Unseen Terror 2023: Bumpin' All Over Town (Days 16-17)

Yep, we're doing the yearly Goosebumps visit. Again. It's sort of an unofficial requirement for me these days, isn't it? Stick around after I quickly discuss these three episodes for something newer and potentially more exciting though.

The Headless Ghost was a Goosebumps book that unfortunately alluded me as a kid (sometimes you had to pick and choose what was available at your local library), so I'm going into this one completely blind. It's about two immature pranksters (one male, one female) who find themselves trapped in a seaside house that's presumably haunted by.... well, a headless ghost. It's perfectly fine. Considering the caliber of performances we've seen throughout this TV series; the kids here are surprisingly pretty decent (even if their characters are completely unlikeable jerks). The tour guide for the house is played by character actor Dennis O'Connor, who has made minor appearances in stuff like In the Mouth of Madness and Trilogy of Terror II. His mutton chops and the surprisingly good twists in the end helps it to receive a thumbs up. Updating this story to fit into the newer Goosebumps show on Hulu could prove to be a lot of fun and make that show even more enjoyable..........I think I just gave away something about the end of this post. Crap.

Sadly, I never read any of the "Tales to Give You Goosebumps" collections when those were being published, as I think I had already moved on to Stephen King and the like by then. Thus, the adaptation of short story Don't Wake Mummy doesn't really have any significance to me and again, I have no familiarity with the source material. The plot is pretty easy: a family inherits a sarcophagus that houses a living, breathing mummy. It's...okay. My main problem with it comes from the fact that after watching this and The Headless Ghost back-to-back (and recalling other episodes I'd reviewed in the past), I realized that this show had a seriously hard time trying to write young girls as anything other than obnoxious, assholes, bullies, or all of the above. Look, I know I'm complaining about a Canadian kids show from the 1990s, but it's still disappointing. Throwing a mummy's heart into a garbage disposal (which causes its body to fall apart like it lost a final round in Mortal Kombat) is pretty dope though.

Now we're getting somewhere! Thankfully, I DO remember reading The Barking Ghost, and somehow never saw the adaptation of it. Hell, that book cover alone didn't help with my cynophobia (nor did seeing Cujo and Man's Best Friend when I was far too young). Thankfully that started to slowly vanish over time, and once we got our first dog Ozzy, that disappeared for good. The story is a bit of an oddball, as it deals more with body swapping and possession than evil dogs (though in this case, the titular creature is actually a duo of thief spirits who attempt to swap forms with two kids). "Body switch" stories in kids shows can prove to be very fun, and I think this is pretty decent for the most part. The major difference between the printed story and adaptation is a slight variation in the ending, with it receiving a bit more of a "feel good" wrap-up in regard to our two leads.

Speaking of "feel good" though...

I was only made aware of there being a new television series based around the R.L. Stine books about a couple of months ago or so. Admittedly, I was nervous not because of it potentially being "bad" and tarnishing the legacy of Goosebumps (I've sat through enough of those old episodes to tell you that your nostalgia goggles need a thorough cleaning), but because the oversaturation of horror television shows (and milking a cash cow dry) can sometimes lead to quality taking a backseat to pandering or the idea of "it's horror, they'll watch it. Whatever." My spirits were lifted quite a bit when I saw that it had the involvement of both Rob Letterman, who directed the 2015 film adaptation of the franchise (plus Detective Pikachu!) and Nicholas Stoller, whose body of work while VERY mixed, has written some films that I think are legitimately great (Captain Underpants, The Muppets 2011). I said, "let's have at it."

As someone who had avoided any and all trailers affiliated with this show, I was completely taken by surprise when I discovered that 2023's Goosebumps, unlike its 90s counterpart, is NOT an anthology series, but rather a traditional story with connecting elements and influences from the books themselves. It's a bold choice, though I will admit that I kind of miss the standalone element. You could just throw on a random episode and not worry about if you needed to catch up on anything. For example, infamous stories from the Goosebumps catalog such as "The Haunted Mask" and "The Cuckoo Clock of Doom" make appearances in one, singular area (in this case a haunted house that harbors the spirit of a murdered teenager and a plethora of tainted relics), and the first few episodes follow individual characters who experience the aftermath of interacting with the objects from said tales. Weirdly enough, the house itself acts as a sort of "base" where anything and everything can go wrong, with each character eventually all meeting up with one another and fully convinced that they aren't the only ones experiencing some seriously bizarre stuff as of late. It is reminiscent of a fun little oddity from 2010 called Todd & The Book of Pure Evil, which I pray will someday get the love that it truly deserves. I'm sure that the main question on your mind is this though: can you stop yammering and let me know if the dang thing is any good? Well, yeah. I think it's pretty good.

