Fantastic Four (2015) Review

While working on creating a teleportation machine, young scientific prodigy Reed Richards is scouted, and eventually recruited by, the director for a research institute that specializes in bringing out the best in gifted minds. After meeting the director's children Johnny and Sue, along with another star student named Victor, the group begins working on a larger, more accurate version of Reed's invention. When the experiment is a success, they are thanked, but not given the rights to venture into  the new worlds that could be discovered along the way. Going out of their way to disobey their elders, the men of the group, along with Reed's childhood friend Ben Grimm, partake in a "test run" to an unknown planet, wherein they encounter something far more dangerous than they expected, and, upon a very explosive return, will alter them in more ways than they could have ever imagined.



Not too long ago, I wrote a review for Marvel's Ant-Man, another new entry in the realm of cinema with a rather troubled history when it came to being completed and released to the general public. When you consider the problematic production and all other things that could have sank the Peyton Reed-directed flick, I thought that the final product was rather exceptional. It balanced humor and action without falling on its own face, while standing tall as a rather solid installment in the very overcrowded realm of superhero-based motion pictures. Ant-Man was proof that you can still overcome the odds and come out on top.


Which is why it honestly does break my heart that the 2015 reboot of comic book legends Fantastic Four is as bad as it is, making for a compelling argument that perhaps the "first family" of Marvel Comics just aren't meant for success on the silver screen. At the very least, they won't find true happiness until they are put into the hands of writers and executives who understand and care about the team, or better yet, much like their wall-crawling friend, they are released back to the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.


If you're unfamiliar with this rather odd lot, the two elements that make this team at the end of the day are very basic: fun and chemistry. All of the team's powers make them unique as individuals, as do their attitudes and quirks. Sure, Whiplash star Miles Teller does actually manage to get Reed Richards down relatively well, as the character is a bit egotistical, bordering on being a jerk (one child in the film even flat out says "You're a dick," which may have been improvised so that Teller could remember who he was playing). Hell, even Friday Night Lights star Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Bell of Billy Elliot fame (yes, he was the title character) are halfway decent as Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm. However, if you go back to the latter element that I mentioned in my first sentence, there is not a single trace of magic to be found between any of our main stars. None. You don't get the feeling that these people could be friends outside of this wildly dangerous scenario that they happen to be a part of. True, the Fantastic Four of the comic books could also fall victim to family turmoil, but they balanced it all out by still caring for one another in the end. Oh, and if you're wondering why Kate Mara (House Of Cards) as Sue Storm has been omitted from this paragraph until now, it's because I'll be happy to write a fair critique or evaluation of the lady after she wakes up from the sleepwalking that she called a performance.


Moving on to the former element, that which we have dubbed "fun." If you read a mainstream comic book, be it related to this property or not, you are expected to have a good time. If it means reading something wonderfully weird such as Scott Pilgrim, or even something as insanely misanthropic as Crossed, you are glued to the pages that you hold in your hand. Look at recent big screen displays such as Mad Max: Fury Road or John Wick for the film equivalent of such things. When one's definition of fun in Fantastic Four is watching a video of The Thing beat up someone while working for the army, but not actually seeing him do it as it is happening, then you may to reevaluate your decisions in the screenwriting department. By the time that we get an honest-to-god real battle with supervillain Doctor Doom (which isn't until the final fifteen or twenty minutes), too much time has passed with the characters having spent most of it moping and doping around, not acting like superheroes or even giving any indication that they could ever become one. Boring, tedious, and meandering are too kind of words to use for the setup for this sequence. Oh, and if you had a disdain for Marvel's previous portrayals of the Latverian overlord, you had better hope that you're chewing gum when (or if) you see this picture. You may grind your teeth into dust out of frustration without it being on hand.


