Unseen Terror 2012: Day 5

Two youths make a trip to Tijuana and end up getting into more trouble than they bargained for. They soon meet a stranger who offers them a mysterious box said to hold a gateway to eternal pleasure (and pain).

To answer my question from yesterday's post,

Yes.

Yes it does deserve to be.

Hellraiser: Revelations' existence is due to Dimension having a brainfart. Seriously. The film company realized not that long ago that they were close to losing the Hellraiser franchise after a contractual dispute said they were required to make a sequel to 2005's Hellraiser: Hellworld. Subsequently, this was slapped together in a rush and filmed in only eleven days. Unlike the last four entries, this one is based off of a script that was originally intended to be…a Hellraiser film! Shocking that it took eleven years for us to see this come to be, but also incredibly depressing considering how this turned out.

Revelations is the first film in the franchise to NOT feature Doug Bradley as Pinhead, the iconic Cenobite leader. Instead he's replaced by unknown actor Stephan Smith Collins, who not only looks nothing like Bradley, but can't seem to enunciate without sounding constipated. To be fair, his Pinhead looks more akin to that of a parody rather than the real deal, so I can't completely blame him. Actually no, fuck being soft here. He SUCKS. As to why Bradley himself didn't return, he was quoted as saying "This script is a piss poor pile of piss." Alright alright, he actually didn't like that there was no second draft of said script, and was going to take a significant reduction in pay.

The movie starts off like a "found footage" film, but quickly turns into something that even SyFy or The Asylum would shake their heads at. It doesn't help that our actors' talents are on par with a Uwe Boll film, and the characters themselves and actions they make are pale imitations of characters and actions from the first film in the franchise (Oh! So clever that their last names are Craven and Bradley! How long'd it take to think of that one?). 

A few years back, I remembered hearing rumors of a remake/reboot for this franchise, with directing duties going from Pascal Laugier (Martyrs) to Patrick Lussier (Dracula 2000, My Bloody Valentine 3D), with screenwriter Todd Farmer (Jason X, My Bloody Valentine 3D) writing the script. Though I am vehemently against remakes for the most part, and am not a particular fan of any of those previously named projects, I say go for it. This franchise is in desperate need for someone, nay, ANYONE, to breathe new life into it, and has been needing it for the past two decades. For the love of all that is unholy, restore some integrity by snatching it away from Dimension's greedy claws.

I'm assuming that Dimension cares about integrity though.

Tomorrow, we take a trip to South Korea with THIRST and SECTOR 7.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 4

A reporter known for going deep under cover to get the best out of her stories is assigned to investigate a cult in Romania that goes by the nickname of "The Deaders." While researching it overseas, she finds herself drawn into their world and their connection with the mysterious Lament Configuration.


We're on the seventh film in this franchise, and things are almost starting to look (slightly) up again. Hellraiser: Deader, like its predecessors, wasn't originally conceived as an entry in the Hellraiser mythos, but was altered by the screenwriter to include the cenobites, the puzzle box, and a pretty surprising revelation towards the end that harkens back to Hellraiser: Bloodline. It also brings back director Rick Bota, who directed the previous entry, which as you can see by a quick search, I didn't particularly care for.

Kari Wuhrer (MTV's Remote Control) is our lead actress here, and she isn't too shabby. She's got a certain charm (and a decent horror scream), and is our first female lead we've had since Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth. She's given some pretty atrocious dialogue and co-stars to have to deal with, but she at least manages to make the most of it. There's actually a relatively good scene involving her and potential claustrophobia, but it is nearly ruined by the dreaded "Flashcinations" that were abundant in the previous films. Seriously, does Dimension have a boner for this stuff? It certainly would explain why EVERY entry post-theatrical releases has been riddled with these. This film also seemed to have a real problem with casting people from Romania, as apparently everyone in the country is British, not Romanian. C'mon folks, it couldn't have been THAT difficult to train a few actors to pull off an accent.

This one had promise, but I think just turns out to be sort of "so-so" in the end (though I'll admit to liking the actual ending quite a bit). It is very apparent that in the beginning it wasn't based on anything affiliated with Clive Barker, but I think with some tweaks to the script (or rather, additional tweaks), this could have turned into a neat little horror film. And don't let the fact that Stan Winston Productions is involved sway you either, it isn't noticeable whatsoever. It is infinitely better than the absolutely awful Hellseeker and the frustrating Inferno, but I wouldn't recommend seeking it out unless you have a few dollars to spare.

Two years after a friend's suicide, a group of teenagers receive an invitation to a private gathering inspired by the massively popular online game "Hellworld," which itself has been inspired by the even more popular "Hellraiser" franchise (and was partially blamed for their friend's demise). Soon, they find their lives are in great danger when they discover the truth about the party's host and the game itself.

"LIKE A BAD HORROR MOVIE, ISN'T IT?"

Hellraiser: Hellworld on the other hand, they should pay YOU for having to sit through. This one could have been subtitled "When Hellraiser goes Meta!" Hellworld was filmed back-to-back with Deader, and of course, shares the same director. And yet again, this was unrelated to the Hellraiser franchise in the beginning, but the script was altered for a release because...well, probably just because. Somehow, this one ends up being a complete mess that will make you increase your rating of the previous entry by default.

This one boasts Henry Cavill (the next Superman) and Lance "I'll say yes to any script you throw my way" Henriksen, but they're as disposable as the rest of the cast (not in terms of actual screen time though). And good god this thing is badly assembled. It feels like a late 1990s slasher, complete with gratuitous nudity, teen heroes played by folks in their mid to late 20s, and an obnoxious nu-metal/industrial metal soundtrack that SOOOO screams "Disturbed British Horror." Oh yeah, and some cenobites pop up once in a while. Did we forget them? Well, the writer seemed to. This script could have used ANY horror franchise, or even an original creation, and it still wouldn't have made any difference. Hell, it doesn't even seem to remember continuity ten minutes after certain scenes take place!

