Unseen Terror 2024: I Went to Italy Last Year (Days 26-28)

Did I mention that I went to (most of) Italy last year? If I did not, it’s because I’m relatively quiet on most social media sites. I swear I will upload the photos and videos from the whole trip sooner than later. Anyways, why am I mentioning this? Well, when we visited Rome, I was lucky enough to strongarm several family members into visiting “Profondo Rosso,” which is a hidden gem of a memorabilia store owned by famed Italian director Dario Argento. It’s an extremely cool place to peruse if you’re even remotely into horror, science fiction, or just popular culture that’s a bit too “odd” for most people. Plus, the basement contains a number of props from Argento’s pictures! Anyways, I just wanted to gush for a bit before we talk about a few films that I’ve never seen until this year (all of which hail from, well, Italy).

 

Inferno is a thematic and spiritual successor to Dario’s breakthrough masterpiece Suspiria, and it seems to have always been stuck in a weird spot between that flick and 1982’s impressive bloodbath known as Tenebre. It is the second installment in what the director has dubbed his “Three Mothers” trilogy (1977’s Suspiria is the first, 2007’s Mother of Tears is the third). Each one deals with a titular “mother” determined to rule the world while using powerful dark magic to eliminate anyone who would stand in their way. The plot has us following several characters, two of whom have taken interest in a strange book titled The Three Mothers, which tells of three evil sisters who would conquer all with sadness, tears, and darkness. When one of the main characters goes missing, their brother comes to New York City to investigate. That is about the easiest way to describe the plot to Inferno, because while I did find it to be an overall very enjoyable watch, it is a messier product than most of Argento’s other works from the 1970s and beyond. There is a strong insistence on killing newly introduced characters WAY too quickly (including longtime Argento collaborator Daria Nicolodi), and the final act feels a bit silly in spots. Still, much like most releases in the giallo genre, it is a beautiful film to look at and has style oozing out of every pore. There are some legitimately spooky moments throughout (in particular, an underwater swimming scene that I suspect must have been incredibly stressful to film) and some expectedly wicked and dastardly kills that while not as extravagant as those seen in the likes of Tenebre, Opera, or Deep Red, are still quite the sight to behold (cat lovers beware of one scene though). Surprisingly, longtime Argento collaborators and music composers Goblin are absent from Inferno’s soundtrack, with the director choosing noteworthy progressive rock musician Keith Emerson (of Emerson, Lake & Palmer) to compose the score. Reportedly, he wanted something different this time around so as to keep this feeling separate from Suspiria. I must admit that the bombastic and proto-symphonic metal “Mater Tenebrarum” is undeniably AWESOME, but the rest of the score is a real mixed bag or too chaotic for something that’s considerably toned down compared to this director’s other efforts.

 

It's far from Dario Argento’s best work, but despite it being a bit messy, Inferno is still a wonderfully weird 80s gem that should do quite well with fans of more supernatural-based horror flicks and with those looking to get into horror pictures from across the pond. I don’t plan on finishing the “Three Mothers” trilogy this year, but perhaps it could make the list next time. Unless we’re all dead by this time next year. That’s always a possibility.

 

 

 

 

 

When it comes to expressing my feelings on 1981’s Italian exploitation flick Cannibal Ferox (known as Make Them Die Slowly in the west), I feel as though Google Translate is the best way to sum it up: “Se ti rende felice, allora sono felice per te.” Nearly every time I’ve been recommended adding a picture from the “cannibal” subgenre of horror to my queue and/or Unseen Terror rough drafts, it usually results in massive disappointment, if not outright frustration. Occasionally I’ll discover a pleasant surprise such as Ravenous or Bone Tomahawk (though the latter’s classification is tenuous at best), but usually it matters not if your project is grimy or glossy; I just don’t vibe with them. I was hoping that perhaps in the wake of the genre’s most notorious release (the prior year’s infamous Cannibal Holocaust), rival filmmakers would have some sense of morality and try not to repeat some of the ghastly acts from years prior. I was an idiot to think such a thing would happen.

