A Million Ways To Die In The West (2014) Review

Sheep farmer Albert Stark detests living in the mostly barren frontier of Old Stump, Arizona. In addition to nearly everything around you having the capability to end your life within seconds, he has also been dumped by his girlfriend Louise, most likely due to his recent withdrawal from a duel, which many, including her, perceive as an act of cowardice. Soon, Stark draws the ire of notorious gunfighter Clinch Leatherwood, and through unexpected and initially unrevealed sources, he will find the courage and skills needed in order to face this infamous outlaw, lest he be thought of as a meager quitter for the rest of his life.


I just don't know what to make of Seth MacFarlane these days. I initially thought the man was a genius (or at the very least, a very underrated writer and voiceover performer) who came across as rather intelligent and knowledgable, if not a bit smug. I was surprised by his humility and legitimate happiness over hearing of the revival of his animated (then) cult television program Family Guy, and was just as ecstatic as him when I heard of its resurrection. Hell, I even enjoyed his first writing and directing foray into live-action filmmaking with 2012's Ted. And yet, the man has been disappointing me immensely for the past decade or so in ways that you can't imagine. The aforementioned Family Guy has arguably been out of gas for its past few seasons (a now infamous lambasting from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone didn't help matters either), his other cartoon projects have been notoriously hit or miss, and the recently cancelled Seth Green vehicle Dads could go down as one of the absolute worst shows I've seen in my twenty eight years of existence. All of that hoopla aside, a large part of me was secretly interested in checking out MacFarlane's parody of the old western genre, the cleverly titled A Million Ways To Die In The West.


Regrettably, I think AMWTDITW (I am far too lazy to type this title multiple times, so you'll have to deal with this acronym) suffers from the same problem with the creator's more recent ventures, and that's just lazy, run-it-up-the-flagpole-style writing. And while I could normally nitpick and point out several large, glaring problems with films that I'm not too fond of or am immensely disappointed by, this really is the only major drawback, although it is a large one in the case of a comedy-based writer like MacFarlane. Nobody is phoning their performances in, and in fact, it seems that most of the cast are having a ball with one another (Charlize Theron and Sarah Silverman shine brightest). When a large chunk of your material, however, just isn't particularly strong, there is only so much that you can salvage in order to make it memorable for the general audiences who have paid to have good, boisterous laughs, and usually en masse. The mostly serious third act also does a near 180 for the film, and though it eventually leads to a relatively fun sequence involving psychedelic drug use with Native Americans, it feels klutzy in terms of transitioning and you can hear a pin drop in the theater in the build up to it.


AMWTDITW's heavy reliance on feces, urine, and fart jokes tends to wear thin after about the third time you're exposed to it. One wonders if perhaps they just couldn't come up with anything more clever in time (or were afraid of using the now-maligned "flashback" gag from Family Guy) and just figured that the average moviegoer can always find humor in anything coming out of the two holes below your belt. It's the type of lazy jokes that you expect from someone as lowbrow or idiotic as Marlon Wayans or Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, not the same man who was asked to host the Academy Awards one year ago. On the plus side, what isn't lowbrow is a pretty darn entertaining musical number led by Neil Patrick Harris (who seems to revel in playing a villain) and Stephen Foster that serves as an homage to the art of certain facial hair, and about how glorious it is. There are also a copious amount of cameos from who I can assume are some of MacFarlane's best friends from the liberal world of Hollywood, including one in the aforementioned drug sequence that gave me the biggest laugh overall. Sadly, a lot of the film's best gags were run into the ground by the overexposure of television spots and trailers for the picture, and most gags or antics elicit mere chuckles instead of guffaws.


You know what? After much debate, and even perusing through my own writing, Seth MacFarlane might be a genius after all. The man somehow managed to convince studio executives to make what essentially amounts to an uneven, two hour long episode of Family Guy with a forty million dollar budget. There is absolutely no reason that this couldn't have been of one of Seth's television shows. And before you say "he could have used this as an excuse to work with this famous actor or actress," I have to ask: why couldn't they have been recruited to do voiceover work instead? You're technically still in the same area or studio as them, and while you may not be able to do anything as memorable as physically kiss Charlize Theron or stick a flower up Liam Neeson's rectum (don't ask), you can still have the credentials on your resume if it is something sought after that much. At the end of the day, A Million Ways To Die In The West just makes you want to pat Seth MacFarlane on the back and say "well, you still have your other works. Better luck next time. Now it's time to go watch Blazing Saddles or Lust In The Dust and forget this whole thing ever happened."

Godzilla (2014) Review

In 1999, a strange, unexpected radiation accident occurs in the city of Janjira, Japan, annihilating a large chunk of its populace and the nuclear physicists working at its plant. Fifteen years later, survivor and former employee Joe Brody repeatedly attempts to convince his son that something is being hidden by forces at hand and the scientific powers that be. Within no time, two prehistoric monstrosities dating back to as far as 1954 emerge, and commence a tour of destruction around the globe. With the fate of the world and continuance of life on earth at stake, the military and scientists hope to lure the two separate beasts into battle with one another, hoping that man's ego will not be its undoing, and that the lesser of two evils is not truly evil.


As previously discussed in last year's review for the big-budget (stateside) bomb known as Pacific Rim, I am an avid, lifelong fan of kaiju eiga, which is very roughly translated to "giant monster films." In retrospect, Guillermo del Toro's love letter to the multiple niche worlds of my childhood was very fun, but not without very noticeable flaws. I was worried that in the United States, the interest for films of that nature had waned, especially since Pacific Rim was soundly beaten out at the box office by the strongly-maligned Adam Sandler-led abortion known as Grown Ups 2. Thankfully, the interest in director Gareth Edwards' reboot of the longest-running monster movie franchise seemed rather strong, and the addition of television stars like Bryan Cranston (Malcolm in the Middle, Breaking Bad) and soon-to-be megastars like Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kick-Ass, Nowhere Boy) and Elizabeth Olsen (Martha Marcy May Marlene, The Avengers: Age of Ultron) has stirred up more buzz than even I expected.


