I'm choosing to fill a small part of the gray area in my life with random reviews from the realms of cinema, music, and more things that are generally looked down upon by society. And you've chosen to read them apparently.
High school student Bill Whitney could not have a more ideal life. He is well-loved by most of his fellow students, dating one of the most attractive cheerleaders, has the position of future class president all but secured, and even drives the newest Jeep model that is out on the market. And yet even with all of these luxuries, Bill can't seem to shake this feeling that something isn't quite right with his personal life, and in particular, his upper class parents and their friends. Bill's suspicions are confirmed when the ex of his sister shows up with a tape of what sounds like his family members participating in something tawdry and unusually carnal. As time goes by, and every single shred of evidence of misbehaving seems to vanish just as quickly as it appeared, Bill begins to wonder if perhaps he is just crazy, or if, as they say, society really is to blame for everything.
Well then, it certainly didn't take long for an entry to appear that would absolutely mortify me, did it?
1989's Society is a motion picture that I admittedly only became aware of two or three years ago, and that was mostly through word of mouth and recommendations from friends who are most likely reading this right now. I was more than familiar with director Brian Yuzna's body of work, be it with a pen in his hand (Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, From Beyond), overseeing other's projects (Re-Animator, Dolls) or sitting down in the big chair himself (Return of the Living Dead III). The man always seemed like a very humble, unassuming human being, but after recently sitting through his directorial effort, I have to wonder if that is a front. Any living, breathing creature who would head a project like Society can not be normal. Or at the very least, they mask a much more demented sense of humor and large stash of psychedelics that have yet to be released to the public.
And if we are on the topic of that finale, I do not recall ever seeing a motion picture conclude in a way that it literally left me speechless for half of its final act. There is no possible way to describe it other than saying that special effects artist Screaming Mad George (Freaked, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4) must have been having the time of his life and should have received a complementary 24-pack of whatever beverage he wanted after filming had wrapped. One slight knock some might have against the film does involve its very....erm, slimy final twenty minutes though. Most of what the newer members of the general audience and cinephiles will remember are the big revelation of what has been going on and the absolute depravity that follows, but I can see complaints pile up that it is "boring" until those moments occur. It doesn't hurt the rest of Society's overall quality for someone like me who is used to these sort of things, but as I stated with my review for Prom Night, this kind of slow burn can be off-putting for others of the more "ADD" horror crowd. But hey, the joke is on them since there are some fairly funny bits of black humor and commentaries on still-relevant concepts, such as how silly we as a society (not apologizing for that) are for viewing things like party invites as being bigger priorities than your family possibly being murderers.
The controversy that follows Society around to this day is something that doesn't surprise me, but I am glad to see that over time, the flick has developed more of a following and appreciation for George and Yuzna's hard work on it. The men certain have an eye for distinct visuals and frequently help create things that you have never seen before. As such, this is the most elementary way to describe just what Society is; an over-the-top, bizarre satire about the battle between the rich and the poor, with a wrap-up that will very likely make you lose your lunch if you are unaccustomed to these sort of things. If you have a strong stomach and a very twisted sense of humor, Society is available to stream on Amazon Prime (its picture and audio quality are splendid too!). If you have a few more dollars to spend before the holidays approach, you can also purchase the slam-packed and bountiful Blu-Ray from Arrow Video.
Or perhaps, if your loved one is as truly demented as you are, they will buy a physical copy for you, and it will contain an invitation to one of these "social gatherings" that are held for the wealthier classes.
.....hey, I'm not knocking it until I try it.
Tomorrow, we jump forward a bit into the year 2017, and have two pint-sized baddies pay a visit to the blog.
Several years have passed since Mike Pearson battled the odd, seemingly unbeatable undertaker known as "The Tall Man," whom the young man believes is grave robbing and resurrecting recently-deceased corpses to do his bidding. Alas, no one will believe him, including his old family friend Reggie, who has saved him from his prior encounter with the benevolent being. After being locked up in a mental institution for quite some time, Mike eventually fakes his sanity and is released to the outside world. When the young man meets back up with Reggie, both begin to experience their fair share of out-of-the-ordinary incidents. These include the sudden death of Reggie's entire family, and visions of a young woman named Liz, who appears to have a psychic bond to Mike despite the two having never met face-to-face. The duo set out with two things in mind: save this mysterious lady from certain doom, and to finally kill this seemingly inhuman creation that continues to haunt them.
If one were to sit me down and ask that I compile a list of my personal top ten horror films, Don Coscarelli's 1979 relic Phantasm would undoubtedly make it onto that list. It's a creepy and wonderful little ditty that has just enough black humor, solid acting, and unique atmospheres sprinkled into its relatively short running time that helps keeps you invested. For the older audiences who were around for the glorious heyday of the 1980s scary movie explosion, the news of this particular motion picture receiving a sequel must have seemed like a huge surprise. After all, director Coscarelli admits that he really didn't know how to write a follow-up to the picture, though once he discovered that it could take place immediately after the events of the previous film had ended, he figured that it was better late than never.
