I'm choosing to fill a small part of the gray area in my life with random reviews from the realms of cinema, music, and more things that are generally looked down upon by society. And you've chosen to read them apparently.
The last known survivor of a planet known as Krypton, young Kansas native and traveller Clark Kent unearths his true origins over time, while being simultaneously shunned and welcomed by assorted members of the general populace. Soon, relics from his newly discovered past find their way to Earth, and the super-powered being must protect his new home from these Kryptonian invaders.
For the half dozen of you who frequent/occasionally visit my blog, this may end up being the hardest review I've ever had to do for a motion picture. Not due to any difficulty with wording, or frustration with a property that I have a marginal amount of respect for being handled well or terribly, but due to having to bite my tongue when it comes to spoilers. It is a true burden sometimes for us geeks, in that our biggest complaints and compliments often can give away the best (and sometimes most integral) moments of a film. Man of Steel is one of those films. When it shines, it shines brighter than a thousand suns. When it stinks, it reeks of Krypto the Super-Dog feces.
I was one of the few people who didn't initially hate 2006's Superman Returns, though my opinion certainly hasn't been a popular one throughout the years. True, Superman didn't do much of anything in that film, and everyone was essentially turned into Mynah Birds with their performances, plus the angle of Superman being a deadbeat dad wasn't exactly smart, but...actually, that really wraps up why most of that film was a failure. I never thought Zack Snyder was a great choice for directing a Superman film, especially considering how his own body of work has arguably been getting worse throughout the years. Snyder has always seemed to favor style over substance, and he takes several liberties with the character's own sense of morals and beliefs which will draw the ire of longtime fans and geeks alike. Thankfully (and somewhat unfortunately), Zack Snyder delivers more than enough on the action front in this new reboot. Again, I will try my damndest to avoid spoiling anything.
Starting off with the obvious question: is Henry Cavill a good Superman? Well, yes. His version of the character does seem to be a bit more melancholy than we're used to seeing, but I get that they were trying to reach for a different demographic with it. He certainly made up for his lead role in 2011's very silly Immortals. The flashback scenes that litter the film do help build him up and slightly humanize him in the audience's eyes, something which has always been a complaint from non-fans. And my oh my, do those moments when he finally achieves flight feel magnificent. Bravo. Someone who I felt mildly disappointed by was Amy Adams' Lois Lane, who felt severely underwritten and didn't seem to have the best chemistry with her co-stars. Adams is a fine actress (in more ways than one...oh don't judge me), but I think that with more screen time, she could have been just as good as Cavill himself. Pa and Ma Kent, played by Kevin Costner and Diane Lane, do a good job considering that a majority of their time is spent in flashbacks. Lane was sporting a considerable amount of makeup in order to enhance the effect of looking "old," but I don't think it worked too well. It reminded me of the very strange makeup job done on Guy Pearce in Prometheus. Costner does give a good performance, and does seem to express genuine concern for his son's well being and place in this strange, oftentimes confusing world. In terms of the biological parents, Russell Crowe's Jor-El of Planet Exposition delivers an infinitely better performance than expected, though it did feel like Snyder had an obvious hard-on for the character, as he appears even more than the villains themselves.
But come! Let us talk about the villains chosen to oppose Superman this time around! Michael Shannon takes on the role of General Zod this time around, which is the first time the character has been seen on the big screen since Superman II. And...he isn't very good. Zod feels more comical than threatening this time around, though there are certain acts where he manages to get back onto his A-game. Personally, I found Zod's sub-commander Faora to be a much better, and ultimately more compelling villain. She was cold, ruthless, and willing to do whatever was necessary for the survival of her people, and for her General. She also takes part in the film's first real major battle with Superman himself, and it is quite the spectacle to behold. What, did you think my review was going to be nothing but minor gripes? I think not. The action sequences in Man of Steel are pretty remarkable and have their fair share of excitement, though the final one does feel slightly tacked on. Hans Zimmer also turns in a score that oozes emotion and triumph, and may be worth the price of admission alone.
The film does run rather long, and starts to drag a tad bit with its final act (oops, back to the gripes). While the previously mentioned action scenes are indeed impressive, they come at the expense of character development and decently written characters in general. I know I may sound like a broken record with this, but we've seen over the years that you can still make a good "comic book" film that doesn't skip out on either end and can satisfy most theatergoers. Look at what Marvel have done throughout the years, as has Christopher Nolan (who produces and co-writes here) with the Batman trilogy reboot. This was a complaint many had about Snyder's Watchmen, and there are many moments in this reboot that mirror the best and worst of that adaptation, though as I stated above, they are related to spoilers, something which I will avoid for the sake of this review.
Ultimately, Man of Steel feels more in line with a picture like The Dark Knight Rises than Batman Begins. It is certainly not a perfect film, nor is it a flat out awful one, and I suspect that with repeated viewings, my overall enjoyment of the final product may diminish. For now, it is a very flashy, flawed, and fairly enjoyable superhero romp that is worth a matinee admission.
Actor Jay Baruchel arrives in Los Angeles, intent on spending the weekend with his old friend and comrade, fellow actor Seth Rogen. At first, the two enjoy a fun, quiet weed and video game-filled day together at the Knocked Up star's abode, but Rogen convinces the hesitant Baruchel to attend a housewarming party at the home of actor James Franco. While the celebration continues to spiral out of control and make Baruchel feel uneasy, things start to unravel and fall apart around the large city, leading to an earthquake and multiple disasters, which convinces several guests at the party that the end times may be upon us.
