Transformers: Age Of Extinction (2014) Review

Several years have passed since a grandiose and destructive battle between the alien races known as the Autobots and the Decepticons ravaged the city of Chicago. Despite the constant defense of humanity, the surviving Autobot units are now being tracked down and destroyed by the Central Intelligence Agency, aided by a new, mysterious transformer named Lockdown. In a small Texas town, a frustrated inventor discovers a rusty and beaten up semi, and takes it in to his barn, hoping that he can disassemble the vehicle and sell the parts in order to help put his daughter through college. The vehicle soon reveals itself to be fabled Autobot leader Optimus Prime, who soon teams with the humble Texans in order to discover the truth behind these huntings, and what involvement the government has.


Oh Transformers, I've had such a strange history with you. I never grew up on your original run in the 1980s, and have still never finished your famed animated motion picture starring the voices of Eric Idle, Orson Welles, and many other respected actors and actresses who were most likely ashamed of having a film about warring giant robots on their acting resumes. Still, given my childhood obsession with all things Dinosaur-related, I loved and adored the concept of the Dinobots, and this lead to one of my favorite animated series and toy lines of the 1990s: Beast Wars, a show that I will still defend to this day, even if its animation is noticeably outdated. In recent memory, I've barely given a pass to your 2007 Michael Bay-helmed relaunch of the same name, though I can not feign enthusiasm for the sequel that you unleashed upon this world. While I skipped your third entry (the rather amusingly titled Dark of the Moon), I figured that a free ticket (thanks to a mixup with the 3D screening of Maleficent) and some available time could be an amusingly dumb way to pass the time, especially since your trailers and television spots highlighted the introduction of said Dinobots…..Alright, enough of this way of speaking.


As eloquent and nostalgic as I may sound above, there are no words that in exist in the human vocabulary to describe what Transformers: Age of Extinction truly is. Off the top of my head, I can think of a small handful within one minute or less: craptacular, shitty, vile, stupid, obnoxious, moronic, and excruciating. You can feel free to tell me more later if you choose to. If it is comparable to an inanimate object, I'd liken it to a birthday cake made entirely out of diarrhea. If you're wondering if the series could sink any lower than the reprehensible, juvenile, and racist Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, it is difficult to debate. I have been struggling to hold my composure and not type "FUCK THIS MOVIE" repeatedly until I lose consciousness. Alas, I have to try and type something coherent for the small amount of you who read my blog, even if this "movie" is anything but.


Starting off, as far as the non-robotic side of the film goes, I won't spend too much of my valuable minutes talking about the wastes of time and failed creations that they attempt to call "human beings." In recent years, Mark Wahlberg has proved that he can actually step up to the plate when given the right project, but when he's spouting off one-liners and sentences that would make Schwarzenegger cringe, you wouldn't know it. His acting is on par with his now-legendary job in M. Night Shymalan's The Happening, and Shymalan may be relieved to know that he is now free of the dishonor of having concocted and directing Wahlberg's worst performance. Nicola Peltz might be relatively easy on the eyes, but with how quickly she decides to age, her resume declines steadily, and going from The Last Airbender (hey, that's TWO M. Night movie references!) to this is shockingly a downgrade. I also found it slightly creepy that her character is stated to be a mere seventeen years old, and yet the cameras are fixated on as many slow motion sequences and closeup shots as possible, with a stronger emphasis on placing her in rather skimpy jean shorts in the latter half. Director Michael Bay and the three individuals in charge of casting have lifted heavily from the dreaded and lambasted "Big Book of Character Stereotypes." There's the boyfriend with a heart of gold, the tough, older father figure who spends nearly half of the picture arguing with said boyfriend about him dating his daughter (Wahlberg playing Peltz's dad is just plain laughable), the evil scientist with a semblance of a conscience (poor, poor Stanley Tucci), the evil government officials, the smart British scientists, the military douchebag, the sassy, loud black woman, and many more that I couldn't even count on several surrounding hands. It certainly hurts the movie when every surrounding person has to chat and deal exchanges that will only appeal to the lowest common denominator. Its most blatantly offensive depiction comes in the form of the Chinese, who may just attack us after all when T4 opens overseas after this jingoistic piece comes to all areas of the globe. If you're into this type of thinking and find something relatable in these characters, then good for you. Anyone else with no tolerance for this form of laziness will hope that the aforementioned folks are beaten to death with barbed wire baseball bats.


