Unseen Terror 2019: Day 10

If you know me, you're well aware of my adoration for hilariously terrible films. If I'm being brutally honest though, sometimes the recommendations from random strangers about what to add to my queue just tend to bore rather than amuse me. Mind you, I'm not trying to sound like an asshole or am so confident in my ability to choose shitty cinema (not sure that anyone should flaunt that), but I'm getting a tiny bit tired of it. Why bring this up you may ask? Because while perusing my boxes full of random DVDs, I stumbled upon a disc that was lent to me by a manager from my Toys R Us days: 2000's Bloody Murder. She described at as one of the worst movies she had ever seen, and boy howdy, I tend to perk up whenever someone throws those words around.


Those words ring true though, because Bloody Murder, which just so happens to be the final movie that I've watched before turning 34, is one of the most incompetent and atrocious films that I've watched since beginning this yearly marathon back in 2011. There is nothing good to be found here. I repeat: NOTHING. The dialogue comes across as a desperate, poor imitation of smarter movies like Scream, while the whole look of the picture makes you wonder if you've accidentally stumbled upon a late night "Skinemax" flick. But that would be insulting to those films, because the acting is better in them and their crew of editors are far more competent. Even that box art is a god damn lie, because it deceives the viewer into thinking that we're in for a cheap ripoff of Friday the 13th and the like. While there certainly are elements of better slashers from yesteryear in this (most of its plot is directly lifted from the first entry in the Friday series, and they even manage to steal props from Sleepaway Camp II to use here), most of Bloody Murder plays out like a lame, dull "whodunnit" story. And given just how incredibly boring and stupid these characters are, it makes the experience that much more excruciating to sit through. Mind you, I know that flicks like the old, aforementioned ones aren't going to end up being preserved by the National Film Registry at any point during my lifespan, but after sitting through this monstrosity, your respect for its forefathers and the finesse/care that went into making them will increase tenfold.


I'm not even going to post any links to where you can purchase it, because I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Unless you can obtain authentic absinthe, I don't think drinking would increase one's enjoyment either. If you see it at your local dollar store, you'd be better off throwing a rock at your media player than putting this DVD anywhere near it. Better yet, steal the disc, smash it, and mail a shot of you doing it to main star Jessica Morris of One Life to Live fame, who reportedly hates this piece of crap just as much as I do.



So, if my opinion on this wasn't clear,

Tomorrow, I'll be watching something that ISN'T Bloody Murder.

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 7-9

Apologies for the delay. Work gets in the way sometimes.



I'm several days removed from this year's wonderful Monster Mania Convention in Hunt Valley, MD. As expected, it was a blast and I managed to meet quite a few famous people who were all rather wonderful, and also managed to snag a few gems on Blu-Ray that may or may not make their way onto the marathon. While I was in attendance, I noticed that actress Danielle Harris was one of the featured guests throughout the entire weekend, and was even doing photo-ops dressed in her costume from Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. While I was initially intrigued, I came to the realization that I've never watched that particular motion picture. It turns out that luck was on my side afterwards though, because both of the Harris-centric Halloween flicks are available for streaming on Shudder. I figured it was better late than never to have them both take up a couple of days for this marathon, and besides, I'm overdue for an old school slasher to make an appearance on here.


The original idea that John Carpenter (who had long since abandoned this series after scoring the unfairly-maligned Halloween III: Season of the Witch) had was for every new feature film titled Halloween to sport a brand new, original story with no continuity between them. Unfortunately, poor box office intake for the aforementioned Halloween III meant that it was time for the studio to bring Michael Myers back, but this time around they would still manage to keep a picture afloat even with the absence of many of the original's cast and crew. Halloween 4 is centered around the young Jamie Lloyd (Danielle Harris), who we learn early on is the daughter of the franchise's original "final girl" Laurie Strode. While her mom reportedly passed away in a car accident, her uncle Michael is very much alive (albeit in a coma after some events that occurred several years ago). On Hallows Eve, ten years after he terrorized Laurie for a second time, he is being transferred between hospitals. The comatose Michael overhears discussions of these relatively recent family events and springs back to his normal, murderous state. Setting off to his old hometown of Haddonfield, it's up to his old psychiatrist Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasence) to put a stop to him once and for all.


