I'm choosing to fill a small part of the gray area in my life with random reviews from the realms of cinema, music, and more things that are generally looked down upon by society. And you've chosen to read them apparently.
For last year's Unseen Terror, I kicked it off with 1980's rather infamous and influential slasher Prom Night. Several weeks afterwards, I dove right into what was to be the first in a line of sequels. Much to my surprise, I found Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II to be rather enjoyable, if not a bit standard. Heck, if I'm allowed my first "Bold Horror Statement" for the 2018 iteration of this blog-o-thon, it would be that I prefer that picture to the original. Initially, I was just going to let sleeping corpses lie, but when I discovered that Prom Night III: The Last Kiss was available for free on the addicting dumpster fire known as YouTube (and that the quality wasn't complete garbage), I had to dive right in.
Unbeknownst to me, the third entry is a continuation of the story found in Hello Mary Lou, as it concerns the titular, undead prom queen, this time portrayed by new actress Courtney Taylor, returning to the world of the living yet again. Unlike before, when she escapes hell, she arrives on Earth with no particular motive other than wanting to kill people and occasionally get in the pants of a high schooler named Alex (played by Party of Five part-timer Tim Conlon). He is the very definition of the "Average Joe," as he doesn't excel at any subject in particular, dreams of working in a field that he is likely not qualified for, and is having difficulties with his girlfriend (Cynthia Preston). When Mary Lou comes into his life, she magically causes everything to become wonderful, but insists that he has to clean up any "damage" that she causes on the side. Sooner than later, the faculty body count starts to rise just as high as Alex's grades do.
In stark contrast to the first flick, Prom Night III closely resembles a parody of the slasher genre that was so huge at the time, and features a HEAVY emphasis on the comedic aspect of the "horror-comedy" tag. Sure, the second film had its funny moments here and there, but it was played relatively straight for most of its running time. I wasn't shocked to find out that just like its predecessor, the writers had no intention of this ever being connected to the Prom Night universe, but it appears as though that was changed to potentially make it more sellable to moviegoers. In some regards it works, but tonally this thing can't quite seem to make up its mind. The few moments of gruesome deaths that are to be found are certainly gory, but nothing this time around feels particularly scary, and the humor that's provided for the actors to deliver isn't good either. Comprised of the easiest and cheapest of jokes (i.e. fat people eat a lot, women who work out have to be manly, etc.), it feels like something that would better fit a bad early-90s Fox Network sitcom.
On the plus side, the two leads are exceptionally entertaining. Alex may not go down in the books as one of the slasher genre's all-time great heroes, but he's easy to sympathize with and Conlon gives him a sort of naïve, yet endearing attitude. As mentioned above, we also have a new Mary Lou, and while I mean no disrespect towards the previous actresses who played her in Prom Night II, Courtney Taylor might be the perfect choice for the character. The decision to transform this villain into essentially a sultry, slightly crazed female version of Freddy Krueger (complete with puns) does come across as pandering to the mainstream audiences, but she's having so much fun with the role that it's hard to truly get mad. She's also striking to look at (note: she's a dead ringer for Twin Peaks' Sherilyn Fenn!), so I'm certain that such an attribute could be beneficial for the more superficial folks watching these type of pictures.
Prom Night III: The Last Kiss is a bit on the messy side, but it's a surprisingly watchable sequel. What it might lack in uniqueness, it tries to make up for with some fun kills and entertaining performances from the aforementioned cast. It helps to keep it from ever being boring, which I'd argue is worse than being a straight-up awful or forgettable flick. If I'm allowed to make one more comparison, this franchise's spiral into unabashed silliness is very similar to what happened with Sleepaway Camp: start with a fairly serious film, then get progressively wackier with each follow-up. If you don't mind paying a pretty penny, you can grab this one alongside the next entry (which may or may not be coming soon) on DVD.
Tomorrow, I'll hopefully be well-rested, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I don't fall behind in my reviewing habits!
Ahhh, I suppose it's time to watch something new that should lift my spirits. Outside of one very odd Frank Henenlotter piece, I don't think I've watched any "true" horror-comedies for this year's marathon. So, per the recommendation of various sources, I say let's kick off the twentieth day with a bang!
Well then.
Sure, this isn't the first blunder that I've made while I was assembling a list for Unseen Terror. And you can make an argument that this project in question can technically qualify as a "zombie" movie, or even a take on the storyline found in The Wasp Woman. At the end of the day though, Robert Zemeckis' 1992 hit Death Becomes Her barely sports any sort of ties to the horror genre. It's too late to turn back now though, so let's get on with this review. The plot revolves around a pair of female rivals named Madeline (Meryl Streep), who is an egotistical, conniving actress and Helen (Goldie Hawn), an aspiring writer whose career has yet to take off. Several years ago, the former effectively helped ruin the latter's life by not only taking her fiancé (played by Bruce Willis), but driving her to obesity and utter insanity. After spending time in a mental ward, Helen feigns rehabilitation, and she finds herself released on good behavior, though she is obviously plotting revenge on the woman who stole everything from her. Madeline, whose marriage and acting career have certainly seen better days, attends a book release party thrown by Helen, and is shocked to find that she looks as youthful and gorgeous as she did back when they first met. Dumbfounded, she digs around to discover the secret behind this, and eventually comes into contact with a woman (Blue Velvet's Isabella Rossellini) who offers her a "youth" potion that will promise her everlasting beauty. Unbeknownst to both Madeline and Helen though, are the very morbid consequences that come with drinking this magical concoction.
First off, I don't feel like it's terribly necessary to discuss just how good our two female leads are. Streep in particular is just so damn good at adapting to whatever genre you ask her to take part in (how she hasn't done something like a dark, psychological horror piece yet is beyond me), and Hawn just has naturally great comedic timing, body language, and delivery with every little quip or jab she's been given. Perhaps who took me by surprise the most was a man whose body of work over the past several years has been so lousy that it made me forget just how solid he used to be: Bruce f'n Willis. As we watch Madeline and Helen descend into madness, you begin to realize that he's one of the only halfway decent human beings that is left in the horribly strange world found in Death Becomes Her. A former plastic surgeon who has been reduced to being a mere mortician due to his alcoholism and frustrating marriage, it's hard not to feel for the guy when you see that nobody really cares for his wellbeing, but rather strive for his gifted hands.
Beyond the acting, Death Becomes Her contains great makeup work, and some very solid, award-winning (though slightly dated) visual effects. A particular sequence involving Streep and what happens with her body after she has been pushed down a long flight of stairs looks pretty great, as does one scene involving Hawn and a "hole" of hers. Both are likely to elicit some great laughs from those who have a pretty sick sense of humor. Most of the flick's first and second act are peppered with some great, darkly comedic moments that work so well because of the talented cast, but it does feel like some steam is lost during the third. Don't get me wrong, the final twenty-or-so minutes of this Zemeckis vehicle aren't bad per se, but they're predictable and a bit clunky. Luckily, the bits at the very end are undoubtedly some of the aspects that will stick with you long after the credits have rolled.
