Unseen Terror 2018: Day 24

It is with the utmost apologies that I must retract a statement made on yesterday's post. After sitting through Prom Night III, I had concluded that the franchise was going into the same direction that Sleepaway Camp did (initial film is serious, sequels become progressively sillier). Thanks to Prom Night IV: Deliver Us from Evil, I'm not quite sure of what the hell this series wants to do anymore. After heading into the realm of horror-comedy, the fourth film in the Prom Night universe decides to go back to basics. There's no supernatural elements, over-the-top humor, or Mary Lou. Just a demented killer (in this case, a priest that has suffered a psychotic breakdown from years of sexual abuse and must punish sinners) stalking adult actors that are playing promiscuous, older teenagers. It also chooses to emphasize the "slow burn" ala the first movie, rather than go for a relentless bloodbath. So, with these decisions in mind, does it amount to a decent little flick?

Boy, I'm legitimately shocked by how much I disliked this follow-up. Prom Night IV sacrifices any of the potential excitement that was present in the second and third entries, and those choices amount to something that you wouldn't even bat an eye towards if it came on at 3:00 A.M. while you were drunkenly channel surfing. While the first Prom Night wasn't exactly a barn burner, it at least had the addition of Jamie Lee Curtis to prevent boredom from kicking in, and it rewarded your patience with some nice kills along with a fairly memorable finale. The same can't be said for this flick though. Here, the list of performers does boast some surprising finds, including Fringe showrunner J.H. Wyman, Nicole de Boer from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Cube, and future Degrassi and Donkey Kong Country (remember that show?) star Joy Tanner. None of them are particularly bad, but the material that they're working with is another level below substandard and with how ridiculously sluggish the pace often is (much like its ancestor, it takes close to an hour before any real slaughtering begins), it makes the movie a real chore to get through. There's a scene involving Tanner playfully trying to "seduce" de Boer's character that while obviously is a cheap ploy to arouse the males in the audience, ends up coming across as slightly homophobic when you look at it now. Perhaps the only decent part of Prom Night IV's story comes from the not-quite-subtle criticism of the Catholic Church in the form of the evil Father Jonas, but even he's a fairly bland slasher villain when compared to pretty much everyone else out there, and ESPECIALLY when you remember that he's supposed to be our replacement for the charismatic and fun Mary Lou Maloney. Besides, it's likely that you'll never be able to top Lester Lowe from Silver Bullet, so don't even try son.


I'm always upset whenever I see a promising franchise either end on a whimper (Critters) or just outstay its welcome by churning out crappy sequel after crappy sequel (Hellraiser). Much like someone I know who does read this blog (sup Maddux!), I feel like the best thing that one can do with Prom Night IV is what they did with the aforementioned Sleepaway Camp: recommend the first three pictures, actively tell them to avoid the fourth, and reiterate that they should REALLY not bother with it should they offer you a halfhearted chuckle in return. However, if you are committed to finishing this damn franchise like I am (not counting the remake), then sure, go ahead and drop close to thirty dollars on the DVD that comes packed with its far superior predecessor. Or go stream it on Amazon Prime. Or just lock yourself in your room and google search for more photos of Courtney Taylor from Prom Night III.

Tomorrow, I think I'm done with slashers, and I feel like it's time to restore some dignity back to Unseen Terror. Much like before, maybe Criterion can provide me with some quality entertainment?

Unseen Terror 2018: Days 20 & 21

Ahhh, I suppose it's time to watch something new that should lift my spirits. Outside of one very odd Frank Henenlotter piece, I don't think I've watched any "true" horror-comedies for this year's marathon. So, per the recommendation of various sources, I say let's kick off the twentieth day with a bang!

Well then. 

