Unseen Terror 2012: Day 7

A college student named David is looking for additional work, and is hired by Dr. Carl Stoner, an Ophiologist. Stoner injects the young man with a serum that he claims to be an anti-venom to protect against the many snakes in his laboratory. Unknown to David, however, this serum will gradually change him over time into the one thing most noticeable in Stoner's care: a king cobra.




Let me just start by stating that I don't feel comfortable calling Sssssss by its original title, so I think I'll just stick to the title it was released under in the U.K.: Ssssnake. Wait, that doesn't sound all that better. Oh well.

Strother Martin (the man who uttered THIS famous line) plays our "mad scientist" of the film, though it isn't really fair to call him mad since he doesn't show any real signs of being a threat until about the sixty five minute mark, which is coincidentally, one of the only two times we're witness to a fatality in the film. I don't think it would be fair to even call him strange. After all, how many of you feed your pet snakes whiskey in a petri dish and read it excerpts from Walt Whitman works? Heather Menzies (Piranha) and Dirk Benedict (Battlestar Galactica) play vanilla teen #1 and vanilla teen #2 respectively. She's the scientist's daughter with a heart of gold and he's the college boy who looks old enough to play a high school teacher. It really is kind of astonishing to see the evolution of the "college kid" in terms of looks, though we're still able to occasionally mess it up.

Ssssnake's big claim to fame though is the disclaimer flashed at the beginning, where we're told that all of the snakes used in the film are real (save for a few blatantly obvious puppets in certain areas) and that a lot of the crew were legitimately in danger while filming. I can't say this was necessary, and it doesn't add a whole lot to the film other than a few faces that looked genuinely concerned, but it was nice. There's also a gratuitous skinny dipping scene involving two characters that will most likely aggravate anyone watching who get a kick out of unnecessary nudity in their horror films. I suppose the filmmakers were concerned about receiving an "R" rating at the time, so they do everything in their power to dart around or cover up all of the naughty parts (blurred vision, conveniently placed branches and leaves, Menzies wearing what look like granny panties). This was the 70s man! How could you be afraid of showing off at that time? Boo I say, boo. True Menzies has modeled for Playboy before, but its the principle of the matter damn it!

Certain products of the 70s can still be rather enjoyable, even by today's standards (or lack thereof). Ssssnake is sssstupid, but an enjoyable kind of stupid. True, the film seems to forget its own plot until about the seventy minute mark, and the ending is abrupt as well (it makes you wonder if they ran out of film to even finish a proper ending), but gather up a few friends and some beers, and you could have a fun time with its unintentional hilarity.


Tomorrow, I venture into my teen years with several adaptations from one of the all time greats of horror, Mr. STEPHEN KING!

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 6

A group of oil workers search for undiscovered oil on the untapped and mysterious rig Sector 7. After one crew member's uncle joins them, they soon uncover something lying beneath the sea several thousand miles down; something unseen by the human eye. Soon, the workers must find a way to escape the rig with their lives intact.



I first heard of South Korea's Sector 7 from the very charming Scifijapan.com, a good site for those interested in keeping up with licensing and releases for all things related to Asian entertainment. The last time I checked out a Korean monster film was 2006's The Host, which I dug quite a bit. This certainly isn't on the same level as that film, but it doesn't really deserve the tepid response it received if you ask me.

For one thing, I did like the fact that they managed to convey the real difficulty in oil drilling and how much of a nightmare it can be for those involved. There was also a decent sense of camaraderie between everyone, save for when people start dying off, then everyone mostly has the same response of "Oh! They died! Oh well..." This could also serve as a vehicle for lead actress for Ha Ji-won, who they certainly want to portray as an Asian Ellen Ripley of sorts.

