Sadly, Perlman's presence ends up being the only truly memorable aspect of Desperation. It is truly criminal that before the movie hits the halfway mark, he disappears and save for one small flashback, doesn't return. It's a damn shame too, since he's in full-on "Raging Ron" mode, and seems to be having the time of his life playing the character. Nobody else, including Alien alum Tom Skerritt and Wings lead Steven Weber, are given the most distinctive of personalities, and for what traits do shine through, ultimately make them feel like inadequate versions of other King creations.
On the plus side, I didn't thoroughly dislike Desperation as a whole, as it does contain a fairly interesting twist surrounding the evil antagonist that while suspected, does throw a wrench in the works. It's also a far quicker watch than other, far worse adaptations such as The Langoliers. But unless you feel like spending money on YouTube or Amazon to watch it, it isn't required viewing. If you must watch everything affiliated with the man who gave us Maximum Overdrive though, then go right ahead.
The plot of 2017's Gremlin (come on guys) concerns a family who is gifted a mysterious box that contains a little, maniacal monster who comes out whenever it feels like, kills someone, and retreats back into its cubed container. More of a surprise comes to our heroes when they discover that there is no traditional way to kill the bugger, and the only way that you can seem to defeat or rid yourself of it is by passing the box along to someone else that you truly love.
See that poster above? It is, to be as blunt as I possibly can, a complete lie and utter bullshit. The titular beast only grows in size towards the end of the picture, with a small group of police officers and nobodies being left to fight against it. No helicopters. No planes. No Zach Galligan. Worse yet, that battle lasts less than two minutes and doesn't necessarily conclude, but rather just...stops. During Gremlin's running time, I just kept wondering why I wasn't watching a number of superior motion pictures. These include the likes of Gremlins, Gremlins 2: The New Batch, Krampus, Thinner, Hellraiser, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, and Hellboy II: the Golden Army. The latter in particular was permanently stuck in my mind, as the design of the monster bears a striking resemblance to the "tooth fairies" from that picture. The group of actors and actresses in here aren't doing too terrible of a job considering the pretty awful dialogue that they have to work with, but if we were supposed to feel sorry for our lead's (who resembled a distant cousin of Sharlto Copley) predicaments and poor decisions that he had made, then they failed miserably. We might be early into this year's marathon, but he could take the cake for the worst protagonist of any movie that I've watched so far.
It seems like the filmmakers behind Gremlin had good intentions and ambitions. Had they possibly been given a larger budget or better studio backing, I feel like a more well-rounded motion picture could have been churned out to the general public. Instead, it has far too many flaws that are difficult to ignore for me to recommend. I suppose that you could do worse though, especially if you decide to rent this from a local Redbox station like I did.
We conclude the sixth day with the lone (DVD) purchase that I made from last weekend's trip to Monster Mania in Hunt Valley, MD. I knew diddly squat about 1988's The Rejuvenator (alternately titled Rejuvenatrix) other than the description on the back said that fans of From Beyond and Re-Animator should flock to this. I was extremely indecisive on the day that I finally purchased the disc, but I buckled under pressure since I didn't want to come home with nothing but signed pictures or photographs. Plus, considering that the bootleg copy that I snagged cost a mere five dollars, I decided to take the risk and try it out.
I am beyond happy that I took such a chance, as The Rejuvenator is a pleasantly surprising trip. The movie's plot surrounds a scientist named Dr. Gregory Ashton, who has been working on a formula that would help people attain eternal youth and beauty. Behind the scenes, his primary backer has been an aging actress named Elizabeth Warren (yes, really), who fears that because she is getting older, she will fade away into obscurity and receive no work in the future. Eventually, he perfects his serum, and Ms. Warren offers herself as his first human test subject. To the surprise of many, the aging reversal is successful. Also to the surprise of everyone is the fact that Dr. Ashton has been using brains to make his formula, and unless one is constantly injected, they may deteriorate and turn into a hideous, murderous shell of their former selves.
Despite sporting a limited budget and a cast of relative unknowns, The Rejuvenator wears its influence on its sleeve, and we are all the more thankful for it. The movie liberally shows its love for older pictures such as The Wasp Woman, The Fly, and more recent (at the time) efforts such as the aforementioned Re-Animator. But it never feels shameless or as if it were pandering, and does its damnedest to try and tell a good story with fun characters. Vivian Lanko is a hoot to watch as the younger version of Elizabeth, as she channels some the most over-the-top actresses from the 1940s and 1950s while adding some delightfully sinister urges that continuously grow the longer that the flick goes on. I find it rather sad that she never appeared in any other pictures, be they horror or not, after 1992. Hopefully she's doing well these days. John MacKay as the troubled scientist who creates these age-defying injections is fun too, if not slightly overshadowed by his costar. Other individuals pop up here and there, although it does feel as if they should just be wearing red shirts for the audience to see (save for a hardened, British detective who is a dead ringer for an Earth-2 version of Julian Sands).
When you take into consideration the fact that The Rejuvenator was made for less than a quarter of a million dollars, it's quite surprising that the effects work is as good as it is. Beginning at around the forty minute mark, the decaying and transformations of Warren's physical being is delightfully gross to observe. There were times where it felt like I was revisiting the sleazy world of Street Trash again, but nobody is melting into a pile of blue and green goo while stuck inside of a toilet seat this time around. The designs of the beast(s) is adequate as well, if not slightly familiar. I've noticed that most bootlegs of the movie come with a quote on the cover from Variety magazine, stating that it boasts "elaborate make-up effects," and I can't disagree.
Far from a masterpiece, but definitely not a turd, The Rejuvenator makes for a fun watch and is a nice movie to show off to your friends who are looking for something new to try (ex: "Yeah you've seen that. *pull out copy* But have you seen THIS?"). As I stated above, it isn't legally available to purchase on DVD or Blu-ray yet, though perhaps if someone reliable such as Vestron Video, Arrow Video, or even Shout! Factory would be willing to dig up this hidden gem and give it the proper release that it deserves, then that would be wonderful. I can only imagine the behind the scenes stories that must be attached to this trippy experience.
Tomorrow, we take a trip to Japan and say hello to Toho! However, this time, their usual kaiju visitors won't be coming along for the ride...
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