Unseen Terror 2013: Day 6

A man discovers a new, white substance emerging from the ground, and is surprised to find that it is delicious. The new substance is packaged, sold, and marketed as "The Stuff," a zero-calorie substitute to dairy that is sweet, creamy, and filling. It quickly takes off in popularity, and a man hired by the now-suffering ice cream industry must investigate how to stop "The Stuff," in order to prevent bankruptcy. But this new product holds a much, much darker secret than anyone could ever suspect, and stopping it could be more impossible than one ever could imagine.


There's a good chance that if you are familiar with horror films, or at least with gifs seen throughout the internet, you're familiar with director Larry Cohen (It's Alive, Q-The Winged Serpent) and his take on rampant commercialism entitled The Stuff. Arguably as bizarre as those two efforts, though with a more clear and concise message, it also might the gooiest film in his catalog, probably due to how off-putting an overabundance of the color white can be to some people (whoever had to clean up all of that foam, ice cream, and yogurt....you have my sympathy). Personally, I'm shocked it took me as long as it did to finally watch this, as it was sitting in my instant queue for at least two or three years.


Cohen casts Michael Moriarty in the lead, who coincidentally was also the lead in the man's previous horror effort Q-The Winged Serpent. I suppose they finished the film together on good terms, but it takes time to get used to what the man brings to the table of what you can justify as a performance. Michael just kind of rushes everything, delivering lines in a nonchalant sort of way for about seventy-five percent of the film's running time, which wouldn't be a bother except that you consider the surroundings and wonder why one individual would be so relaxed. He's given a woman to fall in love with too, an ad executive who named the Stuff itself, but doesn't have a single other interesting thing to her character. Interestingly enough, there are also small roles from Danny Aiello and Paul Sorvino, who both clearly showed up not just to collect paychecks, but to act. They don't care that they're in a movie about killer yogurt, they're refined actors damn it. Okay, so they did each do Hudson Hawk and See Spot Run respectively, but everyone's allowed a few mistakes. Sorvino in particular is hilarious as a right-wing military general who vows to combat the Stuff once it is discovered how to stop its distribution. SNL alumni Garrett Morris also shows up for a bit part as a mogul named "Chocolate Chip Charlie," which could be the best name for a person I've ever heard in my entire life. Morris also takes part in the film's most infamous moment, but I won't discuss that in this review out of respect for those who do read this blog.


While the adults are a mixed bag, there's also the typical young protagonist named Jason, played by Scott Bloom. He's probably the only likable character, and the first one to clearly discover that there's something amiss with this new sensation (about five minutes into the film in fact). My complaint about there being too short of a gap between said discovery and this kid's actual introduction to the audience aside, he isn't that uninteresting, and does have some great moments in the latter half of the film, such as a notable scene wherein he fools folks enslaved by the Stuff that he too, seemingly loves it. As mentioned in the first paragraph, the numerous shots at commercialism and over-dependency upon products like the title "food" are the obvious message in The Stuff. So much so that Cohen managed to snag the now-deceased Clara Peller of "Where's The Beef?" fame and Abe Vigoda to do a commercial for it during the film. Ludicrous, but wholeheartedly amusing. There are fashion shows dedicated to the Stuff, entire walls in supermarkets for the Stuff, and chains as large as McDonald's for the Stuff. Wait, I'm even capitalizing the brand itself, and the blasted thing is fictional!


I almost wish that The Stuff had been a little bit more of the extreme side, but seeing that the film had a budget of approximately $1.7 million, I can understand not wanting to go overboard. The movie ends up unfolding like a slower version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (god, how many times have I made comparisons to that movie on here?) with hints of The Blob thrown in for good measure. The ending is also very fitting, and essentially seems like the kind of ending everyone hoped would have come about with a picture like this one. It'll be worth a watch with some friends, food, and fun minds.



Tomorrow, we deal with fuckin' voodoo magic man with THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW!