Unseen Terror 2020: Day 9

Okay, I'm on a very tight schedule this weekend, so this review might not be as long as I would want it to be. Then again, there's a very good chance that most of the following paragraphs would consist of various ways of saying "but why though" should I spend too much time on it. We're into the fifth decade of the Texas Chainsaw franchise, and this time around we're (again) jumping back in time to the events of the first picture (specifically the moment after it ended) and ignoring every other entry that followed. We open with a gaggle of Texas residents burning down the Sawyer family home just after they had reluctantly agreed to surrender Leatherface to the authorities. Fast forward to present day where young Heather Miller discovers that her grandmother has recently passed away, and she sets out on a trip with her friends to collect the inheritance that may or may not also include a certain chainsaw-wielding maniac.

Look, I'll be as brutally honest here as I can be: I was going into Texas Chainsaw 3D expecting bottom of the barrel material. The reviews on this have been pretty nasty over the years, and seeing as how I am not the biggest fan of the "3D" gimmick in cinema (at least for horror films), I didn't have much hope for this entry. Compared to yesterday's TCM: The Beginning it is marginally better, but that's like saying you prefer to get punched in the stomach rather than kicked in the head. For starters, if you are a stickler for continuity and timeline accuracy, this movie will drive you absolutely bonkers. There are plot holes so large you could drop a goddamn Gundam through them. I'm not trying to be meticulous or anal about this, but if we the audience are to believe that this takes place in present day, that means Leatherface is possibly in his SEVENTIES but can still run like he's training for the Olympics. It also means that Alexandra Daddario (True Detective) is significantly older-looking than she appears to be. Don't get me wrong, she's one of the better things about this mess of a movie (save for having to shout one TRULY terrible line towards the end), but it's yet another aspect that I believe they forgot about when the screenplay was being finished. Speaking of that, this could legitimately have the worst script of any entry in this series so far, which manages to somehow take a step backwards in terms of crafting likable protagonists (something that even The Beginning did better) or writing memorable dialogue. I found myself just yawning or groaning during most of the lengthier conversations between characters and the boredom feels that much worse when you realize that most of it amounts to absolutely nothing (an affair subplot for one).

If I could list off a few positives about Texas Chainsaw 3D though, they would be that there are some nice cameos from veterans of the series during the opening segment. The aforementioned Daddario is also perfectly fine but that can also be attributed to the fact that everyone else around here is pretty damn bad. The kills aren't too shabby. There's also some.....interesting choices that are made to the Leatherface character; painted here as more of a crazed antihero than a full-on villain. I'm not too sure if I liked this decision personally, but it was a risk they were willing to take knowing that it could alienate a good portion of the fanbase so...uh, good on them? Then again, this film is also co-written by Adam Marcus of Jason Goes to Hell fame, so I suppose that I can't be too surprised by the biggest twist reveal during its third act.

I'm certain this film has its fans, and I may be willing to revisit it down the line so I can view it in legitimate 3-D (my own television lacks the ability to utilize it), but boy oh boy I do not expect that to be any time this year. All I can say is thank goodness there's only one more entry left in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, because I think I've had just about enough of these films and their inability to stick to just one timeline or tone.

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 2

Well this was....unexpected.

Okay, I was well aware that the sequels in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise were of varying quality, but to say that I was awaiting something more akin to a dark comedy than a full-on intense horror flick ala its predecessor would be a lie. Alas, it does appear that director Tobe Hooper was fully on board with the decision that should a sequel be created to the film that made him an in-demand name, it should be the complete opposite of what preceded it by twelve years (infamous film distributors Cannon were reportedly not a fan of this choice). It's a goofy, over-the-top, and bloody slasher with very little in the way of deeper meanings or commentaries. It lacks the grimy and eerie realism that made the 1974 film so shocking and respected.

And yet.......it's also ridiculously entertaining and kind of a joy to watch.

The plot for the second movie in what is a surprisingly large film franchise technically begins with an explanation that due to some very odd technicalities and bumbling, the brutal and cannibalistic Sawyer family were never captured by authorities and are on the run. Hell, there's a contingent that doesn't seem to believe that they even exist! After massacring (ha) a couple of rowdy teens who were harassing a young disc jockey nicknamed "Stretch" over the phone, they proceed to track down and terrorize the young lady due to the possibility of her having recorded their killings. Elsewhere, former Texas Ranger Boude "Lefty" Enright has seemingly turned vigilante and is in pursuit of the murderous family who just so happen to be responsible for his nephew's death over a decade ago. Once the credits began to roll on TCM2, it struck me how eerily similar this was to a motion picture released two decades later: Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects. I won't venture into spoiler territory (and usually don't unless I REALLY hate the film), but the fact that both feature a man of the law in pursuit of a demented family who killed someone very close to them, they star the amazingly talented Bill Moseley in what are arguably scene-stealing roles, and are noticeably different in tone or style when compared to their predecessors is very peculiar. I'm almost certain that this is a combination of a passionate love letter via Zombie and pure coincidence. But let's get back to this bad boy before I get sidetracked.

