I'm choosing to fill a small part of the gray area in my life with random reviews from the realms of cinema, music, and more things that are generally looked down upon by society. And you've chosen to read them apparently.
Two years after the Avengers' monumental battle with Loki in New York City, Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, is struggling to fit in and adjust to modern society. After helping secure and free a S.H.I.E.L.D.-occupied ship under peculiar circumstances, he meets with leader Nick Fury. While there, he is introduced to Project Incite, a series of helicarriers designed to monitor and eliminate future threats to the world. However, when a new enemy nicknamed "The Winter Soldier" emerges, Rogers dives into deeper territory than he ever expected to, and uncovers secrets of S.H.I.E.L.D. that could rock the organization to its very core.
It took me a great deal of time (well, realistically it was only two years) to label myself as a fan of the first "real" Captain America film in 2011. Perhaps I had set my expectations too high after the rather entertaining Thor, or perhaps I just suspected that this would serve as nothing more than a stepping stone to the quite excellent The Avengers, down to including a teaser trailer for the latter in its post-credits scene. Thankfully, I found it to be a lot more entertaining after a second and third viewing, and would actually go so far to call it a very underrated comic book film, even if it did end up bringing in over three hundred million dollars globally.
Captain America: The Winter Soldier shares only a handful of things in common with the first film. For one, the previous picture felt more like a throwback and love letter to the golden age of adventure stories, be they in written form or motion pictures. I imagine that this choice is why it seemed to make or break it for many people, but it was something you had to warm up to, especially since it came from the director of another golden age homage from the 90s called The Rocketeer. For the sequel, however, this is Captain America having to get used to this day and age being a thing of the past, and having to come to the sudden realization that this is a drastically different world we live in, be it for better or worse.
After the screening wrapped up, I had multiple thoughts running through my head. The main one that stuck out was the following: much like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine and Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man, Chris Evans IS Captain America. True, Jackman's own adventures as Logan have been very debatable in terms of quality (though the poor end results of X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine aren't really his fault), but Evans just hits it out of the park, and I don't want to see the mantle passed to anybody else. This might be all the more fitting given that Evans was recently quoted as saying that he'd like to retire from acting once his contract with Marvel Studios has run up (and it sounds like he has no qualms with playing the character). Personally, I wouldn't fault him for doing it. This is very likely going to his legacy, and despite his very entertaining performance in The Avengers, I believe that this is what people will fondly remember him for. Like a true team player, he doesn't completely upstage anybody surrounding or supporting him. Scarlett Johansson's performance as Black Widow has also shockingly grown on me more than I expected, though she does have a few "cornball" lines here and there. Then again, when noted feminist Joss Whedon isn't writing your dialogue this time around, that may not come as a huge surprise. Veteran actors like Robert Redford (playing a very curious senior S.H.I.E.L.D. official) also show up, lending a helping hand and increasing the "legitimacy" of the picture.
For all of the talk about the characters being portrayed excellently, there's also a damn fine story to go along with it. The Winter Soldier sports a surprisingly well-structed and smart narrative packed full of political intrigue that mercifully doesn't alienate or confuse its audience. It does require you to have a fairly decent memory of the first film though, which can compromise some of the overall enjoyment. And while The Avengers sported some outrageously expensive-looking and thrilling action sequences, this picture's action sequences could arguably rival its predecessor's and at times, surpass it with flying colors. Where I complained two weeks ago about a film like Sabotage being rather lazily shot and puzzlingly clumsy, The Winter Soldier's cinematography is anything but. There are an incredible amount of bullets sprayed and no lack of body parts struck by other body parts, but all of it is quite clear and expertly done (kudos to one Trent Opaloch, who also worked on science fiction pieces like District 9 and Elysium). The fact that even smaller characters such as Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury get a time to shine and their sequences are all the more memorable as some featuring the main cast is a testament to how great this motion picture truly is.
If you had told me that a film directed by the same men who directed the usually-forgotten comedy You, Me, and Dupree would end up delivering what may have been my favorite Marvel Studios picture to date, I would have asked for you to be shaved, sterilized, and shot into space. If you had told me that it is arguably one of the best films in this still-maligned and unfairly mocked genre since 2008's The Dark Knight, again, I would have scoffed at you. But my goodness, Captain America: The Winter Soldier delivers on nearly everything you want in a bigger-budget picture without forsaking its brain. It's a necessary viewing for those who don't believe that niche or "geeky" properties can please both sides of the spectrum and it raises the bar on this special little medium we have and usually adore.
And yes, you should stay for the mid-credits and post-credits scene. They're both quite excellent.
After completing a massive drug bust at a Columbian drug cartel's place of residence, DEA captain John "Breacher" Wharton and his unit celebrate and breathe a sigh of relief. Though the man and his crew have been accused of taking money from the scene of the crime, they are oblivious to the missing evidence, and continue to celebrate on a job well done. Things start to turn sour, however, when members of John's crew start dying one by one. Is this linked with their cartel bust? Or does this have to do with something from the past that is now coming back to haunt the crew?
As I left Carmike Cinemas tonight, I came to the odd realization that this was the first Arnold Schwarzenegger-led film that I've seen in a theater as an adult. Aside from that thought making me feel very old, it also made me recall the days of yesteryear for the Austrian-American actor and former California governor. I grew up on many of the man's action and adventure films of the eighties and nineties, many of which I and my friends will defend to the death as fantastic forms of entertainment. In recent years though, he hasn't exactly been the muscled, lovable cheeseball darling of the media. For starters, an affair with a housekeeper that resulted in a divorce and previously undiscovered child, along with a very silly appearance at the 2004 Republican National Convention definitely brought the "Governator" down a few pegs in the public eye. Even if he was coming out in favor of same sex marriage or supporting the legalization of marijuana, the damage was done, and when he decided to return to full time acting in 2011, it showed at the box office intake. Thankfully, Arnold's newest picture Sabotage is coming out during the period when the audiences are pretty desperate for any form of entertainment (it's thanks to these "dry" months that we have the upcoming A Haunted House 2. *shudder*), so maybe there's hope for the man after all.
I couldn't help but feel like this was a movie with delusions of grandeur. It wants to tell the audience that it's full of intrigue, with a great "whodunnit" theme felt throughout every mood swing, but the problem is that any viewer, be they casual or hardcore, has seen it all before. Heck, most audiences have seen this in different genres for crying out loud. The film starts out slightly similar to one of Arnold's older classics from the 1980s, the science fiction piece Predator, with a sizable team of loud, boisterous, and somewhat one-note characters taking down a large threat with deadly force and surprising brutality. Within no amount of time, something comes up that leads to the team being mysteriously killed off in very violent ways. However, it shifts into the territory of motion pictures like Identity or Scream, with the remaining faces and figures trying to unravel a mystery that may hold secrets to a certain character's past. If this sounds like something worth watching, it damn well is. However, Sabotage isn't the film that you're looking for which will combine these elements into something that flows smoothly.