Thankfully, it looks like Coscarelli was able to get most of what he wanted out of Phantasm II. Virtually everyone from the original flick's cast is able to return after nearly a decade has gone by, though there are two very notable omissions: Bill Thornbury, whose character of Jody is presumed dead, and A. Michael Baldwin, who previously played the young protagonist Mike Pearson. Sadly, the latter had apparently dropped out of the acting game, so the studio forced Coscarelli to recast him with James LeGros: a relative unknown at the time who previously had bit parts in pictures such as Near Dark and the perplexingly-titled Solarbabies. LeGros is a fine substitute (if not a bit old for this role), but if the only reason as to why he was cast instead of original star Baldwin was because the latter chose to not pursue a career in Hollywood, then you should have taken some of that studio money and made an offer for the O.G. Mike to return. Thankfully, that wasn't the case with Reggie Banister, who is given a larger chunk of time to do much more than he did in the first Phantasm, and he just seems to be relishing every single moment in Phantasm II. He's one of horror's more underrated "badasses," doing things that include taking part in a chainsaw duel and fighting off a good chunk of these pint-sized minions (who seem to resemble cancer-stricken Jawas this time around). Of course, the late Angrus Scrimm delivers another triumphant performance as the Tall Man, but I don't think any single viewer would have ever doubted that he wouldn't turn one in. There isn't much to discuss when it comes to the new on-screen presences either, as even with some relatively inconsistent writing, new additions like Paula Irvine (who looks like a combination of Patricia Arquette and Debbie Harry) are still welcome in this bizarre universe. On an unrelated note, Phantasm II is also loaded with beautifully grotesque makeup and gore effects, which come courtesy of the legendary Greg Nicotero. And the updated version of the iconic theme by Fred Myrow is effectively creepy too.
Ah, but I did mention that Coscarelli got "most" of what he wanted with this sequel, yes? Well, it's unfortunate that reports of studio interference have become more well-known over the years, because it does explain why there are many things in Phantasm II that don't work. One of the most effective things about the first entry in this (now) franchise was this dreamlike state that the entire experience seemed to be going in and out of. As wonky as it may sound on paper, it just worked, and helped create this real sense of dread and feeling as if this world was coming undone. There are more dream sequences this time around, but they feel too overused and don't really pack the same punch that they should. That, and considering how abnormally pretty the motion picture looks (they sure didn't have a problem taking advantage of that higher budget), the abundance of bright colors mixed into the product after so many odd transitions can often cause you to get a headache or forcefully adjust the levels on your television set. A lot of the mystique and unanswered questions surrounding the prior movie remain unsolved and unknown, and by the time the credits have rolled, I wouldn't be entirely shocked if some aspects and plot details of the flick leave you feeling more perplexed than intrigued. There's also a very predictable twist that occurs towards the end of Phantasm II which does feel slightly disappointing, even if it does result in a memorable moment or two.
While it leaves a lot of our questions unanswered and does feel mildly confusing up until a certain point, Phantasm II is still a fairly qualified sequel in a land chocked full of far too many inadequate and unnecessary ones. The good outweighs the bad, and the bad is far from truly wretched or offensive (we haven't reached those ones just yet people). I don't know if it warrants an immediate buy, but if one has access to streaming service HBO Go, then you can currently view it on there for no extra charge. If you are still a firm believer of purchasing discs, however, then you can grab a cheap copy on DVD (packaged with other Unseen Terror alumni such as The Serpent and the Rainbow and Sssssss) or on Blu-Ray thanks to the always-reliable folks at Shout! Factory.
And while you're at it, maybe you can find one of those deadly spheres for my birthday. I need it for....personal reasons.
Tomorrow, we just can't get out of this gosh darn time period, and let Brian Yuzna of Re-Animator fame make his first appearance this year!
After spending the day with his girlfriend Sarah, promising schoolteacher Johnny Smith heads home for the evening. Due to stormy weather, however, he is involved in a car accident that leaves him in a coma. Five years pass, and Johnny is awoken by the hospital's neurologist, and he is informed that during this lengthy state of unconsciousness, Sarah has not only married but also bore a child. More surprising, however, is that the now-former educator has the ability to see a person's thoughts and visions through physical contact. While recovering, he attempts to rebuild his life, though the residents of his hometown all seem to have varying opinions on this man who claims that he can read your mind and potentially even see things that you cannot. In fact, there are some who feel as if his newfound ability can come in handy, be it for solving crimes, or preventing far worse ones from occurring in the near future.
This year officially marks the earliest time that Stephen King has made an appearance during my marathon (2013 had Brian De Palma's Carrie as my third entry). What happens to be more surprising is the fact that this was the very first time that I sat down to watch 1983's The Dead Zone, which as of this writing, is the only collaborative effort between the Maine author and well-respected filmmaker David Cronenberg (Videodrome, The Fly, The Brood). It also stands as one of actor Christopher Walken's most well-known movie efforts, and along with The Deer Hunter and True Romance, can be considered an essential viewing for fans of the quite kooky performer. One can make a very strong argument that this is one of the aforementioned director's most accessible pieces of work, but more on that later.
Walken does indeed deserve all of the praise for his portrayal of Johnny Smith (King sure could have picked a better name), as he keeps the character grounded and feeling human throughout its very brisk running time. For someone who has been gifted/cursed with the ability of second sight, he makes the former schoolteacher feel as if you could know a person like this in your daily life. The science fiction aspect of his powers and entire scenario is also perhaps the most realistic that I've seen in a motion picture in quite some time, as he doesn't overuse his abilities and we focus on the variety of people throughout; our protagonist may not even be the most fascinating human being stuck in this bizarre interpretation of Castle Rock, Maine. Martin Sheen is also splendid to watch as a slimy, overconfident local politician with delusions of grandeur and dreams of ascending to the oval office. He does have moments where he hams it up, but it's all in good fun and works to help give you the feeling that this is not as kind of a world as one would imagine it to be.
The actors' portions aside, I feel as though we have to go back to David Cronenberg. Many fans such as myself tend to affiliate the Canadian director with the fear of losing control of one's own physical being. In nearly every effort of his that I've seen, there is this inherent and all-too-real sense of dread that we are not in control of our bodies, and in fact will deteriorate in more ways than we can imagine once something very basic has been altered. The decaying and transformation themes found in The Fly are a perfect example of this, and though The Dead Zone is a largely normal motion picture compared to his more grotesque and....well, icky releases (save for one moment involving a pair of scissors that can make even the most hardened person shudder), there is still this sort of morbidity that permeates from Johnny every time that he shakes the hand of another individual. He directs Walken and his co-stars in such a way that they truly feel remorseful and often frightened (a fine example is when Sheen first shakes hands with Walken) that this can not be prevented after his accident. Cronenberg understands that just because you've inherited a unique power doesn't mean that you will see everything that you want to see.
