Unseen Terror 2024: Spooky Title of Your Choosing (Day 31)

Well, it’s the end of the month. Time for the final batch of flicks. Hope everyone’s Halloween has been fun. Maybe next year I'll actually venture out into the world again.

I wasn’t planning on having 1984’s Don’t Open Till Christmas as the closer for 2024’s iteration of Unseen Terror, but I figured it could be a fitting note to end on considering that when the clock strikes midnight, the slumbering beast known as Mariah Carey will emerge and terrorize the world for the next couple of months. Plus, I don’t really have a strong desire to end my marathon with an Eli Roth flick like Thanksgiving. Anyways, this is the first "traditional" slasher movie that I’ve seen in recent memory to NOT take place in or come from North America. It’s a simple story of authorities pursuing a mysterious figure who’s been killing off Santa impersonators in London during Christmastime. The first thing that must be noted about Don’t Open Till Christmas is how much of a nightmare it was behind the scenes to complete and release the movie. First, its main actor/director Edmund Purdom quit after constant conflicts with producers (which led to delays and rescheduling while shooting). Afterwards, the movie’s co-writer Derek Ford was hired to take over and complete the picture…only to be relieved after two measly days on the job. After THAT, editor Ray Selfie was hired to direct, and they demanded that most of the script be rewritten by another individual. Because of the previously mentioned Purdom leaving the production, they also asked that much of the movie be re-shot. Many characters had to be recast as well due to some of the original performers being unavailable to return at the time. Eventually, Purdom came back to finish directing and complete his on-screen scenes.

 

You got all of that?

 

The result is a slasher flick that feels extremely awkward, though still admittedly entertaining. The influence from the Italian giallo scene is very noticeable in some of its color palette (very bright red blood for example) and there are some very sudden outbursts of extreme violence that feel slightly like the material seen in Pieces (both coincidentally produced by Dick Randall). That’s another hyperviolent release from the mid-80s that I’ve previously reviewed, but Pieces is a lot more competent and unapologetic for what it is. Also, Pieces wouldn’t have wasted casting genre favorite Caroline Munro (famously known for roles in Maniac, The Golden Voyage of Sinbad, The Spy Who Loved Me, and MANY hammer horror flicks) in a two-minute-long cameo that ultimately serves no purpose other than to make her scream at the sight of a dead body. At least Munro understood the assignment given out here though; most of this cast is eerily calm about seeing horrific murders committed in front of their eyes. Hell, one of the picture’s first slayings is seeing someone get a spear shot through their head IN FRONT OF PEOPLE AT A PARTY, and only one person seems genuinely shocked or horrified. Maybe this is a British thing? Maybe I’m just being too anal about these kinds of flicks.

 

Don’t Open Till Christmas is like that person you randomly see at a bar who can’t quite hit the bullseye on the dart board, but still manages to elicit an “ah, at least you tried man” from the patrons. It’s just too clumsy to warrant a strong recommendation but compared to some of the other material I’ve viewed this month, it’s far from a complete disaster. If you aren’t in the mood to rewatch the vastly superior “holiday horror” pictures such as Christmas Evil, Silent Night, Deadly Night, or even Gremlins for the umpteenth time, then I suppose you could fire this up.

 

 

 And now we move on to…………. something else.

 

The nicest thing I can say about A Haunted House, a 2013 parody of the “found footage” genre, is that it could’ve been far worse than it is. At this point I don’t think it’s controversial to say that any of the Wayans Brothers’ best days are behind them and that post-Scary Movie, the parody genre has more-or-less become the “reference” genre. Yes, we get lucky with gems like Pop Star, Hot Fuzz, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, and Black Dynamite from time to time, but for the most part it has become dreadful. The funniest part of A Haunted House had to do with an audio review from the now defunct spill.com (which I’ll link to right here. I'd advise starting at the 9-minute mark). I breathed a short sigh of relief when J.B. Smoove and David Koechner showed up because lord knows once I saw Nick Swardson on screen, I almost instantly knew that this movie was doomed. Hard pass on this one. I am not looking forward to Scary Movie 6.

 

To quote the immortal Cypress Hill, however, “I ain’t going out like that.” I had to end on a high note.

 

So, I re-watched Tremors. Again.

 

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a “comfort” watch. Plus, I’d rather have October end on an exciting note about giant, underground worms battling Kevin Bacon & Fred Ward than one where Marlon Wayans takes a dump on his wife’s father’s ashes.

 

Not sure what I can say about Tremors that I already haven’t said either online or in person. It’s a perfect monster movie. It’s a perfect horror-comedy. It’s the right kind of exhilaration packed with memorable characters, endlessly quotable lines, and practical effects that could put most things from modern day “monster” movies to shame. It’s….perfection.