For starters, as macho or comical as some of the characters in the aforementioned films might be, they were wholly memorable or relatable. You could recall what it was that made you like someone such as Predator's Dutch or Billy, or even Scream's Sidney Prescott. Nobody in Sabotage, save for arguably Schwarzenegger's leader "Breach," has anything distinguishable about them, and Breach is the only individual who is given a background and reason for doing what he does (mostly thanks to one five minute-long scene of exposition). As for his crew? Well, they're mostly a lineup of the "who's who" of police and crime pictures. There's the female (The Killing's Mireille Enos), the black guy (Hustle & Flow's Terrence Howard), the man who looks like a rejected member of the Wyatt Family (True Blood's Joe Manganiello), and the other white, bald, occasionally tattooed men. Oh, and Sam Worthington (Avatar) is in there somewhere as well. Every member of Breach's task force is just a lousy, irritating cliche, and you wonder why they're trying to tell the audience that you have to feel bad when any of them bites the dust. Arnold also interacts with a mostly flat female F.B.I. agent played by Olivia Williams (Rushmore), but you'd never know that she's with the Bureau since they are portrayed as being completely worthless or just plain inept at their job. Apparently the DEA are the be all, end all of badassery, and other forces are insignificant puny worms. Maybe I could blame this on the script needing some work, but I think that I've used that copout too much in previous reviews.
Speaking of the script, I suppose that I should have done my research about it beforehand. The poster for Sabotage is a blatant lie, as this was actually a joint effort by director David Ayer and a man named Skip Woods. Ayer's track record is mostly positive, lying in the crime and police drama genres with pictures like Training Day and S.W.A.T. Skip Woods, on the other hand, is the man who helped bring such memorable duds as Hitman and X-Men Origins: Wolverine to the big screen. I'd be willing to suspect that most of the latter's influence is what made it through to the final product. Thankfully, some of the script isn't completely limp. For the very, very brief moments of comedy that there are, Arnold makes a few lines work that would normally fall flat in the hands of others (I'll be waiting for an isolated clip of him spouting "Is that a dick?" to pop up online). As much time as I've spent on blasting the script's weaknesses, it does possess a certain hook that will keep you from tuning out of the product completely. Maybe that's just part of the Arnold charm though. I mean honestly, can you name a film starring the man that you've flat out turned off and never finished? Well, outside of his late-90s pictures. And Red Sonja. And Last Action Hero. And any comedy he did not called Jingle All The Way or Twins…...You know what? Let me retract that last question and move on.
I can't really fault anybody for wanting to see Sabotage, as it really isn't a terrible movie per se, but I just didn't come away feeling particularly impressed by anything that I saw (even the action sequences are brought down by erratic cinematography). While the nostalgic Arnold Schwarzenegger fan in me hopes that it does well at the box office (at least until Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out next week), solely so that the man will continue to be in demand, it falls more into the dreaded category of "Meh." Since all of the negatives outweigh the positives, and the negatives aren't even offensively bad, this might serve as the definition of a Redbox rental. I would certainly think that paying anything more than six dollars to see it would be a stunningly bad mistake.
But on the plus side, it's infinitely more watchable than Batman and Robin.
Boy. When it comes to converting days to weeks, especially for the purpose of this blog and my writing, I am in dire need to do such a thing, especially since this is long overdue. This could be the only rational explanation behind putting out my final picks for the best and worst of 2013 during the first day of MARCH. But, given that the next iteration of the Academy Awards is just around the bend (tomorrow to be more approximate), let's just dive right in and churn these out, shall we? As always, keep in mind that lists like these are entirely subjective, and as mentioned in my previous posts, I did not get around to checking out everything that I wanted to (I still need to watch 12 Years A Slave, Dallas Buyers Club, and Gravity). I've also ensured myself that this will not stand in 2014, as my goal is to view a new film at least every two weeks if time and money are kind to me. True, there are also a significant amount of more important things to strive for, but in terms of keeping me inspired for writing, I believe the quantity must be increased manyfold. In addition to my top ten favorite pictures of the year, there will naturally be a bottom five listed below, just to appease the folks who enjoy watching or hearing about me suffer. Why bottom five as opposed to ten? Because I'm not going to suffer for longer than a certain duration of time, that's why.
THE BEST
10. Star Trek: Into Darkness
If you're wondering where in the world my review for this big budget bonanza is, then you'll have to keep wondering, as I was simply too busy to type up a full review while seeing this in a Maryland theater (it also coincided with the rather hectic and time-consuming Maryland Death Fest). What I can tell you is that while I was never a passionate fan of the series in any of its iterations, I did enjoy some of The Next Generation and at least one of its many films released during its tenure on television. I've never understood why director J.J. Abrams has gotten so much slack from long time fans, especially since he's dragged this franchise out of the muck and bad review piles, and into the smart, well-acted, and all around engaging blockbuster piles now. Speaking of acting, Benedict Cumberbatch needs to play as many villains as humanly possible.
9. This Is The End
Why yes, I am indeed putting an apocalyptic stoner comedy in my top ten of the year list, and there isn't anything you can do about it! But in all seriousness, the Rogen/Goldberg formula doesn't always necessarily deliver on the laughs, and I was terrified that this would be a self-serving vanity piece that would be more for "their friends" than an actual paying audience. Luckily, I was proven wrong, as this proves to be one of the funnier pictures I've seen from this troupe and crew since Superbad in 2007. It was also chocked full of darkly humorous nods to the horror and disaster film genres, which is always a welcome addition with this bearded weirdo.
8. In A World…
Lake Bell's directorial debut was one of the truly perplexing pictures of the previous year. In that, I mean it seems to have been largely ignored outside of a few smaller independent award gatherings. A true shame, as the women poured her heart and soul into a fantastic little comedy-drama that I've already discussed about at length on here. It was equal parts inspiring story and feminist power tale without being overly pushy or obvious. Oh, and it may alter your perception of the "sexy baby" voice on women forever.
7. The World's End
This is another one that I've already talked about at length on here, so I'm not sure about what else to say. Smart, witty, unique, and all around fucking hilarious, this was probably the best comedy of the year that you (yes you) didn't get around to watching yet. In fact, you should watch it twice, as I'm certain that repeated viewings will help you pick up little things you never noticed before. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost switching roles worked surprisingly well, and the fight sequences rivaled anything seen by bigger American productions. While I'm sad that the "cornetto trilogy" has come to an inevitable close, Edgar Wright is a tremendously talented man, and I'll be awaiting (and following on twitter) for any future projects that the Englishman and his tremendous troupe of friends will churn out.