One of my biggest complaints about the Bay-formers pictures lies in the fact that once out of vehicle mode, you can barely tell most of the Autobots and Decepticons apart from one another, since they all just look like giant, metallic messes with the occasional different color scheme (this is especially true for the second film in this franchise). True, if they had used a majority of the designs from the original series, it would have looked even sillier, but it's bothersome nonetheless. In this entry, Michael Bay and his team of helper monkeys with thinking caps have done a fairly commendable job of making most of the Autobots look distinctive, but it comes with a small price. For once we meet his merry group of mechanical minions, they are either painful stereotypes or irritating eyesores. There's the Japanese samurai (who they were kind enough to give squinty, slanty eyes), the gruff army commander (sadly voiced by John Goodman), the rogue, English bad ass who won't say no to a fight, Brains, a miniature robot who can transform into a Notebook when not imitating an older, jive African American, and Bumblebee. Yes, I forgot that he had such a prominent role since the first film and onward, and that for some reason, they decided to re-scramble his voice box after it was fixed at the end of the original Transformers (which leads to a scene with M.C. Hammer's "Can't Touch This" that almost made me walk out of the theater). And before you say anything, yes, I did touch on stereotyping in my previously-written paragraph not even two minutes ago. While I applaud your decision to pay attention, Michael Bay doesn't give a damn about what you think. He has to ruin all of which is involved with Age of Extinction, especially with what you paid to see. The action sequences, despite being flashy and relentless, lack a certain amount of soul to them, especially after the bar has been set so high within the first six months of this year. Even more depressing is the manner in which he portrays the MacGuffinbots, who seem to have suddenly taken over the bodies of my beloved Dinbots. Admittedly, I do admire the redesigns that they went with (until they transform out of their beast modes), but every single one of them serves absolutely no purpose in this picture and could have been replaced with literally any other character, be it Transformer or human. I wouldn't be shocked if they decide to shoehorn characters from Beast Wars or the rather massive being known as Unicron into the fifth motion picture solely for the hell of it.


Speaking of shoehorning, I haven't seen this much blatant product placement in a movie since….well, ever. I'm not oblivious to the fact that you have to make your money back somehow and promote this latest entry to those outside of your general Trapt and Avenged Sevenfold-listening crowds, but was there really a need to have multiple, BLATANT shots. mentions, and advertisements for Bud Light, Beats Electronics, My Little Pony, and Red Bull? It doesn't take a genius or anyone with even the slightest bit of legitimacy in the movie reviewing business to see that this is shameless on the part of the director and Paramount Pictures. Age Of Extinction clocks in at nearly three hours long, and given it's meandering and attempt at character development (notice that I said "attempt"), this length feels more like a chore to sit through, and it will cause several patrons to check their watches or cellular phones to see when the whole experience will finally be over. Whether this is due to prior obligations or just plain boredom I'm not quite sure, but either are acceptable answers. Bay also has the audacity to lift and steal from superior projects released in the last decade, including The Matrix (the mercenary Lockdown is poor man's cross between Agent Smith and Elysium's Kruger), The Avengers, and both of director Neill Blomkamp's full-length science fiction epics. Initially, I didn't want to jump to conclusions and call the man a hack, but he leaps into this category with gusto and not a care in the world, further establishing himself as the Maxim Magazine of Hollywood blockbusters.


Transformers: Age of Extinction holds the (now) distinct honor of making me question everything that I'm doing with this hobby. Mind you, it isn't in some sort of philosophical or existential kind of way, but more in a "stop spending your money, be it free, earned, or stolen on utter garbage" kind of way. If I see a motion picture worse than what I just suffered through any time this year, I may have to duct tape a shotgun to my head and blow my brains out. If this leads to an influx of more toy lines being adapted to film, or worse, a pentalogy (Extinction ends on a cliffhanger coupled with dialogue that makes some of the writing for WWE resemble the work of William Shakespeare), then I'll strap a bomb to my chest, board a flight to California, take acid, and run into the nearest movie studio that I can find. In fact, for those of you taking the time to read this: if you encounter any living person who says that they genuinely and/or enthusiastically enjoyed Transformers: Age of Extinction more than any other recent releases, please hit them in the head with a large rock and throw them into a river. The human race will be better off without these mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers around.




Or just stab them repeatedly. Either way works fine.

Maleficent (2014) Review

In an enchanted world populated by magical and powerful fairies and assorted creatures, a young fairy named Maleficent lives peacefully and joyously among her brethren. After a chance encounter, she begins to develop feelings for a human named Stefan, who comes from the fairy's bordering neighbors, and eventual enemies, the human kingdom. Over the years, Stefan's lust for power and leadership of his kingdom leads him to commit a terrible act towards the fairy, hoping it will culminate in speeding up his ascension towards the throne. Enraged and saddened, Maleficent begins a long and arduous path towards evil, which will culminate in a dark gift for the newly-crowned king's firstborn, Princess Aurora.


Despite what some of my friends or frequent visitors of Into The Hive may think, I'm always welcome to a new interpretation of a classic story, especially in the realm of classic fairy tale lore. Perhaps Bill Willingham's acclaimed graphic novel series Fables is partly to blame, or it may be my own maturity and attitude towards films of all variety which has helped. When I first caught a glance of Angelina Jolie and Elle Fanning as noted and famous Disney stalwarts Maleficent and Aurora, I was somewhat intrigued, but my apathy towards anything Disney-related that ISN'T animated wasn't leading me towards a ticket purchase. The first round of teasers and full-length trailers did little to bring about any enthusiasm, and discovering that this was in the hands of a first time director made me skeptical, even though this has worked for a multitude of films in recent memory. But for every Evil Dead or District 9, there is always an Aliens vs Predator: Requiem. So, where does this one lie in the pantheon of risk takers?