This one's trailers made me incredibly nervous. Sure, I love most of the cast involved, and the concept certainly isn't off-putting to a viewer like me, but the chances of This is the End turning into one giant in-joke or a large vanity project were incredibly high. For every Curb Your Enthusiasm, there's always going to be The Paul Reiser Show.
Surprisingly, the ninth collaborative effort from Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (not counting their work on television shows like Da Ali G Show) does its job well of, you know, making you laugh and entertaining you for one hundred and seven minutes. There are moments where it ALMOST veers into vanity territory, but it manages to ground itself rather quickly, seemingly reminding itself that your goal is the greater amusement of millions, rather than a small handful. To quote an older classic, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. I imagine it takes a special kind of chemistry to make your ninth time working together not completely boring, as they seem to rarely miss when working together. And before you mention The Green Hornet, keep in mind, I did say "rarely."
I imagine choosing who would be a more prominent and featured character in this film must've been a nightmare, either due to not wanting to play favorites, or perhaps due to certain actors and actresses not being available for extended periods of time. This is certainly the most amount of screen time you'll ever see from Jay Baruchel. Normally he's a background player, or the sidekick to the more successful and arguably more famous celebrity. Seth Rogen and James Franco do what they do, and the latter seems to be having a ball playing a more exaggerated and arrogant version of himself. Come to think of it, everyone is definitely playing an exaggerated version of themselves, though anyone who viewed the trailers beforehand could have told you this. Curiously, I would love to find out if Michael Cera is really a cocaine-addicted sex hound, or if Craig Robinson is the type of individual willing to drink his own urine if necessary. I was disappointed that Emma Watson's and Danny McBride's screen time isn't nearly as long as one would like (not a spoiler!), especially considering how many of the film's biggest laughs come from the latter. Speaking of laughs, this may have been the funniest I've seen Jonah Hill be in quite a long time, or at least since Get Him to the Greek. In the latter half of the movie, there are two scenes that parody Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist which may be able to get laughs out of even the most hardened of comedy fans. I'd even go so far as to say it was his best comedic role since Superbad.
As I stated though, the film is far from some sort of comedic masterpiece. Some jokes elicit more chuckles than actual laughs, but very few parts flat out misfire. Even the random cameos pay off, especially one towards the end that will shock quite a number of younger females in the audience. Yes, cameos among a film with actors playing themselves. Quite silly and kind of asinine, I know. The film is also surprisingly bloody, which may upset those who can't stomach darker moments in their comedies, and the camera angles and techniques used during the apocalyptic scenes in the beginning can make some viewers feel disjointed.
This is the End does make for a good overall time in...no, I REFUSE to make that pun. I'll just say the film is quite amusing, it isn't too long, and if you can catch a matinee with some friends, you should have a good time. Oh, and the soundtrack is pretty darn awesome too, minus that terribly boring new Black Sabbath song played in the end credits.
That record, however, along with several 2013 releases, is subject for another post in the future.
Following the events in New York, several attacks occur around the United States, all seemingly spearheaded by a mysterious man simply called "The Mandarin." Tony Stark decides to take action, and issues a challenge to the terrorist, all the while dealing with demons in his own life, be they from the present, or, as we come to find out, from the past.
Before I start this review, I want to express what a disappointment it is that the experience of the "Midnight Movie" is slowly being phased out. I was curious as to why this was even something up for discussion by theater owners, and found that it was solely due to the terrible event last summer in Colorado, where psychopathic dipshit James Holmes murdered twelve people at a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. Apparently, the thought is that when you take away the planned time of a massacre, it can prevent one. Does this make any sense to any individual who made it past the 8th grade? No? Well congratulations, you're a sane human being. Murderers usually don't care about what specific time of the day they pull off something like this, and pushing a screening for something like Iron Man 3 to 9:02 pm instead of midnight is NOT going to prevent this. There are other ways folks. But I don't want to ramble on too long since this is a post for a review, not a rant.
You know the old saying "The man makes the suit, not the other way around?" Well, Iron Man 3 could be the very definition of that, even if the suit is really damn cool. The third installment in what (I suppose) could be constituted as a trilogy, the film firmly establishes itself from the get go as a Tony Stark story, and not as an Avengers sequel. Without spoiling anything, there are small references here and there to the other characters and previous events in this universe, but it may be best to remind you that the film IS called Iron Man 3, and not Iron Man 3 featuring An Occasional Avengers Character.
The classic theme of the past coming back to bite you in the rear is also greatly explored, as we're introduced to quite a number of new faces in this installment, including A.I.M. scientist Aldrich Killian (played excellently by Guy Pearce), Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall), who has created a new regenerative serum called "Extremis," and big baddie The Mandarin, played by the most evil actor of all time, Gandhi. Every new supporting character does a fine job with what they're given, though Kingsley's Mandarin seemed like he almost went into Ultimate Warrior territory with some of his slurring and odd behavior. There's a big twist that happens about halfway through the film that may draw the ire of the comic faithful, but I think it was forgivable given that it enhanced the strength of the film's main villain, who may arguably be the best they've had to date in the Iron Man movies.
