Unseen Terror 2013: Day 7

Arriving in Boston, anthropologist Dennis Alan receives word from a pharmaceutical company of a new, mysterious powder in Haiti being used in Voodoo rituals, one that can supposedly reanimate the dead. The company hopes that perhaps this can be used to create potential anesthetics for the future, and send Dennis to Haiti in order to retrieve it. Upon arriving in the country, it doesn't take long before he finds himself drawn into the strange and horrifying world of black magic. 


So, this is "inspired by true events" you say? I sincerely doubt that there's some validity to your disclaimer shown before the title sequence Wes Craven.


Oh wait, this was actually based off of a book written by a Harvard scientist? Well, now I'm the one who looks like an idiot. Crap.............anyway, The Serpent and the Rainbow is loosely based on said book of the same name, wherein said scientist investigated a Haitian man who was poisoned, buried alive, and revived with an herbal drink, which resulted in him naturally being called a "zombie" by the natives. If White Zombie didn't teach you to stay out of Haiti already, this drives home that warning with an exclamation point or ten. It also may teach you to never, ever dabble in the practice of voodoo, which is far stranger and more bloodthirsty than a person like I could ever have imagined it could be.


During the time of shooting, there was much political turmoil in Haiti, which is incorporated into the film's script and felt tremendously throughout its running time. Everything feels ominous from the moment Dennis lands in Haiti, and it never really leaves the movie. Multiple local government officials couldn't guarantee the safety of the cast and crew during the shoot, essentially forcing Craven and crew to relocate to the Dominican Republic for the remainder of the film's completion. Nerve-racking to the say the least. But who can blame them? As much as I hate to say it, you really do get a feel for how exotic and fascinating, yet so corrupted and spooky Haiti and its obsession with black magic could truly be, especially during the creation of the powder itself.


Haitian Voodoo isn't the only thing director Wes Craven and crew have conjured up here to try and frighten you. There is a fairly unnerving torture sequence at the fifty-three minute mark of the movie, and the film isn't exactly nice to the claustrophobic crowd either with Bill Pullman (the only person you're likely to recognize here) having flashes of being buried alive multiple times by voodoo priests. In fact, most of the film does a good job at making the viewer question as to what is real and what is being hallucinated, even when Craven cuts back and forth from Haiti to America in the latter half of the picture. These very psychedelic-influenced transitions can create a mildly difficult plot to follow for those with an easily distracted mind (or for someone who is just plain tired), and I think might be the main reason as to why this isn't more popular with mainstream horror fans as Craven's other efforts are, like A Nightmare On Elm Street or Scream are. Serpent is also much slower-paced than those two films are, taking its sweet time to build to the revelation of the "zombie powder" or even a real main villain, who while admittedly is very creepy, you wished had shown up with speaking lines a tad bit sooner. Damn if he didn't have some horrible teeth too.


The final twenty minutes of The Serpent and the Rainbow are fairly chaotic, leaving the viewer simply breathless for a few minutes, and setting up for a potentially macabre, but almost fitting ending. Alas, I do think it kind of falls apart though. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't collapse under itself or anything severe like that, but part of its own solution feels like a bit of a copout, whether it was incorporating real life events or not. And the final "showdown" felt more like something lifted out of a slasher film, with elements from Masters of the Universe or a knockoff that was equally as cheesy. I'm still going to give this one a solid recommendation though. After all, it isn't often that you see horror films dealing with voodoo as a serious threat, and doing an effective job at making it creepy. Repeated viewings may increase an overall enjoyment, and help accentuate the positives.



Tomorrow, we see if the Cronenberg legacy can carry on with ANTIVIRAL!

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013) Review

A kindly old woman named Agnes has recently moved into Pasadena, housing a particularly strong blend of marijuana called "Black Forest." When her boyfriend runs out of the weed he bought from Agnes, young Gretel sends him to buy more for the two of them. After he goes missing, Gretel, along with her more straight-laced brother Hansel, start digging for clues as to his whereabouts, but may be horrified at what turns up.


When you think about it, the old fairy tale of Hansel and Gretel is a fairly dark little story, at least by today's standards of what constitutes as children's stories. So how do you turn into a comedy? Well, by adding in a plot element based around marijuana, which is almost ALWAYS hilarious. I'll confess that my hopes, for what I had, were rather low. Most posters for this picture were reeking of bad work done in Adobe Photoshop, and coupled with the very "Oh, aren't you so clever?" title (though it is ten times better than originally planned title Black Forest: Hansel and Gretel & The 420 Witch), I was prepared for something that could end up in the five dollar bin at Wal-Mart.


After a fairly fun opening scene and credits, which features a nearly unrecognizable Cary Elwes, we get what most of the film's vibe is going to be: horror-comedy with the occasional sprinkling of stoner humor and nods to the original Brothers Grimm fairy tales. If this doesn't appeal to you, I suggest you stay far away. As for the rest of you, there exists a strong possibility that this will take you by surprise. I am a tad bit choosy with films that fall into the horror-comedy field, since hype tends to overshadow actual quality and memorability more often than not. For every Shaun of the Dead, there's a Thankskilling or Rubber waiting to suck all the fun out of the room and fail at every attempt to be amusing (note: I'll try to limit my specific movie bashing to a minimum from now on).


Outside of Lara Flynn Boyle, who is living it up as the movie's "Little Old Lady from Pasadena," nobody else in the movie's cast particularly stands out, though most of the actors and actresses seem to be having a rather good time. I don't recall the last time I had seen Mrs. Boyle in anything since Men in Black II, but I do hope she snags more roles and work after this. And for anyone asking, they don't make it a habit of running that Beach Boys gag into the ground, since it only gets used about two or three times. I did come around to Bianca Saad's character of the same name, mostly because of the outrageously stupid stereotypes built around her character and her insistency to channel Rosie Perez for most of her screen time. There's a rival drug dealer played by Rey Gallegos who seems to be channeling every latin druglord character you can think of, but it does lead to some very amusing, if not slightly outdated dialogue. You might recognize the movie's police officers as Yancy Butler and Lochlyn Munro, they of Witchblade and Scary Movie fame. If you're wondering why I don't have similarly nice things to say about their characters, it may be due to their characters being underwritten, or just plain terrible.


This brings me to a very big question mark regarding two things related to Hansel and Gretel Get Baked, one of which concerns the character known as "The Woodsman." With how the film is structured, why even bother to cast him? He is barely in the picture, and doesn't even make a physical appearance until nearly halfway through it. As essential as he may be to the original story, you could have done just as good a job by leaving him out, and focusing on something else instead. The other question is more or less due to me having the tendency to forget little details from source material: will someone please do me a favor and refresh my memory on the witch's use of necromancy? I don't believe she ever possessed the ability to do so in the Grimm Fairy Tales story. Then again, this film's version of the witch also has a pet hellhound, so accuracy may be thrown out the window just to ensure that your attention does not fade.


While I will definitely understand the complaints about there not being enough "stoner humor" involved with Hansel and Gretel, especially given the dubious name and plot, it does little to hurt the overall fun factor. I admire them doing the best they could with what little budget they had been afforded, and there is some fairly good makeup and gore in the few moments when it is required. I can think of worse things to do with your time and......well, precious, precious marijuana. Seek it out if you are curious.