The Amazing Bulk (2012) Review

Young scientists begin work on a...serum...that turns one of them...-


Screw it, I can not convince myself to even attempt to make a description of this film's plot synopsis. Then again, one could even argue with categorizing The Amazing Bulk as not a full-fledged motion picture, but rather a college student's poor attempt at making a superhero parody that began out of a brainstorm fueled by excessive amounts of glue huffing and Angel Dust usage. It's a thirty minute idea that is somehow stretched into an excruciating seventy-five minute long movie, and ultimately feels like it could still have fifteen minutes eliminated from the final cut (with most of that coming from stock footage of missile launches and scenes from orbit that are set to classical music). There was no brand of drug out there, be it legal or illegal, to make this experience anything but, well, fucking bizarre.


Okay okay, if you were to request that I give a sincere explanation as to what in the unholy hell this flick's story even is, I would tell you that at its core, it's the "mockbuster" equivalent of Louis Leterrier's 2008 reboot of The Incredible Hulk, only without the everything. The revelation that most of this picture's budget was spent on designing the cover art posted above would not shock me in the slightest.  If your desire was to see a behemoth of an antihero that looked like recently-deceased MMA standout Emmanuel Yarbrough had sexual intercourse with a melted version of the Grimace who spends more time running like a character from an early 1990s Macintosh game than he does fighting, then allow me to disgrace this blog of mine with one capture of the titular character.

Did I scare you away yet? No? Good. Because should you search on noted movie database IMDB (where this pile is currently sitting at an alarmingly low 1.9), one fellow reviewer points out that this was primarily filmed on an iPhone 4. More often than not, absurd statistics such as this would warrant some further research so that I can prove their validity, but in this case, I'm just going to go along with what this person says and agree that it was very likely true. One hundred percent of Bulk is shot on a green screen, with none (I repeat, NONE) of the backgrounds being authentic and making the "Money For Nothing" video look modern. Christ, they even have CGI dogs and Monkeys running around! If this was an attempt at paying homage to noted screen gems such as Who Framed Roger Rabbit or Cool World, then they succeeded with no colors. By the way, before anyone jumps on me with the usual "oh, but they weren't lucky enough to have a huge budget," I would just like to point out that even turds like Manos: The Hands of Fate had the decency to grab real animals for their set, and all they had to promise the owners or tamers was a bowl of food for the creatures to enjoy.


Oh that's right, I haven't even begun to discuss what is usually the subject of fecal waterslides such as these: the acting! Well, given that the dialogue is written by two gentlemen whose credits include promising efforts like Vampire Boys, Gothic Vampires From Hell, and Queen Cobra, it's a given that it would be downright embarrassing. What you'll ultimately take away from every single character (other than they're self-aware that they are in a flick made for approximately the same amount that it would cost to purchase an HD TV) is that they are doing their best to turn up the volume of their roles' stereotypes to a clear eleven. The man portraying our Bruce Banner is just as bland as Eric Bana was in the 2003 Hulk, and even Bulk's antagonist, who may or may not be Adolf Hitler, is as over-the-top as one with working eyesight could ever imagine. Every performer also seems to be walking or running as if they were on a treadmill or partaking in those old green screen skits that you would see on Late Night With Conan O'Brien.


Should an afterlife truly exist, I am thoroughly convinced that there is a special place reserved for films of this ilk in the deepest, most pain-inducing bowels of hell. Do not be fooled by its promise of comparisons to that masterpiece of trash known as Tommy Wiseau's The Room. Yes, its unbelievable badness does almost warrant a one-time viewing, but pictures such as the latter, along with numerous cream of the crap winners in Grade-Z cinema like Pocket Ninjas and Shark Attack 3 will sooner find themselves sitting in heaven than this ever would. This 2010 work, which took an additional two years to see distribution for anyone that enjoys torturing their children, is available for streaming on Amazon Prime and sitting at the bottom of that dumpster a few blocks away from your apartment or house.



Enter at your own risk, and know that you will be in my thoughts should you decide to take the plunge.

Fantastic Four (2015) Review

While working on creating a teleportation machine, young scientific prodigy Reed Richards is scouted, and eventually recruited by, the director for a research institute that specializes in bringing out the best in gifted minds. After meeting the director's children Johnny and Sue, along with another star student named Victor, the group begins working on a larger, more accurate version of Reed's invention. When the experiment is a success, they are thanked, but not given the rights to venture into  the new worlds that could be discovered along the way. Going out of their way to disobey their elders, the men of the group, along with Reed's childhood friend Ben Grimm, partake in a "test run" to an unknown planet, wherein they encounter something far more dangerous than they expected, and, upon a very explosive return, will alter them in more ways than they could have ever imagined.



Not too long ago, I wrote a review for Marvel's Ant-Man, another new entry in the realm of cinema with a rather troubled history when it came to being completed and released to the general public. When you consider the problematic production and all other things that could have sank the Peyton Reed-directed flick, I thought that the final product was rather exceptional. It balanced humor and action without falling on its own face, while standing tall as a rather solid installment in the very overcrowded realm of superhero-based motion pictures. Ant-Man was proof that you can still overcome the odds and come out on top.


Which is why it honestly does break my heart that the 2015 reboot of comic book legends Fantastic Four is as bad as it is, making for a compelling argument that perhaps the "first family" of Marvel Comics just aren't meant for success on the silver screen. At the very least, they won't find true happiness until they are put into the hands of writers and executives who understand and care about the team, or better yet, much like their wall-crawling friend, they are released back to the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.


