Unseen Terror 2015: Day 13

Several years have passed since the slaughter at a boarding school that left many students dead, with the perpetrators purported to be demonic creatures possessing the bodies of the living. Regardless, policemen are now asked to be on watch at the spooky abode, in case anything truly horrible does indeed exist inside of the property. During one Halloween night, a large group of teenagers on the way to a party decide to stop at a gas station, but after an incident involving an attempt to illegally purchase alcohol goes south rather fast, the gang finds themselves forced to find shelter from the law. Thinking that nobody would dare to search for them at the infamous Hull House, they pull in for the evening, but all it takes is one small mistake to reawaken noted devilish being Angela, and the band of people will discover that the cops are the least of their problems tonight.



Quite a few days ago, I somehow gave a passing grade to 1994's Night Of The Demons 2. It was far from what you could call a good movie, though perhaps its primary antagonist and occasional cooky moment (its opening comes to mind) kept me from being completely disappointed. Ultimately, I didn't regret spending my time watching it, but I felt like it just lacked a certain amount of charm that the 1988 flick had. So, after hearing that original Night madmen Kevin S. Tenney and his brother Dennis were returning to the fold as writer and composer, I thought that there was perhaps a glimmer of hope left for a decent sequel.


Then I remembered that both men's previous work came from yesterday's godawful Pinocchio's Revenge. And I sighed. Then cringed. Then sighed again. This could be either a redemption story or another trip down the fecal waterslide.


One sin that Night Of The Demons 3 commits right out of the gate is the liberal reuse of multiple shots and scenes from the original film, a trait and fact that I failed to mention in my review for the previous installment. Yes, I'm aware that my own problem with this is hypocritical considering that I own (and enjoy) movies like Godzilla On Monster Island, and there have even been entire pictures released that were composed of nearly nothing BUT stock footage (1961's Valley Of The Dragons is a prime example). Still, this is no excuse for a movie series that started out with such promise and is brazenly taking from its own nearly ten-year-old predecessor. And speaking of its forefather, the question of how Angela (played once again by future pet psychic Amelia Kinkade) is even alive after violently perishing in movies one and two is never answered. For that matter, as small as the town is that claims Hull House as its own, you would think that perhaps more people, be they officers, civilians, or even paranormal agents, would be wise to Angela's wrongdoings and the establishment's supposed connection to the gates of hell. Eh, maybe I'm looking into this a little too much.


If there can be any semblance of praise that I can give this particular motion picture, it's that it was nice to hear a remix/more bombast version of the theme heard from the first film. There's also one Ms. Kinkade, who despite working with some incredibly dull actors and actresses around her (Christian Tesser of Are You Afraid Of The Dark? and Kris Holden-Ried of The Tudors should probably try and erase this from their resumes), seems to be in good spirits throughout its ninety minute running time. Unfortunately, this time around she isn't given much in the way of interesting things to do (save for one oddly arousing, yet funny scene that I'm way too happy to post below this review), and even her choice for an "erotic" dance sequence in here is disappointing. Seriously, how does one go from Bauhaus and Morbid Angel to what sounds like a bad outtake from the 1990s-era of U2? Makeup-wise, most of the scenes of Angela and her minions in their demonic forms just look flat-out cheap, which might also explain why they chose to rehash so much of O.G. Night's spots. There's also the wonderful use of CGI, which outside of some of the works from James Cameron and the like, was still in that dreaded feeling out phase. If you thought that some of the computer effects in television programs like Reboot and movies like Mortal Kombat: Annihilation looked bad, well....they're still worse than this, but not by much.


For reasons unknown to me, Night Of The Demons was retitled and released as Demon House over in the United Kingdom. I can't track down a logical explanation from Kevin Tenney as to why this choice was made, but I would assume it was because they thought that there was more potential for extra money to be made by fooling a small chunk of its audience. Or perhaps the previous entries never saw great distribution overseas, flopping and killing any hopes for them to catch a glimpse of this (supposedly) final chapter? In the end, it doesn't matter a great deal since the finished product is such an underwhelming effort in a series that probably should have never been one to begin with. Tracking down a copy of this on VHS or DVD is akin to one's attempt to find cryptozoological creatures. It will cost you more than one person with employment should ever spend on something niche, and will likely leave you disappointed with the end results. Then again, at least there is scientific proof of this film's existence.



