Into the Hive Presents: End of the Line (Part 5)

At the time of this writing, the 89th annual Academy Awards is less than thirty minutes away from airing. So, without further adieu, here are the remaining twelve choices in my personal countdown, and what would be considered my take on a "best of" list.

12. Green Room



If you're expecting me to gush over Jeremy Saulnier's intense, horrifying, and all-around excellent follow-up to the riveting Blue Ruin, then I have some very bad news for you: I've done it before. And if you have access to Amazon Prime, you can view this story about a touring punk rock band who is forcibly locked inside of a neo-Nazi club after they stumble upon a murder scene for no extra charge.

11. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story



If rebellions are built on hope, then director Gareth Edwards' prequel to the original, titular juggernaut from 1977 delivered the best one that we could have asked for. Admittedly, the new batch of characters aren't nearly as well-rounded as they should be, but they are all instantly memorable and chocked full of the traits and characteristics that made us fall in love with the franchise oh so many decades ago. The final battle on the planet Scarif is the modern day, fantasy equivalent to the opening sequence from Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan.

10. The Nice Guys



Much like yesterday's entries such as Popstar and The Handmaiden, writer/director Shane Black's (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) hilariously clever action-comedy-mystery thriller was managed to near-perfection in every subcategory. The plot, though slightly tricky to pay attention to at times, revolves around two private investigators and their decision to take on the case of a missing adult film star. The Nice Guys was an undeserving bomb at the box office, though the lot of folks who did bother to see it during its opening weekend were treated to witty, snappy, and smart dialogue coupled with a surprisingly interesting narrative and developed cast of characters. Thankfully, HBO Go users can track this down and make it up to themselves by catching it now rather than later. Plus, Shane Black is still getting the chance to direct a new Predator installment, so maybe there was still a bit of light in the dark for the uber-talented guy?

9. Hell or High Water



Admittedly, I'm cheating by throwing this neo-Western flick onto my list, because I only managed to catch it less than a week ago. Attributing this to laziness or lack of luck from the Redbox (cue me shaking my fist angrily at getting two different copies that would not play) will only get me so far though. Regardless, I was ecstatic to finally view what many of friends were calling a triumphant effort in the crime/thriller genres, and they were not wrong whatsoever. Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma) play a couple of brothers from west Texas who have been robbing banks in order to pay off a reverse mortgage on their mother's house. Meanwhile, an elderly sheriff portrayed by Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, Crazy Heart) begins to track them down; expertly piecing together their patterns and next likely targets. Hell or High Water sports a killer list of performances, a GREAT soundtrack (composed by musician Nick Cave and graphic novelist Warren Ellis), and a wild sense of uncertainty. I imagine that over the years, this one will likely grow on me.

8. Arrival



Perhaps the most scientifically accurate depiction of how our own top experts would react to communicating with other world lifeforms, the quiet, slow burn known as Arrival was showered with praise even before it managed to hit theaters (and justifiably so if you ask me). Amy Adams, who absolutely deserved an Oscar nomination for what could easily go down as the best performance of her career, is fascinating to watch and listen to. If you're going into this one expecting another version of entertainment akin to, say, Independence Day, then you will disappointed beyond belief. Those with an open mind who are seeking truly original visions in the occasionally predictable world of modern science fiction will find Dennis Villeneuve (Sicario)'s newest effort spellbinding.

7. Sing Street



Take a good coming-of-age story, throw in elements of The Commitments and School of Rock, and mix in a dash of less-than-stellar Irish upbringing, and you've got one of the better hidden gems of 2016. There's so much amusing charm permeating throughout its brisk running time that you can't help but fall in love. I firmly believe that it was a bit of a crime that writer/director John Carney's (Once) story about a young man who sporadically forms a band in order to impress a girl who hangs outside of his new school didn't make its way into more theaters during its initial theatrical run. It sports a fantastic list of original (and copyrighted) songs, earnest performances, and above all else, has a ton of heart that is undeniably easy to identify with. Seek this one out however you can.

6. Captain America: Civil War



Wait, you're going to debate me on a comic book movie being so high on my personal list? Well, to quote the picture posted above, "I can do this all day." Watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe come together has been an absolute treat, so being given the opportunity to watch the world within it start to unravel and fall apart is equally as thrilling, if not slightly morbid. A story about the concept of accepting the consequences for your (rather big) actions is the most basic way to describe the plot of Civil War, but in a way, this is the true Avengers sequel that we deserve. Though most battles in this are fought amongst the heroes themselves, they are exciting, brilliantly choreographed, and have real meaning to them. Even if I'm slightly concerned for the state of the team and their future once Infinity War has come and gone, at least we have a tremendous piece of work right here to watch on repeat should we choose to.

5. Zootopia 



I love to root for the little guy, and truth be told, that was why Kubo & The Two Strings was originally slotted to appear above Disney's Zootopia. In the end, however, I concluded that this little ditty is just a better picture all-around. It sports very important, and relevant lessons for younger viewers, offers commentary on racism that is so desperately needed in a climate that has unfortunately been overtaken far worse than it ever has been, and serves as a great reminder than you should never be held back from your dreams because they aren't what your "type" normally achieves. Oh, and it's very funny to boot. Did I mention that?

4. Hidden Figures


For once, the Academy Awards actually seems to be acknowledging the amount of incredible motion pictures that African-American filmmakers and/or actors have been churning out over the past few years. The true story of three black women who worked as mathematicians during the "space race" days of NASA was one of the easiest films to root for and get fully wrapped in, as it was just smart enough to not alienate itself from general audiences, but also not blatantly pandering to Joe Public. Everybody was in fine form here, including Empire queen Taraji P. Henson and even The Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons (if you know me, I can go on for hours about why I loathe that show). Though it feels like the movie was slightly shunned in favor of more Hollywood-friendly flicks (a.k.a. La La Land), it's still a great one to track down and add to your queue.