As mentioned above, director Tobe Hooper wished to film Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as a straight up black comedy rather than an intense horror movie, having believed that the more comedic elements of the first picture went by almost completely unnoticed when audiences first viewed it (I'll include myself in that list). In some regards it works. Writer L.M. Kit Carson concocts an unabashedly silly script that turns the murderous and psychotic Sawyer clan from the first film into a more demented version of a cantankerous, squabbling sitcom family. Jim Siedow is one of the only performers to return this time around, and his portrayal of family head and meat connoisseur Drayton Sawyer is still solid overall. Considering just how iconic Leatherface has become in the horror world, I think it's a bit of a shame that Drayton is glossed over by casual fans of the genre. Leatherface (naturally) makes a return as well, although he's played by a different actor this time around (something which apparently becomes a regular occurrence throughout the series) and his new mask has certainly seen better days. There's a side plot which seems to imply that perhaps he isn't as evil as society believes he is, but it never really amounts to much when the final twenty minutes kick in. I might disappoint some of my friends when I say that he came across as a bit of wasted potential this time around. 

The same can not be said for franchise newcomer Rob "Chop Top" Sawyer (played by an absolutely crazed Bill Moseley). He is a living cartoon character come to life, and even if he does feel like someone who could've been thrown into a Batman book, he is just so damn charming and legitimately funny. I can see why he has developed a rabid cult following. As luck would have it, we also have a much more well-developed "final girl" this time around too in the form of Caroline Williams' spunky "Stretch." I mean no disrespect to the late Marilyn Burns, but I felt as though she was more lucky than anything during the entire ordeal of part 1. Williams, on the other hand has some legitimately great moments of character growth and sports some real chutzpah during moments of serious peril and danger. The only newcomer that I wasn't enthusiastic about was protagonist Lefty Enright (played here by the late Dennis Hopper). True he has a good motivation for everything that he does, but more than anything else, he feels like an afterthought and shows up in the nick of time towards the end so that he can participate in what is admittedly a very cool scene involving dueling chainsaws. He isn't a bad character per se, but perhaps he was just outshone by everyone else around him.

There was a very small part of me that was prepared to dislike The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 just based on how much I ended up loving its predecessor (call it sequel trepidation I suppose). I am always happy to be pleasantly surprised though, and if you can go into this with a bit of a open mind (and a tolerance for gore), there's a high chance you'll be smiling throughout a lot of its running time. As of this writing, the flick is available to stream via Amazon Prime and a collector's edition Blu-Ray from Scream! Factory shouldn't be too difficult to track down.

And now, some parting words for racists, fascists, and all-around pieces of human trash via Mr. Moseley:

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 1 (+ a 2019 capper)

Ten years.

Jesus christ.

I honestly did not expect to keep this silly thing going for this long of a time period. I started this (now) yearly tradition just for fun and in hopes that I could expand my list of favorite pieces of cinema. With the amount of time that has seemingly flown by, I can attest to that becoming a reality, but I also wonder why the hell I even bother to do this anymore. My love for horror has never waned, but I've kind of lost my passion for even bothering to maintain a blog that I only seem to update every year or so (especially now that letterboxd exists and I can connect with more people over there). But hell, I might as well give this at least one more go.

Oh, and for those who don't follow me on Facebook and give a damn about what I thought of my final batch of films from last year's marathon, they are:

The Exorcist III- It's a shame that this picture had the name of "The Exorcist" slapped onto it, as it initially had fuck-all to do with that classic film. Flawed and somewhat messy as this might be, it's still worth a watch for the great performances (Brad Dourif in particular) and one hell of a great jump scare.

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich- I'll be the first to admit that I don't have the same admiration for this franchise as others do. The original film is ridiculously slow, and arguably the highlight of this series is when they decided to start killing Nazis in the third entry. This serves as a soft reboot and unlike the aforementioned films, the dolls are the creations OF a Nazi war criminal that start killing people at a hotel. It's nice to see Thomas Lennon of Reno 911! fame in a starring role and I'm always down for anything featuring Barbara Crampton (Re-Animator, From Beyond), but outside of some pretty outrageous blood and guts, it's just kind of...there. It also could not have been released during a more uncomfortable climate than now.

