Unseen Terror: Day 24

A tourist town called Ocean Beach (yes, really) has been ridden with a number of murders and disappearances in the past few weeks, with usually nothing but skeletons stripped to the bone being discovered. Soon, suspicions arise that a killer may in the town's midst...a killer octopus that is!

This is one of the those films that solely exists due to Jaws being as successful as it was. The plots and scenes are nearly identical at times, and both involve killer underwater creatures. Hell, there were several knockoffs that were released within a five year gap afterwards, including Piranha, Orca, Tinoterra, and Devil Fish just to name a few. The difference between Jaws and Tentacles though, is that this film sucks ass through a straw. It's hard to believe THREE people wrote this, seeing as how I'm sure even I could have written this in one evening on a bar napkin after a few beers and too many viewings of Animal Planet.

Here's where I'd talk about the cast and/or characters, but I couldn't tell you a single thing about them except that they've all done better than this. Henry Fonda, John Huston, Shelley Winters and Bo Hopkins are all very talented in their own right, but their characters are so forgettably bland that you wonder why they were even in here at all. The dialogue is laughably bad at times, even to the point where I wonder if MST3K ever considered lampooning this one (or if someone could make a version with nothing but quotes from The Room inserted throughout). But as bad as the characters are written, the score is ten times worse. I don't think I've ever heard a more inappropriate score in my life. It alternates between synthrock and disco when it isn't busy barraging us with an EXCRUCIATINGLY annoying harpsichord sound effect, which I guess was supposed to be their version of the classic "Dun Dun" sound heard in Jaws, except this makes you want to throw your own shit at the screen every time you hear it.

Now even with all of that which I've complained about, none of it compares to the final act. Everything at this point had just been stupid and mostly boring. But then, within the last 20 minutes, it descends into madness. And by madness, I mean "you've GOT to be fucking kidding me" mode. SPOILERS BELOW:

Two characters which we know little to nothing about decide to bring in two killer whales to save the day and kill the title creature. One of them even claims he can communicate with them, and asks them, nay, PLEADS with them with as much enthusiasm as a confused camel, to kill it. And guess what? THEY DO! The whales save the day, slowly tugging at it for 10 minutes and finally killing it.

It was at that point when I just said "Alright, fuck this movie." Damn near everything about it sucks, although it is another one I could say to watch with your friends and/or with some drinks present. But if you watch it alone, don't say I didn't warn you.

Tomorrow, I stay in Wilmington, but might regret it since I'm viewing DEAD HEIST.