Though I approached Halloween 4 with caution (especially since it's been rendered as a non-canon sequel TWICE now), I was very surprised by how legitimately enjoyable this entry turned out to be. For the most part the acting is quite solid, with Pleasence turning in a performance that while certainly serious and reminding us that he is still very much the protagonist, does show signs that his character may be going down a dangerous path as well. The aforementioned Harris is also fantastic as young Jamie Lloyd, and brings a real sympathetic innocence to her character that you usually don't find in kid actors stuck in horror films. It's easy to see why she has endured as a fan favorite in the genre. Perhaps the one performer who I feel doesn't get the love that she deserves is Ellie Cornell, who manages to take a character like Rachel Carruthers (who could have been looked at as a weak imitation of Laurie) and make her a lot more likeable and easy to root for than most other dime-a-dozen slasher heroines. The rest of the supporting cast is pretty forgettable, but their presences do make for some decent kills.


Nowhere near as skillful as its forefathers but certainly ambitious in parts (and packing a wallop of an ending), Halloween 4 is still a pretty solid and overlooked entry that is worth checking out even if you've dismissed every other movie in this franchise save for the granddaddy of 'em all. There are multiple ways to obtain physical copies of this bad boy, including a Blu-Ray from Anchor Bay and a DVD two-pack that includes its follow-up.

Speaking of, let's move on to Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, shall we? Because oh boy do I have some things to say about this one. Be forewarned: there are going to be a handful of spoilers in this review.



At the end of Halloween 4, young Jamie Lloyd, presumably under the influence of her murderous uncle, stabbed her foster mother with a pair of scissors. A year later, she has been admitted to a children's hospital and hasn't spoken a word since those horrific events occurred (though she does frequently suffer from nightmares). Elsewhere, her foster sister Rachel has moved out to live a life of her own, and Michael is presumed dead after being shot by the police and falling down a mine shaft. Dr. Loomis theorizes that Jamie's nightmares and odd behavior could be due to a psychic link between her and Michael, who he is convinced is still alive and out there waiting to finish the job he couldn't complete before. As expected, Michael has survived and returns yet again to terrorize the citizens of Haddonfield.


In layman's terms, Halloween 5 is so lousy that it effectively killed any interest I had in reviewing every subsequent film that features "the shape" as the villain. I know that word of mouth says that 2002's Halloween: Resurrection is supposed to be the absolute worst entry in this franchise, but I don't think I have the patience to make it that far (I did it with Hellraiser years ago, and there's still a small part of my sanity that has never returned). Most of what hurts Halloween 5 is that all of the chances that they take are either the absolute worst ones (killing Rachel in the first act of the movie is incredibly disrespectful, as is them seemingly dumbing down her character) or ones that don't quite work out. There also seems to be a lack of care put into the actual filmmaking aspects, because the acting is pretty lousy, the sense of dread is nonexistent, and the newer characters just flat out stink. It says a lot when even the late, great Donald Pleasence doesn't seem fully on board with this one, and his performance borders on comical at times. Perhaps the only highlight is Danielle Harris, but she's surrounded by a cast of clichéd, unlikeable assholes so even she doesn't shine quite as bright as she did before. I must also mention the lack of care put into the Myers costume itself, which appears ill-fitting and more amusing than frightening throughout its running time.


I'm definitely not done with slasher movies for this year's Unseen Terror, but I don't expect to see Michael Myers and/or his associates make a return so soon. As mentioned above, you can buy this piece of junk of a number of formats for more money than I'm sure it deserves, but if I'm being honest, I'd rather see you throw your money towards Halloween III: Season of the Witch or 2018's Halloween instead. Just pretend that this doesn't exist.



…...which the makers of the latter seemed to do.





Well, that was an absolute bummer. I feel like I require a pick-me-up, which could require some rearranging of what order I was going to view everything.