Is this one a horror-comedy? Is it just a dark fantasy with a wicked, twisted sense of humor? Well, whatever you prefer to call Death Becomes Her, it's quite the entertaining ride. I firmly believe that unless you are absolutely anti-Hollywood, there's quite a bit of material to enjoy here. As of this time, this early 90s fan favorite can be watched on Starz-On-Demand, and Scream! Factory released it on what is reported to be a pristine-looking Blu-Ray. Give this one a whirl.
Well, I figured that for the following day, I must atone for this potential mistake. So, per a quick perusing around the internet, I settled on a newer, and what some call a "proper" horror-comedy.
For the past several months, it appeared as though the trailer for Slice, the feature-length debut from writer/director Austin Vesely, was THE talk of the town in the horror community. Me though? I just never got around to watching it due to laziness on my part. Because of that, I went into this motion picture completely blind with no expectations whatsoever. The very first thing that I contemplated after finishing Slice was turning Death Becomes Her back on. After that, it was popping my Blu-Ray of Brain Damage back into my disc drive. After THAT, I sincerely debated just waiting to review this for something akin to a "rest of the bunch" post later on. But rather than delay, I'll just get this one out of the way.
The story of Slice is a bit of a messy one. In essence, it's a murder mystery centered around pizza delivery drivers being slaughtered, with one of the victim's ex-girlfriend (Zazie Beetz of Deadpool 2) pushing forward in her investigation, and a slew of accusations being thrown at various culprits, including lycanthropes, drug peddlers, and ghosts. Perhaps a disgraced ex-Chinese takeout worker (who also happens to be a werewolf) has something to do with the whole ordeal though. So, yeah. That sure sounds like a wacky, almost cartoonish premise does it not? Well, despite sporting some fairly original ideas, Slice does feel like the classic example of style over substance. And yet, even the "style" aspect isn't particularly good either. Quirks like having the recently-deceased constantly hanging around people at all times like it's not a big deal are clever, but we've seen this same thing done in better movies over the past few decades.
What really brings Slice down several notches is just how much good material could have come from everything that we see on screen. Zazie Beetz proved that she can be pretty damn funny and commanding this past summer as Domino, but her character's personality traits are seemingly limited to being irritable and "I'm out for revenge." Performers such as Paul Scheer and Chris Parnell are comedians that we should treasure and never waste, and they damn sure try their best with the lines that they're delivering. Hell, even Chance the Rapper, making his film debut here shows a lot of promise. What it all boils down to here is the source material (a.k.a. the script) being utterly lousy. Very few, if any of the jokes land and most are structured the same way that a "laugh track" TV comedy show is. The horror aspects don't feel particularly scary, or come close to anything resembling even mild tension. Worst of all, the entire experience just feels far more boring than something with this much talent ever should. On more than a few occasions, I thought that this could do much better as a television series. In the hands of someone with far more experience and a little supervision, the sheer absurdity and hidden metaphors that they try to insert into its running time could work wonders instead of stumble around.
While I have to give Slice points for originality, the film as a whole just feels like wasted potential. I'm sure that the late night stoner audiences will bolster this picture's legacy a smidge, but for me, it's a shockingly dull miss from a company that is usually very reliable when it comes to quality releases (still love you though A24). I'm going to be legitimately shocked if I remember much of anything about this one when Halloween comes around next week. Still, if you want to give this one a try and join in any future discussions about it, Slice is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.
Tomorrow, I feel the need to spice things up. Let's see what some "Vinegar" can do....
Anyway, this is going to be a bit of a quick one because of the fact that I have to work in a few hours. Plus, with a premise like this one, does it need a lengthy review?
Young couple Steve and Eileen move to a small apartment in New York, and despite the fact that their new abode is far from ideal, it's probably the most affordable one that they can find in early 90s pictures. The only appealing aspect to the place seems to be the refrigerator that immediately catches Steve's eye. Over time, the two begin to realize that there's something a bit off about the household appliance, and it's eventually discovered that not only is the fridge seemingly sentient and prone to murder, but also serves as a gateway to hell itself. So yeah, The Refrigerator.…...suffice to say, this won't be winning any major awards any time soon. Hell, the damn thing isn't even out on DVD (this was another bootleg purchase from Monster Mania). I knew what I was getting into with this early 90s straight-to-video turd. And yet, to my surprise, there's a tiny little part of me that enjoyed this more than I thought I would.
Anyway, despite advertising itself as a ridiculous, gory horror-comedy (at least if you're going by the premise and tagline of "No Survivors. Only Leftovers."), there's more supernatural shenanigans going on in The Refrigerator than one would expect. Its evil influence starts to rub off on Steve, who begins to see miniaturized human beings whenever he opens it and looks inside, and exhibits more aggressive, snappy behavior than usual. Female lead Eileen (played by Heather Graham-lookalike Julia McNeal) has dreams that she's being tied down for a ritualistic sacrifice, with the titular creation "looking" at her, and has visions of fetuses. Oh, and the refrigerator itself frequently leaks what appears to be blood onto the floor, and has a tendency to lunge at and corner people like a mad dog would. This fucking film man.
All of this leads me to the absolute highlight of this fecal waterslide: Juan the Plumber, played to absolute perfection by Angel Caban. Despite looking more like a motorcycle enthusiast than a repairman, he is just marvelously entertaining. Most of the cast in The Refrigerator seem to be well aware that they're in a completely dense horror-comedy, but you can just tell that he's taking the role that he signed on for (assuming he wasn't blackmailed) and going full camp. How this actor didn't receive some additional work, even in other 'B' movies is beyond me. Julia McNeal is a hoot too, but she can't seem to decide whether to try and be serious (the dialogue between her and either her mom or husband is very strait-laced) or to just give up and go with the flow.
Unfortunately, what brings The Refrigerator down quite a bit is how lacking it is in the "kills" department. Again, you have clearly marketed your motion picture as a ridiculous release (that borders on parody) about an appliance that horribly maims and slaughters people, but during its brief running time, there are barely any bodies that are disposed of. I kept thinking to myself that most of its nastier moments were being saved for the final ten minutes, because I've had quite a few experiences during the years of doing this marathon where that's been the case. And yes, the final moments of The Refrigerator are admittedly zany, and give off some Maximum Overdrive vibes, but making the viewer sit through all of the unnecessary melodrama and moments with a gypsy who seems to love spouting statements that she got from fortune cookies makes you question if all of this was worth it.
This is undoubtedly a piece of garbage, and the fact that it hasn't seen a release on any sort of disc format speaks volumes about its quality as a film. Still, The Refrigerator does have its moments of self-aware absurdness that occasionally leads to funny, bloody results. Fans of entertainingly shitty cinema might want to track this one down and grab their friends (along with a few six packs) for a fun movie night, though I'd say that if you search for a bootleg like I did, don't spend too much money on it.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna be at work for a rather long day, but any stress or pain can always be relieved by a trip to Japan!