If you're unfamiliar with this rather odd lot, the two elements that make this team at the end of the day are very basic: fun and chemistry. All of the team's powers make them unique as individuals, as do their attitudes and quirks. Sure, Whiplash star Miles Teller does actually manage to get Reed Richards down relatively well, as the character is a bit egotistical, bordering on being a jerk (one child in the film even flat out says "You're a dick," which may have been improvised so that Teller could remember who he was playing). Hell, even Friday Night Lights star Michael B. Jordan and Jamie Bell of Billy Elliot fame (yes, he was the title character) are halfway decent as Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm. However, if you go back to the latter element that I mentioned in my first sentence, there is not a single trace of magic to be found between any of our main stars. None. You don't get the feeling that these people could be friends outside of this wildly dangerous scenario that they happen to be a part of. True, the Fantastic Four of the comic books could also fall victim to family turmoil, but they balanced it all out by still caring for one another in the end. Oh, and if you're wondering why Kate Mara (House Of Cards) as Sue Storm has been omitted from this paragraph until now, it's because I'll be happy to write a fair critique or evaluation of the lady after she wakes up from the sleepwalking that she called a performance.


Moving on to the former element, that which we have dubbed "fun." If you read a mainstream comic book, be it related to this property or not, you are expected to have a good time. If it means reading something wonderfully weird such as Scott Pilgrim, or even something as insanely misanthropic as Crossed, you are glued to the pages that you hold in your hand. Look at recent big screen displays such as Mad Max: Fury Road or John Wick for the film equivalent of such things. When one's definition of fun in Fantastic Four is watching a video of The Thing beat up someone while working for the army, but not actually seeing him do it as it is happening, then you may to reevaluate your decisions in the screenwriting department. By the time that we get an honest-to-god real battle with supervillain Doctor Doom (which isn't until the final fifteen or twenty minutes), too much time has passed with the characters having spent most of it moping and doping around, not acting like superheroes or even giving any indication that they could ever become one. Boring, tedious, and meandering are too kind of words to use for the setup for this sequence. Oh, and if you had a disdain for Marvel's previous portrayals of the Latverian overlord, you had better hope that you're chewing gum when (or if) you see this picture. You may grind your teeth into dust out of frustration without it being on hand.


While on the way home from this screening, I kept telling myself that while Fantastic Four was certainly not very good, it wasn't awful. I did sit through the previous installment with these characters, and found it to be gutter trash. After all, most of the acting is fairly decent, as is the first ten minutes with Reed Richards and Ben Grimm's first time meeting one another as children. If you get past the fairly dated-looking computer effects, it isn't that offensive to look at either. Was the review embargo for this warranted? Did it deserve the overwhelming amount of negativity flowing towards it as if the movie itself was a magnet? It took me approximately twenty five seconds to determine the answer to these questions: OH. FUCK. YES. When even your own director (Josh Trank of the excellent Chronicle fame) comes out and says that this is not the vision he initially had, then you are in serious trouble. There are fragments of a great motion picture in here that you can feel are just dying to come out should Trank have been given better control and not been forced into rewrites and reshoots. But at the end of the day, the final product isn't exciting, isn't funny, and worst of all, just isn't wholly memorable. If you absolutely have to go to your local cineplex this weekend, I'd advise you to find a way to sneak inside and watch the trailer for 2016's Deadpool, and then leave before Fantastic Four begins. There's a good chance that you'll leave happier and more enthused about your weekend than if you ever paid to watch this one hundred minute-long fecal waterslide.



I'd also suggest bringing a flask so that you may take swigs every time that Kate Mara's hair changes from brown to blonde due to poor editing. Then again, I don't want any of you to die from alcohol poisoning.

Ant-Man (2015) Movie Review

Okay, so that promise of pumping out more reviews on the regular may once again have been stifled by a lack of time and (possible) lack of passion. Still, during this down time, I did bear witness to a good abundance of pictures at the box office with opinions ranging from grandiose (Inside Out, Ex Machina, Mad Max: Fury Road) to slight disappointment (Jurassic World). Much like May's post, I return from this brief hiatus and find myself back in the world of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, tackling the origin story of one of the Avengers' original founding members and creator of the monstrously evil Ultron: Hank Pym, a.k.a. Ant-Man.




Wait, this is isn't about Pym? And that isn't what they went with in AoU? It's about the second man to don the suit, master thief Scott Lang? Oh....well okay then, I suppose I'll have to move on with this new synopsis.




Freed from prison after serving time for a heist, former systems engineer Scott Lang returns to society looking to rebound in the hopes that he may secure more time to spend with his daughter Cassie. Finding it difficult to maintain a steady job post-jail time, he accepts an offer from his friends which will involve breaking into an unmanned, yet complexly-designed safe in order to steal a large sum of cash. Surprisingly, the crook finds not money, but rather a suit and helmet. Out of curiosity, Lang takes both, but soon discovers its true purpose: using subatomic particles, nicknamed "Pym Particles," that can make its user shrink in size, but increase their strength exponentially. Not long afterwards, the original creator of said items contacts Scott with a proposition that could not just turn his life around, but also save the world from a much larger threat.




Since we've been willing to accept that in this universe, we won't exactly be getting an exact representation of every character's origin from the golden and silver ages of comic books, let's just roll with what we have here. In Ant-Man, Hank Pym, the suit's creator, is played by the significantly older Michael Douglas, who still manages to retain some of the underlying insensitivity that occasionally befell the character in darker times, but he still retains a good sense of humanity and belief in doing the right thing in the end. I wasn't sure if Michael Douglas would just be phoning it in or not, since from what I've seen, a lot of older and respected actors or actresses can occasionally treat films based on the world of graphic novels with contempt and put little effort into their performances (William Hurt's atrocious portrayal as General Thunderbolt Ross in The Incredible Hulk comes to mind). It's a good thing that I was willing to eat a giant bag of crow about this mindset, since the Falling Down and Fatal Attraction star looks like he's having a noticeably good time. As Pym's daughter Hope Van Dyne (sadly, original Wasp Janet is confirmed to be deceased fairly early on), Lost's Evangeline Lilly also seems to be enjoying herself, which is most likely because she gets to relish in playing a woman who is far from helpless and more than capable of defending herself if things get to be too rough.