It goes without saying, but David Cronenberg's ninth entry into his very impressive filmography is absolutely worth adding to your watch list this year. It's filled with some solid, creepy suspense, and chocked full of enough emotionally-driven performances to help it stay above the rest of the (admittedly) hit-or-miss Stephen King adaptations out there. Much like yesterday's entry, the influence of The Dead Zone can clearly be seen on pictures from through the following decades, including Frailty and the Final Destination series. Unlike those gems, the classification of this as a "horror" movie is up for debate, but it's a damn fine flick regardless. The Dead Zone is available for purchase on DVD in most retail outlets that still carry physical media, and was even re-released on home video recently for about the same amount that you would pay for a happy meal at McDonald's.
But heck, perhaps if you had Johnny's second sight, you could ensure that you receive the correct toy that you were searching for.
Tomorrow, we make the decision to stick around in the 1980s, and pay a second visit to an old friend with a shiny, silver sphere...
Well, that gif of Mr. Burress can mean only one thing: I'm exhausted from attending my first horror convention this weekend. That, and I have officially finalized my listing for the seventh (oy) year of my "Unseen Terror" series that I manage to craft during every October. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, the short version of my explanation is this: I dig up at least thirty-one different motion pictures that deal with the more macabre side of life to watch during this month that I have never managed to see until now. Some are cherished pieces of art that should be seen by all (Rosemary's Baby, The Return of the Living Dead, I Saw the Devil), some are hidden gems that deserve to be given a second chance after an initial, unfair thrashing by critics (House II, Black Roses, Popcorn, Suck), and others should be buried deep underground after being set on fire (Clownhouse, Pinocchio's Revenge, any Hellraiser sequel post-Bloodline).
So, with that basic introduction out of the way, let us begin! As always, I welcome discussion and comments on here, any major social media network (using the hashtag #UnseenTerror will find me), or the new Letterboxd service that I have signed up for and am thoroughly enjoying thus far (search for me as "Woodshatter1985").
While playing a routine game of hide and seek in an abandoned, dilapidated building, four children harass and tease a younger girl named Robin Hammond for wanting to join in. Unfortunately, the youths back Robin into a smaller area and inadvertently cause her to fall out of a window, where she immediately dies upon impact. Instead of reporting this incident to the local authorities, the accidental murderers vow to keep this to themselves and to never tell a soul. Six years pass, and Robin's surviving siblings just so happen to be attending the same high school as their sister's killers. As the entire collective of students highly anticipate the upcoming prom, specific ones begin to receive threatening, ominous phone calls from someone who may be seeking vengeance over one particular incident from their past.
1980's proto-slasher Prom Night has been on my radar since I began doing this yearly tradition back in 2011. For reasons that I can only attribute to laziness and forgetfulness, it just never quite made the final cut or listing. Obviously that has now changed, but did this unintentional delaying make my viewing experience any better or worse? Well, I suppose that you can say that it borrowed an equal amount from column A and column B.
For starters, the movie is absolutely drenched in all things that were affiliated with the late 1970s and early 1980s. There's the prototypes for every character seen throughout these type of pictures (the bad boy, the preppy girl, the awkward nerd, the red herring), the unabashed affinity for Disco music (more on that later), and appearances from fan favorites such as Halloween's Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen of The Naked Gun and Airplane! fame. In fact, the latter's performances manage to lift Prom Night off of the ground as they seem genuinely invested in the project and clearly came to the set every day with the best of intentions. The rest of the supporting cast is fine too, although because of the way that the script is structured, you may find yourself struggling to sympathize with the rest of these kids since, regardless of their ages, they're inarguably dicks for nearly all three acts. Oh, and they are also MURDERERS. Still, you earn a can of coke for trying to make us identify with the lot of them.
Since we are still on topic, we as moviegoers and purveyors are very likely anticipating seeing these other players meet their grisly demise. Unfortunately, this is where I felt that Prom Night stumbles, though not majorly. While the third act and finale of this picture is quite invigorating (and features one hell of a great decapitation), it takes nearly one full hour for the first drop of blood to spill, which means that technically, you can classify this motion picture as a "slow burn." Normally, I have no qualms about such decisions being made by the writers and directors, but considering that this effort barely scrapes by the ninety-minute mark, it may easily frustrate the more insatiable, impatient gorehounds that populate this strange, but endearing community that I am often happy to be a part of. Disappointingly, Prom Night does feel like it has a rather abrupt, it not blunt ending too, but a part of me ponders about whether budgetary reasons or time restraints had something to do with that.
Still, even with those complaints, I had a rather enjoyable time with Prom Night. Those with a more open mind and appreciation for attempts at telling stories, even ones as overused as this one, will also likely get a kick out of this quick watch. Considering that it was made for a very meager $1.5 million, it is competently shot and manages to accentuate the positives while hiding the negatives. Hell, its influence can even be seen on assorted films from throughout the decades (I Know What You Did Last Summer borrows heavily from this bad boy). If you're planning a slasher marathon in the near future with your friends or colleagues, this is a pleasant one to throw into the mix. At the time of this writing, you can view director Paul Lynch's hidden horror gem for free on Amazon Prime and YouTube, although it appears as though the folks there tracked down a Betamax rip rather than an actual DVD-quality print. Instead, it may just be easier for you to track it down on home video, as I'm certain that it makes for an inexpensive purchase no matter what format is available to you.
Oh yeah, I was going to mention the disco music, wasn't I? Well, there just so happens to be a gloriously cheesy moment where Jamie Lee Curtis and her date have to piece something together that feels like it belongs in another, entirely different genre flick. And we are subjected to this insanely catchy jam.