If you've ever visited this blog during my yearly marathons, you'll know that I have a few requirements (other than the obvious "never seen" aspect). There's stuff like watch one anthology, watch a Kaiju flick, and watch a foreign film to name a few. After finishing 1988's Brain Damage, which is the sophomore effort from Basket Case director Frank Henenlotter, I've started to believe that there's one additional requirement: view at least one motion picture that will just leave you feeling slightly unclean, yet will set the stakes rather high for other movies to follow during that October. In 2015, From Beyondtook the cake. One year later, it was Street Trash. Last year, it was Brian Yuzna'sSociety. For my eighth year, this story of an average joe named Brian who wakes up one day to discover a talking parasite on his neck that can inject hallucinogenic liquids into his brain (but requires brains to satiate its own hunger) takes the cake. Because man oh man, while I'm certain that more technically proficient pictures will appear here on later dates, nothing can top this in terms of sheer weirdness and manic entertainment.
First and foremost, Brain Damage feels very dirty. While this depiction of New York City doesn't feel as gross as what was seen in Henenlotter's previous film, there is a very seedy underbelly on display, which is kind of perfect for a concept such as this. Everything feels slightly unconventional and off-kilter, so much so that things don't exactly unwrap the way that you may expect them to. It lends a very punk rock attitude to its running time, and that isn't just due to one sequence of a very high Brian heading to a rock club, or spotting posters for The Cramps, Bauhaus, and Slayer in his room. It's a very nice surprise and helps keep Brain Damage fresh for most of its running time. The obvious metaphors for drug usage and dependency are out there in the open, though there's nowhere near as much subtlety about it as there are in other major releases. Would people with problems such as heroin or cocaine addiction really even bat an eye at someone with a brain-eating parasite, or would they just wonder to themselves about how they can get one of their own?
On the human side of things, the cast makes the best of some admittedly cheesy dialogue. Lead performer Rick Hearst puts far more heart into his performance than most others in this field likely would. You feel for the guy, and even sympathize with him when he begins to go through withdrawal. But as one would hope, the real standout performance comes from the inhuman creature named "Aylmer," voiced to absolute perfection by beloved horror television host John Zacherle. Unlike most similar organisms, Aylmer is undeniably charming and quite well-spoken. He can hold a conversation without losing his cool, and even comes across as the best friend or "dealer" that you could ever hope for. Over time, those layers are peeled away and you see that despite his appearance, he is quite cruel and has earned his right to be called a "monster" by modern day fans. Through the use of good puppetry and camera trickery, he seems like something that you could legitimately encounter in the darkest parts of the city. He also takes part in what will EASILY be the top death of any flick featured in this year's Unseen Terror, but I won't spoil anything about that moment other than it made me clap my hands due to its pure insanity.
I don't know how much more I can sell Brain Damage to those of you who have yet to witness its magic. It's such an oddball picture, with wild death sequences, a wicked sense of humor, trippy visuals, and most surprisingly of all, a large amount of fascination that keeps your eyes glued to the screen. Perhaps my only complaint is that it is a tad bit too short, and that the ending feels abrupt, but hot damn those are SMALL gripes. If you're new to Henenlotter's filmography, this is just as good of a place to start (though if you skip Basket Case, you may not find as much amusement with a particular cameo that occurs in the third act). If you're still curious and haven't clicked the "x" button on your browser by now, there's a packed Blu-ray out there for purchase from Arrow Video. Much like their release of The Hills Have Eyes, this bad boy is CRAMMED with special features, including a great commentary track from the director himself, tons of "making of" and behind the scenes featurettes, and even an interview with arguably the biggest fan of the flick that you'll ever meet.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have some wonderful dreams of my own that may or may not be courtesy of a tiny friend.
……..it's Nyquil in case you're wondering. I'm not crazy enough to seek out brains to consume (anymore).
Tomorrow, I feel the need to possibly come down off of my trip, so let's see what nighttime slashers are out there to help me kick this habit...
When it comes to having the ability to stream horror flicks in 2017, the option to easily browse and find gems from every decade is dissipating at an alarmingly quick rate. Yes, sites such as Shudder and Frightpix are specifically catered to horror fanatics, but they are very niche and unfortunately not as in-demand as they should be. Services such as Netflix and the like do have a lot of great original content at their disposal too (spoilers: there may be no entry for the blog during the day that season 2 of Stranger Things drops), but when it comes to the scarier side of things, people such as myself are being left in the dark. Thankfully, the past two days' entries are solid enough to warrant keeping your subscriptions for just a tad bit longer.
Also, it's late and I have to work an overnight reset shift for two days in a row. So, this may be shorter than normal.
As evidenced with last year's righteous-as-fuck Black Roses, heavy metal and horror go together like chocolate and peanut butter. Heck, listening to the self-titled song from Black Sabbath's debut album is enough evidence that the two may have always been meant for one another from the very start. My familiarity with The Devil's Candy was nonexistent, but once I hit play and I noticed that the father in the family was wearing shirts for drone experts Sunn O))) and once-thrashed giants Metallica, I suspected that the movie would have to do a hell of a lot to lose me. I also noticed during a very quick glance at my phone that this was also the sophomore effort from Australian filmmaker Sean Byrne, who was the brain behind the vastly-underrated 2009 release The Loved Ones. So, everything was coming up Milhouse.
Thankfully, The Devil's Candy delivers on a promising concept (a family of three metal-loving individuals moves into a supposedly cursed house and the father begins to experience dark visions and yearnings once he starts painting a portrait in the garage) by offering up the same uncomfortable moments as its director's previous effort, though in much slower builds than expected. Kudos to Sarah Dowling (Mud), who as the head of the casting department, has a keen eye for picking the best performers possible for as strange, smaller budget picture as this one. You've got Shiri Appleby (Roswell, Charlie Wilson's War) and Ethan Embry (Vegas Vacation, The Walking Dead) as the young parents, and their chemistry feels incredibly authentic. There's such an earnest, real-time vibe that you get from watching these two mingle with not just their respective partner, but with their daughter Zooey, who is played by the very promising Kiara Glasco. She is reminiscent of the very best of what we were able to witness in Satanic-leaning pictures of yesteryear, and I am incredibly anxious to see what other projects she has lined up in the future. The real standout in The Devil's Candy ends up being the perplexingly-creepy Pruitt Taylor Vince (Otis of The Walking Dead fame), who while appearing to be nothing more than a confused, mentally unstable man that has connections to their abode, ends up giving into his sinister urges and turns into a truly terrifying antagonist that makes you groan out of fear every time that he gets the chance to interact with our poor heroes. His performance alone helps drive up the fear factor, especially when you consider that he isn't some supernatural being (or is he?), but just a fragile victim of his own sort.