Though she has her number of naysayers, Angelina Jolie was born to play this role. She brings layers to a character that had never particularly captured my own affection. Admittedly, I was always more of an Ursula or Cruella de Vil fan, and even though she's guilty of chewing the scenery on a handful of occasions, Jolie manages to make you sympathize with the titular tragic villain whose heart may not be as dark as the original story from The Brothers Grimm would have you believe. This version of Maleficent has the right to be furious at the human race, and it can be argued that she is a stronger female role model than most modern day heroines (she's inarguably better than someone like Twilight's Bella Swan). Disney also must have listened to the masses' feedback about Sharlto Copley's villainous turn in last year's Elysium as well, since he plays the twisted and paranoid king whose slow descent into madness doesn't exactly inspire empathy from the public, be it in the theater or from his own servants. He may be difficult to understand for younger audiences though, but being from South Africa and attempting a Scottish/Irish/Brad Pitt-from-Snatch accent will do that to you. As for the supporting cast, Sam Riley, best known for playing Joy Division's Ian Curtis in Control, portrays Maleficent's right hand….erm, crow, and he's fine for what he is (he could be a dead ringer for Dominic Cooper or Orlando Bloom). The trio of the good fairies are all entertaining and more lively than I expected them to be (being led by the usually brilliant Imelda Staunton certainly helps), but goodness gracious, did all of their humorous bickering and banter have to feel like throwaway gags and routines from The Three Stooges? At least they weren't making Groucho Marx-style puns, otherwise I would have groaned rather audibly in the cinema hall…..actually, now that I've mentioned that, puns such as those would have been pretty awesome, if not incredibly out of place.


A large chunk of Maleficent's visual effects are pretty gorgeous to look at, if not flat out enchanting (makeup is provided by the extraordinarily talented Rick Baker). I went into the film initially having paid for a 3D experience, but the 2D reel was mistakenly played instead. While it didn't upset me in the slightest (I was given a refund for any future screening of my choice. Too bad this didn't happen with Rob Zombie's Halloween), I imagine that a three dimensional screening would have actually looked very impressive, post-conversion or not. From an all around visual standpoint, Maleficent looks pretty damn good and the cinematography is adequate. Great detail has gone into the wings of Jolie's character, and especially with her very elegant, if not slightly ghostly appearance, which is all the more fitting given that she has remained a mystery or myth to many simple-minded humansx. Part of me wonders how much of it actually comes from Angelina Jolie's natural beauty and how much came from computer generated imagery, and in this case, the perplexing nature of this works to the film's advantage.


While it seems like I'm fellating nearly everything related to this picture from that which surrounds Angelina Jolie, this does bring me to two rather vocal complaints that I have. First off, I get that your picture is called Maleficent, so naturally, you want her to be the main focus and be the most well-rounded and developed character. This is understandable. That being said, would it have been so hard to do this as well with your supporting cast? Aurora's presence doesn't feel nearly as important as it should, and even after the introduction of Prince Phillip (the man who would break the "Sleeping Beauty" curse in the source material), we don't get a good sense of who he is and why he cares for her. Yes yes, I know it's just storybook love, but I guess I just expected a bit more from this particular subplot, and I feel it detracts from all of the potential praise it could receive from critics and moviegoers alike.


The second criticism, and perhaps the oddest thing about Maleficent overall (well, odd by a fantasy movie's standards at least) is its criminally short running time. If I remember correctly, Disney has been hyping this particular re-imagining for close to, if not more than two years. With a case such as this, why make the final project a mere ninety seven minutes long? That is just absurd, and I felt a tad bit bamboozled when it seemed to just suddenly end. Something as grandiose as this deserves to at least cross the two hour mark. I do know that this particular motion picture went through several reshoots, so perhaps they're saving what was left on the cutting room floor for the presumably stacked Blu-Ray release to come.


Still, in terms of recent retellings of classic fairy tales and Disney lore, Maleficent stands above the competition (it is infinitely better than Tim Burton's messy 2010 version of Alice in Wonderland), if not a bit awkwardly. They've also accomplished the impossible by piquing my interest as to what the upcoming Kenneth Branagh-directed Cinderella will end up looking like.





Then again, I doubt it will have fire-breathing dragons, so it'll probably be less than stellar.

A Million Ways To Die In The West (2014) Review

Sheep farmer Albert Stark detests living in the mostly barren frontier of Old Stump, Arizona. In addition to nearly everything around you having the capability to end your life within seconds, he has also been dumped by his girlfriend Louise, most likely due to his recent withdrawal from a duel, which many, including her, perceive as an act of cowardice. Soon, Stark draws the ire of notorious gunfighter Clinch Leatherwood, and through unexpected and initially unrevealed sources, he will find the courage and skills needed in order to face this infamous outlaw, lest he be thought of as a meager quitter for the rest of his life.


