Identity Thief (2013) Review

Sandy Patterson lives a good life. He has a good job, a good wife, two children (with another on the way), and generally nothing major to worry about. Things are about to take a very scary turn for the worse though, when the man discovers that his identity has been stolen by Diana, a woman in Winter Park, Florida who has been living a rather plush lifestyle using the information obtained from his credit cards. After the initial confusion and shock, Patterson decides that he himself must travel down from Denver to Winter Park to confront the woman, and bring her back in order to clear his name and right what is wrong.


This is where I, Ryan Wishnia, begin my future heel turn. I don't think Melissa McCarthy is funny. True, she had a couple of lines in Bridesmaids that made her easily the funniest thing in the film, but it wasn't hard considering the boring and bitchy characters she was surrounded by. I also think Jason Bateman is the very definition of one-note, and he seems to be accustomed to playing the exact same character in every project he chooses, be it a movie or television project. Seth Gordon, however, I do happen to have quite a good amount of respect for. He directed the surprisingly amusing Horrible Bosses, and more impressively, the must-see documentary King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. Certainly not an odd mixture when one looks at it on paper, and despite what the very small amount of you who read my blog may think, I don't go into any motion picture wanting to hate it from the very start.

My GOD does Identity Thief have very few things to admire though. Please, take your pick with what turns out to be its biggest faults: the script, the cast, the running gags, or just the awfully-written characters. Approximately twenty seconds of research shows that McCarthy's character was initially written as a man, but Bateman insisted that change after watching the aforementioned Bridesmaids. I don't think gender would matter in the case of Diana, as she is just loathsome and irritating in every sense of the word. There's "annoying" and then there's "please go away." It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out which category she falls under. Diana is a sociopath, and not like the amusing ones with better comedic timing found on television shows like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. An attempt at humanizing her in the third act feels desperate, and will most likely enrage those who are more wise to the fact that they're simply trying to make up for a lackluster effort.


Hmm, perhaps I should retract using that word. Effort implies that they tried, which I don't believe they did. Not even halfway through its running time, the movie turns into yet another "mismatched couple on the road" flick. If you've seen one, you've seen them all. The running gags get tiresome in near record time too. How many times can you crack jokes about "Sandy" being an asexual name? Or with having Diana throw a punch to the throat? Or with reminding us that she's a big woman? I assumed that everyone could do better than this. But then again, what does it say about your finished product when the only real laughs that come from such a varied cast come from rapper T.I.? Besides that your direction and script are poor that is.


I mentioned the third act above, but while typing and going over my notes jotted down (which didn't consist of profanity-laden tirades), I really did remind myself of why I disliked this film as much as I did. Well, aside from everything mentioned already. I truly do hate inconsistent and idiotic scripts. I've been willing to make exceptions and enjoy a fun film with a weak script if the direction is good, but the smallest of tidbits and actions in here are just so confusing to any relatively intelligent and well-versed moviegoer. Why in the world were the Detectives helping Sandy so incredibly worthless? Why was Jon Favreau's character (Sandy's boss) even in the film? How lethargic are the people behind fraud claims? Why did the sideplot involving Robert Patrick even exist? Why does the movie attempt to make you think that NOT ruining someone's life is "boring?"


As to whether these questions are answered, Mr. BLU Engineer is here to let you know!

I've seen worse than Identity Thief. Hell, I'd even take viewing it over the worst of the worst from last year's Unseen Terror marathon (cheap plug!), but that still doesn't excuse its overall quality being less than stellar. Did I mention that the film is predictable as well? Honestly, if you can't tell how it ends, you just haven't seen enough films in this genre. There have been better released comedies this year, some of which I'll discuss further over the next few days (second cheap plug!), so it should be in your best interest to not bother with this one.