So, stick that in your pumpkin and....uh....play it?
*sigh*I'm far too tired to be making puns or lousy jokes this early on. Let's just move on.
Tomorrow, we say hello to the men who gave us a myriad of releases such as The Fly, The Brood, and Maximum Overdrive. What little flick could they have ties to? Well, perhaps if one could see the future, we'd all know what I'm referring to.
It truly does feel like a millennium has passed since I last wrote a review on here. Alas, when focusing on your personal life and its assorted ups and downs manages to overtake crafting new reviews, then perhaps it isn't entirely surprising. Thankfully, the opportunity to breathe new life into this blog was something that was going to occur sooner than later, as the month of October is right around the corner. If you have ever taken even the briefest of glimpses here over the past seven years, then you know what that means. Of course, if this is your first visit, then be prepared for a month-long foray into the realm of horror films.
So, how does one pregame for thirty-one days of cinematic terror and scares? If you answered "by watching another damn horror film," then you win about twenty Pennywise bucks my friend.
Don't worry, they can be redeemed in any work connected to the Stephen King macroverse. Plus, they float!
It's a rainy day in Derry, Maine, and young George Denbrough is out racing a paper sailboat down the street that his older brother Bill has crafted for him. Unfortunately, Bill is under the weather, and his decision to stay in bed while his sibling sets off to have fun, would prove to be a tragic one, as "Georgie" never returns. Approximately one year later, Bill and his group of friends and cohorts begin to experience visions and find themselves in grave danger that seem all too real to anybody but themselves, and most seem to involve a malevolent, bloodthirsty spirit that commonly takes the appearance of a clown. Putting the pieces together and digging through decades' worth of Derry's history, the children determine that something is out there killing the younger generation of the town's residents, and that if nobody else can see or bother to stop this menace, then they will.
When it comes to the works of famed Maine writer Richard Bach-......er, Stephen King, none have disturbed or frightened me any more than his infamous 1986 novel It. Despite sporting a simple, if not incredibly effective title, the book clocks in at over eleven hundred pages, making the piece his second-longest work to date (The Stand holds the top spot). When you have finally managed to make it through the entire ordeal, it isn't uncommon to feel emotionally and physically wiped out, though not without some sense of satisfaction over the sheer enjoyment of its demented content and caring for our small band of protagonists. Naturally, someone in the realm of Hollywood (specifically ABC) was hoping to capture these same feelings on the big or small screen. Four years later, fans were treated to a miniseries that would condense the lengthy piece of fiction into what was, at the end of the day, basically a stretched out three-hour-long feature film. Numerous memories of 1990's It are forever planted in my mind, including being on vacation in Ocean City, Maryland with family and seeing Tim Curry's portrayal of Pennywise scare the absolute hell out of me during a random moment or two of free time. Sadly, that aspect about the previous iteration of It is one of the very few things that doesn't age like moldy cheese, and first time viewers of the Tommy Lee Wallace effort from twenty-seven years ago (talk about a warped take on life imitating art) will likely find themselves more unintentionally amused than aghast.
Perhaps what is more debatably horrifying than anything found in the adaptation that gave us THIS piece of cinematic gold is the near ten-year-long mess of a background that 2017's It had trying to get off the ground. Initially, Cary Fukunaga (True Detective, Beasts of No Nation) was attached as not just director, but as a co-writer on the screenplay as well. Despite still receiving a writing credit, for 2017's It, the dreaded "creative differences" excuse spelled the end for the guy staying on board and in the big man's chair, though Warner Bros and New Line Cinema did not take very long to find a replacement in the form of Argentinian director Andres Muschietti, whose 2013 picture Mama grossed at least nine and a half times its smaller budget to make it one of that year's most surprising successes. It is a shame that Fukunaga's full vision of It will never see the light of day, though if one is to dig deep enough on the internet, you can see that multiple elements of his script did manage to creep their way into the final product.
And how is the aforementioned finished print of the motion picture that has sold more presale tickets than any other scary movie in history (yes, this includes Sex in the City 2)? As a whole, this big screen release may go down in history as one of the more triumphant efforts in the realm of King-related adaptations. It does take a few detours from the source material, though the parts that are omitted will draw the ire of only the most pure of devotees. Beloved works of fiction such as these, be they ones sent to theaters or to television (AMC's Preacher comes to mind), should primarily be about capturing enough of the vibe and spirit that made them runaway successes. This is what has helped The Walking Dead stay afloat for so many years, despite taking several detours from Robert Kirkman own ideas and arcs. After all, the 1990 miniseries lifted a large chunk of its dialogue and sequences from the book that was released beforehand, and is chastised by a lot of the newer generation and viewers who were never lucky enough to catch it on ABC. Memorable moments such as the death of George Denbrough and Beverly Marsh (played excellently by relative newcomer and Amy Adams lookalike Sophia Ellis) bearing witness to a rather horrific sequence in her bathroom, are handled infinitely better than anyone could have expected. If you are not a fan of violence against children, or even seeing them in frequent moments of seemingly inescapable peril, this can make for an uncomfortable watch.
On the topic of the aforementioned kids, the chemistry between the seven of them is nothing short of phenomenal. I sincerely hope that someone must reward casting director Rich Delia with either a bonus on his paycheck, or at the very least a pint or two at the local pub. Every memorable character, from smart-assed Richie Tozier (portrayed by Stranger Things' Finn Wolfhard) to the abusive, eerily-protective Alvin Marsh, is handled rather exceptionally. The finished draft a large chunk of time helping the audience get to know and care for these youngsters, and the argument can be made that this iteration of It gets the subtlety of the novel also serving as a coming-of-age story down better than even the printed work did. There is a selective amount from the antagonists' side that I wished had received more screen time (seriously, can someone give Patrick Hockstetter the love that his deranged self deserves?), but it amounts to a very small complaint in the grand scheme of things. Kudos to Fukunaga and other screenplay writers Gary Dauberman and Chase Palmer for crafting a script that manages to make purists forgive the fact that this iteration of the story is set in the 1980s instead of three decades prior. They not only keep the references/love letters feeling genuine, but also realize that most children over the past several decades were unapologetically foul-mouthed and had far more problems besides having the courage to ask a girl out.