Over the course of eight years, I've made the discovery that if there's one name that I can always rely on, it's Brian freakin' Yuzna. The man's body of work is mostly comprised of hits, and they're usually filled to the brim with wonderfully shocking special effects and gore, absurd comedic moments, and just all-around weirdness. 1985's Re-Animator remains one of my absolute favorite horror-comedies and probably the best adaptation of any H.P. Lovecraft story to date (if Guillermo del Toro ever gets his way and makes "At the Mountains of Madness" though, we may be in for a new top dog). I always meant to dive back into the world of Dr. Herbert West and his delusions of grandeur and strong belief that life after death is not only possible, but doable. For reasons that I can only ascribe to lack of funding, I never got a chance until this month to do so. Luckily, 1990's Bride of Re-Animator, which marks Yuzna's second time sitting in the director's chair himself, was the perfect way to help me forget about the awful disappointment of Halloween 5.


The plot for Bride of Re-Animator centers around the previous film's "protagonists" (and I do use that term loosely) of Dan Cain and Herbert West. Eight months have passed since the rather crazy incident at the Miskatonic University Hospital in Arkham, Massachusetts. The pair have been hiding in Peru, with West in particular relishing in the rather violent and casualty-heavy war that ravages the country. After all, he needs bodies to continue his research and discover just how to master his already astonishing formula that reanimates dead tissue. Eventually, the duo return back to the states and resume their previous jobs as doctors. In the midst of his experiments, West discovers several rather startling things; the decapitated head of his old colleague (and nemesis) Dr. Carl Hill, the preserved heart of Dan's old fiancé Megan, and most importantly that not only can he bring the dead back to life, but he can now create new life using pieces of the deceased. With Dan's permission, Herbert sets out to bring the former's deceased girlfriend back from the dead and reassemble her into a complete person yet again.


One thing that startled me a bit about Bride of Re-Animator was a somewhat eerie similarity to Frank Henenlotter's horror-comedy Frankenhooker, which was also released during the same year as this follow-up. Many plot elements are virtually identical, though I would certainly argue that Yuzna's film is a far more colorful take (perhaps literally) on the "love never dies" formula that we've seen done since the days of Bride of Frankenstein. The man has a knack for assisting in creating some truly bizarre visuals, especially in the final acts of his pictures. I mean hell, have you SEEN Society? He, along with his usual longtime collaborator Stuart Gordon (who is mysteriously absent this time around) also have an uncanny ability to make you feel nervous about the inevitable fate that is septophobia, a.k.a. the fear of decaying matter. As goofy as most of these movies can be, there will forever remain a small part in the back of my mind that is pretty queasy about the idea that I could never be fully in control of my own body.


Cast-wise Bride stands out about as well as its predecessor did, though not without some flaws. Jeffrey Combs is a delight as always, and watching the character of Herbert West slowly descend from "he's got some pretty strange ideas, but he seems alright otherwise" to "oh lord, he's off his rocker" makes for a lot of fun. His speech in the final act when presenting the titular "Bride" to Bruce Abbott's character is purely maniacal, but so magical. On the subject of Abbott: why is this guy not the recipient of more love from fans of the genre? He's fantastic here, and I'd argue that he seems far more comfortable this time around than he did in the original movie. The late David Gale also returns as the severed head of Carl Hill, who was last seen doing....something I don't want to spoil. His role is ultimately kind of insignificant, but does make for some very funny visual gags. Kathleen Kinmont of Halloween 4 fame does a far better job here as a corpse than she did as a rather forgettable slasher victim in that feature, but aside from her none of the new cast additions seem to leave a lasting impact. Heck, some of them don't even serve a purpose other than to go around and scream once in a blue moon.


Those minor gripes aside, I think it's pretty obvious that I'm giving Bride of Re-Animator a recommendation. It'd be pretty hard to dislike this blood-splattered, darkly comedic romp, especially if you were a fan of the 1985 film. Currently, it's streaming on Amazon Prime, and you can easily snag a fancy Blu-Ray from reputable giants Arrow Video.




Tomorrow, I get closer and closer to turning 34. That is frightening. But not as frightening as an early-2000s slasher that may have been lost to time.

