Unseen Terror 2019: Day 1

*sigh*

Here we are. Again.

I feel as though I owe the folks who exclusively visit this site to read my thoughts and/or reviews (rather than on my letterboxd page) an explanation of sorts for why last year's marathon was never finished.....well, on here at least. Again, LETTERBOXD IS YOUR FRIEND AND YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU DON'T USE IT (cheap plug time: find me on there as Woodshatter1985). During a pair of rather lengthy reviews that I had been working on for over two hours, Blogspot decided to just randomly delete all of my hard work. To say that I was not particularly happy would be the understatement of the decade. Seeing as how I only do this for shits and giggles and not for any extra income (though that sure would be nice), my frustration died down, and I put this silly thing to bed.

Alas, we are back to square one for now. Though I'd strongly prefer to just stick with the other website, I'll suck it up and continue here for the next thirty-one days. Plus, you can't embed videos on letterboxd, and that's a bummer.

Fun fact about Takashi Miike's Audition: I have been in possession of my physical copy for close to fifteen years. I've recommended it to any and every person who is remotely interested in the "J-Horror" genre, and often describe it as one of the most influential horror movies of the 1990s. But as I was finalizing my list for this year's marathon (cutting it down from 90+ to thirty-one flicks was HARD), I came to realize that I had never sat down and watched the film in its entirety. I remember specific parts and all of the praise that it received on Bravo's "100 Scariest Movie Moments" countdown (funnily enough, its segment on Audition is included as a bonus feature here), but even then it never dawned on me until now that this picture was just sitting there collecting dust and waiting to be played from beginning to end.


Anyway, the plot to Audition is fairly simple: Aoyama is a widower whose son suggests that his father needs to start dating again, as it seems that the man's disconnect from humanity seems to be slowly fading away. Aoyama's closest friend Yoshikawa, who happens to be a movie producer, devises that they create a fake casting call to meet women who will audition for the part of his "wife." After a seemingly endless amount of women show up and just fail to capture their interest, Aoyama finds himself fixated on a very meek, yet alluring young lady called Asami. Surprisingly, they respond to each other rather well, and even begin to date. Over time though, her dark past begins to surface and "complicate" things between the two. That is where your synopsis ends, because anything beyond that would ruin the many surprises and more memorable aspects of the picture itself.


I'm actually happy that it took me so long to watch Audition from beginning to end, because oh boy is there a lot of dissect here. For starters, the characters and their decisions made throughout will severely affect how you view the product as a whole. I can see an equal amount of arguments on both sides about whether this movie is a pro-feminist piece or misogynistic torture. The character of Aoyama (played by Ryo Ishibashi of The Grudge & Suicide Club fame) doesn't come across as a scumbag per se, but making the conscious decision to go along with the initial sketchy concept of a fake audition just so he can meet girls doesn't exactly make him feel relatable. Still, when you see him and Asami begin to interact with one another, you do believe that he genuinely likes this woman and isn't looking to just get in her pants. On the flip side, Asami herself (portrayed by the wonderful Eihi Shiina of Helldriver and Tokyo Gore Police, which are also worth checking out) is written to be sympathetic at first, though obviously disturbed in ways that could make some male viewers want to see her just leave the picture entirely or "get what she deserves" during its final act. But this isn't Annie Wilkes we're talking about here, because the more that you discover about this very quiet girl, the more you can understand why she is the way that she is. This conflicting nature can be seen in later-day motion pictures such as Hard Candy, though that was a little more on the nose about who to root for considering it was about pedophilia. Personally I found it to just be about trusting outside advice rather than intuition before it bites you in the ass. The similarities to previous Unseen Terror entries like The Vanishing are uncanny, and it's just as much of a slow burn as that movie was. Then again, maybe I just need to watch this one again so I can truly make up my mind.


Movies like Audition aren't necessarily meant to be enjoyed by general horror audiences (there's only one "jump" scare found in its two hour running time), but few will get under your skin or leave you feeling completely uncomfortable like this one will. It's all about patience, and the payoff is unsettling enough (and seems eerily grounded in realism) to stick in your mind for quite some time. If you haven't gotten a chance to watch this yet, I'd highly, though cautiously recommend that you get a chance to do so. It's currently streaming on Shudder, and if you're like me and want to continue supporting physical media, the Uncut DVD from Lions Gate is still available, as is a recently-released Blu-Ray from the reputable heavyweights at Arrow Video.


Tomorrow, Toho makes their yearly appearance on the list, though kaiju eiga isn't the name of the game this time around!

Unseen Terror 2015: Day 15

Couch slouch Anton Tobias seems content to waste his time doing nothing but channel surfing and smoking weed. His plans for laziness are interrupted by one tiny problem though: his right hand becomes possessed and begins to go on a killing spree. First, his parents meet a grizzly demise while attempting to go to sleep. Next, his fellow marijuana enthusiasts and confidants Mick and Pnub are horribly butchered, even after trying their damnedest to restrain the rogue body part. Feeling hopeless, Anton does his best to keep this evil obstacle under control, especially since he's just getting around to pursuing and talking to Molly, the girl of his dreams who happens to be his next door neighbor.



With all due respect to the recently-deceased pioneer that was Wes Craven, Scream may have hurt horror just as much as it helped it. Well, at least in the latter half of the 1990s. Waves upon waves of new, tepid slasher pictures came out that seemed to not only miss the point that Craven's film was not just meant to be another entry in the "dead teenagers" genre, but also a satirical/meta take on scary movies as a whole. Which is why I think that it's a shame that something as amusing as 1999's stoner-horror-comedy Idle Hands did as poorly as it did.


For starters, Devon Sawa (Final Destination, SLC Punk!) seems to be having a ball with his portrayal of the incredibly awkward, yet relatable Anton. I found him to be eerily reminiscent and similar to people that I've known for a good chunk of my life, be they friends or just mere acquaintances. Sure, he's a slacker. And yeah, I didn't ever see guys like him snagging women as attractive as Jessica Alba (Sin City, Fantastic Four), but the same could be said for flawed protagonists such as Rupert Everett in Cemetery Man, who I'm convinced Sawa was trying to channel for some of the more macabre coverups he has to do, though by way of the over-the-top antics of Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead II. But by god, you still want to root for him. Seth Green (Ticks, Family Guy) and Elden Henderson (Daredevil, The Mighty Ducks) play his equally-lethargic best buds (pun possibly intended), and attempt their best to channel a bit of David Naughton from An American Werewolf In London by playing the victims who just won't stay dead, though in this case it's just because they think that heaven will be a bit on the boring side. A good half of the jokes they spout don't necessarily work, but I'd say that was more due to it being a product of that time rather than due to weak parts in the script.


Despite all of that, the film isn't exactly a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it's got a lot of little issues that seem like they could have been fixed with just a quick scene rewrite. The problem of Mr. and Mrs. Tobias' murder is just kind of ignored after their son's initial freakout and discovery, and judging by the lack of so few other adults in their world, you would think that it's perfectly normal for older people to just not have any friends other than themselves. There's also the supporting character of Randy, a nearby resident metalhead who apparently knows everything there is to know about satan and the occult, yet seems to listen to nothing but Motley Crue's "Shout At The Devil" every time that he appears on screen. Maybe it's just the nitpicker in me, but why not something a little more fitting? Perhaps a black metal band like Mayhem, or a death metal band like Deicide? Eh, I guess you need something more easy to digest for those who want to buy a compilation of the songs featured in the film. Vivica A. Fox (Indepence Day, Kill Bill) also shows up as a rather dumb deus ex machina, but thankfully she's only in the flick for approximately a combined ten minutes.


After Idle Hands wrapped up, I found myself wondering if it would have done better business-wise during this new decade. Then again, unless your motion picture was named The Blair Witch Project, the chances of your product being lost in a sea of mediocrity were quite high. If you dismissed something like Idle Hands as just another dumb teenager film that would appeal to a crowd that most likely dissipates once the decade was over, you may want to give this one a shot. There's a good chance that you'll find some amusement in its underrated and well done makeup, fun story, homages to classic scary movies of yesteryear, and characters that you may swear that you know in real life. Oh, and it contains one of the most distinctive soundtracks of its era that I've seen in a very long time, including a cameo from ex-punk band The Offspring. If none of those appeal to you, one still gets to see a very young Jessica Alba look quite fetching dressed as an angel for a Halloween dance.



Tomorrow, the 90s are over. Thank god. Now it's time to move onward to the new millennium and....watch a movie that's set during the 1920s.


Dafuq?

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 29 & Day 30

New home owners Jesse and Kate have arrived at the residence of his now-deceased parents, who were murdered when he was an infant. They settle in fine, and soon, their friends Charlie and Lana decide to pay a visit, primarily hoping that Kate will give the latter a chance to be signed to her record label. When digging around in the basement, the two men come across an old photograph of Jesse own great-great-grandfather, holding a crystal skull and posing in front of a Mayan temple. Curious as to the whereabouts of this artifact, they dig up the old man's casket and are attacked by his corpse, though "Gramps," as he will soon be known, settles down once he discovers Jesse's lineage. With this revival, however, comes an unearthing of strange forces who also wish to possess the skull, and the younger men will have to traverse many worlds connected to this house in order to protect it.


Despite watching and posting my thoughts on last year's House, which I came away from fairly satisfied and happy overall, I remember virtually nothing about it. I don't suspect that this was the movie's fault, but more or less my own since I'll be the first to admit that I don't have the strongest memory sometimes when it comes to movies that don't blow me away upon first time viewings. What I do recall is that it spawned three sequels in six years, and that the franchise is generally regarded as the type that gets significantly worse with the more installments that are released (here's looking at you Jaws and Hellraiser). But heck, House II: The Second Story actually has direct involvement with most of the crew who worked on the first film, including writer Ethan Wiley (who is also sitting in the director's chair for this one), initial story creator Fred Dekker (of The Monster Squad and Night Of The Creeps fame), and producer Sean S. Cunningham (Friday The 13th). How bad could it truly be?


Well, perhaps to House II's credit, it isn't as terrible as I imagined that it would be. Wiley's sequel may currently be sitting at a frighteningly bad 0% on RottenTomatoes.com, but I don't think that the rating is completely fair or justified. After all, this penned project should not be viewed as a horror-comedy, but rather as the complete opposite: a comedy with the occasional element of horror peeking in from around the corner. I didn't expect to make a comparison to infamously-ridiculous followups to beloved horror entries such as Sam Raimi's third entry in the Evil Dead trilogy, Army Of Darkness (House II coming out the same year as Evil Dead II: Dead By Dawn could not have been a coincidence), but it isn't unwarranted. There is very little that will scare audiences of any age, and save for one moment of a head being blow off by multiple shotgun shells (which is still done without a single drop of blood being spilled), I wouldn't be entirely upset if parents today showed this to their own children. The supporting characters, be they once-human or never-human, are way too delightful to be frightening. That does work against House II at times, since the comedy is occasionally pretty dreadful or just too sitcom-like for someone such as me.


On the subject of sitcoms, I'm starting to wonder if there is going to be several recurring themes in these flicks should I choose to watch numbers three and four in the near future. Once again, we have a performer from Cheers in a supporting role (George Wendt in the prior installment, John Ratzenberger this time around). The poster is a severed hand ringing a doorbell. The antagonist is an older enemy with a closer connection to the hero than we originally realized. Don't get me wrong, I see these type of things all of the time in various motion pictures (see Transformers 1-4. Actually, don't see those, stick with the Gamera movies from the 60s and 70s. Maybe), but you have to wonder if Dekker might have just been running low on time, especially since this was released only fifteen months after the first film was. The climax also feels incredibly rushed, as if the crew forgot that they were strapped for time, and thusly had to write a more serious finale that takes a radical 180 degree turn.


As long as you're willing to kick back, take off your shoes, grab a big bag of popcorn, and enter into the picture with a mentality of "just go with it," you could have a decently fun time with this inferior, though still slightly amusing sequel. There's some wacky comedy, some nice stop-motion homages to long-time greats and pioneers such as Ray Harryhausen, and a baby pterodactyl brought to life by veteran voice actor Frank Welker, who has too many notable characters on his resume that I care to name now.



And tell me that you don't want a pug-a-pillar. He's the cutest creation that I've seen since the Dorats in Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah. Just look at him. LOOK AT HIM I SAY.

A collector of rare books, Dean Corso is puzzled by a request to meet with literature connoisseur Boris Balkan. Though primarily motivated by greed, Dean is attracted by the older gentleman's task that is given to him. Within a short period of time, Balkan has attained a copy of the infamous title "The Nine Gates Of The Kingdom Of The Shadows," a book that was rumored to have been co-written by Lucifer himself, and even has a rumored incantation that will summon the dark lord to this plane. He assigns Corso with the command to track down two other prints of this work stored around other parts of the world, intending to prove that his copy is authentic. Should it not be, he must acquire the one that is. Such a desire shall not come without mystic occurrences or consequences though.


Well, hello Mr. Roman Polanski, it sure is nice to see you again after I was essentially blown away by my first time viewing of Rosemary's Baby last year. Why I haven't chosen to take a gander at another entry in your "apartment" trilogy is beyond me, but as it stands, I'll try sitting through a screening of your 1999 project, the occasionally derided, yet equally praised The Ninth Gate. Sure, you still may be a scumbag for what you did in the past that caused you to flee the United States, but I've watched films by Victor Salva and listened to records from radically insane black metal bands, so why wouldn't I give you another chance in the department of cinema, especially after I adored your most well-known piece?...Okay, I'm nowhere near clever enough for a review to be done in that smarmy style, so I'll just stick with what I know and what I do best.


But what do I know after watching The Ninth Gate? Well, it's kind of hard to say what one comes away with after watching a motion picture as odd and somewhat messy as this one. As a screenwriter and director, Roman Polanski has always been able to use the "slow burn" effect to his advantage, keeping his fans and critics intrigued while building up to what ultimately ends up being a pretty damn powerful conclusion. This flick proves to be no exception to his trademark, but even through some of its moments of creepiness, it is quite lethargic by his standards. It's actually a little misleading to call this a pure horror film too, as the journey and investigation for the books plays out more like an old-time mystery, complete with some "whodunnit" parts and enigmatic, unidentified characters popping up here and there. Wojciech Kilar's (Bram Stoker's Dracula) wonderfully eerie score helps build upon this assumption too, but hey, as long as I'm not bored, then I don't particularly care what you choose to call or classify your picture as.


In the acting department, Johnny Depp is doing what pre-Pirates Of The Caribbean Johnny Depp does. He is somewhat restrained for most of the time that he's in front of the camera, but when you consider that the character of Corso is so damn intent on just getting his job done and going home again, you can't really act surprised by this choice to play it safe. On the opposite side of things, Frank Langella (Frost/Nixon) and Lena Olin (Alias, Mystery Men) seem to be having a lot more fun trying to make their portrayals of Boris and Liana that much more interesting, especially in the case of the latter. Olin starts to dive into campy territory, but despite this and a decision to have a buffer-looking version of rapper Sisqo as her bodyguard, it's saved by her resurgence and fairly dark true intentions towards the end. And if we're talking about people reentering the movie, if you remove the main gist of the plot, the here-and-there appearances of French actress Emmanuelle Seigner (the current wife of Polanski himself) prove to be the most fascinating thing about the entire ordeal. Simply referred to as "The Girl," she's fairly captivating to look at, and even by the end, I wasn't quite certain as to who, what, or why she was involved with Depp's protagonist. In terms of further compliments, there's also one potential misogynistic spoiler far down below as well. I'd list it in this paragraph, but I'm too much of a gentleman to do so.


When I was writing my notes down for this review, I was initially confused as to why so many critics at the time compared it to Rosemary's Baby and his earlier works. Outside of the involvement with Satan and some general occult shenanigans, I saw very little that it shared with its "predecessor." If anything, it plays out not unlike an episode of Master of Horror that genre legend John Carpenter would direct eight years later, the disturbing "Cigarette Burns." Then, the conclusion came. This was the absolute defining moment for The Ninth Gate, since it barely makes a lick of sense, and seeps into the disappointing, truly scary realms of the bizarre and the somewhat clunky. I had to look up several interpretations of the ending and still couldn't quite piece it together. And yet, this one is still worth a watch, though I don't imagine that most frequently-impatient viewers will be able to stomach a large portion of it. Most hardcore Johnny Depp fans will probably get a kick out of seeing him in his first horror-based role since A Nightmare On Elm Street, and it's enough to make up for some of the dreck he's been attached to recently.