3. Lion



Perhaps one of the most emotional, and slightly overlooked movies of the year, the true story of a young Indian boy who becomes lost on the streets of Calcutta, only to be adopted and seek out his biological mother twenty-five years later is stupendous. Dev Patel reminded us of why people loved him so much in movies such as Slumdog Millionaire, while Nicole Kidman churns out a very somber performance as the woman who just wants her child to be happy, even if he may not be of her own flesh and blood. Yes, the first half of Lion is a little stronger than its second, with a very Charles Dickens-esque aesthetic and structuring, but it doesn't detract from the overall experience. Plus, young newcomer Sunny Pawar is just so adorably innocent, that you may want to take him home with you yourself......but that could be considered illegal very soon. Fucking Trump.

2. Fences



Okay, yes, this adaptation of August Wilson's award-winning play of the same name doesn't fully separate itself from just feeling like a big screen version of a stage production, but god damn, that is such a small, insignificant complaint about this powerful, crushing story of a working-class African-American father attempting to raise his family while struggling with his own problems in life. The always fantastic Denzel Washington sits in the director's chair for the first time since 2007's The Great Debaters, and brings this polarizing, often-times unlikeable lead character to vibrant life, while simultaneously managing to ensure that the immensely talented Viola Davis finally secures her first Oscar win. And by Lemmy, if either of them go home empty-handed after this, I will be legitimately upset.

1. Moonlight


After finally catching a screening of Moonlight, I wasn't quite sure if it would even end up in my top five. But over time, it managed to do what the best of the best usually do: it stuck with me. As outstanding as every other movie is in this entry, this is haunting, oddly poetic, funny, gut-wrenching, and beautiful tale of a young African-American boy and the various stages of his life (each separated by chapter cards representing his different nicknames) is levels above them all. Moonlight's most fascinating and important aspect comes from lead character Chiron having one other distinguishing characteristic about him (that is unjustly ignored in nearly every trailer): he is a homosexual. Yes, we have been treated to a number of stories about how difficult it is to grow up in "the hood," but as long as I can remember, we rarely, if ever see stories such as this one. Actor Mahershala Ali (Predators, House of Cards) steals the show as one of the main character's earliest parental figures, and every actor of every age who plays Chiron is breathtaking with their range and emotion that is put forth on screen. Moonlight isn't just a good coming-of-age film, and it isn't just an incredible motion picture from a very talented African-American filmmaker, but for my money, the best movie of 2016.



And there you have it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to watch a bunch of crusty, rich white men snub the best aspects of cinema from 2016 in favor of the stuff that was....still okay?

Into the Hive Presents: End of the Line (Part 4)

See? I lived up to my promise! The fourth part of the (now) yearly rankings that I have started is up for your reading pleasure. Alas, I can not promise you that these following summaries will be as lengthy as some of my more "legitimate" reviews are, but hopefully I can convince those of you who are still curious to check some of these out in what spare time that you may have these days.

24. Sausage Party



Yep. I ranked an animated comedy about potty-mouthed food items discovering what their (grisly) purpose in life truly is above a movie directed by the Coen Brothers, a Tom Hanks-led picture, and a god damn Marvel movie....no, I do not give you permission to drug test me. However, I can strongly recommend that you check out my full, unbiased review that I typed up back in the month of August. I still stand by my statement that this was the funniest motion picture that I saw in 2016.


Well, until a few months later at least.

23. The Shallows



Speaking of previously-written thoughts, should you have a couple of minutes to spare, here was my prior review for this awesome, unexpected horror/thriller. Without giving away too many details found in that link, I can only say this: if you had told me that the director of the much-maligned House of Wax remake would manage to make a basic concept such as "Blake Lively is stuck on a rock in the middle of the ocean, and a Great White Shark is trying to kill her" work so effectively, I would have dismissed you as truly insane. Instead, what we get is the first truly scary shark film in what felt like an eternity. Bravissimo!


So, how can you top an aquatic killing machine whose sole mission seems to be centered around eating Ryan Reynolds' very talented wife? Who do you turn to for help?


As always, the clear answer is....

Which leads us to....

22. The Witch



Coming seemingly out of nowhere, writer/director Robert Eggers crafted one of the most peculiar, unique, and all-around creepy motion pictures in the realm of horror that managed to stand out in the crowd. I went into The Witch completely blind, knowing nothing other than the setting and the title of the movie itself. Because of that, it took me by surprise when I observed that all of its dialogue was influenced by/lifted from authentic colonial works. This makes the story, which revolves around a banished, secluded Puritan family's attempts at surviving as rumors of evil spirits and the rumored work of darker forces threaten to destroy them all, much more interesting. One has to wonder how much of this fear has been brought about by religious insanity and how much has come from the dark lord's actual influence. If you are seeking originality out of this genre which has been (wrongly) maligned as lacking truly original visions these days, I highly encourage you to track down a copy of this beautifully-shot, well-acted, slow burn of a gem, and let yourself be sucked into its world. And come on, wouldst thou like to live deliciously?

21. Moana



It almost feels utterly pointless discussing Disney's latest foray into their tired and true animated realm (this also being their first musical since that one particular project of theirs flopped sooo hard), but I feel the need to get something out of the way before explaining as to why this is placed so high on my list. After my screening for Moana, the tale of a chief's daughter who seeks to right some wrongs made by a demigod ages ago, I was impressed, but not necessarily blown away. Perhaps it was because of two other animated motion pictures having been released to theaters beforehand that bothered to take bigger chances and attempted to appeal to a larger variety of audiences (I will not spoil as to what those were), or maybe it was due to my belief that the story, though fun, is very basic underneath it all and lacking a memorable antagonist. In the end, those are honestly very minor quips about an otherwise very impressive effort from the hard-working crew at Walt Disney Animation Studios: Moana is packed full of vibrant colors, a phenomenal voice cast (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is on top of his game, and even sings!), a slick sense of humor, and a fan-friggin-tastic soundtrack that is impossible to remove from your head once the first couple of songs have ended. More importantly, it is a great lesson for younger viewers (especially girls) to never abandon your dreams, stick to your guns, and never choose to live a secluded, drab life. Over the next four years, sincerity and advice such as that is going to be sorely needed.

