Unseen Terror 2016: Day 18

Paleontologist Kate Lloyd is contacted by one Dr. Sander Halvorson, who requests that she join him and his assistant in examining something unusual that has been unearthed by a Norwegian research crew in the coldest reaches of Antarctica. Though initially reluctant, she does agree to join, and upon arrival, finds out that the magnitude of this discovery was certainly not exaggerated: the collective has stumbled upon a space ship buried underneath the ground. Stranger yet, the group reveals the remains of what appears to be an extraterrestrial that is frozen in a block of ice. Taking the still-encased body back to the base for studying, it isn't long before they are made aware of the creature's vital signs still being active, as it breaks free and begins slaughtering anything it comes into contact with. Even worse is the fact that it seems to be more than capable of assimilating and impersonating living, breathing material. The remaining members start to contemplate about who is still real, and who is secretly sporting terrifying, inhuman features.

Well, it is time for me to say something that will undoubtedly ruffle a few feathers: 2011's The Thing, a prequel to John Carpenter's 1982 remake of The Thing from Another World, which can be categorized as yet another adaptation of the influential story known as "Who Goes There?," is not that bad of a movie.

Phew. Now that I have gotten that off of my chest, let's get to the actual review, shall we?

When news first broke of an update related to the aforementioned John Carpenter classic coming to theaters, the internet was ready to unleash the purest form of hell upon those dared to touch such a sacred, beloved treasure. Heck, I will admit that I was one of them myself, as that movie holds a special place in my heart, and I would even be willing to go so far as to say that it is firmly in the personal list of my ten favorite horror flicks of all time. The question that remained on everyone's mind (other than "WHYYY?!") was whether this particular release will serve as a precursor to that picture or would be yet another reinterpretation. As it turns out, The Thing is a mixture of about ninety percent of the former, and ten percent of the latter. It sets out to expand the mythos and specialties of the alien creature itself, but isn't above throwing in some homages to its forefather. Do all of these revelations and facts come together to make a perfect film? Well, it's certainly far from achieving such a feat, but it isn't without some positives to talk about.

Cast-wise, there are some very commendable leads that were chosen to take part in this. I don't think that a day will come when I don't sing the praises of the ever-so-talented Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, 10 Cloverfield Lane), and though her character Kate lacks the bravado or general coolness of Kurt Russell's protagonist from thirty years before, she does do a commendable job with the role and seems genuinely invested in this project. Joel Edgerton (Warrior, Zero Dark Thirty) isn't too bad either, though you do wish that he received more screen time when the moment arrives for the whole shebang to wrap up. Sadly, the rest of the list of performers feels very interchangeable and readily available to swap out with one another. Kudos goes to making the wise choice to cast actual Norwegian or Scandinavian actors in these supporting roles (and for having most of them speak their native tongue without the addition of subtitles), but the fact that many are given such a small amount of dialogue or moments to establish a distinguishable personality does make for a disappointment, and gives off the impression that most of these guys are just to be meat for the beast.

One aspect of The Thing that caught my attention during its shooting process was the revelation of practical effects serving as the primary means of scaring the audience. If you have never seen John Carpenter's 1982 vision (and if you haven't, go buy the bloody thing already), some of its most memorable highlights come from the absolutely nightmarish designs of the monster and subsequent effects surrounded or caused by it. Most, if not all of these creations can be attributed to the extremely talented Rob Bottin, who though retired, leaves behind an incredible legacy in the realm of science fiction and horror. Even in an age where computer-generated material seems to be the norm for studios to settle with, those works still hold up tremendously well and can cause your stomach to twist into a knot under the right circumstances. Much to my shock and utter sadness, the efforts put in by his replacements (Alec Gillis and Tom Woodruff Jr. of Amalgamated Dynamics) are completely covered over and replaced by an ugly coat of CGI paint. From what I have gathered and heard, the studio felt that these transformations did not look frightening or convincing enough to scare audiences, even though I would strongly argue that the physical presence of animatronics and practical effects usually garners better performances and spirit from the cast and crew in the long run. The picture is brought down so darn much by this idiotic move, as no matter how creative the actual conceptions may look to viewers, they come across as extremely fake, cheap, and ridiculous when handled in this manner. It strikes me as no surprise that this sort of tampering was what ultimately made those in the technical department move towards spearheading and completing a film that was more akin to what they had in mind for entertaining the fans.