Sure, this isn't the first blunder that I've made while I was assembling a list for Unseen Terror. And you can make an argument that this project in question can technically qualify as a "zombie" movie, or even a take on the storyline found in The Wasp Woman. At the end of the day though, Robert Zemeckis' 1992 hit Death Becomes Her barely sports any sort of ties to the horror genre. It's too late to turn back now though, so let's get on with this review. The plot revolves around a pair of female rivals named Madeline (Meryl Streep), who is an egotistical, conniving actress and Helen (Goldie Hawn), an aspiring writer whose career has yet to take off. Several years ago, the former effectively helped ruin the latter's life by not only taking her fiancé (played by Bruce Willis), but driving her to obesity and utter insanity. After spending time in a mental ward, Helen feigns rehabilitation, and she finds herself released on good behavior, though she is obviously plotting revenge on the woman who stole everything from her. Madeline, whose marriage and acting career have certainly seen better days, attends a book release party thrown by Helen, and is shocked to find that she looks as youthful and gorgeous as she did back when they first met. Dumbfounded, she digs around to discover the secret behind this, and eventually comes into contact with a woman (Blue Velvet's Isabella Rossellini) who offers her a "youth" potion that will promise her everlasting beauty. Unbeknownst to both Madeline and Helen though, are the very morbid consequences that come with drinking this magical concoction.


First off, I don't feel like it's terribly necessary to discuss just how good our two female leads are. Streep in particular is just so damn good at adapting to whatever genre you ask her to take part in (how she hasn't done something like a dark, psychological horror piece yet is beyond me), and Hawn just has naturally great comedic timing, body language, and delivery with every little quip or jab she's been given. Perhaps who took me by surprise the most was a man whose body of work over the past several years has been so lousy that it made me forget just how solid he used to be: Bruce f'n Willis. As we watch Madeline and Helen descend into madness, you begin to realize that he's one of the only halfway decent human beings that is left in the horribly strange world found in Death Becomes Her. A former plastic surgeon who has been reduced to being a mere mortician due to his alcoholism and frustrating marriage, it's hard not to feel for the guy when you see that nobody really cares for his wellbeing, but rather strive for his gifted hands.


Beyond the acting, Death Becomes Her contains great makeup work, and some very solid, award-winning (though slightly dated) visual effects. A particular sequence involving Streep and what happens with her body after she has been pushed down a long flight of stairs looks pretty great, as does one scene involving Hawn and a "hole" of hers. Both are likely to elicit some great laughs from those who have a pretty sick sense of humor. Most of the flick's first and second act are peppered with some great, darkly comedic moments that work so well because of the talented cast, but it does feel like some steam is lost during the third. Don't get me wrong, the final twenty-or-so minutes of this Zemeckis vehicle aren't bad per se, but they're predictable and a bit clunky. Luckily, the bits at the very end are undoubtedly some of the aspects that will stick with you long after the credits have rolled.


Is this one a horror-comedy? Is it just a dark fantasy with a wicked, twisted sense of humor? Well, whatever you prefer to call Death Becomes Her, it's quite the entertaining ride. I firmly believe that unless you are absolutely anti-Hollywood, there's quite a bit of material to enjoy here. As of this time, this early 90s fan favorite can be watched on Starz-On-Demand, and Scream! Factory released it on what is reported to be a pristine-looking Blu-Ray. Give this one a whirl.




Well, I figured that for the following day, I must atone for this potential mistake. So, per a quick perusing around the internet, I settled on a newer, and what some call a "proper" horror-comedy.

For the past several months, it appeared as though the trailer for Slice, the feature-length debut from writer/director Austin Vesely, was THE talk of the town in the horror community. Me though? I just never got around to watching it due to laziness on my part. Because of that, I went into this motion picture completely blind with no expectations whatsoever. The very first thing that I contemplated after finishing Slice was turning Death Becomes Her back on. After that, it was popping my Blu-Ray of Brain Damage back into my disc drive. After THAT, I sincerely debated just waiting to review this for something akin to a "rest of the bunch" post later on. But rather than delay, I'll just get this one out of the way.