 

While a lot more straightforward than director Ruggero Deodado’s Cannibal Holocaust, writer/director Umberto Lenzi’s Cannibal Ferox is also pretty icky in its own right, but also just flatout badly made. For all of the disdain I have for Deodado’s flick, I’ll give it credit for being a better structured picture as a whole and helping to introduce the concept of “found footage” to the general public before most other movies did decades later. Ferox though? Well, its plot is significantly less interesting (a very dumb skeptic drags two friends with her to Colombia to prove that cannibalism is a myth. Things don’t go well) and it has these extremely jarring and quite frankly irritating cuts back to the states while our “heroes” are in peril on another continent. It disrupts the mood and forces you to also watch some horribly sexist and violent scenes towards women. When we’re back to Colombia, we bear witness to something that Ferox has in common with Holocaust, which is a bunch of real, on-screen animal killings. I have now seen two films with live turtle dismemberment, and that is two films too many. I know I might sound like a hypocrite considering that I am an omnivore but filming real animal mauling and killings for the sake of making your movie feel more “intense” or for “art” is scummy behavior. Hell, supporting actor Giovanni Lombardo Radice refused to participate in the killing of a wild pig on camera (with them using a double to complete the scene) and went on record expressing his disgust for even being in the flick itself. There’s also extraordinarily poor dubbing (not completely uncommon in Italian horror), but it is unbelievably bad here. If you were to take a shot for how many times someone calls a woman a “twat,” you would be dead before the halfway mark. Still, I suppose I CAN give Cannibal Ferox credit for two particularly good things: it has a shockingly good score (more pulsating and groovier than the moody, eerie one heard in Cannibal Holocaust), and the special effects & gore are solid. Still, two rights do not make up for several wrongs, and when your wrongs just feel so repugnant, I can’t fully recommend your movie to anyone other than a very niche audience. I don’t expect to be revisiting this one again unless I’m paid to.

 

 

I’ve been meaning to get more into the cinematic works of famed Italian maestro Mario Bava for quite some time. While I’ve only ever seen Black Sunday and Black Sabbath, both of those are quite grand and when I heard that his 1964 effort Blood and Black Lace is one of the earliest entries in the giallo genre (this + Bava’s prior effort The Girl Who Knew Too Much are considered to be the first two flicks in the genre as a whole), I knew I had to watch it before I leave this mortal coil. Besides, after the taste that Cannibal Ferox left in my mouth, something had to be done.

 

The plot concerns a series of brutal murders of a fashion house’s beauty models, all of whom seem to be the victim of a masked killer in search of a diary that contains unknown details and personal stories that the staff most likely don’t want revealed to the public. Mind you, that isn’t giving anything away about Blood and Black Lace’s overall story, but the picture goes into enough weird directions and feels slightly overstuffed with characters that I feel like it’s about as simple of a one that I could come up with. If I could describe this film in two simple words, it would be “visually sinister.” I’m always in amazement with what these kinds of movies back in the day could do with color palettes, as even with a more grounded and far less supernatural-based story, the contrast in visual tones makes the world in which this is set in feel otherworldly. How is it that directors from overseas manage to make you wonder how you see the color red so differently than you’ve seen in your entire life? What I’m trying to say is that Blood and Black Lace, despite being quite an old release, looks beautiful and better than a lot of bigger budget horror releases dumped into theaters by the likes of, say, Blumhouse. It’s also a decidedly nefarious flick; it obviously lacks the over-the-top imagery of future Italian horror filmmakers such as Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci, but this is still one hell of a mean movie. I felt so terrible for the actresses here, as their characters are just dealt the kind of punishment that I’m almost certain inspired future Western filmmakers in the genre and could make some 80s slashers take notes. Even in its quiet moments, Bava can instill a sense of dread in the viewer that leaves you morbidly curious for what could come about next. It’s so good that it almost makes you forget the strangely anticlimactic twist in its third act and how awkward some of the dubbing is (I’d personally love to track this down in its native language). Still, those are minor complaints about what I think is otherwise a solid movie.