All posters for the flick, despite looking rather eye-catching, are quite deceptive. Byrne's piece is riddled with violence, but none is particularly evident, blatantly in your face, or debatably essential until its final twenty minutes. But my goodness, does that finale deliver an absolute punch to the heart and keep you glued to your seat. In some ways, it shares a lot with the products of American writer/directors such as Ti West (The House of the Devil, The Sacrament), who have always felt that packing enough tension and dread is all worth it when you are able to deliver a conclusion that chills you to the core and sticks to your bones. Some might have minor complaints that it goes into the territory of the somewhat absurd by having one or two characters do something completely out of the ordinary, but I never felt that such a thing would immensely bother me.
With my disappointment of The Void out of the way, seeing something like The Devil's Candy brought my spirits back up, even if it took a lot of morbidity to do so. It exposes you to a lot of promising new talents, be they in front of the camera or not, has some genuinely creepy moments, and as I stated above, a terrific wrap-up. As of this writing, director Sean Byrne's second jump into the horror realm is available for streaming on Netflix, and can easily be purchased on Blu-ray from most retail establishments.
Hell, my only negative may have been in the form of suspecting that Embry and Glasco's characters didn't possess more than four band t-shirts. Hit me up sometime guys! I have a lot to spare!
I won't beat around the bush here: I am not a fan of McG. Though I can't claim to know a great deal about the man himself, he has yet to make a motion picture that I've enjoyed, and always felt like he was trying to ape other Hollywood giants such as Michael Bay (insert Nancy Kerrigan "WHY?" clip). That being said, I'm firmly in the camp of thinking that every person deserves chances until they can finally win me over. After all, it took me nearly ten years to finally come around to James Wan, who I now firmly respect and would even have a pint or two with. So when I saw Netflix's original movie The Babysitter pop up in my suggestions feed, I was slightly hesitant to press play. My original choice for the day was set to be a German flick from the 1970s that dealt with a serial killer who preyed on (and ate) young boys, so would choosing an American production about a twelve-year-old's longtime caregiver suddenly being discovered as a member of an evil cult over something that would most likely be banned in today's world be a wise one?
Well, I don't suppose that the old statement of apples and oranges is entirely untrue here. In fact, The Babysitter may only share slight similarities with every aforementioned movie today in Satanic roots only, as what McG and writer Brian Duffield have delivered is a pretty darn entertaining horror-comedy that can serve as a tasty side dish to anyone who is looking for something to turn the "coming-of-age" subgenre on its head; acting as The Girl Next Door with a much more demonic twist. Our young hero Cole (Judah Lewis) has pretty much everything working against him in this world, save for his kickass babysitter Bee (Ash vs Evil Dead's Samara Weaving), who sticks up for him and seems like the best older friend that a kid could only dream of having. She's into the same stuff he is, often geeking out with him over several subjects, and even letting him drink alcohol when his parents aren't home. The chemistry between these two is so infectious, which makes it all the more depressing when he makes the shocking discovery of what she's secretly been doing after he falls asleep. After we witness Bee and her classmates brutally murder a hapless teenager in the house and drain his blood, you just want to win her back to the side of good. Several stars of the McG-produced film The Duff also show up, including Bella Thorne (Big Love, Boo! A Madea Halloween) and Robbie Amell (The Flash). They're basically playing incredibly-exaggerated clichés, but they provide some authentic laughs in its second half.
Regrettably, not everyone's dialogue delivers, especially Vine celebrity Andrew Bachelor, who just seemed to be written as nothing but the loud, obnoxious African American stereotype that I grew tired of long ago. With awesome pictures like Get Out helping to break down those walls, why even go for this anymore? The erratic screenplay does bring The Babysitter down a peg in terms of sheer enjoyment, but considering that I recently sat through garbage like Wrestlemaniac, I'm willing to cut it some slack. It also does portray its antagonists as some of the most clumsy, if not unlucky scoundrels that I've seen so far in this year's Unseen Terror, especially for a horror-comedy. Shit, even the women in Hausuwere more competent than some of these students. There's also a fairly silly subplot involving Cole's feud with a neighborhood bully that doesn't really feel necessary, and when they attempt to do something with the two during its third act, it just kind of falls flat on its face.
Occasionally wonky writing and sheer ridiculousness don't sink The Babysitter though, and it does end up mostly hitting the mark. Viewing this back-to-back with something like say, 2007's The Murder Party wouldn't be a particularly bad plan. It's delightfully dumb, but also very earnest. As if the poster above didn't give it away, this is exclusive to Netflix, so if you're looking to purchase a physical copy, you are probably out of luck for at least another year. But in the meantime, you and your friends can get together one night after school, be it ranging from middle to college, and have a solidly entertaining time.
Besides, sometimes, you just want to turn off your brain, sit back, and watch something simple, but sweet. Well, if you count someone being shot in the breast as sweet.
.....hey, different strokes for different folks.
Tomorrow, well, I guess that we'll just go with my initial plans of viewing that one particular German horror flick like I was going to do. Be strong my stomach...
A serial killer is on the loose in Los Angeles, having amassed a large body count in a surprisingly short amount of time. One detective, Lt. Don Parker, is close to discovering the individual's identity, while his foster son Jonathan has reported having strange visions and dreams which could reveal his face and whereabouts as well. When they appear to be getting closer, the killer begins to target, and even slay their loved ones. Eventually, the slasher, whose identity is revealed to be that of a deranged television repairman named Horace Pinker, is captured and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the night of his execution, something seems to go awry. Yes, the madman doesn't go as quietly and quickly as he should, but what is more shocking is that while his physical body may cease to be, there is a possibility that he has survived and returned from beyond the grave using rather unconventional methods.
Let's not mince words here: Wes Craven, the dearly-departed and sorely missed legendary filmmaker who changed the horror game on more than a few occasions, will go down as arguably one of the top five (if not top three) directors in the genre. Hell, even some of his weaker efforts, though trashed by critics upon release, are still watchable and arguably undeserving of the thrashings that they received during their opening weekends (it can only be called an act of some greater deity that Cursed is still somewhat cohesive considering the hell that it went through). While determining which of his projects I could add to this year's marathon, I was admittedly having quite the difficult time. Then I noticed something rather unusual: I had never sat down to watch Shocker, the final film of his to be released during the 1980s. The likely result would be that either this little ditty would catch me by surprise the same way that his prior film did, or I would find it too boring for my taste like Deadly Blessing was.
Off the bat, you will notice that a large portion of Shocker's plot and overall demeanor is ripped straight from a very notable horror movie that also had Craven's name attached to it. Around this time period, the father of Freddy Krueger was not shy about speaking his mind when it came to the treatment of the Nightmare series (viewing the excellent Never Sleep Again documentary sheds more light on that). Despite writing and producing the third installment in that franchise, the signs were there that future sequels were going to become decidedly more comical, while toning down the genuine terror and uneasy feelings that came about from the initial film. It's understandable to feel that way, but while sitting through Shocker, it almost feels as though he was simultaneously making fun of New Line Cinema's practices while also succumbing to the problems that he was vocal about disliking. Because of it, Shocker's tone is all over the place. The jokes that litter most of its running time feel like leftovers from first drafts of fan-made Nightmare scripts, and the first third feels like it was aiming to be a genuinely chilling thriller with how much seriousness future X-Files standout Mitch Pileggi puts into his performance as Horace Pinker. I'd be very curious to hear about Wes Craven's writing process behind creating the script for this one.