The story of Slice is a bit of a messy one. In essence, it's a murder mystery centered around pizza delivery drivers being slaughtered, with one of the victim's ex-girlfriend (Zazie Beetz of Deadpool 2) pushing forward in her investigation, and a slew of accusations being thrown at various culprits, including lycanthropes, drug peddlers, and ghosts. Perhaps a disgraced ex-Chinese takeout worker (who also happens to be a werewolf) has something to do with the whole ordeal though. So, yeah. That sure sounds like a wacky, almost cartoonish premise does it not? Well, despite sporting some fairly original ideas, Slice does feel like the classic example of style over substance. And yet, even the "style" aspect isn't particularly good either. Quirks like having the recently-deceased constantly hanging around people at all times like it's not a big deal are clever, but we've seen this same thing done in better movies over the past few decades.


What really brings Slice down several notches is just how much good material could have come from everything that we see on screen. Zazie Beetz proved that she can be pretty damn funny and commanding this past summer as Domino, but her character's personality traits are seemingly limited to being irritable and "I'm out for revenge." Performers such as Paul Scheer and Chris Parnell are comedians that we should treasure and never waste, and they damn sure try their best with the lines that they're delivering. Hell, even Chance the Rapper, making his film debut here shows a lot of promise. What it all boils down to here is the source material (a.k.a. the script) being utterly lousy. Very few, if any of the jokes land and most are structured the same way that a "laugh track" TV comedy show is. The horror aspects don't feel particularly scary, or come close to anything resembling even mild tension. Worst of all, the entire experience just feels far more boring than something with this much talent ever should. On more than a few occasions, I thought that this could do much better as a television series. In the hands of someone with far more experience and a little supervision, the sheer absurdity and hidden metaphors that they try to insert into its running time could work wonders instead of stumble around.


While I have to give Slice points for originality, the film as a whole just feels like wasted potential. I'm sure that the late night stoner audiences will bolster this picture's legacy a smidge, but for me, it's a shockingly dull miss from a company that is usually very reliable when it comes to quality releases (still love you though A24). I'm going to be legitimately shocked if I remember much of anything about this one when Halloween comes around next week. Still, if you want to give this one a try and join in any future discussions about it, Slice is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.




Tomorrow, I feel the need to spice things up. Let's see what some "Vinegar" can do....

Unseen Terror 2015: Day 8

It is the year 1462, and Vlad Dracula has returned from a long, hard-fought battle to find that his wife Elisabeta, despondent over a false letter telling of her husband's demise, has committed suicide. Incensed over the fact that she is now most likely damned, Dracula defiles the chapel he stands in, renouncing the lord while swearing that he will rise embedded with the power of darkness on his side. Four centuries later, paralegal solicitor Jonathan Harker receives a request from a fellow colleague to take on one solitary, if not slightly unusual person as a client, and he travels to the land of Transylvania to meet with the mysterious individual. Upon arrival, "Count Dracula" greets Harker, but catches a glimpse of a photograph with the visage of Jonathan's fiancee, who bears an uncanny resemblance to his own long lost love, and whom he will do anything to reunite with.

Generally, after I compile my list of entries for every year's iteration of this marathon (of sorts), I keep my choices hidden from my friends and family. This year, I did stick to my guns, save for perhaps a tiny amount of people. Their primary reaction was usually something along the lines of "How the hell have you never seen Day Of The Dead?" The secondary one was "You haven't seen Bram Stoker's Dracula? What is wrong with you?" So, at the behest of these various inquirers, I decided to go with Francis Ford Coppola's (The Godfather, The Outsiders) reimagining of the beloved piece of literature for the 1992 "day," rather than the science fiction oddity known as The Lawnmower Man. Did I make the right choice?