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 5 & 6

Six years ago, I was finally able to watch and review the 1983 cult classic The Deadly Spawn. It's a joyous, gory, low-budget romp which proves that one doesn't necessarily need a gigantic budget to make a truly great horror flick. Much to my surprise, however, I heard rumblings of a quasi-sequel out there on the market, and that it sported a higher budget than its predecessor. These rumors proved to be.....partially accurate, as 1990's Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor was indeed originally conceived as a follow-up to that very picture (and was even initially shot under the title of Deadly Spawn 2: The Metamorphosis), but underwent a number of drastic changes over the course of several years. The end result isn't up to par with its forefather, but does this story of a scientist infected by an alien virus that slowly mutates him into a bloodthirsty beast warrant its 4.7 rating on imdb?


Seeing as how I'm still very tired from this weekend's Monster Mania Con in Maryland, I'll try to be as nice as humanly possible: yeah, it kind of does deserve a score that low. I suppose that if I can start with the positive aspects of Metamorphosis, I'd have to begin with the effects work. Even if the feature-length film itself isn't anything to write home about, the overall designs are pretty decent. The main baddy has a look to it which seems to blend influences from the o.g. Deadly Spawn aliens, the tendril-filled horror from The Thing, and aspects that modern day fans of games like Dead Space would likely appreciate. The only flaws in its grotesque design come from when many of the movie's stop-motion moments kick in, and it does a very good job at nearly taking you out of the whole thing with just how immovable it appears to be. Yes, I know that this was during the heyday of straight-to-video 1990s schlockfests (I grew up with it after all), but I imagine that even then people would have been laughing quite a bit at the absurdity of the whole shebang. There are also more than a few cheesy segments and fights that harken back to the best moments of the "first" film, including a beatdown by one executive on a bumbling, wannabe hero that seems to last several minutes and travels across several rooms of the facility that everyone is trapped in.


While all of that nonsense will manage to elicit a fair amount of chuckles from people with an appreciation for dumb cinema, the rest of Metamorphosis is proof that sometimes you can only strike gold once. Most of the dialogue by Glenn Takakjian (who also directed) is just plain awful, or painfully cliched to the point where you'll wish that you were watching something with a slightly similar plot like The Fly II. Not helping matters is a fairly weak cast, who just seem like they don't know whether to play their roles as serious or campy. At least one of them (Allen Lewis Rickman) has several Troma movies listed in their filmography though, so at least one of them understood what was going on here. The pacing, particularly towards the end, also begins to drag and you're just as likely to breathe a sigh of relief before the final stinger at the end.


It isn't breaking new ground, but I did find Metamorphosis to be decently entertaining, though sometimes a chore to get through. It's got the right amount of bloodshed and camp to help its running time move along rather smoothly, and sports a pretty rad monster to boot, but it does feel like nothing is immediately memorable. Anyone who is longing for the days of when every VHS tape that you rented had "that one weird ass preview" on it might want to check it out. The DVD for this sucker doesn't cost a whole lot, and you can catch it on sites such as YouTube....for now.



Just be careful that you don't accidentally come across the other film released in 1990 that is also titled Metamorphosis. We don't need the horror movie equivalent of the Batushka drama, do we?





Alright, time for Day 6.

*deep sigh*



Man, what a strange and shameless piece of excrement. Prior to this year's Unseen Terror, I knew more about 1989's Shocking Dark than I cared to know, and even finally getting around to watching the film in its entirety didn't prepare me for what was to follow. The synopsis should sound very familiar to anyone and everyone who has ever forayed into the realm of science fiction/horror/action hybrids. In the year 2000, Venice has been overly polluted and ravaged. While people work on the surface in an attempt to make things more habitable, bloodthirsty creatures that lurk beneath the city start to attack them or take them below to be cocooned. Soon, a group of soldiers and civilians are sent to investigate and take down whatever threat they may encounter.


If you think that most of that plot sounds awfully similar to the one of James Cameron's Aliens, then you should be happy knowing that your brain hasn't been completely ravaged by rampant drug use. Look, I've covered many Italian horror flicks over the years on here (usually with mixed results). But Shocking Dark is easily the most shameless of the ones that I've watched to date. For about a good ninety percent of its running time, this is a direct ripoff of Aliens, only with a tinier budget, much worse acting (Geretta Geretta of Demons fame deserved far more screen time), and some pretty darn cheap effects work. Then, in a twist that nobody could have expected (unless you look at the poster), the picture decides to rip off another Cameron classic by revealing that someone in the gang of fighters is a cyborg. In a film that was already pretty incompetent and suffering from an identity crisis, this just jams another screwdriver into your head. I wasn't terribly surprised to discover that this was directed by Bruno Mattei, who's made an appearance before on this marathon with the absolutely horrendous Cruel Jaws. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but most of the man's filmography was made up of shameless ripoffs and softcore cinematic forays. Let it be known that I don't have a problem with that, but it's just a fact, and like many of his filmmaking brethren, retitling this as a fake "sequel" to a successful movie from the west wasn't beneath him.


