A Haunted House (2013) Review

In August 2012, a young, happy couple named Malcolm and Kisha move into their new home. Not long after moving in, peculiar things start to happen around the house, convincing the two that their new abode is haunted by an evil spirit. Over the course of a month, Kisha becomes possessed, and Malcolm must consult the help of a priest, a psychic, and a duo of ghost hunters if he hopes to ever have any semblance of an ordinary life, and if he ever wants to see his girlfriend returned to normal.


I knew this was eventually going to happen. No, I don't mean watching another modern parody/satire film, but watching this specific flick from back in January. I tried my best to avoid it, but a nightly perusing through Netflix helped me find out this one had made its way into most homes for the viewing, whether they wanted it to or not. I will give director Michael Tiddes' major motion picture debut credit for one thing: it is above and beyond anything put out by the likes of Seltzer and Friedberg. Then again, that's like saying that the days-old Chinese food you got from the buffet didn't end up giving you diarrhea until only three days later.


Speaking of those two hacks mentioned above, they also happened to be two of the six writers of the first entry in the Scary Movie franchise, which co-starred actor Marlon Wayans. Wayans is the lead actor this time around, and like that film, co-wrote the script here. As most of us have come to discover, a lone Wayans brother is a sad, sad creature. True, he did end up giving us a great performance in Requiem For A Dream, but there is a clear difference between Darren Aronofsky and the man who directed an episode of the Fred television series. But let's get into the quality of A Haunted House before I forget, which may be easier to do than I imagined. The first five minutes are the right kind of stupid, based around a gag with overreacting to a dead dog. Wayans' character isn't exactly likable, but he does deliver nearly ninety percent of the best jokes, or at least what constitutes as jokes in this release (the other ten percent belonging to a sadly underused J.B. Smoove). Unfortunately, the ratio of bad jokes to good jokes is a bit on the horrifying side.


I'm shocked that Wayans himself would be so lazy as to make poor imitations of characters from the franchise he was previously a star in and hope that nobody would notice. Nearly everybody feels like the RC Cola equivalent of a Scary Movie character (one character in particular looks like Milton from Office Space if he had liposuction, but acts eerily similar to "Doofy" from that franchise's first entry). I don't recall seeing Essence Atkins in anything prior to this, but good lord did they want her to be Regina Hall. I'm honestly shocked they didn't name her "Brenda" or anything that rhymes with it. And then there's the supporting cast. I could individually dissect everybody's wasted talents here, but that idea went flying out of the window when Nick Swardson walked into the movie. His portrayal of a homosexual psychic is offensively bad, and while I hate to bash a man who seemed like a rather fun fellow based on his appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast, this is further cementing my opinion that this man just isn't funny in any film he's cast in. I get way too much of a Rob Schneider-meets-Pauly Shore vibe every time he comes on screen, except he's arguably worse than both of those two when it comes to choosing projects.


If the best your parody can offer is outdated and tired fart, race, and gay jokes, maybe it'd be for the best that you don't bother going forward with the project. Other films like Edgar Wright's "Cornetto Trilogy," Walk Hard, and even the previous vulgar efforts from sibling Keenan Ivory Wayans are vastly superior to this borefest, as are the classic films from Mel Brooks and The Naked Gun movies. True, it didn't bore or enrage me nearly as much as Paranormal Activity or The Devil Inside, the two films mostly parodied here did, but making the choice for the lesser of two evils still means you're choosing evil.


And besides, surely there are better, superior, and more intelligently-written parodies of Paranormal Activity out there, right?


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Right?

Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox (2013) Movie Review

One night while visiting his mother's grave, Barry Allen, a.k.a. The Flash, is alerted to a break-in at the Flash Museum, led by his arch-nemesis Professor Zoom. With the aid of his fellow Justice League members, the villain's plans are thwarted, but not before Zoom taunts the hero about the flaws of his past mistakes, causing The Flash to retreat in frustration. The next morning, Allen wakes up in his office, and finds himself in a new, unfamiliar world, where his mother is alive, his powers are gone, the Justice League never existed, and the world is being torn apart by an Atlantean/Amazonian war. With the help of a newer, darker Batman, Barry attempts to fix and reconstruct his own timeline.