Cast-wise everybody is actually fairly decent (keep your eye out for a Heather Langenkamp cameo), if not flat-out good considering the weird circumstances and picture that they are involved in. Peter Berg, who would go on to direct motion pictures such as Patriots Day and Hancock, makes for a sympathetic and lively protagonist, even if he is a near-carbon copy of Nancy Thompson from ANOES but with an added pair of testicles. He's a jock with a heart of gold and determination that never wanes during the entirety of Shocker, even if his sanity may begin to. I've already briefly touched on Pileggi's portrayal as our psychotic antagonist, so there isn't a great deal more than I can add to this. When he wants to be scary, the man can pull it off better than I expected him to. But when he has to go into slapstick mode, which comprises a large portion of the third act, he just isn't given the strongest of material to work with and lacks the same tongue-in-cheek charm that someone like Robert Englund naturally possesses. He's also a bit of an underwhelming murderer when it comes down to it, as his body count is significantly higher and more impressive when he was a living, breathing human being. Pinker does get a chance to partake in some amusing bits though, including taking control of a little girl and attempting to run Berg's character down with a construction vehicle. There is also an extremely silly addition to the plot of Shocker that begins before the second act kicks in and the overuse of heavy metal songs scattered throughout (Megadeth covering "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a standout), and depending on your tolerance for absurd twists and technical aspects in horror films, you may find yourself laughing far more than you should. I for one felt as if I were channeling the great Rich Evans during certain scenes.
At the end of the day, Shocker is pretty stupid. But thankfully, it's a better shade of stupid, such as when you sit down to watch pictures like The Room or Pocket Ninjas with a group of friends and bring the finest of beverages with you (be they alcoholic or non). This 1989 flick is absolutely NOT the worst thing that Wes has his name attached to, but I personally wouldn't strongly recommend that you rush out and grab a copy unless you know what you are getting into or want to see the (possibly?) uncredited inspiration for the first segment of "Treehouse of Horror IX." If you would like to take that chance, however, Shout! Factory has released a Blu-ray of the movie for a surprisingly cheap amount of money, and there have been petitions online demanding that an unrated cut be released to the general public at some point during our lifetimes.
And at this point, it's probably got a better chance for an uncensored cut to hit the stores than The Devils does.
Tomorrow, we say hello to Brad Dourif again, but this time, his problems lie in the hands of something less human and more mechanical...
A young schoolgirl named Gorgeous is ecstatic when her father returns home from his film composing job, as the two had previously made plans for an extravagant summer vacation. Upon his arrival, he introduces his daughter to a woman, who is to become Gorgeous' new stepmom. Upset about the unannounced inclusion of a new person into their family, especially after her biological mother had passed away several years ago, Gorgeous writes a letter to her aunt and asks if she can come to visit for the summer instead. Surprisingly, she receives a positive response back, and rounds up a group of her friends to travel alongside with her. Upon their arrival, they are warmly greeted by Gorgeous' elderly family member, and set out to enjoy their time off. Well, until the students start encountering strange spirits, disappearing, and dying in an unusual manner.
Watching Japan's Hausu (naturally translated as House), a 1977 effort distributed by the oh-so-notable Toho Co. this soon after viewing Brian Yuzna's Society may have been a terrible idea. While the former is nowhere near as disgusting as the American picture released eleven years later, it is just as bizarre, lavish, colorful, and flat-out weird as anything out there. I actually bumped this up from a later number in the movie listings for this year's Unseen Terror solely because they were showing it in a theater not very far from my apartment. Passing up the chance to see what some call the undisputed king of trippy, fucked up Japanese cinema on a large screen would have bothered me for quite some time. But my goodness, I just wasn't prepared for such an experience.
Hausu's strengths lie in its (un)natural ability to show you things that even the darkest and most demented part of your psyche didn't think could actually be filmed. There are several key moments which feel as if you have landed inside the mind of a filmmaker who has made the conscious decision to say "to hell with anything making sense." This decision doesn't necessarily mean that it turns in bad results however. Some creators make that work wonders and it increases the overall memorability and fun factor (pictures such as The Machine Girl or Tetsuo: The Iron Man come to mind). While Hausu doesn't sport nearly the same budget or body modification-based ideas that those have in spades, it is very vibrant and for all we know, the script could have been dipped into a large vat of LSD before filming began. The images and sequences found throughout its eighty-eight minute running time are enough to fill out an entire television series, which makes it all the more impressive that they were able to fit all of them into one motion picture.
Cast-wise, I couldn't honestly tell you much about any actress' background or even much of their character traits. Well, besides Mac, Kung Fu, and Gorgeous, who are renowned for being an excessive eater (like "Big Mac." GET IT?), skilled in martial arts, and for being rather pretty. It doesn't serve that much importance in the end as we all get the feeling that they are just laboratory rats that have wandered into a maze with traps at every single end. The creativity in which people are offed or disappear in Hausu show an early sign of things to come from future entries in the "horror comedy" genre. I don't want to go into spoilers, but when you have a schoolgirl named "Melody" being devoured by a piano during your second act, then you know that you have stepped into a rather twisted, but hilarious world. And no, I did not forget to mention that this movie is quite amusing. Many bits feel like they were lifted from a Looney Tunes cartoon or Three Stooges shorts. If you can not stand humor that seems to gorge upon the absurd and over-the-top, then this flick may not be for you.
Hausu feels less like a movie than it does an experiment. Yes, it succeeds in what it sets out to do, but my goodness. I just can't quite comprehend what I sat through, and it may take quite some time for me to fully digest the entire shebang. In fact, that statement may actually be the strongest compliment that I can give this flick. The plot is simplistic in nature (the whole "friends travel to a haunted house" formula), but insanely wacky in its execution. The imagination and nearly-euphoric feelings that director Nobuhiko Obayashi and his crew manage to conjure are nothing short of mesmerizing, yet dizzyingly peculiar. If you are curious about laying your eyes upon something that you don't see every day, Hausu is available to purchase on DVD and Blu-ray from Criterion (yes, really!), and can be viewed on the streaming service known as Filmstruck.
I'm uncertain about whether either source would be willing to provide you with psychedelics to accompany you during your session though.
Tomorrow, the late, great Wes Craven makes his first appearance for this year's iteration of Unseen Terror, and the results of one particular release could generate some real electricity!
At the time of this writing, the 89th annual Academy Awards is less than thirty minutes away from airing. So, without further adieu, here are the remaining twelve choices in my personal countdown, and what would be considered my take on a "best of" list.