I just don't know what to make of Seth MacFarlane these days. I initially thought the man was a genius (or at the very least, a very underrated writer and voiceover performer) who came across as rather intelligent and knowledgable, if not a bit smug. I was surprised by his humility and legitimate happiness over hearing of the revival of his animated (then) cult television program Family Guy, and was just as ecstatic as him when I heard of its resurrection. Hell, I even enjoyed his first writing and directing foray into live-action filmmaking with 2012's Ted. And yet, the man has been disappointing me immensely for the past decade or so in ways that you can't imagine. The aforementioned Family Guy has arguably been out of gas for its past few seasons (a now infamous lambasting from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn't help matters either), his other cartoon projects have been notoriously hit or miss, and the recently cancelled Seth Green vehicle Dads could go down as one of the absolute worst shows I've seen in my twenty eight years of existence. All of that hoopla aside, a large part of me was secretly interested in checking out MacFarlane's parody of the old western genre, the cleverly titled A Million Ways To Die In The West.


Regrettably, I think AMWTDITW (I am far too lazy to type this title multiple times, so you'll have to deal with this acronym) suffers from the same problem with the creator's more recent ventures, and that's just lazy, run-it-up-the-flagpole-style writing. And while I could normally nitpick and point out several large, glaring problems with films that I'm not too fond of or am immensely disappointed by, this really is the only major drawback, although it is a large one in the case of a comedy-based writer like MacFarlane. Nobody is phoning their performances in, and in fact, it seems that most of the cast are having a ball with one another (Charlize Theron and Sarah Silverman shine brightest). When a large chunk of your material, however, just isn't particularly strong, there is only so much that you can salvage in order to make it memorable for the general audiences who have paid to have good, boisterous laughs, and usually en masse. The mostly serious third act also does a near 180 for the film, and though it eventually leads to a relatively fun sequence involving psychedelic drug use with Native Americans, it feels klutzy in terms of transitioning and you can hear a pin drop in the theater in the build up to it.


AMWTDITW's heavy reliance on feces, urine, and fart jokes tends to wear thin after about the third time you're exposed to it. One wonders if perhaps they just couldn't come up with anything more clever in time (or were afraid of using the now-maligned "flashback" gag from Family Guy) and just figured that the average moviegoer can always find humor in anything coming out of the two holes below your belt. It's the type of lazy jokes that you expect from someone as lowbrow or idiotic as Marlon Wayans or Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, not the same man who was asked to host the Academy Awards one year ago. On the plus side, what isn't lowbrow is a pretty darn entertaining musical number led by Neil Patrick Harris (who seems to revel in playing a villain) and Stephen Foster that serves as an homage to the art of certain facial hair, and about how glorious it is. There are also a copious amount of cameos from who I can assume are some of MacFarlane's best friends from the liberal world of Hollywood, including one in the aforementioned drug sequence that gave me the biggest laugh overall. Sadly, a lot of the film's best gags were run into the ground by the overexposure of television spots and trailers for the picture, and most gags or antics elicit mere chuckles instead of guffaws.


You know what? After much debate, and even perusing through my own writing, Seth MacFarlane might be a genius after all. The man somehow managed to convince studio executives to make what essentially amounts to an uneven, two hour long episode of Family Guy with a forty million dollar budget. There is absolutely no reason that this couldn't have been of one of Seth's television shows. And before you say "he could have used this as an excuse to work with this famous actor or actress," I have to ask: why couldn't they have been recruited to do voiceover work instead? You're technically still in the same area or studio as them, and while you may not be able to do anything as memorable as physically kiss Charlize Theron or stick a flower up Liam Neeson's rectum (don't ask), you can still have the credentials on your resume if it is something sought after that much. At the end of the day, A Million Ways To Die In The West just makes you want to pat Seth MacFarlane on the back and say "well, you still have your other works. Better luck next time. Now it's time to go watch Blazing Saddles or Lust In The Dust and forget this whole thing ever happened."

Godzilla (2014) Review

In 1999, a strange, unexpected radiation accident occurs in the city of Janjira, Japan, annihilating a large chunk of its populace and the nuclear physicists working at its plant. Fifteen years later, survivor and former employee Joe Brody repeatedly attempts to convince his son that something is being hidden by forces at hand and the scientific powers that be. Within no time, two prehistoric monstrosities dating back to as far as 1954 emerge, and commence a tour of destruction around the globe. With the fate of the world and continuance of life on earth at stake, the military and scientists hope to lure the two separate beasts into battle with one another, hoping that man's ego will not be its undoing, and that the lesser of two evils is not truly evil.


As previously discussed in last year's review for the big-budget (stateside) bomb known as Pacific Rim, I am an avid, lifelong fan of kaiju eiga, which is very roughly translated to "giant monster films." In retrospect, Guillermo del Toro's love letter to the multiple niche worlds of my childhood was very fun, but not without very noticeable flaws. I was worried that in the United States, the interest for films of that nature had waned, especially since Pacific Rim was soundly beaten out at the box office by the strongly-maligned Adam Sandler-led abortion known as Grown Ups 2. Thankfully, the interest in director Gareth Edwards' reboot of the longest-running monster movie franchise seemed rather strong, and the addition of television stars like Bryan Cranston (Malcolm in the Middle, Breaking Bad) and soon-to-be megastars like Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kick-Ass, Nowhere Boy) and Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene, The Avengers: Age of Ultron) has stirred up more buzz than even I expected.