All of my gripes and complaint aside, I do believe that a movie like Shocking Dark has to be seen at least once before you die. It isn't something that aspiring filmmakers should look up to, but you have to admire just how ballsy some of these filmmakers were with their inability to give a single fuck about many "traditional" aspects of writing or directing. Originality isn't the name of the game with many of these flicks, though building off of similar concepts seen in their American influences and adding in something truly bizarre is certainly welcome. But like I said, it isn't a good movie. At. All. Still, if you have some cash to spend (and access to good beer), Severin released a loaded Blu-Ray last year that contains a number of extras and far more attention spent on it than anyone could have expected.



Beware of incessant yelling from this film's version of Newt though.




Tomorrow, I have to go back to work, though perhaps unwrapping one of the newer Blu-Rays I picked up at Monster Mania is an option...

Unseen Terror 2019: Day 4

Alright, it's the Goosebumps thing again. Let's just dive right in, yeah?

You Can't Scare Me was one of the more amusing Goosebumps books that I can remember, though even when I was younger I recalled it not being particularly scary (ironic I suppose). The tale focuses on two students who make a vow to frighten the seemingly fearless and perfect Courtney by pranking her at Muddy Creek, which she believes is inhabited by "mud monsters" that she herself wrote about in a published story for their local paper. Though this adaptation removes a LOT of the side characters, alters the ending a bit, and seems to be trying its damnedest to make you hate Courtney (who despite showing signs of arrogance comes across as a lot more likeable than our protagonists), it still makes for a fairly entertaining twenty-one minutes. The most interesting aspect of the whole episode is the design of the "mud monsters" themselves, which look like if Swamp Thing hooked up with a melted "monster of the week" from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

I never got around to reading Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes, so I had the advantage (or is it disadvantage?) of going into this one completely blind. As it turns out, this is apparently one of the least faithful adaptations of one of R.L Stine's works, though I think that some aspects here work a little better than from what I've read about online. The plot begins with a man named Jeffery Burton bringing two rather unpleasant-looking lawn gnomes to his house. Though he has a fondness for gaudy ornaments, his children, having a combination of working brains and decent taste, don't take kindly to them, and his son Joe in particular thinks they look evil. Not long after acquiring them, the Burtons' militaristic neighbor complains of property damage and other mischievous doings, and Joe suspects that the recent purchases could be connected to all of this. Despite a rather fun tongue-in-cheek ending and some surprisingly decent acting, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes honestly felt a little too predictable and unless you have an irrational fear of "little" people, then it's highly unlikely you'll be able to take anything away from this one.

Say Cheese and Die!, one of the more memorable and celebrated of R.L. Stine's works (the title alone catches most parents' attention whenever I have to take someone shopping in my workplace to the Goosebumps books), is handled surprisingly well, though like most of these episodes, has some alterations which both hurt and help it in the end. The story for this one revolves around a kid named Greg, who while sneaking into a mysterious, older house with his friends, discovers and steals a futuristic-looking instant camera. He discovers that this device doesn't act like a traditional polaroid though, as the pictures that he takes of an individual seem to show what is set to happen to the person AFTER the photo comes out, and that none of these photographs display positive outcomes for them either. Worse yet, its original owner Spidey is now stalking his every move, and he wants his camera back no matter how he has to do it. Tonally, this feels like a lighter predecessor to horror favorites such as Final Destination, though it should come as no surprise that it is far tamer than flicks like that one. The first thing one should notice is the presence of a preteen Ryan Gosling, who is doing a rather admirable job for something that he could have half-assed this early in his career. The second thing is just how undeniably goofy Richard McMillan's Spidey looks and acts. He feels (and even looks like) a more maniacal version of Brent Spiner's character from Independence Day (ironically enough, McMillan would later go on to work with Roland Emmerich in The Day After Tomorrow), with a dash of Tommy Wiseau weirdness thrown in there for good measure. Shame that Gosling's costar Akiva David was murdered several years ago over drug trafficking though, because he's fairly good too. This was easily the best of the three, and one of the better episodes of the Goosebumps tv series that I've watched to date.