When it comes to the Godzilla franchise, the biased nerd in me can't hide the fact that most of the characters that don't tower over others by a sizable amount (i.e. the people squabbling among one another) are largely unmemorable, save for those in the original Gojira or arguably some in the latter installments from the Heisei or Millennium eras. True, they weren't necessarily terrible, but having horrendous dubbing tacked onto a good chunk of these performances didn't help matters, and could cause one to be extremely hesitant to even watch these flicks in their original Japanese formats. Thankfully, Max Borenstein, a relative newcomer to the movie business, puts together a fairly competent script with some standouts in the human realm. Even if he was the choice for "Best Actor" at the Japanese Academy Awards on two separate occasions, Ken Watanabe has always been a fairly underrated performer to me, and he turns in a pretty respectable and honest performance as Dr. Serizawa, one of the men unintentionally responsible for the events and catastrophes that unfold throughout the film. And before you ask, no, he is of no relation to Dr. Serizawa from the original Gojira. Stealing the show, however, is Bryan Cranston, who even with limited screen time, does a bang up job as Joe Brody, and he looks like he is genuinely invested in his character. Sadly, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen, who are both fine performers in their own right, don't have the greatest amount of depth to their characters of a husband and wife caught in the middle of the ensuing chaos, and it ends up being one of the weaker and more two-dimensional points of Borenstein's finished draft.


But I sincerely doubt that you're here to read about the human beings that were cast in this picture. You're here for the big, bipedal, grey and/or green guy and his newfound opponents. Well, I'm happy to report that Godzilla himself is more than adequately done, and in some ways, even puts previous iterations of the famous monster to shame. With an exponentially larger budget at hand, the King of the Monsters looks quite menacing, with scaly, darkened skin to match his lengthy tail and newly bulbous frame. This redesign, however, has enough of his original look intact to not alienate purists, and there is one very important trait that is also present, but the for the sake of spoilers, I will say nothing further. He is also HUMONGOUS, towering over nearly any creature that I've seen in recent memory, no matter the film genre. His nemesis for the film, the surprisingly well-explained creature named "Muto," is also a welcome addition to the franchise, looking akin to a combination of Godzilla 2000's villainous Orga, the titular insect queen from Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, and the well-hidden horror from Matt Reeves' Cloverfield. When the two behemoths clash, it isn't so much a fight as it is a monumental showdown between two forces of nature, and the battles that come about are, to put it lightly, freaking awesome, leaving the spectators below breathless and even eliciting occasional positive actions like applause and cheers in the right theater (they did in mine). Worth noting is the additional help from noted motion capture actor Andy Serkis (The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Rise of the Planet of the Apes), and his consultation breathes life into these quarrels that steer them away from the underwhelming or unrealistic departments. Well, as unrealistic as a giant monster movie goes at least.


I imagine that the largest problem Joe/Jane Schmo will have with Godzilla will lie in its decidedly selective use of the title creature himself. Without spoiling any chunk of the film's layout or plot, Godzilla doesn't make a full-bodied appearance until a decent amount of time of the motion picture has passed. This may draw the ire of some impatient attendees who want to see nothing but relentless fighting, but I actually commend this method and decision. With this, Godzilla doesn't just feel like another creature thrown into the mix and foray, but rather like something exceptional that you should strongly pay attention to. With every single moment, be it for several minutes or the entirety of the final act, you are in awe of his presence and your eyes are glued to the screen. It's a parallel to the technique of more calculated filmmakers to not overdo anything, because overexposing your main threat or creation lessens the overall impact. This "flooding" idea was admittedly a small problem that I had with Pacific Rim and a large problem with the 1998 American reboot of Godzilla. Then again, there are more problems with the latter than even I can find, and it could take up several posts if I chose to talk about that…..thing in further detail.


The newest, and hopefully not last entry in the realm of the creature nicknamed "The Big G" is not a perfect film, but I had real difficulty picking out any particular flaws or superfluous moments. Gareth Edwards and his group of merry men and women deserve a high five or a round of drinks for taking the giant monster movie formula and trying to concoct something fresh and unique, while still sticking true to its roots and beginning ideas of anti-war and the horrors of man. Further than that, there are a plethora of homages to established trademarks and popular series moments that long time admirers will be able to pick up with careful examination. If you're a fan of Godzilla with thoughts of doubt or hesitation, I'd be hard pressed to not recommend this to you. If you're a casual moviegoer, I still think this makes for a wonderfully fun time, no matter the time or format you choose to see it in. Hell, I was even willing to ignore my apathetic attitude towards 3-D pictures, and chose to make this my first IMAX experience, which was something I did not regret, and it can enhance the enjoyment even further, as it truly captures the size and spectacle of the entire story. Perhaps with the release of Godzilla and Captain America: The Winter Soldier, this year might not be too shabby for big budget bonanzas after all.




Then again, we are getting a fourth entry in the Transformers franchise. Oy vey.

Neighbors (2014) Review

New parents Mac and Kelly Radner have settled into a relatively sedated, quiet, and mostly risk-free life. Instead of partaking in excess or celebrations with coworkers and acquaintances, they hesitantly stay home and play with their daughter. During one particular afternoon, the Radners witness a sizable fraternity, the notoriously rowdy and audible Delta Psi, moving in next door. Over the coming days, the couple begin to face a magnitude of problems from their new nearby residents, and sooner or later, it could mean trouble for all involved.