There is no bit of silliness to add this time. Because tomorrow, we're going to be done with this shebang. And tomorrow's final entry will come full circle…




















Oh boy, did Emmanuelle Seigner look good naked. And I do mean REALLY GOOD.

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 22

Following the conclusion of the Mexican-American War of the mid-1800s, Second Lieutenant John Boyd has been promoted for an act of bravery which included capturing an enemy's headquarters. However, his superiors soon discover that this was slightly fabricated, as Boyd had faked his death in order to avoid being killed. Exiled to the remote area of Fort Spencer for his act of cowardice, he soon befriends the other occupants. During an ordinary day, a stranger arrives at the stronghold, telling a story of resorting to consume his companions out of desperation, and after the men decide to search for survivors from his entourage, they uncover a secret much worse than they could have ever expected.


Well I'll be damned. I am quite amazed that it has taken me twenty two days to include my first "cannibal" title for my yearly marathon. And what do I choose? An Italian production made back in the 70s or 80s? Or some random title from the last decade or so? Nope. I decided to go with a recently-rereleased title from the folks at Shout! Factory, the late 90s piece known as Ravenous. It seems like I'm subliminally trying to stay away from the decade in which I was born (but that will change later).


I recall seeing the trailers for Ravenous back when the film was being released theatrically, but obviously, I couldn't get in to see it unless my parents were willing to renege on certain rules (I've had to discover most gory or truly disturbing films on my own). Had they known that you could potentially classify this as a black comedy, they may have eased off. Yep, you didn't read that wrong. Writer Ted Griffin, who would go on to help pen the scripts for Matchstick Men and Ocean's 11, blends a rather sick sense of humor with a fairly horrific series of events. In an even more bizarre decision, the film's score is constructed and performed by English musicians Michael Nyman, who has way too many works to his names that I care to list, and Damon Albarn, who is most well known for fronting acts like Blur and Gorillaz. Their compositions alternate between the incredibly tense and the incredibly wacky, resembling something out of a video game soundtrack (Final Fantasy VII came to mind). I don't think it worked as well as they have hoped it would have, but it was undeniably something that stood out, for better or for worse.


For a movie about something so morbid, Ravenous does have some real moments of beauty. Filmed primarily in Slovakia, the scenery and cinematography are quite a sight to behold, almost making you forget that Robert Carlyle's character is butchering human beings for his own consumption. Oh, don't complain about that. If you couldn't piece that together from the above synopsis, then you need to watch more horror movies. But yes, the flick is relatively sick for those with an easy stomach and doesn't skip out on some nice carnage, most of which is provided by the Trainspotting actor mentioned above. While other stars like Memento's Guy Pearce and Beetlejuice's Jeffrey Jones (*cue awkward, uncomfortable groan*) give some solid performances, Carlyle easily steals the show, reveling in the role he's been cast and proving that he is one of Europe's most underrated players when it comes to playing anyone who can be classified as psychotic or unstable. I can also officially say that I forgive Mr. Neal McDonough for his portrayal of M. Bison in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, since he does a fairly good job with the limited amount of screen time he gets here. That and he makes for a great Barry Allen and Dum Dum Dugan. I'll say no such thing for David Arquette though, who doesn't serve much of a purpose outside of just being there and acting somewhat stupid. Alright, that isn't too much of a stretch for him. Still, he was the WCW Heavyweight Champion at one point in his career, and that is just unforgivable.


Ravenous is far from perfect, but I can see why it has a fairly decent following, and why there has been some demand for a proper home video release (it should be out on DVD and Blu-Ray as of this writing). It is certainly a unique way to look at one of the more detestable acts that one can commit against his or her fellow man, with an unexpected mystical element that doesn't seem completely out-of-nowhere, at least if you pay attention to a side character's dialogue towards the beginning or know the legend of the "Wendigo." It also skips out on going for the obvious route of wrapping things up with some rather nonsensical, though interesting twists, and I'd ultimately recommend it as a fairly humorous and bloody experience that's worth at least one watch.



Gosh, it sure would have been nice to hear THIS song at least once though.



Tomorrow, I dip back into the 1980s with the underground classic C.H.U.D!