Praise aside, all of this still doesn't hold a candle to Paul Rudd's Scott Lang. The moment that the news of this casting hit the internet, I was firmly convinced that he was born for this role. Not to sound arrogant, but I happily, if not rarely, proved myself right this time. Sass, charm, character depth, and growth are all prevalent in the second human being to call himself the titular protagonist, and he could be one of the more relatable heroes to emerge in this series of flicks in quite some time. True, the whole "down on your luck/second chance" thing has been done to death over the past few decades in various forms of media, but Rudd makes it work well enough that you can forget this tiresome cliche and root for the guy to make everything right with his personal life. Lang is also given a plethora of intentionally funny lines and dialogue that doesn't feel forced whatsoever (this was originally perceived as an action-comedy after all). Come to think of it, there is an abundance of amusing dialogue throughout Ant-Man from nearly every character, be they minor (American Hustle's Michael Pena nearly steals the show every time he appears), major, or even guest (which results in one of the best fight sequences throughout its two hour running time). It doesn't take the crowd or patrons out of the primary ordeals, and feels fairly organic when you consider some of the absurdity of the entire premise.


I know, I know, here comes the inevitable third paragraph where I praise the action while also nitpicking what little issues I had in the end. Honestly, when you consider the absolute creative hell that Ant-Man went through in order to finally be completed (Shaun Of The Dead's Edgar Wright was originally slated to write and direct, but departed last year due to creative differences, leaving only a writing credit to his name), there aren't a slew of them that stand out. As I'll point out below, the similarities to Iron Man are slight, including antagonist Darren Cross, who felt more like Obadiah Stane with a lack of facial hair rather than a complex and/or charismatic villain. With its inclusion in the MCU, some of the references feel slightly crowbarred in and reek of last minute script changes. It won't necessarily bother you, but one gets the feeling that this may not have been the original idea from Wright and fellow screenwriter Joe Cornish (he of the excellent Attack The Block fame). What is retained are, indeed, some grandiose scenes of conflict and turmoil that make full use of the effects and powers of Pym Particles. There is something just awe-inspiring about seeing a bug-sized man run atop the barrel of a pistol and knock a grown man unconscious. And my goodness will this also kickstart a rebirth of interest in ant farms and myrmecology that hasn't been seen in an agonizingly long period.


Is Ant-Man perfect? Well, as someone who very rarely says that a motion picture can be without any flaws (save for another recent viewing such as Pixar's Inside Out, which I may review at a future date, but you can never tell with me), I don't believe so. However, there are a minuscule amount of problems that I truly had with the finished product, and I firmly believe that it could stand on its own as a supremely entertaining experience along the lines of 2008's Iron Man rather than serve as a fun, if not deceptive transitional film. Actually, as I sit here typing at nearly two thirty in the morning, that IS what I'm going to say. So long as moviegoers set their expectations for amusing rather than dark and brooding, they are in for a pleasant evening centered around a decidedly underrated superhero who may deservedly explode in popularity if this brings in enough receipts at the box office.





And for those of you who were unimpressed by the mid-credits scene in Avengers: Age Of Ultron, be sure to stick around for a pair of great ones to make up for that disappointment. Is that a clever way to end this review? Of course not, but I needed an excuse to write this small for once in my life.

Avengers: Age Of Ultron (2015) Movie Review

After an assault on an outpost filled with Hydra operatives and agents, the Avengers unearth several surprising secrets housed by the hidden evil organization. The first is two genetically-enhanced twins, one of whom possesses enhanced speed and one who has seemingly mastered assorted forms of magic. The other is remnants and weapons of the army led by the Chitauri, an alien race that had previously attacked New York City and had it not been for the aforementioned heroes' interferences, would have set out to conquer Earth itself. Once the raid is complete and the artifacts have been taken into custody, team frontrunner Tony Stark coerces fellow teammate Bruce Banner into deciphering and cracking the foreign technology, hoping that it can potentially lead to the completion of the "Ultron" program, a project that would place protection around the globe for when they could not physically be there to combat a threat. Unknown to the team, during after-hours of their work, the conscious artificial intelligence starts to grow, and worse yet, it seems to be gaining a decidedly warped and chaotic look at mankind's role in life and what needs to be done about it.

While I decided to conjure up this review, I came to the sudden realization that I share many unexpected similarities with the world's mightiest fictional superhero team. For starters, we have both returned from a lengthy absence since last combatting the worst kinds of evil to dwell within our universe. For them, it was the wicked Asgardian Loki. For me, it was Satan's anal gland Larry the Cable Guy. After that, there's....well, unless you count Thor and I both sporting long hair, I think that it stops there actually. Huh. Anyway, let's move on to my thoughts for easily the second most anticipated movie for the entirety of 2015 (some little flick towards the end of the year inarguably has it beat). Much like my reviews of other Marvel-related properties that I've posted over the years, I will refrain from discussing and posting any spoilers because I'm that much of a good human being.

