While working on creating a teleportation machine, young scientific prodigy Reed Richards is scouted, and eventually recruited by, the director for a research institute that specializes in bringing out the best in gifted minds. After meeting the director's children Johnny and Sue, along with another star student named Victor, the group begins working on a larger, more accurate version of Reed's invention. When the experiment is a success, they are thanked, but not given the rights to venture into the new worlds that could be discovered along the way. Going out of their way to disobey their elders, the men of the group, along with Reed's childhood friend Ben Grimm, partake in a "test run" to an unknown planet, wherein they encounter something far more dangerous than they expected, and, upon a very explosive return, will alter them in more ways than they could have ever imagined.
Not too long ago, I wrote a review for Marvel's Ant-Man, another new entry in the realm of cinema with a rather troubled history when it came to being completed and released to the general public. When you consider the problematic production and all other things that could have sank the Peyton Reed-directed flick, I thought that the final product was rather exceptional. It balanced humor and action without falling on its own face, while standing tall as a rather solid installment in the very overcrowded realm of superhero-based motion pictures. Ant-Man was proof that you can still overcome the odds and come out on top.
Which is why it honestly does break my heart that the 2015 reboot of comic book legends Fantastic Four is as bad as it is, making for a compelling argument that perhaps the "first family" of Marvel Comics just aren't meant for success on the silver screen. At the very least, they won't find true happiness until they are put into the hands of writers and executives who understand and care about the team, or better yet, much like their wall-crawling friend, they are released back to the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
If you're unfamiliar with this rather odd lot, the two elements that make this team at the end of the day are very basic: fun and chemistry. All of the team's powers make them unique as individuals, as do their attitudes and quirks. Sure, Whiplash star Miles Teller does actually manage to get Reed Richards down relatively well, as the character is a bit egotistical, bordering on being a jerk (one child in the film even flat out says "You're a dick," which may have been improvised so that Teller could remember who he was playing). Hell, even Friday Night Lights star Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Bell of Billy Elliot fame (yes, he was the title character) are halfway decent as Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm. However, if you go back to the latter element that I mentioned in my first sentence, there is not a single trace of magic to be found between any of our main stars. None. You don't get the feeling that these people could be friends outside of this wildly dangerous scenario that they happen to be a part of. True, the Fantastic Four of the comic books could also fall victim to family turmoil, but they balanced it all out by still caring for one another in the end. Oh, and if you're wondering why Kate Mara (House Of Cards) as Sue Storm has been omitted from this paragraph until now, it's because I'll be happy to write a fair critique or evaluation of the lady after she wakes up from the sleepwalking that she called a performance.
Moving on to the former element, that which we have dubbed "fun." If you read a mainstream comic book, be it related to this property or not, you are expected to have a good time. If it means reading something wonderfully weird such as Scott Pilgrim, or even something as insanely misanthropic as Crossed, you are glued to the pages that you hold in your hand. Look at recent big screen displays such as Mad Max: Fury Road or John Wick for the film equivalent of such things. When one's definition of fun in Fantastic Four is watching a video of The Thing beat up someone while working for the army, but not actually seeing him do it as it is happening, then you may to reevaluate your decisions in the screenwriting department. By the time that we get an honest-to-god real battle with supervillain Doctor Doom (which isn't until the final fifteen or twenty minutes), too much time has passed with the characters having spent most of it moping and doping around, not acting like superheroes or even giving any indication that they could ever become one. Boring, tedious, and meandering are too kind of words to use for the setup for this sequence. Oh, and if you had a disdain for Marvel's previous portrayals of the Latverian overlord, you had better hope that you're chewing gum when (or if) you see this picture. You may grind your teeth into dust out of frustration without it being on hand.
While on the way home from this screening, I kept telling myself that while Fantastic Four was certainly not very good, it wasn't awful. I did sit through the previous installment with these characters, and found it to be gutter trash. After all, most of the acting is fairly decent, as is the first ten minutes with Reed Richards and Ben Grimm's first time meeting one another as children. If you get past the fairly dated-looking computer effects, it isn't that offensive to look at either. Was the review embargo for this warranted? Did it deserve the overwhelming amount of negativity flowing towards it as if the movie itself was a magnet? It took me approximately twenty five seconds to determine the answer to these questions: OH. FUCK. YES. When even your own director (Josh Trank of the excellent Chronicle fame) comes out and says that this is not the vision he initially had, then you are in serious trouble. There are fragments of a great motion picture in here that you can feel are just dying to come out should Trank have been given better control and not been forced into rewrites and reshoots. But at the end of the day, the final product isn't exciting, isn't funny, and worst of all, just isn't wholly memorable. If you absolutely have to go to your local cineplex this weekend, I'd advise you to find a way to sneak inside and watch the trailer for 2016's Deadpool, and then leave before Fantastic Four begins. There's a good chance that you'll leave happier and more enthused about your weekend than if you ever paid to watch this one hundred minute-long fecal waterslide.
I'd also suggest bringing a flask so that you may take swigs every time that Kate Mara's hair changes from brown to blonde due to poor editing. Then again, I don't want any of you to die from alcohol poisoning.
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