I suspect that what garnered the most amount of criticism was the lack of a budget behind the film, and I can't defend that. The monster in Sector 7 looks like total garbage, and not just because it was computer-rendered. The design itself looks like a messy brainchild between Samael from Hellboy and something out of Doom 3. It doesn't help that it has the oldest weakness in the book, though the film's characters seem to forget the old quote of "There's more than one way to skin a cat," as they repeat the same trick at least four times with the same exact result: failure.  One more thing popped into my mind towards the end, and that was that I hope those infatuated with Asian cinema don't try to defend it as anything unique, because it simply isn't. Hell, you could have taken out the Korean cast and replaced them with folks from ANY ethnic background and it wouldn't have made any difference.

Sector 7 is admittedly brought down by its genericness and predictability, along with way too much similarity to Alien, Aliens, and The Thing, but it isn't offensively terrible. Those who want a relatively quick moving SciFi-Horror film could certainly do worse. I didn't find myself annoyed with the film at any time and if I ever stumbled across it again, I wouldn't be opposed to watching it one more time.

A priest with a rare and fatal disease undergoes treatment, and finds himself the only survivor out of five hundred other patients after a blood transfusion. Though everything seems fine and he has made a full recovery, he soon discovers that things are actually quite far from normal: he has been afflicted with vampirism.


It's no secret that I love director Park Chan-wook, who directed the absolutely fantastic "Vengeance" trilogy, which contains one of my favorite films of the past ten years, Oldboy. Thirst is his take on the vampire genre, and it certainly isn't your average bloodsucker. The film moves at a very unusual pace, and it might put some off who are more used to their vampire films having more "pizzazz."

Song Kang-ho plays our infected priest, who you feel genuine empathy for as he struggles to contain not only his newfound bloodlust, but an attraction to an old friend's wife (played wonderfully well by Kim Ok-bin), two things which strongly conflict with everything he stands against due to his religion. Their chemistry is something that I think only Park himself could have conjured up and made the best of. The several scenes of passion between the two (my apologies for the small spoiler) feel shockingly real, and are even uncomfortable when they need to be. Things get particularly interesting for our two leads once the second half comes around, and their relationship starts to take some rather strange turns.

Another big round of applause has to go to the film's composer Jo Yeong-wook, who previously worked with Park on several of his films, including Oldboy. His score is tragic, chilling, and even light-hearted at the times when it needs to be. Now don't get me wrong, this film certainly isn't perfect. For one, there are some funny moments sprinkled throughout but I'm almost certain they were unintentional (if they weren't, then I'll continue with the endless amount of asskissing). It also runs over two hours, and it legitimately feels like it. There is also a surprising lack of fangs, but given that this isn't your average vampiric tale, I can see why they didn't use them.

Some will argue that Thirst isn't a true horror film, but more of a bizarre, bloody, and tragic love story. Whatever the case, a good film is a good film. I dug this one quite a bit, and regret having waited to watch it for three years. If you're looking for something different and dark in a field that is currently riddled with attractive tweens who sparkle in the sun rather than burn, give this one a watch.


Tomorrow, we're back in the good ol' USA for a rather slithering tale with SSSSSSS.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 5

Two youths make a trip to Tijuana and end up getting into more trouble than they bargained for. They soon meet a stranger who offers them a mysterious box said to hold a gateway to eternal pleasure (and pain).

To answer my question from yesterday's post,

Yes.

Yes it does deserve to be.

Hellraiser: Revelations' existence is due to Dimension having a brainfart. Seriously. The film company realized not that long ago that they were close to losing the Hellraiser franchise after a contractual dispute said they were required to make a sequel to 2005's Hellraiser: Hellworld. Subsequently, this was slapped together in a rush and filmed in only eleven days. Unlike the last four entries, this one is based off of a script that was originally intended to be…a Hellraiser film! Shocking that it took eleven years for us to see this come to be, but also incredibly depressing considering how this turned out.

Revelations is the first film in the franchise to NOT feature Doug Bradley as Pinhead, the iconic Cenobite leader. Instead he's replaced by unknown actor Stephan Smith Collins, who not only looks nothing like Bradley, but can't seem to enunciate without sounding constipated. To be fair, his Pinhead looks more akin to that of a parody rather than the real deal, so I can't completely blame him. Actually no, fuck being soft here. He SUCKS. As to why Bradley himself didn't return, he was quoted as saying "This script is a piss poor pile of piss." Alright alright, he actually didn't like that there was no second draft of said script, and was going to take a significant reduction in pay.