6. American Hustle
And here is where I expect some complaints, as I'm sure this ended up on numerous folks' top five list, with some even making it their choice for the best picture of the year. Heck, it even seems to be a shoe-in for "Best Picture" at tomorrow night's Academy Awards. So why only number six? Because I saw six films that I personally enjoyed more you cro-mag. If I didn't enjoy the picture, why would I have it on my own "end of the year" list? All of my mini-rambling aside, the acting here is top notch, the comedy and character drama are spliced together exceptionally well to the point where it just feels pretty seamless, and the story, as complex as it may get at times, is a fairly solid and well-thought-out one. I absolutely loved the background story of how Christian Bale and Amy Adams' characters first met, and Jennifer Lawrence is the best blonde actress working in the business today.
5. Stoker
While it was met with a fairly mixed reaction from critics and fans, I was utterly fascinated by Chan-Wook Park's American film debut, and mesmerized by its very dark, and often-times disturbing story of a family falling apart following the re-emergence of a lost and forgotten relative. Again, I've talked about this quite a bit before, so feel free to travel to that "search" bar near the top to seek out my original review. Or better yet, go visit your local Redbox and give this very odd horror tale a go. Even if you hate it, there are parts that will stay glued to your brain for some time.
4. Mud
I never got around to seeing Dallas Buyers Club in time for this recap/best of list, nor have I ventured into the realm of True Detective just yet. However, I did get around to seeing Matthew McConaughey's first step back into stardom with this incredible picture. A modern take on the "coming of age" formula made popular by old classics like Stand By Me, this was just as heartwarming as it was heartbreaking. Again, with the death of video outlets around the globe, you owe it to yourself to head to a Redbox or "Mom and Pop" outlet (if they still exist) and watch this as soon as you can. Unlike Stoker, I don't see this dividing audiences, but rather uniting them with a very tender and relatable story.
3. Blue Ruin
This motion picture's wider release can't come soon enough, and I'm beyond happy that they're receiving one to begin with. Director Jeremy Saulnier's sophomore outing is a real killer picture (pun possibly intended), with the director and his crew pouring their blood, sweat, tears and very hard-earned cash into a dark, violent, and even occasionally humorous revenge picture. As I said in my review from November, when I was first lucky enough to catch this, it turned out to beeasily the best film I watched at this year's Cucalorus Film Festival in Wilmington, North Carolina, even if it was only one of three films that I was able to catch. Haunting and taut, Blue Ruin is up there in stature and importance with older classics like Blood Simple and Chan-Wook Park's Vengeance trilogy.
2. Her
A part of me wants to berate writer and director Spike Jonze for making me shed tears in a theater for the first time since Toy Story 3. Another part of me, that which towers over the other, wants to ask how in the world one comes up with such a beautiful, unique, amusing, and most importantly, ORIGINAL film such as this. I'm certain that like Joaquin Phoenix's main character, we all feel heartache and loneliness from time to time, and even question about what truly constitutes a relationship in this day and age. You may find the idea of a grown man in love with an operating system to be absurd, but once you have surpassed the twenty minute mark, it isn't whatsoever. In fact, the last thing it deserves is damning from any individual walking the planet. What does deserve damning is the lack of an academy award nomination for Scarlett Johansson's performance as Samantha, the operating system in question. It brings to mind another question, that of if a performer needs to be physically present in order to captivate and garner attention (see Andy Serkis' performances). I don't believe so, but hopefully someone will persuade the Academy to change their minds someday.
1. The Wolf Of Wall Street
Come now, are you really surprised that I chose this as my favorite film of the year? Martin Scorsese rarely misses in the realm of pictures dealing with crime, drugs, fame, and excess. In fact, he revels in bringing these pictures to life just as much as Jordan Belfort, the title character, seems to revel in all of the mostly illegal activities listed above. But then again, calling Wolf a crime picture might not be completely accurate, as this could also be categorized as a very vulgar and dark comedy if you come into it with an open mind. Well, that and you're not offended by profanity nearly every few seconds. At nearly three hours long, making it through The Wolf of Wall Street may seem like a task to finish at first glance, but once you're sucked into the story, all the more enhanced by Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill's nearly-perfect performances (and I rarely use the "p" word on here), the time flies by quicker than a penny stock sale to a poor, uninformed customer. I'll even go so far as to say that this is up there with Scorsese's Goodfellas in terms of memorability and importance, though its own debauchery far surpasses that of Henry Hill and his friends. To paraphrase Chicago's infamous professional wrestling crowd, "If Leo doesn't win the 'Best Actor' award, we riot."
And that should do it for the best of the best. There are some honorable mentions worth noting though, including the creative and very cool American Mary, the refreshing ghost story known as The Conjuring, Pacific Rim, which was an unabashed good time for a giant geek like myself, and Elysium, director Neill Blomkamp's second foray into science fiction-based action pictures.
But for every action, there is a reaction. And for every enjoyable picture, there are those which are the visual equivalent of watching a human being run around naked while eating a bowl of excrement. These five pictures are…not as bad as that visualization, but they are still my five least favorite films of 2013.
THE WORST:
5. A Haunted House
I realize now that I was entirely too kind to this film. In fact, I'm convinced that I may have been on numerous prescription drugs that day, since I clearly recall saying that the film, while bad, wasn't offensively terrible like I assumed it was going to be. This early prognosis has been shattered by the revelation that there is a sequel coming out within no time to this very lazy, homophobic, idiotic, and just all around boring motion picture that attempts to pass itself off as a parody. I want to say that the Wayans Family legacy has been severely hurt by this film's existence, but WHAT legacy?
4. Grudge Match
With apologies to certain people perusing and/or reading this post, I really couldn't believe as to how bland and just plain awful this so-called comedy was. Robert De Niro mercifully redeemed himself with a minor role in American Hustle, but Sylvester Stallone should know better by this point. Come to think of it, every single person involved in this cast should have known better, though Kevin Hart may have just taken this for a paycheck and an opportunity to work with prolific actors and actresses. Fun fact: I almost saw this picture twice, as before my screening of The Wolf of Wall Street began, the reel for this started to play, and I had to tell an usher that the wrong picture had started. Thankfully, it took me approximately five seconds to realize that this horror had begun, and the day was saved.
3. Movie 43
This now infamous sketch comedy anthology has had nearly every insult and bad review in the book thrown at it, and every actor and actress has been chastised for even participating in it, be it for money, as a favor, or by accident. So what more can I of this largely undiscovered blog add to the table? Well, I'd be putting nowhere near as much effort as Peter Farrelly did in assembling this, but I'd be trying to my damnedest to make certain that you receive more chuckles than this festering pile of feces produced. And there weren't many. Truth be told, the final segment "Beezel," written and directed by the usually reliable James Gunn and starring a cartoon cat sexually obsessed with his owner, may be worse than either of the other films listed below in their entirety. Keep in mind, this is the same James Gunn that is also directing the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy adaptation. I'm not saying that you should approach that picture with caution, but his inclusion here may cause you to think less of him.