 

 

If you have an appreciation for the genre and wish to expand your horizons in horror, give Blood and Black Lace a watch. There’s a reason why so many filmmakers (including Martin Scorsese!) have cited it as one of their absolute favorite pieces of cinema, with some even going so far as to pay homage to it in their own films. I don’t normally encourage this but pour yourself a glass of something classy like wine or McDonald’s Sprite and enjoy the ride. And if you find yourself in Rome, go hit up "Profondo Rosso." Tell them Ryan sent you. They don't know me, but it'll help boost my morale.

Unseen Terror 2024: Quack You Ryhan (Day 11)

It dawned on me while assembling this year’s marathon that for the day when I grew one year older, I had nearly run out of film choices to watch from 1985. I’ve covered nearly all the heavy hitters (most of which I adore). Hell, I could have just cheated and listed off my favorite “Treehouse of Horror” episodes instead, but that would require more time than I expected. So, I decided to go back to the well of a country whose contributions to scary cinema rarely disappoint me: Italy! Specifically, I wanted to watch something that had been in my queue for several years and that would make me squirm a bit. Thankfully Lucio Fulci’s 1982 cult favorite giallo The New York Ripper (originally titled Lo squartatore di New York) was there to welcome me with bloody arms.

 

The plot is your basic “detective looking for a serial killer” trope, but what helps separate this one from the pack is just the all-around weirdness, ugliness, and brutality of it all. When your movie opens with a man playing fetch with his golden retriever, only for his dog to ignorantly bring back a decomposing, severed hand, you know that this isn’t going to be a simple procedural or anything you’d see on CBS evenings. For starters, this movie is super sleazy and grimy. Admittedly, I haven’t been to New York City in more than twenty years, but this movie dives into the darker and more “sensuous” side of the big apple that I’m sure some people reading this may not want to admit exists. There ain’t no Broadway Musical highlighting, but apparently in the world of The New York Ripper, you can attend live sex shows. So, there’s that! The violence is also unrepentantly BRUTAL (as is usually the case with Fulci), with our titular killer brandishing only a switchblade and straight-razors. If you know anything about Lucio Fulci (whose other works include bangers such as The Beyond, Zombie, and City of the Living Dead just to name a few), then you know there is also bound to be some eyeball violence thrown into the mix too, so brace yourself for that. There's also a memorable sequence involving a broken bottle that can be best described as "something you don't see every day."

But while the slayings seen on screen will certainly stick in your mind for a very long time, it’s the very odd (if not slightly jarring) decision to have our titular slasher constantly quacking at their victims while harassing and ultimately eviscerating them. I couldn’t fully tell if that was meant to be genuinely intimidating or if it was meant to be a parody, but I suppose that if you put yourself in the shoes of the people being stalked, it can be a bit disorienting? Even after laying out my rough draft for this, I can’t fully tell whether to put this into my list of “positives” or “negatives,” because it is just so peculiar. One genuine complaint I DO have though is that while the film does manage to do a surprisingly good job at keeping you guessing as to who the killer is (even after a moment that makes it seem SUPER obvious), there is a twist in its final act that comes in from out of NOWHERE that had me audibly asking why that needed to be there. It just kind of blindsides you with unnecessary exposition.

 

 

Lucio Fulci is an “acquired” taste, and The New York Ripper isn’t really an exception to that. It’s gratuitous, mean, and unsavory. I also think you could make an argument that it’s slightly misogynistic too unfortunately (his other contemporaries like Dario Argento tended to write stronger female characters). Still, flaws and all, I really had a ball with this one. If you have the stomach for it and want a nice heap of some blood-soaked cheese, throw this into your queue. As of the time of this review, it’s currently available to stream on Shudder and Tubi!

Unseen Terror 2022: Catching the Hell Up

Sometimes I truly despise having to write. Whether that can be attributed to writer's block or lethargy I'm not sure. Still, here I am. Again. Thank you for your patience. Though I have certainly not been behind on the viewing portions of "Unseen Terror," having to log a lengthy review for every entry is sometimes grating considering that I usually come home physically and emotionally drained. Anyway, enough kvetching and moaning. Let's play "catch up," shall we?