The movie starts off like a "found footage" film, but quickly turns into something that even SyFy or The Asylum would shake their heads at. It doesn't help that our actors' talents are on par with a Uwe Boll film, and the characters themselves and actions they make are pale imitations of characters and actions from the first film in the franchise (Oh! So clever that their last names are Craven and Bradley! How long'd it take to think of that one?). 

A few years back, I remembered hearing rumors of a remake/reboot for this franchise, with directing duties going from Pascal Laugier (Martyrs) to Patrick Lussier (Dracula 2000, My Bloody Valentine 3D), with screenwriter Todd Farmer (Jason X, My Bloody Valentine 3D) writing the script. Though I am vehemently against remakes for the most part, and am not a particular fan of any of those previously named projects, I say go for it. This franchise is in desperate need for someone, nay, ANYONE, to breathe new life into it, and has been needing it for the past two decades. For the love of all that is unholy, restore some integrity by snatching it away from Dimension's greedy claws.

I'm assuming that Dimension cares about integrity though.

Tomorrow, we take a trip to South Korea with THIRST and SECTOR 7.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 4

A reporter known for going deep under cover to get the best out of her stories is assigned to investigate a cult in Romania that goes by the nickname of "The Deaders." While researching it overseas, she finds herself drawn into their world and their connection with the mysterious Lament Configuration.


We're on the seventh film in this franchise, and things are almost starting to look (slightly) up again. Hellraiser: Deader, like its predecessors, wasn't originally conceived as an entry in the Hellraiser mythos, but was altered by the screenwriter to include the cenobites, the puzzle box, and a pretty surprising revelation towards the end that harkens back to Hellraiser: Bloodline. It also brings back director Rick Bota, who directed the previous entry, which as you can see by a quick search, I didn't particularly care for.

Kari Wuhrer (MTV's Remote Control) is our lead actress here, and she isn't too shabby. She's got a certain charm (and a decent horror scream), and is our first female lead we've had since Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth. She's given some pretty atrocious dialogue and co-stars to have to deal with, but she at least manages to make the most of it. There's actually a relatively good scene involving her and potential claustrophobia, but it is nearly ruined by the dreaded "Flashcinations" that were abundant in the previous films. Seriously, does Dimension have a boner for this stuff? It certainly would explain why EVERY entry post-theatrical releases has been riddled with these. This film also seemed to have a real problem with casting people from Romania, as apparently everyone in the country is British, not Romanian. C'mon folks, it couldn't have been THAT difficult to train a few actors to pull off an accent.

This one had promise, but I think just turns out to be sort of "so-so" in the end (though I'll admit to liking the actual ending quite a bit). It is very apparent that in the beginning it wasn't based on anything affiliated with Clive Barker, but I think with some tweaks to the script (or rather, additional tweaks), this could have turned into a neat little horror film. And don't let the fact that Stan Winston Productions is involved sway you either, it isn't noticeable whatsoever. It is infinitely better than the absolutely awful Hellseeker and the frustrating Inferno, but I wouldn't recommend seeking it out unless you have a few dollars to spare.

Two years after a friend's suicide, a group of teenagers receive an invitation to a private gathering inspired by the massively popular online game "Hellworld," which itself has been inspired by the even more popular "Hellraiser" franchise (and was partially blamed for their friend's demise). Soon, they find their lives are in great danger when they discover the truth about the party's host and the game itself.

"LIKE A BAD HORROR MOVIE, ISN'T IT?"

Hellraiser: Hellworld on the other hand, they should pay YOU for having to sit through. This one could have been subtitled "When Hellraiser goes Meta!" Hellworld was filmed back-to-back with Deader, and of course, shares the same director. And yet again, this was unrelated to the Hellraiser franchise in the beginning, but the script was altered for a release because...well, probably just because. Somehow, this one ends up being a complete mess that will make you increase your rating of the previous entry by default.