When it comes to the Godzilla franchise, the biased nerd in me can't hide the fact that most of the characters that don't tower over others by a sizable amount (i.e. the people squabbling among one another) are largely unmemorable, save for those in the original Gojira or arguably some in the latter installments from the Heisei or Millennium eras. True, they weren't necessarily terrible, but having horrendous dubbing tacked onto a good chunk of these performances didn't help matters, and could cause one to be extremely hesitant to even watch these flicks in their original Japanese formats. Thankfully, Max Borenstein, a relative newcomer to the movie business, puts together a fairly competent script with some standouts in the human realm. Even if he was the choice for "Best Actor" at the Japanese Academy Awards on two separate occasions, Ken Watanabe has always been a fairly underrated performer to me, and he turns in a pretty respectable and honest performance as Dr. Serizawa, one of the men unintentionally responsible for the events and catastrophes that unfold throughout the film. And before you ask, no, he is of no relation to Dr. Serizawa from the original Gojira. Stealing the show, however, is Bryan Cranston, who even with limited screen time, does a bang up job as Joe Brody, and he looks like he is genuinely invested in his character. Sadly, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen, who are both fine performers in their own right, don't have the greatest amount of depth to their characters of a husband and wife caught in the middle of the ensuing chaos, and it ends up being one of the weaker and more two-dimensional points of Borenstein's finished draft.


But I sincerely doubt that you're here to read about the human beings that were cast in this picture. You're here for the big, bipedal, grey and/or green guy and his newfound opponents. Well, I'm happy to report that Godzilla himself is more than adequately done, and in some ways, even puts previous iterations of the famous monster to shame. With an exponentially larger budget at hand, the King of the Monsters looks quite menacing, with scaly, darkened skin to match his lengthy tail and newly bulbous frame. This redesign, however, has enough of his original look intact to not alienate purists, and there is one very important trait that is also present, but the for the sake of spoilers, I will say nothing further. He is also HUMONGOUS, towering over nearly any creature that I've seen in recent memory, no matter the film genre. His nemesis for the film, the surprisingly well-explained creature named "Muto," is also a welcome addition to the franchise, looking akin to a combination of Godzilla 2000's villainous Orga, the titular insect queen from Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, and the well-hidden horror from Matt Reeves' Cloverfield. When the two behemoths clash, it isn't so much a fight as it is a monumental showdown between two forces of nature, and the battles that come about are, to put it lightly, freaking awesome, leaving the spectators below breathless and even eliciting occasional positive actions like applause and cheers in the right theater (they did in mine). Worth noting is the additional help from noted motion capture actor Andy Serkis (The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Rise of the Planet of the Apes), and his consultation breathes life into these quarrels that steer them away from the underwhelming or unrealistic departments. Well, as unrealistic as a giant monster movie goes at least.


I imagine that the largest problem Joe/Jane Schmo will have with Godzilla will lie in its decidedly selective use of the title creature himself. Without spoiling any chunk of the film's layout or plot, Godzilla doesn't make a full-bodied appearance until a decent amount of time of the motion picture has passed. This may draw the ire of some impatient attendees who want to see nothing but relentless fighting, but I actually commend this method and decision. With this, Godzilla doesn't just feel like another creature thrown into the mix and foray, but rather like something exceptional that you should strongly pay attention to. With every single moment, be it for several minutes or the entirety of the final act, you are in awe of his presence and your eyes are glued to the screen. It's a parallel to the technique of more calculated filmmakers to not overdo anything, because overexposing your main threat or creation lessens the overall impact. This "flooding" idea was admittedly a small problem that I had with Pacific Rim and a large problem with the 1998 American reboot of Godzilla. Then again, there are more problems with the latter than even I can find, and it could take up several posts if I chose to talk about that…..thing in further detail.


The newest, and hopefully not last entry in the realm of the creature nicknamed "The Big G" is not a perfect film, but I had real difficulty picking out any particular flaws or superfluous moments. Gareth Edwards and his group of merry men and women deserve a high five or a round of drinks for taking the giant monster movie formula and trying to concoct something fresh and unique, while still sticking true to its roots and beginning ideas of anti-war and the horrors of man. Further than that, there are a plethora of homages to established trademarks and popular series moments that long time admirers will be able to pick up with careful examination. If you're a fan of Godzilla with thoughts of doubt or hesitation, I'd be hard pressed to not recommend this to you. If you're a casual moviegoer, I still think this makes for a wonderfully fun time, no matter the time or format you choose to see it in. Hell, I was even willing to ignore my apathetic attitude towards 3-D pictures, and chose to make this my first IMAX experience, which was something I did not regret, and it can enhance the enjoyment even further, as it truly captures the size and spectacle of the entire story. Perhaps with the release of Godzilla and Captain America: The Winter Soldier, this year might not be too shabby for big budget bonanzas after all.




Then again, we are getting a fourth entry in the Transformers franchise. Oy vey.

Neighbors (2014) Review

New parents Mac and Kelly Radner have settled into a relatively sedated, quiet, and mostly risk-free life. Instead of partaking in excess or celebrations with coworkers and acquaintances, they hesitantly stay home and play with their daughter. During one particular afternoon, the Radners witness a sizable fraternity, the notoriously rowdy and audible Delta Psi, moving in next door. Over the coming days, the couple begin to face a magnitude of problems from their new nearby residents, and sooner or later, it could mean trouble for all involved.