DAY 7:

I had honest-to-Lemmy forgotten that there was a documentary out there about the rabid fanaticism for the Evil Dead franchise. Having previously reviewed documentaries about the likes of Pet Sematary and other properties, I had much higher hopes for the aptly titled Hail to the Deadites. Sadly, I really wish I could have liked this more than I did. There is some genuine love and heart to be found throughout its running time, but if you were to show this to a complete stranger (though I'm not sure who you would be able to convince to sit down and watch this without having seen a single frame of an Evil Dead flick), I imagine that their initial response would be something along the lines of "I don't get it." Worse yet is that it's shockingly boring and meandering at times. This wasn't necessarily bad, but it isn't what I would classify as a necessary viewing. Perhaps the most amusing part is how they dedicate an obscenely large amount of time to one quirky couple who met over a shared love for the films, then follow them as they prepare for their upcoming wedding. One year later, they divorced. Perhaps I'm rotten for laughing at that as hard as I did.

DAY 8:

DAY 9:

The yearly Goosebumps viewing commenced, and though I found "Vampire Breath" (pictured above) and "Calling All Creeps" to both be marginally entertaining in different ways (sadly I never read either of the books for these ones), I feel as though I'm picking scraps from the carcass that is this distinctly 90s television series from the frightening land known as Canada. The highlight comes from the former having an ending that is eerily reminiscent of a segment in The Simpsons' "Treehouse of Horror IV" episode. Whether that was intentional or not I haven't the faintest idea, but it made me chuckle, nonetheless.

DAY 10:

.....don't give me that look. I'm allowed to cheat once in a while. And besides, how can one turn down an offer to watch a Godzilla film wherein he fights a behemoth that is born from his initial demise in 1954? And that beast sports an aggregate form that resembles a giant, f'd up hybrid that looks like a gross combination of a Xenomorph (complete with a "mouth within a mouth") and a mutated crustacean? Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, the conclusion the Big G's second "era," is an entry that seems to have one foot in the door of the horror genre, as the plot revolves around a Godzilla that is, in layman's terms, overflowing with radioactivity to the point where he WILL experience a meltdown that can annihilate the entire planet (the tagline for its poster was "GODZILLA DIES" in case you doubted the severity of the situation). Perhaps one day I'll venture worth and do a revisiting of every single entry in this near seventy-year-old franchise. For now, I'll just say that you should sit down and find a way to experience every entry in what is dubbed the "Heisei" era. They all have a connecting story, some truly remarkable monsters, and grandiose scores.

DAY 11:

Y'know, considering all of the times that I've attempted to do something "themed" for the day of my birth (more often than not it's a picture released in 1985), it never dawned on me that the said-to-be underrated Happy Birthday to Me was sitting there right under my nose. Thankfully this bad boy popped up on Tubi (though with an AWFUL alternate cover) and it was about damn time that I viewed this oddity. Happy Birthday to Me, directed by the late J. Lee Thompson (of Cape Fear and Guns of Navarone fame) is more akin to a psychological thriller or "whodunit" mystery than a flat-out slasher picture, and I was pleasantly surprised by this revelation. The plot revolves around a small group of teenagers and their disappearances coinciding around the time of one of their birthdays. The cast of characters are written to be a bit on the snobby side, which does make a lot of sense considering that they all attend a rather prestigious academy, but the highlight and main focus of the picture is Virginia Wainwright (played excellently by Little House on the Prairie's Melissa Sue Anderson), who seems to have gone through some pretty traumatic stuff in her childhood that could lead you to believe that perhaps she is either a cold-blooded killer or a classic "red herring." The plot does become a bit confusing at certain points and I do wish that they had been able to shave off at least ten minutes' worth of running time, but this was such a delight. Check it out.