 

Nevada.

 

 

…………………I’m not apologizing for that joke.

 

Anyways, stay tuned because I may be back in the next couple of days to talk about what the future holds for this yearly blog-o-thon thing that I do for fun.

Unseen Terror 2024: Coming Down to the Wire (Day 29)

 

If there ever was a definition of a “cult” film, it would be 1983’s folk horror oddity known as Eyes of Fire. Admittedly I had never even heard of this until last year but given that this was previously unreleased on anything outside of VHS since 1987, it isn’t surprising that it sat in obscurity for anyone who didn’t live in the backroom of their local video store. That, or people who were willing to shill out an entire paycheck for a copy on eBay. Seriously folks, just wait. Eventually everything becomes available to the public for purchase (unless it’s literally a lost film like the original Korean cut of Yongarry, Monster from the Deep or Alfred Hitchcock’s The Mountain Eagle).

 

Timeline-wise, this is one of the oldest films I’ve reviewed for Unseen Terror in quite some time. Eyes of Fire takes place in 1750 during colonial times (and before the United States declared independence) and is told through the viewpoints of two young women who have been discovered by French military officers. Along with a handful of others from their settlement, they were forced to flee after the new, Christian preacher was accused of adultery. They make their way downriver to establish a new colony but find themselves on land that may harbor vengeful spirits rarely seen by man nor beast. Before I get into any further discussion about this, I have to say that we really do need to respect and treasure physical media, because I doubt that anyone save for film connoisseurs such as Arrow Video, Vinegar Syndrome, or Severin Films (the latter of whom were able to get this out on 4K Blu-Ray in 2021) would ever be able to put enough care into making something this old look at least ten years younger than it actually is. From what I understand, Severin ended up going directly to writer/director Avery Crounse for a proper print, and not only was he willing to assist, but he even provided them with the original, lengthier cut (titled Crying Blue Sky) to touch up and release as well should they like. I have to say, I’d be more than willing to watch a longer version of this picture, because I’m almost certain that the additional lost twenty-something minutes could make things a bit more coherent than what we have here. Mind you, what we get here is pretty damn great though.

 

As expected with a lot of entries in the “folk horror” genre, there is some trippy and surreal imagery found throughout Eyes of Fire, especially in its second half. There wasn’t a single time when I saw faces seemingly engraved in trees that I didn’t get a slightly weird vibe. The film as a whole is very photogenic, which makes sense when you consider that Crounse’s background was primarily in the photography field. Its slow, sometimes quiet nature almost feels like it’s out of place (in a good way!) for something released during one of the most decadent and “outrageous” decades of cinema. If you were to feature this at a showcase for obscure horror movies at your local cineplex, I think people would be genuinely surprised that this wasn’t released in the late 70s. As for the quality of the film beyond its striking visuals? Well, I’d say that the acting is mostly very solid, with the striking Karlene Crockett standing out as a mostly mute and very peculiar ally whose past could unexpectedly help shape everyone’s future. There’s also the previously mentioned preacher played by the late Dennis Lipscomb, whose foolish hopes and faith are constantly put to the test as we see him slowly descend into madness. Everyone else feels slightly underdeveloped (including a young Rob Paulsen…. yes,THAT Rob Paulsen for all of you voiceover geeks reading this), but I’d attribute that more to studio interference and forced cuttings than anything else.

 

I don’t really give out unofficial “awards” for these kinds of marathons that I do (despite some people saying that I should), but I’d say that Eyes of Fire would win for best hidden gem of this year’s Unseen Terror. I think that if you’re a fan of more renown entries in the folk horror field (i.e. The Wicker Man, The Witch, Midsommar), this is worth tracking down. It’s currently streaming on Shudder and is available to purchase on Blu-Ray from Severin Films.

Unseen Terror 2024: Generic Serial-Related Pun (Days 19-22)

Movies huh? Anyways, I’d say that if there was any connecting theme between the four films today it would be “notoriety.” I’m basing that off pulling that out of my ass at the last minute because I’ve had bad writer’s block. Anyways, let’s move on.

