Unseen Terror 2013: Day 9

Given a routine job by an anonymous source, a small time group of criminals plan a burglary wherein they'll break into a house, steal a single video cassette tape, and be given a large sum of money for its capture. The very evening of the break-in, the men discover that the house's sole occupant is deceased, and while traversing the contents and assorted rooms of the house, decide to individually watch the collection of unmarked cassette tapes lying by the man's side, discovering more found footage and tales than they ever could have wished for.


Oh, the wonderful world of hype. It has often driven us towards (and just as much away from) many forms of films and musicians. And even though V/H/S has only been out for approximately less than two years, it feels like its own hype has surpassed it and given the film a longer shelf life and bigger reputation than it actually has. Demand has even garnered a limited release on VHS itself, something unheard of in this day and age due to the very, VERY small demand for video cassette tapes. Not even two or three weeks ago, its own sequel was released to DVD and Blu-Ray, which seems unusually quick for a film that is still technically considered a 2012 release.


I love a good anthology film, that much is known by those who have previously read the past two editions of Unseen Terror. I also don't completely despise the found footage genre, and am willing to see what happens when you combine the two into one film. But it always breaks my heart when I bear witness to one motion picture that ends up being a real mixed bag by the end of the day, and it felt like V/H/S had a bag that was overflowing by just a tad bit. The first tape (none of these segments are given official names until the credits) was arguably my favorite, which is usually a rarity for these type of movies, as they tend to save the best for last. The characters are a tad bit over the top, but newcomer Hannah Fierman is just fabulously creepy, reminding me of a younger version of Angela Bettis in terms of looks, though we obviously didn't get to see enough of her acting chops with the role she's given here. The most recognizable name attached to the film, Ti West (House of the Devil, The Innkeepers) directs tape number two, and I was actually disappointed by how basic his story turned out to be. It starts off feeling like your standard Ti West story: there's a slow build, a quiet tone, and a female lead, but the ending makes you go "Oh, yeah I saw that coming." I would have preferred seeing West direct the main story of the criminals and their break-in of the house that surrounds V/H/S, and let someone else tackle his own tale instead.


After these two tapes have been "finished" by our criminal protagonists (not exactly the most personable of guys mind you), we're left with three more cassettes to finish, excluding the main segment, which may or may not be being filmed itself for future use and collection (don't worry, not spoiling any plot points). Without giving anything major away, tape three was tolerable, only because it was an homage to the slasher genre, albeit crammed into thirty minutes or less. It was obviously rushed, but its use of tracking errors on the first person view really tends to screw with your mind, so much so that you're not quite sure if the killer is even real (perhaps a nod to a certain type of slasher film?). This brings me to one particular segment that I wish wasn't real: tape number four. Good lord did I HATE this. Boring beyond belief doesn't begin to describe this one. Dull, nay, DEAD acting, littered with a myriad of "Oh! Did you see that?" type of dialogue, scares obviously meant for the paint chip-eating crowd, and a just plain ridiculous plot twist. If you've ever wondered about how a horror movie would look if it were made via Skype or video chat, and said to yourself "Ryan, that sounds absolutely stupid," this is that segment. An absolute waste of time, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemies.


V/H/S' final tape does bring the film back up a notch by being a good deal of fun by sending us back to the late 90s and involving a haunted house (anything had to be better than tape number four), but that ultimately left me saying to myself "Well, the bread was great, but the contents inside were kind of just...okay." True, the video scramble/static special effects they scatter throughout the film (any people old enough to remember VHS tapes know about this) are a nice touch, as is deciding to cast a largely unknown group of people to add to that "real" factor, but I just didn't come back loving this as much as I would have liked to. I won't be opposed to tracking down the sequel, as I hear it is far and away superior to the original, but I don't know if I'll be in a hurry to buy into the "hype" twice in a row now.



Tomorrow, we're beginning a mini-creature feature marathon with GRIZZLY!