Oh yeah, I promised to post that one sequence, didn't I? Well, there's no real gentlemanly way to set up this gem. Enjoy, but keep it down if you're at work.

God I love you Amelia Kinkade, even if you're kind of nuts.




Tomorrow, we may or may not be taking a quick detour from cinema. But fret not! 1998's entry may actually be a nice, and potentially coincidental, trip down memory lane...

Unseen Terror 2014: Day 2

Three years have passed since the "Judas Breed," a newer scientifically-designed brand of insect created to combat rare diseases, grew to an immense size and began to hunt down humankind, their only true threat. While initially thought to have been completely eradicated in an underground explosion, entomologist Remi Panos, comrade to Judas Breed creator Susan Tyler, theorizes that some of these bugs may have survived after all. Worse yet, the strand may have begun to evolve and take on new characteristics, including the ability to physically resemble human beings.


No, that tagline listed on the home video is far from being accurate. At all. There are numerous ways to get rid of what essentially is a giant cockroach with sharpened legs and the ability to use them as weapons. Fire and guns do wonders.


Now that I've gotten that little bit of misleading garbage out of the way, I'm quite certain that Mimic 2: Hardshell (a subtitle that I'm convinced was only inserted to attract Netflix viewers since I can't seem to find it on many other releases of the film) is hardly the type of end result that Guillermo Del Toro, director of the previous installment, would have ever imagined would occur after his noted box office disappointment was released in 1998. If they chosen to subtitle it "Halfshell," and the movie had been about the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles contracting rabies, then maybe the end result would have made for a better experience.


Alix Koromzy reprises her role as Remi Panos, the best friend to Mira Sorvino from the first film. It was nice to see a familiar face return, but to be honest, she was barely familiar to someone like myself. The lady is nearly unrecognizable, and it wasn't until the very end that I recalled her being in Mimic at all, especially since she only had about ten or fifteen minutes worth of screen time in Del Toro's picture. It's the equivalent of if Danny Cooksey's character from Terminator 2: Judgement Day was cast as the lead in a future sequel. By no means is she an unsympathetic character, but the problem with Remi taking center stage is that she is almost too weird for her own good. While complaining about being an "oddball magnet" earlier on, she proceeds to go on a date wherein she does absolutely nothing but talk about the reproductive cycle of assorted insects. Look, I'm the furthest thing from a casanova, but just because you're passionate about something out of the ordinary, doesn't mean you should bring it up during dinner conversation. There's a reason that I won't gush about Godzilla films to most women that I meet. Koromzy could have gushed more in scenes outside of this one though, since she seems to resemble and channel a zombified Cynthia Nixon whenever she has to act or read important lines.


She's joined by a kid who loves to do hoodrat stuff with his friends, and a horny ex-student who seems like he took all of his cues from the cast of The Outsiders, but forgot to add any interesting traits outside of those to help him stand out. They find themselves holed up inside of a school (which at one point contains an all-too-brief appearance from character actor Jon Polito), and the film turns into a copy of the previous installment, with the trio to survive until help arrives or the school if fumigated. Which itself was a ripoff of certain events from Alien & Aliens. This comparison isn't necessarily a bad thing, because hey, if you're going to steal from another franchise, it might as well be from a good one, but it doesn't establish an identity for itself (tell me that the final twenty minutes isn't similar to Ridley Scott's picture and I will argue with you for approximately sixty seconds).