20. The Handmaiden



The truest example of why some directors just shine when they are in their natural element (or when they are free from the boundaries of Hollywood), Oldboy director Park Chan-wook returns to his native South Korea with a vengeance, and delivered one of the more stunning, evocative, and criminally underrated flicks of 2016 with The Handmaiden: a loose adaptation of author Sarah Waters' historical novel Fingersmith. Ever since bursting onto the scene more than two decades ago, Park has developed somewhat of a reputation for throwing a number of twists into his own projects. More often than not, they end up leaving you feeling unclean, aghast, or violated. Given that the film's plot revolves around a poor girl hired by a conman as part of a plan to get on the good side of a naïve Japanese heiress while he himself simultaneously seduces her, you can expect that nothing will be what it seems on the surface. The fantastic mixture of psychological torture and flagrant eroticism (some of the sensuality in here could have earned this an NC-17 rating had it received a wider release) works so effectively, that the rather long running time of 145 minutes will go by quicker than you think. Yes, efforts such as these don't always work, but it is delightful watching a respected filmmaker get the opportunity to work with so little boundaries and managing to pull it off.

19. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping 



This fun mockumentary from the Lonely Island crew, which consists of Saturday Night Live alums Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer, chronicled the ridiculousness relating to the state of the music business in the 21st century. The former plays an egotistical artist whose own solo career has been on fire ever since splitting from his former bandmates. With the release of his sophomore album around the corner, the need to stay successful and relevant becomes higher than ever before, and once mediocre reviews start coming in, everything begins to fall apart. The troupe's style of satirical humor and constant quips have carried over from cult favorite Hot Rod, though they feel sharpened and more consistent than its predecessor ever did. Much like Zoolander 2, it never shies away from poking fun at the absurdities found throughout the entertainment industry, and manages to pack in a large number of celebrity cameos. The main difference, however, is that unlike that pathetic excuse for a feature-length film, these result in some very uproariously hilarious moments. Sadly, Ben Stiller's rather horrendous sequel won in the end, as Popstar was one of 2016's bigger commercial disappointments. Perhaps as time goes by, its reputation and word of mouth shall grow stronger.

18. Deadpool



Come on, you don't have any valid excuse for having not seen this already. It's a perfect handling of one of the most un-PC, witty, and all-around wackily violent antiheros in all of comic books. This is especially shocking when you consider how badly he was treated in the deplorable and widely-despised X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which takes quite a beating throughout Deadpool's brisk 108 minute-long running time). Go watch it. Stop drinking your overpriced beer, eating whatever fancy vegan dish you cooked up on the fly, or searching for new Sonic fanfiction. And for the love of Lemmy, do NOT let me catch you doing the latter. You're above that at your age.



But to get back onto the topic at hand, put it on. NOW.



I'M SERIOUS.



GO WATCH IT. IT'S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY. AND SUPREMELY ENTERTAINING.



BUT ONLY AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THIS POST.

17. 10 Cloverfield Lane



Ahhh, sometimes it's so darn easy just copying and pasting links isn't it? Well, to save you the time, here's my.....wait a minute. I never wrote a review for this?! Shit man, ever since catching this in a theater back in March, I had a distinct feeling that this claustrophobic companion piece to 2008's surprise hit Cloverfield would place rather high on my end of the year list(s). Lo and behold, even among a sea of Academy Award contenders and other assorted heavyweights, it was nice to recall just how darn engaging and intense this film actually was. For starters, you have beloved actor John Goodman (Roseanne, The Big Lebowski, Monsters Inc.) turning in what could be one of the best performances of his career (it's certainly his most fierce) as a paranoid bunker dweller who rescues a young woman (Scott Pilgrim's Mary Elizabeth Winstead) after a car crash. When she awakens, he insists that the outside world is no longer habitable, and that it is safer for everyone to stay below the surface instead. The tension felt throughout 10 Cloverfield Lane is truly unnerving, as the viewer begins to question whether they can separate the truth from flagrant lies. The possibility of the man who claims to be a heroic figure snapping over the most minor of things is higher than seeing that raging cheeto that somehow got elected attack another journalist over doing their fucking job. As the news breaks of this "universe" potentially expanding in the near future, one can only wonder of what will happen next. Will we be lucky enough to explore additional details of a backstory relating to Goodman's psychotic (or is he?) character? Are there more individuals with similar situations in the outside world? Whatever comes about from this, we are still blessed with an expertly-told, intimidating science fiction thriller.



Also, if she ever gets around to reading this, sorry Carrie.

16. Kubo & The Two Strings



It would be truly rotten to not place a monumentally ambitious project like Kubo in my top twenty (it misses out on being in the top twelve because of some very minor flaws). When it comes to the realm of triumphant animation, I feel as though Laika Entertainment doesn't get brought up nearly as much as they should. True, previous works such as Coraline and Paranorman garner a large amount of praise and respect from critics and fans alike, but they aren't beating out Disney or DreamWorks at the award ceremonies. In that aspect, they could be likened to a modern day version of Sullivan Bluth Studios, who in decades prior, managed to compete with (and occasionally surpass) the dynasty headed by that cheery mouse and his cohorts. These type of pictures treat their audience with respect, and aren't afraid to explore territories involving the darker sides of humanity, which include the subject of death. Unlike the visual fecal matter found in Norm of the North, these crews realize that your kids deserve a better quality flick. Though Kubo's story is very basic (your standard tale of a boy who sets out on a journey to find something that will help him defeat an older evil from the past), its true strength lies in the work of those who literally put this together. A good chunk of its cast and set pieces are brought to life through gorgeous stop-motion effect work that is just as much of a love letter to the aforementioned Don Bluth as it is to Japanese legend Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke). To date, Laika's newest outing is the first feature to receive Academy Award nominations in both "Best Animated Feature" and "Best Visual Effects," and I firmly believe that it deserves to win both. As imaginative as it is touching, Kubo & The Two Strings shows us just what children's animation can be when honest-to-Lemmy effort is put into it.

15. Godzilla: Resurgence/Shin Gojira



A radiated titan emerges for the first time in this new day and age, which perplexes the Japanese government as to what actions should be taken so that they can ensure the safety of their own citizens. After all, just dropping bombs on the beast famously nicknamed the "King of the Monsters" seems easy in concept, but when you consider the destruction that could come about from it, such an option may not be the wisest to choose from. I could go on for an even longer time about this amazing reimagining/interpretation of The Big G from Hideaki Anno (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Shinji Higuchi (Attack on Titan), but I believe that kindly asking you to read my full-length review over here would be in your best interest instead.