Now, before one passes judgement and says that I seem to be doing nothing but heaping endless praise upon this picture, I do have several complaints that I feel are necessary to point out. While Bill Skarsgard is exceptional as Pennywise, his moments of terrorizing are brought down a tiny bit by an unfortunate amount of CGI. The designs are grand, but what's wrong with going the Greg Nicotero or Tom Savini route these days? It's also worth pointing out that there are a LOT of jump scares in this, and even if theirs are more well-crafted than most other flicks out there (the segment involving the kids watching a projector managed to get a legitimate "JESUS!" out of me), they still do feel a bit excessive. And I'm sorry, but as oddly entertaining as someone like Henry Bowers is, Stephen King does tend to write a lot of his younger antagonists the same way.
While It is not the most faithful of adaptations (and the faults, though not major, are very noticeable), the second page-to-screen version of Stephen King's beloved novel does ultimately shine rather brightly, even in the darkest of corridors. Perhaps this could sound rather morbid, but I greatly look forward to children between the ages of seven and twelve catching this in some way shape or form and being scared absolutely shitless like I was when I first caught the miniseries back in the day. It's a darn good movie that serves as a good precursor to arguably the most exhilarating and fabulously fun month of the year, and along with wide releases such as Get Out and The Witch, helps further prove my point that mainstream horror is the furthest thing from dead and can still elicit some emotions from audiences who have long missed those feelings of being scared.
After all, don't you want that?
Don't you want it?
Well, now that I am back, stay tuned for this year's Unseen Terror marathon, which is coming sooner than you think...
At the time of this writing, the 89th annual Academy Awards is less than thirty minutes away from airing. So, without further adieu, here are the remaining twelve choices in my personal countdown, and what would be considered my take on a "best of" list.
12. Green Room
If you're expecting me to gush over Jeremy Saulnier's intense, horrifying, and all-around excellent follow-up to the riveting Blue Ruin, then I have some very bad news for you: I've done it before. And if you have access to Amazon Prime, you can view this story about a touring punk rock band who is forcibly locked inside of a neo-Nazi club after they stumble upon a murder scene for no extra charge.
11. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
If rebellions are built on hope, then director Gareth Edwards' prequel to the original, titular juggernaut from 1977 delivered the best one that we could have asked for. Admittedly, the new batch of characters aren't nearly as well-rounded as they should be, but they are all instantly memorable and chocked full of the traits and characteristics that made us fall in love with the franchise oh so many decades ago. The final battle on the planet Scarif is the modern day, fantasy equivalent to the opening sequence from Spielberg's Saving Private Ryan.
10. The Nice Guys
Much like yesterday's entries such as Popstar and The Handmaiden, writer/director Shane Black's (Lethal Weapon, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) hilariously clever action-comedy-mystery thriller was managed to near-perfection in every subcategory. The plot, though slightly tricky to pay attention to at times, revolves around two private investigators and their decision to take on the case of a missing adult film star. The Nice Guys was an undeserving bomb at the box office, though the lot of folks who did bother to see it during its opening weekend were treated to witty, snappy, and smart dialogue coupled with a surprisingly interesting narrative and developed cast of characters. Thankfully, HBO Go users can track this down and make it up to themselves by catching it now rather than later. Plus, Shane Black is still getting the chance to direct a new Predator installment, so maybe there was still a bit of light in the dark for the uber-talented guy?
9. Hell or High Water
Admittedly, I'm cheating by throwing this neo-Western flick onto my list, because I only managed to catch it less than a week ago. Attributing this to laziness or lack of luck from the Redbox (cue me shaking my fist angrily at getting two different copies that would not play) will only get me so far though. Regardless, I was ecstatic to finally view what many of friends were calling a triumphant effort in the crime/thriller genres, and they were not wrong whatsoever. Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Ben Foster (3:10 to Yuma) play a couple of brothers from west Texas who have been robbing banks in order to pay off a reverse mortgage on their mother's house. Meanwhile, an elderly sheriff portrayed by Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, Crazy Heart) begins to track them down; expertly piecing together their patterns and next likely targets. Hell or High Water sports a killer list of performances, a GREAT soundtrack (composed by musician Nick Cave and graphic novelist Warren Ellis), and a wild sense of uncertainty. I imagine that over the years, this one will likely grow on me.
8. Arrival
Perhaps the most scientifically accurate depiction of how our own top experts would react to communicating with other world lifeforms, the quiet, slow burn known as Arrival was showered with praise even before it managed to hit theaters (and justifiably so if you ask me). Amy Adams, who absolutely deserved an Oscar nomination for what could easily go down as the best performance of her career, is fascinating to watch and listen to. If you're going into this one expecting another version of entertainment akin to, say, Independence Day, then you will disappointed beyond belief. Those with an open mind who are seeking truly original visions in the occasionally predictable world of modern science fiction will find Dennis Villeneuve (Sicario)'s newest effort spellbinding.
7. Sing Street
Take a good coming-of-age story, throw in elements of The Commitments and School of Rock, and mix in a dash of less-than-stellar Irish upbringing, and you've got one of the better hidden gems of 2016. There's so much amusing charm permeating throughout its brisk running time that you can't help but fall in love. I firmly believe that it was a bit of a crime that writer/director John Carney's (Once) story about a young man who sporadically forms a band in order to impress a girl who hangs outside of his new school didn't make its way into more theaters during its initial theatrical run. It sports a fantastic list of original (and copyrighted) songs, earnest performances, and above all else, has a ton of heart that is undeniably easy to identify with. Seek this one out however you can.