2. Identity Thief
I've ranted about this picture at length before, but in recent months, my initial thoughts of "it just isn't that funny" were downgraded, transforming into something along the lines of "I want every character here to die slowly." Identity Thief's own lack of effort and awful, cringe-inducing forced storytelling is especially insulting towards those who have been the victim of identity theft themselves (of which I was the victim on three separate occasions in 2013). The only sensible and redeeming conclusion this picture could have reached would have been if Jason Bateman decided to throw Melissa McCarthy into oncoming traffic after setting her on fire. Instead, it drops a subtle hint of a possible sequel down the line. Oh no.
1. InAPPropriate Comedy
There's one question I'm sure my friends and coworkers would ask me after I tell them that InAPPropriate Comedy was the worst picture I've seen in many years: "What did you expect?" I expected nothing. Absolutely nothing. I go into a large portion of movies with a completely open mind, believing that even at the bottom of the barrel, you can still find something positive worth mentioning and pulling out. I enjoyed T.I.'s performance in Identity Thief, and I didn't despise the "Superhero Speed Dating" segment of Movie 43 (even if it was blatantly stolen from an internet sketch that came out beforehand). For crying out loud, I even got one insignificant chuckle out of Meet the Spartans, which stood as the worst picture I had ever seen for at least five years!
There is not a single thing to like about this film or any of the "sketches" involved. It is the equivalent of an annoying preteen tying you up and squirting you with a super soaker filled with horse urine and sulfuric acid. Director Vincent Offer (yes, the same man behind the Shamwow and the Slap Chop) somehow manages to out-Movie 43 the previously released Movie 43 by trying to shove as much racism, sexism, stereotypes, and ripoffs into eighty-three minutes as humanly possible. Adrien Brody's performance as "Flirty Harry" is proof that we need a new rule set by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences where one's oscar can be taken back if they help set a new standard for horridness in film. I also pray that I never meet Ari Shaffir in person, since his recurring sketches revolving around the character known as "The Amazing Racist" draws the wrong kind of heat, making you want to punch the actor in the face, and not the character. I also wonder if any effort or thought was put into the "Blackass" sketches, which are outdated and could cause one to gauge out their own eyes in hopes that a nearby neighbor would skullfuck them to death. This isn't uptight "conservative" speak either mind you, as films like This Is The End and The Wolf of Wall Street were also quite crude, but managed to pack in genuine laughs. All that InAPPropriate Comedy manages to do is make you feel sorry for Rob Schneider.
If you're still wondering about how I feel about InAPPropriate Comedy, let me just sum it up with five simple words:
Well, there you finally, and I do mean FINALLY, have it. I hope you folks enjoy the Oscars and the "best of" pictures that I recommended. Shockingly, I'll be watching in hopes that someone gets drunk and pisses all over the usually smug and well-behaved audience. That, and I want to see who wins in the major categories. Isn't that why people tune into those sort of things?
I'll also be returning very soon with more reviews, including something special in anticipation of Legendary Pictures' reboot of my childhood favorite Godzilla. So stay tuned!
Well, this certainly took longer than I expected it to. Then again, when one considers that the likes of the folks working at The Wrestling Observer and That Guy With The Glasses usually put up their "best of" lists towards the end of the first month of the new year, it becomes slightly less embarrassing. Combine that with having an EEG, which resulted in the possible diagnosis of epilepsy, and I have admittedly been getting a little sidetracked. Meandering aside, let us dive into what most of my friends would care to read about, which are my own personal choices for the best and worst of 2013 in the realm of records and movies.
Honestly, I think that in terms of overall satisfaction, this was quite lackluster compared to years prior. A large chunk of blockbusters with an abnormal amount of hype (and in some cases, absurdly expensive budgets) failed to live up to expectations, or in some cases, just plain stank. We weren't without some fabulously entertaining moments however, especially when "awards season" kicked off. Music was also exceptional this year, and there are quite a lot of records that I will feel sad leaving off of my own personal top twenty list because it was just that stacked. Before I reveal my own picks, I'll just get one thing out of the way: I only listened to perhaps two records this year that I strongly disliked, but couldn't bring myself to flat out hate. Those two albums were Queensryche-Frequency Unknown and Black Sabbath-13. With the former, it seems like an easy target, but considering the pompous feeling that resonates during every track, coupled with the hilarious drama surrounding the formerly great band (this album's initials are "F U" after all), I couldn't help but give Mr. Geoff Tate's incarnation of Queensryche a dishonorable mention. As for Sabbath, it truly does break my heart to have to say anything negative about the band these days, or any day for that matter. Still, the album did absolutely nothing for me, and its glossy production (courtesy of the usually great Rick Rubin) didn't help disguise the mostly soulless playing heard throughout. And yes, I'm still in favor of Bill Ward coming back to the band, even though I still love Brad Wilk and his previous work with Rage Against the Machine.
Now that I've spent my time essentially taking a dump on the legends of old and their reluctance to hang it up, let us dive into my top twenty albums of 2013. Due to the sheer size seen here, this will be end up as a three part posting, as opposed to last year's two parter, with today encompassing records only. So if you don't particularly care about these styles of music, check back later for my choices for the best and worst of movies in 2013.
20. Revocation-Revocation
For some reason, this band never quite clicked with me every time I had listened to them, and I thought they sounded like a weaker version of Burnt By The Sun when I saw them live, but I'm willing to eat a big bowl of crow for these previous thoughts. This self-titled album contains very solid technical, thrashy death metal with quite catchy and precise guitar solos. True, I think the vocals could still use some work, but these guys are quite young after all. Did I mention that they make good use of a friggin' banjo?!
19. Power Trip-Manifest Decimation
I hinted last year that I was mostly bored with hardcore now, but the modern Texas crossover madmen still managed to keep my attention (and not just by signing with Southern Lord Recordings) by getting even heavier, faster, and more retro-sounding. Yes, the thrash revival of the modern era has pretty much overstayed its welcome, but I suspect that Power Trip, along with a couple of other particular bands who will show up later on this list, will be around much longer than folks will suspect.
18. Paint It Black-Invisible
Speaking of hardcore, Dan Yemin is the man. An intelligent, well spoken musician with a doctorate in psychology, the Paint it Black frontman has been around for over twenty years, recording music with an assortment of acts that seem to (shockingly) get better and better every time a new project forms. As for why this doesn't rank higher? Well, for one thing, it is only an EP, as opposed to an entire album. Shortness aside, the six tracks of melodic hardcore heard here are all winners, and make me salivate at the possibility of a new full-length arriving sooner than later.