14. Manchester by the Sea 



When a very somber man receives the news that his brother has passed away, he is surprisingly given custody of his teenage nephew, and the two attempt to cope with what their lives have become (or are about to morph into). I'm not quite certain as to how this did not end up higher on the list, especially when I found there to be very little in terms of flaws with the film itself. Perhaps because it is so frequently dour, that even the brief bits of black comedy never quite landed as well as they should have? Or maybe I'm just being a nitpicking nerd. A tour de force performance from Casey Affleck ensures that he is officially out of his brother's shadow and on a different plain entirely. Audiences may initially find him to be a quiet, unassuming shell of his former self, but during various flashbacks, it is entirely understandable as to why he has turned into the human being that he is. Wes Anderson regular Lucas Hedges also manages to turn in a deceptively good portrayal of the younger man who is handling his father's death in a rather unusual way, but manages to mask his true emotions better than most do. No other film ripped your heart out quite as well as Manchester by the Sea did in 2016, and you may not even be in a hurry to watch it again any time soon. Still, sometimes the best experiences can come from a "one and done," no matter how gloomy they are.

13. La La Land



This is how I imagine a good number of individuals will react to my placement of this outside of the final/top twelve.

Okay, that was more of an excuse to post a clip from the righteously funny Rick and Morty. But I digress.


Yes, La La Land is really, really good. The love story is a simple throwback to the golden days of Hollywood musicals (struggling girl meets struggling boy, they unexpectedly fall in love), the acting is very solid, the soundtrack is worth all of the attention that it has been receiving, the cinematography and choreography are top notch, and the daringness of making something like this in 2016 is something to truly admire. And yet, I still managed to catch at least twelve other motion pictures that never quite felt like blatant love letters to the Academy. It is a very well-known fact that Hollywood LOVES films about the industry and the good old days. This isn't necessarily a detriment towards La La Land itself, but this does mean that the story can occasionally suffer from not really having as much substance as it could. You have to give just as much attention to the technical aspects as you should to the absolutely essential element of the plot. Regardless, it does sport a lot of charm and pizazz, which warrants a solid recommendation and makes for a pleasant experience. If it wins all of the major awards at the biggest event in show business, then I won't be that upset. Besides, nothing can top Crash in terms of undeserving wins, right?






Well, the hard part is over. Tomorrow, "End of the Line" concludes with my personal top twelve flicks from 2016. Maybe we'll see a clash of long-time fictional friends, an intense confrontation with neo-nazis inside of a club, or even a double dose of Janelle Monae?


Only a brief amount of time will tell....

Into the Hive Presents: End of the Line (Part 3)

Before you come down on me with furious anger and frustration: yes, it took me a full month to write the third part of this countdown. I've been busy with a multitude of issues, including moving and undergoing another EEG. Still, excuses will not get in the way of me finishing this damn thing, especially when you consider that the Academy Awards are just right around the corner.

36) The Lobster



Perhaps one of the most divisive, if not overlooked films of the year, Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos makes his first foray into the land of Hollywood with a motion picture revolving around a dystopian earth, wherein single individuals are taken to a fancy hotel, and given forty-five days to find a mate. If they fail to do so, they will be turned into an animal of their choice. Colin Farrell (In Bruges, Daredevil, Minority Report) plays David, a recently-single man who attempts to form a relationship with a number of women, including a nameless Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener, The Mummy). While it is certainly not going to be for everyone (this has all the distinguishing characteristics of a French and/or "art" piece), I had to admire the testicular fortitude of everyone involved with the production and distribution of The Lobster. It stands out like a sore thumb in a sea of releases that attempt to dissect what companionship (or a lack thereof) really is. It also sports some deceptively good acting from the previously-mentioned two leads, who seem fully on board with the absurd concept. Experienced and open-minded film fans may want to track this one down.

35) Bad Moms




My only real prior knowledge of this flick's existence came from seeing the trailer before what I believe was Deadpool of all pictures. Though the premise is certainly nothing out of the ordinary (take Mike Judge's Office Space and replace your leads with fed-up mothers), it looked like a promising romp for a very niche audience that I could never find myself being fully comfortable around (i.e. I'm not a parent). As luck would have it, finding the time to catch it during a quieter evening during the week proved to be a good choice. The protagonists and their adversaries are played to near perfection, and the cast (which includes Family Guy's Mila Kunis and Married...with Children alum Christina Applegate) seem to be genuinely enjoying themselves. Bad Moms sported a much higher LPM (laugh per minute) ratio than other similar projects like Bridesmaids, but with a far more likeable cast of characters and an extremely vulgar sense of humor (Kathryn Hahn delivers a good 70% of the movie's best gags and quips). Of course, it does fall victim to the typical "sappy third act" cliché that just drives me up the wall these days, but it manages to pick itself back up before it falls down for the count. Considering how mediocre this past summer was in terms of wider releases, a pleasant surprise such as Bad Moms was a nice distraction for those suffering from a mundane, stress-filled life.

34) Ghostbusters



OH BOY. I SURE DO LOVE TALKING ABOUT, DEFENDING, AND EVEN BRINGING UP THIS MOVIE. I NEVER GET TIRED OF HEARING BOTH SIDES ARGUE OVER EVERYTHING AFFILIATED WITH IT.

In all seriousness, every person on the planet is sick to death of discussing this reboot/remake of the beloved 1980s classic, and to save you (and myself) the trouble, here's my review that I finalized quite a while ago when it first popped into theaters. It's amassed a surprising amount of hits (up there with older entries such as Man of Steel), and I would consider it to be one of my more passionate, prouder write-ups that I've churned out to date.

33) The Conjuring 2

Upon its initial announcement, no one seemed to be quite sure of what to expect from director James Wan's follow-up to 2013's surprisingly great story about the tales of Ed and Lorraine Warren, who investigated stories dealing with the paranormal side of life. The argument for sequels almost always disappointing the masses has never quite subsided, and in the realm of horror cinema, it is far too frequently seen. As stated in a number of my own reviews throughout the years, however, you need to trust in Wan. The Malaysian-Australian filmmaker has gotten slowly, progressively better with each project of his choice, and has a real masterful ability to suck even the most hardened/stuck-up (i.e. those who absolutely refuse to be scared) into his twisted, dark world of events purportedly based in real life. There are some truly uncomfortable moments scattered throughout, and leads Vera Farmiga (The Departed) and Patrick Wilson (Watchmen) are in fine form. Keep an eye out for the especially creepy Crooked Man, whose most impressive feat comes from being portrayed by an actual human being and not through the easier method of CGI.

