Anyways, one of the main reasons that I wanted to acknowledge this certain gentleman is because last year, he reviewed a handful of episodes from the classic weekly horror anthology known as Tales From The Crypt. Incidentally, I figured that perusing an old nostalgic program could be a good idea for this year's list, although it isn't my most original scheme whatsoever. True, it can be considered cheating to take a detour and watch a television show instead of an actual motion picture, but hell, this is my blog, and I can do what I like thank you very much. Also, most of the pictures released in 1998 that I could cover are ones that I've seen far too many times as it is (there is nothing interesting that I can say about The Faculty, Ringu, or Bride Of Chucky that hasn't already been uttered by anybody with a pulse).
In less than thirty hours, a big screen tribute to author R.L. Stine's Goosebumps books will make its way to theaters across the nation. Though I admittedly have very little memory of the novels themselves, I do recall reading a good chunk of them in my youth, so my interest is most certainly piqued. Oddly enough, I legitimately forgot that there was a TV show already based on these works that ran for roughly three years. Perhaps I had erased most of it from my mind, and that was most likely due to having lost most of my interest in the Goosebumps universe by the time that this hit the air. Hell, when you're a curious preteen, the realization that you can sneak in viewings of stuff like Friday The 13th and Stephen King adaptations makes these look quite tame in comparison. Still, most of the years in which I've done Unseen Terror have consisted of occasional revisits to my childhood, even if some entries are flicks that I probably should have first viewed during my youthful ignorance. So, let's take a gander at some select episodes and hope that they age like fine convenience store wine.
The Haunted Mask is (debatably) Stine's most infamous work to wield the Goosebumps name, and the first of his books to be adapted for the series (the bloody thing even had its own separate premiere). It concerns a young girl named Carly Beth (whose name must've been spoken or yelled about forty times within less than an hour) who is constantly pranked or frightened by her more rambunctious friends. To prepare for Halloween night, she sneaks into an old party store, and steals a grotesque-looking mask, hoping that she can utilize it to scare everyone who has bothered her as of late. You can probably guess where this story goes from here. I do recall the cover to The Haunted Mask being something that stands out like a sore thumb, but the disguise utilized for this two part episode doesn't look too terrible, especially when you imagine that they still have to keep it safe for kids. I don't feel good critiquing the acting for this one (save for Stine, whose intro to the episode made you wonder if he was trying to channel Steven Wright on quaaludes), but it didn't exactly reek of future employment for any of the younger members of the cast. It'll make for a passable watch if you have children of your own, but that's about it.
One of my personal favorites that I used to check out from the library, A Shocker On Shock Street revolves around a boy and girl who are fanatical about a brand of motion pictures released under the "Shock Street" banner. As luck would have it, the latter's father happens to be working on a new attraction revolving around this these themes, and they are asked to be test subjects, so that the designers may ensure that nothing will go awry. Of course, kids are gonna be kids, so they decide to (literally) step outside of their boundaries, and bad things occur. Though it lacks the presence of giant praying mantises that its source material had, Shocker makes for an acceptably good time, especially since you can relate to these two whippersnappers. After all, who wouldn't be excited if something similar to this popped up, but with real life studios such as Troma Entertainment or Toho? Add on a fairly nice twist during its conclusion, and you've got something that shouldn't have been as entertaining as it was.
Unfortunately, I wish that I could say the same for The Blob That Ate Everyone, which may have been my only legitimate disappointment out of the gaggle of Goosebumps episodes that I watched. A young man named Zack loves to pen and read scary stories, and when he and his friend Alex come across a dilapidated store that's been ravaged by lightning, they stumble upon an old typewriter that intrigues the aspiring writer. With the permission of the contraption's previous owner, they take it back to Zack's abode, giving him new inspiration. However, with every new sentence that is typed on the device, things that are pondered begin to become a reality. The concept behind Blob is fairly interesting, and even the titular creature itself doesn't look TOO mediocre, but because it's a standalone, singular installment, it feels horribly rushed and confined. Turning this one into a two-parter would've been a much wiser decision, especially since the ending from the source material was inarguably more memorable. Just make sure that when or if you're searching for this one online, your naive child doesn't accidentally stumble across the 1988 iteration of The Blob instead.
Chuck Russell's "The Blob" is NOT for kids. Unless your kid is a bad, fearless motherfucker.
Creator R.L. Stine has reportedly gone on record stating that The Cuckoo Clock Of Doom is his own personal favorite Goosebumps tale, and it isn't hard to see why. Michael Webster is constantly being harassed and framed for troublesome incidents by his little sister Tara, who always feigns innocence around their parents. After his twelfth birthday, wherein his sibling ruins nearly every fun moment to be had, he's convinced that things will never get any better. When his father brings home an old, long-admired cuckoo clock, he urges that nobody touch the antique out of fear that something will be broken (that and some little ditty about a possible curse). Michael decides to tamper with the relic, keeping his fingers crossed that the blame will be thrust upon Tara for once. When he wakes up the next morning, he is befuddled to find out that he has gone back to the date of his previous birthday party, and that he may have created a time vortex which could lead to his own erasure from existence. Yes, the debate about how often time travel is going to bring genuine terror to horror audiences is most likely never going to end, but Cuckoo is still a finely told tale that could have easily made for a decent full-length feature film (if any budget was handed out of course), though its shockingly nihilistic, ambiguous ending could cause some parents to take their kids aside and tell them not to listen to or be influenced by what they just saw. Hmm....in terms of getting them introduced to the darker side of media, maybe that's actually a good thing.
I recall Monster Blood having several sequels in the realm of literature, but was unaware that rather than wait another season or two to do a direct followup, it did one immediately afterwards for its live action reworking. Seeing as how both installments differ drastically in terms of setting, it would have been much easier to review this tale of a kid who discovers a case of green goo nicknamed "monster blood" in his strange aunt's room that much easier. The primary tale has a slightly more mystic theme to it, with the origins of the titular slime being steeped more in magic than in science. It also has some acting that could be on par with the very worst of early 2000s pictures like Dungeons & Dragons. Still, it's corny enough to warrant a thumbs up. The next installment, appropriately titled More Monster Blood, was sadly not based on any previously existing material, but it's a lot more amusing than one would think it'd be. Its thirty minutes feel more akin to a homage to The Blob than the aforementioned tale that shares the creature's name. It's got the power to expand exponentially, it's a tad bit on the gross side, and the acting is just as hokey as it was in the 1958 feature. Why, even the slop that is the monster blood itself looks eerily similar to the green screen effect from nearly sixty years ago. I would have preferred to see Stine's sixteenth novel get the small screen treatment (solely so that I could watch a giant hamster on my computer), but these make for good times regardless.
So yeah, my trip down the memory lane that was Goosebumps wrapped up with mixed results, but honestly, I don't know that I expected anything else. Did it deter me from wanting to take a trip to the movie theater sometime this weekend? Absolutely not. If anything, my only conclusion that I reached after sitting through several hours of this very distinctively Canadian production was this: the 90s were a weird time to be a horror fan, no matter the age range.
Tomorrow, we're notably leaving the realm of material meant for children, and heading right back to dumb teenagers doing dumb teenage things. Well, if you count having a possessed body part that kills other human beings as "dumb....."
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