BEST CARD: UFC 144
For the first time in twelve years (not counting the "crossover" with PRIDE FC in 2003), the Ultimate Fighting Championship returned to the land of the rising sun, and in terms of entertainment, it didn't disappoint. For once, the crowd was respectful and rarely booed, most likely due to Japan's respect for the art of combat and them not being adjourned in atrocious apparel. There were plenty of memorable moments in this one, including former PRIDE stars Takanori Gomi and Mark Hunt scoring huge wins, a new lightweight champion being crowned (in a great bout too nonetheless), another highlight reel addition from Anthony Pettis via first round headkick, Quinton Jackson's slam on Ryan Bader (despite the fact that he still lost), and Tim Boetsch's come from behind victory over dominant Yushin Okami. The organization has scheduled a return to Saitama Super Arena for March, with Wanderlei Silva v. Brian Stann headlining and Diego Sanchez v. Takanori Gomi/Stefan Struve v. Mark Hunt on the undercard. I for one, can't wait, and will be requesting off of work to watch it in all its glory.
Honorable mentions:
UFC on FOX 4
UFC 142
UFC on FOX 5
WORST CARD: UFC 149
Despite a rather solid undercard, the bad far outweighed the good with this one, especially when you consider what COULD have been on this card. Let me show you some of the bouts canceled due to injuries and/or schedule conflicts...
Jose Aldo/Erik Koch
Michael Bisping/Tim Boetsch
Yoshihiro Akiyama/Thiago Alves (later changed to Alves/Siyar Bahadurzada, also scrapped)
Mauricio "Shogun" Rua/Thiago Silva
Bibiano Fernandes/Roland Delorme
Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira/Cheick Kongo
While the finalized main card did have its fair share of stars among MMA die hards, it paled in comparison. So did the fights. Outside of Matthew Riddle/Chris Clements, there wasn't much to salvage from them. Hell, even the interim bantamweight title fight between Urijah Faber and Renan Barao was average at best. I'd advise staying far away, unless you need a good night's sleep. You know your event is bad when even Dana White is blasting it, comparing it to the infamous UFC 33, despite drawing a record gate.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTION:
ALL Canceled Strikeforce Cards
Easy target, I know, but jesus, did you see those things? Nobody even seemed upset when they announced that they were scrapped, and for good reason.
BEST FIGHTER: Benson Henderson
In this category, nobody else really came close. Benson hasn't lost once inside of the UFC, and only has one (admittedly) close defeat under Zuffa employ. While I'll admit that I think he lost the second bout with Frankie Edgar, his deconstruction of Nathan Diaz and the first Edgar fight helped secure him the spot this year. I look forward to seeing what new challengers await the lightweight king, be they from Strikeforce (Gilbert Melendez), the UFC (rematches with Cerrone or Pettis), or elsewhere (Eddie Alvarez). He still won't be able to elicit an "AMEN!" from me however.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Jon Jones Joe Lauzon
Chris Weidman
Dustin Poirier
WORST FIGHTER: Jason "Mayhem" Miller
I neglected to do this category last year, but this is a new year now, and I'll be more than happy to add this to the negative categories. It pains to start with someone I genuinely like so much though. From losing to C.B. Dollaway (REALLY?!), to his release almost immediately afterwards, to his bizarre appearance on the MMA Hour, to being arrested for breaking into a church (and being found nude no less), to starring in a movie with Kevin Fucking James, this was not a good year for Mayhem monkeys. While he himself has admitted to turning in weird performances all around this year, it still doesn't excuse the consistent crappiness that we had to bare witness to. Better luck in your future endeavors Jason.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Steve Cantwell (while he may have only fought once this year, he is still the first fighter to have five STRAIGHT losses inside of the cage in the organization's history)
Bob Sapp (do I really need to explain this one? Go watch any fight of his from the past three years)
BEST FIGHT: Chan-Sung Jung def. Dustin Poirier (d'arce choke, Round 4)-UFC on Fuel 3
Ladies and gentlemen, a star is born. Or more born. Fuck it, proper and incorrect terminology withstanding, this was outstanding throughout every round. I only wish I hadn't been so lazy to drive to the event myself, given that it wasn't too far from where I grew up. The hype for both featherweight contenders was very much real and the tension about who would come out on top was palpable. In the end, it was the man nicknamed "The Korean Zombie" who emerged victorious after sixteen minutes of madness, and surprisingly, it was by the preferred technique of the challenger. Jung should be returning from injury very soon, and the talks of him earning a title shot against the winner or Jose Aldo/Frankie Edgar are still fresh in everyone's minds.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Joe Lauzon def. Jamie Varner (triangle choke, Round 3)-UFC on FOX 4
Jim Miller def. Joe Lauzon (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 155
Sarah Kaufman def. Alexis Davis (majority decision)-Strikeforce: Tate v. Rousey
Miesha Tate def. Julie Kedzie (armbar, Round 3)-Strikeforce: Rousey v. Kaufman
Before anyone crucifies me by the way, I sadly did NOT see Erick Silva v. Jon Fitch from UFC 153, though I have heard tremendous reviews of the bout itself.