DAYS 12-13:

Man oh man, I feel like punching myself for having slept on Don Mancini's new Chucky series for USA & SyFy (which is thankfully streaming in its entirety on Peacock). If I haven't stated it before, the Child's Play franchise has grown into perhaps a top 5 favorite for me personally and watching the growth of series mainstay and mastermind Don Mancini (who save for the remake, has had direct involvement in every single installment in some way shape or form) has been quite grand. The show follows teenager Jake Wheeler as he comes into possession of the now infamous "Good Guy" doll, and we slowly watch as not only does Chucky begin to do what he does best, but we witness him attempt to manipulate all of those around him into becoming just as depraved and sick as he is. The cast is all quite excellent and seeing fan favorites like Jennifer Tilly and Fiona Dourif reprise their roles from prior movies is a treat. The kills are also quite grand. The first episode contains a sequence involving Chucky vomiting and causing an electrocution. Once that had finished, I knew I was on board. If you are seeking out something extremely entertaining to watch for the month, I highly recommend it. Now to begin Season 2...

DAY 14:

In all seriousness, I go into further details regarding my thoughts about this supposed "final" entry in the Halloween franchise (or at least, for this new trilogy) on the Jortscenter Podcast Feed. Yes, I am plugging the podcast that I do with my friends. This pile of slop is proving to be very divisive among fans and I can understand arguments on both sides of why they do/do not enjoy it. Without going into too many spoilers, I will say that overall, I was not a fan of what essentially feels like the "Poochie" entry in the Halloween series. It didn't aggravate me the same way that its predecessor Halloween Kills did, but that is very faint praise for what I felt was an extremely frustrating experience.

DAY 15: 

I'm still perplexed as to why this film (which also goes by the much more straightforward title of "Insect") has such a bizarre title. Regardless, it was about damn time I got the chance to log another "natural" horror flick for Unseen Terror. I truly do wish that there were more killer bug movies out there that had some semblance of a budget or care put into the finished product. Blue Monkey (directed by future Goosebumps television series regular William Fruet) is a hoot of a big bug flick that pays an equal amount of homage to Alien as it does your prototypical "outbreak" motion picture. The acting is surprisingly quite serious for such an absurdly, silly film, but that just adds to its charm. Set primarily inside of a hospital, Blue Monkey follows as a small group of doctors struggling to survive the sudden, violent emergence of a rather large insect that seems intent on picking them off (when it isn't focused on somehow being to able to breed through hermaphroditic means). I have to thank the wonderfully talented Dr. Rebekah McKendry for turning me on to this movie's existence a number of years ago via her excellent "All the Colors of the Dark" podcast. While I am unsure as to whether it has seen a proper Blu-Ray release or not, you can currently seek it out on YouTube.

Side note: please do the Jortscenter podcast Bekah. We're uh, cool I swear.

DAY 16:

For the first time in goodness knows how long, I have no earthly idea how to review an entry for "Unseen Terror." You might stare at the poster for Dogface: A Trap House Horror and assume it's likely to be low budget garbage that wishes it were as cool as something like say, Bones or Tales from the Hood. You would be oh, so wrong though. This movie.........is in a league of its own. I can't call this a good film by any stretch of the imagination, but oh boy is it a fascinating experiment in trying to make a flick that thinks it is deep or even coherent. I suppose the best way that I can describe Dogface would be if notorious filmmaker Neil Breen decided to make Jacob's Ladder. Even then, that is nowhere near the right comparison I can make. I truly hope we can discuss this on a future podcast, or that the good folks at Red Letter Media can bring more attention to its sheer and utter weirdness. Recommended only for those who are in the mood for something absolutely batshit crazy and nonsensical.

DAY 17:

Ah yes, here's the (mostly) yearly Stephen King pick. To be brutally honest with you, I had no familiarity with Quicksilver Highway's mere existence until planning this year's list. Once I saw that it adapted one of my favorite King shorts ("Chattery Teeth") and also contained a Clive Barker adaptation for its second story, I was fully on board though. Plus, it has the wonderful Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit) as a central character/narrator and it's directed by the marvelous Mick Garris, who directed Critters 2 and wrote Hocus Pocus. What could go wr----you know where I'm going with this, don't you?