Don't worry about the old gang either, they aren't pushed into the background in order to make room for the new kids in class. Robert Downey Jr. is, of course, excellent as always, and Stark's story of rebuilding his life and redeeming himself could very well be a mirror for his own life since taking on the role. True, that was explored in the first picture as well, but, again, without getting into spoilers, it works just as well here, and helps the character grow further, helping remind him that the smallest mistakes and amounts of ignorance can lead to the worst of scenarios. Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts just seems to get better over the course of these films, and she's certainly a focal point in this chapter (and without sounding a like a pervert, Paltrow looks pretty damn good here). Jon Favreau also returns as Stark Industries' Head of Security Happy Hogan, and even though his screen time is very small, it brings some nice comic relief to the film. As for Don Cheadle's James Rhodes, I felt like he was somewhat tacked on and didn't have nearly screen time as he could have. But then again, he had almost too much screen time in Iron Man 2, so maybe this was a fair trade.
Finally, the action sequences in Iron Man 3 are, to put it bluntly, pretty damn awesome. Shane Black is no stranger to writing well thought out and memorable action scenes (writing the scripts for Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, while also directing the latter, is proof of this), and the main ones could easily rival those seen in last summer's The Avengers. True, there are a few moments where you'll have to suspend your disbelief due to the classic "convenience" effect, but sometimes that's a given when going to the cinema. There are quite a number of moments where Tony Stark the man gets the chance to shine, proving that he isn't completely useless without his little suit(s) of armor.
While I wasn't the biggest fan of Iron Man 2, and am still nervous about the potential overexposure of the Marvel Universe in Hollywood, Shane Black's Iron Man 3 is damn near everything a moviegoer looking for honest-to-god fun could have. This is one fantastic way to kick off what is sure to be a very interesting summer.
Five friends travel to an abandoned cabin in the woods, in order to help one of them go cold turkey. Soon, they discover a strange, and seemingly evil book, the Necronomicon, and proceed to read an incantation from its pages. Almost immediately, demonic presences are awakened, and soon the inhabitants find themselves fighting for their lives (and fighting each other) in hopes that they may escape in one piece.
When the news broke that we were set to receive a reboot/remake of Sam Raimi's classic 1981 horror film Evil Dead, I cringed. While I don't wholly hate the idea of remaking films, I detest unnecessary ones. Then, when news broke that Diablo Cody, whose previous writing credits included Juno and Jennifer's Body, was set to write the script, I was convinced all hope was lost. However, there was still the light at the end of the tunnel. Sam Raimi and original star Bruce Campbell, were signed on as producers, and essentially, were told to oversee the entire project, to ensure that nothing would go awry.
I'll just come right out and say it: Evil Dead is the best horror remake I've seen since 2004's Dawn of the Dead. Hell, I think it actually surpasses that film. While it doesn't add anything to the original trilogy, you could argue that it will help more than harm its legacy. It is an overall fantastic, and above all, entertaining experience. Time is of the essence as of this review's typing, so I'll just move on to what I enjoyed about this picture.
The cast is all rather strong, with lead actress Jane Levy, playing the junkie Mia, easily stealing the show (and potentially this bearded reviewer's heart). She's able to go through nearly every emotion possible without any of them seeming weak, and pulls off being possessed better than any recent actress I've seen. I'm not sure I'd ever seen Shiloh Fernandez in anything prior to his role as David, Mia's brother, but his feelings for his sister's well being seem genuine, and he's the furthest thing from an Ash clone, whose traits seemed to be mixed in with most of the cast rather than one individual. Same with Eric, played by Lou Taylor Pucci, who must be the most durable human being on the planet. All the tossing around and pain endured by the original trilogy's performers seems to be nothing compared to what this poor bastard goes through. Come to think of it, everyone here gets a thorough beating, and they (or rather, their stuntmen/women) must be commended for it.
If you're a gorehound, there is a lot to gush over in 2013's Evil Dead, pun possibly intentional. There's a plethora of scenes that will make even the most hardened of individuals cringe, including scenes of dismemberment, tongue defilement, and many more. True, the remake's tree rape sequence doesn't seem as horrific as it did in the original, but tree rape is tree rape after all. Major props must be given to the effects crew, who decided to go with traditional effects work rather than rely on the easier, and more often despised choice, of CGI. True, there are some CGI shots peppered in here and there, but they're barely noticeable, and don't detract from the fun.
Now here's where everyone expects me to find some faults, as I can do with nearly every film (even my favorites). But, with maybe the exception of a finale that did feel obviously written by Diablo Cody, and a somewhat slow beginning act, I can't think of anything to truly dislike about this film. Hell, there's even homages to the original trilogy that don't seem forced, and it gets the vibe of the first film down fairly well.
To those who are still nervous or are forever naysayers, I say give this a chance. It won't surpass the original film by any means, but it is far from a bad movie, and one example about how to do a remake properly. I wouldn't be opposed to owning this in my DVD/Blu-Ray collection someday, and I won't hesitate to recommend this to any horror fan.
Anderson "The Spider" Silva is the most prolific middleweight champion the mixed martial arts world has ever seen. Stringing together seven consecutive title defenses, without so much as having an ounce of trouble doing it, and even going above his own weight class to dominate former champions there, he can seemingly do no wrong. After his seventh title defense is negatively received, however, he finds himself challenged by a new, brash contender named Chael Sonnen, and we bare witness to the behind the scenes footage for what turns out to be one of the most talked about matches in UFC, or MMA, history.
