2012: It Was the Best of Tunes, It Was the Worst of Tunes (Part 2)

Ah, so here we are again. Though I realize making my entire top 20 list as one post would've been much easier to do, I figured I'd drag it out just a tad bit more. Well, that and I needed to sleep before heading to work.

So, with little fanfare, here are numbers 1-10 of my favorite 20 albums released in 2012.





10. Napalm Death-Utilitarian

If you'd have told me Napalm Death were going to take some of the biggest risks this year in the extreme music community, I'd have asked you to supply me with some of the drugs you were taking. Shockingly, these risks, which range from a saxophone solo (hi there guest cameo from John Zorn!), to guitarist Mitch Harris singing cleanly, work incredibly well for the godfathers of grindcore. And for those of you who are uncomfortable with experimentation, don't worry, there are still plenty of righteous blasts of hostility to be found. True, ND have been on a good tear for the past ten or so years, but this one will probably warrant the most repeats (next to Enemy of the Music Business at least) in their recent catalog. Diversity is your best friend sometimes.

9. Early Graves-Red Horse

Two years after losing frontman Makh Daniels in a horrible van accident, this promising dark hardcore/crust band return with an effort that was as punishing as it was inspiring. New vocalist John Strachan (also of The Funeral Pyre) seems like a natural fit, his Gothenburg-style yells adding a very strong Disfear vibe (and the Tragedy influence is even stronger than before) to a band that I'm sure some were uncertain were ever going to return after their excellent 2010 effort Goner. Well, they're still going strong, and in my opinion, this is even better than that record. To quote one Joey Diaz, "TREMENDOUS!"

8. Witchcraft-Legend

I've slept on this band for way too long, and it figures that my first real exposure to them is when they have a mostly new lineup. Shame, since this is some absolutely beautiful heavy metal. In my book, Magnus Pelander and Mlny Parsonz (Royal Thunder) were neck and neck for vocal performance of the year, and despite the album positioning on this list, I'm not quite sure who won out in the end. I get the feeling that this will be a grower, and over time, could potentially sneak into my top five. If you still haven't listened to these Swedes, and count yourself as an old school metal/doom/stoner/hard rock fan, I implore you to find this album however you can, and give it a spin.

7. Gaza-No Absolutes in Human Suffering

Ouch. This album wants to hurt you. Badly. Not like in that pseudo-hardcore tough guy way, but in that "tear your hair out and pummel you to death with a microphone" kind of way. I've always liked this band, but something always prevented me from loving them. Their BotchalesceVerge sound (I will NEVER used that term again) has been perfected on this full-length however, so watch out. This is some of the most chaotic music I've heard in a long time, making you feel like you had been crushed by a bulldozer. Mathcore fanatics and fans of "violent" music in general will be drawn to this like a moth to flames.

6. High on Fire-De Vermis Mysteriis

I'm going to make a ballsy claim here: this will be the last truly great HOF album. Matt Pike checking into rehab earlier this year didn't particularly surprise me, but you know the old saying of "No Drugs, No Soul?" Well, this has TONS of soul, some of the best riffs I've heard from the (now) legendary guitarist, and it feels pretty drenched in drug use. Easily the best thing in this band's catalog since Blessed Black Wings, though let's hope their next effort doesn't turn into the band's equivalent of St. Anger. For now though, let us bask in its sheer power and magnitude.

5. Royal Thunder-CVI

The moment I heard about this GA stoner rock/doom metal band signing to Relapse Records, I knew their full length debut would be a monster. True, some songs on this can drag a bit, but Mlny Parsonz's vocals are enough to keep the listener's attention throughout any potential mediocrity (which there really isn't any). With fantastic chemistry between rhythm section and guitarists abound, and the aforementioned amazing performance from Ms. Parsonz, this bluesy and doom-soaked debut was well worth the wait. All I can hope is that they don't become too big to forget that they still owe us another show!

4. The Devil's Blood-The Thousandfold Epicentre

Okay, technically I'm cheating by putting this one on my list, given that it saw release in Europe back in November 2011, but we didn't see an official release in the U.S. until January. So nyah nyah. My childish insult aside, they were one of the standouts this year at Maryland Death Fest, and this is damn good psychedelic rock/metal from the Netherlands, with soaring vocals, a great use of the hammond organ, and a lyric sheet that makes the listener feel like they've been dropped off in a mid-70s drugged-out satanic ritual. Speaking of Maryland Death Fest, I just remembered that I neglected to type a proper review on here, so here's a quick recap: Everyone but Anvil, Die Pigeon Die, and Needful Things were good, and the latter were more disappointing than bad.

3. Pig Destroyer-Book Burner

I was scared that the sheer amount of dicksucking that this album was receiving would ruin it for me, but I'll admit: it may be warranted. It has been way too damn long since the D.C. masters of grind released a new album, but this was definitely worth waiting five years. The production might throw fans off, but Scott Hull's riffs slay and J.R. Hayes still sounds like a man possessed. This album is also more noticeably groovy than past efforts, but it works in its favor, especially on "Iron Drunk" and "The Diplomat." Guest vocals by Kat Katz (AnB/Salome) and Jason Netherton (Misery Index) only add to the intensity, and "The Bug," which features one of two collaborations between Hayes and Katz, might be my favorite song of the year. I'm expecting their set at 2013's Maryland Death Fest to be pure insanity.

2. Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind

I've never been shy about my love for Converge, and I'm probably one of the few who prefers their newer material (Jane Doe and onward) to their older material. Whereas 2009's Axe to Fall was a family affair stuffed with guest appearances galore, Converge is back to doing their thing as four piece on this album with no appearances but their own. Jake's vocals are torturous and pained like usual, and his skills as a songwriter have certainly not diminished, but to me the stars of this one are his bandmates. I've always thought that as musicians, Converge was severely overlooked. Kurt Ballou can riff with the best of them, Nate Newton's vocals and bass lines are growing in size, and Ben Koeller can beat his drums better than most in his field (opener "Aimless Arrow" and the title track are proof). The kings of metallic hardcore continue to reign supreme.