Before I attempt to type several cohesive or readable paragraphs for Neighbors, I must preface this review by getting one thing off of my chest: I really, REALLY do not like fraternities. Though I am slowly approaching the wonderful age of thirty, and still do love to occasionally party or have a generally good time with friends and cohorts, I've never seen the appeal of a fraternity or "frat house." I always assumed that most of the people found throughout were cro-magnon dullards with no sense of how to act outside in the normal world, and their choice of music to blare was far too obnoxious for my taste. Then again, I am the one going to the oh-so-pleasantly named Maryland Death Fest for the third time within two weeks, so this is obviously up for debate.


For the purists and general worrywarts reading, you can rest easy knowing that this has no relation to the 1981 comedy of the same name, which starred John Belushi (no stranger to the realm of movies featuring fraternities) and comic legend Dan Aykroyd, pre-going insane and thinking that UFOs are real. This flick's original titles included Townies and Bad Neighbors, and I can assume that the latter was nixed due to a very similarly titled episode of The Simpsons that exists, wherein Bart and Homer commence a prank war with new neighbor George H.W. Bush. Come to think of it, that particular episode shares quite a bit in common with this motion picture, at least in terms of one house playing outrageous practical jokes on another and the old guard feuding with a "fresher" and unexpectedly louder crew of people. True, that particular prank war was limited to what Fox would allow, and I'm sure that some of the vulgar and admittedly hilarious moments seen here (it earns its "R" rating and then some), along with the equally amusing struggles of reluctantly growing up, could have meant cancelation for that series during its prime (as opposed to now, when we desperately need it to occur). Seth Rogen and wife Rose Byrne play a fairly fun older couple who don't seem to be as content with living a newer life than one would expect, even if one has to suspend their disbelief that Rogen and Byrne would ever be married, even on film. There's also a plethora of comedic talent around them, including James Franco's younger brother Dave, Hannibal Buress, and an abundance of cameos that you may miss if you blink once or twice, or if you're not a regular television viewer. Heck, it even manages to pull out an entertaining and earnest performance from Zac Efron.


On the subject of all things sincere, I've harped on before about nearly all previous projects from the duo of Evan Goldberg & Seth Rogen not being without heart, but as with their last theatrical release, the quite riotous This is The End, this particular one doesn't throw you a sudden curveball and get overly sentimental or go from zero to one hundred in the realm of awkwardness. True, it isn't without feelings or a heart, and does a surprisingly good job at humanizing the two main fraternity heads (Zac Efron and Dave Franco) without it feeling forced, but it seems to retreat back from ever baring too many emotions and jumps right back into the "dick, vagina, and fart joke" formula that is guaranteed money with this fanbase. Sadly, this does present a minor problem. Neighbors doesn't quite know who you should be feeling empathy towards, as both parties do have their ups and downs, and its own younger audience may leave feeling conflicted or disappointed with some of outcomes in the third act. I know that Goldberg and Rogen didn't have much or any involvement whatsoever with the script here, and it does tend to show once you discover this little fact. Not every joke manages to hit it out of the park, and nothing even comes close to the (arguable) brilliance of earlier efforts like Superbad or Knocked Up. Thankfully, Rose Byrne is infinitely more relatable and MUCH funnier to watch and listen to than the throughly annoying Katherine Heigl, and I'd go so far as to say this is the Australian actress' finest comedic performance to date. I should think that the aforementioned statement alone may raise its chances of a repeat viewing tenfold, even if it isn't an immediate one.


As with any fairly well made motion picture, Nicholas Stoller's Neighbors does try to challenge your own opinions and conceptions of this curiously popular culture, or even of settling down into the opposite end of the spectrum for what most consider a boring lifestyle called adulthood. In some regards, it could cause the more uptight folks walking into a screening to change their own minds. I haven't seen many comedies at all in 2014, but I do plan on changing that over the course of the next two weeks (though I must pry myself away from the WWE Network). So far, Neighbors isn't a bad way to start off a season that will contain blazingly hot temperatures or pollen driving you berserk. If you have a free afternoon and aren't basking in the glory of the sun, or just want some fairly sick laughs from a film that provides a dildo fight and Seth Rogen having to milk another human being, give this one a whirl.





…….I sure do hope that I never have to type the words "dildo fight" in any future reviews. Or give anyone the thought of Seth Rogen milking somebody who is lactating…….


…….Sorry…...

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Review

Peter Parker and girlfriend Gwen Stacy have just graduated high school, with the latter taking top honors and in the running for a prestigious overseas program. Coincidentally, an old friend of Peter's named Harry Osborn reemerges, who is now running multinational corporation Oscorp after the passing of his father Norman. While Peter attempts to balance life as New York's infamous hero Spider-Man along with maintaining a very cautious relationship, he begins to dig for additional clues as to the whereabouts of his parents. Within a short amount of time, new threats to the city surface, and may have closer ties to the Parkers than one initially realizes.


Despite writing a rather wordy and relatively lengthy review only two years ago, I have virtually no recollection of The Amazing Spider-Man, Paramount Pictures' reboot of everybody's favorite wall-crawling superhero (he barely beats out The Human Fly). So much so that I had to search through my own blog in order to remember certain things that happened in the prior movie that I may have missed or forgotten about. Was this a fault of the film itself? Was this a fault of my age possibly catching up to me? Or can I just not contain enough banal information that doesn't benefit me in times outside of typing for this little blog? Whatever the case, I cautiously approached its sequel, the obviously titled The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and I wondered if in another two years, I'll have the same problem with this installment.