32) Star Trek Beyond

This is sure to make me look like a bad nerd, but I've never been the world's biggest Star Trek fan. True, I did casually tune in and catch the occasional episode of The Next Generation whenever I wasn't stuffing my brain with X-Men or Batman episodes, and I did manage to catch Star Trek: Insurrection when it first came to theaters, but that's about the extent of my dealings with the Enterprise and its crew. I have, however, enjoyed this new franchise far more than I ever expected to, and I would attribute that to new series head J.J. Abrams and his crew's yearning to try something different. There is true, genuine passion permeating throughout these last three projects, and the fact that new writer Simon Pegg (yes, the star of Shaun of the Dead and the prior two franchise entries) is willing to take new risks such as destroying the iconic Enterprise in a glorious, shocking first act, is pretty ballsy. Unfortunately, it does suffer from some tiny problems here and there, including a weak villain and the tendency to venture into "long episode" territory, but the love that is put into Star Trek Beyond in front of and behind the camera ensure that everyone on board, be they fans or not, should just relax and enjoy the ride. And at the very least, it is miles ahead of X-Men: Apocalypse.

31) Don't Think Twice

Respected standup comedian Mike Birbiglia sits down in the director's chair for the second time, giving us a look into the lives of an improv group whose own individuals have a variety of ambitions and dreams that may yet become a reality. Some hope to make it onto television (Key & Peele's Keegan-Michael Key), some have been slowly working on ventures outside of the troupe that will finally be finished and help them achieve a level of success (Garfunkel and Oates' Kate Micucci), and others have more personal, if not slightly pained reasons for staying in this risky field (Chris Gethard, Birbiglia himself). On the surface, this could seen as simply a light-hearted, if not slightly quirky look into a realm that you and I know very little about (even if you are longtime watchers of Whose Line is it Anyway?), but the writer/director/actor weaves a very heartfelt, all-too-human look into the realization that not everyone in a group, be they in this line of work or just a general group of friends, will be able to get what they want out of life. The acting is superb, the characters are very easy to relate to (including those who are written to be more arrogant or regretfully selfish), and even beneath the sadness, there is still a lot of heart.

30) Do Not Resist

I truly regret not posting a full review for Craig Atkinson's frightening, eye-opening, and all-too-real look into the militarization of the police throughout these darker times. It provides vital information to those who still may have their heads in the ground in regards to the ludicrous stances and actions that have been taken over these past....actually, I've lost count over how many years that this has been going on. We follow and investigate a number of individuals and groups who go about their now "daily routines," including a South Carolina-based SWAT group who bust up and destroy a small house just to obtain a paltry amount of marijuana. Hell, we're even privy to speeches given by retired colonel-turned-nutjob Dave Grossman, whose past history of crusading against video game violence is sure to make him a beloved figure in this day and age. Sadly, this important, underrated documentary did not receive wide distribution, but can be purchased on a number of sites such as YouTube and viewed for free on Amazon Prime.

29) Sully

Honestly, I'm surprised that director Clint Eastwood's newest outing in the realm of cinema hasn't garnered more attention on these "best of the year" lists, or even from the major award ceremonies. Given that Hollywood seems to have relaxed a bit on "conservative" performers like the Dirty Harry veteran or Hacksaw Ridge's Mel Gibson (which will not be appearing on this list) and their personal views and decided to focus on their actual techniques behind the camera, a movie based on the real life incident known as the "Miracle on the Hudson" seemed like surefire Oscar bait. Add in screen giant Tom Hanks as the titular "hero" of the story and the underrated Aaron Eckhart (Thank You for Smoking, The Dark Knight) as his first officer, and you've got even more of a chance for success. So, why does Sully just barely make into the top half of Into The Hive's list? Well, because it doesn't really merit any replays. It's a very well-crafted film, and the performances are expectedly great. There's even a dream sequence that is so intensely real, fans of horror franchises such as Final Destination may find themselves cringing a bit. Still, once you've seen it, there is a sincere amount of doubt over whether you will find yourself willing to watch it again in the foreseeable future. It's an exceptional motion picture, but there were a number of releases this year that had more to offer for someone like myself.

28) Doctor Strange

Why yes, a Marvel Studios movie did not make it into my own top ten or top fifteen for once (okay, that will be proven to be a lie if you come back later). Still, Doctor Strange, which is centered around a cocky, celebrated surgeon who strives to learn the mystic arts after suffering a career-ending injury, is the furthest thing from a bad movie, and a necessary addition to the (admittedly) overcrowded Marvel Cinematic Universe. Though it is the first real foray into the realm of sorcery and magic for fans normally accustomed to the previously technological-based films of the past eight years, it is also one of the first whose true wonder comes from the imagination brought forth by writers C. Robert Cargill and Scott Derrickson (who also directs), whose prior experience lies in the realm of horror. Their own flair is unlike anything previously seen in a Marvel movie, and lead actor Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock, Star Trek Into Darkness) manages to take a protagonist often perceived as being "B-level" into the same playing fields as his other contemporaries, but manages to help ground this as something that could honorably sit outside of the MCU as a great standalone picture. It is a visually stunning, fascinating treasure that will warrant more than a couple of viewings, especially if you have access to 3D glasses, a large screen, or substances of a more....psychedelic kind.

