Unseen Terror 2018: Day 14

With Halloween approaching, young people should be preparing for a night of dressing up, candy, and all-around spooky fun. Well, except for teenagers Sarah, who is struggling to write an essay that will get her into Columbia University, and Sonny, who is dead set on completing the best project for science class that he can muster. During their free afternoons, Sonny and his best friend Sam run a junk collecting business, and receive a call one day from someone wanting them to clean out an abandoned house. After some digging around, they stumble upon a strange artifact: a locked manuscript for what appears to be an unfinished book. The two find the necessary key, and after opening the book, a ventriloquist's dummy suddenly appears behind them. They read from a note in his coat pocket, which brings the object known as "Slappy" to life. It isn't long before this wooden trickster is using his hidden magic to make inanimate objects sentient; intent on creating a terrorizing evening for the entire town. 

Back at the end of 2015's Unseen Terror, I skipped out on typing a full review for that year's October release Goosebumps. Based on the series of books written by R.L. Stine, they ate up a good chunk of my childhood, and along with random late night cinematc viewings on stations like the Sci-Fi Channel and Cinemax, I'd credit them for helping to get me into "adult" horror. Though I was incredibly nervous going in, I found the picture to be a very pleasant experience. Despite some issues here and there, it's chocked full of nods to the original novels, and serves as a nice introduction to scarier stories for modern day parents and their children. If you were hesitant to let your kids watch it, I'd say that now is a perfectly good time for them to dive right in.

I can't, however, echo those same bits of enthusiasm for its 2018 sequel.

Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween plays out more like the picture that I was afraid the first film would be. It suffers from a lack of almost anything interesting, and judging by the near-silence in the theater that I was in, won't likely please fans or non-fans. The main protagonists have no distinguishing personality traits, and considering how dull the script is, it's hard to blame any of these performers for not being able to do a better job. Cast-wise there are a few recognizable faces that pop up, including Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock alum Chris Parnell and Community's Ken Jeong. Their presence is appreciated, but their screen time is so limited that the comedic talent that we fully know they possess is completely squandered. Even Jack Black, whose surprise appearance was spoiled thanks to newer television spots and trailers, is in the film for a little under five minutes and serves no purpose. And yes, I'm aware that the heroes of the first movie weren't exactly the most well-developed either, but they were working with stronger material and the energy of Black and his colleagues rubbed off on them. This time around, the only big name that these teens hope to have chemistry with is a dummy doing a very poor impersonation of Mark Hamill's Joker.

On the technical side of things, Goosebumps 2 doesn't look completely terrible, but it gives off a very straight-to-video or "made for TV sequel" vibe. There is some very wonky camera work, and the editing leaves you wondering if the people who put together the final product just kind of mixed up what scenes they wanted to be cut. If you're looking for monsters though, those folks behind the scenes certainly wanted to deliver them in droves. Yes, the sight of a gigantic spider made entirely out of balloons is rather cool, as is a cute sequence involving rabid gummy bears, but my god, nothing feels that special when you just throw about twenty different creations into the span of two minutes. Fans of the source material may have fun trying to pick out what some of these beasts are a reference to (any kid who understands Black's joke about Stephen King's It may need better parenting), but it was more entertaining to do with its predecessor. All of that brings me to something which can likely make or break this sequel for the audience: Slappy. While he was definitely important to the plot of the first Goosebumps, he didn't make a full appearance until after a certain amount of time had passed. This time around, he's (re)introduced within the first ten minutes or so, and they feel the need to suffocate us with his presence. His one-liners, quips, and actions towards others seem less amusing this time around. So much so that even the multiple families who I saw this with laughed approximately twice during its running time, no matter what the joke was or who was delivering it. To quote the late, great Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert: You know that you're in trouble when you have to "drop trou" in order to get a laugh.

I've seen several films during this year's marathon that took me by surprise, but until now, none that had been a massive disappointment. Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween is riddled with too many clichés, too many dull characters, and just a lack of effort to make something truly special for your kids. If your child still hasn't seen the first motion picture, they are far better off sitting through that than this pile of rotting pumpkins. If they've already sat through that one, sit down with them and watch something nostalgic from prior decades, such as The Monster Squad, Gremlins, or even The Gate. Because despite my disinterest in having children of my own, I firmly believe that your offspring deserve better.