1. Christian Mistress-Possession

Unbelievable. Just when I think Relapse has dropped the ball with signing newer acts, this proves me wrong. No disrespect to the purveyors of the "retro metal" revival that seems to be the thing nowadays, but I prefer to see my favorite music genre go forward rather than take two steps backward. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy some of the albums though, and god DAMN did I love this one. Incredible guitar melodies that could compete with the best of early Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, soulful and sultry vocals that resemble if Grace Slick listened to a lot of Black Sabbath, and a very solid production that mixed just the right amount of modern with "old school," I'll be shocked if this band doesn't blow up within the next few years, or at least doesn't garner a slightly bigger following. The only thing I can ask now is COME TO THE EAST COAST!

And there you go, my top twenty albums list is complete. But you might be asking "Ryan, why title this 'best of tunes, worst of tunes' without a bottom 20?" Well, not to sound egotistical, but I avoided most of the albums this year that I knew would disappoint me.

But there were two albums that stuck with me the same way shit sticks to your shoes...




Dead Icons-Condemned

Remember my unpopular opinion on hardcore being mostly stale now? This is the epitome of it. I was struggling to say anything worth note, be it slightly positive or overwhelmingly negative, about this album. At the end of the day, however, I found it to be completely unmemorable and forgettable, which sometimes is the worst crime of all. I'm sure they're all nice guys, but this just didn't do a thing for me.



Lamb of God-Resolution

I feel bad bashing this because of the band's recent troubles involving Randy Blythe's manslaughter case, and I also avoided the new releases that nearly everyone has on their "worst of" lists (Muse, Bad Brains), but good fuckity god did this suck. The opening song "Straight For the Sun" is passable (mostly due to LoG going sludge on it), but it was a downward spiral after those two and half minutes were over. There is no life and variety to be found on this release, and LoG have pretty much confirmed their decision to take the Slayer route by deciding not to stray too far from the sound that helped secure them gold records. If you're okay with that, then you might not despise this album nearly as much as I did. For me though, I'm still yearning for something to match As The Palaces Burn. I'll probably have to keep waiting though.




NOW you have it. The best (and worst) of 2012's music, as chosen by this bearded weirdo.

As with last year, here are some other top lists from fellow music fans, a.k.a. friends and acquaintances.

Kris Hargitt

1. Torche-Harmonicraft
2. Gaza-No Absolutes In Human Suffering
3. The Rival Mob-Mob Justice
4. Power Trip-7"
5. Converge-All We Loves We Leave Behind
6. Rise and Fall-Faith
7. Burning Love-Rotten Thing to Say

Lew Cabral

1. Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind
2. Every Time I Die-Ex Lives
3. Grizzly Bear-Shields
4. Pig Destroyer-Book Burner
5. Gojira-L'Enfant Sauvage

Ben Johnson

Cattle Decapitation-Monolith of Inhumanity

Pig Destroyer-Book Burner

Christopher Millard (Children of the Reptile)

The Sword-Apocrypon

Dragonforce-The Power Within

Justin Palughi

Converge-All We Love We Leave Behind

Between the Buried and Me-The Parallax II: Future Sequence

Come back tomorrow for another best of/worst of list featuring movies, MMA, and all other sorts of things!

2012: It Was the Best of Tunes, It Was the Worst of Tunes (Part 1)

To say that 2012 has been interesting would be like stating that Black Sabbath were an amazing musical act. I got two new jobs (down to just one as of this writing, mostly due to distance), went back to school, and even traveled to a festival that was previously only thought of as a dream and nothing more.  We'll save that hoopla for another entry though, since this is about what obviously matters most: MUSIC! As with last year, I've assembled a list of my own favorite releases that I happened to hear and found quite pleasant on my ears. This was a rather difficult process, even more so than assembling my favorites of 2011. Despite its difficulty, it does make me optimistic for the next year though, as there isn't the slightest thing wrong with finding more good music.

Even dillydallying though, let's get to it. I'm making this a two part post due to links being attached for key tracks too.

But first!





HONORABLE MENTIONS



Magic Circle-Single 7"

An amazing glimpse of things to come from a supergroup comprised of members from The Rival Mob, Mind Eraser, and Doomriders. It has a tad bit in common with the latter, but this two song 7" shares more similarities with Black Sabbath and the melodic doom bands of the 80s (Candlemass, Trouble) than anything else.

Alcest-Les Voyages De L'Âme

I'm shocked that I never gave this band a listen until now. Roughly translated to "The Soul's Journey," this feels like a fairly natural meeting of haunting, melodic alternative post-rock and screeching black metal. There are moments on this that can genuinely give me chills depending on how my week has been going. Too bad I don't speak a lick of French, I would love to read about what I'm hearing. Strongly recommended for fans of Opeth, Agalloch, and Katatonia.

CREEM-CREEM 12"

*cues joke from Family Guy related to this band's name* Unusual feeling about their name aside, this was some damn good 80s-style hardcore punk from New York. This is what I wish Ceremony had evolved into.

Torch Runner-Committed To The Ground

North Carolina, you're doing me proud these days. The hardcore/grindcore band keeps evolving and playing shorter, faster songs, while turning the angry factor to eleven. In all honesty, I don't have too much more to say here, seeing as how this goes by in a flash, but what a flash it is.

Fiona Apple-The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver of The Screw And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

I've always liked this gal, even if recalling her album names post-Tidal have made me want to claw my face off. Smooth, sultry, sad, and even funny at times, this was easily my favorite non-loud music discovery I heard all year (outside of the PHENOMENAL Chelsea Wolfe).

Power Trip-S/T 7"

Time to entice the haters: I think hardcore is pretty boring right now. I feel the genre is too riddled with cliched acts, singing about the same subjects and catering towards the "cool" side of things, which is the complete antithesis of what hardcore is about. Mercifully, before signing to Southern Lord, these Texans released a banger of a 7" this year, chocked full of speed and groove. Comparisons to the now-defunct Iron Age are inevitable, but I can only hope these guys last a little longer and continue to impress.

The Rival Mob-Mob Justice

C'mon, the intro alone is worth a spot alone on an end of the year list, and the band themselves will admit (and have) that this is purely for the intention of moshing really, REALLY hard. Oh, and as for the rest of the release? It's rather good.