6. Captain America: Civil War
Wait, you're going to debate me on a comic book movie being so high on my personal list? Well, to quote the picture posted above, "I can do this all day." Watching the Marvel Cinematic Universe come together has been an absolute treat, so being given the opportunity to watch the world within it start to unravel and fall apart is equally as thrilling, if not slightly morbid. A story about the concept of accepting the consequences for your (rather big) actions is the most basic way to describe the plot of Civil War, but in a way, this is the true Avengers sequel that we deserve. Though most battles in this are fought amongst the heroes themselves, they are exciting, brilliantly choreographed, and have real meaning to them. Even if I'm slightly concerned for the state of the team and their future once Infinity War has come and gone, at least we have a tremendous piece of work right here to watch on repeat should we choose to.
5. Zootopia
I love to root for the little guy, and truth be told, that was why Kubo& The Two Strings was originally slotted to appear above Disney's Zootopia. In the end, however, I concluded that this little ditty is just a better picture all-around. It sports very important, and relevant lessons for younger viewers, offers commentary on racism that is so desperately needed in a climate that has unfortunately been overtaken far worse than it ever has been, and serves as a great reminder than you should never be held back from your dreams because they aren't what your "type" normally achieves. Oh, and it's very funny to boot. Did I mention that?
4. Hidden Figures
For once, the Academy Awards actually seems to be acknowledging the amount of incredible motion pictures that African-American filmmakers and/or actors have been churning out over the past few years. The true story of three black women who worked as mathematicians during the "space race" days of NASA was one of the easiest films to root for and get fully wrapped in, as it was just smart enough to not alienate itself from general audiences, but also not blatantly pandering to Joe Public. Everybody was in fine form here, including Empire queen Taraji P. Henson and even The Big Bang Theory star Jim Parsons (if you know me, I can go on for hours about why I loathe that show). Though it feels like the movie was slightly shunned in favor of more Hollywood-friendly flicks (a.k.a. La La Land), it's still a great one to track down and add to your queue.
3. Lion
Perhaps one of the most emotional, and slightly overlooked movies of the year, the true story of a young Indian boy who becomes lost on the streets of Calcutta, only to be adopted and seek out his biological mother twenty-five years later is stupendous. Dev Patel reminded us of why people loved him so much in movies such as Slumdog Millionaire, while Nicole Kidman churns out a very somber performance as the woman who just wants her child to be happy, even if he may not be of her own flesh and blood. Yes, the first half of Lion is a little stronger than its second, with a very Charles Dickens-esque aesthetic and structuring, but it doesn't detract from the overall experience. Plus, young newcomer Sunny Pawar is just so adorably innocent, that you may want to take him home with you yourself......but that could be considered illegal very soon. Fucking Trump.
2. Fences
Okay, yes, this adaptation of August Wilson's award-winning play of the same name doesn't fully separate itself from just feeling like a big screen version of a stage production, but god damn, that is such a small, insignificant complaint about this powerful, crushing story of a working-class African-American father attempting to raise his family while struggling with his own problems in life. The always fantastic Denzel Washington sits in the director's chair for the first time since 2007's The Great Debaters, and brings this polarizing, often-times unlikeable lead character to vibrant life, while simultaneously managing to ensure that the immensely talented Viola Davis finally secures her first Oscar win. And by Lemmy, if either of them go home empty-handed after this, I will be legitimately upset.
1. Moonlight
After finally catching a screening of Moonlight, I wasn't quite sure if it would even end up in my top five. But over time, it managed to do what the best of the best usually do: it stuck with me. As outstanding as every other movie is in this entry, this is haunting, oddly poetic, funny, gut-wrenching, and beautiful tale of a young African-American boy and the various stages of his life (each separated by chapter cards representing his different nicknames) is levels above them all. Moonlight's most fascinating and important aspect comes from lead character Chiron having one other distinguishing characteristic about him (that is unjustly ignored in nearly every trailer): he is a homosexual. Yes, we have been treated to a number of stories about how difficult it is to grow up in "the hood," but as long as I can remember, we rarely, if ever see stories such as this one. Actor Mahershala Ali (Predators, House of Cards) steals the show as one of the main character's earliest parental figures, and every actor of every age who plays Chiron is breathtaking with their range and emotion that is put forth on screen. Moonlight isn't just a good coming-of-age film, and it isn't just an incredible motion picture from a very talented African-American filmmaker, but for my money, the best movie of 2016.
And there you have it! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to watch a bunch of crusty, rich white men snub the best aspects of cinema from 2016 in favor of the stuff that was....still okay?
See? I lived up to my promise! The fourth part of the (now) yearly rankings that I have started is up for your reading pleasure. Alas, I can not promise you that these following summaries will be as lengthy as some of my more "legitimate" reviews are, but hopefully I can convince those of you who are still curious to check some of these out in what spare time that you may have these days.
24. Sausage Party
Yep. I ranked an animated comedy about potty-mouthed food items discovering what their (grisly) purpose in life truly is above a movie directed by the Coen Brothers, a Tom Hanks-led picture, and a god damn Marvel movie....no, I do not give you permission to drug test me. However, I can strongly recommend that you check out my full, unbiased review that I typed up back in the month of August. I still stand by my statement that this was the funniest motion picture that I saw in 2016.
Well, until a few months later at least.
23. The Shallows
Speaking of previously-written thoughts, should you have a couple of minutes to spare, here was my prior review for this awesome, unexpected horror/thriller. Without giving away too many details found in that link, I can only say this: if you had told me that the director of the much-maligned House of Wax remake would manage to make a basic concept such as "Blake Lively is stuck on a rock in the middle of the ocean, and a Great White Shark is trying to kill her" work so effectively, I would have dismissed you as truly insane. Instead, what we get is the first truly scary shark film in what felt like an eternity. Bravissimo!