Immediately, I must commend writer and director Joss Whedon for expanding and opening the minds of a handful of the somewhat sheltered or partially built up members of the team. Throughout the last seven years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe's existence, we've become attached to most of the titular heroes by watching them grow, mature, and just generally learn to stop acting like selfish schmucks. One of the main, if not very few complaints folks had about Joss Whedon's 2012 flick was the lack of character development or relatability in newer members of the team. The amount of love that a person such as Black Widow received didn't come as that great of a surprise given the director's penchant for identifying himself as a feminist (not that there's anything wrong with that). For every shining moment that Ms. Natasha Romanoff received, however, some pivotal members such as Clint Barton, a.k.a. Hawkeye, were only a few lines away from being considered MacGuffins with a skill set. Mercifully, he didn't go so far as to be considered a "redshirt," as I'm certain that Whedon would have been mailed bowel movements by angry fans (that or copies of a turd he wrote in 1997). To make up for this, Barton is remarkably more well-rounded this time around, and he even starts to show traits and influences from the men and women he has surrounded himself with. There is also a good deal of growing among the always fascinating Tony Stark, who always seems conflicted over actions that must be taken in order to right what is wrong. The always emotionally unstable and distant Bruce Banner shines bright here as well, who still suffers from self-doubt over whether he is a deserving member of a group dedicated to "saving the world." If any individual still says that they prefer Edward Norton's Hulk over Mark Ruffalo's, then this should be the final picture to help sway them over to the current end of things. I must advise that if anyone you know says they prefer Eric Bana's Hulk to either of the two, then you may need to help them seek professional help. Finally, I feel like I have discussed Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth enough over the past couple of years, so I don't really know what to add that I haven't said numerous times before.

Okay, it has been established that the old dogs are pretty darn great already. What about the new stars and additions to the protagonists and/or rogues gallery? Producer Kevin Feige and casting head Sarah Finn (who has been in charge of that position on nearly every MCU film to date) tend to have a good eye with picking out those who would give memorable performances, and in Age Of Ultron, they do a more-than-commendable job with knocking it out of the park. I'm fairly certain that the always smarmy and naturally cryptic-sounding James Spader was a choice that nobody thought of immediately when the time came to pick the voice actor for one of the most infamous villains in Marvel Comics history. When it WAS announced that he had been cast as the evil android and titular antagonist, a large portion of the legion of fanboys around the world breathed a sigh of relief, and they had every reason to. Since I'm running on stomach full of no caffeine and greasy fast food (such a departure for me), I may be a little too tired for my own good. With that being said, I'll make a very bold statement right here: Ultron is the second best villain in the MCU to date. While his introduction is nowhere near as grandiose as someone such as Loki, he is, ironically, a very fleshed-out character. Once cognizant, a multilayered personality begins to flourish (no doubt thanks to some of Stark's own programming and influence), something of which I've never seen too much of from his comic book counterpart. A bold, but commendable move. On the opposite end of the coin, new super-powered members of the picture's ensemble, such as Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johnson from Kick-Ass), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen from Martha Marcy May Marlene), and the Vision (Paul Bettany from Master and Commander) are great to see on the big screen, though they do leave you wondering if there is a bit more to them that will be explored in a director's cut on Blu-Ray. By the way, if you're wondering as to why I chose Olsen's poster as the primary picture for this review, I can only attribute that to me being a very simple and sadly single grown man. That and I think it looks kind of neat.

While the new cast members are a very welcome addition, some off-screen favorites are dearly missed. Don't get me wrong, Brian Tyler (Frailty, Thor: The Dark World, Bug) isn't an untalented man whatsoever, and Danny Elfman (Batman, Beetlejuice, a good handful of other motion pictures that are currently sitting on your shelf) has every right to be called a legend in the composing field. Still, the score doesn't feel quite right throughout a good chunk of the picture without the helping hand of the important Alan Silvestri, and the criminally underrated theme from the first film doesn't make a full appearance until the entire final act has wrapped up, though he is acknowledged and thanked for his contributions in the credits. There is also some minimal use of characters that I still think audiences should get to know better such as Sam Wilson and James Rhodes, but there's always time for the two in subsequent releases (and lord knows we are getting a lot of them). I do have a rather large complaint regarding a personal gripe that I have always had with Whedon as a writer, but I did promise to avoid talking about anything that would give away important details about the motion picture as a whole, so it shall have to wait for those I see and talk to in person.

If I can make a comparison between cinema and video games, Avengers: Age Of Ultron is sort of the Mortal Kombat II to The Avengers' Mortal Kombat. True, it arguably isn't as prolific, nor is it as noticeable as its predecessor in just how surprisingly good it ends up being, but that makes it the furthest thing from a bad experience. In fact, it's more colorful, equally as fun, amusing when it needs to be, and explores some new ideas that help set up crazier events that are sure to follow throughout the years to come (Avengers: Infinity War is going to be a two-part movie after all). Did I mention the action sequences too? If I did not, those are rather spectacular, highlighted by an insanely destructive duel in Johannesburg, South Africa between the Hulk and Tony Stark's humongous "Hulkbuster" armor and a rather frenetic battle between Ultron's legions and the opposing team in Seoul, South Korea. The amount of careless property damage and bodies, albeit mechanical, that are being thrown around and crushed makes Man Of Steel look like a toddler's work.

Not that you would need much persuasion if you were a fan to begin with, but a viewing on a sizable screen while surrounded by similarly-minded fun-loving geeks (coupled with an attendance of Free Comic Book Day this upcoming Saturday) is the way to go for the first real positive sign for the summer blockbuster season. While I'm still rather skeptical over the quality of larger-budget films coming out over the next few months, I can still fall back on saying that Avengers: Age Of Ultron is a really damn good time to be had by those except for the most curmudgeonly and bitter of people. But they rarely go to the cinema these days as it is, so who cares? Easy target practice aside, go check it out.

And for those of you who need further satiating in between Marvel Studios' release dates, since I had mentioned Mortal Kombat and The Avengers in the same breath, you can watch this wonderfully and hilariously made Death Battle between Thor and Raiden while you're at it. 