Before I attempt to type several cohesive or readable paragraphs for Neighbors, I must preface this review by getting one thing off of my chest: I really, REALLY do not like fraternities. Though I am slowly approaching the wonderful age of thirty, and still do love to occasionally party or have a generally good time with friends and cohorts, I've never seen the appeal of a fraternity or "frat house." I always assumed that most of the people found throughout were cro-magnon dullards with no sense of how to act outside in the normal world, and their choice of music to blare was far too obnoxious for my taste. Then again, I am the one going to the oh-so-pleasantly named Maryland Death Fest for the third time within two weeks, so this is obviously up for debate.


For the purists and general worrywarts reading, you can rest easy knowing that this has no relation to the 1981 comedy of the same name, which starred John Belushi (no stranger to the realm of movies featuring fraternities) and comic legend Dan Aykroyd, pre-going insane and thinking that UFOs are real. This flick's original titles included Townies and Bad Neighbors, and I can assume that the latter was nixed due to a very similarly titled episode of The Simpsons that exists, wherein Bart and Homer commence a prank war with new neighbor George H.W. Bush. Come to think of it, that particular episode shares quite a bit in common with this motion picture, at least in terms of one house playing outrageous practical jokes on another and the old guard feuding with a "fresher" and unexpectedly louder crew of people. True, that particular prank war was limited to what Fox would allow, and I'm sure that some of the vulgar and admittedly hilarious moments seen here (it earns its "R" rating and then some), along with the equally amusing struggles of reluctantly growing up, could have meant cancelation for that series during its prime (as opposed to now, when we desperately need it to occur). Seth Rogen and wife Rose Byrne play a fairly fun older couple who don't seem to be as content with living a newer life than one would expect, even if one has to suspend their disbelief that Rogen and Byrne would ever be married, even on film. There's also a plethora of comedic talent around them, including James Franco's younger brother Dave, Hannibal Buress, and an abundance of cameos that you may miss if you blink once or twice, or if you're not a regular television viewer. Heck, it even manages to pull out an entertaining and earnest performance from Zac Efron.


On the subject of all things sincere, I've harped on before about nearly all previous projects from the duo of Evan Goldberg & Seth Rogen not being without heart, but as with their last theatrical release, the quite riotous This is The End, this particular one doesn't throw you a sudden curveball and get overly sentimental or go from zero to one hundred in the realm of awkwardness. True, it isn't without feelings or a heart, and does a surprisingly good job at humanizing the two main fraternity heads (Zac Efron and Dave Franco) without it feeling forced, but it seems to retreat back from ever baring too many emotions and jumps right back into the "dick, vagina, and fart joke" formula that is guaranteed money with this fanbase. Sadly, this does present a minor problem. Neighbors doesn't quite know who you should be feeling empathy towards, as both parties do have their ups and downs, and its own younger audience may leave feeling conflicted or disappointed with some of outcomes in the third act. I know that Goldberg and Rogen didn't have much or any involvement whatsoever with the script here, and it does tend to show once you discover this little fact. Not every joke manages to hit it out of the park, and nothing even comes close to the (arguable) brilliance of earlier efforts like Superbad or Knocked Up. Thankfully, Rose Byrne is infinitely more relatable and MUCH funnier to watch and listen to than the throughly annoying Katherine Heigl, and I'd go so far as to say this is the Australian actress' finest comedic performance to date. I should think that the aforementioned statement alone may raise its chances of a repeat viewing tenfold, even if it isn't an immediate one.


As with any fairly well made motion picture, Nicholas Stoller's Neighbors does try to challenge your own opinions and conceptions of this curiously popular culture, or even of settling down into the opposite end of the spectrum for what most consider a boring lifestyle called adulthood. In some regards, it could cause the more uptight folks walking into a screening to change their own minds. I haven't seen many comedies at all in 2014, but I do plan on changing that over the course of the next two weeks (though I must pry myself away from the WWE Network). So far, Neighbors isn't a bad way to start off a season that will contain blazingly hot temperatures or pollen driving you berserk. If you have a free afternoon and aren't basking in the glory of the sun, or just want some fairly sick laughs from a film that provides a dildo fight and Seth Rogen having to milk another human being, give this one a whirl.





…….I sure do hope that I never have to type the words "dildo fight" in any future reviews. Or give anyone the thought of Seth Rogen milking somebody who is lactating…….


…….Sorry…...

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Review

Peter Parker and girlfriend Gwen Stacy have just graduated high school, with the latter taking top honors and in the running for a prestigious overseas program. Coincidentally, an old friend of Peter's named Harry Osborn reemerges, who is now running multinational corporation Oscorp after the passing of his father Norman. While Peter attempts to balance life as New York's infamous hero Spider-Man along with maintaining a very cautious relationship, he begins to dig for additional clues as to the whereabouts of his parents. Within a short amount of time, new threats to the city surface, and may have closer ties to the Parkers than one initially realizes.