There are other tinier aspects to note about The Thing that keep one's interest from completely waning. As previously mentioned, there are some nice nods that pop up towards the middle and later portions of the flick, such as the idea of gathering the group together so that they may take a blood test in order to discover who is human and who isn't. Interestingly enough, they also bring up the revelation that this entity can not assimilate or imitate inorganic material, so they ask to check the fillings inside of people's mouths. The paranoia factor can still be felt throughout, but cutting the tension with a knife isn't as easy to do this time around as one hoped it would be. There are also several scenes which involve the exploration and examination of its space craft, though I do believe that giving away too much of its interior layout or schematics spoils the mystique of the terrifying antagonist. Lastly, it does pack a rather fitting soundtrack that features portions of a score which would make original composter Ennio Morricone proud (courtesy of Scream and Hellboy veteran Marco Beltrami). It's a nice bonus to hear snippets of THIS track appear towards the beginning and end as well. Still, it does feel like it borders on pandering, and some will just end up wanting to re-watch the 1982 story instead.

If you go into 2011's The Thing with an open mind, and are willing to just judge it on its own with zero bias or expectations, the whole picture is nowhere near as terrible as your more hardcore friends made it out to be. Unfortunately, it is still seriously flawed and morphs into more of a standard monster movie during its final third, though as stated above, I would attribute most of those problems and creative differences to studio interference and a lack of understanding of what made the 1980s version so respected and revered. As it stands, it might anger some to even admit that this film exists, but it doesn't really do much to help or harm Carpenter's iteration. It's perfectly fine and is just kind of.....there. So, perhaps it is time to calm down and maybe, JUST MAYBE, give it a try if you are even mildly curious or willing to let your guard down for two hours. Much like its thirty-year-old predecessor (well, technically sequel?), this is readily available to purchase on DVD and Blu-Ray in most establishments that carry such things.

And hey, even if you end up thoroughly despising it, know that it is FAR from the worst movie that handled a project originally concocted and helmed by Mr. Carpenter himself. That distinct dishonor belongs to THIS steaming pile of garbage.

Tomorrow, it's time to head back to the 1980s! Seeing as how I haven't eaten much today myself, I sure could go for something fried. Maybe even some fritters.....

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 15

The townsfolk of Antonio Island, Oregon are on the verge of unveiling a set of new town statues, honoring the men who helped found their town in 1871. One of the gentlemen's descendants, fishing vessel owner Nick Castle, has recently welcomed back his girlfriend Elizabeth to the island after a six month absence. Everything seems fine at first, until a series of bizarre incidents start to occur, including a series of gruesome murders. Coupled with these is the presence of a mysterious, eerie fog. After discovering an old journal, Elizabeth begins to connect the events together, realizing that perhaps the Island's own forefathers may have returned, seeking vengeance for then-unknown reasons.

By the year 2005, horror icon John Carpenter had taken a small hiatus from filmmaking after his 2001 Science Fiction picture Ghosts of Mars bombed critically and financially. Though the man was not exactly done with involvement in the film industry, sticking with producing and/or writing credits on the likes of Halloween: Resurrection and a sequel to 1998's Vampires, the middle of the decade saw Carpenter-approved remakes of two of his lesser-known projects: The Fog and Assault of Precinct 13. Though the original 1980 version of the former had its fair share of fans, and is widely considered to be an overlooked movie in his own catalogue, the director was always vocally critical of the final product. So, in somewhat of a surprise, Carpenter and original Fog co-writer Debra Hill attached themselves to this re-imagining by overseeing, co-writing, and producing the whole ordeal while letting Stigmata main man Rupert Wainwright supervise and take a seat in the director's chair.

I'll be the first to admit that I don't think that the original version of The Fog is a masterpiece whatsoever, but it is pretty darn good considering that it was the man's project that followed up his masterpiece Halloween. So I hit play on this, skeptical beyond belief, but like most remakes I see these days, somewhat willing to give it a chance.

Three minutes in, a Fall Out Boy song begins to play and we get two young men with "cool" and "fresh" dialogue.

Jesus jumped up christ, if this is what John Carpenter had originally envisioned and felt was ultimately what he wanted out of his original product, then that is the scariest part of all and makes me question his level of sanity. Speaking of Fall Out Boy, the soundtrack to 2005's version of The Fog, which also consists of artists like Petey Pablo and OK Go (yeah, those will sure help set a mood and build tension), along with hit-or-miss composer Graeme Revell, is the least of this flick's problems. For starters, there's the cast. At the risk of angering some of my friends, Maggie Grace just isn't a good substitute for Jamie Lee Curtis. In fact, she's just downright awful in most pictures that she's attached to, and certainly not powerful or skilled enough to carry anything of this caliber. Smallville alumni Tom Welling is absolutely wasted too, and is clearly there to collect a paycheck during his downtime of portraying Superman on the WB. The recasting that I was most optimistic for was Selma Blair, taking over the role of Adrienne Barbeau's disc jockey from the original. She does a somewhat okay job with what she has to work with, but portrays the role of Stevie with too much dryness for the most part, and doesn't carry the same weight or distinctive voice that the former 1980s sex symbol possessed. After the cast, another problem is the pacing and just plain inactiveness of Hill, Carpenter, and relative unknown Cooper Layne's (whose only other screenwriting is noted dud The Core) new screenplay. Though they're trying to flesh out the story more as opposed to the original, they forget to pack in the scares, so we're left to rely upon cheap jump scare after cheap jump scare. Again, this fails to help set a spooky tone, resulting in a motion picture that feels more like a cure for insomnia or a modern throwaway theatrical release rather than an effective, chilling ghost story. Basically, it's incredibly, agonizingly boring.