While on the way home from this screening, I kept telling myself that while Fantastic Four was certainly not very good, it wasn't awful. I did sit through the previous installment with these characters, and found it to be gutter trash. After all, most of the acting is fairly decent, as is the first ten minutes with Reed Richards and Ben Grimm's first time meeting one another as children. If you get past the fairly dated-looking computer effects, it isn't that offensive to look at either. Was the review embargo for this warranted? Did it deserve the overwhelming amount of negativity flowing towards it as if the movie itself was a magnet? It took me approximately twenty five seconds to determine the answer to these questions: OH. FUCK. YES. When even your own director (Josh Trank of the excellent Chronicle fame) comes out and says that this is not the vision he initially had, then you are in serious trouble. There are fragments of a great motion picture in here that you can feel are just dying to come out should Trank have been given better control and not been forced into rewrites and reshoots. But at the end of the day, the final product isn't exciting, isn't funny, and worst of all, just isn't wholly memorable. If you absolutely have to go to your local cineplex this weekend, I'd advise you to find a way to sneak inside and watch the trailer for 2016's Deadpool, and then leave before Fantastic Four begins. There's a good chance that you'll leave happier and more enthused about your weekend than if you ever paid to watch this one hundred minute-long fecal waterslide.



I'd also suggest bringing a flask so that you may take swigs every time that Kate Mara's hair changes from brown to blonde due to poor editing. Then again, I don't want any of you to die from alcohol poisoning.

Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection 'F' (2015) Movie Review

Many years ago, the evil space overlord Freeza paid a visit to the planet Earth in the hopes that he would find and destroy the one who defeated him previously: the "Super Saiyan" known as Son Goku. Instead, he would meet his demise at the hands of a young man known as Trunks, a half-saiyan who had come to the past to warn us of a larger, greater threat. Much time has passed, and while the tyrant suffers in the bowels of hell, a small pocket of his remaining forces and servants have gathered the dragon balls with the hope of reviving their master. Once his restoration is complete, the universe's greatest evil plots for revenge, but only after he can achieve a new level of strength in which to combat his enemies.



It just dawned on me: it's been twenty years. Mind you, not since we last dove into the fantastical and bizarre world of Dragon Ball, but it's been two decades since my first exposure to the initial thirteen episode run (originally distributed here by Canada's Ocean Productions) of said Japanese franchise. It had all the wonders of similar properties that I was fond of at the time, such as Power Rangers and X-Men, but there was something magical and uniquely amusing about creator Akira Toriyama's take on the old Chinese novel "Journey To The West." Without a care in the world, I've never looked back in anger or shame and have been proud to call myself a fan since that time in my life. My goodness, I've even contemplated getting tattoos to commemorate my fanaticism, which is an idea that outside of Godzilla, I haven't even reserved for other geeky niches of mine.


And yet, never in my wildest dreams did I think that there would be several new pieces of animation created throughout the first several years of the 21st century revolving around Son Goku and his friends. In 2008, the short film Dragon Ball: Yo! Son Goku and His Friends Return was released as a tribute to the weekly anthology "Shonen Jump," which is where the series got its initial start. It was fun and sweet, though somewhat forgettable. Five years later, we received a full-length motion picture titled Dragon Ball Z: Battle Of Gods, a charming piece of nostalgia that also served as the first piece of continuity in the realm of cinema for the series (previous entries were, to put it lightly, incredibly difficult to fit into the series' timeline and of varying quality). So what better way to follow up Dragon Ball's glorious return than with another trip down memory lane, albeit with a very familiar, sinister face?