Enabler-All Hail the Void

I suppose the reason this didn't quite make the top 20 was due to this being an example of "good record, better live." Not to dismiss the band or anything, because this is still very enjoyable. Ex-members of Today is the Day and Fall Out Boy (really!) make a very good metallic hardcore album that often crushes, but is better experienced in a live setting. This was especially apparent when (in my opinion) they stole the show during this summer's Southern Lord tour.

Now, we shall march forward onto the actual list. Well, at least the first half.

Speaking of march...







20. Coffins-March of Despair

The guitars are evil, the drums are primitively simple, and the vocals sound like a demon is getting ready to vomit onto your very soul. Naturally, I loved it. I can never keep track of who is doing what in the lineup of Japan's kings of death/doom, but as long as they keep churning out awesome releases like this one, I don't care who performs what.

19. Action Bronson-Blue Chips/Rare Chandeliers.

Technically these are two different albums, but given how busy the New York rapper is, I don't see the problem with putting both of these in the same spot. I've been so down on newer hip-hop and rap, but something about this guy just works. Perhaps its the subject matter (food, weed, money, women, wrestling, etc.) or perhaps its his uncanny vocal resemblance to Ghostface Killah. With the latter album, the insanely cool beats conjured up by The Alchemist only up the enjoyment factor. Did I mention that both of these were put up for free online? So go ahead and give these (and his excellent full-length Dr. Lecter) a go. I sense that this guy is going to explode in popularity, and I couldn't be happier if that comes to be.

18. Torche-Harmonicraft

Ahh Torche, you never disappoint. Hell, even your weakest efforts still have something worth revisiting. Personally, I've always preferred Torche a bit more than Floor (here comes the shitstorm now...I just realize I made that joke too. Oy), and maybe it was because I've always been attracted to a good melody more than anything. I find it impossible to be in a bad mood when listening to a Torche album, and nobody else does sludge-pop better than Steve Brooks & company. Can we also talk about how awesome the video to "Kicking" was too? Because it totally is.

17. Pallbearer-Sorrow and Extinction

I love Profound Lore, but it took me almost a full year to FINALLY listen to this in its entirety, and while I don't think the hype is 100% justified, I think the attention is still very well deserved. Epic, traditional doom metal with melodic (almost soaring) vocals that can tug at your very heartstrings. Perhaps my only complaint is that there are only five songs on this impressive debut, but I predict this band will have a rather big year and churn out something that even surpasses this titan of a record.

16. Panopticon-Kentucky

I'm incredibly strict about what black metal (if any at all) I like anymore, and I'm even harder to please when it comes to one man black metal bands from the states. I'm always open to hearing new things though, and this melding of black metal and bluegrass songs (blackgrass?), along with unusual additions to the genre (recorder and banjo) worked better than I could have ever expected it to. A concept record about the horrors of coal mining and forest destruction in his native state, this was one of the most emotional albums I've heard from the genre, and will leave you truly concerned for the well being of the artist and his home land.

15. Baroness-Yellow & Green

One of the more controversial albums released this year (well, at least down in Wilmington, where folks seem to be split), Baroness' double album upped the melody even more than usual, and toned down quite a large bit of the aggression heard on their previous full-lengths. Did it make for a good listen? Well, in my eyes, it absolutely did. True, the lyrics are weaker than normal ("Little Things" could be phenomenal if you ignore them), and there are some filler songs here and there, but the fact the GA natives were able to make a double album that didn't completely stink is enough to warrant some respect. This is one that I think those with more time to kill and more open minds will appreciate.

14. Deftones-Koi No Yokan

Yeah, I like the Deftones. Fight me. They're one of the few bands that I'm still a fan of after going through all of my music "phases." Oddly enough, it might be due to that fact that this band has been willing to grow and change themselves, and barely resemble the primitive nu-metal act heard on Adrenaline (though you could argue about the band ever even belonging in that genre). Mixing influences from post-rock, post-hardcore, and European acts like Meshuggah, this band has never sounded more like themselves and less like a Korn clone. Admittedly, 2010's Diamond Eyes is still a better album, but the atmosphere dripping from tracks like "Leathers" and "Rosemary" help secure this a spot in the top 20.

13. Neurosis-Honor Found in Decay

I'll probably get crucified for this not being higher, but it didn't mean it was a bad record whatsoever. Hell, Neurosis isn't capable of making a completely bad album. The use of hammond organ on this will leave you salivating, making you wish that the California post-metal giants had used it more, while they also prove to be one of the few bands in the world who can still pull off using bagpipes in metal without sounding cheesy. Scott Kelly's and Steve Von Till's vocals are still amazing and instantly recognizable, and "At the Well" could compete with the best material from Through Silver in Blood.

12. Black Breath-Sentenced To Life

What a rager. I was impressed by these cats' debut EP years ago, but never did I imagine they could churn out something so nasty-sounding. The Stockholm sound has been alive and well in America over the past few years, and you can largely attribute that to these Washingtonians (along with Nails, All Pigs Muse Die, and the surprisingly inactive Trap Them). Combining the best of Swedish death metal with a very strong hardcore punk vibe, it might be impossible to not bang your head to at least two of the tracks on this one.

11. Burning Love-Rotten Thing To Say

I'll probably get an endless amount of hate for this, but I was not a fan of Burning Love's "Songs for Burning Lovers." Perhaps I was still mourning the loss of Cursed, but something just didn't click with me. Whatever was lacking on that album is gone though, as this one was a bonafide, amped up release. Chris Colohan's vocals are expectedly strong, the riffs more memorable (and more based in rock & roll than hardcore), and the lyrics are fittingly biting. Bravo guys, looking forward to future releases again now.

And that does it for Part 1. Tune in for part 2 in a few hours.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 31 & Post-Marathon Thoughts

Shortly after his wife Katherine loses their own child, Robert is coerced by a priest into switching the deceased child with one whose own mother died at nearly the exact same moment, without telling his wife of the change that has transpired. The boy is named Damien, and for several years, he grows up rather normally, until one day at his fifth birthday party, Damien's nanny commits suicide in his name. Things begin to unravel about the origin of Robert and Katherine's "son," and there exists a strong possibility that the young lad is more "devilish" than his parents thought.

Before you say it, yes, prior to today, I had never seen the original 1976 The Omen. I'm uncertain as to why it took so long, given that it's had a profound impact on the genre, and historians remember it as a great film, regardless of classifications. Hell, Iced Earth even wrote a song about it.