27) Finding Dory

The fact that Pixar's Finding Nemo has officially seen a sequel before The Incredibles still baffles me to this day. Yet here we are, with the gorgeously-animated, charming, and quite funny Finding Dory, which explores the search for the titular character's own family. Mind you, this follow-up does sport a far more juvenile sense of humor than some of Disney's other projects released during 2016 (more on that later), but it does tackle a number of important issues that could go over the heads of younger viewers, including Alzheimer's and the fear of being forgotten. In an attempt to keep things more positive, the introduction of new aquatic life such as a cantankerous octopus (Ed O'Neill) and a captive Whale Shark (Kaitlin Olson) do give this story a bit more life, though the latter is sadly underutilized. Dory does have a tendency to cram too many "feels" moments into its brisk ninety-seven minute-long running time (the opening five minutes feel like an attempt to recreate the complete depression of Up), and the story is overall something that you've experienced before, but I'll be damned if it doesn't make you smile even just a tiny bit or cause you to hug a loved one once the end credits have begun (Norm of the North caused this as well, only with a bottle of sleeping pills and two bottles of Jack Daniels).

26) Don't Breathe

Fede Alvarez rules. This movie ruled. Go read my review here. It....doesn't rule as much, but I would appreciate any views and feedback related to this new horror gem.

25) The Jungle Book

So, let me get this straight: you want to make a live-action adaptation of Rudyard Kipling's beloved, highly influential, and globally recognized story about the man-cub Mowgli and his adventure of self-discovery, and you want to do it with a combination of computer-generated effects and the occasional human performance? Well hell, there isn't any way that you can do a worse job at adapting an older property than what they tried to do with that other human-among-animals tale, right? Thankfully (and luckily) director Jon Favreau (Chef, Iron Man) knocks it out of the friggin' park, managing to balance just the right amount of heart, humor, and action that is necessary to please old and new fans alike. Though it might be a slightly controversial thing to say here, I am of the belief that no other film from 2016 was casted as brilliantly as The Jungle Book was. Bill Murray (Ghostbusters, Caddyshack) and Sir Ben Kingsley (Gandhi, Sexy Beast) turn in outstanding performances as Baloo and Bagheera, while Idris Elba (The Wire, Pacific Rim) is utterly diabolical and heartless as legendary villain Shere Khan. Even Scarlett Johansson gets in on the action as Kaa, giving off a sleek and enchanting vibe that could seduce men and women alike, and makes you forget all about the slightly silly lisp that Sterling Holloway gave the character back in 1967. The effects are also gorgeous to boot, and explore the potential of what CGI can be when it's done right.

And if all of that isn't enough to convince you to watch this fine piece of entertainment, then I shall also mention the scene involving Christopher Walken singing "I Wanna Be Like You."

And by "mention," I mean post below.

Well, now that we've managed to finally wrap up the third part in this overly long multipart list, tune in tomorrow (I swear!) for part four. Perhaps we'll be taking a trip of the Polynesian sort? Or witness the emergence of a destructive deity? Heck, maybe we'll even see the beloved John Goodman make an appearance on here...

Into the Hive Presents: End of the Line (Part 2)

Though days have since passed, the inevitable second part to "End of the Line," which shall hopefully become a yearly (if not quarterly) occurrence on here, has finally surfaced. Without giving too much away, I would like to offer a fair warning about today's rankings: a sizable amount of feelings may be hurt during these subsequent posts. Then again, this is the day and age of the internet, where everyone hates everybody else for reasons ranging from whether or not you like the production of a particular underground heavy metal act's newest 7" disc, to the volume of sogginess in your cereal ("You like it crispy? I like you dead!"). So, if you choose to hurl insults or anything close to that nature, then go right ahead. Remember: these opinions represent nobody but myself, and I always welcome comments or civilized debates.



And with that said, let us move on.

48) The Angry Birds Movie



If you could categorize part one of my postings as the "worst" of the bunch, then perhaps a good chunk of the following films can be classified as the choices that ranged from "disappointing" to "fairly okay." Shockingly, The Angry Birds Movie falls under neither category, and if I can be brutally honest, I was surprised that it didn't rank lower on my countdown. Serving as more of an advertisement for the mobile game than as an actual animated piece with heart or a strong message (read the app's instructions on your tablet or phone, mix in a subplot about the Red Bird having a rather bad temperament & attending group therapy sessions, and you've got Angry Birds' story), there is nothing overly terrible about this Sony Pictures release. Well, save for the inclusion of nu-metal relic Limp Bizkit's cover of The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes," which should have been left buried alongside the movie that it was a part of. As I stated with Norm of the North, however, why not give your children a better quality motion picture? If it's the film's content that you are worried about, then I can assure you that not only is there far more intelligence in a picture from the likes of Pixar or Studio Laika (both of whom will make appearances over the next few days), but there is less of a chance that you will see a main character swim in and drink from a lake that another has previously urinated in.

47) The Legend of Tarzan



Due to a lack of time, I never got around to writing a review for Warner Brothers' attempt at reviving Edgar Rice Burroughs' classic fictional hero for the "millennial" crowd. Well, not on this blog anyway (cue Instagram plug). Regardless, despite being a fairly dated property (and uncomfortably sketchy when you consider how natives were usually written/portrayed in past efforts), The Legend of Tarzan, which revolves around the now-civilized human returning to the wild so that he may pursue and stop some evil assholes (hey, that's the CliffsNotes version!), intrigued me based on its cast and director (Harry Potter alum David Yates). That, and I was fairly certain that it would briefly satiate my thirst for man-on-gorilla action until....actually, I'm not sure how to finish that one. Sure enough, the fight choreography is competently done for the most part, though even those brief skirmishes between our protagonist and a variety of mammals can give you a headache if you aren't used to seeing an overwhelming amount of horrible-looking CGI. The chemistry between the leads never really feels natural, but when you consider how much this film relies on the usage of flashback sequences and exposition, it doesn't feel very proper to blame them. Lemmy bless Samuel L. Jackson for doing his best attempt to add SOME humor to the entire experience though, as well as helping distract the audience from the disappointingly bland performances by Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained, Inglourious Basterds) and Alexander Skarsgard (True Blood). With so many aspects that should work in its favor, the film just feels so decidedly average, and brings nothing to the table for those who are searching for something outside of your run-of-the-mill, time-killing, Redbox rental.