WORST FIGHT: Cheick Kongo def. Shawn Jordan (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 149
This fight was bad and you should feel bad. If you're into watching Cheick Kongo clinch for fifteen minutes and receive payback for all of the groin strikes he's dished out throughout his career, this might be for you. Otherwise, you're better off taking a shit in your hand and eating it. I despise booing in mixed martial arts settings, but every boo was completely warranted here, and I hope I never have to watch Shawn Jordan on a main card ever again.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Yushin Okami def. Alan Belcher (Unanimous Decision)-UFC 155
Ronny Markes def. Aaron Simpson (Split Decision)-UFC on Fuel 1
Gray Maynard def. Clay Guida (Split Decision)-UFC on FX 4
Bob Sapp v. the world
ROUND OF THE YEAR: Ivan Menjivar v. John Albert (UFC on Fuel 1)
While I admit that the headline fight of Diego Sanchez v. Jake Ellenberger was a damn good fight in its own right, this bantamweight scrap stole the show for me, and showed why more often than not, the smaller fighters put on the most entertaining affairs. Within these three minutes and forty six seconds, we witnessed everything that makes for a memorable war: submission attempts, solid exchanges on the feet, and a good old fashioned comeback victory. Watch this while youtube still has it up, I implore you.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Donald Cerrone v. Melvin Guillard (Round 1)-UFC 150
Eddie Alvarez v. Patricky Freire (Round 1)-Bellator 76
BEST KNOCKOUT: Edson Barboza def. Terry Etim (Spinning Wheel Kick, Round 3)- UFC 142
The first spinning wheel kick knockout in UFC history, with Etim's body going stiff serving as the sprinkles on top of the cupcake. I'd spend more time talking about this one, but just watch it for yourself.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Nick Denis def. Joseph Sandoval (Elbows, Round 1)-UFC on FX 1 (HELLBOWS REIGN SUPREME)
Siyar Bahadurzada def. Paulo Thiago (Punch, Round 1)-UFC on Fuel 2 (there's a reason his nickname is "The Killer")
Andrew Craig def. Rafael Natal (head kick, Round 2)-UFC on Fuel 4 (a come from behind kick of death)
Ryan Jimmo def. Anthony Perosh (Punch, Round 1)-UFC 149 (one of the five fastest knockouts in UFC history)
Lyoto Machida def. Ryan Bader (punch, Round 2)-UFC on FOX 4 (only made better by Lyoto's bowing over Bader's body)
Cung Le def. Rich Franklin (Punch, Round 1)-UFC on Fuel 6 (painful for the older fans to watch, but incredible for highlight reel fans)
Nate Marquardt def. Tyron Woodley (punches, Round 4)-Strikeforce: Rockhold v. Kennedy (because walkoff KOs are always worth mentioning)
BEST SUBMISSION: Demian Maia def. Rick Story (neck crank, Round 1)-UFC 153
I'm going to let a bit of my fanboy slip out here, but this one made me personally happy, as I think Story and his camp are comprised of meatheads and bullies, and I'm a big Demian Maia fan. It took the BJJ wizard only two and a half minutes to lock on a nasty neck crank from behind, causing enough pressure to make Story's nose drip blood. It seemed as if life itself was being squeezed from the former top 10 welterweight, and it helped Maia earn his first submission win since 2009. Beautiful in its brutality.