Alas this one was just such a colossal disappointment, and I don't think I can fault the fact that this was originally pitched as a TV pilot. More so, I'd just say that these particular stories don't quite work on the big OR small screen (especially when the severed CGI hands in Barker's story "The Body Politic" look worse than the animation in the "Money for Nothing" music video). The acting is serviceable at best and while each story is certainly memorable, they aren't especially scary or creepy. Unless you're a completist for Barker and King, you can skip right over this one.

DAY 18:

FINALLY, we close out this blog entry with what will undoubtedly go down as a highlight for this year's marathon. I had been meaning to watch Dario Argento's rather infamous Opera for quite a while, and truth be told it was supposed to end up on not only last year's (cancelled) list, but the past two ones before it! Burnout be damned this time around though. Once I saw that this beauty ended up on both Shudder AND Tubi, I felt as there was no excuse to miss it now. Plus, I need a GOOD Italian picture to erase the stench of Zombi 4 and Zombi 5.

The plot for Opera follows a young soprano understudy named Betty who has taken on the role of "Lady Macbeth" in a rather extravagant production of "Verdi's Macbeth." Though she was not the initial choice, her mentor is battling an injury that will keep her on the sidelines. During opening night, a stagehand is mysteriously murdered by an unknown assailant. In no short order, Betty finds herself being stalked by a maniac who seems more content with forcing her to watch those around her who she cares for suffer horrible fates, rather than kill her outright. The primary method in which they enact this sort of torture on poor Betty is what you see on the poster above: they tape needles underneath her eyes, so that she is forced to watch any killing that occurs. It is downright chilling and extremely unnerving in a way that only a maestro like Argento can pull off (as are all of the kills this time around). The score, composed by longtime associate Claudio Simonetti (joined this time by both Brian Eno and Bill Wyman!) also kicks a ton of ass and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to find a copy of it on vinyl ASAP.

There are a few gripes that I had with Opera though. For starters, the plot does feel a bit jumbled in spots. I had legitimately forgotten there was a rather important aspect to Betty's background that they seemed to just kinda forget until the very end. The dubbing is also very questionable, but that's Giallo for ya I suppose. Finally, I do wish that they had shaved off at least a few minutes. Minor complaints though.

Not sure what else I can say here (and that's mostly because I'm very tired). Go watch Opera. It slaps y'all.

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 28

On a dark and stormy night, American ballet student Suzy Bannon arrives at an airport in Freiburg, Germany. She has made the trip over for the purpose of attending one of the finest dancing academies in the world, but as soon she arrives to the premises, something feels amiss. Kicking off with the gruesome murder of a student, bizarre and unusual events begin to occur, with each becoming progressively worse than the last. Suzy also begins to experience visions and heavy dizziness during practices, with all of the teachers brushing it aside as nothing to be concerned with. Along with her other schoolmates, Suzy slowly starts to snoop around for answers, but what they unearth may be beyond even their understanding, and has a shocking, potentially supernatural history that spans several centuries. 



Well, this one will be rather hard to top.


While assembling the running order for this year's Unseen Terror, I had noticed something egregious and quite puzzling: I had never seen 1977's grandiose giallo triumph Suspiria. For as much as I have memorized its beloved soundtrack, my precious eyes had never been exposed to what many people call their personal favorite of Italian director Dario Argento's entire filmography. When news broke to me of a 4K restoration of the movie coming to select cinemas during the month of Halloween, I knew that finally adding it to my "watch" list was vital and of the utmost importance. After sitting through its one hundred-minute running time, I can't really be surprised by the praise that it is still showered with.