12. Green Room
If you're expecting me to gush over Jeremy Saulnier's intense, horrifying, and all-around excellent follow-up to the riveting Blue Ruin, then I have some very bad news for you: I've done it before. And if you have access to Amazon Prime, you can view this story about a touring punk rock band who is forcibly locked inside of a neo-Nazi club after they stumble upon a murder scene for no extra charge.
11. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
If rebellions are built on hope, then director Gareth Edwards' prequel to the original, titular juggernaut from 1977 delivered the best one that we could have asked for. Admittedly, the new batch of characters aren't nearly as well-rounded as they should be, but they are all instantly memorable and chocked full of the traits and characteristics that made us fall in love with the franchise oh so many decades ago. The final battle on the planet Scarif is the modern day, fantasy equivalent to the opening sequence from Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan.
10. The Nice Guys
Much like yesterday's entries such as Popstar and The Handmaiden, writer/director Shane Black's (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) hilariously clever action-comedy-mystery thriller was managed to near-perfection in every subcategory. The plot, though slightly tricky to pay attention to at times, revolves around two private investigators and their decision to take on the case of a missing adult film star. The Nice Guys was an undeserving bomb at the box office, though the lot of folks who did bother to see it during its opening weekend were treated to witty, snappy, and smart dialogue coupled with a surprisingly interesting narrative and developed cast of characters. Thankfully, HBO Go users can track this down and make it up to themselves by catching it now rather than later. Plus, Shane Black is still getting the chance to direct a new Predator installment, so maybe there was still a bit of light in the dark for the uber-talented guy?
9. Hell or High Water
Admittedly, I'm cheating by throwing this neo-Western flick onto my list, because I only managed to catch it less than a week ago. Attributing this to laziness or lack of luck from the Redbox (cue me shaking my fist angrily at getting two different copies that would not play) will only get me so far though. Regardless, I was ecstatic to finally view what many of friends were calling a triumphant effort in the crime/thriller genres, and they were not wrong whatsoever. Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma) play a couple of brothers from west Texas who have been robbing banks in order to pay off a reverse mortgage on their mother's house. Meanwhile, an elderly sheriff portrayed by Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, Crazy Heart) begins to track them down; expertly piecing together their patterns and next likely targets. Hell or High Water sports a killer list of performances, a GREAT soundtrack (composed by musician Nick Cave and graphic novelist Warren Ellis), and a wild sense of uncertainty. I imagine that over the years, this one will likely grow on me.
8. Arrival
Perhaps the most scientifically accurate depiction of how our own top experts would react to communicating with other world lifeforms, the quiet, slow burn known as Arrival was showered with praise even before it managed to hit theaters (and justifiably so if you ask me). Amy Adams, who absolutely deserved an Oscar nomination for what could easily go down as the best performance of her career, is fascinating to watch and listen to. If you're going into this one expecting another version of entertainment akin to, say, Independence Day, then you will disappointed beyond belief. Those with an open mind who are seeking truly original visions in the occasionally predictable world of modern science fiction will find Dennis Villeneuve (Sicario)'s newest effort spellbinding.
7. Sing Street
Take a good coming-of-age story, throw in elements of The Commitments and School of Rock, and mix in a dash of less-than-stellar Irish upbringing, and you've got one of the better hidden gems of 2016. There's so much amusing charm permeating throughout its brisk running time that you can't help but fall in love. I firmly believe that it was a bit of a crime that writer/director John Carney's (Once) story about a young man who sporadically forms a band in order to impress a girl who hangs outside of his new school didn't make its way into more theaters during its initial theatrical run. It sports a fantastic list of original (and copyrighted) songs, earnest performances, and above all else, has a ton of heart that is undeniably easy to identify with. Seek this one out however you can.
6. Captain America: Civil War
Wait, you're going to debate me on a comic book movie being so high on my personal list? Well, to quote the picture posted above, "I can do this all day." Watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe come together has been an absolute treat, so being given the opportunity to watch the world within it start to unravel and fall apart is equally as thrilling, if not slightly morbid. A story about the concept of accepting the consequences for your (rather big) actions is the most basic way to describe the plot of Civil War, but in a way, this is the true Avengers sequel that we deserve. Though most battles in this are fought amongst the heroes themselves, they are exciting, brilliantly choreographed, and have real meaning to them. Even if I'm slightly concerned for the state of the team and their future once Infinity War has come and gone, at least we have a tremendous piece of work right here to watch on repeat should we choose to.
5. Zootopia
I love to root for the little guy, and truth be told, that was why Kubo& The Two Strings was originally slotted to appear above Disney's Zootopia. In the end, however, I concluded that this little ditty is just a better picture all-around. It sports very important, and relevant lessons for younger viewers, offers commentary on racism that is so desperately needed in a climate that has unfortunately been overtaken far worse than it ever has been, and serves as a great reminder than you should never be held back from your dreams because they aren't what your "type" normally achieves. Oh, and it's very funny to boot. Did I mention that?
4. Hidden Figures
For once, the Academy Awards actually seems to be acknowledging the amount of incredible motion pictures that African-American filmmakers and/or actors have been churning out over the past few years. The true story of three black women who worked as mathematicians during the "space race" days of NASA was one of the easiest films to root for and get fully wrapped in, as it was just smart enough to not alienate itself from general audiences, but also not blatantly pandering to Joe Public. Everybody was in fine form here, including Empire queen Taraji P. Henson and even The Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons (if you know me, I can go on for hours about why I loathe that show). Though it feels like the movie was slightly shunned in favor of more Hollywood-friendly flicks (a.k.a. La La Land), it's still a great one to track down and add to your queue.
3. Lion
Perhaps one of the most emotional, and slightly overlooked movies of the year, the true story of a young Indian boy who becomes lost on the streets of Calcutta, only to be adopted and seek out his biological mother twenty-five years later is stupendous. Dev Patel reminded us of why people loved him so much in movies such as Slumdog Millionaire, while Nicole Kidman churns out a very somber performance as the woman who just wants her child to be happy, even if he may not be of her own flesh and blood. Yes, the first half of Lion is a little stronger than its second, with a very Charles Dickens-esque aesthetic and structuring, but it doesn't detract from the overall experience. Plus, young newcomer Sunny Pawar is just so adorably innocent, that you may want to take him home with you yourself......but that could be considered illegal very soon. Fucking Trump.
2. Fences
Okay, yes, this adaptation of August Wilson's award-winning play of the same name doesn't fully separate itself from just feeling like a big screen version of a stage production, but god damn, that is such a small, insignificant complaint about this powerful, crushing story of a working-class African-American father attempting to raise his family while struggling with his own problems in life. The always fantastic Denzel Washington sits in the director's chair for the first time since 2007's The Great Debaters, and brings this polarizing, often-times unlikeable lead character to vibrant life, while simultaneously managing to ensure that the immensely talented Viola Davis finally secures her first Oscar win. And by Lemmy, if either of them go home empty-handed after this, I will be legitimately upset.