This documentary finally solves the question I've had for several years now: where did Chael Sonnen's infamous "He couldn't be more wrong!" mini-speech (heard regularly on Sherdog.com) come from?
That bit of silliness aside, I've been waiting for several years to catch this documentary, and I'm glad that it didn't disappoint. I've had mixed feelings myself about Silva over the years, but this does convey him as not an arrogant fighting god, but rather a humble, grateful, and strongly family-oriented human being. Silva isn't treating this fight as a joke, and even through the glimpses we catch of his bout with Demian Maia (the man he defeated by unanimous decision prior to the first Sonnen fight), we begin to understand his own comments and philosophy towards the art of fighting. There's even a segment midway through Like Water where we see Silva's own skills as a coach on hand for fellow Black House fighter Damaso "Dan Dan" Pereira.
Silva himself isn't the only one humanized in the film's seventy six minute running time (which is criminally short for such a fascinating individual), as we also see focus on Silva's longtime manager and friend Ed Soares, who himself sometimes struggles with the champ's growing frustration with what can be simply referred to as "repetitive media questions." Soares is portrayed in a more positive light than UFC President Dana White, who appears briefly to comment on the champion's history and his own occasional frustrations with him. Hell, even Chael Sonnen isn't portrayed nearly as bad as one might think.
For those who have seen the now infamous battle between Silva and Sonnen, this might disappoint you, as while it may give you chills, this isn't exactly a biographical documentary on the Brazilian. True, we learn about his life growing up briefly, and we catch glimpses of his family and social life, but the primary focus is the buildup to the fight. I personally would have liked to see some footage of Anderson's tenure in the now defunct PRIDE FC, where he had two very notable defeats that almost had him hanging up the gloves for a teaching job, or to learn what led to him leaving Chute Boxe, the legendary Brazilian camp that spawned a murderer's row of champions.
Like Water is ultimately very satisfying to watch though, even if you don't particularly care for this oftentimes brutal sport. It showcases the very real issues and discipline involved that, sadly, is still sometimes looked down upon by mainstream media. Obrigado.
As I stated a couple of posts ago, 2012 has been one heck of an interesting year. Mercifully, the rest of this year's picks, be they good and bad, can be wrapped up in this one post as opposed to several. First, I present my picks for the best and worst in mixed martial arts for 2012. If this doesn't interest you, skip down for movies and the like.
BEST CARD: UFC 144
For the first time in twelve years (not counting the "crossover" with PRIDE FC in 2003), the Ultimate Fighting Championship returned to the land of the rising sun, and in terms of entertainment, it didn't disappoint. For once, the crowd was respectful and rarely booed, most likely due to Japan's respect for the art of combat and them not being adjourned in atrocious apparel. There were plenty of memorable moments in this one, including former PRIDE stars Takanori Gomi and Mark Hunt scoring huge wins, a new lightweight champion being crowned (in a great bout too nonetheless), another highlight reel addition from Anthony Pettis via first round headkick, Quinton Jackson's slam on Ryan Bader (despite the fact that he still lost), and Tim Boetsch's come from behind victory over dominant Yushin Okami. The organization has scheduled a return to Saitama Super Arena for March, with Wanderlei Silva v. Brian Stann headlining and Diego Sanchez v. Takanori Gomi/Stefan Struve v. Mark Hunt on the undercard. I for one, can't wait, and will be requesting off of work to watch it in all its glory.
Honorable mentions: UFC on FOX 4 UFC 142 UFC on FOX 5
WORST CARD: UFC 149
Despite a rather solid undercard, the bad far outweighed the good with this one, especially when you consider what COULD have been on this card. Let me show you some of the bouts canceled due to injuries and/or schedule conflicts...
Jose Aldo/Erik Koch
Michael Bisping/Tim Boetsch
Yoshihiro Akiyama/Thiago Alves (later changed to Alves/Siyar Bahadurzada, also scrapped)
Mauricio "Shogun" Rua/Thiago Silva
Bibiano Fernandes/Roland Delorme
Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira/Cheick Kongo
While the finalized main card did have its fair share of stars among MMA die hards, it paled in comparison. So did the fights. Outside of Matthew Riddle/Chris Clements, there wasn't much to salvage from them. Hell, even the interim bantamweight title fight between Urijah Faber and Renan Barao was average at best. I'd advise staying far away, unless you need a good night's sleep. You know your event is bad when even Dana White is blasting it, comparing it to the infamous UFC 33, despite drawing a record gate.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTION:
ALL Canceled Strikeforce Cards
Easy target, I know, but jesus, did you see those things? Nobody even seemed upset when they announced that they were scrapped, and for good reason.