 

(poster by Thomas Walker)

In terms of longevity, few films have been on the “queue” for Unseen Terror longer than Michael Mann’s Manhunter. I have no legitimate excuse for why it took so long to finally watch it until 2024. Maybe laziness? I mean hell, how did I choose watching every single Hellraiser and Children of the Corn sequel over watching the on-screen debut of infamous fictional serial killer Hannibal Lector? Manhunter stars William Petersen as retired FBI criminal profiler Will Graham, who is dragged out of retirement to assist in the arresting of a new serial killer nicknamed “The Tooth Fairy.” Still mentally scarred following his last case and encounter with a killer (in this case, Brian Cox’s Hannibal Lector), he must confront demons from his past to track down this new, enigmatic force. I’ll admit that it was somewhat difficult to NOT compare this older adaptation of Thomas Harris’ Red Dragon novel to the one that came out in 2002, because in terms of accuracy and faithfulness to the source material, that picture leaves in parts from the book that are absent here. That being said, I’d argue that between the two pieces of film, this is the more stylistically captivating (its use of strong color cues and tinted sceneries are otherworldly), and it’s a more well-made flick in general. The performances from everyone (Petersen and Cox in particular) are triumphant, and with the way that Michael Mann shoots it you feel like you’re just stuck inside some semblance of what once was a more “normal” world. The score of Manhunter is one of its strongest aspects too; Michel Rubini’s sounds are synth-heavy, making the picture feel dated in a good way. Not much can replicate it.

 

Manhunter is a tremendous and superbly underrated flick that I regret not watching sooner. I suspect that there is much more to analyze and take in upon repeated viewings too, which I’ll be more than happy to do over the next few years. It’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime, but if you lack access to that, there are several methods in which you can gain a physical copy of the flick itself.

 

 

I was slightly mistaken when glancing at the poster for 1988’s Jack’s Back, as I was under the impression this would be more like a horror film than what it really turned out to be: a mystery flick with James Spader somehow NOT playing a villain. Hey, I can’t help that I’ve become accustomed to seeing him play a slimeball throughout most of my picture-viewing life. I sure hope he’s a nice fella in real life. The movie stars Spader as one of several people seeking the identity of a person who has begun committing murders on the 100^th anniversary of Jack the Ripper’s first slayings. Without giving too much away, this movie’s biggest twist occurs VERY early on, which while surprising, has been spoiled by nearly every media outlet or movie aggregator (Letterboxd is guilty of this too). I do wish it was a little more “thrilling” or even scary, but there are some moments of intensity and shots of gore that almost made me forget that this is from the same director who’d go on to direct cult favorite Road House a year after this hit cinemas. Overall, it’s a breezy watch, and Spader’s utter weirdness (even as a normal person) and eternal charming nature helps elevate it to the “pretty good” pile.

 

 

 

…. what? Marvel/20^th Century Fox advertised their final X-Men-related piece (or did they? Hyuk Hyuk) as their first foray into the world of horror, so I’m going to say this counts for the list. Besides, I’ve already seen Brightburn, and I’m not in a hurry to revisit that. Anyways, considering the notorious amount of reshoots, delays, edits, and general hell that The New Mutants went through, it’s a miracle that this turned out to be watchable AT ALL. The movie is centered around a group of young mutants (a.k.a. a human that possesses a genetic trait which usually manifests into powers) being held in a secret facility and spending most of their time brooding, squabbling, and acting like less fun versions of the kids from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Something weird comes up and they discover that they’re being held captive to be turned into weapons instead of heroes, and someone seems to be manifesting their darkest fears into reality. As far as characters go, this is a real mixed bag. The cast is full of talented performers like Maisie Williams (Game of Thrones), Charlie Heaton (Stranger Things), and Anya Taylor-Joy (The Witch, Furiosa), but most of the time they’re either trying a bit too hard with tacked-on bad accents (seriously guys, Illyana/Magik is Russian, but she doesn’t talk or act like a racist Yakov Smirnoff) or just saddled with very predictable dialogue. Even if you aren’t a comics purist or X-Men devotee, you can still sense that something doesn’t feel quite right. But how does it fare as a horror film? Well….it has a giant CGI spirit bear that violently mauls some people, and the cast find themselves being terrorized by things called “The Smiling Men,” who look like rejected creature designs from Silent Hill. Also, Maisie Williams can kinda-sorta turn into a Werewolf at will. Sooooooo, there’s that.

 

Honestly, it sounds like I’m being a real cynic but considering that this followed the trainwrecks that were X-Men: Apocalypse and The Dark Phoenix, this is a masterpiece in comparison to those two. I didn’t find myself upset watching this one (though I was occasionally bored), and I’m glad I can finally say that I’ve watched “Marvel’s first horror movie” (the amount of disrespect to Blade by the way…some motherfuckers I swear), but it’s ultimately a big collective shrug.