This was one of the last notable and big roles Gregory Peck had in a motion picture, but I thought his sort of "old style" acting wasn't the best fit for this character. It's that super stern style of acting which, while I admire, is something that can only be seen in the past. The character of Robert felt more like Kathy's father rather than her husband (this isn't necessarily a knock on Peck's age either). Lee Remick is pretty good, and it's quite interesting to see her character breaking down with the more that keeps happening. Billy Whitelaw however, is delightfully devilish as Damien's new nanny following his previous caretaker's suicide, like Mary Poppins if she was the devil's right hand (wo)man. Speaking of Damien, the choice to mostly keep him silent was smart, and I'm surprised nobody bothered to cast the kid playing him in anything else. Perhaps casting directors were too frightened to do so.

David Warner has a pretty interesting performance as a photographer who begins to examine and connect all of the accidents following (and including) the nanny's suicide, but he's pretty much just playing David Warner. There are some good suspenseful moments too, like a scene at the zoo involving the local animals' reaction to the "Unholy One"'s presence. Some moments do tend to drag on for a bit, such as Peck and Warner's trip to Rome. That particular segment, while important, lacked a tremendous amount of light in certain scenes, making it a tad bit difficult to tell what exactly what was going on.

Despite a few moments that don't age well, I still like The Omen and can recognize its importance. I'm not sure what the 2006 remake offered audiences (other than an admittedly amusing release date of 06/06/06), but I can almost be certain that it lacked the memorable score (kudos to Jerry Goldsmith) and the standout performances involved with Richard Donner's original movie. 

Maybe I'll save that for next year. That and the three sequels that followed.

Tomorrow, we review...nothing! We've reached the inevitable conclusion of this year's blog, and I can safely say that like last year, I've had a hell of a fun time doing this. There were some bumps along the way, and I personally would've liked to have reviewed even more, but we're entering holiday hours at my store, so time is valuable.

As with last year's iteration, there were quite a few films that didn't make the list for various reasons. Blood and Donuts, Sometimes They Come Back, and The Langoliers were all possible entries, but were mostly "alternate" titles in case something was hard to obtain or removed from Netflix's Instant Streaming. There was actually quite a mixup with the video service "Crackle" as well, as [REC] 2, Idle Hands, and Bats were all originally scheduled for viewings, but were taken off without warning (though two of the three have since been put back up. Figures). I was even considering breaking from home video and checking out Sinister, but I don't wish to spend $10 to watch a horror film in a theater. If I haven't voiced my frustrations with horror audiences before, perhaps I'll save it for a later date. I was considering making a Top and Bottom 5 for this year's list, but felt it would be too frustrating to choose just 5 for each category. So you'll just have to read my thoughts (like originally intended).

Until then, enjoy your Halloween folks. Eat plenty of candy, drink plenty of drinks (alcoholic and non-alcoholic alike), and enjoy the company of others.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 30

Henry, an emotionally distant man, spends his spare time killing innocent people for seemingly no reason. He also trains his protege and best friend Otis in his ways, though with restrictions that the simpleton often seems to forget. Soon, Otis' sister Becky arrives in town, and while she tries to earn money to support her daughter, she begins to fall for the mysterious and cold Henry...



Before he was making a younger generation incredibly nervous on The Walking Dead, Michael Rooker was making audiences feel unsettled and disturbed with this highly praised piece of cinema, based somewhat loosely on the life of serial killer Henry Lee Lucas. Henry has been on my "To Watch" list for what seems like an eternity, and like Thirst, I regret waiting this long to view it.

Let's get this out of the way right now: if you find yourself easily upset by violence against women, or don't like murderers with zero emotion (i.e. no smartass quips), this will most likely turn your stomach. Henry (the film and the title character) make no mistake with being brutally honest with the handling of its subject matter, and casting Michael Rooker was the best choice they could have made. He is downright chilling, with near hints of humanity poking through his cold exterior and demeanor. His protege Otis (Tom Towles) is just as reprehensible, if not more so. He's what most folks would consider the "archetype" of the crazy murderer: stupid, bloodthirsty, potentially incest-inclined, and just downright ugly. The film's just as much about him as it is the title character. A rape scene involving both of the men managed to disturb even myself, and I have a pretty iron stomach these days.

The only real complaint with the film involves a subplot with the character of Becky (Tracy Arnold). Don't get me wrong, she's fantastic, and the character itself is well written, but the film seemed to forget her potential romantic entanglement with Henry until the very end. When they bring it up again though, its handled fittingly. I was almost ready to ask why in the world there seemed to be no law enforcement in sight, but we're given a reasonably understandable explanation as to why that is (that and sometimes cops are just dumb).


This is an excellent piece of work, despite (or perhaps even because) of its low budget. As I mentioned above, there is some off-putting material for those who don't frequently watch horror films, but otherwise, this is nearly essential stuff. Bravo.


Alas, tomorrow is Halloween. This year's "Unseen Terror" will come to a close, and it'll close with a bang. What is this classic film I've never seen that I'll be reviewing? Stay tuned!

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 29

After a tree in the backyard of his house is demolished, young Glen and his best friend Terry dig in the remaining hole, and unearth a strange geode. Accidentally pricking himself, Glen spills blood in the hole, and they both return home. Shortly thereafter, a series of strange events begin to occur, and the origin of the hole in Glen's backyard is discovered to be more demonic than initially realized...


Wow. For the first time in this year's iteration of the blog, I found a movie that I have virtually nothing to complain about. This is...unusual. Hell, even some of the entries I enjoyed immensely (Thirst, Pontypool) had some problems that slightly brought them down from being perfect, but The Gate is pretty darn awesome.

I've always been fascinated by horror films that are clearly aimed at younger audiences, but can also be immensely entertaining for adults as well. This is the reason why flicks like Stephen King's It are so fondly remembered. The kids in The Gate are all very easy to like, and are the furthest things from morons or bothersome. This was Stephen Dorff's film debut, and I'm starting to think this might be the pinnacle of his career. There's also his heavy metal-loving friend Terry (Louis Tripp), and Glen's teenage sister Al (Christa Denton). They're all doing fine jobs here, and in addition to spouting off some rather amusing lines, can pull off looking scared or shocked rather well.