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) Review

Peter Parker and girlfriend Gwen Stacy have just graduated high school, with the latter taking top honors and in the running for a prestigious overseas program. Coincidentally, an old friend of Peter's named Harry Osborn reemerges, who is now running multinational corporation Oscorp after the passing of his father Norman. While Peter attempts to balance life as New York's infamous hero Spider-Man along with maintaining a very cautious relationship, he begins to dig for additional clues as to the whereabouts of his parents. Within a short amount of time, new threats to the city surface, and may have closer ties to the Parkers than one initially realizes.


Despite writing a rather wordy and relatively lengthy review only two years ago, I have virtually no recollection of The Amazing Spider-Man, Paramount Pictures' reboot of everybody's favorite wall-crawling superhero (he barely beats out The Human Fly). So much so that I had to search through my own blog in order to remember certain things that happened in the prior movie that I may have missed or forgotten about. Was this a fault of the film itself? Was this a fault of my age possibly catching up to me? Or can I just not contain enough banal information that doesn't benefit me in times outside of typing for this little blog? Whatever the case, I cautiously approached its sequel, the obviously titled The Amazing Spider-Man 2, and I wondered if in another two years, I'll have the same problem with this installment.


Thankfully, I will always be able to remember that I do quite like Andrew Garfield's portrayal of Peter Parker. No disrespect to Tobey Maguire, as he is a very talented actor in his own right, but I was never fully entertained with the effort he put forth into the first three films (aka "The Raimi Trilogy") from the previous decade. Garfield seems to breathe life into Peter, making him feel a lot more well-rounded, with just as many faults and annoyances as his comic book counterpart possesses. He feels more comfortable and amused playing a character like this, though his chemistry with Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy, who coincidentally is Garfield's girlfriend outside of the motion picture world, seems to be lacking for most of ASM2's running time. I know that the idea to cut the character of Mary-Jane Watson, whose actress had filmed multiple sequences, was a last minute decision of the collective group of filmmakers, and you can sense a bit of that emptiness throughout. Perhaps there was something in addition to these issues going on behind the scenes that we're unaware of, or perhaps it can be blamed that their on-again/off-again relationship problems was just one of several plots getting lost in the shuffle.


And if we're going to discuss said plots, we could be here all night debating about what went right, and what went very wrong. One of the fears I had when walking in was the overabundance of villains for the titular hero to face off with. First, there's Jamie Foxx's Max Dillon, who takes up the mantle of Electro after he is accidentally mutated into a living generator with horrifying, nearly god-like powers. If you're wondering why in the world they chose to go with Foxx looking like a CGI-laden version of the young man from Powder, then I can't exactly give you a straight answer, especially since his inclusion in this project doesn't truly have any strong bearing on the main focus of the flick (if there is one), though his first encounter with Spider-Man does bring about a visually stunning and fun battle in New York City's Times Square. Right behind him is Paul Giamatti's "Rhino," who is the very definition of a macguffin in every way, shape, or form. The very question of why that particular character was even needed is something that may lack a proper response, and he could have easily been left on the cutting room floor. And then, there's Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn, which was easily my most anticipated, and yet LEAST anticipated inclusion in this sequel, as I felt it was too soon to include Harry as a main villain while shuffling Norman off to the side. If you've visited this blog before, you're aware of my adoration for Chronicle, which featured the relatively unknown Dehaan as a sympathetic and tragic villain. The downfall of this performance isn't the fault of the actor, but instead the bloated script. We never get that feeling that he and Peter were true childhood friends, and when Osborn finally does begin to lose his mind and show symptoms of becoming the Green Goblin (who I'm convinced will never be done properly on film), it feels astonishingly rushed and unnecessary.


Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is an impossible feat to make a feature, be it comic book-related or not, that is heavy on villain inclusion and multiple stories intertwining, but can still be cohesive without falling on its own face. Look at Sin City and X-Men: First Class as superior examples. Yes, the former's style format (a neo-noir anthology) may exclude it from a true comparison to TASM2, but it is based on a comic book franchise that ran for several years, so I feel the need to bring it up. I'm aware of the world of "fan edits" out there in the wonderful place called the internet, and think that removing the former two enemies from this motion picture increases its enjoyment and quality tenfold. I did also mention TASM2's multiple plots floating around, and trying to keep track of every single one of these side stories (what happened to Peter's parents, Electro's background and birth, Harry Osborn's return to Oscorp, Gwen Stacy potentially going to school overseas, Aunt May struggling to pay bills, Peter and Gwen's relationship) starts to give you a headache that no amount of pills can help. How they will be able to pull off an entry in this new franchise featuring the Sinister Six is a true mystery to me.


There's also the argument of "just go with it," meaning that you can always ignore any potential faults and treat it as pure, sweet-toothed entertainment. An argument such as that may actually be your path to enjoying the final cut seen here. Heck, I was able to look past a lot of the shortcomings and problems that most audiences had with other Marvel-related properties like Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 3. Personally, I've always wanted a truly great, or even near-perfect Spider-Man movie (I still think 2004's Spider-Man 2 has been the best entry to include ol' webhead), and I think that in the hands of a more experienced director or writer, this could be accomplished within no time at all. At least they would have more sense to write some better dialogue and not include a mostly cringe-inducing soundtrack, though the pieces belonging to Hans Zimmer that we hear on occasion are quite excellent. One particular segment in the final act of the flick could be, and should be, isolated solely due to its memorable combination of haunting vibes from the score and great cinematography. It almost makes up for the larger chunk of said act being clunky.