This one boasts Henry Cavill (the next Superman) and Lance "I'll say yes to any script you throw my way" Henriksen, but they're as disposable as the rest of the cast (not in terms of actual screen time though). And good god this thing is badly assembled. It feels like a late 1990s slasher, complete with gratuitous nudity, teen heroes played by folks in their mid to late 20s, and an obnoxious nu-metal/industrial metal soundtrack that SOOOO screams "Disturbed British Horror." Oh yeah, and some cenobites pop up once in a while. Did we forget them? Well, the writer seemed to. This script could have used ANY horror franchise, or even an original creation, and it still wouldn't have made any difference. Hell, it doesn't even seem to remember continuity ten minutes after certain scenes take place!

To make matters worse, this could have the most ridiculous, nonsensical plot twist I've seen since in quite some time. It literally ruins the entire film (not that there was much to ruin), and opens up gaping plot holes that shouldn't have been there to begin with. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Come to think of it, ALL of these four films I've reviewed in the last two days have essentially the same plot twists!

If you're looking for good meta horror films, just stick with Wes Craven's New Nightmare or Scream, or even the recently released Cabin in the Woods. Those are a lot more clever, they're better acted, they're funnier, and they're genuinely scary at times. This doesn't even deserve to be a cheap coaster.



Tomorrow, we mercifully wrap up the Hellraiser franchise with the much maligned (but does it deserve to be?) HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 3

Oh Hellraiser, how I love you so. Mind you that I'm referring to the original classic by Clive Barker, not any of the subsequent sequels that have followed. I'll admit that 2-4 have their moments, but overall, nothing beats the first as they say. Despite my hesitance, I still decided to continue with this franchise, even as it steered away from theatrical releases and went into the dreaded realm of straight-to-video.

A crooked detective becomes caught up in a world of murder and intrigue after investigating a homicide seemingly connected to the Lament Configuration. Soon, he also discovers the connections they all share with a mysterious figure known as "The Engineer."

Hellraiser: Inferno was the first film in the franchise not to be given any theatrical release, and therefore, one has to assume the bar must be set incredibly low, especially given how mediocre the previous installments had been. For starters, it decides to ignore continuity in favor of just trying to scare the viewer with a few scenes of torture and peppering it with a whole lot of the usual "Is he crazy?" angles. Secondly, it has no sympathetic lead. Say what you will about Kirsty Cotton, but at least she felt like someone you could identify with and feel sorry for. Joe Thorne, played by Craig Sheffer (if the guy isn't related to C.B. Dollaway, then he's a filthy liar), is a douchebag through and through. He's a cheating and dirty main character, and you don't feel an ounce of sorrow for the guy at any point in the film. Most horror films rely upon having SOMEONE you can feel for or root for, but I suppose the writers for this installment just decided to forsake that.

This film's biggest problem is that it barely feels like a horror film. True, we get some decent gore for the budget it has, but it feels like a cop drama mixed with a psychological thriller, while deciding to occasionally throw in a cenobite cameo or two. Hell, we even get a scene of cowboys trained in martial arts attacking Joe. What does THAT have to do with Hellraiser? A quick bit of research suggests that this wasn't even originally supposed to involve the franchise whatsoever, but for reasons I'm not 100% certain of, they opted to use this script instead. Pinhead doesn't even get to speak until about the last ten minutes of the film. Mind you, the minimum use of the cenobites worked incredibly well in the first Hellrasier, but for some reason, it just doesn't work here. And for fuck's sake, Doug Bradley has one of the most memorable voices in horror history! You could probably get chills just hearing him read brownie recipes, so why silence him for so long?

Even after all that bitching though, I'll have to say that it isn't terrible. Sure, you'll probably stumble across this on SyFy or one of the many subsidiaries of Showtime in the future, but you can find worse ways to kill time.