Thankfully, I will always be able to remember that I do quite like Andrew Garfield's portrayal of Peter Parker. No disrespect to Tobey Maguire, as he is a very talented actor in his own right, but I was never fully entertained with the effort he put forth into the first three films (aka "The Raimi Trilogy") from the previous decade. Garfield seems to breathe life into Peter, making him feel a lot more well-rounded, with just as many faults and annoyances as his comic book counterpart possesses. He feels more comfortable and amused playing a character like this, though his chemistry with Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy, who coincidentally is Garfield's girlfriend outside of the motion picture world, seems to be lacking for most of ASM2's running time. I know that the idea to cut the character of Mary-Jane Watson, whose actress had filmed multiple sequences, was a last minute decision of the collective group of filmmakers, and you can sense a bit of that emptiness throughout. Perhaps there was something in addition to these issues going on behind the scenes that we're unaware of, or perhaps it can be blamed that their on-again/off-again relationship problems was just one of several plots getting lost in the shuffle.


And if we're going to discuss said plots, we could be here all night debating about what went right, and what went very wrong. One of the fears I had when walking in was the overabundance of villains for the titular hero to face off with. First, there's Jamie Foxx's Max Dillon, who takes up the mantle of Electro after he is accidentally mutated into a living generator with horrifying, nearly god-like powers. If you're wondering why in the world they chose to go with Foxx looking like a CGI-laden version of the young man from Powder, then I can't exactly give you a straight answer, especially since his inclusion in this project doesn't truly have any strong bearing on the main focus of the flick (if there is one), though his first encounter with Spider-Man does bring about a visually stunning and fun battle in New York City's Times Square. Right behind him is Paul Giamatti's "Rhino," who is the very definition of a macguffin in every way, shape, or form. The very question of why that particular character was even needed is something that may lack a proper response, and he could have easily been left on the cutting room floor. And then, there's Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn, which was easily my most anticipated, and yet LEAST anticipated inclusion in this sequel, as I felt it was too soon to include Harry as a main villain while shuffling Norman off to the side. If you've visited this blog before, you're aware of my adoration for Chronicle, which featured the relatively unknown Dehaan as a sympathetic and tragic villain. The downfall of this performance isn't the fault of the actor, but instead the bloated script. We never get that feeling that he and Peter were true childhood friends, and when Osborn finally does begin to lose his mind and show symptoms of becoming the Green Goblin (who I'm convinced will never be done properly on film), it feels astonishingly rushed and unnecessary.


Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is an impossible feat to make a feature, be it comic book-related or not, that is heavy on villain inclusion and multiple stories intertwining, but can still be cohesive without falling on its own face. Look at Sin City and X-Men: First Class as superior examples. Yes, the former's style format (a neo-noir anthology) may exclude it from a true comparison to TASM2, but it is based on a comic book franchise that ran for several years, so I feel the need to bring it up. I'm aware of the world of "fan edits" out there in the wonderful place called the internet, and think that removing the former two enemies from this motion picture increases its enjoyment and quality tenfold. I did also mention TASM2's multiple plots floating around, and trying to keep track of every single one of these side stories (what happened to Peter's parents, Electro's background and birth, Harry Osborn's return to Oscorp, Gwen Stacy potentially going to school overseas, Aunt May struggling to pay bills, Peter and Gwen's relationship) starts to give you a headache that no amount of pills can help. How they will be able to pull off an entry in this new franchise featuring the Sinister Six is a true mystery to me.


There's also the argument of "just go with it," meaning that you can always ignore any potential faults and treat it as pure, sweet-toothed entertainment. An argument such as that may actually be your path to enjoying the final cut seen here. Heck, I was able to look past a lot of the shortcomings and problems that most audiences had with other Marvel-related properties like Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 3. Personally, I've always wanted a truly great, or even near-perfect Spider-Man movie (I still think 2004's Spider-Man 2 has been the best entry to include ol' webhead), and I think that in the hands of a more experienced director or writer, this could be accomplished within no time at all. At least they would have more sense to write some better dialogue and not include a mostly cringe-inducing soundtrack, though the pieces belonging to Hans Zimmer that we hear on occasion are quite excellent. One particular segment in the final act of the flick could be, and should be, isolated solely due to its memorable combination of haunting vibes from the score and great cinematography. It almost makes up for the larger chunk of said act being clunky.


The greatest accomplishment to come from watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is that it just makes you pine for another showing of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is oddly enough, at the time of this review, still playing in most theaters across the world. It isn't a particularly bad film whatsoever (it is MILES ahead of the widely-loathed and spectacularly messy Spider-Man 3), but you just feel that director Marc Webb, noted producer Avi Arad, and the assorted crew and writers working together tried to balance too many things at once, and ultimately ended up cramming too many characters and stories into a film that barely passes the two hour mark. It is the movie equivalent of a "pretty okay" band you see at a random concert. There are several memorable moments that lead you to believe that greatness lies beneath, but ultimately you come out saying that it could use some work or retooling, and can't quite recommend it to your friends.




And for those of you asking, don't bother sticking around for any potential mid-credits or post-credits sequences. The one that we do receive feels more like an advertisement rather than anything significant or vital. For that matter, it is cross-promotion from another studio that apparently doesn't know about the term "preaching to the converted," and thinks that major movie audiences have the memory of a goldfish and prefer to pick and choose their Marvel Comics properties in a day and age where geek culture reigns supreme.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Review

Two years after the Avengers' monumental battle with Loki in New York City, Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, is struggling to fit in and adjust to modern society. After helping secure and free a S.H.I.E.L.D.-occupied ship under peculiar circumstances, he meets with leader Nick Fury. While there, he is introduced to Project Incite, a series of helicarriers designed to monitor and eliminate future threats to the world. However, when a new enemy nicknamed "The Winter Soldier" emerges, Rogers dives into deeper territory than he ever expected to, and uncovers secrets of S.H.I.E.L.D. that could rock the organization to its very core.