So, how can you top an aquatic killing machine whose sole mission seems to be centered around eating Ryan Reynolds' very talented wife? Who do you turn to for help?
As always, the clear answer is....
Which leads us to....
22. The Witch
Coming seemingly out of nowhere, writer/director Robert Eggers crafted one of the most peculiar, unique, and all-around creepy motion pictures in the realm of horror that managed to stand out in the crowd. I went into The Witch completely blind, knowing nothing other than the setting and the title of the movie itself. Because of that, it took me by surprise when I observed that all of its dialogue was influenced by/lifted from authentic colonial works. This makes the story, which revolves around a banished, secluded Puritan family's attempts at surviving as rumors of evil spirits and the rumored work of darker forces threaten to destroy them all, much more interesting. One has to wonder how much of this fear has been brought about by religious insanity and how much has come from the dark lord's actual influence. If you are seeking originality out of this genre which has been (wrongly) maligned as lacking truly original visions these days, I highly encourage you to track down a copy of this beautifully-shot, well-acted, slow burn of a gem, and let yourself be sucked into its world. And come on, wouldst thou like to live deliciously?
21. Moana
It almost feels utterly pointless discussing Disney's latest foray into their tired and true animated realm (this also being their first musical since that one particular project of theirs flopped sooo hard), but I feel the need to get something out of the way before explaining as to why this is placed so high on my list. After my screening for Moana, the tale of a chief's daughter who seeks to right some wrongs made by a demigod ages ago, I was impressed, but not necessarily blown away. Perhaps it was because of two other animated motion pictures having been released to theaters beforehand that bothered to take bigger chances and attempted to appeal to a larger variety of audiences (I will not spoil as to what those were), or maybe it was due to my belief that the story, though fun, is very basic underneath it all and lacking a memorable antagonist. In the end, those are honestly very minor quips about an otherwise very impressive effort from the hard-working crew at Walt Disney Animation Studios: Moana is packed full of vibrant colors, a phenomenal voice cast (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is on top of his game, and even sings!), a slick sense of humor, and a fan-friggin-tastic soundtrack that is impossible to remove from your head once the first couple of songs have ended. More importantly, it is a great lesson for younger viewers (especially girls) to never abandon your dreams, stick to your guns, and never choose to live a secluded, drab life. Over the next four years, sincerity and advice such as that is going to be sorely needed.
20. The Handmaiden
The truest example of why some directors just shine when they are in their natural element (or when they are free from the boundaries of Hollywood), Oldboy director Park Chan-wook returns to his native South Korea with a vengeance, and delivered one of the more stunning, evocative, and criminally underrated flicks of 2016 with The Handmaiden: a loose adaptation of author Sarah Waters' historical novel Fingersmith. Ever since bursting onto the scene more than two decades ago, Park has developed somewhat of a reputation for throwing a number of twists into his own projects. More often than not, they end up leaving you feeling unclean, aghast, or violated. Given that the film's plot revolves around a poor girl hired by a conman as part of a plan to get on the good side of a naïve Japanese heiress while he himself simultaneously seduces her, you can expect that nothing will be what it seems on the surface. The fantastic mixture of psychological torture and flagrant eroticism (some of the sensuality in here could have earned this an NC-17 rating had it received a wider release) works so effectively, that the rather long running time of 145 minutes will go by quicker than you think. Yes, efforts such as these don't always work, but it is delightful watching a respected filmmaker get the opportunity to work with so little boundaries and managing to pull it off.
19. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
This fun mockumentary from the Lonely Island crew, which consists of Saturday Night Live alums Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer, chronicled the ridiculousness relating to the state of the music business in the 21st century. The former plays an egotistical artist whose own solo career has been on fire ever since splitting from his former bandmates. With the release of his sophomore album around the corner, the need to stay successful and relevant becomes higher than ever before, and once mediocre reviews start coming in, everything begins to fall apart. The troupe's style of satirical humor and constant quips have carried over from cult favorite Hot Rod, though they feel sharpened and more consistent than its predecessor ever did. Much like Zoolander 2, it never shies away from poking fun at the absurdities found throughout the entertainment industry, and manages to pack in a large number of celebrity cameos. The main difference, however, is that unlike that pathetic excuse for a feature-length film, these result in some very uproariously hilarious moments. Sadly, Ben Stiller's rather horrendous sequel won in the end, as Popstar was one of 2016's bigger commercial disappointments. Perhaps as time goes by, its reputation and word of mouth shall grow stronger.
18. Deadpool
Come on, you don't have any valid excuse for having not seen this already. It's a perfect handling of one of the most un-PC, witty, and all-around wackily violent antiheros in all of comic books. This is especially shocking when you consider how badly he was treated in the deplorable and widely-despised X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which takes quite a beating throughout Deadpool's brisk 108 minute-long running time). Go watch it. Stop drinking your overpriced beer, eating whatever fancy vegan dish you cooked up on the fly, or searching for new Sonic fanfiction. And for the love of Lemmy, do NOT let me catch you doing the latter. You're above that at your age.
But to get back onto the topic at hand, put it on. NOW.
I'M SERIOUS.
GO WATCH IT. IT'S PRETTY DAMN FUNNY. AND SUPREMELY ENTERTAINING.
BUT ONLY AFTER YOU READ THE REST OF THIS POST.