To make matters worse, this could have the most ridiculous, nonsensical plot twist I've seen since in quite some time. It literally ruins the entire film (not that there was much to ruin), and opens up gaping plot holes that shouldn't have been there to begin with. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Come to think of it, ALL of these four films I've reviewed in the last two days have essentially the same plot twists!

If you're looking for good meta horror films, just stick with Wes Craven's New Nightmare or Scream, or even the recently released Cabin in the Woods. Those are a lot more clever, they're better acted, they're funnier, and they're genuinely scary at times. This doesn't even deserve to be a cheap coaster.



Tomorrow, we mercifully wrap up the Hellraiser franchise with the much maligned (but does it deserve to be?) HELLRAISER: REVELATIONS.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 3

Oh Hellraiser, how I love you so. Mind you that I'm referring to the original classic by Clive Barker, not any of the subsequent sequels that have followed. I'll admit that 2-4 have their moments, but overall, nothing beats the first as they say. Despite my hesitance, I still decided to continue with this franchise, even as it steered away from theatrical releases and went into the dreaded realm of straight-to-video.

A crooked detective becomes caught up in a world of murder and intrigue after investigating a homicide seemingly connected to the Lament Configuration. Soon, he also discovers the connections they all share with a mysterious figure known as "The Engineer."

Hellraiser: Inferno was the first film in the franchise not to be given any theatrical release, and therefore, one has to assume the bar must be set incredibly low, especially given how mediocre the previous installments had been. For starters, it decides to ignore continuity in favor of just trying to scare the viewer with a few scenes of torture and peppering it with a whole lot of the usual "Is he crazy?" angles. Secondly, it has no sympathetic lead. Say what you will about Kirsty Cotton, but at least she felt like someone you could identify with and feel sorry for. Joe Thorne, played by Craig Sheffer (if the guy isn't related to C.B. Dollaway, then he's a filthy liar), is a douchebag through and through. He's a cheating and dirty main character, and you don't feel an ounce of sorrow for the guy at any point in the film. Most horror films rely upon having SOMEONE you can feel for or root for, but I suppose the writers for this installment just decided to forsake that.

This film's biggest problem is that it barely feels like a horror film. True, we get some decent gore for the budget it has, but it feels like a cop drama mixed with a psychological thriller, while deciding to occasionally throw in a cenobite cameo or two. Hell, we even get a scene of cowboys trained in martial arts attacking Joe. What does THAT have to do with Hellraiser? A quick bit of research suggests that this wasn't even originally supposed to involve the franchise whatsoever, but for reasons I'm not 100% certain of, they opted to use this script instead. Pinhead doesn't even get to speak until about the last ten minutes of the film. Mind you, the minimum use of the cenobites worked incredibly well in the first Hellrasier, but for some reason, it just doesn't work here. And for fuck's sake, Doug Bradley has one of the most memorable voices in horror history! You could probably get chills just hearing him read brownie recipes, so why silence him for so long?

Even after all that bitching though, I'll have to say that it isn't terrible. Sure, you'll probably stumble across this on SyFy or one of the many subsidiaries of Showtime in the future, but you can find worse ways to kill time.

Trevor Gooden awakens in a hospital following a terrible car accident. Suffering from a rather bad head injury, he is unable to distinguish reality from truth, though he does know that his wife Kirsty, is missing or presumed dead from the day of the accident. Not long afterwards, he stumbles across the dreaded puzzle box, and will soon discover the ties it has to all of his problems. 



Oh.

Yeah.

Um, this is a MUCH worse way to kill time. Unless you're desperate for seeing semi-attractive women get topless.

Hellrasier: Inferno got slightly better the more I thought about it. This one will most likely stay a steaming turd as long as I can remember it, which may not be for long. It says a lot when you can bring back Ashley Laurence and still make a bad Hellraiser film. It is rather unfortunate that she's only in the film for about a total of ten minutes, and most of it is in her schmuck husband's memories. No disrespect to Dean Winters though, he's a credible actor in his own right. You'd never be able to tell here however considering he sleepwalks through his performance. Truth be told, most of the people here do as well. Like the previous installment, you don't particularly feel a lot of sympathy for this lead, and they even play with the whole "troubled marriage" deal yet again. It was one thing in the first film, it was another with Inferno, but now, it is beyond frustrating.

Speaking of frustrating, this movie LOVES to play with the "What is real" spiel like it has nothing else to offer. It gets to be irritating after about the twentieth time Trevor has a flashcination (you can never fucking tell which it is until the end, and even then, that's debatable), and it doesn't help that most of it feels eerily similar to Jacob's Ladder at times, minus the Vietnam War background. Like the film before it, Hellseeker originally had no relations to this franchise, but again, Dimension wanted to cut costs, and decided to throw in Kirsty and the lot in hopes that it would boost sales. I'm not sure how much this sold on DVD, but I can ensure you it probably wasn't a lot.

Don't bother with this one, unless you are a purist and absolutely MUST watch every single Hellraiser film ever created. It isn't scary, it isn't entertaining, it isn't clever, it just...isn't. In fact, just go listen to Harm's Way-Scrambled. It contains the only bit of good dialogue from this wretched work coupled with some insanely heavy riffs.



All of that being said, come back tomorrow as I descend further down the rabbit hole (if the rabbit was in bondage gear with skin being torn off) with HELLRAISER: DEADER & HELLRAISER: HELLWORLD.