on a series. That final act is quite the spectacle to behold as it finally gives us what we want to see with Barrymore going full-on "X-Men" and letting her emotions get the best of her. I'm not sure if this helped director Mark Lester land his next feature (the Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle Commando), but it wouldn't surprise me.
That cool moment aside, I found Firestarter to be just a bit too boring to recommend. I'm more interested to see what would have come about with John Carpenter and Bill Lancaster's version of the film, as they were initially approached to direct and write this adaptation. Unfortunately, after The Thing bombed at the box office, the two of them were taken off of the project. Crap. I suspect that if I had seen this when I was younger, my opinion would be different (outside of people being set ablaze, it isn't terribly violent), but if you're a Stephen King completist, you can snag a copy of it on DVD and Blu-Ray for next-to-nothing. At the very least, try to find a physical copy of the very good score by Tangerine Dream.
Alrighty, time for Day 17.
Funnily enough, Unearthed & Untold: The Path to Pet Sematary is the first documentary that I've covered since I began this "Unseen Terror" idea back in 2011. I considered going back to revisit Never Sleep Again, which is an excellent (though quite lengthy) retrospective look at the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, but there's not a lot of fun discussing something that I've watched a number of times already. Plus I have some positive memories attached to Stephen King's novel Pet Sematary and its enjoyable (though flawed) adaptation from 1989, so when I stumbled upon this ditty, I figured this could make for an interesting experience.
The first thing you'll notice about Unearthed & Untold is that they have set out to make as thorough of a documentary as they can. Calling this a love letter for fanatics only is the easiest way to describe it to anyone who is slightly intrigued. This serves as both its greatest strength and weakness, because unless you REALLY care about Pet Sematary, there's a very good chance you'll start to zone out or feel tempted to fast forward. There's a lot of technical talk and specifics about the tiniest of things, which while appreciated, starts to feel like the directors are doing their damnedest to stretch it out to an unnecessarily long running time. They seemingly also forget about Pet Sematary Two's existence, but in retrospect that might not be as bad of a decision as I initially thought it was. On the plus side, getting the chance to snag every living actor or crew member involved for discussions is very impressive for what is essentially a documentary made by diehard fans. I'm very sad that they were unable to include more archival footage or interviews with the late Fred Gwynne, but I am very happy that Mary Lambert gets more than a few minutes to talk. I've always had an immense amount of respect for Lambert considering that she was one of the first female directors in the horror genre to make an impact (and judging by her appearance here, she also has impeccable fashion taste these days). I wish she had had given the filmmakers some tips of how to properly edit a documentary though (her final interview has her being drowned out by music that slowly creeps in).
It bears repeating, but even if it does feel a bit amateurish, Unearthed & Untold is a perfectly fine documentary, though solely for fans with a lot of time on their hands. I feel like it could have been featured as an extra on a Blu-Ray rather than as a standalone release, but I'm just some schmuck talking about movies on a blog that most people don't read. If you want to check it out, it is currently streaming on both Shudder and Amazon Prime, and the Blu-Ray from Synapse isn't too pricey either.
*whew* Time for Day 18.
So this isn't the first time during this year's Unseen Terror marathon that I'm tackling a television series for an entry (go back about a week or so for my usual foray into the Goosebumps show from the 1990s). The difference between that bit of corny nostalgia and the following choice is primarily due to anticipation and genuine excitement.
As a teenager, I never imagined that we would live in a time where horror seeped its way into the world of television this frequently, and that most of these programs would be lovingly embraced. Some of the most noteworthy shows, be they on cable or exclusively available through streaming services include American Horror Story, The Walking Dead, Stranger Things, The Haunting of Hill House, Hemlock Grove, and more that I have yet to sit down and watch myself. Perhaps the success of those spearheaded the opportunity for Creepshow: The Series to become a reality. Announced back in July of 2018, this anthology series is the first in a number of years to feature the name shared with the 1982 and 1987 films that are beloved by so many horror fans. Though o.g. creators George Romero and Stephen King are sadly absent this time around (Romero passed away two years ago), series veterans Greg Nicotero and Tom Savini, who both previously worked in the effects department for the original two features, have returned to help out (with Nicotero serving as producer). As of the time of this writing, I discovered that Savini himself also directs a segment in one of the episodes, but it has yet to air. No, you didn't read that wrong. Creepshow is a weekly episodic show, meaning that you can't just immediately marathon the entire shebang during one pizza-filled afternoon. Deal with it.
Anyway, as for the quality of the content found within, Creepshow is off to a fairly good start. The first episode features an adaptation of the Stephen King story "Gray Matter" from his collection "Night Shift." Directed by Greg Nicotero himself, the story of a boy whose father develops a "drinking problem" features performers such as Tobin Bell (Saw) and Adrienne Barbeau (also of original Creepshow fame) and a slew of in-jokes and nods to other King works. I always thought that the original story was fairly creepy, and they managed to do a faithful job with this one. The second story of the first episode is "House of the Head," which could prove to very divisive with some fans solely due to how incredibly odd it is. Written by Josh Malerman (whose printed works include Bird Box and Unbury Carol) and directed by John Harrison (known for composing the scores to Day of the Dead and the original Creepshow, along with directing Tales from the Darkside: The Movie), it's a peculiar tale of a little girl's dollhouse being visited by a severed head that I'm still not quite sure how to rate. I give it points for originality, but feel like it drags in parts. There is a very good chance that I'll be re-watching this one sooner than I expected to, just so I can finally have a real opinion on it.