 

 

 

Seeing as how all the Disney+ Simpsons shorts are the worst thing since the last worst thing ever, I’d rather not talk about this one and just move on. Half a star for Kelsey as Sideshow Bob because I’m a stupid mark.

 

 

The story of Woman of the Hour is perhaps the most “notorious” of the ones I’m reviewing today, and that’s because it’s based on a very real, very odd moment in television that a large chunk of people could have faint memories of; during an episode of old television staple The Dating Game (for you youngins’, imagine a sillier predecessor to Love is Blind), the featured bachelorette unknowingly picked a date with a man who was secretly a serial killer (played by Daniel Zovatto). It also marks the directorial debut of established actress Anna Kendrick, who also stars as an aspiring actress who is coaxed onto the show by her agent because they assume it will lead to television exposure and future projects. There is some loose playing with history here for the sake of crafting a more taut and tense picture, but for the most part it works very well. Zovatto can switch between surprisingly charming and terrifying at the drop of a hat, and I sure hope the guy gets a chance to be cast in some bigger projects. I’d say that the overall message of Woman of the Hour is to please believe women when they say that something seems very “off” about an individual, as you never know how long their creepy tendencies have been prominent and (in this case) how large their body count may be. It’s on Netflix and worth an evening viewing. I’d be very happy to see Anna Kendrick direct a full-fledged horror movie sooner than later now.

Unseen Terror 2024: Moore is More Than Enough (Day 2)

Before this review begins, I’ll get it out of the way right now: no, this has nothing to do with 2019’s Academy Award-winning black comedy/thriller of the same name. I trust you folks to come up with better jokes than that. I also have to say that sitting through this was a real chore solely because of how many ads are thrown into Parasite’s running time on Plex (its current location for streaming), which seemed to stretch its 88-minute running time to nearly two hours. I guess I can’t complain TOO much about any motion picture being completely free to watch, but boy did it cut into my sleeping habits. Anyways, let’s get this over with.

 

Initially, 1982’s Parasite was set to appear much later in this year’s Unseen Terror, but through the power of sheer coincidence, it’s getting bumped up to the first week. After all, there’s no better way to follow up (arguably) Demi Moore’s finest hour than with her first major picture debut. Prior to this viewing, my only familiarity with this pseudo-Alien knockoff (set in a post-apocalyptic world and centered around an infected doctor searching for a cure to the “parasite” within his chest) was having seen the poster in the background of a couple of random Youtubers’ videos and seeing it discussed in the awesome In Search of Darkness documentaries (must-watches for horror fans of all generations). Color me surprised when I see that not only was this Moore’s first "proper" foray into the acting field, but it’s directed by Full Moon Productions and Empire Pictures founder Charles Band. It’s even stranger seeing that it costars Ghoulies writer-director Luca Bercovici and has early effects work by the late Stan Winston. So yeah, this is just an odd little blip on most of these peoples’ resumés, isn’t it? To his credit though, Winston’s practical effects are perfectly fine (save for maybe the titular creature, which is brought to life primarily through hand puppetry). That might be the only particular highlight for Parasite though, because this is kind of a slog to get through.

 

Firstly, this thing is sllllloooowwww. Not a slow burn, but more on the sluggish side. Setting anything in a post-nuclear fallout environment, no matter the budget, must be at least mildly interesting, but the pacing offers no reward for your patience (other than seeing a hilariously silly scene where Vivian Blaine of Guys and Dolls fame gets her head turned into one of those puppets from the “Land of Confusion” music video, only for a monster to burst forth). There’s also the problem with the side and stock characters, who feel more like geeks and slasher movie rejects than intimidating bullies or wisemen to our protagonists (bizarre to see a post-Runaways Cherie Currie show up before she’d go bonkers on social media). If you told me that they wandered off the set of a Friday the 13^th knockoff, I would absolutely believe you. Finally, there’s the immensely talented Ms. Moore. She is doing her best, but it also feels like she may have misunderstood the assignment here. I’m not saying you need to ham it up (especially this early in your career), but her complete seriousness amongst a sea of silly shit is oddly jarring. Then again, I’m not sure what I was expecting given the involvement of who is behind the camera. If she had set up and continued a string of ill-fitting performances, who knows where her career would’ve ended up?

 

Demi Moore has gone on record saying that she feels Parasite is the worst film she’s ever starred in. While I certainly respect her opinion, I’d still say that Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle or Blame it on Rio takes the cake in that department. Some of the practical effects and some silliness involving laser pistols prevent it from being a total dud, but it isn’t something I’d recommend you seek out immediately. I kept thinking that Dan O’Bannon and H.R. Giger could’ve watched this and considered suing, but I don’t think it’d even be worth the effort. I’d say this is for diehard fans of……..erm, something.