I feel like I haven't taken any time to discuss the Judas Breed bugs themselves though. They're certainly more bloodthirsty this time around, and they product a higher body count than GDT's previous film did. The special and visual effects behind some of the creatures do look admirable, at least when you consider that this went straight-to-DVD. It almost makes you forget that there's an abundance of that dreaded early-2000s CGI scattered throughout as well. Up close, they look fairly impressive, and you can see that there was some level of respect retained from the original. But then, the new plot twist takes effect, with the breed learning how to wear human faces (seriously) and the movie just kind of takes a sharp nosedive because of it. Mimic 2's conclusion also inspires way too many unintentional laughs, with the final prop and act committed to said prop make it look like something out of a Gwar show.


Without spoiling too many other plot elements, I can sum up Mimic 2 in one "Simpsons" quote: "Aww,  so that's what's wrong with the little fella: he misses casual sex." You do the thinking yourself there. Despite a few bright spots here and there, you can pretty much hit this one with a can of raid and stick with the first film, which while being far from perfect (shameless review link here), was infinitely more enjoyable and at least had the message of not trying to play god or misuse science.

Young adult Marvin, one of several survivors of the infamous disease that spread throughout Manhattan children in 1998, spends his day holed up in his room due to an intense sensitivity to chemicals in the environment. In order to help fight the threat of boredom, he takes numerous photos of his surrounding neighbors from his apartment window. Over the course of several days, Marvin and younger sister Rosy take heed of several disappearances around the surrounding area, including those of whom Marvin has photographed before. Through investigation, the siblings discover that the culprits may have a truly frightening connection to the young man's past.


From the opening scene of a child being brutally murdered by a cloaked, killer bug, I was under the assumption that Mimic 3: Sentinel was trying to go for more cheap thrills and be another generic nature-gone-amok motion picture. But then I glanced at the cast list, and saw far more familiar faces than I ever thought I would. My confidence that perhaps quality could be delivered from this second, and most likely unneeded sequel, had risen ever so slightly.


Mimic 3: Sentinel should truthfully be called Rear Window: Now With Bugs! It's far from an original concept, and is even more blatant with paying tribute to superior directors and pictures. But like I said above, if you're going to rip somebody off, you might as well take it from someone with talent. It does actually boast some Hitchcockian themes, including the idea of toying with the audience during pivotal segments, and choosing to build to a shock rather than rush things. But that's the last time you'll ever hear me bring up that legend's name in a review about a flick which features a man getting stabbed in the face who still manages to fire off a shotgun several seconds later, and yet does no damage despite landing a clear headshot himself.


The slower pacing of the third film is both its greatest asset and its biggest downfall. Writer and director J.T. Petty, who would go on to direct the pretty darn great The Burrowers (shameless review link number two here) has no doubt that he wants the audience to care, and root for, its heroes and protagonists. He accomplishes it better than I expected him to, but outside of Marvin and his sister Rosy (who you may identify from Broken Flowers), there are far too many expendable secondary ones who serve as nothing but food for the bugs. Even Amanda Plummer, playing Marvin's mother, and Lance Henriksen, playing a withdrawn and mysterious neighbor only nicknamed "The Garbageman," don't serve much of a point, as they're both in the movie for about ten to twelve minutes apiece. Because of this, the final act feels like an afterthought, speeding to a conclusion that felt like it was written on the day of shooting. Mimic 3: Sentinel also boasts a running time of seventy seven minutes, which is criminal for a movie such as this. Even the bugs themselves, which are hidden by terrible lighting (or lack thereof), don't get much screen time until the final act. How this film cost ten million dollars to make is flabbergasting to me, especially since the terrible CGI from Mimic 2 seems to have been carried over to this installment as well.


I would have been more than happy to give J.T. Petty's sequel a recommendation had the wrap-up not been so rushed (plus the film doesn't conclude as much as it just…stops), and the film had added a good twenty minutes or more to its running time. As it stands, Mimic 3: Sentinel is only decent enough to warrant an afternoon viewing out of sheer boredom and desperation to kill time.



Or if you have a secret desire to see Honey Pie from Pulp Fiction get stabbed by a giant bug and then set aflame.



Tomorrow, we're taking a break from the bugs and picking up some hot, new toys with Annabelle!