BEST FIGHTER: Benson Henderson
In this category, nobody else really came close. Benson hasn't lost once inside of the UFC, and only has one (admittedly) close defeat under Zuffa employ. While I'll admit that I think he lost the second bout with Frankie Edgar, his deconstruction of Nathan Diaz and the first Edgar fight helped secure him the spot this year. I look forward to seeing what new challengers await the lightweight king, be they from Strikeforce (Gilbert Melendez), the UFC (rematches with Cerrone or Pettis), or elsewhere (Eddie Alvarez). He still won't be able to elicit an "AMEN!" from me however.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Jon JonesJoe Lauzon Chris Weidman Dustin Poirier
WORST FIGHTER: Jason "Mayhem" Miller
I neglected to do this category last year, but this is a new year now, and I'll be more than happy to add this to the negative categories. It pains to start with someone I genuinely like so much though. From losing to C.B. Dollaway (REALLY?!), to his release almost immediately afterwards, to his bizarre appearance on the MMA Hour, to being arrested for breaking into a church (and being found nude no less), to starring in a movie with Kevin Fucking James, this was not a good year for Mayhem monkeys. While he himself has admitted to turning in weird performances all around this year, it still doesn't excuse the consistent crappiness that we had to bare witness to. Better luck in your future endeavors Jason.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS: Steve Cantwell (while he may have only fought once this year, he is still the first fighter to have five STRAIGHT losses inside of the cage in the organization's history) Bob Sapp (do I really need to explain this one? Go watch any fight of his from the past three years)
BEST FIGHT: Chan-Sung Jung def. Dustin Poirier (d'arce choke, Round 4)-UFC on Fuel 3
Ladies and gentlemen, a star is born. Or more born. Fuck it, proper and incorrect terminology withstanding, this was outstanding throughout every round. I only wish I hadn't been so lazy to drive to the event myself, given that it wasn't too far from where I grew up. The hype for both featherweight contenders was very much real and the tension about who would come out on top was palpable. In the end, it was the man nicknamed "The Korean Zombie" who emerged victorious after sixteen minutes of madness, and surprisingly, it was by the preferred technique of the challenger. Jung should be returning from injury very soon, and the talks of him earning a title shot against the winner or Jose Aldo/Frankie Edgar are still fresh in everyone's minds.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Joe Lauzon def. Jamie Varner (triangle choke, Round 3)-UFC on FOX 4 Jim Miller def. Joe Lauzon (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 155 Sarah Kaufman def. Alexis Davis (majority decision)-Strikeforce: Tate v. Rousey Miesha Tate def. Julie Kedzie (armbar, Round 3)-Strikeforce: Rousey v. Kaufman
Before anyone crucifies me by the way, I sadly did NOT see Erick Silva v. Jon Fitch from UFC 153, though I have heard tremendous reviews of the bout itself.
WORST FIGHT: Cheick Kongo def. Shawn Jordan (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 149
This fight was bad and you should feel bad. If you're into watching Cheick Kongo clinch for fifteen minutes and receive payback for all of the groin strikes he's dished out throughout his career, this might be for you. Otherwise, you're better off taking a shit in your hand and eating it. I despise booing in mixed martial arts settings, but every boo was completely warranted here, and I hope I never have to watch Shawn Jordan on a main card ever again.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Yushin Okami def. Alan Belcher (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 155 Ronny Markes def. Aaron Simpson (Split Decision)-UFC on Fuel 1 Gray Maynard def. Clay Guida (Split Decision)-UFC on FX 4 Bob Sapp v. the world
ROUND OF THE YEAR: Ivan Menjivar v. John Albert (UFC on Fuel 1)
While I admit that the headline fight of Diego Sanchez v. Jake Ellenberger was a damn good fight in its own right, this bantamweight scrap stole the show for me, and showed why more often than not, the smaller fighters put on the most entertaining affairs. Within these three minutes and forty six seconds, we witnessed everything that makes for a memorable war: submission attempts, solid exchanges on the feet, and a good old fashioned comeback victory. Watch this while youtube still has it up, I implore you.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Donald Cerrone v. Melvin Guillard (Round 1)-UFC 150 Eddie Alvarez v. Patricky Freire (Round 1)-Bellator 76
BEST KNOCKOUT: Edson Barboza def. Terry Etim (Spinning Wheel Kick, Round 3)- UFC 142
The first spinning wheel kick knockout in UFC history, with Etim's body going stiff serving as the sprinkles on top of the cupcake. I'd spend more time talking about this one, but just watch it for yourself.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Nick Denis def. Joseph Sandoval (Elbows, Round 1)-UFC on FX 1 (HELLBOWS REIGN SUPREME) Siyar Bahadurzada def. Paulo Thiago (Punch, Round 1)-UFC on Fuel 2 (there's a reason his nickname is "The Killer") Andrew Craig def. Rafael Natal (head kick, Round 2)-UFC on Fuel 4 (a come from behind kick of death) Ryan Jimmo def. Anthony Perosh (Punch, Round 1)-UFC 149 (one of the five fastest knockouts in UFC history) Lyoto Machida def. Ryan Bader (punch, Round 2)-UFC on FOX 4 (only made better by Lyoto's bowing over Bader's body) Cung Le def. Rich Franklin (Punch, Round 1)-UFC on Fuel 6 (painful for the older fans to watch, but incredible for highlight reel fans) Nate Marquardt def. Tyron Woodley (punches, Round 4)-Strikeforce: Rockhold v. Kennedy (because walkoff KOs are always worth mentioning)
BEST SUBMISSION: Demian Maia def. Rick Story (neck crank, Round 1)-UFC 153
I'm going to let a bit of my fanboy slip out here, but this one made me personally happy, as I think Story and his camp are comprised of meatheads and bullies, and I'm a big Demian Maia fan. It took the BJJ wizard only two and a half minutes to lock on a nasty neck crank from behind, causing enough pressure to make Story's nose drip blood. It seemed as if life itself was being squeezed from the former top 10 welterweight, and it helped Maia earn his first submission win since 2009. Beautiful in its brutality.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Charles Oliveira def. Eric Wisely (Calf Slicer)- UFC on FOX 2 Dustin Poirier def. Max Holloway (mounted triangle armbar, Round 1)-UFC 143 Matt Wiman def. Paul Sass (armbar, Round 1)-UFC on FUEL 5 Rani Yahya def. Josh Grispi (north-south choke, Round 1)-UFC on FOX 4 Vinny Magalhaes def. Igor Pokrajac (armbar, Round 2)-UFC 152
BIGGEST ROBBERY: UFC 151: The Card That Never Was
True, the card wasn't likely to draw record numbers, and featured a myriad of fights that were probably best left on undercards of free television events, but this still sits with me as the biggest middle finger of the year. Jones/Henderson was a captivating bout on paper, and would've been the true definition of old lion vs new breed. Instead, the younger fighter and champion refuses to take a short notice fight against late replacement Chael Sonnen (a blown up middleweight) and effectively, helps get the card canceled. While I don't place all of the blame on Jones and his camp, and I'm somewhat intrigued by the upcoming Jones/Sonnen season of The Ultimate Fighter, it was still a disappointment to hear that the card had been scrapped.