And.....that's it. See you again next year Goosebumps....assuming that Netflix doesn't pull you off of streaming like it did temporarily.



Tomorrow, I'm going to be at Monster-Mania Con in Maryland for a day or two, so uh, we'll have something on here, even if the review is likely to be shorter than usual.

Unseen Terror 2019: Day 3

I adore the original Fright Night from 1985. Heck, I'd even go so far as to call it my favorite vampire flick of the 1980s, followed by Near Dark and The Monster Squad (it counts dang it). I'll even defend the often-thrashed remake from 2011, but I think that's mostly because of its very stellar cast. And yet, I had never bothered to watch the sequel to Tom Holland's o.g. picture, mostly due to bad word of mouth from a majority of older horror movie critics. But at this point in my life, there are very few movies that I'll say 'no' to, so the time was right to finally sit down and hope that this follow-up (directed this time around by Tommy Lee Wallace of Halloween III and Stephen King's It fame) wouldn't tarnish my memory and adoration for that piece. 

My apologies to those of you reading this, because spoilers are unavoidable when describing Fright Night Part 2. Several years have passed since teenager Charlie Brewster and TV host Peter Vincent defeated the vampire Jerry Dandridge, and while the latter has returned to his late night hosting duties, the former has undergone extensive psychotherapy and now believes that the entire ordeal was exaggerated. Dandridge wasn't an undead bloodsucker, but merely a mass murderer with delusions of grandeur. In the meantime, Charlie has entered college and even has a new girlfriend named Alex. Things seem to be going swimmingly, until while visiting Peter one evening, he notices several large crates being loaded from a truck into the house next door. Catching only a glance of these new neighbors, Charlie finds himself instantly drawn to the beautiful Regine. It doesn't long at all for familiar events to start unfolding, which unlocks Charlie's repressed memories and the belief that these new faces may be a little stranger than anyone would suspect, and that Regine in particular has a connection to our two protagonists.

If some of those plot details sound eerily similar to the events in the first Fright Night, it's because they absolutely are. Much of Fright Night Part 2's story unfolds the exact same way as its predecessor did, though in some scenes the roles are reversed. Peter having to convince Charlie that vampiric beings are still afoot is quite amusing (Roddy McDowall is yet again one of the highlights of these pictures), and seeing the main character's girlfriend not just be a damsel in distress this time around is refreshing. Julie Carmen's Regine and her cohorts (including Brian Thompson of Mortal Kombat: Annhilation fame as a bug-eating connoisseur) are certainly more charismatic and deliberately comedic than Jerry ever was, and Carmen in particular oozes pure sex appeal like very few can. Still, they never feel very menacing or dangerous like the other Dandridge did (I did warn you about spoilers, didn't I?), and that's kind of a downer. The aforementioned Charlie also feels like he's been written to be a bit more irritating this time around as well, and there were several moments where I felt like just reaching through the television and slapping him. Thankfully the effects work shines enough to make you forget about some of these weaker character moments, and the final fight features some nice makeup work. Heck even if this didn't bare the name of "Fright Night" it might warrant a serious recommendation from practical effects fanatics. 

Is Fright Night Part 2 deserving of a hearty recommendation? I say sure. I wasn't wowed by the product as a whole, but if you can manage to disconnect yourself a bit and realize that you probably aren't getting a rare case of something ala A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, then you'll probably enjoy the flick a lot more. Also, it's kind of a shame that the Menendez Brothers essentially stopped the possibility of a third film being released (no, seriously!), so for now we're stuck with just these two entertaining, blood-filled romps. Fright Night Part 2 can be streamed on YouTube, which is essentially the best way to view it at this point unless you're willing to shill out a LOT of money for the DVD or wait an inevitable Blu-Ray release in the states.