There is absolutely nothing worth praising or recommending here. Not even a brief scene of Selma Blair in her panties cleaning a brush in the sink. This is the absolute definition of a colossal misfire, and all too deserving of the 4% that it currently holds on pages such as Rottentomatoes.com (and it sits in the bottom one hundred on that website). I counted a whopping six times that I was ever so close to stopping this and just deciding to skip ahead to tomorrow's pick instead. Don't waste your time, don't even bat an eye at it, and just forget that it exists.

No, seriously, don't bother. It even doesn't deserve a clever outro.

Tomorrow, the director of Versus and Godzilla: Final Wars attempts to lift my spirits with The Midnight Meat Train!

Evil Dead (2013) Review

Five friends travel to an abandoned cabin in the woods, in order to help one of them go cold turkey. Soon, they discover a strange, and seemingly evil book, the Necronomicon, and proceed to read an incantation from its pages. Almost immediately, demonic presences are awakened, and soon the inhabitants find themselves fighting for their lives (and fighting each other) in hopes that they may escape in one piece.

When the news broke that we were set to receive a reboot/remake of Sam Raimi's classic 1981 horror film Evil Dead, I cringed. While I don't wholly hate the idea of remaking films, I detest unnecessary ones. Then, when news broke that Diablo Cody, whose previous writing credits included Juno and Jennifer's Body, was set to write the script, I was convinced all hope was lost. However, there was still the light at the end of the tunnel. Sam Raimi and original star Bruce Campbell, were signed on as producers, and essentially, were told to oversee the entire project, to ensure that nothing would go awry.

I'll just come right out and say it: Evil Dead is the best horror remake I've seen since 2004's Dawn of the Dead. Hell, I think it actually surpasses that film. While it doesn't add anything to the original trilogy, you could argue that it will help more than harm its legacy. It is an overall fantastic, and above all, entertaining experience. Time is of the essence as of this review's typing, so I'll just move on to what I enjoyed about this picture.

The cast is all rather strong, with lead actress Jane Levy, playing the junkie Mia, easily stealing the show (and potentially this bearded reviewer's heart). She's able to go through nearly every emotion possible without any of them seeming weak, and pulls off being possessed better than any recent actress I've seen. I'm not sure I'd ever seen Shiloh Fernandez in anything prior to his role as David, Mia's brother, but his feelings for his sister's well being seem genuine, and he's the furthest thing from an Ash clone, whose traits seemed to be mixed in with most of the cast rather than one individual. Same with Eric, played by Lou Taylor Pucci, who must be the most durable human being on the planet. All the tossing around and pain endured by the original trilogy's performers seems to be nothing compared to what this poor bastard goes through. Come to think of it, everyone here gets a thorough beating, and they (or rather, their stuntmen/women) must be commended for it.

If you're a gorehound, there is a lot to gush over in 2013's Evil Dead, pun possibly intentional. There's a plethora of scenes that will make even the most hardened of individuals cringe, including scenes of dismemberment, tongue defilement, and many more. True, the remake's tree rape sequence doesn't seem as horrific as it did in the original, but tree rape is tree rape after all. Major props must be given to the effects crew, who decided to go with traditional effects work rather than rely on the easier, and more often despised choice, of CGI. True, there are some CGI shots peppered in here and there, but they're barely noticeable, and don't detract from the fun.

Now here's where everyone expects me to find some faults, as I can do with nearly every film (even my favorites). But, with maybe the exception of a finale that did feel obviously written by Diablo Cody, and a somewhat slow beginning act, I can't think of anything to truly dislike about this film. Hell, there's even homages to the original trilogy that don't seem forced, and it gets the vibe of the first film down fairly well.

To those who are still nervous or are forever naysayers, I say give this a chance. It won't surpass the original film by any means, but it is far from a bad movie, and one example about how to do a remake properly. I wouldn't be opposed to owning this in my DVD/Blu-Ray collection someday, and I won't hesitate to recommend this to any horror fan.