1. Moonlight
After finally catching a screening of Moonlight, I wasn't quite sure if it would even end up in my top five. But over time, it managed to do what the best of the best usually do: it stuck with me. As outstanding as every other movie is in this entry, this is haunting, oddly poetic, funny, gut-wrenching, and beautiful tale of a young African-American boy and the various stages of his life (each separated by chapter cards representing his different nicknames) is levels above them all. Moonlight's most fascinating and important aspect comes from lead character Chiron having one other distinguishing characteristic about him (that is unjustly ignored in nearly every trailer): he is a homosexual. Yes, we have been treated to a number of stories about how difficult it is to grow up in "the hood," but as long as I can remember, we rarely, if ever see stories such as this one. Actor Mahershala Ali (Predators, House of Cards) steals the show as one of the main character's earliest parental figures, and every actor of every age who plays Chiron is breathtaking with their range and emotion that is put forth on screen. Moonlight isn't just a good coming-of-age film, and it isn't just an incredible motion picture from a very talented African-American filmmaker, but for my money, the best movie of 2016.
And there you have it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to watch a bunch of crusty, rich white men snub the best aspects of cinema from 2016 in favor of the stuff that was....still okay?
See? I lived up to my promise! The fourth part of the (now) yearly rankings that I have started is up for your reading pleasure. Alas, I can not promise you that these following summaries will be as lengthy as some of my more "legitimate" reviews are, but hopefully I can convince those of you who are still curious to check some of these out in what spare time that you may have these days.
24. Sausage Party
Yep. I ranked an animated comedy about potty-mouthed food items discovering what their (grisly) purpose in life truly is above a movie directed by the Coen Brothers, a Tom Hanks-led picture, and a god damn Marvel movie....no, I do not give you permission to drug test me. However, I can strongly recommend that you check out my full, unbiased review that I typed up back in the month of August. I still stand by my statement that this was the funniest motion picture that I saw in 2016.
Well, until a few months later at least.
23. The Shallows
Speaking of previously-written thoughts, should you have a couple of minutes to spare, here was my prior review for this awesome, unexpected horror/thriller. Without giving away too many details found in that link, I can only say this: if you had told me that the director of the much-maligned House of Wax remake would manage to make a basic concept such as "Blake Lively is stuck on a rock in the middle of the ocean, and a Great White Shark is trying to kill her" work so effectively, I would have dismissed you as truly insane. Instead, what we get is the first truly scary shark film in what felt like an eternity. Bravissimo!
So, how can you top an aquatic killing machine whose sole mission seems to be centered around eating Ryan Reynolds' very talented wife? Who do you turn to for help?
As always, the clear answer is....
Which leads us to....
22. The Witch
Coming seemingly out of nowhere, writer/director Robert Eggers crafted one of the most peculiar, unique, and all-around creepy motion pictures in the realm of horror that managed to stand out in the crowd. I went into The Witch completely blind, knowing nothing other than the setting and the title of the movie itself. Because of that, it took me by surprise when I observed that all of its dialogue was influenced by/lifted from authentic colonial works. This makes the story, which revolves around a banished, secluded Puritan family's attempts at surviving as rumors of evil spirits and the rumored work of darker forces threaten to destroy them all, much more interesting. One has to wonder how much of this fear has been brought about by religious insanity and how much has come from the dark lord's actual influence. If you are seeking originality out of this genre which has been (wrongly) maligned as lacking truly original visions these days, I highly encourage you to track down a copy of this beautifully-shot, well-acted, slow burn of a gem, and let yourself be sucked into its world. And come on, wouldst thou like to live deliciously?
21. Moana
It almost feels utterly pointless discussing Disney's latest foray into their tired and true animated realm (this also being their first musical since that one particular project of theirs flopped sooo hard), but I feel the need to get something out of the way before explaining as to why this is placed so high on my list. After my screening for Moana, the tale of a chief's daughter who seeks to right some wrongs made by a demigod ages ago, I was impressed, but not necessarily blown away. Perhaps it was because of two other animated motion pictures having been released to theaters beforehand that bothered to take bigger chances and attempted to appeal to a larger variety of audiences (I will not spoil as to what those were), or maybe it was due to my belief that the story, though fun, is very basic underneath it all and lacking a memorable antagonist. In the end, those are honestly very minor quips about an otherwise very impressive effort from the hard-working crew at Walt Disney Animation Studios: Moana is packed full of vibrant colors, a phenomenal voice cast (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is on top of his game, and even sings!), a slick sense of humor, and a fan-friggin-tastic soundtrack that is impossible to remove from your head once the first couple of songs have ended. More importantly, it is a great lesson for younger viewers (especially girls) to never abandon your dreams, stick to your guns, and never choose to live a secluded, drab life. Over the next four years, sincerity and advice such as that is going to be sorely needed.
20. The Handmaiden
The truest example of why some directors just shine when they are in their natural element (or when they are free from the boundaries of Hollywood), Oldboy director Park Chan-wook returns to his native South Korea with a vengeance, and delivered one of the more stunning, evocative, and criminally underrated flicks of 2016 with The Handmaiden: a loose adaptation of author Sarah Waters' historical novel Fingersmith. Ever since bursting onto the scene more than two decades ago, Park has developed somewhat of a reputation for throwing a number of twists into his own projects. More often than not, they end up leaving you feeling unclean, aghast, or violated. Given that the film's plot revolves around a poor girl hired by a conman as part of a plan to get on the good side of a naïve Japanese heiress while he himself simultaneously seduces her, you can expect that nothing will be what it seems on the surface. The fantastic mixture of psychological torture and flagrant eroticism (some of the sensuality in here could have earned this an NC-17 rating had it received a wider release) works so effectively, that the rather long running time of 145 minutes will go by quicker than you think. Yes, efforts such as these don't always work, but it is delightful watching a respected filmmaker get the opportunity to work with so little boundaries and managing to pull it off.
19. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
This fun mockumentary from the Lonely Island crew, which consists of Saturday Night Live alums Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer, chronicled the ridiculousness relating to the state of the music business in the 21st century. The former plays an egotistical artist whose own solo career has been on fire ever since splitting from his former bandmates. With the release of his sophomore album around the corner, the need to stay successful and relevant becomes higher than ever before, and once mediocre reviews start coming in, everything begins to fall apart. The troupe's style of satirical humor and constant quips have carried over from cult favorite Hot Rod, though they feel sharpened and more consistent than its predecessor ever did. Much like Zoolander 2, it never shies away from poking fun at the absurdities found throughout the entertainment industry, and manages to pack in a large number of celebrity cameos. The main difference, however, is that unlike that pathetic excuse for a feature-length film, these result in some very uproariously hilarious moments. Sadly, Ben Stiller's rather horrendous sequel won in the end, as Popstar was one of 2016's bigger commercial disappointments. Perhaps as time goes by, its reputation and word of mouth shall grow stronger.