The cast is all solid, and I'll give extra points for diversity too (personality-wise the characters themselves will take some getting used to though). Apparently, there is a small contingent of people complaining about this online, but personally I'm all here for it. Besides, if I wanted to see inexperienced, awkward Caucasian kids act and scream terribly, I'd go watch the 1990s show or your parents' reaction after I push little Brydehn into a locker as punishment for them raising an incel. I only recognized two faces in this troupe, and they were both on the older side. Daily Show and Reno 911! vet Rachael Harris and Heroes star Leonard Roberts play some of teens' parents who may or may not know more about these freaky occurrences than they're willing to talk about. While they're both fun, they cannot hold a candle to the MVP of this new show: Justin Long. With his wonderfully wacky, weird, and deceptively creepy performance as the series' main antagonist (at least as of the 3 episodes I've watched), he's officially cemented himself as a "Scream King" in the genre. After all, Drag Me to Hell, Barbarian, Tusk, and Jeepers Creepers under his belt, who's to say he hasn't earned that title or his flowers? He's the glue that holds this whole thing together, and I am hoping that whatever happens later on in the season, he still somehow gets to stick around.

I'm expecting that 2023's Goosebumps won't be to everyone's liking, but I'm finding the experience to very enjoyable so far. It's a love letter to the books that also attempts to tell its own story (even if it's somewhat familiar territory), and it isn't too overly scary or vulgar that you couldn't watch it with your own kids. Check it out on Hulu or Disney+ if you have the time!

Unseen Terror 2019: Day 4

Alright, it's the Goosebumps thing again. Let's just dive right in, yeah?

You Can't Scare Me was one of the more amusing Goosebumps books that I can remember, though even when I was younger I recalled it not being particularly scary (ironic I suppose). The tale focuses on two students who make a vow to frighten the seemingly fearless and perfect Courtney by pranking her at Muddy Creek, which she believes is inhabited by "mud monsters" that she herself wrote about in a published story for their local paper. Though this adaptation removes a LOT of the side characters, alters the ending a bit, and seems to be trying its damnedest to make you hate Courtney (who despite showing signs of arrogance comes across as a lot more likeable than our protagonists), it still makes for a fairly entertaining twenty-one minutes. The most interesting aspect of the whole episode is the design of the "mud monsters" themselves, which look like if Swamp Thing hooked up with a melted "monster of the week" from Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.

I never got around to reading Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes, so I had the advantage (or is it disadvantage?) of going into this one completely blind. As it turns out, this is apparently one of the least faithful adaptations of one of R.L Stine's works, though I think that some aspects here work a little better than from what I've read about online. The plot begins with a man named Jeffery Burton bringing two rather unpleasant-looking lawn gnomes to his house. Though he has a fondness for gaudy ornaments, his children, having a combination of working brains and decent taste, don't take kindly to them, and his son Joe in particular thinks they look evil. Not long after acquiring them, the Burtons' militaristic neighbor complains of property damage and other mischievous doings, and Joe suspects that the recent purchases could be connected to all of this. Despite a rather fun tongue-in-cheek ending and some surprisingly decent acting, Revenge of the Lawn Gnomes honestly felt a little too predictable and unless you have an irrational fear of "little" people, then it's highly unlikely you'll be able to take anything away from this one.

Say Cheese and Die!, one of the more memorable and celebrated of R.L. Stine's works (the title alone catches most parents' attention whenever I have to take someone shopping in my workplace to the Goosebumps books), is handled surprisingly well, though like most of these episodes, has some alterations which both hurt and help it in the end. The story for this one revolves around a kid named Greg, who while sneaking into a mysterious, older house with his friends, discovers and steals a futuristic-looking instant camera. He discovers that this device doesn't act like a traditional polaroid though, as the pictures that he takes of an individual seem to show what is set to happen to the person AFTER the photo comes out, and that none of these photographs display positive outcomes for them either. Worse yet, its original owner Spidey is now stalking his every move, and he wants his camera back no matter how he has to do it. Tonally, this feels like a lighter predecessor to horror favorites such as Final Destination, though it should come as no surprise that it is far tamer than flicks like that one. The first thing one should notice is the presence of a preteen Ryan Gosling, who is doing a rather admirable job for something that he could have half-assed this early in his career. The second thing is just how undeniably goofy Richard McMillan's Spidey looks and acts. He feels (and even looks like) a more maniacal version of Brent Spiner's character from Independence Day (ironically enough, McMillan would later go on to work with Roland Emmerich in The Day After Tomorrow), with a dash of Tommy Wiseau weirdness thrown in there for good measure. Shame that Gosling's costar Akiva David was murdered several years ago over drug trafficking though, because he's fairly good too. This was easily the best of the three, and one of the better episodes of the Goosebumps tv series that I've watched to date.



And.....that's it. See you again next year Goosebumps....assuming that Netflix doesn't pull you off of streaming like it did temporarily.



Tomorrow, I'm going to be at Monster-Mania Con in Maryland for a day or two, so uh, we'll have something on here, even if the review is likely to be shorter than usual.