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Charles Oliveira def. Eric Wisely (Calf Slicer)- UFC on FOX 2
Dustin Poirier def. Max Holloway (mounted triangle armbar, Round 1)-UFC 143
Matt Wiman def. Paul Sass (armbar, Round 1)-UFC on FUEL 5
Rani Yahya def. Josh Grispi (north-south choke, Round 1)-UFC on FOX 4
Vinny Magalhaes def. Igor Pokrajac (armbar, Round 2)-UFC 152
BIGGEST ROBBERY: UFC 151: The Card That Never Was
True, the card wasn't likely to draw record numbers, and featured a myriad of fights that were probably best left on undercards of free television events, but this still sits with me as the biggest middle finger of the year. Jones/Henderson was a captivating bout on paper, and would've been the true definition of old lion vs new breed. Instead, the younger fighter and champion refuses to take a short notice fight against late replacement Chael Sonnen (a blown up middleweight) and effectively, helps get the card canceled. While I don't place all of the blame on Jones and his camp, and I'm somewhat intrigued by the upcoming Jones/Sonnen season of The Ultimate Fighter, it was still a disappointment to hear that the card had been scrapped.
(DIS)HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Carlo Prater def. Erick Silva (DQ)- UFC 142
Cristiano Marcello def. Reza Madadi (Split Decision)-UFC 153
That does it for the MMA portion of 2012. Now, we move on to movies, movies, and movies. Unfortunately, there were a good portion of films that I missed in 2012, so this list might not be full of future oscar winners. Naturally, I don't give a shit, as these are just the five films I enjoyed the most this year, and five that I wish I had never even batted an eye towards.
An honorable mention must be given to The Raid: Redemption, an absolutely insane martial arts film that deserved all of the praise it received from fans, and featured the best fight sequences I've seen since Kung Fu Hustle from 2004. Had the story not been so basic, I think it might have made the list, but it is my only complaint about this otherwise immensely entertaining picture. I ask you to count how many times you exclaim "Fuck!" or "Oof!" during its running time.
5. Chronicle
Debuting director Josh Trank knocked it out of the park with the closest thing we're going to get to a live-action Akira, the severely underrated Chronicle, a unique take on what happens when three friends gain telekinetic abilities. The concluding twenty minutes alone deserve a spot on this countdown, and should make most big name "action" directors take note on how to do a finale properly.
4. Last Days Here
I'm very picky with my documentaries these days. While you can admit that this is favoritism at its worst here, it doesn't change the fact that this was often times tough to get through, but with such a satisfying reward. This chronicles the long time drug use and general "fuckups" of Pentagram frontman Bobby Liebling, and his several attempts to get clean and sober. Pentagram are widely looked at as one of the most overlooked bands in the metal field (despite their influence on doom metal bands far and wide), and hopefully this story of a phoenix rising from the ashes will be help them get the attention they deserve.
3. Looper
I regret not seeing this in theaters, though admittedly the experience and chance to pay attention to the story may have been tampered by the predictable cliches of theater crowds (audible, confused old folks, noisy teens, etc.). I'm also shocked at how much I've been enjoying as many time travel films as I have within these past few years. Joseph Gordon-Levitt continues to prove that he's no longer the little kid from 3rd Rock from the Sun by giving a hell of a performance, and Bruce Willis' tragic figure/alternate version of JGL's character is so interesting, that he almost makes up for the atrocities of Cop Out. Almost.