 

And no, I did not watch this in 3-D as it was originally released in theaters. If your film can’t stand on its own without the use of gimmicks like that, then that’s your fault.

Unseen Terror 2023: No Clever Captions (Days 24-27)

Well, let's get through a few more of these things, shall we? I would say that over these last few days, there has been no particular thing to link this crop of movies together other than......uh, they're movies? Sure, let's go with that. Without spoiling a great deal, I will say that all four films are worth seeking out in some sort of capacity.

My first exposure to 1986's woefully underrated Vamp came from browsing through magazines at the bookstores I frequented as a kid (some of whom I ended up working for down the line). Every time I'd see a shot from the film or shots of Grace Jones, I had no earthly what I was looking at. Perhaps because I wasn't in the mood to be confused at the time (a.k.a. I was in the "bring on the gore" phase of my horror fandom), I kept putting it off. Fast forward twenty-something years later and after finally watching the darn thing, I wish I could go back in time and slap my younger self for taking so long. There are also other things I'd kick my own ass for, but those stories are for another day.

The plot to Vamp revolves around a couple of college kids who desperately wish to get into a fairly famous fraternity, so they coerce a fellow student (Gedde Watanabe of Sixteen Candles fame) to assist them with renting a stripper in an attempt to bribe their way in. Heading to a nearby city, the trio find themselves in a fairly "seedy" strip club, where they run into Grace Jones and a gaggle of strange characters that populate the establishment. Oh, and the whole joint is filled with vampires. The first thing you might be thinking of when you hear Vamp's plot synopsis is "hey, didn't From Dusk Till Dawn" do this already? Indeed, it did, but that particular flick didn't come out until ten years after this one. I know people have often said Quentin Tarantino is not so subtle with his influences sometimes, but knowing what kind of an eccentric person he is, I would absolutely not be surprised to hear that he thinks Vamp is the bee knees. Plus, whereas Dusk is more a welding of action and horror, Vamp primarily focuses on comedy and horror.

Slight similarities aside, does the final product work? Well, I'd say that minus a few things that fall under the "cool for cool's sake" banner, it does. The cast is all pretty darn great, with a few familiar faces like the previously mentioned Watanabe, Sandy Baron (yes, Jack Klompus from Seinfeld), blog favorite Billy Drago, and Deedee Pfeiffer (House III, Big Sky) out and about. The glue that holds this whole thing together though is Grace Jones, and to be perfectly honest with you, I don't think it would warrant too many revisits if she wasn't present. Playing the head vampire and acting almost exclusively mute, she just has this aura that can't really be replicated. Her frequent and very unique wardrobe changes do seem like an excuse to let the costume department play around, but hey, it's a 'B' movie after all.

It's pretty late right now, so I think I'll just finish this by saying Vamp is camp. It's also very fun and has a pretty solid soundtrack for good measure. It's currently streaming on Tubi and the fine folks over at Arrow Video also released a fairly packed Blu-Ray not too long ago.

It didn't occur to me until a few days ago that there wasn't a single kaiju/giant monster movie on this year's list, which is kind of a surprising when you consider that it's become something of an unofficial requirement for my marathon. After I gave up trying to track down the '09 remake of Children of the Corn however, there was an open spot to fill, and one gargantuan, fire-breathing reptile decided to drop in. Somehow, this is the first time that Godzilla's main rival (at least, from a rival Japanese studio) has made an appearance for Unseen Terror, though after sitting through 2006's Gamera the Brave, perhaps I should've chosen to revisit one of his darker forays from the 90s rather than what is essentially an "old school" Gamera movie done in modern day. Not a complaint though!

Gamera the Brave's plot has a lot in common with your basic "boy and his dog" story, or even beloved sci-fi classic E.T the Extra-Terrestrial. Thirty-three years after a battle between Gamera and a flock of enemy monsters nearly destroyed Japan (prevented due to Gamera sacrificing itself to halt the destruction), a young boy named Toru discovers a mysterious egg near the same shore where the battle took place. It hatches a baby turtle. which is nicknamed "Toto" by the kid and kept in secret from his father. Within a very short amount of time however, little Toto starts to grow a little larger...and larger...and larger. When a new monster arrives to wreak havoc across the country however, it's all now in the hands of the smaller Toto to step up and save the world as his predecessor did before him.