17. 10 Cloverfield Lane
Ahhh, sometimes it's so darn easy just copying and pasting links isn't it? Well, to save you the time, here's my.....wait a minute. I never wrote a review for this?! Shit man, ever since catching this in a theater back in March, I had a distinct feeling that this claustrophobic companion piece to 2008's surprise hit Cloverfield would place rather high on my end of the year list(s). Lo and behold, even among a sea of Academy Award contenders and other assorted heavyweights, it was nice to recall just how darn engaging and intense this film actually was. For starters, you have beloved actor John Goodman (Roseanne, The Big Lebowski, Monsters Inc.) turning in what could be one of the best performances of his career (it's certainly his most fierce) as a paranoid bunker dweller who rescues a young woman (Scott Pilgrim's Mary Elizabeth Winstead) after a car crash. When she awakens, he insists that the outside world is no longer habitable, and that it is safer for everyone to stay below the surface instead. The tension felt throughout 10 Cloverfield Lane is truly unnerving, as the viewer begins to question whether they can separate the truth from flagrant lies. The possibility of the man who claims to be a heroic figure snapping over the most minor of things is higher than seeing that raging cheeto that somehow got elected attack another journalist over doing their fucking job. As the news breaks of this "universe" potentially expanding in the near future, one can only wonder of what will happen next. Will we be lucky enough to explore additional details of a backstory relating to Goodman's psychotic (or is he?) character? Are there more individuals with similar situations in the outside world? Whatever comes about from this, we are still blessed with an expertly-told, intimidating science fiction thriller.
Also, if she ever gets around to reading this, sorry Carrie.
16. Kubo & The Two Strings
It would be truly rotten to not place a monumentally ambitious project like Kubo in my top twenty (it misses out on being in the top twelve because of some very minor flaws). When it comes to the realm of triumphant animation, I feel as though Laika Entertainment doesn't get brought up nearly as much as they should. True, previous works such as Coraline and Paranorman garner a large amount of praise and respect from critics and fans alike, but they aren't beating out Disney or DreamWorks at the award ceremonies. In that aspect, they could be likened to a modern day version of Sullivan Bluth Studios, who in decades prior, managed to compete with (and occasionally surpass) the dynasty headed by that cheery mouse and his cohorts. These type of pictures treat their audience with respect, and aren't afraid to explore territories involving the darker sides of humanity, which include the subject of death. Unlike the visual fecal matter found in Norm of the North, these crews realize that your kids deserve a better quality flick. Though Kubo's story is very basic (your standard tale of a boy who sets out on a journey to find something that will help him defeat an older evil from the past), its true strength lies in the work of those who literally put this together. A good chunk of its cast and set pieces are brought to life through gorgeous stop-motion effect work that is just as much of a love letter to the aforementioned Don Bluth as it is to Japanese legend Hayao Miyazaki (Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke). To date, Laika's newest outing is the first feature to receive Academy Award nominations in both "Best Animated Feature" and "Best Visual Effects," and I firmly believe that it deserves to win both. As imaginative as it is touching, Kubo & The Two Strings shows us just what children's animation can be when honest-to-Lemmy effort is put into it.
15. Godzilla: Resurgence/Shin Gojira
A radiated titan emerges for the first time in this new day and age, which perplexes the Japanese government as to what actions should be taken so that they can ensure the safety of their own citizens. After all, just dropping bombs on the beast famously nicknamed the "King of the Monsters" seems easy in concept, but when you consider the destruction that could come about from it, such an option may not be the wisest to choose from. I could go on for an even longer time about this amazing reimagining/interpretation of The Big G from Hideaki Anno (Neon Genesis Evangelion) and Shinji Higuchi (Attack on Titan), but I believe that kindly asking you to read my full-length review over here would be in your best interest instead.
14. Manchester by the Sea
When a very somber man receives the news that his brother has passed away, he is surprisingly given custody of his teenage nephew, and the two attempt to cope with what their lives have become (or are about to morph into). I'm not quite certain as to how this did not end up higher on the list, especially when I found there to be very little in terms of flaws with the film itself. Perhaps because it is so frequently dour, that even the brief bits of black comedy never quite landed as well as they should have? Or maybe I'm just being a nitpicking nerd. A tour de force performance from Casey Affleck ensures that he is officially out of his brother's shadow and on a different plain entirely. Audiences may initially find him to be a quiet, unassuming shell of his former self, but during various flashbacks, it is entirely understandable as to why he has turned into the human being that he is. Wes Anderson regular Lucas Hedges also manages to turn in a deceptively good portrayal of the younger man who is handling his father's death in a rather unusual way, but manages to mask his true emotions better than most do. No other film ripped your heart out quite as well as Manchester by the Sea did in 2016, and you may not even be in a hurry to watch it again any time soon. Still, sometimes the best experiences can come from a "one and done," no matter how gloomy they are.
13. La La Land
This is how I imagine a good number of individuals will react to my placement of this outside of the final/top twelve.
Okay, that was more of an excuse to post a clip from the righteously funny Rick and Morty. But I digress.
Yes, La La Land is really, really good. The love story is a simple throwback to the golden days of Hollywood musicals (struggling girl meets struggling boy, they unexpectedly fall in love), the acting is very solid, the soundtrack is worth all of the attention that it has been receiving, the cinematography and choreography are top notch, and the daringness of making something like this in 2016 is something to truly admire. And yet, I still managed to catch at least twelve other motion pictures that never quite felt like blatant love letters to the Academy. It is a very well-known fact that Hollywood LOVES films about the industry and the good old days. This isn't necessarily a detriment towards La La Land itself, but this does mean that the story can occasionally suffer from not really having as much substance as it could. You have to give just as much attention to the technical aspects as you should to the absolutely essential element of the plot. Regardless, it does sport a lot of charm and pizazz, which warrants a solid recommendation and makes for a pleasant experience. If it wins all of the major awards at the biggest event in show business, then I won't be that upset. Besides, nothing can top Crash in terms of undeserving wins, right?
Well, the hard part is over. Tomorrow, "End of the Line" concludes with my personal top twelve flicks from 2016. Maybe we'll see a clash of long-time fictional friends, an intense confrontation with neo-nazis inside of a club, or even a double dose of Janelle Monae?