Despite writing a rather wordy and relatively lengthy review only two years ago, I have virtually no recollection of The Amazing Spider-Man, Paramount Pictures' reboot of everybody's favorite wall-crawling superhero (he barely beats out The Human Fly). So much so that I had to search through my own blog in order to remember certain things that happened in the prior movie that I may have missed or forgotten about. Was this a fault of the film itself? Was this a fault of my age possibly catching up to me? Or can I just not contain enough banal information that doesn't benefit me in times outside of typing for this little blog? Whatever the case, I cautiously approached its sequel, the obviously titled The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and I wondered if in another two years, I'll have the same problem with this installment.


Thankfully, I will always be able to remember that I do quite like Andrew Garfield's portrayal of Peter Parker. No disrespect to Tobey Maguire, as he is a very talented actor in his own right, but I was never fully entertained with the effort he put forth into the first three films (aka "The Raimi Trilogy") from the previous decade. Garfield seems to breathe life into Peter, making him feel a lot more well-rounded, with just as many faults and annoyances as his comic book counterpart possesses. He feels more comfortable and amused playing a character like this, though his chemistry with Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy, who coincidentally is Garfield's girlfriend outside of the motion picture world, seems to be lacking for most of ASM2's running time. I know that the idea to cut the character of Mary-Jane Watson, whose actress had filmed multiple sequences, was a last minute decision of the collective group of filmmakers, and you can sense a bit of that emptiness throughout. Perhaps there was something in addition to these issues going on behind the scenes that we're unaware of, or perhaps it can be blamed that their on-again/off-again relationship problems was just one of several plots getting lost in the shuffle.


And if we're going to discuss said plots, we could be here all night debating about what went right, and what went very wrong. One of the fears I had when walking in was the overabundance of villains for the titular hero to face off with. First, there's Jamie Foxx's Max Dillon, who takes up the mantle of Electro after he is accidentally mutated into a living generator with horrifying, nearly god-like powers. If you're wondering why in the world they chose to go with Foxx looking like a CGI-laden version of the young man from Powder, then I can't exactly give you a straight answer, especially since his inclusion in this project doesn't truly have any strong bearing on the main focus of the flick (if there is one), though his first encounter with Spider-Man does bring about a visually stunning and fun battle in New York City's Times Square. Right behind him is Paul Giamatti's "Rhino," who is the very definition of a macguffin in every way, shape, or form. The very question of why that particular character was even needed is something that may lack a proper response, and he could have easily been left on the cutting room floor. And then, there's Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn, which was easily my most anticipated, and yet LEAST anticipated inclusion in this sequel, as I felt it was too soon to include Harry as a main villain while shuffling Norman off to the side. If you've visited this blog before, you're aware of my adoration for Chronicle, which featured the relatively unknown Dehaan as a sympathetic and tragic villain. The downfall of this performance isn't the fault of the actor, but instead the bloated script. We never get that feeling that he and Peter were true childhood friends, and when Osborn finally does begin to lose his mind and show symptoms of becoming the Green Goblin (who I'm convinced will never be done properly on film), it feels astonishingly rushed and unnecessary.


Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is an impossible feat to make a feature, be it comic book-related or not, that is heavy on villain inclusion and multiple stories intertwining, but can still be cohesive without falling on its own face. Look at Sin City and X-Men: First Class as superior examples. Yes, the former's style format (a neo-noir anthology) may exclude it from a true comparison to TASM2, but it is based on a comic book franchise that ran for several years, so I feel the need to bring it up. I'm aware of the world of "fan edits" out there in the wonderful place called the internet, and think that removing the former two enemies from this motion picture increases its enjoyment and quality tenfold. I did also mention TASM2's multiple plots floating around, and trying to keep track of every single one of these side stories (what happened to Peter's parents, Electro's background and birth, Harry Osborn's return to Oscorp, Gwen Stacy potentially going to school overseas, Aunt May struggling to pay bills, Peter and Gwen's relationship) starts to give you a headache that no amount of pills can help. How they will be able to pull off an entry in this new franchise featuring the Sinister Six is a true mystery to me.


There's also the argument of "just go with it," meaning that you can always ignore any potential faults and treat it as pure, sweet-toothed entertainment. An argument such as that may actually be your path to enjoying the final cut seen here. Heck, I was able to look past a lot of the shortcomings and problems that most audiences had with other Marvel-related properties like Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 3. Personally, I've always wanted a truly great, or even near-perfect Spider-Man movie (I still think 2004's Spider-Man 2 has been the best entry to include ol' webhead), and I think that in the hands of a more experienced director or writer, this could be accomplished within no time at all. At least they would have more sense to write some better dialogue and not include a mostly cringe-inducing soundtrack, though the pieces belonging to Hans Zimmer that we hear on occasion are quite excellent. One particular segment in the final act of the flick could be, and should be, isolated solely due to its memorable combination of haunting vibes from the score and great cinematography. It almost makes up for the larger chunk of said act being clunky.


The greatest accomplishment to come from watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is that it just makes you pine for another showing of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is oddly enough, at the time of this review, still playing in most theaters across the world. It isn't a particularly bad film whatsoever (it is MILES ahead of the widely-loathed and spectacularly messy Spider-Man 3), but you just feel that director Marc Webb, noted producer Avi Arad, and the assorted crew and writers working together tried to balance too many things at once, and ultimately ended up cramming too many characters and stories into a film that barely passes the two hour mark. It is the movie equivalent of a "pretty okay" band you see at a random concert. There are several memorable moments that lead you to believe that greatness lies beneath, but ultimately you come out saying that it could use some work or retooling, and can't quite recommend it to your friends.