Iron Man 3 Review

Following the events in New York, several attacks occur around the United States, all seemingly spearheaded by a mysterious man simply called "The Mandarin." Tony Stark decides to take action, and issues a challenge to the terrorist, all the while dealing with demons in his own life, be they from the present, or, as we come to find out, from the past.


Before I start this review, I want to express what a disappointment it is that the experience of the "Midnight Movie" is slowly being phased out. I was curious as to why this was even something up for discussion by theater owners, and found that it was solely due to the terrible event last summer in Colorado, where psychopathic dipshit James Holmes murdered twelve people at a midnight screening of The Dark Knight Rises. Apparently, the thought is that when you take away the planned time of a massacre, it can prevent one. Does this make any sense to any individual who made it past the 8th grade? No? Well congratulations, you're a sane human being. Murderers usually don't care about what specific time of the day they pull off something like this, and pushing a screening for something like Iron Man 3 to 9:02 pm instead of midnight is NOT going to prevent this. There are other ways folks. But I don't want to ramble on too long since this is a post for a review, not a rant.


You know the old saying "The man makes the suit, not the other way around?" Well, Iron Man 3 could be the very definition of that, even if the suit is really damn cool. The third installment in what (I suppose) could be constituted as a trilogy, the film firmly establishes itself from the get go as a Tony Stark story, and not as an Avengers sequel. Without spoiling anything, there are small references here and there to the other characters and previous events in this universe, but it may be best to remind you that the film IS called Iron Man 3, and not Iron Man 3 featuring An Occasional Avengers Character.

The classic theme of the past coming back to bite you in the rear is also greatly explored, as we're introduced to quite a number of new faces in this installment, including A.I.M. scientist Aldrich Killian (played excellently by Guy Pearce), Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall), who has created a new regenerative serum called "Extremis," and big baddie The Mandarin, played by the most evil actor of all time, Gandhi. Every new supporting character does a fine job with what they're given, though Kingsley's Mandarin seemed like he almost went into Ultimate Warrior territory with some of his slurring and odd behavior. There's a big twist that happens about halfway through the film that may draw the ire of the comic faithful, but I think it was forgivable given that it enhanced the strength of the film's main villain, who may arguably be the best they've had to date in the Iron Man movies.

Don't worry about the old gang either, they aren't pushed into the background in order to make room for the new kids in class. Robert Downey Jr. is, of course, excellent as always, and Stark's story of rebuilding his life and redeeming himself could very well be a mirror for his own life since taking on the role. True, that was explored in the first picture as well, but, again, without getting into spoilers, it works just as well here, and helps the character grow further, helping remind him that the smallest mistakes and amounts of ignorance can lead to the worst of scenarios. Gwyneth Paltrow's Pepper Potts just seems to get better over the course of these films, and she's certainly a focal point in this chapter (and without sounding a like a pervert, Paltrow looks pretty damn good here). Jon Favreau also returns as Stark Industries' Head of Security Happy Hogan, and even though his screen time is very small, it brings some nice comic relief to the film. As for Don Cheadle's James Rhodes, I felt like he was somewhat tacked on and didn't have nearly screen time as he could have. But then again, he had almost too much screen time in Iron Man 2, so maybe this was a fair trade.

Finally, the action sequences in Iron Man 3 are, to put it bluntly, pretty damn awesome. Shane Black is no stranger to writing well thought out and memorable action scenes (writing the scripts for Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, while also directing the latter, is proof of this), and the main ones could easily rival those seen in last summer's The Avengers. True, there are a few moments where you'll have to suspend your disbelief due to the classic "convenience" effect, but sometimes that's a given when going to the cinema. There are quite a number of moments where Tony Stark the man gets the chance to shine, proving that he isn't completely useless without his little suit(s) of armor.

While I wasn't the biggest fan of Iron Man 2, and am still nervous about the potential overexposure of the Marvel Universe in Hollywood, Shane Black's Iron Man 3 is damn near everything a moviegoer looking for honest-to-god fun could have. This is one fantastic way to kick off what is sure to be a very interesting summer.