18. Deadpool
Come on, you don't have any valid excuse for having not seen this already. It's a perfect handling of one of the most un-PC, witty, and all-around wackily violent antiheros in all of comic books. This is especially shocking when you consider how badly he was treated in the deplorable and widely-despised X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which takes quite a beating throughout Deadpool's brisk 108 minute-long running time). Go watch it. Stop drinking your overpriced beer, eating whatever fancy vegan dish you cooked up on the fly, or searching for new Sonic fanfiction. And for the love of Lemmy, do NOT let me catch you doing the latter. You're above that at your age.
But to get back onto the topic at hand, put it on. NOW.
I'M SERIOUS.
GO WATCH IT. IT'S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY. AND SUPREMELY ENTERTAINING.
BUT ONLY AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THIS POST.
17. 10 Cloverfield Lane
Ahhh, sometimes it's so darn easy just copying and pasting links isn't it? Well, to save you the time, here's my.....wait a minute. I never wrote a review for this?! Shit man, ever since catching this in a theater back in March, I had a distinct feeling that this claustrophobic companion piece to 2008's surprise hit Cloverfield would place rather high on my end of the year list(s). Lo and behold, even among a sea of Academy Award contenders and other assorted heavyweights, it was nice to recall just how darn engaging and intense this film actually was. For starters, you have beloved actor John Goodman (Roseanne, The Big Lebowski, Monsters Inc.) turning in what could be one of the best performances of his career (it's certainly his most fierce) as a paranoid bunker dweller who rescues a young woman (Scott Pilgrim's Mary Elizabeth Winstead) after a car crash. When she awakens, he insists that the outside world is no longer habitable, and that it is safer for everyone to stay below the surface instead. The tension felt throughout 10 Cloverfield Lane is truly unnerving, as the viewer begins to question whether they can separate the truth from flagrant lies. The possibility of the man who claims to be a heroic figure snapping over the most minor of things is higher than seeing that raging cheeto that somehow got elected attack another journalist over doing their fucking job. As the news breaks of this "universe" potentially expanding in the near future, one can only wonder of what will happen next. Will we be lucky enough to explore additional details of a backstory relating to Goodman's psychotic (or is he?) character? Are there more individuals with similar situations in the outside world? Whatever comes about from this, we are still blessed with an expertly-told, intimidating science fiction thriller.
Also, if she ever gets around to reading this, sorry Carrie.
16. Kubo & The Two Strings
It would be truly rotten to not place a monumentally ambitious project like Kubo in my top twenty (it misses out on being in the top twelve because of some very minor flaws). When it comes to the realm of triumphant animation, I feel as though Laika Entertainment doesn't get brought up nearly as much as they should. True, previous works such as Coraline and Paranorman garner a large amount of praise and respect from critics and fans alike, but they aren't beating out Disney or DreamWorks at the award ceremonies. In that aspect, they could be likened to a modern day version of Sullivan Bluth Studios, who in decades prior, managed to compete with (and occasionally surpass) the dynasty headed by that cheery mouse and his cohorts. These type of pictures treat their audience with respect, and aren't afraid to explore territories involving the darker sides of humanity, which include the subject of death. Unlike the visual fecal matter found in Norm of the North, these crews realize that your kids deserve a better quality flick. Though Kubo's story is very basic (your standard tale of a boy who sets out on a journey to find something that will help him defeat an older evil from the past), its true strength lies in the work of those who literally put this together. A good chunk of its cast and set pieces are brought to life through gorgeous stop-motion effect work that is just as much of a love letter to the aforementioned Don Bluth as it is to Japanese legend Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke). To date, Laika's newest outing is the first feature to receive Academy Award nominations in both "Best Animated Feature" and "Best Visual Effects," and I firmly believe that it deserves to win both. As imaginative as it is touching, Kubo & The Two Strings shows us just what children's animation can be when honest-to-Lemmy effort is put into it.
15. Godzilla: Resurgence/Shin Gojira
A radiated titan emerges for the first time in this new day and age, which perplexes the Japanese government as to what actions should be taken so that they can ensure the safety of their own citizens. After all, just dropping bombs on the beast famously nicknamed the "King of the Monsters" seems easy in concept, but when you consider the destruction that could come about from it, such an option may not be the wisest to choose from. I could go on for an even longer time about this amazing reimagining/interpretation of The Big G from Hideaki Anno (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Shinji Higuchi (Attack on Titan), but I believe that kindly asking you to read my full-length review over here would be in your best interest instead.
14. Manchester by the Sea
When a very somber man receives the news that his brother has passed away, he is surprisingly given custody of his teenage nephew, and the two attempt to cope with what their lives have become (or are about to morph into). I'm not quite certain as to how this did not end up higher on the list, especially when I found there to be very little in terms of flaws with the film itself. Perhaps because it is so frequently dour, that even the brief bits of black comedy never quite landed as well as they should have? Or maybe I'm just being a nitpicking nerd. A tour de force performance from Casey Affleck ensures that he is officially out of his brother's shadow and on a different plain entirely. Audiences may initially find him to be a quiet, unassuming shell of his former self, but during various flashbacks, it is entirely understandable as to why he has turned into the human being that he is. Wes Anderson regular Lucas Hedges also manages to turn in a deceptively good portrayal of the younger man who is handling his father's death in a rather unusual way, but manages to mask his true emotions better than most do. No other film ripped your heart out quite as well as Manchester by the Sea did in 2016, and you may not even be in a hurry to watch it again any time soon. Still, sometimes the best experiences can come from a "one and done," no matter how gloomy they are.
13. La La Land
This is how I imagine a good number of individuals will react to my placement of this outside of the final/top twelve.
Okay, that was more of an excuse to post a clip from the righteously funny Rick and Morty. But I digress.
Yes, La La Land is really, really good. The love story is a simple throwback to the golden days of Hollywood musicals (struggling girl meets struggling boy, they unexpectedly fall in love), the acting is very solid, the soundtrack is worth all of the attention that it has been receiving, the cinematography and choreography are top notch, and the daringness of making something like this in 2016 is something to truly admire. And yet, I still managed to catch at least twelve other motion pictures that never quite felt like blatant love letters to the Academy. It is a very well-known fact that Hollywood LOVES films about the industry and the good old days. This isn't necessarily a detriment towards La La Land itself, but this does mean that the story can occasionally suffer from not really having as much substance as it could. You have to give just as much attention to the technical aspects as you should to the absolutely essential element of the plot. Regardless, it does sport a lot of charm and pizazz, which warrants a solid recommendation and makes for a pleasant experience. If it wins all of the major awards at the biggest event in show business, then I won't be that upset. Besides, nothing can top Crash in terms of undeserving wins, right?
Well, the hard part is over. Tomorrow, "End of the Line" concludes with my personal top twelve flicks from 2016. Maybe we'll see a clash of long-time fictional friends, an intense confrontation with neo-nazis inside of a club, or even a double dose of Janelle Monae?