Tomorrow, it's time to put the youngins' to bed, because Tobe Hooper is exploding back onto the marathon!

Unseen Terror 2016: Day 28

High school students around the town of Mill Basin are heavily promoting the debut live shows of an upcoming heavy metal act called Black Roses. The group has gained an infamous reputation for their confrontational lyrics, and accusations from flustered parents are running rampant that they may have ties to darker forces. Still, the town's mayor says that making a decision to cancel any concerts is beyond his control, as it was the institution itself who approved of the decision to hold these events. Once the evening of the first gig sets in, the youth of Mill Basin are exposed to the true power of rock and roll: they relish and party enthusiastically to the plethora of tunes pouring out of the speakers. Ironically enough, however, what is often accused and labeled as being "the devil's music" could be just that, as the kids learn that these tracks could serve as a powerful tool for conjuring demons!



As if it wasn't blatantly obvious, heavy metal and horror films go together like chicken and waffles: you would never imagine that the pairing would work until you try it out. They both have ties to the darker sides of humanity, were often born out of frustration with the creators' surroundings and upbringing, and frequently confront issues that we may not be comfortable with discussing. So, after hearing of 1988's Black Roses, which pairs two of my longest-running loves that I will most likely never tire of (shoutout to Watercooler Films for the suggestion by the way!), I felt that this was a necessity. Plus, remembering how much I enjoyed the random blind buy known as Suck was an extra incentive, so this felt like a no-brainer.


If you are a first time reader of Unseen Terror, then I must apologize in advance, as this review will likely contain some foul language not suitable for those who are rather young or quite sensitive. But, there is no other way to construct the following statement: Black Roses fucking rules. Managing to seamlessly blend the best of B-movie horror and gleefully silly over-the-top horror-comedies, the entire experience is so earnest that you can't help but fall for it. True, if you read the plot description above, it does sound dumb, but if you've gone this far during my marathon(s), then you should know that this is considered to be quite normal in comparison to other projects with larger budgets. Plus, those pictures don't feature music legend Carmine Appice (Vanilla Fudge, Ozzy Osbourne, Rod Stewart) as a demonic drummer, do they?


There is a fear that one would feel once they hit 'play' on their copy of Black Roses, which is the concern that the movie is anti-heavy metal propaganda. After all, the lead character (portrayed by The Young and the Restless veteran John Martin) is a concerned English teacher, who despite his very cool and welcoming demeanor, doesn't exactly seem like the type to be caught listening to any heavier music. His students end up turning into apathetic, violent, or just plain monstrous beings once they are exposed to the tunes of the titular band, and Mill Basin's version of the notorious pro-censorship group the PMRC is viewed as paranoid and anciently out of touch. Honestly though, I just didn't see there being any warnings related to heavy metal being dangerous. In fact, most of the flick seems to have more in common with a piece like Trick or Treat, which I always felt was making fun of the "metal is evil" sentiment, or even so-bad-they're-good pieces of exploitation like Reefer Madness, though this is obviously not taking itself as serious as the latter was. And when you consider that director John Fasano also sat in the main chair for the love letter to the genre(s) known as underground hit Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare, do you really believe that he would suddenly pull a 180 a mere year later?


Anyway, if I can get back on topic, one of Black Roses' defining traits is how everybody in the cast and crew is totally on board with the material and concept. Though the list of performers as a whole are quite exceptional, the aforementioned Martin steals the show. Not just sporting a killer mustache, the man also displays a great willingness to play along and relish every time that he gets to interact with something out of the ordinary. There's also an all-too-brief appearance from Vincent Pastore (yes, Big Pussy from The Sopranos) as an irritable father who fights a demon that attempts to drag him into a speaker-vortex. No, you didn't read that wrong, but trust me when I say that it is just fabulous. Julie Adams (Creature from the Black Lagoon) also shows up as one of the crankier elders who just doesn't seem to understand why the kids love this rock and/or roll, though it admittedly took me a second or two to recognize her face. She's more defined-looking than some of Black Roses' effects though. For as much praising as I am raining down upon this film, it does unfortunately suffer from some rather bad makeup and beast designs, but it is very possible that a good chunk of the production cost went to securing some of the bands needed for the soundtrack. That, or they just didn't have many great ideas to begin with. Still, it doesn't detract from the overall fun factor, and I'll gladly take watching someone swat at a long-necked monster with a tennis racket at any opportunity.


