Sex Tape (2014) Review

After a relationship of ten years, which has produced two children and nearly erased their previously promiscuous lifestyle, nubile and lively couple Jay and Annie have settled into a life of complacency. When Annie sells off her increasingly popular blog for a good sum of money, the two decide to celebrate that evening by leaving the children to be babysat, and, hoping to spice up their otherwise droll life, decide to film a video of the two having sexual intercourse. Within no time, via the cloud sharing option on their iPads, the three-hour-long session travels around their close circle of friends and family. Panicked, they set about to stop the circulating tape before it becomes seen by every possible individual.


Before you read any more of my review for Sex Tape, I have to get this out of the way for my male friends: if you want to see Cameron Diaz bare her body, you do get very brief glimpses from behind (though I'd be willing to believe that computers and/or a body double were involved in a good portion of these), and even some shots of her breasts from the side. Notice that I said "brief," not lengthy. Don't buy into her touts on late-night talk shows of proclaiming that she goes full frontal or displays her entire figure.

Now that I've disclosed that little bit of banal information, let us proceed.


Even with trailers that didn't exactly wow me and a rather horrifying-looking score on the usually reliable Rotten Tomatoes, I really wanted to enjoy Sex Tape. I generally enjoy the work of most of the cast and crew, and its main on-screen couple seemed like they were enjoying each other's presence. At the end of the day though, this just isn't that good of a movie, and there are multiple reasons why it will most likely fade into obscurity in less than two months. First off, the picture's entire premise is oddly derivative of the 2000 sex comedy Road Trip, except lacking in the camaraderie department. As dumb as that picture was, it didn't have to rely solely upon two performers to carry a rather silly script, and fared well with having every actor and actress who was cast to do their best with the material given. Even worse, it feels like a less competent take on an older episode of The Simpsons titled "Natural Born Kissers," wherein Homer and Marge long to liven up their own private life behind closed doors. This also borrows small parts from Kevin Smith's hit-or-miss sex comedy Zack And Miri Make A Porno. True, Diaz and co-star Jason Segel are attempting to salvage something prudent from the weak script provided and turn it into something watchable, but one can't make chicken salad from chicken shit in every case.


Secondly, the characters just flounder about like idiots once this home video makes its way around the assorted iPads they are trying to confiscate. There are repeated incidents of when secondary characters (including CHILDREN) tell them how this could have been avoided or remedied, such as calling a number or sending an e-mail. Naturally, they have forsaken the route of common sense and just choose to get into wacky predicaments while driving around from home to home. During this tenure, and once the plot described above kicks into gear, you begin to dislike Cameron Diaz's character. She's erratic, overreacting, and just kind of bland when she isn't yelling about the absurdity of the situation. Her husband Jason Segel is…..well, he's playing Jason Segel. He yells at the top of his lungs quite a bit, gets hurt numerous times, shows off his naughty bits when he can, and tries to display a softer, kinder side that feels incredibly phoned in. This wouldn't be such a problem if they didn't set up the two to be such a likable, and at times realistic couple. It just descends into standard fare mediocrity, and by the end (no spoilers), you just kind of wonder what the point of the whole scenario was. Speaking of having no point, Rob Lowe might be the only memorable character or object in the entire flick, even if his side plot has no resolution whatsoever. Yes, it is ironic that he appears in a picture about a sex "scandal," but he seems like he's having a good laugh playing a closet cocaine addict who happens to share an affinity for thrash metal giants Slayer and deceased gangster rapper Eazy E. He does lift the film off of the ground, even if just a tad. But good lord, the sequence at his house just goes on for what feels like an eternity, dragging its feet at a sluggish pace, and is bolstered by some wonderfully stupid comedy based around animal cruelty that makes the Farrelly Brothers' ideas look subtle. Oh joy.

Finally, I thought it to be impossible, but Sex Tape somehow manages to shill Apple products more than Apple themselves could ever do. Even after several weeks have gone by, I still can't get the bad taste of Transformers: Age of Extinction out of my mouth. To Michael Bay's credit, however, his pushing of products wasn't this in-your-face as it is here. The insistence of pushing a product down your throat is bolstered by the perseverance that you absolutely must own this electronic device, and you should know how to use every bonus that comes with it. All that was missing was an actor or actress looking directly at the camera, smiling, and saying "Hey folks, I love my iPad, and so should you." Wretched and shameless.


Sex Tape just can't seem to get it up or keep it up (I was trying to refrain from using sex-related puns, but they're just too easy to make), nor does it really pack enough to secure a spot in your long-term memory. It just simply exists, and that might be its biggest crime. There was an abundance of potential to make something wholly impressive, especially given the records of director Jake Kasdan (Walk Hard), writer Nicholas Stoller (Get Him To The Greek), and its main cast themselves, but it just kind of flops on the floor like a fish out of water. I can't say that I laughed as much as the three people several rows in front of me did (I'm still bewildered that one of them brought a small baby into a movie such as this), but then again, I think I only emitted a mere one or two genuine chuckles. Unfortunately, that just isn't enough for me to recommend a film like this to anybody.