It took me a great deal of time (well, realistically it was only two years) to label myself as a fan of the first "real" Captain America film in 2011. Perhaps I had set my expectations too high after the rather entertaining Thor, or perhaps I just suspected that this would serve as nothing more than a stepping stone to the quite excellent The Avengers, down to including a teaser trailer for the latter in its post-credits scene. Thankfully, I found it to be a lot more entertaining after a second and third viewing, and would actually go so far to call it a very underrated comic book film, even if it did end up bringing in over three hundred million dollars globally.


Captain America: The Winter Soldier shares only a handful of things in common with the first film. For one, the previous picture felt more like a throwback and love letter to the golden age of adventure stories, be they in written form or motion pictures. I imagine that this choice is why it seemed to make or break it for many people, but it was something you had to warm up to, especially since it came from the director of another golden age homage from the 90s called The Rocketeer. For the sequel, however, this is Captain America having to get used to this day and age being a thing of the past, and having to come to the sudden realization that this is a drastically different world we live in, be it for better or worse.


After the screening wrapped up, I had multiple thoughts running through my head. The main one that stuck out was the following: much like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine and Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man, Chris Evans IS Captain America. True, Jackman's own adventures as Logan have been very debatable in terms of quality (though the poor end results of X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine aren't really his fault), but Evans just hits it out of the park, and I don't want to see the mantle passed to anybody else. This might be all the more fitting given that Evans was recently quoted as saying that he'd like to retire from acting once his contract with Marvel Studios has run up (and it sounds like he has no qualms with playing the character). Personally, I wouldn't fault him for doing it. This is very likely going to his legacy, and despite his very entertaining performance in The Avengers, I believe that this is what people will fondly remember him for. Like a true team player, he doesn't completely upstage anybody surrounding or supporting him. Scarlett Johansson's performance as Black Widow has also shockingly grown on me more than I expected, though she does have a few "cornball" lines here and there. Then again, when noted feminist Joss Whedon isn't writing your dialogue this time around, that may not come as a huge surprise. Veteran actors like Robert Redford (playing a very curious senior S.H.I.E.L.D. official) also show up, lending a helping hand and increasing the "legitimacy" of the picture.


For all of the talk about the characters being portrayed excellently, there's also a damn fine story to go along with it. The Winter Soldier sports a surprisingly well-structed and smart narrative packed full of political intrigue that mercifully doesn't alienate or confuse its audience. It does require you to have a fairly decent memory of the first film though, which can compromise some of the overall enjoyment. And while The Avengers sported some outrageously expensive-looking and thrilling action sequences, this picture's action sequences could arguably rival its predecessor's and at times, surpass it with flying colors. Where I complained two weeks ago about a film like Sabotage being rather lazily shot and puzzlingly clumsy, The Winter Soldier's cinematography is anything but. There are an incredible amount of bullets sprayed and no lack of body parts struck by other body parts, but all of it is quite clear and expertly done (kudos to one Trent Opaloch, who also worked on science fiction pieces like District 9 and Elysium). The fact that even smaller characters such as Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury get a time to shine and their sequences are all the more memorable as some featuring the main cast is a testament to how great this motion picture truly is.


If you had told me that a film directed by the same men who directed the usually-forgotten comedy You, Me, and Dupree would end up delivering what may have been my favorite Marvel Studios picture to date, I would have asked for you to be shaved, sterilized, and shot into space. If you had told me that it is arguably one of the best films in this still-maligned and unfairly mocked genre since 2008's The Dark Knight, again, I would have scoffed at you. But my goodness, Captain America: The Winter Soldier delivers on nearly everything you want in a bigger-budget picture without forsaking its brain. It's a necessary viewing for those who don't believe that niche or "geeky" properties can please both sides of the spectrum and it raises the bar on this special little medium we have and usually adore.


And yes, you should stay for the mid-credits and post-credits scene. They're both quite excellent.

Sabotage (2014) Review

After completing a massive drug bust at a Columbian drug cartel's place of residence, DEA captain John "Breacher" Wharton and his unit celebrate and breathe a sigh of relief. Though the man and his crew have been accused of taking money from the scene of the crime, they are oblivious to the missing evidence, and continue to celebrate on a job well done. Things start to turn sour, however, when members of John's crew start dying one by one. Is this linked with their cartel bust? Or does this have to do with something from the past that is now coming back to haunt the crew?

As I left Carmike Cinemas tonight, I came to the odd realization that this was the first Arnold Schwarzenegger-led film that I've seen in a theater as an adult. Aside from that thought making me feel very old, it also made me recall the days of yesteryear for the Austrian-American actor and former California governor. I grew up on many of the man's action and adventure films of the eighties and nineties, many of which I and my friends will defend to the death as fantastic forms of entertainment. In recent years though, he hasn't exactly been the muscled, lovable cheeseball darling of the media. For starters, an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a divorce and previously undiscovered child, along with a very silly appearance at the 2004 Republican National Convention definitely brought the "Governator" down a few pegs in the public eye.  Even if he was coming out in favor of same sex marriage or supporting the legalization of marijuana, the damage was done, and when he decided to return to full time acting in 2011, it showed at the box office intake. Thankfully, Arnold's newest picture Sabotage is coming out during the period when the audiences are pretty desperate for any form of entertainment (it's thanks to these "dry" months that we have the upcoming A Haunted House 2. *shudder*), so maybe there's hope for the man after all.