46) X-Men: Apocalypse



Aaaaand here's where a select few will either chastise, vehemently disagree, or flat out yell with me for placing the newest entry in Fox's X-Men franchise so low on an EOTY list. But you know what? I stand by my decision, as unconventional as it may be. When it came to Apocalypse, my excitement levels were quite noticeable. In prior installment X-Men: Days of Future Past, we were shown a glimpse of what was to come, as it essentially rebooted the often-confusing timeline, all while disregarding and correcting the mistakes of despised projects such as X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. For all of the flack that 20th Century Fox has been given over their treatment of Professor X's team of mutants and their lavish, fascinating list of enemies, they managed to distribute a pretty suspenseful, exciting, and fresh motion picture. It felt like a humongous step forward.


Alas, that step was only a singular one, and with the absolutely messy Apocalypse, it felt as if fans were forced at gunpoint to take several more in reverse; finding themselves stuck in the same scenario that troubled them before. Now that things are looking up, what is the next logical step? Start anew and develop the original team? Handle fan favorites such as Cyclops, Jean Grey, Psylocke, Angel, and Storm with the care and respect that they have deserved for so long? Move away from Michael Fassbender's Magneto, thus giving us time to develop another interesting villain that can take his place should the Academy Award nominee become tired of playing the self-proclaimed "Master of Magnetism?" Bring back Jennifer Lawrence for a performance that reminds audiences that yes, she will silence the critics of her portrayal as Mystique? If you answered yes to any of these four questions, I am afraid that I have some very bad news for you. Disappointingly, the titular villain just seems to lack anything remotely interesting outside of yelling like The Ultimate Warrior and turning on a "God Mode" cheat code whenever he feels like it, and his horsemen are equally as poorly-handled by Apocalypse's four writers than the two who finalized The Last Stand's awful script. Your average viewer doesn't have to be an avid comic book fan to know when something feels mishandled in an adaptation, or flat-out wrong (Batman using guns/murdering people in Batman v. Superman is a prime example). We have to wonder if director Bryan Singer and writer Simon Kinberg are exhausted from handling these type of movies at this point in their careers, and seeing as how the latter's more recent efforts have included working on the likes of Chappie and Fantastic Four, I believe that a lengthy break from large, studio flicks has most certainly been earned. Though my optimism for Logan is still there (especially with the news that it will be rated 'R'), my hopes for Wolverine's team of comrades and allies can only be restored if they can make their way into the hands of Marvel Studios.

45) Tyler Perry's Boo! A Madea Halloween



With the placement of Boo! A Madea Halloween at number forty-five on my countdown, it is officially higher than a comic book movie that I was legitimately excited to see. Yeesh, I really did have a strange 2016. Anyway, if you haven't read my full review for this....thing.....when I caught it in theaters during opening weekend, you should click right here and check out my unedited, fresh perspective on my first experience with a project by the divisive and eccentric man who became so big, that even South Park had to recognize his absurd, strange popularity. Perhaps the biggest reward for sitting through this morbidly captivating, though oddly watchable turd was that it resulted in the movie's Instagram account liking and commenting on my link to said review. Those in turn led to a follow on the same website, and even some reposting on social networks such as Twitter. To this day, I'm not quite sure how to feel about that. As James Earl Jones' Maggie Simpson once said:

44) The Brooklyn Banker



Wait, hold on a second here. *checks notes*


Did I even see this one? Admittedly, my memory is a bit fuzzy, but I seem to recall the plot having something to do with a banker whose ability to memorize numbers getting strong-armed into....something to do with the mafia and forging checks? And his father-in-law may work for them as well? Oy vey, this will likely go down as one of the more unimpressive paragraphs that I type about during this countdown. While sporting some halfway-decent performances (Goodfellas' Paul Sorvino pulls one out despite appearing as if he would rather be napping than acting these days), the film crawls at a snail's pace so frequently that you can easily find yourself losing interest at an alarmingly quick rate. In an attempt to create a love letter to directing giants such as Martin Scorsese, the filmmakers end up churning out what feels akin to a low-budget fan film that somehow managed to wrangle up some familiar faces. My unkind words aside, there is some promise buried underneath all of the plainness, so I do wish the filmmakers the best of luck in the near future.

43) Holidays



As previously mentioned with my Madea review, you can read my unedited, and brutally honest thoughts on this horror anthology right here. If you choose to be so kind and do such a thing, then you will completely understand as to why this is placed so low. If you don't, then I will sum it up as quickly as I possibly can: there are about two or three fun (though not necessarily great) segments that would have been better served as shorts in another motion picture collection, and the rest range from "good concept, iffy execution" to "kill it with fire and toss it into the trash where it belongs." In fact, make sure that Kevin Smith's Halloween segment is the first to go, just so that the chance of people discovering it becomes progressively more difficult for the average shopper.

42) Hail, Caesar!




Okay......okay......I can justify this......*deep breath*


Despite some excellent acting from nearly the entire cast (a staple of the directors' productions since their earliest efforts), and a very entertaining sequence revolving around pronunciation/accents between Ralph Fiennes and Alden Ehrenreich, Hail, Caesar! feels like the well-respected duo of Joel and Ethan Coen (The Big Lebowski, Fargo, No Country for Old Men) are communicating with their audiences that they may not really care about what they think of them at this point in their careers. This would explain why this unabashed love letter to the golden age of cinema comes across as more of a passion project that pleases themselves rather than your average moviegoer. True, it does seem like they're set on focusing on churning out multiple projects these days that don't exactly have the most complex or powerful of plots (even as a self-professed lover of Burn After Reading, I will admit that it isn't exactly a masterpiece), but when the main plot involving the disappearance of George Clooney's naïve and handsome Baird Whitlock turns into only one of many that begin to overtake the picture, you get this sinking feeling that none of this shall really matter in the end. Without giving too much away, Hail, Caesar! just feels kind of complacent and pointless once the dust has settled and everything has come to a close. Even if all of the aforementioned opinions and thoughts previously listed don't settle well with you, then I can just add that I personally didn't find it to be very funny, and it feels awfully sluggish when the action shifts from Josh Brolin's adventures back to Clooney & his kidnappers. Perhaps with repeated viewings over the years, as well as an ability to better appreciate the craft of 1950s cinema, I may grow to appreciate this one a little bit more. Such a thing was necessary with Inside Llewyn Davis, which I have grown to admire a moderate amount since time has passed, but for now, it isn't budging from this position.


To its credit though, the flick is infinitely better than The Ladykillers. So, that's another compliment.