That is, unless you have a desire to see Jason Segel's posterior numerous times. And if you're that eager for such a thing, go rent, buy, or download Forgetting Sarah Marshall instead.

22 Jump Street (2014) Review

Fresh off of an undercover mission, wherein they disguised themselves as high school scholars in order to bring down a burgeoning drug ring, oddly-paired police officers Greg Jenko and Morton Schmidt have received a new assignment from their superiors. In what is shockingly similar to their last job, the two are ordered to mask themselves as students, infiltrate a popular college, locate the supplier of a new drug nicknamed "WHYPHY," and bring them to justice. When the two arrive, they discover that the new, more vibrant, and drastically different environment surrounding them could slowly dissolve their partnership, should old aspirations and longings get in their way.


When the inaugural 21 Jump Street was released to theaters two years ago, I tried my absolute best to avoid it, fearing that it was, as I've previous stated about other motion pictures in this vein, an unnecessary reboot and/or re-imagining of something that should have stayed buried and should have stayed as a relic or gem of the 1980s. However, thanks to a rather peculiar mixture of boredom and possible masochism, I begrudgingly took the plunge when it arrived at one of my local Redboxes, and I was joined by an equally skeptical friend. We were prepared for the worst. Of course, this is where I would insert the usual spiel about "it surprised me." Well, I'm not nearly clever enough to hide that fact now, am I?. My friend and I came out of our screening rather happy, and admittedly had a lot more fun than someone of our mindsets were expecting. But a sequel? That just screams desperation to the highest degree. Or does it?


The film definitely doesn't take itself too seriously, and even dives into the realm of "meta" pictures like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and the 90s projects of Wes Craven. It's littered with numerous utterances of lines that indicate the sheer absurdity of doing a sequel which essentially encompasses the same exact premise and plot from the duo's previous frenetic task (the first film's Deputy, played by Parks and Recreation's Nick Offerman, seems to only serve this purpose and does it rather amusingly). Unlike something along the lines of, say, the infamous followups to Austin Powers, this self-referential humor, fourth wall-breaking, and sporadic nod to the original film's memorable moments doesn't grate on you, nor does it feel like, to quote Monty Python, "wink wink nudge nudge." The screenwriters and editors involved with 22 Jump Street mercifully know how to properly manage this, and should be given a pat on the back for mostly preventing the chance of running these aforementioned jokes into the ground. Speaking of jokes, for such a silly, mostly crude and lewd comedy aimed primarily at the young, college-bound crowds and audiences, there are a surprising amount of gags, nuances, and references that could fly right over their heads should they not be too well-versed in the pop culture of yesteryear. Not to sound arrogant or demeaning of today's generation, but most of the folks I know who read this should pick up on a large portion of these once they're in plain view.


Something else that isn't run into the ground is Ice Cube, once again playing the Captain of the "Jump Street" division. He's given a rather sizable amount of more screen time compared to 21 Jump Street, and his vulgar-laced tirades, while pretty damn great, make me wonder if that supposed fourth entry of the Friday film series is ever going to leave developmental hell. As if it wasn't apparent in the previous installment, leads Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill have an eerily good chemistry between them. While I'm an unapologetic fan of Jonah Hill, and have been since his very brief appearance in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, I've never quite seen the appeal of his costar Channing Tatum. With the plethora of pictures that the 34-year-old ends up choosing (how the man is already that old I'm not quite sure), he more often than not comes across as a more boorish version of Keanu Reeves, albeit with better looks. And yet, Hill manages to get something out of the Magic Mike actor that nobody else possibly can: a personality. Perhaps the Keanu comparison isn't too damning after all, especially since Reeves finally started emitting legitimate charisma when paired alongside performers such as Al Pacino and Laurence Fishburne. If those comparisons don't make sense to the non-cinema attending crowds, then let me try this one for you: Hill and Tatum are the movie equivalent of wrestling superstars Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage. Not in terms of pop culture importance per se, but at least in terms of being able to play off of one another extremely well, be it in times of conflict or in times of unity. The new supporting characters are fine additions too (most projects involving Peter Stormare are worth at least one viewing), though one of my primary fears was realized when one rather important revelation in the movie involving a new cast member was disclosed in its own trailers shown throughout nationwide cinemas. It does detract from the potential surprise, but doesn't necessarily hurt any of its acts. The surprise cameos from Rob Riggle and Dave Franco, who were both involved with the former flick, are also charming, but not entirely needed.


While the script does feel lacking and leaves particular problems or subplots unresolved, especially after its rather bloated third act, the sequelitis bug doesn't end up infecting 22 Jump Street with anything poisonous whatsoever (especially with the excellent end credits sequence that I won't spoil for any single person reading this). It isn't perfect, but given that most features based on television shows these days usually end up wallowing in the muck of mediocrity (Demon Knight, Get Smart) or are just plain insufferable to sit through (you're welcome to insert whatever you feel like in this category), it ends up as an entertaining experience, especially if you can make the trek it to a relatively early screening and can manage to wrangle in an open-minded and humorous comrade to go with you.




Besides, you don't want to spend your hard-earned cash on that OTHER film based off of a television franchise, do you?




…..Please tell me that you don't…..