I couldn't help but feel like this was a movie with delusions of grandeur. It wants to tell the audience that it's full of intrigue, with a great "whodunnit" theme felt throughout every mood swing, but the problem is that any viewer, be they casual or hardcore, has seen it all before. Heck, most audiences have seen this in different genres for crying out loud. The film starts out slightly similar to one of Arnold's older classics from the 1980s, the science fiction piece Predator, with a sizable team of loud, boisterous, and somewhat one-note characters taking down a large threat with deadly force and surprising brutality. Within no amount of time, something comes up that leads to the team being mysteriously killed off in very violent ways. However, it shifts into the territory of motion pictures like Identity or Scream, with the remaining faces and figures trying to unravel a mystery that may hold secrets to a certain character's past. If this sounds like something worth watching, it damn well is. However, Sabotage isn't the film that you're looking for which will combine these elements into something that flows smoothly.


For starters, as macho or comical as some of the characters in the aforementioned films might be, they were wholly memorable or relatable. You could recall what it was that made you like someone such as Predator's Dutch or Billy, or even Scream's Sidney Prescott. Nobody in Sabotage, save for arguably Schwarzenegger's leader "Breach," has anything distinguishable about them, and Breach is the only individual who is given a background and reason for doing what he does (mostly thanks to one five minute-long scene of exposition). As for his crew? Well, they're mostly a lineup of the "who's who" of police and crime pictures. There's the female (The Killing's Mireille Enos), the black guy (Hustle & Flow's Terrence Howard), the man who looks like a rejected member of the Wyatt Family (True Blood's Joe Manganiello), and the other white, bald, occasionally tattooed men. Oh, and Sam Worthington (Avatar) is in there somewhere as well. Every member of Breach's task force is just a lousy, irritating cliche, and you wonder why they're trying to tell the audience that you have to feel bad when any of them bites the dust. Arnold also interacts with a mostly flat female F.B.I. agent played by Olivia Williams (Rushmore), but you'd never know that she's with the Bureau since they are portrayed as being completely worthless or just plain inept at their job. Apparently the DEA are the be all, end all of badassery, and other forces are insignificant puny worms. Maybe I could blame this on the script needing some work, but I think that I've used that copout too much in previous reviews.


Speaking of the script, I suppose that I should have done my research about it beforehand. The poster for Sabotage is a blatant lie, as this was actually a joint effort by director David Ayer and a man named Skip Woods. Ayer's track record is mostly positive, lying in the crime and police drama genres with pictures like Training Day and S.W.A.T. Skip Woods, on the other hand, is the man who helped bring such memorable duds as Hitman and X-Men Origins: Wolverine to the big screen. I'd be willing to suspect that most of the latter's influence is what made it through to the final product. Thankfully, some of the script isn't completely limp. For the very, very brief moments of comedy that there are, Arnold makes a few lines work that would normally fall flat in the hands of others (I'll be waiting for an isolated clip of him spouting "Is that a dick?" to pop up online). As much time as I've spent on blasting the script's weaknesses, it does possess a certain hook that will keep you from tuning out of the product completely. Maybe that's just part of the Arnold charm though. I mean honestly, can you name a film starring the man that you've flat out turned off and never finished? Well, outside of his late-90s pictures. And Red Sonja. And Last Action Hero. And any comedy he did not called Jingle All The Way or Twins…...You know what? Let me retract that last question and move on.


I can't really fault anybody for wanting to see Sabotage, as it really isn't a terrible movie per se, but I just didn't come away feeling particularly impressed by anything that I saw (even the action sequences are brought down by erratic cinematography). While the nostalgic Arnold Schwarzenegger fan in me hopes that it does well at the box office (at least until Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out next week), solely so that the man will continue to be in demand, it falls more into the dreaded category of "Meh." Since all of the negatives outweigh the positives, and the negatives aren't even offensively bad, this might serve as the definition of a Redbox rental. I would certainly think that paying anything more than six dollars to see it would be a stunningly bad mistake.



 But on the plus side, it's infinitely more watchable than Batman and Robin.

Ryan's Best and Worst of 2013: Part 3 (Cinema)

Boy. When it comes to converting days to weeks, especially for the purpose of this blog and my writing, I am in dire need to do such a thing, especially since this is long overdue. This could be the only rational explanation behind putting out my final picks for the best and worst of 2013 during the first day of MARCH. But, given that the next iteration of the Academy Awards is just around the bend (tomorrow to be more approximate), let's just dive right in and churn these out, shall we? As always, keep in mind that lists like these are entirely subjective, and as mentioned in my previous posts, I did not get around to checking out everything that I wanted to (I still need to watch 12 Years A Slave, Dallas Buyers Club, and Gravity). I've also ensured myself that this will not stand in 2014, as my goal is to view a new film at least every two weeks if time and money are kind to me. True, there are also a significant amount of more important things to strive for, but in terms of keeping me inspired for writing, I believe the quantity must be increased manyfold. In addition to my top ten favorite pictures of the year, there will naturally be a bottom five listed below, just to appease the folks who enjoy watching or hearing about me suffer. Why bottom five as opposed to ten? Because I'm not going to suffer for longer than a certain duration of time, that's why.




THE BEST




10. Star Trek: Into Darkness

If you're wondering where in the world my review for this big budget bonanza is, then you'll have to keep wondering, as I was simply too busy to type up a full review while seeing this in a Maryland theater (it also coincided with the rather hectic and time-consuming Maryland Death Fest). What I can tell you is that while I was never a passionate fan of the series in any of its iterations, I did enjoy some of The Next Generation and at least one of its many films released during its tenure on television. I've never understood why director J.J. Abrams has gotten so much slack from long time fans, especially since he's dragged this franchise out of the muck and bad review piles, and into the smart, well-acted, and all around engaging blockbuster piles now. Speaking of acting, Benedict Cumberbatch needs to play as many villains as humanly possible.