It is undeniable that this has a very distinct "80s" charm and feel to it, with a real sense of wonder and the feeling that you could be stuck in the ultimate nightmare when the gate itself is opened and it unleashes all sorts of hellish trouble. Speaking of the gate, the effects work in here is pretty solid, and the monstrosities that emerge felt like an old tribute to Ray Harryhausen's old stop motion techniques. I also found it to be a little coincidental/funny that I've now watched two films in the past two days that both featured graphic facial destruction. If that pops up at all again in the last entries, I'll be convinced that something is amiss.

This is great fun. Is it perfect? No, but if you are between the ages of eight and fourteen, this could be the holy grail of hidden horror gems for sure. Even if you're not, this is still a very fun, creepy, and almost Lovecraftian horror film that I can only hope earns more fans over time. I know there are plans to remake this very soon (with friggin' Bill from Bill & Ted as the director!), but I'm not convinced this needs an update of any sort, minus the Blu-ray that was recently released.









I could've done without the somewhat forced happy ending and the clear advertisement for Canadian metal band Sacrifice though.


Oh damn it, I just complained! Curses.



Tomorrow, we're winding down to the very end, and tackle the often discussed HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 28

A nervous fashion model moves into a surprisingly cheaply-priced hotel in New York. She meets her neighbors, an eccentric bunch to say the least, and around the same time, she starts experiencing strange problems, including fainting spells, insomnia, and bizarre flashbacks. She and her boyfriend decide to do some digging around, and may uncover a shocking truth about the blind and deaf priest who lives upstairs, secluded from society...


Well, that was a strange one. I'm not sure you could call The Sentinel a pure horror film, or just a satanic mystery/thriller. Wait, that can qualify as a horror film, can't it? Oh well, let's carry on with it.

This film certainly isn't shy about wearing its' influences on its sleeves, and it has a very decidedly un-American feel to it. The makeup and religious tones/backstory feel lifted out of assorted European flicks (mainly the Italians), and they choose to build tension rather than immediately jump right into the realm of insanity. I counted quite a few times where the film seemed to make you feel like you could be hallucinating or possibly even dreaming, made all the more peculiar by the twists towards the film's third act. I was quite shocked to see how large the cast list for this as well, spouting Chris Sarandon, Beverly D'Angelo, Ava Gardner, Burgess Meredith (awesome job here), Jerry Orbach, and Jeff Goldblum, just to name a few. The plot can be a bit of a handful for those who have short attention spans (raising my own hand now), but piecing it all together can be quite fun.

I did have a minor grip with the acting, which delved into the realm of overacting once in a while. Christina Raines is okay as our poor, crazy (or is she?) heroine, but it seemed like she was playing the part of a model who's trying to act rather than just act like a model. If that sounds confusing, then I'm sorry. What I'm trying to say is that she was just incredibly mediocre. There's also a subplot involving some detectives (with one played by a very young Christopher Walken) that seemed to go absolutely nowhere and didn't serve much of a point. But, my biggest gripe lies with the score, which was more pulverizing and distracting than chilling. Originally John Williams was set to compose the film's music, but backed out to do a little flick called Star Wars instead. It's a shame, since I feel he would have been able to add a much more fitting tone than what we got.

The Sentinel isn't what I'd call a great film, but I'd still recommend it.  A concept that gets progressively more interesting over time, coupled with a pretty haunting ending and some disturbing (by 1977 standards) imagery makes this worth a watch. Fans of religious-based horror films will be able to find a great deal to enjoy, but others may find it to be a bit of a chore.

Tomorrow, we jump forward by ten years and take a gander at THE GATE.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 27

The spooky host known as "The Creep" presents three more chilling tales from Stephen King and George Romero. First, a Native American statue comes to life in order to exact revenge on some hoodlums. Second, four people find themselves stranded on a raft in the middle of a lake, with a strange, black blob surrounding them. Third, the victim of a hit and run will not rest, and continuously harasses his murderer...


Controversial statement time: I think Creepshow is the best horror anthology film ever made. Every segment is distinctive, the acting is fine, and overall, it's just a blast to watch. Given the surprise success of the film, I can't say I was surprised when many years ago I was told of this film's existence. Unfortunately, what we get isn't up to par with its predecessor. For starters, I was bummed out to discover that there are only three stories in Creepshow 2, as opposed to the original's five. I'm not saying that more is better, but it would have offered more substance.

The first segment, "Old Chief Wood'nhead," was probably my favorite, even if it was the most predictable of the bunch. It feels closer to a supernatural tale of revenge than a horror film, but it does have some wonderfully silly performances from everyone involved. I thought we could have saved the potential twist of the statue coming to life for a little later, as we see it on a couple of occasions before the bloodshed where it is clearly alive. There's a hell of a lot of exposition towards the middle, but we are dealing with a short after all, so there isn't much time to spend on filming an entire backstory. Fun.

"The Raft" is arguably the most memorable of these tales, and it isn't hard to see why. The deaths are fairly cool, and the monster itself reminded me of a mixture of Hedorah's vomit and the title creature from The Blob. The makeup work here excels too, with some great work from the usually reliable Greg Nicotero. If the acting would've been stronger, and the characters a tad bit more relatable, I think this would've been my favorite. As it turns out, it just ends up being decent.

My biggest complaints lie with the final segment, "The Hitchhiker." The concept is amusing, and there is an always fun cameo from Stephen King himself, but it is brought down by some one of the worst choices for a segment that I've ever seen: having the main character speak in "thought bubbles." As it was evidenced in 2009's Watchmen, this idea doesn't always work, and some lines of dialogue are best left printed and not read. Like the first segment, this is also entirely too predictable, but it does have breasts, so there you go.

In the end, Creepshow 2 is just kind of...there. I didn't find anything offensively terrible, but there was nothing terribly great to enjoy. If you're curious about wanting to watch this, I can't fault you for wanting to do so.

Now if it's Creepshow 3 you're interested in watching, then we may have to talk.