Suspiria's most memorable traits arguably come from its imagery and cinematography. As one of the very last pictures to utilize true technicolor, Argento and his crew take you on a ride that feels like entering a haunted house while on ecstasy. The murders seen throughout are gruesome, but they are shot in such a way that they feel like you're watching a well-known artist at the top of his game. It's the type of filmmaking and work that should be studied in classes that specialize in, or at least discuss the scarier side of cinema. This impressive technique is made all the more splendid if you ever get the chance to catch this newly restored print that has been touring the country, as the already eye-catching and shocking palettes are highlighted in a way that even someone such as myself can not properly describe. It makes Suspiria feel ten years younger, and aids the entire experience with leaving you feeling as if one is stuck in a never-ending nightmare (the performance of actress Jessica Harper as Suzy Bannon only accentuates the paranoia amongst our female leads). I was quite surprised by how alert and varied her facial expressions are: she looks constantly disturbed by her environment and the ensuing chaos that begins to build. Excluding Alida Valli and Joan Bennett, who play two of the school's superiors, a lot of the cast is overdubbed, but despite that pet peeve of mine, there is great effort put into the performers' physical actions and aspects. Keep an eye out for a much younger Udo Kier (Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Shadow of the Vampire) as a psychologist who has a fair share of information to pass along to Suzy.


Like in Argento's prior motion picture, Suspiria isn't afraid to get down and dirty with the offing of several key players. If Profondo Rosso was Argento's "Black Sabbath," then this is his "Paranoid." The hits (pun intended?) are equally as extravagant as its predecessor, but lengthier in their agony. Perhaps the film's most memorable segment comes from a struggle between school student Pat Hingle (I can hear my NC friends all going "huh?" at the same exact time) and an unseen killer, which results in a painful and stunning death that just drips cool. Many instances of hair-raising moments are spread throughout, thankfully not suffocating the audience with a constant barrage of killings ala slasher pictures, but are carefully crafted and timed to keep the intrigue level high and the fear intact. Another driving force behind these pieces is the pulsating, haunting score by Goblin, who craft a majestic theme that plays in parts during a myriad of times in Suspiria, but never grows old. These compositions and events combine to create a finale that while certainly productive, does admittedly feel somewhat abrupt right before the end credits hit. Then again, this was also present in Profondo Rosso, so I can't really count that as a true complaint, especially when the buildup is so well shot.


Perhaps it's the late hours, or maybe I'm just too much in awe of what I just witnessed, but I don't feel as if I can add much more to the collective opinion of Suspiria's fans. It's a vibrant, suspenseful, and morbidly magical picture that needs to be an essential in every horror movie fan's collection, or for those seeking out extraordinarily unique works of screen art. Sadly, trying to purchase any copy of the flick on DVD or Blu-ray will cost you more money than expected, but fret not! Currently, cult video experts Synapse Films will be releasing this version in a gorgeous-looking Steelbook. Like other recent releases such as Phenomena and Popcorn, interested parties will just have to wait for several months afterwards in order to get a traditional Blu-ray.



But man oh man, that $49.95 price tag just might be worth it.




Tomorrow, come back for a movie! Probably a frightening one too!

Unseen Terror 2017: Day 25

Famed psychic Helga Ulmann is holding a lecture for a small gathering of interested onlookers, but in the middle of demonstrating her abilities, she senses and calls out an unknown, malevolent force in the audience. Later that evening, musician Marcus Daly walks home and witnesses Helga, who happens to be his neighbor, being brutally assaulted by a mysterious, trenchcoat-wearing assailant. Though he is too late to stop the madman from ending her life, he notices a number of clues beginning to pop up after the police arrive at the scene of the crime. It doesn't take long for this killer to strike again though, which leads to Marcus deciding to team with reporter Gianna Brezzi, and the two begin to find themselves fending for their own lives while attempting to solve these unusually violent crimes.



Last year, I managed to obtain a copy of Italian giant Dario Argento's fantastic gem Phenomena. It resulted in a review that I'm still rather proud of, and the film was easily in the top three of last year's Unseen Terror marathon. But there was something that I feel was glossed over, or worse yet, straight up forgotten about during my writings: it was my very first full-length feature that I had ever seen from the legendary director. This was a shock to not only myself, but to the few others that I regularly discuss horror with, especially since at this age, there was no excuse to wait this long. So, I figured that the need to travel back and start from the (near) beginning was a wise move. Thus, Blue Underground's copy of Profondo Rosso (a.k.a. Deep Red) found its way into my hands, and I knew that we were good to go.