9. This Is The End

Why yes, I am indeed putting an apocalyptic stoner comedy in my top ten of the year list, and there isn't anything you can do about it! But in all seriousness, the Rogen/Goldberg formula doesn't always necessarily deliver on the laughs, and I was terrified that this would be a self-serving vanity piece that would be more for "their friends" than an actual paying audience. Luckily, I was proven wrong, as this proves to be one of the funnier pictures I've seen from this troupe and crew since Superbad in 2007. It was also chocked full of darkly humorous nods to the horror and disaster film genres, which is always a welcome addition with this bearded weirdo.




8. In A World…

Lake Bell's directorial debut was one of the truly perplexing pictures of the previous year. In that, I mean it seems to have been largely ignored outside of a few smaller independent award gatherings. A true shame, as the women poured her heart and soul into a fantastic little comedy-drama that I've already discussed about at length on here. It was equal parts inspiring story and feminist power tale without being overly pushy or obvious. Oh, and it may alter your perception of the "sexy baby" voice on women forever.



7. The World's End

This is another one that I've already talked about at length on here, so I'm not sure about what else to say. Smart, witty, unique, and all around fucking hilarious, this was probably the best comedy of the year that you (yes you) didn't get around to watching yet. In fact, you should watch it twice, as I'm certain that repeated viewings will help you pick up little things you never noticed before. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost switching roles worked surprisingly well, and the fight sequences rivaled anything seen by bigger American productions. While I'm sad that the "cornetto trilogy" has come to an inevitable close, Edgar Wright is a tremendously talented man, and I'll be awaiting (and following on twitter) for any future projects that the Englishman and his tremendous troupe of friends will churn out.



6. American Hustle

And here is where I expect some complaints, as I'm sure this ended up on numerous folks' top five list, with some even making it their choice for the best picture of the year. Heck, it even seems to be a shoe-in for "Best Picture" at tomorrow night's Academy Awards. So why only number six? Because I saw six films that I personally enjoyed more you cro-mag. If I didn't enjoy the picture, why would I have it on my own "end of the year" list? All of my mini-rambling aside, the acting here is top notch, the comedy and character drama are spliced together exceptionally well to the point where it just feels pretty seamless, and the story, as complex as it may get at times, is a fairly solid and well-thought-out one. I absolutely loved the background story of how Christian Bale and Amy Adams' characters first met, and Jennifer Lawrence is the best blonde actress working in the business today.




5. Stoker

While it was met with a fairly mixed reaction from critics and fans, I was utterly fascinated by Chan-Wook Park's American film debut, and mesmerized by its very dark, and often-times disturbing story of a family falling apart following the re-emergence of a lost and forgotten relative. Again, I've talked about this quite a bit before, so feel free to travel to that "search" bar near the top to seek out my original review. Or better yet, go visit your local Redbox and give this very odd horror tale a go. Even if you hate it, there are parts that will stay glued to your brain for some time.



4. Mud

I never got around to seeing Dallas Buyers Club in time for this recap/best of list, nor have I ventured into the realm of True Detective just yet. However, I did get around to seeing Matthew McConaughey's first step back into stardom with this incredible picture. A modern take on the "coming of age" formula made popular by old classics like Stand By Me, this was just as heartwarming as it was heartbreaking. Again, with the death of video outlets around the globe, you owe it to yourself to head to a Redbox or "Mom and Pop" outlet (if they still exist) and watch this as soon as you can. Unlike Stoker, I don't see this dividing audiences, but rather uniting them with a very tender and relatable story.



3. Blue Ruin

This motion picture's wider release can't come soon enough, and I'm beyond happy that they're receiving one to begin with. Director Jeremy Saulnier's sophomore outing is a real killer picture (pun possibly intended), with the director and his crew pouring their blood, sweat, tears and very hard-earned cash into a dark, violent, and even occasionally humorous revenge picture. As I said in my review from November, when I was first lucky enough to catch this, it turned out to be easily the best film I watched at this year's Cucalorus Film Festival in Wilmington, North Carolina, even if it was only one of three films that I was able to catch. Haunting and taut, Blue Ruin is up there in stature and importance with older classics like Blood Simple and Chan-Wook Park's Vengeance trilogy.




2. Her

A part of me wants to berate writer and director Spike Jonze for making me shed tears in a theater for the first time since Toy Story 3. Another part of me, that which towers over the other, wants to ask how in the world one comes up with such a beautiful, unique, amusing, and most importantly, ORIGINAL film such as this. I'm certain that like Joaquin Phoenix's main character, we all feel heartache and loneliness from time to time, and even question about what truly constitutes a relationship in this day and age. You may find the idea of a grown man in love with an operating system to be absurd, but once you have surpassed the twenty minute mark, it isn't whatsoever. In fact, the last thing it deserves is damning from any individual walking the planet. What does deserve damning is the lack of an academy award nomination for Scarlett Johansson's performance as Samantha, the operating system in question. It brings to mind another question, that of if a performer needs to be physically present in order to captivate and garner attention (see Andy Serkis' performances). I don't believe so, but hopefully someone will persuade the Academy to change their minds someday.



1. The Wolf Of Wall Street

Come now, are you really surprised that I chose this as my favorite film of the year? Martin Scorsese rarely misses in the realm of pictures dealing with crime, drugs, fame, and excess. In fact, he revels in bringing these pictures to life just as much as Jordan Belfort, the title character, seems to revel in all of the mostly illegal activities listed above. But then again, calling Wolf a crime picture might not be completely accurate, as this could also be categorized as a very vulgar and dark comedy if you come into it with an open mind. Well, that and you're not offended by profanity nearly every few seconds. At nearly three hours long, making it through The Wolf of Wall Street may seem like a task to finish at first glance, but once you're sucked into the story, all the more enhanced by Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill's nearly-perfect performances (and I rarely use the "p" word on here), the time flies by quicker than a penny stock sale to a poor, uninformed customer. I'll even go so far as to say that this is up there with Scorsese's Goodfellas in terms of memorability and importance, though its own debauchery far surpasses that of Henry Hill and his friends. To paraphrase Chicago's infamous professional wrestling crowd, "If Leo doesn't win the 'Best Actor' award, we riot."