41) The Girl on the Train



It does boggle my mind a bit that Paula Hawkins' debut novel of the same name is still selling an absurd amount of copies in bookstores across the country. Then again, it does make for an easy, engrossing, and fairly acceptable read for those seeking out a cheap thriller to help pass the time during a long flight or vacation. Director Tate Taylor's (The Help) theatrical adaptation, however, is so utterly droll that it borders on soap opera territory on more than a few occasions. Emily Blunt is in very fine form as a divorced alcoholic who finds herself involved in the disappearance of a young woman that she used to watch from a distance while travelling back and forth on a train. She is one hundred percent dedicated to this role, and deserves every single one of the accolades being thrown her way. It's just too bad that the movie is so darn second-rate, with nearly any semblance of humanity or rational thoughts in these characters becoming nonexistent as the plot begins to unravel. There are a few scattered moments throughout The Girl on the Train that border on camp, and the ending twist(s) are easy to spot from a mile away even if you aren't familiar with its previously-printed source material. What could have ended up being something akin to Matthew Vaughn's Stardust or Gregory Hoblit's Primal Fear (improvements over their respective books) ends up feeling more like a grossly melodramatic, disorganized companion piece to other disappointments such as It or Queen of the Damned.

40) The Funhouse Massacre




Oh yes, I did just place a low-budget horror-comedy above a Coen Brothers production. WHATEVER, I DO WHAT I WANT. Still, what makes this little ditty work is that it knows its audience, and there isn't a single bit of pretense about it. For what passes as a plot is admittedly generic (mass murderers are freed from prison, take over a funhouse around Halloween, and begin to kill dumbfounded young adults who venture inside), but in pieces like Andy Palmer's The Funhouse Massacre, entertainment value is what matters the most. The dark humor is well-placed, and the cast of characters, which includes terror icons such as Robert Englund (A Nightmare on Elm Street), Clint Howard (Carnosaur, The Ice Cream Man, Ticks), and Courtney Gains (Children of the Corn) are very gleeful and charming to watch. Yes, they will never exactly set the world on fire, but I personally found them to be far more memorable than the cluster that appeared in another particular entry from 2016. Had something such as this been released during the golden age of the 1980s, I feel as though it would have garnered more attention and a larger following. Still, if you can track a copy down from Amazon or Scream! Factory's website (all too fitting that they distributed this), it makes for a pretty enjoyable, gory romp.

39) Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising



Was a sequel to 2014's surprisingly funny comedy (cue review plug) about a war between a married couple and their obnoxious, somewhat-overbearing nearby fraternal residents absolutely necessary? The previous film wrapped in a way that did leave the door open for another vulgar romp featuring these characters, though not through the same means and methods as before. Still, here we were, with Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising having made its way to theaters rather quickly. Most of the cast does seem to be having a very fun time, and I welcome any chance to see Chloe Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass, The Equalizer) expand her filmography with new, different projects. Alongside her new cohorts (Kiersey Clemons and Beanie Feldstein) and returning costar Zac Efron, they manage to keep the movie afloat whenever its average script attempts to drag it down. Most of Neighbors 2's best bits come from the small interactions that slip through the cracks of what they perceive will be the bigger, more memorable moments (aka, the "trailer" shots). Unfortunately, the follow-up does conclude with a predictable final act that feels a bit flat, but thankfully, Nicholas Stoller's newest effort does manage to produce just enough hearty laughs to warrant a recommendation.

38) Keanu



Have there been any arguments as to whether the comedic duo of Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele (who co-writes here) are the closest thing to Dave Chappelle that Comedy Central has produced ever since the latter's sketch comedy show wrapped? With their debut motion picture (AS A DUO), they certain have staked their claim, yet have managed to separate themselves from the comparison rather easily. Keanu follows a man who has recently been dumped, and adopts a kitten that happens to show up on his doorstep out of the blue. As with any good-hearted human being, the little fella cheers him up. One evening, he arrives back to his house only to find that the animal, nicknamed "Keanu," has been stolen. Determined to track him down, he bands together with his best friend and they set out on an adventure that is, to put it lightly, more dangerous than either of them could have ever imagined. Keanu's plot is absurd; it's the type that you think would work better as a television skit rather than a film that costs fifteen million dollars to make. In some aspects, that thought is proven to be true, because not every joke that they fire off hits its target, and it becomes a little too reliant upon the running gag that all African Americans act like thugs or brigands. The titular kidnapped feline doesn't receive nearly enough screen time (but gosh is it cute), but this is more about the human interaction anyway. The scenes involving Key's character of Clarence introducing a group of gangbangers to the musical catalogue of George Michael serves as a surprisingly great tribute to the recently-deceased pop star, and a moment involving the surprise appearance of a certain veteran from the Scary Movie franchise brings out the best of everyone involved with this project. It's a movie that is far from perfect, but I'll be darned if it isn't pretty damn funny.


Also, the ending credits, which consists of a large number of Keanu-centric stills wherein the cat is dressed up to mimic famous movie scenes, is far too adorable. How that has yet to make it to calendar form, I have no idea.

37) Lights Out



For a first time (major) directorial debut, David F. Sandberg's Lights Out serves as one of the better surprises that I saw in a cinema during 2016. Of course, it being in the bottom half of my sixty choices does mean that I sat through other horror movies that I personally found to be more engaging or suspenseful, but I will get to those in future posts. Speaking of that, I feel beyond tired when it comes to the argument that "PG-13 horror films can't be scary," and I would point to this hidden gem about an unknown entity that torments a young boy and his family in the dark (which you can read my full review for here) as an example of why you shouldn't be so easy to just ignorantly throw that statement around. Does it have flaws? Absolutely. The acting is quite hit-or-miss, though Maria Bello (A History of Violence, Payback) shines above everyone else. The dependence on jump scares wears thin over time, but its unsettling nature, which evokes other recent efforts such as The Babadook and Insidious (whose own director James Wan produces here) does breathe some life into this short-running flick. Turn off the lights (hardy har har) and immerse yourself in its strange world.




Well, that shall do it for part two. Stay tuned for part three, which may or may not include the most controversial movie of the summer, an incredibly quirky comedy-drama starring the man once known as "Bullseye," and a terrifying documentary that should have received wider release......