If you're thinking that the plot synopsis doesn't sound like anything that could fall under the "horror" category, I would say that you're technically correct (the best kind of correct). However, this could also fall well under another sub-category that I've been trying to cover more of over the years, and that's "family-friendly horror." Nothing in here is TOO frightening to scare younger kids, but it's got just enough menace from the new antagonistic kaiju Zedus (a man-eating sea lizard with neck frills and a piercing tongue) to keep them on the edge of their seats. Plus, the fight sequences are pretty stellar, and they even managed to break the stereotype of the kid friendly Gamera movies by having a child protagonist who isn't a completely unsympathetic, irritating pain in the ass. Big wag of the finger to some of the extended monologue sequences in its third act though, and the fact that we never get to hear the iconic Gamera "roar" is a little puzzling to me.

This is a grand little flick though. Unfortunately, burnout from the Japanese public in regard to kaiju films (at least during the mid 2000s) KILLED Gamera the Brave at the box office, so this never received any proper follow-up. Still, it's kind of a precious little project. If you've got young children of your own, this is a great jumping on point for them when it comes to giant monster movies. Yes, they will have to read subtitles, but I think they'll be so entranced by the sights of little Toto fighting the significantly larger Zedus (or be charmed by his silly, albeit familiar antics when he's still hand-sized) that they won't mind. It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime and Arrow Video's own streaming service (which also houses the entire Gamera franchise, save for this year's Gamera Rebirth on Netflix, but I'll get to that eventually).

And now for a complete tonal shift! It was through the now-defunct Shock Waves podcast that I first learned of 2017's Terrified (no, NOT the one with the psychotic clown) from Argentina, as it made several of the hosts' top 10 flicks of the year. Going into the film, I knew next to nothing, including the plot or even what subgenre this would fall under. While I think you ultimately could classify it as supernatural horror film, there is a lot more to deal with besides the spiritual. Grief and suburban fears play a fairly big part of what makes certain scenes in Terrified so effective.

I don't want to give away too much information in regard to the plot, as I feel going into Terrified as blind as you can is what made it work so well for me. A series of very peculiar and violent events begin occurring around a small neighborhood in Buenos Aries, and a trio of investigators (two paranormal experts, one police commissioner) begin to snoop around in an attempt to discover why things have been going awry so often and so suddenly. Brief as that synopsis may be, I feel like it's just enough to not give away anything, as even the smallest of points in its first twenty minutes play a much larger part in the film's latter half. Ironically enough, that second half also kicks the film into overdrive by dropping some truly horrific imagery into your lap (though there are some spotty CGI effects once in a while), with some of the flick giving off the vibe like it's intentionally trying to hurt you. What's all the more effective is how deadly serious the characters seem to be taking this. There's no Hollywood pizzaz going on; it's ugly, dark, and dreary. 

If you're a fan of modern-day horror flicks such as Insidious or The Conjuring, there's a very good chance that'll you end up really enjoying Terrified. Personally, I think it blows the former out of the water and the latter wishes it had the balls to do to the Warrens what it does to these poor souls. Terrifically creepy and moody, with some of the best scares I've had this month so far. Turn off the lights, settle in, choose your watching area with the best sound output possible, and try to just put yourself into this world. It's currently streaming as a Shudder exclusive, though I hope that somehow it will make its way to a wider audience over time. Coincidentally, director Demian Rugna's next foray into horror (Where Evil Lurks) will be making its streaming debut this weekend on Shudder, and I for one can't wait to see just what the man can bring us in the future.

Aussie horror flick Lake Mungo may fit this yearly marathon better than most films I've previously reviewed, as save for a select few individuals (Jay Bauman from RedLetterMedia was the first one I heard sing its praises), I've heard virtually nobody talk about it. When it IS discussed however, people often swoon over its creepy nature, filming style, and how it's a shame that more people have yet to discover its greatness. Cliched as it may sound, you can add my name to the list, as this was yet another knockout for 2023's iteration of "Unseen Terror." See what happens when you're finally done with He Who Walks Behind the Rows?

I went into Lake Mungo knowing virtually nothing about the picture save for the fact that it was inexplicably released via independent movie production company "After Dark Films." The quality of the flicks distributed by them is debatably more varied than that of similar collections such as the "8 Films to Die For" series, but when they manage to land a hit, it's usually a fairly impressive one (2007's Frontiers from France is also worth seeking out). To my surprise, Lake Mungo is actually filmed as a faux documentary, which covers a family as they attempt to come to terms with the death of their daughter, but supernatural elements start to occur soon afterwards. Nobody is quite sure what happens after you pass away, but what if she didn't?