It is rather hard to believe that we are now into the seventeenth entry of movies within the DC Animated Universe . Releasing seventeen films in only six years must certainly be a time-consuming task, as is adapting many of the company's more popular works into feature-length motion pictures. Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox is based on a 2011 storyline by renowned comic book author Geoff Johns, which was DC's final event leading into their New 52 reboot. This massive crossover relaunched every ongoing title at the time and, in some cases, even rewrote popular history with particular fan favorites. It is also the first starring vehicle for the fastest man in their world, The Flash, though it isn't the first time the character has been in an animated film, and one could argue that is the most mature and darkest entry in this expansive list of animated features.


Right off the bat, the voice work for Flashpoint is anything but common. Andrea Romano has been a voice director for nearly every entry in the DCAU, be it television or movie, and she gets great performances out of nearly everyone involved in this project. Savvy veterans and fans will immediately recognize fan favorites such as Dana Delany, Kevin Conroy, and Nathon Fillion returning to the roles that made them famous among us comic book fans and 90s cartoon kids, and newer participants such as C. Thomas Howell, Michael B. Jordan, and Cary Elwes absolutely knock it out of the park with the roles they've been given. While I'm always going to believe that Susan Eisenberg is the definitive Wonder Woman, I am starting to get around to Vanessa Marshall's portrayal as the princess of Themyscira, who is absolutely ruthless and cold-blooded here, with very few traits of compassion to show for it. Kevin McKidd plays his incarnation of Batman rather well, but you end up wishing he had brought down the "gruff" aspects just a tad. Not everyone with a five o'clock shadow needs to sound like they've been smoking constantly.


There are also a great amount of cameos scattered throughout the film, which too feature some notable and distinguishable actors and actresses. Some end up advancing the story forward, while some feel like distractions meant to appeal to those who are wondering where their number ones are. Personally, I would have liked to see more come about from these with a longer running time, as it gives the viewer only a few minutes to attach themselves to any of them before they either return to their respective cities/armies, or are just plain offed. I do understand that Flashpoint is a condensed version of a rather large story, but I would have been willing to wait a few more months for a release if these steps had been taken.


Alas, the overabundance of characters, be it negative or positive, is but a small gripe in the end, as Flashpoint's main issue comes from one striking, and very hard-to-miss flaw: the art style is really, really unpleasant to view. Compared to previous efforts, the way these characters are drawn looks incredibly flat or even disproportionate at times, especially in the first fifteen minutes. Designs on the faces in particular almost appear to have been shrunken down to parody-levels of oddness. If you are reading this and thinking that it can't be that noticeable, I may remind you that your eyes are working perfectly fine, and disregarding this can be a truly difficult task. Barry Allen's perceived "mommy issues" may also grind the gears of less tolerant comic book fans (to which even Professor Zoom points out), but hey, people put up with it when Bruce Wayne's the one pouring it out, so why not someone else this time?


Despite my problems mentioned above, Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox is still a good amount of fun, at times emotionally resonating and arguably better than its source material. Speaking of emotion, I myself didn't have any problems with the levels of violence here, but it will be quite a shock to more sensitive parents who may be skimming over this in a store and thinking it is "just another comic book movie." The film's official rating is PG-13, and they certainly take advantage of this. Characters die rather memorably, there is some mild swearing here and there, and the overall tone may be too dark for any younger children to take. If this doesn't bother you, however, then you're in for a heck of a ride. I recommend a Blu-Ray purchase if you have the money and capability, as the plentiful amount of extras will enhance the overall fun factor as well.

