Unseen Terror 2014: Day 7

One random day, a silent thug named Han-ki notices a beautiful young woman conversing with her boyfriend on the streets. Though she stares at this man as if he were a lowly, filthy dog, he forces himself on to the woman in broad daylight, kissing her intensely while her boyfriend struggles to break up the embrace. With the help of nearby soldiers, she breaks free and he is publicly beaten, and thusly humiliated. Shortly thereafter, Han-ki sets out to ruin her life, eventually forcing her into a life of prostitution. And yet, through all of this sudden darkness and embarrassment, why can he not stop obsessing over and protecting a woman who has wronged him so?


Okay, now THIS was a mistake. Yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised by my viewing of 2010's Bedevilled, a film that one could argue isn't a true horror movie, but more of a thriller. Whatever you choose to call it, the picture was remarkably made and at times, very disturbing. Unlike the former, however, director Kim Ki-duk's Bad Guy, is not a horror movie. At all. The best comparison would be a dark, eerily romantic drama. I will confess to being lead astray and just plain bamboozled when I read the synopsis off of the DVD that I purchased from a now-defunct Blockbuster Video quite some time ago.


So because of that, I feel that I owe those of you taking the time to read any of this year's entries a real horror movie review. And with that, I can just sum this picture up with these next few sentences. The movie is more of a twisted, and yet oddly poetic take on voyeurism and stockholm syndrome, with almost disturbingly realistic portrayals of pimps, gangsters, and whores occupying its cast. It's well-directed and well-acted, though it can be hard to keep up with, especially with how slow it moves. Overall, it seems like one of many pictures that I would have caught years ago at a random screening in an independent theater. You'll either like the film a lot for uniquely provocative and sucking you into a very strange love story, or find it misogynistic, boring, and at times nonsensical. I'll have to get back to you guys in a few days so that I may tell you where I officially stand.



But let's move on to a real horror movie now, shall we?

During a visit to the morgue, a rather ghastly-looking coroner tells us of three different tales of terror for any unexpected visitors who have decided to drop in. The first revolves about a young woman's inaugural night working at her new, mostly isolated gas station job. Our second story focuses on an older man obsessed with keeping what hair he has on the top of his head left, and possibly gaining more, regardless of what the cost may be. Finally, our third segment will take us into the life of a once-promising baseball player who has received an experimental eye transplant after a car accident claimed one of his own, though calling this procedure a "success" might not be the most accurate of descriptions. 


Thank goodness for John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper. Interestingly enough, I had actually planned on viewing their horror anthology Body Bags much later during the month. As my own incompetence would have it though, it shot itself higher up on the list, mostly being used as a remedy and apology for the film above (not that Bad Guy is a terrible film). And besides, even at their absolute worst (*coughVillage of the Damned, The Manglercough*), the masters behind Halloween, The Thing, Poltergeist, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre among others, can still manage to conjure up something watchable.


Right off the bat, I could tell that Body Bags wasn't meant to be taken too seriously, harking back to classic television shows from the 1980s such as "Tales From the Crypt" and "Tales From the Darkside." Not surprisingly, this was originally pitched to the Showtime Network back in 1993 as a newer horror-based television show, but the channel and its executives at the time decided against picking it up for syndication. This desire and adoration for the aforementioned programs is made all the more present by John Carpenter himself playing our host, covered in three hours' worth of makeup, and only identified as "The Coroner" during the closing credits. He is appropriately kooky, spouting off the occasional one-liner and really corny pun, though thankfully it doesn't become overkill as it would with the now-infamous pop culture icon that we've all come to know as "The Cryptkeeper." Don't get me wrong folks, I respect and dig that ghoulish little freak, but he doesn't exactly age well (pun intended I suppose), and most of the jokes uttered by him age about as well as a moldy bag of fruit.


Moving on and diving into the stories themselves, our first one up is entitled "The Gas Station," which takes place in the fictional town of Haddonfield, Illinois (location of the first Halloween movie!), and revolves around a newly-employed woman being incredibly cautious during her first night at work, especially after her fellow coworker has informed her of a serial killer having broken out recently. Despite some decent blood and makeup work, and the cinematography helping convey a good sense of paranoia, the first segment is honestly the weakest of the three. It's a bit too formulaic and predictable, coming across as something from a leftover weekend writing session. Hell, it even features a small sequence of Carpenter recycling his own material (Halloween's blurred "fake out" shot), which is just odd to behold coming from someone of this caliber. Mostly skippable.


I can most likely discuss "Hair" and "Eye," the final two segments in Body Bags, within this same paragraph. Both feature our recognizable leads (Stacy Keach, Mark Hamill) receiving transplants that seem out of the ordinary (a hairpiece, an eyeball), both feature said leads' girlfriends and/or wives initially becoming marveled with the miracles of modern science, if not a little upset after some time has passed and their personalities have become slightly warped, and both stories lead to shocking revelations about where these new body parts emigrated from. Though I think that both of the final pieces of this compilation are worthwhile and adequately made, "Hair" takes the gold medal as the most entertaining story, solely based on Stacy Keach's delightfully fun and amusing performance as a man who marginally resembled my own father (at least during the height of his "rock and roll" period), but is far more frightened of going bald than any person that I've ever known. His doctor is played by the always excellent David Warner, who could read excrement from the likes of Danielle Steel and still make it sound awesome. Mark Hamill is the lead in "Eye," and he isn't too shabby either given that he has to convey many more emotions than Keach does during his tale, but I have to deduct points from it for one single thing: I have never, EVER wanted to see Luke Skywalker's bare naked ass. Thank you gentlemen. I'll go wash my eyes out with bleach and napalm now.


One more positive about this fun little anthology is its abundance of notable cameos, particularly from the horror and "cult" film genres. I wouldn't have a problem disclosing some of them now, but I have invested far too much time tonight watching films and working at my store. Okay, that's a fancy way of me saying that I'm very tired and want to go to sleep as soon as humanly possible. It's disappointing that Body Bags didn't make the cut for Showtime and become a regular, recurring show for them. It's even worse that we never saw a followup feature with more assorted stories. But for now, you can enjoy the film free of charge on internet sites such as Youtube. And if you end up grabbing a bag of popcorn, a twelve pack of beer, and a few open-minded friends, you can even order the recently-released Blu-Ray of the film from any retail store or internet shopping network, complete with interviews and several commentary tracks!



But as I said above, you'll have to look at Mark Hamill's behind. And in HD for that matter. *shudder*



Tomorrow, I ignore a motion picture's own advice, as I choose to view Don't Go In The Woods!