The movie employs a variety of different techniques to tell a fascinating story that you become so immersed in that you swear could be real. The actors speak about as normal as the people you see in your average documentary, and I'm not sure how much of that was improvisation encouragement given to them by writer/director Joel Anderson or if the script was just written very oddly. Found footage scenes interspliced throughout only add to the tension and make you feel just as uneasy as this grieving family does about the possibility that perhaps there is life beyond death. I would say that if I had one complaint it's that there are a few too many characters to keep track of, but all of them serve the greater picture in some sort of way. Removing even the most minor of figures such as the daughter's friend who has barely a minute or two of screen time lessens the impact of certain reveals.

This is the kind of little gem that I love to see. Lake Mungo is a very slow burn, but worth staying with. It's the project that films like The Fourth Kind or The Devil Inside wishes it could be, and it is further proof that Australia may very well be the most underrated country for delivering creepy films to the masses. It's currently streaming on a variety of services (I watched it on Shudder) and I think it's worth seeking out.

Unseen Terror 2023: Loungin' 'Round with Linnea (Days 11-13)

These past few days have been a little on the chaotic side, with my own birthday, sickness, and a bit of depression all delaying my ability to publish fully written reviews. Still, the show must go on. For future reference though, I may decide to publish these in clusters rather than individual entries. It's a little easier for me personally. Anyways, let's stop the rambling and talk about things. More specifically, let's talk about one of the all-time greats in the realm of horror cinema (more specifically, scream queens).

Horror fanatics are most likely familiar with Iowa stalwart Linnea Quigley, but for those who aren't, she's a noteworthy figure in beloved classics such as The Return of the Living Dead (in perhaps its most infamous scene), Night of the Demons, and Silent Night, Deadly Night. Those genre classics are only scratching the surface of the immensely talented 'B' movie queen's filmography though. In addition to being who many would consider the absolute top in the "trashy movie performers" tier list, she's also got a great sense of humor, body confidence, and knows her audience. For no reason whatsoever, I decided to dedicate these last three days solely to pictures starring Ms. Quigley. The results were (expectedly) mixed, but still worth discussing.

There are three things about 1987's Creepozoids that I think are genuinely entertaining: the poster is ridiculously great (though very misleading), the score is surprisingly well done, and Linnea Quigley is a hoot. When one discards those however, you're left with what is ostensibly a very poor knockoff of Alien set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland that looks suspiciously like the back allies and runoffs in California. Also, the word "Creepozoid" is never uttered a single time and the movie just kind of...stops. We get a lengthy fight with a mutant baby that sort of "ends between rounds" if you get my drift. A real slog, though not without some charm to be found. It's out there on Tubi for those who are interested. You can also watch co-star Kim McKamy in other.....erm, ventures if you like what you see here.

In what has to be a first for this marathon's history, we're now diving right into a workout video. Three years after Creepozoids' release, Quigley had become a bit of a darling in the realm of "cult" cinema. During the filming of 1989's Murder Weapon, the actress and another cast member jokingly talked about how physically strenuous it can be to do films of this nature. Thus, the idea of creating a "horror workout" film was born and completed within two days. In it, Linnea shows you how she manages to stay in such great shape all while avoiding zombies and murderers. In the actress' own words, "just because you're dead, do you think you can just let yourselves go?"

To be perfectly honest, I'm unsure of how to properly review Horror Workout. Much to my surprise, this turned out to be more of a compilation of Quigley's scenes from other starring/co-starring vehicles (most clips are from, ironically enough, Creepozoids) and a few moments where the actress breaks the fourth wall even further by jokingly chastising the audience for what she knows they're really doing during her films. Personally, I will plead the fifth. If you want to add this to your queue though, it's available via physical media or streaming (Tubi has the CENSORED version, which seems blasphemous). I'd recommend that if you still wish to spend about an hour's worth of your time (and DON'T want to shell out $23 for a Blu-Ray), it's available to watch on archive.org. I honestly forget that thing exists sometimes.

For the thirteenth day, I was searching far and wide to see if perhaps Linnea had appeared in a Friday the 13th film at some point in her career, but alas it did not appear so. Thankfully, she DID appear in another picture towards the end of the 1980s and while it lacks a killer sporting a jumpsuit and hockey mask, this flick entertains in its own weird way. Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (try saying THAT five times fast) is directed by the same individual who gave us the aforementioned Creepozoids (Full Moon Entertainment mainstay David DeCoteau, also of A Talking Cat!?! fame) and also features Quigley's old co-star Hal Havins from Night of the Demons alongside other scream queens such as Brinke Stevens and Michelle Bauer. Amusingly enough, all three of these wonderfully talented women have worked with director DeCoteau multiple times throughout the years: aside from having Quigley in Creepozoids, he directed the trio in Nightmare Sisters (also released in 1988) and had Bauer as a supporting character in Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge (aka the one where the puppets undergo a face turn and kill nazis. It rocks).