That does it for the MMA portion of 2012. Now, we move on to movies, movies, and movies. Unfortunately, there were a good portion of films that I missed in 2012, so this list might not be full of future oscar winners. Naturally, I don't give a shit, as these are just the five films I enjoyed the most this year, and five that I wish I had never even batted an eye towards.
An honorable mention must be given to The Raid: Redemption, an absolutely insane martial arts film that deserved all of the praise it received from fans, and featured the best fight sequences I've seen since Kung Fu Hustle from 2004. Had the story not been so basic, I think it might have made the list, but it is my only complaint about this otherwise immensely entertaining picture. I ask you to count how many times you exclaim "Fuck!" or "Oof!" during its running time.
5. Chronicle
Debuting director Josh Trank knocked it out of the park with the closest thing we're going to get to a live-action Akira, the severely underrated Chronicle, a unique take on what happens when three friends gain telekinetic abilities. The concluding twenty minutes alone deserve a spot on this countdown, and should make most big name "action" directors take note on how to do a finale properly.
4. Last Days Here
I'm very picky with my documentaries these days. While you can admit that this is favoritism at its worst here, it doesn't change the fact that this was often times tough to get through, but with such a satisfying reward. This chronicles the long time drug use and general "fuckups" of Pentagram frontman Bobby Liebling, and his several attempts to get clean and sober. Pentagram are widely looked at as one of the most overlooked bands in the metal field (despite their influence on doom metal bands far and wide), and hopefully this story of a phoenix rising from the ashes will be help them get the attention they deserve.
3. Looper
I regret not seeing this in theaters, though admittedly the experience and chance to pay attention to the story may have been tampered by the predictable cliches of theater crowds (audible, confused old folks, noisy teens, etc.). I'm also shocked at how much I've been enjoying as many time travel films as I have within these past few years. Joseph Gordon-Levitt continues to prove that he's no longer the little kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun by giving a hell of a performance, and Bruce Willis' tragic figure/alternate version of JGL's character is so interesting, that he almost makes up for the atrocities of Cop Out. Almost.
2. The Avengers/The Cabin in the Woods
Cheating? Damn right I am. In the world of pop culture, this was the year for Joss Whedon. Admittedly, I'm not a complete Whedon devotee (the script for Alien Ressurrection...*shudder*), but you can't deny that these were bonafide hits, and pretty darn awesome all around. What needs to be said about The Avengers that hasn't been said by nearly every person on the planet? It might just be the best superhero film ever created, at least in the Marvel universe. As for The Cabin in the Woods, I'm been saying to those who were skeptical about giving this viewing: it isn't what you will expect it to be, and that is the film's greatest strength. The horror genre needed something like this to be released in America, as we're still being plagued by unnecessary remakes and shameful sequels. Thankfully, this was a treat for us longtime horror fanatics, and I couldn't have had more fun.
1. Django Unchained
Remember this line from Inglourious Basterds?
Well, I have a bone to pick with the man. As good as that film was, I believe this is closer to a masterpiece for Mr. Tarantino. It might be too difficult trying to pick out the best performance in Django Unchained, as everyone is at the top of their game here. Jamie Foxx and Samuel L. Jackson give their best performances in ages, Leonardo DiCaprio is shockingly slimy, and Christoph Waltz proves that he needs to work with QT as much as humanly possible. The action is bloody and over-the-top, the dialogue very memorable (and a lot funnier than expected), and on the whole, very fun. Those who are sensitive to the subject of the film might find it a bit easier to swallow, but I think you'll be missing out. As someone who doesn't purchase many home releases anymore, this will be one I'll be happy to add to my collection as soon as humanly possible.
To quote one Bloodstain Lane, banana splits for the films mentioned above, and banana clips for the five films below that boiled my blood or just plain sucked.
5. American Reunion
This was like being excited to travel to your high school reunion, only to discover that all of the best friends you thought you had are actually schmucks, everyone acts the exact same, and are nowhere near as funny as you remembered them being. That, or maybe this just wasn't that funny. Either works fine.
4. Piranha 3DD
In this bearded weirdo's opinion, John Gulager struck gold once with the original Feast and has yet to make anything to could surpass, or even equal it. This sequel to the surprisingly fun remake from 2010 was so tepid and flat, you'd think it went straight to video. And no, I don't believe a screening in 3D will help me change my mind, as you can't polish a turd.