The Hills Have Eyes Part II- An utter abomination that even Wes Craven himself has denounced and trashed. There is far too much stock footage being used, and even the dog from the first film has its own flashback sequences. Do not waste your time.

Asylum- This British anthology was one of the best surprises from last year, and one that I am genuinely bummed that I can't talk about more. The plot revolves around a young psychiatrist who while interviewing for a position at a mental asylum, undergoes a test which has him talk to four different inmates. The catch is that one of these individuals is the former head of the asylum, and in order to secure this job he must determine who it is. While not a very grisly picture at all, this is still a fascinating and wonderful slow burn that features a DAMN fine list of performers (Peter Cushing and Charlotte Rampling are immediately recognizable). Seek this one out if you're in the mood for some underrated 70s gems.

Monster House- I'm always down for a good horror movie for younger generations, especially if it's about a sentient haunted house that eats living creatures. This one had been recommended to me by quite a few people and I can see why. Outside of some very janky and dated animation and some pretty dumb potty humor, it's very dark for a film that is primarily catered to children. If you like kids' movies that don't treat them like idiots and have about $5 to spare, you can snag this bad boy real cheap.

Hocus Pocus- I cheated with this one, as I had not seen this in its entirety since I was very young. Because of that, I don't have anything to add that you don't already know. I do think that without Bette Midler this wouldn't work nearly as well as it does, but maybe that's just me. Also, Sarah Jessica Parker is uber BAE in this film. Don't @ me you punks.

Black Christmas- Yet another one I regret waiting on to finally watch. It's one of the slasher genre's grandparents, and while it is slow, it's so masterfully done. The characters are great, the kills are unnerving (and not very bloody either), and the whole thing just has this underlying sense of dread. It still surprises me that this came from the mind of the man who gave us A Christmas Story. Perhaps those exist in the same universe?

Anyway, let's fast forward to 2020's marathon now. I assure you that the first entry will elicit a response akin to that of "Dude. How have you not seen this until now?!"

Look, I know. I KNOW OKAY. I legitimately had never seen 1974's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in its entirety until this year. I have no valid excuse for this either, especially when you consider how influential and important it is to the genre. It's the horror equivalent to never having seen E.T. or Close Encounters of the Third Kind and calling yourself a fan of Science Fiction. Along with motion pictures like Psycho, this helped birth the slasher genre and set up the idea that horror cinema can also be used as great social commentary. Beneath the surface of what appears to be a simple "kids get terrorized and dispatched by crazies" story is a very fascinating encapsulation of everything going on during the time period and what feels like a very rude awakening to the "flower children" of the 1960s.

The plot is very basic: Sally Hardesty, her brother Franklin, and their friends are driving on their way to visit her grandfather's grave (which they suspect has been vandalized or desecrated). Along the way, they have very strange interactions with a couple of peculiar characters, which eventually leads them to a seemingly abandoned house. Without going too far into spoiler territory, let's just say that there's a reason for the film having such a grim-sounding name.

One thing that immediately hit me after I pressed play was how incredibly filthy TCM looks. The picture is shot in a way that almost makes you feel as though you're watching something your friend discovered as a "forbidden" tape. I can only imagine how uncomfortable audiences back in the day must have felt when they first saw this on the big screen (kudos to those behind the scenes who managed to trick some audiences into thinking this was all based on a true story). The awkward moments of silence that precede some of the killings only add to the atmosphere and make you feel as though you've traveled to an undiscovered part of the country that's ripe with the kind of horrific violence that you blissfully ignored throughout your precious little life. This is somewhat ironic when you take into account how most of TCM's gore is more imagined than actually shown. Leatherface, who I feel STILL does not get enough love from genre fans, does absolutely brutal things to our protagonists, but most of it is played out in your mind and never actually shown (John Carpenter would do something similar with Halloween several years later). It also parallels what happens in slaughterhouses, which is fitting considering what we discover later on about the villains, and if you pay close enough attention, there is an assortment of pig squeals and unnerving sound effects peppered in during some of the movie's more intense moments. I don't know if it will convince you to go vegetarian, but there is a small chance that you may reconsider eating pork again after the credits roll.

More noted horror historians have studied The Texas Chainsaw Massacre better than I could ever hope to, but I am so happy that I finally watched this. It's an outstanding, uncomfortable, and vital piece for not just the horror genre, but pop culture overall. I look forward to revisiting this several times and pulling more and more from it after every watch. As of this writing, you can view it on Shudder, though it is also very easy to buy physical copies online.