And that should do it for the best of the best. There are some honorable mentions worth noting though, including the creative and very cool American Mary, the refreshing ghost story known as The Conjuring, Pacific Rim, which was an unabashed good time for a giant geek like myself, and Elysium, director Neill Blomkamp's second foray into science fiction-based action pictures.


But for every action, there is a reaction. And for every enjoyable picture, there are those which are the visual equivalent of watching a human being run around naked while eating a bowl of excrement. These five pictures are…not as bad as that visualization, but they are still my five least favorite films of 2013.



THE WORST:



5. A Haunted House

I realize now that I was entirely too kind to this film. In fact, I'm convinced that I may have been on numerous prescription drugs that day, since I clearly recall saying that the film, while bad, wasn't offensively terrible like I assumed it was going to be. This early prognosis has been shattered by the revelation that there is a sequel coming out within no time to this very lazy, homophobic, idiotic, and just all around boring motion picture that attempts to pass itself off as a parody. I want to say that the Wayans Family legacy has been severely hurt by this film's existence, but WHAT legacy?




4. Grudge Match

With apologies to certain people perusing and/or reading this post, I really couldn't believe as to how bland and just plain awful this so-called comedy was. Robert De Niro mercifully redeemed himself with a minor role in American Hustle, but Sylvester Stallone should know better by this point. Come to think of it, every single person involved in this cast should have known better, though Kevin Hart may have just taken this for a paycheck and an opportunity to work with prolific actors and actresses. Fun fact: I almost saw this picture twice, as before my screening of The Wolf of Wall Street began, the reel for this started to play, and I had to tell an usher that the wrong picture had started. Thankfully, it took me approximately five seconds to realize that this horror had begun, and the day was saved.




3. Movie 43

This now infamous sketch comedy anthology has had nearly every insult and bad review in the book thrown at it, and every actor and actress has been chastised for even participating in it, be it for money, as a favor, or by accident. So what more can I of this largely undiscovered blog add to the table? Well, I'd be putting nowhere near as much effort as Peter Farrelly did in assembling this, but I'd be trying to my damnedest to make certain that you receive more chuckles than this festering pile of feces produced. And there weren't many. Truth be told, the final segment "Beezel," written and directed by the usually reliable James Gunn and starring a cartoon cat sexually obsessed with his owner, may be worse than either of the other films listed below in their entirety. Keep in mind, this is the same James Gunn that is also directing the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy adaptation. I'm not saying that you should approach that picture with caution, but his inclusion here may cause you to think less of him.




2. Identity Thief

I've ranted about this picture at length before, but in recent months, my initial thoughts of "it just isn't that funny" were downgraded, transforming into something along the lines of "I want every character here to die slowly." Identity Thief's own lack of effort and awful, cringe-inducing forced storytelling is especially insulting towards those who have been the victim of identity theft themselves (of which I was the victim on three separate occasions in 2013). The only sensible and redeeming conclusion this picture could have reached would have been if Jason Bateman decided to throw Melissa McCarthy into oncoming traffic after setting her on fire. Instead, it drops a subtle hint of a possible sequel down the line. Oh no.




1. InAPPropriate Comedy

There's one question I'm sure my friends and coworkers would ask me after I tell them that InAPPropriate Comedy was the worst picture I've seen in many years: "What did you expect?" I expected nothing. Absolutely nothing. I go into a large portion of movies with a completely open mind, believing that even at the bottom of the barrel, you can still find something positive worth mentioning and pulling out. I enjoyed T.I.'s performance in Identity Thief, and I didn't despise the "Superhero Speed Dating" segment of Movie 43 (even if it was blatantly stolen from an internet sketch that came out beforehand). For crying out loud, I even got one insignificant chuckle out of Meet the Spartans, which stood as the worst picture I had ever seen for at least five years!

There is not a single thing to like about this film or any of the "sketches" involved. It is the equivalent of an annoying preteen tying you up and squirting you with a super soaker filled with horse urine and sulfuric acid. Director Vincent Offer (yes, the same man behind the Shamwow and the Slap Chop) somehow manages to out-Movie 43 the previously released Movie 43 by trying to shove as much racism, sexism, stereotypes, and ripoffs into eighty-three minutes as humanly possible. Adrien Brody's performance as "Flirty Harry" is proof that we need a new rule set by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences where one's oscar can be taken back if they help set a new standard for horridness in film. I also pray that I never meet Ari Shaffir in person, since his recurring sketches revolving around the character known as "The Amazing Racist" draws the wrong kind of heat, making you want to punch the actor in the face, and not the character. I also wonder if any effort or thought was put into the "Blackass" sketches, which are outdated and could cause one to gauge out their own eyes in hopes that a nearby neighbor would skullfuck them to death. This isn't uptight "conservative" speak either mind you, as films like This Is The End and The Wolf of Wall Street were also quite crude, but managed to pack in genuine laughs. All that InAPPropriate Comedy manages to do is make you feel sorry for Rob Schneider.

If you're still wondering about how I feel about InAPPropriate Comedy, let me just sum it up with five simple words:

Well, there you finally, and I do mean FINALLY, have it. I hope you folks enjoy the Oscars and the "best of" pictures that I recommended. Shockingly, I'll be watching in hopes that someone gets drunk and pisses all over the usually smug and well-behaved audience. That, and I want to see who wins in the major categories. Isn't that why people tune into those sort of things?


I'll also be returning very soon with more reviews, including something special in anticipation of Legendary Pictures' reboot of my childhood favorite Godzilla. So stay tuned!