Thursday, October 11, 2012

Unseen Terror 2012: Day 11



Three youths born on the night of an eclipse grow up with a sweet tooth for murder. As everyone around them starts dying, one of the group's classmates grows suspicious and comes to the realization that his "friends" may be more bloodthirsty than expected.


To call Bloody Birthday an ugly hybrid of Village of the Damned and Halloween is like saying that Nickelback is a bad band: it is disgustingly obvious and those that enjoy it may be mentally unstable.

From the get go, we know we're in trouble. One of the first names that pops up in the opening credits is Michael Dudikoff, he of the oh so atrocious American Ninja movies. True, he isn't in the film for long, but his presence alone is enough of a warning. I can't pick on him too much though, everyone sucks in this. I've seen better child actors come out of George Lucas films. Despite the film's title, it also isn't particularly bloody, nor does a birthday play much part in the film, unless you count the actual birth of the evil children themselves and one "party" scene which features no deaths whatsoever.

As stated above though, it is so glaringly obvious that this was rushed into production to capitalize on the success of assorted, better films. I lost count with how many films this wanted to be, but was able to spot Porky's, Halloween, Psycho, The Omen, and Jaws (the score desperately wanted to be a throwback to it, despite the fact that the film was only seven years old at the time). True, the revelation of astrology being to blame for the kids' behaviors was a bit of a surprise, but I still think it reeks of STUPID. And speaking of stupid, nobody over the age of ten in this film seems to have a fully developed and functioning brain. Again, slasher movie logic, but COME THE FUCK ON.

Even by slasher movie standards, this is very stupid stuff. Honestly, that might be my biggest complaint about that sub-genre. The good films that exist are very good, but for every good one, there are at least half a dozen that are insultingly dumb and lack creativity. Perhaps a six pack and company could fix Bloody Birthday's biggest faults, but I don't expect it to.

Tomorrow, we find out whatever the hell happened to Penelope Ann Miller with THE RELIC.

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