3. Jersey Shore Shark Attack
The film that damn near all of my friends weren't able to finish, and I'm shocked that I was able to do myself. This could have come in at number one, but it wasn't released theatrically, so I'm giving it a break (which will be the only time this film will ever get one). If you're curious about why I hated this as much as I did, click here.
2. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Please keep Nicholas Cage away from all comic book-related properties. Hell, keep him from even purchasing the books. This was just plain bad, and for that matter, it was rated PG-13. Mind you, I'm not opposed to PG-13 action films at all, but when you manage to wrangle up the directors behind the Crank films and have David S. Goyer (Dark City, the Nolan Batman trilogy) co-write the screenplay, I expect something resembling a watchable product. Needless to say, we didn't get that. Here's hoping Johnny Blaze stays far away from the big screen for a very long time.
1. The Devil Inside
So, here I am in January 2013 reminding myself of a film released nearly one year ago. I try to convince myself that this wasn't the most infuriating horror film I've watched since The Village, and that by avoiding projects like Rock of Ages, Gone, Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, Joyful Noise, and the latest installment in the Twilight saga, I haven't truly witnessed the "worst of the worst." You're probably right. That being said, this movie still fucking sucks. Essentially an advertisement rather than a real horror film, this got worse the more I thought about it. If you care to revisit my original angry rant/review, go right ahead. But please, don't give this movie your precious time. Invest it with superior projects like The Cabin in the Woods or The Loved Ones instead.
And that does it for the rest of the best and the...what rhymes with worst? Whatever the case, I'll try to update this blog a little more often this year in between work and school, and might even start doing vlogs if I feel compelled to.
Ah, so here we are again. Though I realize making my entire top 20 list as one post would've been much easier to do, I figured I'd drag it out just a tad bit more. Well, that and I needed to sleep before heading to work.
So, with little fanfare, here are numbers 1-10 of my favorite 20 albums released in 2012.
10. Napalm Death-Utilitarian
If you'd have told me Napalm Death were going to take some of the biggest risks this year in the extreme music community, I'd have asked you to supply me with some of the drugs you were taking. Shockingly, these risks, which range from a saxophone solo (hi there guest cameo from John Zorn!), to guitarist Mitch Harris singing cleanly, work incredibly well for the godfathers of grindcore. And for those of you who are uncomfortable with experimentation, don't worry, there are still plenty of righteous blasts of hostility to be found. True, ND have been on a good tear for the past ten or so years, but this one will probably warrant the most repeats (next to Enemy of the Music Business at least) in their recent catalog. Diversity is your best friend sometimes.
9. Early Graves-Red Horse
Two years after losing frontman Makh Daniels in a horrible van accident, this promising dark hardcore/crust band return with an effort that was as punishing as it was inspiring. New vocalist John Strachan (also of The Funeral Pyre) seems like a natural fit, his Gothenburg-style yells adding a very strong Disfear vibe (and the Tragedy influence is even stronger than before) to a band that I'm sure some were uncertain were ever going to return after their excellent 2010 effort Goner. Well, they're still going strong, and in my opinion, this is even better than that record. To quote one Joey Diaz, "TREMENDOUS!"
8. Witchcraft-Legend
I've slept on this band for way too long, and it figures that my first real exposure to them is when they have a mostly new lineup. Shame, since this is some absolutely beautiful heavy metal. In my book, Magnus Pelander and Mlny Parsonz (Royal Thunder) were neck and neck for vocal performance of the year, and despite the album positioning on this list, I'm not quite sure who won out in the end. I get the feeling that this will be a grower, and over time, could potentially sneak into my top five. If you still haven't listened to these Swedes, and count yourself as an old school metal/doom/stoner/hard rock fan, I implore you to find this album however you can, and give it a spin.
7. Gaza-No Absolutes in Human Suffering
Ouch. This album wants to hurt you. Badly. Not like in that pseudo-hardcore tough guy way, but in that "tear your hair out and pummel you to death with a microphone" kind of way. I've always liked this band, but something always prevented me from loving them. Their BotchalesceVerge sound (I will NEVER used that term again) has been perfected on this full-length however, so watch out. This is some of the most chaotic music I've heard in a long time, making you feel like you had been crushed by a bulldozer. Mathcore fanatics and fans of "violent" music in general will be drawn to this like a moth to flames.
6. High on Fire-De Vermis Mysteriis
I'm going to make a ballsy claim here: this will be the last truly great HOF album. Matt Pike checking into rehab earlier this year didn't particularly surprise me, but you know the old saying of "No Drugs, No Soul?" Well, this has TONS of soul, some of the best riffs I've heard from the (now) legendary guitarist, and it feels pretty drenched in drug use. Easily the best thing in this band's catalog since Blessed Black Wings, though let's hope their next effort doesn't turn into the band's equivalent of St. Anger. For now though, let us bask in its sheer power and magnitude.
5. Royal Thunder-CVI
The moment I heard about this GA stoner rock/doom metal band signing to Relapse Records, I knew their full length debut would be a monster. True, some songs on this can drag a bit, but Mlny Parsonz's vocals are enough to keep the listener's attention throughout any potential mediocrity (which there really isn't any). With fantastic chemistry between rhythm section and guitarists abound, and the aforementioned amazing performance from Ms. Parsonz, this bluesy and doom-soaked debut was well worth the wait. All I can hope is that they don't become too big to forget that they still owe us another show!