And for those of you asking, don't bother sticking around for any potential mid-credits or post-credits sequences. The one that we do receive feels more like an advertisement rather than anything significant or vital. For that matter, it is cross-promotion from another studio that apparently doesn't know about the term "preaching to the converted," and thinks that major movie audiences have the memory of a goldfish and prefer to pick and choose their Marvel Comics properties in a day and age where geek culture reigns supreme.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Review

Two years after the Avengers' monumental battle with Loki in New York City, Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, is struggling to fit in and adjust to modern society. After helping secure and free a S.H.I.E.L.D.-occupied ship under peculiar circumstances, he meets with leader Nick Fury. While there, he is introduced to Project Incite, a series of helicarriers designed to monitor and eliminate future threats to the world. However, when a new enemy nicknamed "The Winter Soldier" emerges, Rogers dives into deeper territory than he ever expected to, and uncovers secrets of S.H.I.E.L.D. that could rock the organization to its very core.


It took me a great deal of time (well, realistically it was only two years) to label myself as a fan of the first "real" Captain America film in 2011. Perhaps I had set my expectations too high after the rather entertaining Thor, or perhaps I just suspected that this would serve as nothing more than a stepping stone to the quite excellent The Avengers, down to including a teaser trailer for the latter in its post-credits scene. Thankfully, I found it to be a lot more entertaining after a second and third viewing, and would actually go so far to call it a very underrated comic book film, even if it did end up bringing in over three hundred million dollars globally.


Captain America: The Winter Soldier shares only a handful of things in common with the first film. For one, the previous picture felt more like a throwback and love letter to the golden age of adventure stories, be they in written form or motion pictures. I imagine that this choice is why it seemed to make or break it for many people, but it was something you had to warm up to, especially since it came from the director of another golden age homage from the 90s called The Rocketeer. For the sequel, however, this is Captain America having to get used to this day and age being a thing of the past, and having to come to the sudden realization that this is a drastically different world we live in, be it for better or worse.


After the screening wrapped up, I had multiple thoughts running through my head. The main one that stuck out was the following: much like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine and Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man, Chris Evans IS Captain America. True, Jackman's own adventures as Logan have been very debatable in terms of quality (though the poor end results of X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine aren't really his fault), but Evans just hits it out of the park, and I don't want to see the mantle passed to anybody else. This might be all the more fitting given that Evans was recently quoted as saying that he'd like to retire from acting once his contract with Marvel Studios has run up (and it sounds like he has no qualms with playing the character). Personally, I wouldn't fault him for doing it. This is very likely going to his legacy, and despite his very entertaining performance in The Avengers, I believe that this is what people will fondly remember him for. Like a true team player, he doesn't completely upstage anybody surrounding or supporting him. Scarlett Johansson's performance as Black Widow has also shockingly grown on me more than I expected, though she does have a few "cornball" lines here and there. Then again, when noted feminist Joss Whedon isn't writing your dialogue this time around, that may not come as a huge surprise. Veteran actors like Robert Redford (playing a very curious senior S.H.I.E.L.D. official) also show up, lending a helping hand and increasing the "legitimacy" of the picture.


For all of the talk about the characters being portrayed excellently, there's also a damn fine story to go along with it. The Winter Soldier sports a surprisingly well-structed and smart narrative packed full of political intrigue that mercifully doesn't alienate or confuse its audience. It does require you to have a fairly decent memory of the first film though, which can compromise some of the overall enjoyment. And while The Avengers sported some outrageously expensive-looking and thrilling action sequences, this picture's action sequences could arguably rival its predecessor's and at times, surpass it with flying colors. Where I complained two weeks ago about a film like Sabotage being rather lazily shot and puzzlingly clumsy, The Winter Soldier's cinematography is anything but. There are an incredible amount of bullets sprayed and no lack of body parts struck by other body parts, but all of it is quite clear and expertly done (kudos to one Trent Opaloch, who also worked on science fiction pieces like District 9 and Elysium). The fact that even smaller characters such as Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury get a time to shine and their sequences are all the more memorable as some featuring the main cast is a testament to how great this motion picture truly is.


If you had told me that a film directed by the same men who directed the usually-forgotten comedy You, Me, and Dupree would end up delivering what may have been my favorite Marvel Studios picture to date, I would have asked for you to be shaved, sterilized, and shot into space. If you had told me that it is arguably one of the best films in this still-maligned and unfairly mocked genre since 2008's The Dark Knight, again, I would have scoffed at you. But my goodness, Captain America: The Winter Soldier delivers on nearly everything you want in a bigger-budget picture without forsaking its brain. It's a necessary viewing for those who don't believe that niche or "geeky" properties can please both sides of the spectrum and it raises the bar on this special little medium we have and usually adore.


And yes, you should stay for the mid-credits and post-credits scene. They're both quite excellent.