The greatest accomplishment to come from watching The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is that it just makes you pine for another showing of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, which is oddly enough, at the time of this review, still playing in most theaters across the world. It isn't a particularly bad film whatsoever (it is MILES ahead of the widely-loathed and spectacularly messy Spider-Man 3), but you just feel that director Marc Webb, noted producer Avi Arad, and the assorted crew and writers working together tried to balance too many things at once, and ultimately ended up cramming too many characters and stories into a film that barely passes the two hour mark. It is the movie equivalent of a "pretty okay" band you see at a random concert. There are several memorable moments that lead you to believe that greatness lies beneath, but ultimately you come out saying that it could use some work or retooling, and can't quite recommend it to your friends.




And for those of you asking, don't bother sticking around for any potential mid-credits or post-credits sequences. The one that we do receive feels more like an advertisement rather than anything significant or vital. For that matter, it is cross-promotion from another studio that apparently doesn't know about the term "preaching to the converted," and thinks that major movie audiences have the memory of a goldfish and prefer to pick and choose their Marvel Comics properties in a day and age where geek culture reigns supreme.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) Review

Two years after the Avengers' monumental battle with Loki in New York City, Steve Rogers, alias Captain America, is struggling to fit in and adjust to modern society. After helping secure and free a S.H.I.E.L.D.-occupied ship under peculiar circumstances, he meets with leader Nick Fury. While there, he is introduced to Project Incite, a series of helicarriers designed to monitor and eliminate future threats to the world. However, when a new enemy nicknamed "The Winter Soldier" emerges, Rogers dives into deeper territory than he ever expected to, and uncovers secrets of S.H.I.E.L.D. that could rock the organization to its very core.


It took me a great deal of time (well, realistically it was only two years) to label myself as a fan of the first "real" Captain America film in 2011. Perhaps I had set my expectations too high after the rather entertaining Thor, or perhaps I just suspected that this would serve as nothing more than a stepping stone to the quite excellent The Avengers, down to including a teaser trailer for the latter in its post-credits scene. Thankfully, I found it to be a lot more entertaining after a second and third viewing, and would actually go so far to call it a very underrated comic book film, even if it did end up bringing in over three hundred million dollars globally.


Captain America: The Winter Soldier shares only a handful of things in common with the first film. For one, the previous picture felt more like a throwback and love letter to the golden age of adventure stories, be they in written form or motion pictures. I imagine that this choice is why it seemed to make or break it for many people, but it was something you had to warm up to, especially since it came from the director of another golden age homage from the 90s called The Rocketeer. For the sequel, however, this is Captain America having to get used to this day and age being a thing of the past, and having to come to the sudden realization that this is a drastically different world we live in, be it for better or worse.


After the screening wrapped up, I had multiple thoughts running through my head. The main one that stuck out was the following: much like Hugh Jackman's Wolverine and Robert Downey Jr.'s Iron Man, Chris Evans IS Captain America. True, Jackman's own adventures as Logan have been very debatable in terms of quality (though the poor end results of X-Men: The Last Stand and X-Men Origins: Wolverine aren't really his fault), but Evans just hits it out of the park, and I don't want to see the mantle passed to anybody else. This might be all the more fitting given that Evans was recently quoted as saying that he'd like to retire from acting once his contract with Marvel Studios has run up (and it sounds like he has no qualms with playing the character). Personally, I wouldn't fault him for doing it. This is very likely going to his legacy, and despite his very entertaining performance in The Avengers, I believe that this is what people will fondly remember him for. Like a true team player, he doesn't completely upstage anybody surrounding or supporting him. Scarlett Johansson's performance as Black Widow has also shockingly grown on me more than I expected, though she does have a few "cornball" lines here and there. Then again, when noted feminist Joss Whedon isn't writing your dialogue this time around, that may not come as a huge surprise. Veteran actors like Robert Redford (playing a very curious senior S.H.I.E.L.D. official) also show up, lending a helping hand and increasing the "legitimacy" of the picture.


For all of the talk about the characters being portrayed excellently, there's also a damn fine story to go along with it. The Winter Soldier sports a surprisingly well-structed and smart narrative packed full of political intrigue that mercifully doesn't alienate or confuse its audience. It does require you to have a fairly decent memory of the first film though, which can compromise some of the overall enjoyment. And while The Avengers sported some outrageously expensive-looking and thrilling action sequences, this picture's action sequences could arguably rival its predecessor's and at times, surpass it with flying colors. Where I complained two weeks ago about a film like Sabotage being rather lazily shot and puzzlingly clumsy, The Winter Soldier's cinematography is anything but. There are an incredible amount of bullets sprayed and no lack of body parts struck by other body parts, but all of it is quite clear and expertly done (kudos to one Trent Opaloch, who also worked on science fiction pieces like District 9 and Elysium). The fact that even smaller characters such as Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury get a time to shine and their sequences are all the more memorable as some featuring the main cast is a testament to how great this motion picture truly is.


If you had told me that a film directed by the same men who directed the usually-forgotten comedy You, Me, and Dupree would end up delivering what may have been my favorite Marvel Studios picture to date, I would have asked for you to be shaved, sterilized, and shot into space. If you had told me that it is arguably one of the best films in this still-maligned and unfairly mocked genre since 2008's The Dark Knight, again, I would have scoffed at you. But my goodness, Captain America: The Winter Soldier delivers on nearly everything you want in a bigger-budget picture without forsaking its brain. It's a necessary viewing for those who don't believe that niche or "geeky" properties can please both sides of the spectrum and it raises the bar on this special little medium we have and usually adore.


And yes, you should stay for the mid-credits and post-credits scene. They're both quite excellent.

Thor: The Dark World (2013) Review

Time has passed since the battle of New York, and along with his fellow warriors and comrades, Thor of Asgard is at work across the nine realms, having fought a two-year war in order to try and preserve peace. On Earth, scientist and old flame Jane Foster comes into contact with the Norse God, but not after a strange exposure to something affiliated with an enemy that predates and overpowers even Odin himself. Soon, the God of Thunder realizes that he may need to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to protect the realms from grave danger, and even forge an uneasy alliance with an old foe if need be.