Well, I'd like to say that I did indeed you silly ninnies. Though this certainly wouldn't be the only modernized update of a classic monster story to be released in the 1990s (Kenneth Branagh's adaptation of Frankenstein is something I will seek out one day), it was one of the first to expose my generation to the classic Dracula mythos and to paint him as a tragic villain, rather than that of an ungodly, evil beast. Its opening sets this in stone, with a quick backstory and voiceover that thankfully doesn't go on for too long, yet doesn't feel criminally short. Mind you, the narratives in Dracula are seen and heard in droves, to the point where it almost becomes comical or irritating. Of course, if you want to talk comical, most of Dracula's initial controversy came from its casting for the "lovebirds" that nearly every horror fan knows about: Jonathan Harker and Mina Murray. While Winona Ryder does a commendable job as the woman being pursued and seduced by the prince of darkness, she already had a good enough track record to ride off of, and had been established as a credible performer. As for Keanu Reeves? Well, despite some breakout roles in the likes of Point Break and My Own Private Idaho, this seemed like too large of a task for him to handle. Truth be told, I've always found the character of Harker to be a bit a bit on the bland side, but jeez, he should never be portrayed as a block of wood. Sadly, both players do noticeably suffer with being able to maintain a proper English accent, and it was no wonder that Mr. Reeves was the butt of numerous parodies through animation and live action programs of that decade. Perhaps if they had decided to tell Keanu at the last minute that him and Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride) were switching places, most of those would've never occurred.

However, somebody who can always persevere in even the lousiest or sketchiest of movies is the amazing Gary Oldman (The Professional, Harry Potter, The Dark Knight). It did shock me a tad to discover that the only award he seemed to receive for his representation was a Saturn Award, which is by no means an insult, but for anyone who can combine romanticism, creepiness, and sadness as well as Oldman did, it's still marginally baffling. He taunts and teases with the idea that vampirism and eternal life could be quite enchanting, but has to suddenly remember that it can be equally horrific, with the latter's painful effects permeating through the loud, anguished, and often erotic cries of transformation into something beyond human (relative unknown Sadie Frost does this to great effect as Lucy Westenra). Anthony Hopkins (The Silence Of The Lambs, Thor) also shows up as Abraham Van Helsing, the legendary archenemy to the strigoi. To say that he's good is to say that water is wet, and nothing more needs to be mentioned of it. Oh yeah, and it has musician Tom Waits as the mentally unstable Renfield. No, that wasn't a typo.

Hit or miss acting aside, what did draw me to Coppola's Dracula was ultimately the visual and technical aspects of the flick. The various forms of makeup and costuming that our count dons throughout the picture is a thing of beauty, enabling him to fully immerse himself in the role, no matter the situation. Many toasts should be given to the trio who worked on this aspect of the film, as their track records of such classics like The Howling, Edward Scissorhands, and Quest For Fire show that they were ready for the job. The set locations and designs of Transylvania and London are the pure definition of glamorized horror, proving to be equally eerie, strange, and compelling. Unfortunately, there are points where it feels like those who finalized these decisions were in love a little too much with their own ideas, but as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

I can see why Bram Stoker's Dracula divided so many moviegoers upon arrival in 1992. It's unexpectedly over-the-top at times, which is all the more shocking when you consider the track record of its director. Some of its casting borders on being called perplexing, and the final results reflect it. Still, I can't quite figure out why none of that bothered me a great deal by the time its two hour running time had ended. Perhaps it was my desire to see another truly engaging vampire film that I could one day add to my DVD or Blu-Ray collection? Or perhaps it was solely because of how god damn good Gary Oldman and Anthony Hopkins are in their roles of the antagonist and hero? In the end, I believe that the total package's positives FAR outweigh its negatives. And for that, I can cast no real ill feelings towards it. Bram Stoker's Dracula is currently available to stream for $2.99 on Amazon Prime, and can be purchased in assorted formats on home video.

For my closing comments, I leave you with this animated piece for what I assume was a proposed followup to this piece of nostalgia.

Tomorrow, Chris Griffin and Carlton Banks try to survive against mutated, bloodthirsty arachnids.......I sure know how to choose em.......