Trevor Gooden awakens in a hospital following a terrible car accident. Suffering from a rather bad head injury, he is unable to distinguish reality from truth, though he does know that his wife Kirsty, is missing or presumed dead from the day of the accident. Not long afterwards, he stumbles across the dreaded puzzle box, and will soon discover the ties it has to all of his problems. 



Oh.

Yeah.

Um, this is a MUCH worse way to kill time. Unless you're desperate for seeing semi-attractive women get topless.

Hellrasier: Inferno got slightly better the more I thought about it. This one will most likely stay a steaming turd as long as I can remember it, which may not be for long. It says a lot when you can bring back Ashley Laurence and still make a bad Hellraiser film. It is rather unfortunate that she's only in the film for about a total of ten minutes, and most of it is in her schmuck husband's memories. No disrespect to Dean Winters though, he's a credible actor in his own right. You'd never be able to tell here however considering he sleepwalks through his performance. Truth be told, most of the people here do as well. Like the previous installment, you don't particularly feel a lot of sympathy for this lead, and they even play with the whole "troubled marriage" deal yet again. It was one thing in the first film, it was another with Inferno, but now, it is beyond frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating, this movie LOVES to play with the "What is real" spiel like it has nothing else to offer. It gets to be irritating after about the twentieth time Trevor has a flashcination (you can never fucking tell which it is until the end, and even then, that's debatable), and it doesn't help that most of it feels eerily similar to Jacob's Ladder at times, minus the Vietnam War background. Like the film before it, Hellseeker originally had no relations to this franchise, but again, Dimension wanted to cut costs, and decided to throw in Kirsty and the lot in hopes that it would boost sales. I'm not sure how much this sold on DVD, but I can ensure you it probably wasn't a lot.

Don't bother with this one, unless you are a purist and absolutely MUST watch every single Hellraiser film ever created. It isn't scary, it isn't entertaining, it isn't clever, it just...isn't. In fact, just go listen to Harm's Way-Scrambled. It contains the only bit of good dialogue from this wretched work coupled with some insanely heavy riffs.



All of that being said, come back tomorrow as I descend further down the rabbit hole (if the rabbit was in bondage gear with skin being torn off) with HELLRAISER: DEADER & HELLRAISER: HELLWORLD.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 2

An elderly gentleman (Boris Karloff) presents a terrifying trilogy of tales. First up, a greedy nurse steals from the recently deceased, but finds that the dead don't take kindly to thieves. Then, a young woman finds herself terrorized on the phone by an ex-lover she once thought gone. Finally, a nobleman stumbles across a beheaded corpse, and soon thereafter, a worried family whose father has not returned for five days, but who soon may under peculiar circumstances.


Mario Bava's importance to the horror genre can't be denied. Most aficionados cite works such as Black Sunday, Blood & Black Lace, and Planet of the Vampires as essential viewings for fans of Italian horror. He's also played a huge part in Italian cinema's affinity for beautiful women and dark endings. Another feature with such high praise and respect is 1963's Black Sabbath, which yes, did inspire the band of the same name. So in a way, you can thank the Italians for helping give birth to heavy metal! Okay, I admit that sounds stupid. Still, it was either that or resort to making a LOT of jokes based around the band's lyrics and song titles throughout this review.

Reviewing anthology films always tends to be a bit on the difficult side, given that all of the segments could be treated as individual films. Black Sabbath has a lot in common with most anthologies though, despite it predating a majority of my personal favorites. For example, it saves the best and (arguably) most memorable segment for last. I don't think I can recall ANY anthology that hasn't done this though. The first segment, titled "The Drop of Water," felt a tad bit too short for my liking. It relies upon the shock factor with seeing a dried up corpse a tad bit too much, but the quiet tone it sets up before the big "conclusion" does work a bit. I can give high praise for the makeup in this segment too, which looked pretty gosh darn good by 1963's standards.

The second segment, "The Telephone," had a rather underwhelming end, but was otherwise well done and had a great lead actress in the beautiful Michele Mercier. You can also see where films such as When a Stranger Calls and Scream got some of their inspiration from after viewing this segment. The only true downfall of this story was that the conclusion feels underwhelming, at least considering what it was building up to.