It does confuse me quite a bit as to how and why 2011's Thor seemed to divide as many people as it did. Perhaps it was the very odd and somewhat unconventional feel the character had compared to his more popular Marvel Comics companions, such as Iron Man and the Hulk, or the fact that Norse and Viking Mythology has never been as popular with mainstream audiences as it could potentially be. Perhaps it was the fact that it might not have been stuffed with as many fight scenes as viewers would have liked. Whatever the case, I was quite a fan, and I was very enthusiastic to welcome a chance to see a followup two years later in the form of Thor: The Dark World. I've also been one of the select few who apparently doesn't do copious amounts of drugs and has thoroughly enjoyed the second phase of Marvel Studios' motion pictures, which are all inevitably leading up to The Avengers: Age of Ultron.


One of the few complaints I had about the original Thor was actually the one thing people recall fondly: its enormous cast. As much as I loved most of everyone involved, the presence of certain individuals felt more like an excuse for then-director Kenneth Branagh to show off to his friends (lord knows I'd probably brag at least once about getting to direct Sir Anthony Hopkins myself), and a decent portion of these folks ended up with almost nothing to do. This is rectified by newer director Alan Taylor, known mostly for his work on Game of Thrones and The Sopranos, so he's clearly used to dealing with casts of a considerable size. With this decision, everyone gets at least one or two good chances to shine in Thor: The Dark World. Yes, that does include Tadanobu Asano (Ichi The Killer), Kat Dennings (Two Broke Girls), and even Rene Russo (Get Shorty), who I thought was completed wasted in the first film. As for the newer additions to the cast, well, when you're forced to deal with the old "enemy of my enemy" situation, you have to remember to flesh that newer enemy out after all. Alas, Malekith is no Loki, but by no means is he a completely terrible villain. He just ends up more in the run-of-the-mill category, with nothing more to offer than a few quips here and there, and a costume that I'm sure will be popular at the next big comic book and entertainment convention nearest you. Still, he won't exactly wow audiences unfamiliar with his comic book background and origin.


I don't need to waste your time by telling you that the old cast is obviously good either, but knowing that one day Tom Hiddleston is either going to resign or just stop returning calls to play Loki completely breaks my heart. The man was born to play this character, and just seems to play him better and better every time around, adding a new layer that we hadn't seen before, or thought was unbecoming of the God of Mischief. Perhaps the only disappointment in the "old guard" was Stellan Skarsgard's Dr. Erik Selvig, who could have honestly been written out of the film entirely, and has been reduced to kooky comic relief, with occasional flashes of his original genius still intact. As to why his moments of importance couldn't have gone to Kat Dennings' Darcy Lewis? Well, I guess you can't have enough comic relief in one film, can you? Perhaps there can only be room for one smart woman in a picture by Marvel's standards too, and Portman has a bigger resume in the end. Oh well.


Now, before you think that I'm savaging this picture out of pure disappointment, I can assure you that I did actually really enjoy the film overall, and didn't regret spending my money whatsoever. Wait, don't click the "X" just yet! Let me get on to something else that I genuinely liked, and that was the action sequences. While Malekith is no Loki, his Dark Elves and their army bring a science fiction/fantasy crossover appeal to these sequences that, while completely unexpected, makes for one heck of a visual feast. More uptight fans might scoff at this melding of several different ideas (starships in Asgard for one), but I may have to remind you that you're watching a movie based off of a comic book universe (and forgiveness for the minor spoiler, but there are no other Avengers in this picture….technically. This is called Thor: The Dark World, not Thor & Friends). The final fight sequence in Thor: The Dark World takes place in London, and with the abuse of teleportation between the nine realms and heavy blow upon heavy blow, it might make even Dragon Ball creator Akira Toriyama himself ask "Why didn't I think of something like that?".


Though I may have spoiled my own final thoughts above, I still did have a blast with Thor: The Dark World. I can see some more stingy audiences whose expectations have been raised by the quality of certain Marvel Studios pictures being disappointed, but it does seem inevitable these days considering how even traces of the geek ideology and mindset has inserted itself into all of us one way or another. *sigh* If only this barrage of new comic projects and films was present during my high school years. Then, we could have seen an even greater number of franchises rise to prominence and be turned into movie franchises (*coughPreachercough). Perhaps we can still hope. Or at least pester the creators. But anyway, long story short, the movie is fun. Go check it out.

Iron Man 3 Review

Following the events in New York, several attacks occur around the United States, all seemingly spearheaded by a mysterious man simply called "The Mandarin." Tony Stark decides to take action, and issues a challenge to the terrorist, all the while dealing with demons in his own life, be they from the present, or, as we come to find out, from the past.


Before I start this review, I want to express what a disappointment it is that the experience of the "Midnight Movie" is slowly being phased out. I was curious as to why this was even something up for discussion by theater owners, and found that it was solely due to the terrible event last summer in Colorado, where psychopathic dipshit James Holmes murdered twelve people at a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. Apparently, the thought is that when you take away the planned time of a massacre, it can prevent one. Does this make any sense to any individual who made it past the 8th grade? No? Well congratulations, you're a sane human being. Murderers usually don't care about what specific time of the day they pull off something like this, and pushing a screening for something like Iron Man 3 to 9:02 pm instead of midnight is NOT going to prevent this. There are other ways folks. But I don't want to ramble on too long since this is a post for a review, not a rant.