Tomorrow, we're taking a trip back to the 70s (and away from Sequelville) with THE SENTINEL.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 26

After some bizarre events have left their friends dead at the hands of the monsters inside of an evil wax museum, Mark and Sarah make their way home, hoping to forget about everything they've witnessed. Within a few hours, a disembodied hand from one of the figures kills Sarah's stepfather, and despite getting rid of the evil hand afterwards, she is blamed for the murder. Soon, Sarah and Mark discover a compass that belonged to Mark's grandfather, which can help them traverse different dimensions, and will hopefully be able to help clear Sarah's name.


Last year I reviewed 1988's Waxwork, a pretty decent little horror/comedy with some good imagination to help make up for its weak start. Naturally, a sequel (and in this case, a DIRECT sequel) was released four years after the original's theatrical run, and so Waxwork II: Lost In Time, has come to be. If "Sequely" was an actual word, this would be it to a tee.

Director Anthony Hickox and star Zach Galligan are back, but unfortunately co-star Deborah Foreman turned down the offer to return as love interest Sarah Brightman (how in the hell did I miss making a joke about that last year?!), so she's replaced by a woman who looks absolutely nothing like her. Shockingly, I think I actually preferred newcomer Monika Schnarre though, who tries to bring a level of spunk and humor to a character that I thought was flat and irritating in the first. We're also treated to bit parts from David Carradine (R.I.P.) and Bruce Campbell, who naturally, are awesome for the little amount of time they have.

For the first two thirds of the movie, the idea of time hopping through what were essentially the same type of absurd and nonrealistic segments from the first film, confused me quite a bit, but one segment with an unhealthy amount of exposition later, any and all questions we have are answered. Almost immediately, the comedy starts to overtake the horror, and while I love both genres near and dear, I personally prefer a proper balance of the two, since I feel it wields the best results. The first Waxwork wasn't shy or subtle with its homages to a plethora of films from all across the board, but they turn it up to 11 this time around. I don't even have the time to list all of the parodies and homages I was able to spot, and some are even vital to the film's plot (including the ending). There is some pretty cheesy effects work going on as well, though it may been intentionally so. Also, better utterance of the phrase "Kill the bitch" EVER.

This film's kind of a mess, and way too silly at times, but it's the type of mess that you can have an enjoyable time with. I think a proper comparison would be that this is to Army of Darkness what Waxwork was to Evil Dead II. There seems to be a subliminal message to the audience, telling us "Don't take this too seriously," and that's the same advice I can give out. Watching it back to back with the original is the best route one can take.

Tomorrow, we're still sick with sequelitis, and I can hope that CREEPSHOW 2 is the cure.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 25

On the way to work one morning during a terrible blizzard, radio host Grant Mazzy encounters an incomprehensible and seemingly deranged woman. She seems to be doing nothing but uttering nonsense and repeating Grant's own words back at him, so he continues on his way to work. After some time on the air though, Grant, his station manager Sydney, and technical assistant Laurel-Ann, start receiving a series of strange calls from listeners and fellow reporters alike, describing strange scenes of chaos around their small town of Pontypool.


Not to disrespect this fine country of ours, but a film like Pontypool could have only come out of a place like Canada (and not just because it has that strange camera filter you see in almost every Canadian horror film). We horror fans like to complain about the state of the genre nowadays, but this is one of the more unique and original films I've seen in some time. It borrows elements from The Fog, 28 Days Later, and Stephen King's The End of the Whole Mess, but definitely with its own ideas and twists.

The performances from everyone in Pontypool are considerably strong, and Stephen McHattie is particularly excellent as Grant, bringing a very real presence and humor to a character that could have been disposable if it were portrayed by most others. Personally, it only gave a person like me even more encouragement to get into voiceover work, whether it is in the radio business or not. The look of concern and intrigue on his and Sydney's (Lisa Houle) faces while everything is seemingly falling apart around them feels exactly the same as the audience's. True, they also slip into a state of confusion, which again, we as the audience may share as well, but most questions can be answered if we put our brains to work.

Pontypool's twist is a very strange one though, one that gave me fear they were going into late-era M. Night Shymalan territory. Through the writing of Tony Burgess, it digs itself out of that hole within a few minutes, and makes one wonder about the impact of speech and certain words (hope that isn't spoiling too much) in today's society. Without a doubt, the one thing that most audiences will take away from Pontypool is that the film doesn't exactly feature a whole lot of "show," in that nearly the entire film takes place within the radio station itself, and the horrific occurrences going on outside are only described to us, not actually seen. I know I'm repeating myself here, but more bloodthirsty fans will likely be annoyed.

I'm glad I checked this one out. After several days of being either disappointed or flat out aggravated with my selections, it was refreshing to see a creepy, original, and flat out intelligent film make an appearance on this countdown again. This will require a second viewing at some point, and I more than welcome it.


Tomorrow, we're experiencing a blast from the past (specifically last year's blog) with WAXWORK 2.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 24

While cutting class one day, high school friends Rickie and J.T. make their way to an abandoned mental hospital. After some digging around, they discover a naked woman chained to a table in the basement. Rickie suggests they get the poor woman out, but J.T., through some "experiences" with the woman now nicknamed "Deadgirl," discovers that she is also incapable of dying, and has other plans in mind.


A quick message to my friends reading this: If I ever get this desperate for pussy, please lock me up and throw away the key.

You know how some movie posters immediately catch your attention and can never quite leave your mind? Deadgirl's has always stuck with me since I first saw the image while working at Hollywood Video. Unfortunately, our only copies at the time were rented and never returned, so I had to wait for some time to finally get around for a viewing. And the final verdict? S'alright.

The two leads...actually, scratch that, damn near every character, aren't particularly well written, and I never got the feeling that these two were ever friends to begin with, even if some forced expositional dialogue in the final twenty minutes tries to tell you otherwise. Jenny Spain is our title "creature," and even through she's speaking in nothing but grunts and the occasional scream, easily steals the show from everyone around her. She's probably the only living being (using that term loosely) worth rooting for here, as this doesn't really have too many likable characters to speak of. Even Rickie, our hero, comes across as a bit too weird to identify with, and Shiloh Fernandez's flat acting certainly isn't helping him. Makes you nervous for how he's going to do in the Evil Dead remake, doesn't it?

It is very likely that Deadgirl's ending will divide a lot of folks, seeing as how it does contain a complete 180 from what was previously established, but I'd say it made perfect sense considering some of the last words that are uttered by a certain character. It's one of those "Fuck You!" conclusions, but with an additional "No, Fuck YOU!" towards the very end. A bit confusing, but satisfying in a sick sort of way.