In terms of familiar faces, most of the cast from Battle Of Gods returns, including its previous antagonists Beerus and Whis, and some newer faces such as Freeza henchman Sorbet, a blue, diminutive homage to old accomplices such as Piano (from Dragon Ball). Sadly, a small portion of the "post-Freeza" heroes are conspicuously absent from Resurrection 'F'. The lack of Trunks, Goten, and Mr. Satan might be disappointing to some, but it imbues the movie with a more distinctive feel, giving us the indication that this is a natural followup to the saga that seemed to take an eternity to wrap up when it first aired. For longtime fans such as myself, I don't see why any single person would complain about seeing Tenshinhan or Master Roshi get a little bit of time to shine and fight, especially considering how any person who was a pure-blooded human being got the shaft after the aforementioned arc had come to a conclusion (just as any woman who had served her purpose in the series became a mother and stopped participating in anything dangerous). There's also the introduction of a recent and rather funny creation of series mastermind Akira Toriyama in the form of Jaco The Galactic Patrolman, who assists in providing a great chunk of the lighthearted humor that permeates throughout its ninety three minute running time. Still, if you aren't familiar with the character's prior existence (if I'm not mistaken, this is his first animated appearance in anything outside of video games), his inclusion may seem puzzling or shoehorned in for anyone who isn't a diehard fan.


To the chagrin of some of my own friends, I've always been fairly outspoken about my dislike for the dubbed versions of Dragon Ball, as it just wasn't what I grew up with or what I was accustomed to (even the Ocean Dub seemed a little off to me after I discovered the Japanese version on the obscure Maryland television station known as The International Channel). No one should hold grudges over something so petty though, as I've grown to just accept them for what they are, and the Japanese audio is just as readily available these days for older folks like me anyway. In retrospect, it's actually a good thing that importing fansubbed VHS tapes is a thing of the past now, especially in this economy that we live in. Chris Ayres is just as good at voicing Freeza as original performer Ryusei Nakao was. He gets the character, and he understands his nuances and personality while still managing to not go too overboard unless the end is nigh or he's been angered to the brink of insanity. Kyle Hebert is a fine Son Gohan too, as are Master Roshi and (personal favorite) Pilaf's voice actors. I'm still not sold on the choices they made for Son Goku, Vegeta, or Piccolo (for western actors, Scott McNeil is my favorite for the latter), but again, power to the people that like them and also grew up with those the same way that I grew up with mine. My years of being a complete snob about Funimation's cast are dying a slow death.


Combat-wise, nothing in Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection 'F' has the same impact as some of the more memorable moments of the various series (Son Goku's first battles with Piccolo and Vegeta, the first Super Saiyan transformation for Son Goku, Vegetto v. Majin Buu), but there are a small handful of scenes that will stick with you for at least the following few days after you've left the theater. They are animated exceptionally well and thought out as if it were a real motion picture, with every combatant present in the film getting a time to shine and most of the blows being dealt fast, but not too fast. A common complaint about the franchise is also tossed aside as not every sequence is overloaded with energy blasts to the point where you can't see what is happening. Hell, when characters such as Jaco and even the Turtle Hermit leave you beaming with excitement and wanting to thrust your fist up in happiness, you know that you've done something right. Fans of the entire Dragon Ball canon (not just DBZ) will likely be able to appreciate the structure and layout of these fights more than the casual Dragon "Bro" fan.


It isn't likely to convert any new fans, but Dragon Ball Z: Resurrection 'F' is an unabashed love letter to the older and/or more established fans anyway. I mean, my Kami, we even had an on-screen introduction from the folks at Funimation, complete with behind the scenes footage and trivia with the voice actors, that played before the flick began. If that isn't genuine love for its audience, then what is? During the same week where our animated heroes will be combatting the forces of Tom Cruise and a superhero franchise going through yet another reboot, it seemingly may not stand much of a chance. Mind you, that is solely at first glance. Perhaps the main reason as to why I would recommend that you see this on a larger screen is not just because it's a good deal of fun for any fan of any age, but because there's a good possibility of this film's success ensuring that we get more of these released theatrically in the future. Though it only grossed $9.3 million in the United States, we fans are still trying to get the taste of that OTHER Dragon Ball movie out of out mouths, and I'm sure that we can show the naysayers over here that it can be done well when it's done with honest adoration and effort.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go download this little gem of a song and play it over and over until my ears bleed and I need Shenron to repair my hearing.