17. Blood Ceremony-The Eldritch Dark
Okay, I'll confess to being almost sick to death of the retro metal revival/70s worship that seems to be the bees knees among most music critics and fans these days (I apologize if I'm complained about this before). I'm more fascinated by seeing where the genre is going to go, rather than see it take several steps back. All of that grumbling aside, most of the music that has been coming out has been very, very good. I'm legitimately surprised that I never gave this band a listen before, especially considering the quality of albums released by Rise Above Records and my penchant for most bands who convey a very psychedelic "cult initiation" feeling. And what Revocation was able to do with a banjo, these Canadians manage to do with a flute, and several times at that.
16. Cough/Windhand-Reflections of the Negative (Split)
No, this is not favoritism because my band has played with these two Virginia doom bands several times. And no, I'm not choosing this over Windhand's own full-length released this year in order to be "cool." Truth be told, I actually haven't gotten around to checking out Windhand-Soma due to my own incompetence. I chose this because all three songs featured here just crush your very soul, especially the haunting two pieces from the latter. I'm not exactly certain about what runs through the waters of Richmond that helps to create such memorable, dirging madness, but I think we could use a bit of it here.
15. Weekend Nachos-Still
Was it just me, or did this new release from this well-known raging hardcore/powerviolence group just kind of come and go without much attention? Maybe this is just due to the fact that I think the band should be much bigger than they are at the moment, and have been getting even heavier with every release. Oh, I forget that sometimes that is a kiss of death in an occasionally choosy scene littered with short attention spans. But speaking of short, if you're in the mood for short, fast, angry, and even a little bit of sarcastic music (they may pack the most random and hilarious merch around), give this a whirl.
14. Russian Circles-Memorial
When it comes to the world of post-rock and post-metal, some albums resonate so well, you can't really post or discuss an individual track, since it feels like you're doing a disservice to the other equally mighty and impressive songs featured throughout. Such is the newest work from long-running instrumentalists Russian Circles, who may have made their strongest and most emotional album to date. If you're willing to submit to this style, you can find it is quite the journey, full of mixed emotions (all ultimately positive) and memorable parts, including a guest vocal(!) appearance from someone who will appear later on the list. I'm quite giddy to finally see them live for the first time next month.
13. Off With Their Heads-Home
I'm quite pissed off with myself that I didn't know misery-loving punk rockers Off With Their Heads had released a new album in the first quarter of the year, and I didn't discover this fact until NOVEMBER. It is a crying shame since I think that with more time, this could have easily made my top ten of the year. Mind you, this is by no means the fault of anyone or anything but myself, considering that the band is just as pissed as I am, but with many more catchy hook-laden choruses and verses than I could ever hope to come up with. If you're ever craving a band that proves the old formula of two negatives equal a positive (in this case, one is a listener down in the dumps, and the other is lyricist Ryan Young), you may have found your new favorite act.
12. Blockheads-This World Is Dead
I may have to retract that statement about savaging the old guard, since France's Blockheads have been around since 1992, grinding and raging with the very best of them. At the risk of losing any potential future readers from "big" publications, good god almighty does this album rule very, VERY hard, especially if you're a fan of bands like Napalm Death, Terrorizer, and Nasum. Perhaps it could use a little more diversity among its twenty-five tracks, but you'll be too busy screaming with the socio-political lyrics and thrashing around wherever you may be to care or notice.
11. Magic Circle-Magic Circle
Having mentioned this supergroup in last year's "honorable mentions" list, I was pleased to learn that they didn't just fade into obscurity like other side projects in the hardcore scene, especially given how un-hardcore they are. Instead, they came back with a vengeance, releasing one of the most soaring traditional doom metal records I've heard in some time. Who would have thought that the singer for The Rival Mob had these type of pipes on him? I expect that by this time next year, Magic Circle will have been picked up by a more prominent record label. If not, there is no justice in this world.
Note: unfortunately, nearly every track from the self-titled effort has not been approved for sharing on blogspot, so I implore you to copy and paste this link into your browser for enjoyment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2y1iWZop6Q
10. Toxic Holocaust-Chemistry of Consciousness
Evil, catchy, speedy without going too long, and drug-laden. It's a new Toxic Holocaust record, what more can you ask for? Okay, that description isn't very subtle, but Joel Grind and crew (which used to just be Grind himself) pull no punches on this fifth album, churning out punk-inspired thrash and speed metal like nobody's business. While I don't think it can compete with their works of old (crap, there's my elitist side coming out), it is miles ahead of most other acts out there, mostly thanks to the exceptional production from Converge's Kurt Ballou. Plus, the video for single "Acid Fuzz" is appropriately fitting.
9. Mammoth Grinder-Underworlds
If riff city is a real place, Mammoth Grinder live in the nicest area one could find. Or is it the nastiest part? Okay, I can't do geography jokes very well, but it doesn't really matter in the end when the music kicks your ass this much. Like Power Trip and the now-defunct (or are they?) Iron Age, these Texans know how to pack a devastating punch to every part of your body that is vulnerable, and again, have been getting heavier with each release. If Dismember, Venom, and Motorhead were thrown into a blender….well, they'd all be deceased, and it would create a bloody mess. Alright, I'll quit with the jokes! Go listen to this and headbang until your neck snaps.
8. Skeletonwitch-Serpents Unleashed
Incredible cover art aside, Skeletonwitch's last two records did almost nothing for me. Live, the blackened-thrash metal band still destroys most out there, but it just felt like they were going with the flow. Thankfully, making the decision to team up with Kurt Ballou and Alan Douches on the producing and mastering side of things may have breathed some new life into this band, as they haven't sounded this tight and alive in six years. This is a pure heavy metal album at its core. New cover art from the always incredible John Baizley was a nice bonus too. Bravo gentlemen.
7. Chelsea Wolfe-Pain is Beauty
Upon first listen, I almost put this in my "disappointment" pile, but with continual returns, and an insistence that I must be crazy to dislike a new record from the usually intoxicating Ms. Wolfe, I found myself enjoying it more and more. This is how one artist evolves while still staying true to themselves, and still being shrouded in the darkness and misery that made them popular in the first place. Chelsea's brand of goth and doom-tinged neofolk (no way to not sound like a pretentious dickbag there) is a bit of an acquired taste, but the woman is very talented nonetheless. With an opening slot for Queens of the Stone Age coming up, along with being featured in the new Game of Thrones teaser, the future is certainly much brighter than I think even she would have expected.
6. Clutch-Earth Rocker
If there was a category for best "comeback" record of the year, I think Clutch would have taken the award without any second thought. True, the band had not hit a slump or even released a bad album within the past few years, but I thought previous release Strange Cousins From the West was quite boring for the most part. Boredom will be the last thing on your mind while checking out Earth Rocker though, as this is no-frills, no bullshit, riff-filled stoner rock and roll. For the longest part of their career, Clutch were unmatched in this category, and frontman/lyricist Neil Fallon said they just wanted to make a straight up good rock record this time. Well, I think you've delivered in spades my fellow Marylanders. To quote one Ashley Williams, it is quite "Groovy."