Even with minor flaws such as a weak ending and a somewhat disappointing final ten minutes, Black Roses is a ton of fun. I get true joy from discovering hidden gems buried beneath various piles of dirty pebbles, and this horror-metal hybrid shines rather brightly with delicious amounts of cheese, charm, and a killer soundtrack to boot (if you aren't humming a single one of these songs after everything has wrapped up, you aren't paying attention). It's a god damn shame that this obscure motion picture is sitting at such a low rating on various websites such as IMDb, though hopefully it will receive further praise down the line by someone in the realm of pop culture with a bit more pull. I can only hope that such high-level admiration skyrockets it into getting a proper Blu-Ray release. Still, a standard DVD version of Black Roses is readily available for streaming and purchase online.



And at the very least, I can guarantee you that it's infinitely better than the Mark Wahlberg vehicle known as Rock Star. Because that movie is pure bollocks.




Tomorrow, we venture off to the theater again, as I take a LONG overdue trip to the coldest regions of the world. Why go there you may ask? Well, I have to pay respect to my elders, do I not?

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 12

The time is 1630 Moldavia. Asa Vajda and her admirer Javuto have been sentenced to death by the former's own brother, convicted of the crimes of witchcraft. Before she is burned at the stake, Asa swears vengeance, smiting and cursing the descendants of her brother. Two hundred years later, through accidental tampering on the part of two traveling physicians, the witch and her servant return, murdering and hypnotizing innocent men in order to assist with Asa's ultimate goal: possessing the body of her heir apparent, thus gaining immortality.


I'm not quite sure what I can say about Black Sunday (known in some circles as the equally awesome-sounding The Mask Of Satan) that hasn't already been uttered or written by nearly every horror publication, connoisseur, fan, and general lover of cinema. It is the fault of nobody but myself for sleeping on this one for so long, especially when you consider that this picture, and Italian pioneer Mario Bava in general (I've previously reviewed his anthology picture Black Sabbath), played a big part in influencing future filmmaker kingpins such as Joe Dante (Gremlins, The Howling) and Martin Scorsese (no introduction needed).


For starters, this isn't a standard "older" horror movie as some people tend to identify them now. At the time, Black Sunday was quite macabre, and even a bit on the disturbing side. Though released in 1960, it took eight full years for it to find a theatrical release in the United Kingdom, given that censors were quite mortified with its imagery and shocking amount of violence (the "death mask" scene at the beginning is something that drew me to the picture in the first place, and it still looks awesomely sadistic). I am absolutely and completely against movie censorship, but it wasn't hard to see why certain individuals were so antsy about releasing this to the general public. When Asa is unearthed from her casket by our protagonists, there are several different bugs and arachnids crawling out from her eye sockets. Showing that today would conjure up just as many gags and shrieks as I'm sure it did back then. This morbidity also makes you think: when you consider the time period, Bava's foray into stardom occurred right after the "campy" horror/science fiction wave of the 1950s was dying down, where we would be receiving pictures like The Giant Gila Monster and The Tingler every few weeks or so. No disrespect to those two movies, or any others like it, but I feel like if through some odd means, you had transported some of the pickier or snobbier horror fans from today into a theater back then, sitting through multiple films in that sub-genre would have become incredibly tiresome, and they would have been craving for something like Black Sunday to finally come along and change things drastically.


The look of Bava's first "official" directorial debut is gothic, bleak, and all-around eerie, setting the tone for the horrors and murders that are to come. I know that I often speak highly of how much I adore good lighting and cinematography, but I honestly don't think anything on this year's list will be able to match this movie's techniques and captivating mood. Speaking of captivating, this was also my first introduction to the lovely English actress Barbara Steele, whose very distinctive-looking face and gaze are seen in essentially every promotional shot and poster for the flick. Gushing over actors or actresses isn't usually my thing or forte for a marathon such as this, as I prefer to stick to the quality of the motion picture itself, but the woman is instantly memorable and those large eyes and ravishing dark hair won't be leaving your mind for quite some time. She's definitely earned the right to be called a horror icon, even if she is unfortunately dubbed here (as is the rest of the cast. It's an Italian production after all).