To my surprise, Profondo Rosso plays out more like a murder mystery than a straight up supernatural-based horror flick such as Phenomena. This almost became an obstacle for me, but I warmed up rather quickly since it would just be plain silly to dismiss an Argento film because of something so banal. Plus, there hasn't been a single Italian entry that didn't try and incorporate elements of something related to, but not necessarily contained within horror into the genre itself (even Monster Dog attempted to throw in a lycanthropic twist towards its conclusion). That did not stop me from being a bit irked though when it came to some very small details: the movie moves a tiny bit slower than I expected it to, though I've heard that such an issue is only present in the unrated cut (which I watched) and not the theatrical one. The plot can also become a bit jumbled if you aren't dedicating your undivided attention to the project. These may just be personal nitpickings of mine, but I suspect that I won't be the only newcomer who experiences these same issues, even if they are miniscule and could likely be eliminated with repeated screenings.


With those minor complaints out of the way, we can get to the meat and potatoes of what makes this Giallo production so darn good. Dario Argento is an absolute master of setting up murders in his pictures, and the ones seen throughout Profondo Rosso are some of the more devastating-looking ones seen so far during this year's iteration of thirty-one films in thirty-one days. One particular standout moment comes in the form of a person being drowned in scalding hot bathtub water. It's very simple, but agonizingly great in its execution. There are more than a few segments and thrilling events which will elicit a quick "OH!" response from fully invested viewers and even hardened veterans similar to myself. To say that the Italians are professionals at making death look glamourous would be a massive understatement. Something that is also immediately noticeable about Profondo Rosso once it starts up is the score, which is once again provided by instrumental progressive rockers Goblin. It's arguably the best soundtrack that the group has ever provided for an entire motion picture, with the brilliant use of keyboards and synthesizers just oozing cool and emitting this real sense of dread. Making the audience feel slightly claustrophobic and as if we could be going insane ourselves is no easy task. It's coupled together with some wisely done cinematography, which comes courtesy of the late Luigi Kuveiller. The film looks gorgeous, and with smart camerawork we feel as though we're occasionally stuck in a dream (an eerily similar vibe also spotted in Phenomena). Our lead actors also play their characters well enough that they have the same amount of genuine intrigue as you do, especially David Hemmings (Blowup), who despite spouting off some pretty dated-sounding sexist lines, is easy to identify with. Daria Nicolodi, a.ka. the future Mrs. Argento (and eventual mother to the vexing Asia) is extremely charismatic and spunky, making her presence a welcome addition to keep it from being nothing but constant brooding. It's a little strange seeing her and the other members of the cast casually go back and forth between speaking Italian and English both in the same conversation for reasons that aren't fully explained, but as I said in my review of Del Toro's Cronos, if Star Wars can get away with it, then by Lemmy others should be able to as well.


Seeing as how I am still somewhat of an Argento newbie, I am hesitant to call Profondo Rosso the man's masterpiece as many before have proclaimed. Hell, I haven't even gotten to any of his other more well-known movies (yet). But it is a very well-crafted piece of art that certainly stands out in a crowd full of much simpler, safer cinematic releases. Currently, there are multiple ways for one to purchase this Italian production, including several DVD releases and a couple of Blu-rays here and there. I'd advise picking it up before someone in Hollywood decides to remake it for no reason whatsoever.



Besides, eliminating a great composition such as this for something by say, Black Veil Brides?

Yeah, that would earn you a paddlin'.




Tomorrow? Well, I'm not quite sure what we're doing. Unless I become sick, the option of attending a Gwar show in Baltimore is highly likely. Because of that, we're either going for a revisit involving an otherworldly girl and circular objects, or heading to Poland to check out some mermaids. Stay tuned to see which one it is!