5. Subrosa-More Constant Than The Gods
Mother of mercy. Emotional doesn't even begin to describe the feelings one gets while listening to the female-fronted avant-garde sludge/doom metal group's second full-length, though an extra feeling that will come over you suggests that Profound Lore continue to be the champions of underground heavy music. From the get go, the haunting and violin-filled opening of "The Usher" sets the mood just perfectly, and you won't want the record to end, perhaps even in fear of the band members' lives or your own. I don't know if the band has any plans to tour outside of the West Coast in 2014, but should they read this, I implore that you stop somewhere in the Carolinas in the near future. Sludge metal and music in general this unique needs to be heard by more than a few select individuals.
4. Uncle Acid & The Deadbeats-Mind Control
Without a doubt, this band is THE talk of the town among hardcore metalheads right now, especially given that they'll be playing their first stateside show within four months of this post, and have even attracted the attention of people normally not interested in the genre. Heck, they even recently got to open for Black Sabbath in the United Kingdom, something unheard of for a band of their style (even if their own sound strongly harkens back to the originators' own heyday). This doesn't mean it isn't warranted, since the tracks provided on Mind Control are just as breathtaking and well-structured as previous record Bloodlust, making one feel as if they've been transported back to the decades where drug use was the norm, and psychotic cults were one of the most feared thoughts in the minds of families. If you haven't taken a chance on this band yet, you are missing out.
3. Purson-The Circle and the Blue Door
Speaking of Uncle Acid, these relative newcomers (also from the U.K.) were the openers on their own headlining tour, for which I can't express enough jealousy towards our overseas friends. It may not be fair to call Purson a metal band, since their love of mellotron and psychedelic overtones have more in common with late-60s bands like Jefferson Airplane than anything else. Heck, I've even seen them in interviews site The Beatles as their greatest influence. Good music is good music though, and the tracks provided here are equal parts enchanting, memorable, bewitching, and powerful. Oh, and their lead singer Rosalie can sing her ass off, which is always a plus. This honestly could have made the spot for my favorite record of the year, but like OWTH, I discovered this a little too late. Hopefully nobody else makes that same mistake.
2. Oathbreaker-Eros/Anteros
There were a plethora of records that went largely unnoticed in 2013, including some honorable mentions I'll bring up at the end of this list. Belgium metallic hardcore band Oathbreaker, who have appeared before on my EOTY list (Maelstrom came in at #12 in 2011), released their magnum opus earlier in the year, and not a single soul seemed to notice until the final weeks of the year were coming to a close. Me? Well, I've been trying to champion this record as much as I could to my friends who are into extreme music. The band has incorporated more elements from black metal, doom metal, and post-metal into their sound now, making for a truly harrowing and pulverizing experience. Frontwoman Caro Tanghe sounds like she's on the verge of being torn limb from limb, and on the crawling and creepy "The Abyss Looks Into Me," she sounds like she's eerily ready to depart this plane. Along with her equally furious bandmates, they have concocted a truly tremendous piece of work not just in the world of hardcore or metal, but in the world of music.
1. KEN Mode-Entrench
And here we have it, the cream of the crop. I didn't think that Canada's KEN Mode would be able to top the quite awesome Venerable from 2011, but I've been pleasantly proven wrong multiple times this year. With a steady lineup and an absolutely killer production job from Matt Bayles (who produced what is still my favorite Mastodon record, Remission), the combat sports and Anthony Peer-loving Canucks churned out the most furious, passionate, and destructive album of the year. While KEN Mode has been around for some time, they really did hone their sound this time around, which is a very dissident combination of sludge metal, noise rock, and post-hardcore. The lyrics are, for the most part, shockingly pessimistic throughout, and it reflects on you the listener. "Romeo Must Never Know" is the best song Isis never wrote, while the guest appearances from hardcore giants Dave Verellen and Tim Singer (of Botch and Deadguy respectively) on tracks "The Promises of God" and "No, I'm In Control" only add to the incredible effort put out. I would say that I'm "proud" of the guys for putting out something this damn good, especially given the praise that Venerable (rightly) received, but I don't think they need my good words, and would tell me to figure my life out.
And there you have it! Good lord did that take a long time to write. Shockingly, I am not done though, as there were a few honorable mentions worth talking about and also grabbing if you have the chance. They are:
-Nails-Abandon All Life (if there was a tie for #20, this would have been right up there)
-Holy-The Age Of Collapse (for the people who miss bands like Lewd Acts)
-Modern Life is War-Fever Hunting (welcome back fellas, even if it has only been five years)
-Ulcerate-Vermis (this was a very selective year for me and death metal)
-Creem-The Curator EP (still doing a great job, even if the vocals have changed a bit)
Come back soon for the posting of the best and worst for movies in 2013!
Hello. I realize that posts on here have been rather nonexistent since my Blue Ruin review, and I can only ascribe that to a myriad of problems, be they financial or personal. Whatever the case, this is no excuse when it comes to posting my inevitable "End of the Year" lists. Sure, I am about a week or two removed from the mostly miserable year known as 2013 being over, but the year did have a good amount of bright spots in the three things that help me keep a grasp on my sanity: movies, music, and mixed martial arts. There were also some fine moments that came out of the mostly-irritating promotion known as "World Wrestling Entertainment," though they love to seemingly do more to irk me rather than please me it seems. Procrastination and rambling aside, let us move forward. For those apathetic towards the world of mixed martial arts and professional wrestling, I may have to ask you to come back later for the important stuff (also known as the subjects that usually don't involve half naked individuals hurting one another).
Let us start with the WWE, since it will be easier and quicker to write about. And speaking of quicker and easier, my own lethargy will help get some of these other categories out of the way.
Best PPV: Summerslam 2013 (August 18, 2013) (even with the last match's victor losing his belt in eight seconds and with it leading to a push down the card) Worst PPV: Battleground (October 6, 2013) (quite possibly the worst ending to a PPV in years) Most Underrated: Antonio Cesaro (tied with Dolph Ziggler and Tyson Kidd. Push these people!) Most Overrated: Randy Orton (not a terrible performer, but horrendously boring and stale this year) Best Gimmick: The Wyatt Family (the creepiest and most unique promos this company has ever had, despite them not being tremendous performers) Worst Gimmick: Bad News Barrett (idiotic comedy coming from a very underrated performer. Late WCW-era levels of groaning)
Best Tag Team: Cody Rhodes and Goldust (an astonishing return from the latter) Worst Tag Team: Ryback and Curtis Axel (two negatives do not make a positive)
MATCH OF THE YEAR:
CM Punk v. Brock Lesnar (August 18, 2013)
The hype and build up to this was more than justified. Lesnar returning to the world of professional wrestling was a good reminder as to why he was so sorely missed: if booked properly, the man comes across as a monster, seemingly incapable of being stopped due to his sheer size, power, and credentials. Well, unless your name is Alistair Overeem or Cain Velasquez. That being said, along with individuals like Daniel Bryan, Antonio Cesaro, and the faction known as The Shield, CM Punk helps prevent me from changing the channel during these hard times. Perhaps you can attribute this to his demeanor, look, or honest-to-god great skills inside of the ring. Whatever the case, the resulting match was pure magic, albeit painful, cruel, and grueling. The only disappointment was the ignorance on the part of the WWE to even recognize its greatness during their own "Slammys" program at the end of the year (the borefest known as The Rock v. Cena 2 gets MOTY and this doesn't even get a NOMINATION?!). But sometimes the best matches, regardless of the sport, go unnoticed in the eyes of the corporate head honchos. This is what you should show to the folks who have since given up on this lost art form.