You know the old saying "The man makes the suit, not the other way around?" Well, Iron Man 3 could be the very definition of that, even if the suit is really damn cool. The third installment in what (I suppose) could be constituted as a trilogy, the film firmly establishes itself from the get go as a Tony Stark story, and not as an Avengers sequel. Without spoiling anything, there are small references here and there to the other characters and previous events in this universe, but it may be best to remind you that the film IS called Iron Man 3, and not Iron Man 3 featuring An Occasional Avengers Character.

The classic theme of the past coming back to bite you in the rear is also greatly explored, as we're introduced to quite a number of new faces in this installment, including A.I.M. scientist Aldrich Killian (played excellently by Guy Pearce), Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall), who has created a new regenerative serum called "Extremis," and big baddie The Mandarin, played by the most evil actor of all time, Gandhi. Every new supporting character does a fine job with what they're given, though Kingsley's Mandarin seemed like he almost went into Ultimate Warrior territory with some of his slurring and odd behavior. There's a big twist that happens about halfway through the film that may draw the ire of the comic faithful, but I think it was forgivable given that it enhanced the strength of the film's main villain, who may arguably be the best they've had to date in the Iron Man movies.

Don't worry about the old gang either, they aren't pushed into the background in order to make room for the new kids in class. Robert Downey Jr. is, of course, excellent as always, and Stark's story of rebuilding his life and redeeming himself could very well be a mirror for his own life since taking on the role. True, that was explored in the first picture as well, but, again, without getting into spoilers, it works just as well here, and helps the character grow further, helping remind him that the smallest mistakes and amounts of ignorance can lead to the worst of scenarios. Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts just seems to get better over the course of these films, and she's certainly a focal point in this chapter (and without sounding a like a pervert, Paltrow looks pretty damn good here). Jon Favreau also returns as Stark Industries' Head of Security Happy Hogan, and even though his screen time is very small, it brings some nice comic relief to the film. As for Don Cheadle's James Rhodes, I felt like he was somewhat tacked on and didn't have nearly screen time as he could have. But then again, he had almost too much screen time in Iron Man 2, so maybe this was a fair trade.

Finally, the action sequences in Iron Man 3 are, to put it bluntly, pretty damn awesome. Shane Black is no stranger to writing well thought out and memorable action scenes (writing the scripts for Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, while also directing the latter, is proof of this), and the main ones could easily rival those seen in last summer's The Avengers. True, there are a few moments where you'll have to suspend your disbelief due to the classic "convenience" effect, but sometimes that's a given when going to the cinema. There are quite a number of moments where Tony Stark the man gets the chance to shine, proving that he isn't completely useless without his little suit(s) of armor.

While I wasn't the biggest fan of Iron Man 2, and am still nervous about the potential overexposure of the Marvel Universe in Hollywood, Shane Black's Iron Man 3 is damn near everything a moviegoer looking for honest-to-god fun could have. This is one fantastic way to kick off what is sure to be a very interesting summer.

The Amazing Spider-Man Review

Peter Parker is your average high school teen. Socially awkward, living with his aunt and uncle, vying for a girl he may or may not be able to get, swinging around New York as a masked crime fighter....alright, so one of those things separates him from most other teenagers. As Peter starts to discover more about his newfound powers, he also starts uncovering clues about the disappearance of his parents, and the ties his father had to man named Curt Connors...


Scary newsflash: it has only been ten years since Sam Raimi's Spider-Man hit cinemas. After the second sequel to Raimi's monstrously successful film was met with much fan backlash, and Raimi himself decided he was done with ol' web-head, Sony Pictures made the decision to go with a reboot of the franchise, rather than risk another sequel (and after reading up on their plans for Spider-Man 4, thank merciful christ that they did). So was it even necessary? Well...

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone make an infinitely better Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy than Tobey Maguire and Bryce Dallas Howard ever did, though in the case of the latter, she was barely in the much maligned Spider-Man 3 as it was. They have good chemistry, but I have to say Peter's hairstyle and passion for skateboarding made it painfully obvious that they were trying to appeal to the younger generation of today (i.e. the Twilight crowd). I've never understood the need for such a thing considering Spidey's popularity has never particularly waned, even before the Raimi trilogy came out. Garfield's discovery of his powers is rather fun however, even if it does get dragged out some. The supporting cast is fairly competent, and the actors portraying Flash Thompson and Curt Connors (Chris Zylka and Rhys Ifans) were both quite good. Somewhat ironic considering Zylka stunk so badly in Piranha 3DD, but that's another story.

Speaking of Ifans, despite my praise of his Curt Connors, I thought the Lizard himself was incredibly mediocre. It looked more akin to a Killer Croc cosplay rather than a man who had mutated into a giant reptilian/human hybrid. And honestly, was the addition of the character having arguments with himself really needed? We already had that with Norman Osborn, there was no need to revisit it. The fight sequences are pretty spectacular (whoops, guess that's a pun. Bleh), with the school fight and bridge scenes almost making up for the underwhelming last minutes of the movie itself.

One last complaint (and this'll be my last) was the absolutely non-existant relationship between Aunt May and Peter. The relationship between Ben Parker and Peter is handled well here, though with a less impacting death than it deserved. Afterwards, you never even get the sense that Peter cares for her, and there barely feels like any connection between the two. Anyone who has ever read a Spider-Man comic, or even glimpsed at one, knows how much the man cares for her and how he'd bend over backwards to keep her happy and safe. Perhaps they'll rectify this is a sequel, but who really knows. After all, according to the generation of now, older people be whack yo!

Overall, this is still a very fun film. It still feels too soon to reboot this franchise, but I'm interested to see where they take this new Spider-man. I've heard that plans will include two sequels, with actor J.K. Simmons expressing interest in returning as J. Jonah Jameson. Personally, I'd love to see him back, and I'd like to see some of the darker storylines in the comics explored and adapted to the big screen.

Then again, sometimes when we ask for that, we get Daredevil.

*shudder*