The World's End (2013) Review

Twenty three years after failing to complete a massive pub crawl known as "The Golden Mile," a group of friends reunite in their hometown, hoping to once again attempt the near-impossible feat. Taken aback by how odd the townsfolk are acting, and by their eerily calm demeanors, the group discovers that everything is not what it seems in their childhood abodes and pubs. After a scuffle at the fourth bar, they scramble to survive among a town seemingly taken over by mechanical or alien invaders. 


Edgar Wright is a fascinating director. First making his mark overseas with the cult hit sitcom Spaced, which I am currently in the midst of watching, he's mostly built his name based on word of mouth, and has worked with several A-list actors along the way. And yet, he still never receives the amount of love and respect that he truly deserves. I'm somewhat reluctant to call him the British equivalent of Kevin Smith, given that his dialogue is far less pretentious than Smith's, he hasn't degenerated into a whiney, blubbering idiot whenever he receives criticism in the 21st century, and due to not having mediocre titles like Cop Out under his belt. But, like Smith, he is a man who loves his pop culture targeted towards us fellow geeks, and most likely isn't ashamed to be identified as one. Released earlier this year in U.K. cinemas, The World's End is Wright's third film in the "Cornetto Trilogy," following up Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. If you're unsure of the meaning behind that nickname, I suggest a quick google search. It may give you a craving for ice cream.


One thing to take away immediately after this movie has wrapped up is its absolutely great and memorable fight sequences. Wright is very unappreciated in his knack for them, proving he could direct great action scenes when called for with his two previous efforts, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Hot Fuzz. The first fight in the men's bathroom and a separate brawl initiated by Nick Frost in particular stand out, with excellent choreography and creativity (especially in the latter). Speaking of Nick Frost, this may have been the best thing I've seen him in, be it Wright-directed or not. Playing against type works well for him, and when the time to "be real" comes about, he becomes one of the film's most likable and most personable leads. Simon Pegg is always great, and like Frost, plays against type as a more boisterous and obnoxious lead. At first, you may find it hard to root for him, especially if you're a more tightly wound individual, but his comedic chops and lines will win you over. I will have to be honest though: as much as I praised everyone doing a commendable or flat out great job here, it is a little easy to become lost in figuring out who is who. With Frost and Pegg it isn't difficult, as they are very distinct-looking actors, and those more well-versed in modern British cinema may find little difficulty with this. But me? I had trouble determining who was who, save for scarce reminders from said characters of memories from their past.


Like In A World..., there's a rather good and proper balance of sentimental moments that advance the story forward instead of dragging it down. And like Identity Thief, which I hate to bring up in this review, the message of spicing up your life once in a while is again present, though handled infinitely better than that tripe could ever hope to do. In previous efforts, Wright has thrown out nods aplenty to classics in the genre he is paying homage to, this time particularly focusing on science fiction films. Off the top of my head, I spotted Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Thing, War of the Worlds, and Aliens. I'm certain that there are a good number that I missed, but like Hot Fuzz, it will warrant repeated screenings in order to spot them. Well, and to increase overall enjoyment and longevity in the minds of viewers. There's also a nice appearance from Pierce Brosnan in the film, upping the James Bond appearances in Wright's films to two. I would love to see him drag Sean Connery out of retirement for a small role in a future film, but that isn't likely to happen anytime soon.


The World's End is a very good movie to watch with friends, and made all the better having drinks within reach, though for a large portion of it, the film may not be particularly kind towards the non-alcoholic drink fans. Is it my favorite comedy of the year? Time will tell on that, but I can most certainly assure you that it is a great time to be had. Thankfully it has made back its budget, and isn't exactly bombing like some would have thought would happen. It would be wise for you to give your hard-earned money to this picture rather than another mediocre ripoff of Twilight or The Hunger Games anyway.





On another note, I would like to throw out a quick reminder that October is around the corner, meaning that the next iteration of UNSEEN TERROR is coming! Films are being prepared, and thankfully time won't be nearly as strict this year as it was in 2012 (though the budget may be low due to hospital bills). Another thirty one horror films I've never seen in thirty one days! This should be prove to be great fun as always, and I encourage you to join in, be it physically or even through twitter/facebook!


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