Honorable Mentions:
John Cena v. CM Punk (February 25, 2013)
Daniel Bryan v. John Cena (August 18, 2013)
Cody Rhodes/Goldust v. Roman Reigns/Seth Rollins (October 6, 2013)
Daniel Bryan v. Antonio Cesaro (July 22, 2013)
The Undertaker v. CM Punk (April 7, 2013)
WORST MATCH OF THE YEAR:
Total Divas v. True Divas (November 25, 2013)
Is it unfair to put a match featuring nearly every modern WWE "Diva" in this category? Possibly. But it doesn't excuse the match from being a total mess. I could go on a full fledged rant about the state of female wrestling in this company, and how they are clearly frightened to bring in any real talent (excluding "NXT's" Paige and Natalya Neidhart), but I don't feel I'd be saying anything that hasn't already been said. This was just a rushed, stupefying, and all around bad match. From what I understand, the match that preceded this the night before at Survivor Series (with the EXACT SAME TEAMS) was just as terrible, but I was working the night of that card. So this will have to do for now.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions:
Mark Henry v. Ryback (April 7, 2013)
Daniel Bryan v. Randy Orton (October 6, 2013)
Total Divas v. True Divas (any and all other times are acceptable)
BEST WRESTLER:
Daniel Bryan
While I don't believe there was a single person screwed over by a company any worse this year (save for Bellator's Eddie Alvarez), the man still transformed from mid-carder to main eventer and the fans absolutely loved every second of it. Alas, he is back down on the card, but the impact of his ascension has been felt. His "YES!" chants are more abundant than ever, more people (young and old) are talking about him than before, and if you believe the dirt sheets, he's poised for a major match at Wrestlemania that a very select few get to be a part of. I certainly hope that he's back in the title picture again soon, but even if he isn't, he may have been elevated above any title currently in the company.
Honorable Mentions:
CM Punk
John Cena (before you crucify me for this, let it be known that I can not stomach the guy, and think that about 90% of his matches are wretched to sit through. That being said, the man actually had a great year for memorable performances, including matches with the aforementioned Bryan, Punk, Damien Sandow, and the Shield. I await and welcome arguments)
WORST WRESTLER OF THE YEAR:
The Great Khali
I am completely baffled as to why this man is still on the roster. Immobile, sloppy, and embarrassing to watch these days, this former world champion has been reduced to a chest-slapping comedy character, and not a very good one at that. While I'm not completely against comedy in my wrestling, knowing that this man will most likely be confined to a wheelchair makes me more sad than anything, and I wish the WWE would just let the man retire while he is ahead.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions:
The Miz
Ryback
Eva Marie
Well, for all of you bickering and impatient people, the "fake" stuff is done and dealt with. Now, let us move on to the bloodier part of this post: the mixed martial arts awards. Before listing off my choices, I must preface this by saying that I was not witness to every single critically acclaimed bout that took place this year, as my work schedule was very erratic and I value sleep more than I ever did before (having two seizures will do that to you). So Jon Jones v. Alexander Gustafsson will be nowhere on here, simply because I have not seen it. Let's move on before you bite me in the face.
BEST FIGHT OF THE YEAR:
Mark Hunt draws Antonio "Bigfoot" Silva (December 7, 2013)
It is a miracle that both men were still standing and breathing after this war of attrition. What was all the more astonishing was that the former PRIDE FC standout and former Elite XC Heavyweight Champion are friends, having trained together multiple times at the camp known as "American Top Team." Over the course of twenty-five minutes, we witnessed two men refuse to quit, even if their own bodies would give out and their chins would deteriorate into nothingness. Covered in blood, exhausted, and most likely damaged for worse in the long run, this was an incredible bout that could go down as the best bout in the UFC's long standing heavyweight division. The announcement at the end from ring announcer Bruce Buffer of "This fight is considered a Majority Draw" would normally incite wrath from the usually irritable MMA community, but it was a fitting and comforting end to a gruesome, legendary contest, wherein we wanted to see neither warrior lose. The highlight video I have posted above does not do it justice.
Honorable Mentions:
Dennis Bermudez d. Matt Grice (February 23, 2013)
Wanderlei Silva d. Brian Stann (March 3, 2013)
Michelle Waterson d. Jessica Penne (April 5, 2013)
Matt Brown d. Jordan Mein (April 20, 2013)
Gilbert Melendez d. Diego Sanchez (October 19, 2013)
WORST FIGHT OF THE YEAR:
Ovince St. Preux d. Gian Vilante (April 27, 2013)
I'm sure there are more high profile bouts that could end up in this spot, but this one takes the cake due to the sheer incompetence of the referee involved. While the two rounds that preceded round three of this bout were very tepid and underwhelming, the decision to stop the fight due to an eye poke, without giving the recipient any time to recover and regain vision (which is usually customary), was flabbergasting. True, both men have since regained some of their former glory, each going on to win their next scheduled bouts, but this leaves a stain that can't quite be washed away.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions:
Jake Shields d. Tyron Woodley (June 15, 2013)
Rory MacDonald d. Jake Ellenberger (July 27, 2013)
Soa Palelei d. Nikita Krylov (August 31, 2013)
ROUND OF THE YEAR:
Gilbert Melendez v. Diego Sanchez: Round 3 (October 19, 2013)
What, no video you say? Well, you should probably go seek out this entire fight anyway, regardless of which round I choose to shower with praise. The original Ultimate Fighter winner proved he can still throw down and throw caution to the wind if it comes down to it, while the former Strikeforce and WEC Lightweight Champion channeled his frustration following a tough loss to former champion Benson Henderson into a sensational, blood-drawing rage that few had seen before. By the time that the final five minutes rolled around, both men looked like they had seen better days, but Sanchez came back with flurries aplenty, dropping the former champion, and even coming close to finishing the bout. A magnificent display of violence, even if it will most likely lead to permanent brain damage for both men.