Then again, I'd be willing to spend a pretty penny or two for a Blu-Ray quality version of this scene.

Tomorrow, it's time for another "bump-y" tradition of this yearly marathon!

Unseen Terror 2019: Day 2

Over the course of nearly ten years, I've made an effort to include at least one giant monster movie on my list, and I'm partial to putting them towards the beginning (not for any particular reason mind you). However, I hit a bit of a snag this time around: there were very few kaiju films that I could cover. I considered tracking down the original Japanese version of King Kong vs. Godzilla, but that won't even see a proper release on home video until the end of the month. There's also deep cuts like Deep Sea Monster Reigo and the Daimajin series, but given my rather poor income situation, I wasn't willing to shill out the money for those. While perusing Toho's catalog of oddities, I recalled seeing a poster for one of their more obscure efforts: the oddly-titled Attack of the Mushroom People (originally released in Japan as Matango). As luck would have it, the flick was also streaming over on Amazon Prime, so I figured that this ought to do for now.

The film opens in a hospital with a man known as Professor Murai addressing someone seen off camera about some rather horrific events that he went though. We're then treated to a flashback of a ragtag group of passengers traveling on a yacht (including Murai), and it isn't long before bad luck hits the crew in the form of a rather serious storm. The boat survives the ordeal, but they end up drifting towards a mysterious, deserted island and decide to explore it. They discover very few foods and drinks, with a notable and plentiful exception being a large forest full of mushrooms and fungi. As if the title doesn't (sort of) give it away, ingesting these mutagenic discoveries leads to some freaky stuff. Fun fact about that Americanized retitling: it's not particularly accurate and kind of misleading. What you might expect is something ala an "undiscovered civilization" kind of story, but what you get is more similar to films from around or before that decade such as Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Without going too deep into spoiler territory, there's sort of a proto-body horror vibe going on here, and the group's time spent on the island is shot with a sense of slow, creeping dread while emitting a very "alien" vibe. This could be slightly disappointing for someone who's hoping to see what the poster implies, such as a giant mushroom-like being terrorizing these castaways, but I'm all for Toho experimenting. Hell at that point in their career, they absolutely earned the right to do it. 

Coincidentally, Matango is filled with other Toho veterans and familiar faces. Professor Murai is portrayed by Akira Kubo, who had previously worked with giants like Akira Kurosawa on movies like Throne of Blood, and would later appear in flicks like Destroy All Monsters and Invasion of Astro-Monster. Supporting him are performers such as Kenji Sahara, who has appeared in nearly every Godzilla-related project throughout that franchise's existence, and the striking Kumi Mizuno, who kaiju eiga fans will likely recognize from her appearances in Invasion of Astro-Monster and War of the Gargantuas. She's easily the highlight of the picture, and I'm still quite astonished that she never made her way over to the states for more projects because she was just that damn good in everything that she appeared in. Unfortunately, outside of their wardrobe choices, none of the actual characters themselves are anything to write home about, and it doesn't help that the English dub that I watched contained a voice cast that seemed unsure of what to make of the movie itself. Still, it isn't as insulting awful as other dubs that I've watched in this marathon throughout the years (I still have painful memories of the botch job known as Varan the Unbelievable).

It certainly won't go down as an essential viewing for J-horror fanatics, but I'd overall give Matango a recommendation. Sure, some of the effects are quite dated and the aforementioned dub is a little shaky, but it's very admirable that director Ishiro Honda (yet another Godzilla veteran) wanted to take a chance on something so drastically different from what he usually tackled. It isn't common to see Toho release ANYTHING that's even horror-adjacent save for the original Gojira or features like The Human Vapor, but I still gotta give respect where it's due. Currently, you can stream the English dub of Matango on Amazon Prime, and there is a DVD out there for purchase, though I am uncertain about if it contains the original Japanese audio or not.

Tomorrow, it's sequel time......for real.

Unseen Terror 2019: Day 1

*sigh*

Here we are. Again.