2. The Avengers/The Cabin in the Woods
Cheating? Damn right I am. In the world of pop culture, this was the year for Joss Whedon. Admittedly, I'm not a complete Whedon devotee (the script for Alien Ressurrection...*shudder*), but you can't deny that these were bonafide hits, and pretty darn awesome all around. What needs to be said about The Avengers that hasn't been said by nearly every person on the planet? It might just be the best superhero film ever created, at least in the Marvel universe. As for The Cabin in the Woods, I'm been saying to those who were skeptical about giving this viewing: it isn't what you will expect it to be, and that is the film's greatest strength. The horror genre needed something like this to be released in America, as we're still being plagued by unnecessary remakes and shameful sequels. Thankfully, this was a treat for us longtime horror fanatics, and I couldn't have had more fun.
1. Django Unchained
Remember this line from Inglourious Basterds?
Well, I have a bone to pick with the man. As good as that film was, I believe this is closer to a masterpiece for Mr. Tarantino. It might be too difficult trying to pick out the best performance in Django Unchained, as everyone is at the top of their game here. Jamie Foxx and Samuel L. Jackson give their best performances in ages, Leonardo DiCaprio is shockingly slimy, and Christoph Waltz proves that he needs to work with QT as much as humanly possible. The action is bloody and over-the-top, the dialogue very memorable (and a lot funnier than expected), and on the whole, very fun. Those who are sensitive to the subject of the film might find it a bit easier to swallow, but I think you'll be missing out. As someone who doesn't purchase many home releases anymore, this will be one I'll be happy to add to my collection as soon as humanly possible.
To quote one Bloodstain Lane, banana splits for the films mentioned above, and banana clips for the five films below that boiled my blood or just plain sucked.
5. American Reunion
This was like being excited to travel to your high school reunion, only to discover that all of the best friends you thought you had are actually schmucks, everyone acts the exact same, and are nowhere near as funny as you remembered them being. That, or maybe this just wasn't that funny. Either works fine.
4. Piranha 3DD
In this bearded weirdo's opinion, John Gulager struck gold once with the original Feast and has yet to make anything to could surpass, or even equal it. This sequel to the surprisingly fun remake from 2010 was so tepid and flat, you'd think it went straight to video. And no, I don't believe a screening in 3D will help me change my mind, as you can't polish a turd.
3. Jersey Shore Shark Attack
The film that damn near all of my friends weren't able to finish, and I'm shocked that I was able to do myself. This could have come in at number one, but it wasn't released theatrically, so I'm giving it a break (which will be the only time this film will ever get one). If you're curious about why I hated this as much as I did, click here.
2. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Please keep Nicholas Cage away from all comic book-related properties. Hell, keep him from even purchasing the books. This was just plain bad, and for that matter, it was rated PG-13. Mind you, I'm not opposed to PG-13 action films at all, but when you manage to wrangle up the directors behind the Crank films and have David S. Goyer (Dark City, the Nolan Batman trilogy) co-write the screenplay, I expect something resembling a watchable product. Needless to say, we didn't get that. Here's hoping Johnny Blaze stays far away from the big screen for a very long time.
1. The Devil Inside
So, here I am in January 2013 reminding myself of a film released nearly one year ago. I try to convince myself that this wasn't the most infuriating horror film I've watched since The Village, and that by avoiding projects like Rock of Ages, Gone, Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, Joyful Noise, and the latest installment in the Twilight saga, I haven't truly witnessed the "worst of the worst." You're probably right. That being said, this movie still fucking sucks. Essentially an advertisement rather than a real horror film, this got worse the more I thought about it. If you care to revisit my original angry rant/review, go right ahead. But please, don't give this movie your precious time. Invest it with superior projects like The Cabin in the Woods or The Loved Ones instead.
And that does it for the rest of the best and the...what rhymes with worst? Whatever the case, I'll try to update this blog a little more often this year in between work and school, and might even start doing vlogs if I feel compelled to.
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