Honorable Mentions:
Matt Brown v. Jordan Mein: Round 1 (April 20, 2013)
Ronda Rousey v. Liz Carmouche: Round 1 (February 23, 2013)
FIGHTER OF THE YEAR:
Demetrious Johnson
I'll eat a big ol' bowl of crow for this one. I've never been the world's biggest fan of the man nicknamed "Mighty Mouse," but he sure as hell won me over this year. Tough, fast, skilled beyond belief, and full of surprises, Johnson managed to defend his Flyweight title three separate times in 2013, with each defense being more memorable than the last. There's a special kind of criticism reserved for champions of the old guard, saying that they prefer to play it safe these days and rely on the rather unpopular form known as "point fighting" in order to keep their championships and legacy intact. Johnson is the opposite of such, constantly working for submissions in his bout with John Moraga, coming back from a near stoppage against John Dodson to attempt multiple fight-ending methods, and becoming the first individual to stop the incredibly tough Joseph Benavidez. I can not wait to see him fight again this year, even if he has cleared out most of the division.
Honorable Mentions:
Renan Barao
Robbie Lawler
Chris Weidman
Cain Velasquez
KNOCKOUT OF THE YEAR:
Chris Weidman d. Anderson Silva (July 6, 2013)
This was a rather difficult choice to make. On one hand, it may not have been the flashiest display of technique you'll see, but in terms of awe-inspiring madness, this will stand the test of time. This was the 2013 version of Fabricio Werdum upsetting Fedor Emelianenko, even if the betting odds were nowhere near as wide as that bout was. Silva's aura in the UFC was incomparable, having never lost a single fight in the octagon, and Weidman was coming off a yearlong layoff. It was assumed we'd get one of two things: an easy win for "The Spider," or five rounds of Weidman trying to grind out a decision (note: Weidman is usually a finisher, I'm just going with wrestler logic). This was the type of upset that didn't just make your jaw drop, it stuck with you weeks after it happened. Sadly, I could say the same for the terrifying result of their rematch on the final card of the year.
Honorable Mentions:
Emanuel Newton d. Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal (February 21, 2013)
Josh Thomson d. Nate Diaz (April 20, 2013)
Vitor Belfort d. Luke Rockhold (May 18, 2013)
Dong-Hyun Kim d. Erick Silva (October 9, 2013)
Douglas Lima d. Ben Saunders (September 20, 2013)
SUBMISSION OF THE YEAR:
Josh Burkman d. Jon Fitch (June 14, 2013)
Hard. As. Fuck. And not in the sexual way. It might be the only way one could describe such a shocking moment though. Fitch was still ranked in most people's top ten lists, and was coming off of an unwarranted release from the UFC. On the other end, Josh Burkman was a UFC castoff, having not competed in the organization for four years. The mostly new league, World Series of Fighting, was looking for their first truly memorable moment of the year, and Burkman's cold killer mentality during and after the fight provided them with it. True, infamously inept referee Steve Mazzagatti deserves a wag of the finger for not noticing Fitch was unconscious following the guillotine choke that Burkman applied, but at least Josh had enough sense to let go when he felt his opponent (who he had lost to seven years prior) go limp. This was the MMA equivalent of a Rotten Sound song: short, angry, brutal, and very sweet.
Honorable Mentions:
Rose Namajunas d. Kathina Catron (April 5, 2013)
Anthony Pettis d. Benson Henderson (August 31, 2013)
Michelle Waterson d. Jessica Penne (April 5, 2013)
Erick Silva d. Jason High (June 8, 2013)
ROBBERY OF THE YEAR:
Phil Davis d. Lyoto Machida (August 3, 2013)
If Krusty the Clown didn't describe this perfectly (there is no highlight video for a reason), I'll just state that I partially blame this atrocious decision for my first of two seizures this year, given that not even twelve hours later, I was waking up in the hospital with no recollection of how I arrived. Most judges are still scoring fights based on who presses forward more, or if they even manage to sneak one good takedown into the rather uneventful fray. Sadly, this archaic mindset will probably never fade away, and the sometimes controversial Machida was robbed of a big victory in his own home country. Thankfully, things look up for the former Light Heavyweight Champion as he has dropped down to Middleweight, and looks to begin a new campaign of splitting wigs.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions
Georges St-Pierre d. Johny Hendricks (November 16, 2013)
Francis Carmont d. Lorenz Larkin (April 20, 2013)
Diego Sanchez d. Takanori Gomi (March 3, 2013)
BEST CARD OF THE YEAR:
UFC on Fuel TV 10: Nogueira v. Werdum (June 8, 2013)
Setting the record for "most submissions" in a single event isn't easy to do, but you have to give the Brazilians on this card props, since they went fairly crazy at this event and set the record at eight. True, a lot of these bouts seemed custom-made for easy victories, but entertainment is entertainment, regardless of the caliber of competition involved. Thiago Silva managed to snag his first clean victory in four years, Erick Silva secured a beautiful triangle-armbar combination on the returning Jason High, the Ultimate Fighter Brazil 2 finale bout didn't end up looking like a joke, and Fabricio Werdum showed off his always impressive Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu by submitting the legendary Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, which is certainly no easy task. The crowd seemed to be smiling and celebrating throughout this entire evening, and one certainly couldn't blame them as they were getting their money's worth and more.
Honorable Mentions:
UFC on Fox Sports 1: Shogun v. Sonnen (August 17, 2013)
UFC Fight For the Troops 3 (November 6, 2013)
UFC 168 (December 28, 2013)
WORST CARD OF THE YEAR:
UFC 161
Like last year's recipient (the truly bad UFC 149), this had potential. A proposed rematch years in the making (Mauricio Rua v. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira) and an interim title fight (Renan Barao v. Eddie Wineland) could have made this worthwhile. Instead, a decrepit and disappointing match between Rashad Evans and Dan Henderson drew low PPV buys, and little-to-nothing in the way of fan interest. Couple that with a terrible prelim closer (Jake Shields v. Tyron Woodley did not help draw in skeptics, and may have provided them with a nice nap), and you have the clearcut winner for the worst mixed martial arts card of the year.
(Dis)Honorable Mentions:
UFC 159 (April 27, 2013)
Bellator Fighting Championships Inaugural PPV (November 2, 2013. Notable because the entire thing NEVER ENDED UP HAPPENING)
And there you have it for part one of my delayed, but fairly packed Best and Worst of 2013. In terms of other notable incidents worth talking about from the worlds of professional wrestling and mixed martial arts, I think the WWE Network sounds like a phenomenal deal, and the UFC Fight Pass can bite my scrotum. If there was an upset of the year, I'd say that Daniel Strauss defeating Pat Curran at the Bellator show on November 2nd would be my clearcut winner, though Robbie Lawler defeating Rory MacDonald is a very close second. Come back soon(ish) for the best of the rest, featuring my favorite and least favorite picks in music and movies!
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