4. The Devil's Blood-The Thousandfold Epicentre
Okay, technically I'm cheating by putting this one on my list, given that it saw release in Europe back in November 2011, but we didn't see an official release in the U.S. until January. So nyah nyah. My childish insult aside, they were one of the standouts this year at Maryland Death Fest, and this is damn good psychedelic rock/metal from the Netherlands, with soaring vocals, a great use of the hammond organ, and a lyric sheet that makes the listener feel like they've been dropped off in a mid-70s drugged-out satanic ritual. Speaking of Maryland Death Fest, I just remembered that I neglected to type a proper review on here, so here's a quick recap: Everyone but Anvil, Die Pigeon Die, and Needful Things were good, and the latter were more disappointing than bad.
3. Pig Destroyer-Book Burner
I was scared that the sheer amount of dicksucking that this album was receiving would ruin it for me, but I'll admit: it may be warranted. It has been way too damn long since the D.C. masters of grind released a new album, but this was definitely worth waiting five years. The production might throw fans off, but Scott Hull's riffs slay and J.R. Hayes still sounds like a man possessed. This album is also more noticeably groovy than past efforts, but it works in its favor, especially on "Iron Drunk" and "The Diplomat." Guest vocals by Kat Katz (AnB/Salome) and Jason Netherton (Misery Index) only add to the intensity, and "The Bug," which features one of two collaborations between Hayes and Katz, might be my favorite song of the year. I'm expecting their set at 2013's Maryland Death Fest to be pure insanity.
2. Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind
I've never been shy about my love for Converge, and I'm probably one of the few who prefers their newer material (Jane Doe and onward) to their older material. Whereas 2009's Axe to Fall was a family affair stuffed with guest appearances galore, Converge is back to doing their thing as four piece on this album with no appearances but their own. Jake's vocals are torturous and pained like usual, and his skills as a songwriter have certainly not diminished, but to me the stars of this one are his bandmates. I've always thought that as musicians, Converge was severely overlooked. Kurt Ballou can riff with the best of them, Nate Newton's vocals and bass lines are growing in size, and Ben Koeller can beat his drums better than most in his field (opener "Aimless Arrow" and the title track are proof). The kings of metallic hardcore continue to reign supreme.
1. Christian Mistress-Possession
Unbelievable. Just when I think Relapse has dropped the ball with signing newer acts, this proves me wrong. No disrespect to the purveyors of the "retro metal" revival that seems to be the thing nowadays, but I prefer to see my favorite music genre go forward rather than take two steps backward. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy some of the albums though, and god DAMN did I love this one. Incredible guitar melodies that could compete with the best of early Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, soulful and sultry vocals that resemble if Grace Slick listened to a lot of Black Sabbath, and a very solid production that mixed just the right amount of modern with "old school," I'll be shocked if this band doesn't blow up within the next few years, or at least doesn't garner a slightly bigger following. The only thing I can ask now is COME TO THE EAST COAST!
And there you go, my top twenty albums list is complete. But you might be asking "Ryan, why title this 'best of tunes, worst of tunes' without a bottom 20?" Well, not to sound egotistical, but I avoided most of the albums this year that I knew would disappoint me.
But there were two albums that stuck with me the same way shit sticks to your shoes...
Dead Icons-Condemned
Remember my unpopular opinion on hardcore being mostly stale now? This is the epitome of it. I was struggling to say anything worth note, be it slightly positive or overwhelmingly negative, about this album. At the end of the day, however, I found it to be completely unmemorable and forgettable, which sometimes is the worst crime of all. I'm sure they're all nice guys, but this just didn't do a thing for me.
Lamb of God-Resolution
I feel bad bashing this because of the band's recent troubles involving Randy Blythe's manslaughter case, and I also avoided the new releases that nearly everyone has on their "worst of" lists (Muse, Bad Brains), but good fuckity god did this suck. The opening song "Straight For the Sun" is passable (mostly due to LoG going sludge on it), but it was a downward spiral after those two and half minutes were over. There is no life and variety to be found on this release, and LoG have pretty much confirmed their decision to take the Slayer route by deciding not to stray too far from the sound that helped secure them gold records. If you're okay with that, then you might not despise this album nearly as much as I did. For me though, I'm still yearning for something to match As The Palaces Burn. I'll probably have to keep waiting though.
NOW you have it. The best (and worst) of 2012's music, as chosen by this bearded weirdo.
As with last year, here are some other top lists from fellow music fans, a.k.a. friends and acquaintances.
Kris Hargitt 1. Torche-Harmonicraft 2. Gaza-No Absolutes In Human Suffering 3. The Rival Mob-Mob Justice 4. Power Trip-7" 5. Converge-All We Loves We Leave Behind 6. Rise and Fall-Faith 7. Burning Love-Rotten Thing to Say Lew Cabral 1. Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind 2. Every Time I Die-Ex Lives 3. Grizzly Bear-Shields 4. Pig Destroyer-Book Burner 5. Gojira-L'Enfant Sauvage
Ben Johnson
Cattle Decapitation-Monolith of Inhumanity
Pig Destroyer-Book Burner
Christopher Millard (Children of the Reptile)
The Sword-Apocrypon
Dragonforce-The Power Within
Justin Palughi
Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind
Between the Buried and Me-The Parallax II: Future Sequence
Come back tomorrow for another best of/worst of list featuring movies, MMA, and all other sorts of things!