Deadgirl is an absolutely flawed film, and I think it could have been handled extremely well in the hands of a more experienced director, but the final product really isn't all that bad. If you're sensitive about rape in horror films, this could get under your skin. Doing back-to-back screenings of this and the previously reviewed The Woman will probably leave you hating the human race for the remainder of your day.

Tomorrow, we're still stuck in 2008, and this time make a trip to Canada with PONTYPOOL.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 23

I'm actually going to do today's reviews a little differently. Instead of typing a separate review for each film, I've decided to do a comparison piece, since they're essentially the same, shitty, waste of time.

The plot for Blood Surf revolves around a group of people who travel to the Island of Never Specified for a new sport known as "Blood Surfing." This sport revolves around surfers throwing chum in the water to attract sharks, and surf around them accordingly while people film it for television. Our group stops by another island while doing this nonsense, and soon find that they're being pursued by a large Salt Water Crocodile. On the other side of things, Shark Night's plot revolves around a cast of students who decide to vacation at a Louisiana lake, where one of them used to frequent when she was younger. Almost immediately, they're subject to a variety of different shark attacks.

If you think the plots for those sound stupid, you'd be wrong. They're AMAZINGLY stupid. For one thing, Shark Night's plot shouldn't even make sense when you consider that most sharks survive in SALT water, not fresh. True, they offer a very brief explanation as to how these ones can and how they got there to begin with, but it still reeks of laziness. At least they explain from the get go in Blood Surf that the animal is indeed a "Salty," so nobody can nitpick them to death.

I was tempted to say that Shark Night had the advantage with its casting choices. Nobody in either film is good mind you, but at least you can recognize Sara Paxton (The Innkeepers), Katherine McPhee (American Idol), Joel David Moore (Dodgeball), and Donal Logue (Grounded For Life). Blood Surf's acting reminded me of something from an early WCW skit. Like White Castle of Fear-level stuff. The characters are cardboard cutouts or painfully cliched (this could apply to either movie to be honest), and the Australian lead actress was the equivalent to X-Men's Mimc when it came to accents. But after thinking about it for approximately ten seconds, I chose to say that it's a draw, and for one reason only: Blood Surf has nudity. Seeing as how it didn't receive a theatrical release, they most likely figured they could get their starlets to do whatever they wanted. Meanwhile, Shark Night is rated PG-13, so of course, we'll get a brief shot of sideboobs and nothing else. Those might be the holy grail for a twelve year old who hasn't discovered that the object downstairs is more fun to use than you realize, but it will annoy everyone else.

On the monsters and gore front, Shark Night can be described as no guts and no glory, since the blood and kills here are flat out lame. Every kill essentially amounts to pools of blood in the water while herky jerky camerawork frustrates you and robs you of anything potentially "cool." Blood Surf's kills are rather disappointing too, save for one scene with a human shish kabob. Shark Night loves its CGI, and naturally, it looks terrible. Would it have been too much to get the folks who worked on Deep Blue Sea to show you how to do a computer-generated shark properly? As for Blood Surf,  even though it was filmed during the "transition" period in movies (a.k.a. when CGI overtook practical effects and animatronics), the CGI looks ATROCIOUS, but we do see some shots of an actual animatronic crocodile! It also looks pretty silly, and I'm convinced they could only afford to make a head, but it was appreciated. Advantage, crocs.

However, both films are guilty of ripping off one vastly superior product: Jaws. I know we can't deny its impact on the horror genre, but for the love of god, they aren't even subtle about it. Blood Surf steals the Quint character, while Shark Night steals the opening sequence and several other key moments from that classic. Utterly shameful. I know Shark Night was also released in 3D, but even that cheap gimmick wouldn't have been able to mask its flaws.

This is like choosing which end of a double headed dildo covered in broken glass you want forcefully shoved up your anus. Neither is pleasant, neither is fun, and ultimately, you'll feel hurt having gone through either one. My advise is to just stay away if you know what's good for you.


Tomorrow, we're (hopefully) back to the good bunch with the much discussed DEADGIRL.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 22

In a small area in Providence, Rhode Island, a young girl named Sally has been sent by her mother to stay with her father and his new girlfriend in their newly restored home. Initially depressed, and thoroughly unsatisfied, Sally despises her new home, but things start to get interesting when she wanders and discovers a sealed fireplace in the skylight of the manor's basement. She begins to hear multiple voices coming from not just the fireplace, but from various areas of the manor, and they all seem to be calling for her...


I've never seen the original Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, but outside of some role reversals, I've heard this doesn't deviate too much from the original source material. I'm admittedly going to have to track that film down now, just to see exactly how much was changed, and to see if it has the same faults and/or strengths as this film had.

For strengths, praise should go to actress Bailee Madison, who plays our young hero Sally pretty well. Come to think of it, everyone else around her was pretty mediocre. Katie Holmes seemed to be miscast in the role as the kind girlfriend of her father, and Guy Pearce just sounded disinterested throughout the entire film. Admittedly, it is a little difficult at first to even care about Sally, who just appears to be grumpy and frumpy for the first third of the movie (though I can't say I blamed her given some circumstances). The creatures themselves are also pretty scary-looking for the most part, though I'm sure they would have left a more lasting impact had they not been CGI. There is a particularly good jump scare involving them invading Sally's room.

Speaking of the creatures, yes, they're designed rather well. Yes, they're scary. But writer/producer Guillermo Del Toro, who I do rather enjoy, has already worked with the old legend of the "Tooth Fairies" before with Hellboy 2. Again, I know this is a remake, but it felt like he was recycling ideas with the decision to include them as the primary monsters. The film also boasts a running time of ninety nine minutes, and you do feel like a decent amount may have been left on the cutting room floor or was edited out of the script. Exactly what, I can't quite explain as of this writing, but I can almost guarantee that you'll feel the same way.

Underneath its occasional lapse into honest-to-god good creepiness and the somewhat formulaic "ancient evil reawakened" plot that we've seen countless times before (which preceded even the original), this is in essence a haunted house movie mixed with a fairy tale. That actually might be why I can say I enjoyed it. If you have some younger kids who don't mind an occasional scene of violence (I'm shocked this received an "R" rating considering there isn't any swearing or nudity), this could be a nice scary movie to watch with them one night. If you're uncertain about it though, just stick with an 80s or early 90s classic instead, and save this for a later date.


