Unseen Terror 2015: Day 19

Serving as a psychiatrist in a mental hospital, Dr. Miranda Grey has been perplexed by her one of her patient's erratic and psychotic fits, screaming that she has been raped several times while confined behind the walls. Miranda tries her best to not let it bother her, as the comfort of her husband Douglas always seems to help with keeping her grounded. While driving home during a rather stormy evening, the good doctor nearly hits a girl standing in the middle of the road. She offers to call the police or emergency rescue for this stranger, but the woman grabs Dr. Grey and yells wildly, causing her to suddenly and seemingly pass out. After regaining consciousness, Miranda discovers that she is sitting inside of a cell at her own place of employment, having been accused of murdering her own beloved partner.

I should thank my stars and garters that actress Halle Berry doesn't partake in social media. Why you may ask? Because I feel that before I dive into my review for 2003's Gothika, I should discuss her filmography prior to this flick's release. Throughout most of her tenure, the future Ororo Munroe had what could be considered a questionable resume at best, with critical opinions seemingly all over the map. Then, she starred in 1998's political comedy Bulworth, which reminded audiences that she can act rather well when the script is solid and she is surrounded by equally strong performers. For the next four and a half years, Berry followed that up with several big hits such as Swordfish, a big screen iteration of Marvel's X-Men, James Bond entry Die Another Day, and even won herself an Academy Award for the powerful Monster's Ball. After a nice turn in X2: X-Men United, something catastrophic happened. That particular event was 2004's dreadful Catwoman, which will go down as a comic book adaptation that is so atrocious, it will make you want to revisit that OTHER dud from this year and remind yourself that

Soon, the string of hit or miss pictures came tumbling in once more with X-Men: The Last Stand, Robots, and Perfect Stranger being notable, if not unimpressive standouts. If you ask me though, I think that we can trace the real beginning of this stream of strange choices to Mathieu Kassovitz's supernatural horror film Gothika, which still stands as the top grossing picture to be affiliated with production company Dark Castle Entertainment. Don't recognize that name? Well, they were formed by Hollywood notables Robert Zemeckis (Back To The Future, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump), Joel Silver (Predator, Die Hard), and Gilbert Adler (Bordello Of Blood, Demon Knight) as a tribute to 50s and 60s horror icon William Castle. Originally, the plans were going to revolve around remaking the director's most influential works, but the trio only got away with accomplishing this three times (House Of Max, Thir13en Ghosts, House On Haunted Hill) before settling into picking up original concepts instead. Ideas like the preachy mess known as The Reaping. And I'm sorry that I had to bring up those aforementioned movies when you were probably still drinking so that you could ignore their existence.

With all of that being said, I'm going to come to Berry's defense here. Most of what makes Gothika such an insufferable bore has nothing to do with its lead actress. She does her best to act surprised and scared when she's initially thrown into the asylum (which seems to resemble a prison more than a mental institution), though she could learn to scream a tad less. It borders dangerously close to Laura Regan-levels of annoyance, but at least I didn't find myself wanting to fall asleep like I did with They. Heck, even her main supporting cast like Penelope Cruz (Vanilla Sky) and Robert Downey Jr. (Iron Man, Tropic Thunder), for what importance they may possibly serve, are at least attempting to act with straight faces. No, what kills Gothika is that its script is utter, cliched crap, filled with way too many instances of scenes that feature exchanges of dialogue lifted from straight-to-video flicks. Perhaps that isn't too shocking when you see that screenwriter Sebastian Gutierrez's other works include Rise: Blood Hunter, She Creature, and the notorious Snakes On A Plane. If you have anything resembling a functioning brain, your first pondering hunch that relates to a plot point is most likely going to end up being true. I lost count with how many times I saw something coming from a mile away, including its main twist and final sequence. Speaking of that, the most terrifying aspect of Gothika comes from having to listen to Limp Bizkit's cover of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" that plays over the end credits. Thank god rap-rock and nu metal are mostly dead. Well, unless you're stuck in the hardcore punk scene, where it seems to have made an ironic comeback.

Given that I was originally going to type a mere sentence akin to "this movie is bad and you should feel bad," I think that I've talked about this motion picture more than any human being in this decade should have ever done. If you're a newcomer to this beloved genre, then there may be some slight, easy enjoyment to be had with Gothika. If you're relatively experienced or have actually partaken in viewing films released prior to the previous two decades, or if  you can't stomach awful editing and lighting that makes Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem seem like a 3D Disney movie, I see no reason for you to waste your time on this annoying, predictable dreck. At the time of this review, Halle Berry's first foray into horror is available to purchase on DVD and Blu-Ray, and can be rented for $2.99 on Amazon Prime and Youtube.

Tomorrow, it's shark time motherfuckers! Unfortunately, the time for Open Water has passed, but perhaps I can look even further into the past for a good time...