You know that you've made a good choice when a feature only takes about twenty to thirty minutes in order for you to come very close to loving it. I legitimately stopped jotting down notes for this review around the halfway mark, just so that I could focus on Black Sunday's wonderful imagery and embrace the feel of the entire experience. This also could potentially explain why my review this time around feels more like fanboy masturbation rather than proper critiquing and analyzing, but hey, it's pretty late and I never claimed to be a professional. At least not yet. But either way, if you're interested in a dark, still somewhat creepy old Italian horror picture, go watch this one. It's respectable and different filmmaking at its finest.



My apologies, I feel as if there's nothing clever to say here this time around. If you ask me, The Mask Of Satan is a cooler title though.



Tomorrow, I'm partaking in my first attempt to find the elusive Bigfoot, but I might find Night Of The Demon instead!

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 2

An elderly gentleman (Boris Karloff) presents a terrifying trilogy of tales. First up, a greedy nurse steals from the recently deceased, but finds that the dead don't take kindly to thieves. Then, a young woman finds herself terrorized on the phone by an ex-lover she once thought gone. Finally, a nobleman stumbles across a beheaded corpse, and soon thereafter, a worried family whose father has not returned for five days, but who soon may under peculiar circumstances.


Mario Bava's importance to the horror genre can't be denied. Most aficionados cite works such as Black Sunday, Blood & Black Lace, and Planet of the Vampires as essential viewings for fans of Italian horror. He's also played a huge part in Italian cinema's affinity for beautiful women and dark endings. Another feature with such high praise and respect is 1963's Black Sabbath, which yes, did inspire the band of the same name. So in a way, you can thank the Italians for helping give birth to heavy metal! Okay, I admit that sounds stupid. Still, it was either that or resort to making a LOT of jokes based around the band's lyrics and song titles throughout this review.

Reviewing anthology films always tends to be a bit on the difficult side, given that all of the segments could be treated as individual films. Black Sabbath has a lot in common with most anthologies though, despite it predating a majority of my personal favorites. For example, it saves the best and (arguably) most memorable segment for last. I don't think I can recall ANY anthology that hasn't done this though. The first segment, titled "The Drop of Water," felt a tad bit too short for my liking. It relies upon the shock factor with seeing a dried up corpse a tad bit too much, but the quiet tone it sets up before the big "conclusion" does work a bit. I can give high praise for the makeup in this segment too, which looked pretty gosh darn good by 1963's standards.

The second segment, "The Telephone," had a rather underwhelming end, but was otherwise well done and had a great lead actress in the beautiful Michele Mercier. You can also see where films such as When a Stranger Calls and Scream got some of their inspiration from after viewing this segment. The only true downfall of this story was that the conclusion feels underwhelming, at least considering what it was building up to.

As stated above, however, the crowning achievement of Black Sabbath comes with "The Wurdulak," a supernatural tale about a loved one returning not quite the same as they once were. Boris Karloff, in addition to portraying our narrator introducing the stories, stars in this one, and of course, gives a pretty darn creepy performance that makes this segment worth watching, even if you end up skipping the other two. I do wish some of the dialogue hadn't been so schlocky or downright odd ("Can't I fondle my own grandson?!"), but that comes with the territory sometimes. The characters are more well developed, which is most likely due to this segment running the longest. Heck, it doesn't even really LOOK like a 1963 film, though that was due to some exceptional lighting used at just the right time.

By today's standards, Black Sabbath isn't perfect, but it is something worth viewing at least once. Given that the film is going to turn sixty years old next year, and that the final segment can still hold up as a magnificent piece of horror, that is absolutely worth respecting.


Tomorrow, I'll begin my descent into hell with a plethora of sequels within two days, all of which will start with HELLRAISER: INFERNO.