Tomorrow, we're going for a double dose of creature features, with BLOOD SURF and SHARK NIGHT.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 21

On the evening of its final hours before being closed and demolished, two hotel workers find themselves determined to uncover the haunted past of their place of employment.


I'm almost certain that Ti West is destined to appear on this list every year from now on, solely due to timing. Last year, I reviewed his acclaimed House of the Devil, which I damn near loved to death. Since then, he's gone on to write and direct this followup, and like that film, it shares a lot of things to like, but some that I think prevent it from being a truly GREAT movie.

Judging by his casting choices for the aforementioned Devil, West has a good eye for female leads. For me, Sara Paxton's Claire was very easy to identify with. Awkward, a bit nerdy, and pretty much dissatisfied with her position in life. Hell, that's me in a nutshell! But anyway, she's very mousey here too, and Pat Healy's Luke has some similarities personality-wise, but just enough of a difference that he doesn't feel like Claire with different genitalia. West loves to make this feel like an old time ghost story, with a heavy emphasis on slow build ups and even "chapter stops" riddled throughout its running time. This might make or break the film for a lot of people, since slowness with payoff in the final act was also prevalent throughout House of the Devil.

The film also contains a good sense of humor, which I was completely unaware of, but it helps keep it grounded and prevents the audience from drifting off. I wasn't aware that there would be such a heavy focus on jump scares though, and while I don't mind those in certain scenarios or pictures, I was hoping we'd see less of them from a ghost story of this nature. Without giving too much away, there is also a revelation of one of the guests being a medium, which seemed a little too coincidental and a tad bit silly, but I suppose there are only so many ways with which to deal with subject matter like this.

Was I blown away by this film as I was with West's previous work? Well, no. But it is worth a watch, so long as you don't set your expectations too high. I'd still say House of the Devil is the superior product, but then again, Ti West's career in horror is still relatively young, so we've only seen just the beginning of this potential future master of the craft.


Tomorrow, we stick around in modern times with DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK.

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 20

A man arrives at his ex-girlfriend's apartment to drop off her keys, but finds she isn't home. Almost immediately, a zombie virus starts to spread around Berlin, and he finds himself holed up in his ex's apartment along with a teenage plumber working next door. Together, they must find a way to survive and the man must also ensure that his ex can and WILL be found, safe and sound.


You know, outside of Nosferatu, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Anatomy, and Nekromantik, I can't recall the last time I've even HEARD of a horror film coming out of Germany. The country's views/laws on violence in the media has certainly been reflected in the outright banning of several flicks like Braindead and Evil Dead, and in specific metal band CDs from Cannibal Corpse and the like. So it is a rarity for something like this to even get off the ground.

Rammbock (subtitle Berlin Undead) isn't going to blow viewers away, but there really isn't anything to hate here either. The casting is fine, even if the acting ranges a bit from "fully awake" to "just going into college." It has an underlying sense of humor that doesn't feel too out of place, and it's always nice to see folks utilize what they have in order to survive, even if they aren't weapons of any sort. Outside of those ordinary belongings and staples of the genre, writer Benjamin Kressler does play with a few unique ideas. The fact that the zombies here were susceptible and sensitive to flash photography is a bit interesting, though it also made me wonder if these were the remnants of Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land. Someone who recalls specifics of Zombies 101, please let me know if this is something new or something that just isn't brought up in discussion.

I think it is unfortunate that this film's biggest flaws were something it probably couldn't help. For one thing, the film's only an hour long, and for a zombie movie, that is criminally short. We could have spent more time developing characters outside of one or two, or even helped set up better scares and kills. Speaking of kills, this is a surprisingly tame zombie movie. Perhaps the budget or Germany's censors are to blame, but outside of a couple of slightly graphic shots, you could have rated this PG-13 and nobody would have complained.

Overall, Rammbock is.....just okay. What, were you expecting me to say anything more? Well, I can't. The film's only an hour long after all.

A young couple, Lucas and Clementine, live in a serene and quiet countryside. One night, after Clementine comes home from work, they both settle in for the evening. Several hours later, they soon find themselves being harassed and terrorized throughout the night by mysterious, hooded assailants, for apparently no reason whatsoever.



I'm coming to the conclusion that I just don't like modern French horror. While I applaud the creativity involved, and can appreciate the makeup and gore in certain instances (Inside, Martyrs), I just ultimately come away feeling disappointed EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I remember seeing the DVD cover to this back in my days of working at Hollywood Video, and at first glance, I dismissed it, thinking it was some forgettable, supernatural-inspired dreck. Au contraire, since the terror in this film comes from the complete opposite of that subject. I've always felt that the best modern horror comes from fear of the living, not the dead. Our couple/victims in Them feel very real, something that I have to give the casting director a lot of props for. This is something that I'm willing to bet was a major fault about its American remake. I don't necessarily think that unknown casts work best all the time, but it does here. They feel like they could be any couple possible, which adds to its overall feeling of dread and could drive more anxious viewers to paranoia.

Now of course comes the part where I become a nitpicking asshole. First off, this is by far the slowest film I've encountered on the list, and possibly the slowest of the "French Horror" flicks I've seen to date. I honestly almost nodded off during certain points that were supposed to be integral to the plot (or whatever resembles it). Another major complaint I have revolves around the couple themselves. I know that we as human beings can act pretty dumb when we're scared, but never this stupid. There are two different scenes where we witness the couple using a cell phone and utensils, neither of which they figure to use during the horror portion of the film. It is utterly absurd, and their complete cowardice at times isn't helping break the old stereotype about the French being "pussies." It drove me nuts.

Well yes, yes I have. And it still didn't help, especially when you consider that this is supposed to be based off of true events. Hell, there are films out there involving the "home invaders" plot device that I enjoy, like Single White Female, Black Christmas, and Funny Games. Whatever the case, I can respect certain parts of Them, but I don't think I'm going to be revisiting this one any time soon. C'est la vie.


Tomorrow, I FINALLY get around to reviewing Ti West's THE INNKEEPERS.