I feel as though I owe the folks who exclusively visit this site to read my thoughts and/or reviews (rather than on my letterboxd page) an explanation of sorts for why last year's marathon was never finished.....well, on here at least. Again, LETTERBOXD IS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU DON'T USE IT (cheap plug time: find me on there as Woodshatter1985). During a pair of rather lengthy reviews that I had been working on for over two hours, Blogspot decided to just randomly delete all of my hard work. To say that I was not particularly happy would be the understatement of the decade. Seeing as how I only do this for shits and giggles and not for any extra income (though that sure would be nice), my frustration died down, and I put this silly thing to bed.

Alas, we are back to square one for now. Though I'd strongly prefer to just stick with the other website, I'll suck it up and continue here for the next thirty-one days. Plus, you can't embed videos on letterboxd, and that's a bummer.

Fun fact about Takashi Miike's Audition: I have been in possession of my physical copy for close to fifteen years. I've recommended it to any and every person who is remotely interested in the "J-Horror" genre, and often describe it as one of the most influential horror movies of the 1990s. But as I was finalizing my list for this year's marathon (cutting it down from 90+ to thirty-one flicks was HARD), I came to realize that I had never sat down and watched the film in its entirety. I remember specific parts and all of the praise that it received on Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments" countdown (funnily enough, its segment on Audition is included as a bonus feature here), but even then it never dawned on me until now that this picture was just sitting there collecting dust and waiting to be played from beginning to end.


Anyway, the plot to Audition is fairly simple: Aoyama is a widower whose son suggests that his father needs to start dating again, as it seems that the man's disconnect from humanity seems to be slowly fading away. Aoyama's closest friend Yoshikawa, who happens to be a movie producer, devises that they create a fake casting call to meet women who will audition for the part of his "wife." After a seemingly endless amount of women show up and just fail to capture their interest, Aoyama finds himself fixated on a very meek, yet alluring young lady called Asami. Surprisingly, they respond to each other rather well, and even begin to date. Over time though, her dark past begins to surface and "complicate" things between the two. That is where your synopsis ends, because anything beyond that would ruin the many surprises and more memorable aspects of the picture itself.


I'm actually happy that it took me so long to watch Audition from beginning to end, because oh boy is there a lot of dissect here. For starters, the characters and their decisions made throughout will severely affect how you view the product as a whole. I can see an equal amount of arguments on both sides about whether this movie is a pro-feminist piece or misogynistic torture. The character of Aoyama (played by Ryo Ishibashi of The Grudge & Suicide Club fame) doesn't come across as a scumbag per se, but making the conscious decision to go along with the initial sketchy concept of a fake audition just so he can meet girls doesn't exactly make him feel relatable. Still, when you see him and Asami begin to interact with one another, you do believe that he genuinely likes this woman and isn't looking to just get in her pants. On the flip side, Asami herself (portrayed by the wonderful Eihi Shiina of Helldriver and Tokyo Gore Police, which are also worth checking out) is written to be sympathetic at first, though obviously disturbed in ways that could make some male viewers want to see her just leave the picture entirely or "get what she deserves" during its final act. But this isn't Annie Wilkes we're talking about here, because the more that you discover about this very quiet girl, the more you can understand why she is the way that she is. This conflicting nature can be seen in later-day motion pictures such as Hard Candy, though that was a little more on the nose about who to root for considering it was about pedophilia. Personally I found it to just be about trusting outside advice rather than intuition before it bites you in the ass. The similarities to previous Unseen Terror entries like The Vanishing are uncanny, and it's just as much of a slow burn as that movie was. Then again, maybe I just need to watch this one again so I can truly make up my mind.


Movies like Audition aren't necessarily meant to be enjoyed by general horror audiences (there's only one "jump" scare found in its two hour running time), but few will get under your skin or leave you feeling completely uncomfortable like this one will. It's all about patience, and the payoff is unsettling enough (and seems eerily grounded in realism) to stick in your mind for quite some time. If you haven't gotten a chance to watch this yet, I'd highly, though cautiously recommend that you get a chance to do so. It's currently streaming on Shudder, and if you're like me and want to continue supporting physical media, the Uncut DVD from Lions Gate is still available, as is a recently-released Blu-Ray from the reputable heavyweights at Arrow Video.


Tomorrow, Toho makes their yearly appearance on the list, though kaiju eiga isn't the name of the game this time around!