As stated above, however, the crowning achievement of Black Sabbath comes with "The Wurdulak," a supernatural tale about a loved one returning not quite the same as they once were. Boris Karloff, in addition to portraying our narrator introducing the stories, stars in this one, and of course, gives a pretty darn creepy performance that makes this segment worth watching, even if you end up skipping the other two. I do wish some of the dialogue hadn't been so schlocky or downright odd ("Can't I fondle my own grandson?!"), but that comes with the territory sometimes. The characters are more well developed, which is most likely due to this segment running the longest. Heck, it doesn't even really LOOK like a 1963 film, though that was due to some exceptional lighting used at just the right time.

By today's standards, Black Sabbath isn't perfect, but it is something worth viewing at least once. Given that the film is going to turn sixty years old next year, and that the final segment can still hold up as a magnificent piece of horror, that is absolutely worth respecting.


Tomorrow, I'll begin my descent into hell with a plethora of sequels within two days, all of which will start with HELLRAISER: INFERNO.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 1

Alrighty! Time to do this bad boy yet again! 31+ films in 31 days, all of which I've never had the chance to watch in their entirety (or watch whatsoever). Today, we'll start with a movie widely regarded as one of the best in British cinema, regardless of the genre.

A married couple, John and Laura, lose their daughter in a horrible accident. Several years later, they reside in Venice, with the husband working on a contracting job for a local church. The wife, however, has a chance encounter with two elderly sisters, one of whom is psychic. While she brings news to Laura that their daughter is "happy" in the afterlife, she also gives out a warning of something horrible to come.


I suppose it might be unfair to call this a pure "horror" film, given that it has more in common with a thriller, but its influence in the world of horror is undeniable. I've always felt that both fields were more tightly knit than people may want to admit. Don't Look Now is famous for two things: the twist ending and the potentially unsimulated sex scene between the film's two main stars. And of course, I'll discuss both, though not in great detail. I don't want to give too much away about this rather well done piece of work.

Despite being released in 1973, there is some absolutely fantastic camera work and editing that still holds up today. Plenty of great "dissolving" shots pepper the film, and I don't think it would have worked as well had it not been shot and set in Italy. This works especially well in the second half of the picture, and it starts to make the viewer feel paranoid and uneasy, along with the two leads. Speaking of our leads, they are just fantastic here. Donald Sutherland has always managed to do well working with horror films (minus a few missteps here and there), but honestly, Julie Christie completely outperforms him throughout most of the two hour runtime. Her grief and sorrow feels genuine, and you can't really take your eyes off of her (it certainly doesn't help that she was absolutely beautiful here. Actually, scratch that, she's STILL beautiful). The film feels very somber, and indeed, grief and sadness are the real keys to what drives this film, as is the urge to let go of those feelings.

Alas, I suppose I have to get to the two main things I discussed in my first paragraph that WASN'T the synopsis. While I admit that I'm the furthest thing from being knowledgable about "erotic" cinema or "erotic" sequences in cinema, I'm willing to bet that the lovemaking between the two leads was probably faked. Then again, I'm a skeptic about most things. BUT, all of that being said, you could convince damn near anyone that it wasn't. And as far as the ending goes, I was spoiled in advance (THANKS Bravo), but it didn't make it any less impacting. It may fall into the category of one of those conclusions you'll have to think about for a moment, but it makes perfect sense for a film of this nature.


Well so far, we're off to a good start. Don't Look Now certainly isn't going to be for everyone (especially those who don't like quieter films and prefer their horror films to be that much more "brutal"), but I rather enjoyed it. Unfortunately, this one might be a bit hard to come across due to Netflix recently removing it from their Instant Queue. Save up a few dollars and find a cheap copy on DVD, then let me know what you think.


Tomorrow, we'll take a gander at what helped birth heavy metal (no really!) with BLACK SABBATH.