From beginning to end, episode two has been my favorite of this series so far. "Bad Wolf Down" feels the most like an original Creepshow idea (it even has some of the same lighting effects from the o.g. flick) and sports a wonderfully silly performance from Jeffrey Combs as a Nazi colonel seeking revenge against some American soldiers, who themselves receive some unusual assistance in dealing with these racist shitbags. It's also one of the few stories featured in this anthology not to be based on previously existing material. But it pales in comparison to what is likely to be the standout of this entire month-long run: "The Finger." Written by David J. Schow of The Crow fame and directed by Nicotero yet again, it is a darkly comedic story about a lonely loser (DJ Qualls of Road Trip and The Man in the High Castle fame) who acquires a gangly-looking finger that begins to slowly grow over time. It is strange, charming, funny, and kind of adorable. There's also some pleasant practical effects work which us older horror fans don't see nearly enough of these days. I don't want to give too much away, but I think I smell the money of merchandising.
Unfortunately, episode 3 delivers the first real stinker of the series with "All Hallows Eve," which is also directed by John Harrison. It's an annoying story about kids terrorizing a neighborhood on Halloween and it honestly isn't very exciting to watch, even if it does try to pay homage to some of the old EC Comics twists with its own. Thankfully, the second story (the oddly-named and very blunt "The Man in the Suitcase") is a real home run with how sinister and amusing it can be. It has enough of a good mixture of old and new horror elements to keep your interest throughout its short running time. Good stuff.
I'll likely finish the rest of Creepshow: The Series by the time that this year's marathon wraps up. So far, I'm enjoying it for the most part and would suggest getting Shudder (even if its only for a month) to check this bad boy out.
And despite some of the problems found in this series, it's still better than Creepshow 3.
Wait, I've never watched Creepshow 3.
Let's change that for the 19th day, shall we?
…………..I......just......man. Everyone warned me about Creepshow 3 and its lack of quality in every department, but I never listened. Overexaggerating tends to be a problem in the horror community, but this amount of negativity was warranted. By the time of this film's production, the rights to Creepshow belonged to Taurus Entertainment rather than Warner Bros, and they decided after staying silent for twenty years, the time was right to resurrect the Creeper and make a new horror anthology that could please old and new fans alike. They did not succeed. Perhaps the lack of involvement from anyone noteworthy from the previous flicks is to blame.
Lead story "Alice" is based around a bratty teenager whose entire life gets twisted around when her father comes into possession of a universal remote that does things like turn her family into a different race every time he tries to adjust the color setting on their television. She also begins melting every time something freaky happens (because of course she does). What could end up as a clever discussion on race relationships and how to treat one another ends up lacking anything interesting and just feels like a waste of time. It also has one of the most befuddling and nonsensical endings that I've seen in a number of years. "The Radio" stars A.J. Bowen of You're Next and The House of the Devil fame. He deserves far better than this tale of a guy who buys a new radio off of a street vendor that begins to have conversations with him and drives him to madness and murder. This had potential, but it just never quite hits the mark and feels like cinematic Nyquil at times. In the hands of better writers and directors, I feel like it could have worked as a segment in another horror anthology, but it doesn't feel like a Creepshow segment. "Call Girl" has Eileen Dietz of The Exorcist fame (she was the face of Pazuzu) in a brief cameo as a homeless woman. It certainly is nice to see her, but this story of a killer prostitute who has a bit of a problem with one of her clients is predictable, features effects that even the Asylum would shake their heads at (this is Spirit of Halloween-levels of cheapness), and again, feels like it doesn't belong in an anthology that bears the infamous name of Creepshow. Lame. The fourth segment, a.k.a. "The Professor's Wife," takes some influence from The Stepford Wives but tonally is an absolute mess and features some truly awful writing. Lousy. "Haunted Dog" is if you took "The Hitch-Hiker" from Creepshow 2 and removed anything memorable. It also goes on for what feels like a lifetime and by the time it's over, you may want to question your movie-watching choices like I did. Whack as fuck. I should mention that there's also a wraparound story (of sorts) with characters from each individual segment popping up in other people's own segments (ala Pulp Fiction or Sin City), but given how boring all of them are, you won't be able to muster anything other than deep, pained sighs.
On review aggregator Rottentomatoes.com, this film is sitting at a whopping ZERO PERCENT. Even by bad horror movie standards, that is extremely rare. And you know what? It absolutely deserves it. This was the first movie on this year's marathon to legitimately make me angry, and I'll be as nice as I can be here by saying that is will likely end up in the bottom ten of worst movies I've watched since beginning this journey back in 2011. It isn't enjoyable in any sense of the word, it's an insult to the two previous Creepshow movies, and lacks anything remotely charming, meaningful, or even fun. Even without the moniker, this would still stink. Don't waste your time on this one. Instead, seek out Tales from the Darkside: The Movie. Tom Savini has reportedly gone on record stating that the latter is the "real" Creepshow 3, and based on the quality of stories in the two pictures, I'm inclined to agree. Or better yet, go watch Mike Dougherty's awesome Trick 'r Treat for the first or tenth time.
Tomorrow, I need a cleanser. ANYTHING has to be an improvement over that last film.
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