The story is focused on a group of five college students (two of whom are sorority pledges, three of which are peeping toms caught by said pledges) who are ordered to break into a bowling alley during afterhours in order to nab a trophy. While there, they run into a burglar (Quigley) who helps them retrieve the trophy, but during a slight mishap it falls to the floor and breaks. In a very strange twist, an evil imp (calling himself "Uncle Impie") pops out and the story essentially turns into a very silly take on the classic horror short "The Monkey's Paw." Admittedly the bar has been set so low throughout the first half of this year's Unseen Terror, but I got a real kick out of this whole thing. The performances (even if some of them sound overdubbed) are all quite fun and I suspect that everyone knew what they were signing on for here. The evil Imp also sounds like Kevin Michael Richardson doing an on-the-spot impression of Barry White, which is absolutely insane, but it works. True, the kills are nothing to really write home about here, but I feel as though the main goal of SBitSBOR (I am NOT typing that whole thing out again) is just to sit back, turn off your brain, and have some goddamn fun. Thankfully, it delivers that in spades. It's out there to stream on Tubi and I'm fairly certain that there is a Blu-Ray out there to purchase rather easily.

Anyways, I'm off to stuff myself full of medicine and hope I'll be able to type more eloquently for future reviews.

Unseen Terror 2020: Days 13-15

My apologies. This has been one hell of a stressful week, so I've been behind a bit on writing reviews this time around. If I could receive some tips from people about potentially switching over to do video reviews from now on, I may just do that for future entries.

Anyway, it's pretty late where I am so let's just get these over with.

 

When Thirteen Ghosts (a.k.a. Thir13en Ghosts) was released in theaters, I distinctly remembering just rolling my eyes at the trailer and outright dismissing it. Similar views were shared by seemingly every film critic across the country, because god DAMN did this thing get torn to shreds worse than even the most idiotic of films to come from the horror genre. Over time it seems as though the movie has garnered a bit of a cult following, and a lot of modern horror critics champion the flick for being what amounts to essentially a bloody funhouse ride (it IS a loose remake of a William Castle work after all). And you know what? They're absolutely right, and I'm willing to eat a big bowl of crow in regards to my initial, unfair disdain for a picture that I hadn't even bothered to sit down and watch.

Thirteen Ghosts' fairly basic concept revolves around Arthur (Tony Shalhoub) inheriting a rather large fortune (and most importantly a house) from his deceased uncle. When he, his kids, and their nanny decide to settle in at the new place, they soon discover that it is infested with a number of malevolent spirits. They're joined by a psychic (Matthew Lillard) with connections to Arthur's uncle, and they begin to look for a way to escape the wrath of these violent souls. I gotta tell you right off the bat: the story is pretty damn dumb and very predictable if you've ever watched even one paranormal horror film. The acting is also insanely over the top, with Lillard and antagonist F. Murray Abraham competing to see who can chew the scenery better (though their on screen interactions are sadly kept to a minimum). Lillard in particular seems like he is trying to channel his best Nicholas Cage and Aliens-era Bill Paxton. Without him, I don't know if the film would be nearly as enjoyable as it is. Unfortunately, a lot of the other cast members are just kind of.....there. Shalhoub is doing a perfectly fine job, but his daughter (played by American Pie's Shannon Elizabeth) feels like an afterthought and ultimately turns into nothing more than a damsel in distress. I'll give props where they're due though: the titular ghosts themselves make for some unique-looking monsters.

Far from a masterpiece, but definitely nowhere near the turd that would make Roger Ebert's "Most Hated" list just four years after its release, Thir13en Ghosts is worth a quick watch if you are searching for some entertaining early-2000s schlock. Heck Lillard's performance alone is worth the rental price!

My familiarity with 1982's Madman came from only ever seeing its poster at both video stores and assorted message boards. It's a simple, yet effective design that stands out even amongst the sea of seemingly endless slasher movies that would be dumped into theaters during the decade of excess that everyone loves to romanticize these days.

I wish I could say that I liked the actual finished product itself though. As far as expectations for this year's Unseen Terror marathon go, this is the first real disappointment I've experienced (those later Texas Chainsaw movies don't count because I had no expectations for them). Madman boasts a recognizable lead performer in the form of Gaylen Ross of Dawn of the Dead and Creepshow fame (albeit under a different name), but outside of her presence and a couple of admittedly nasty kills, it's a very standard "summer camp killer" motion picture. There are far too many moments where it just slows to a crawl, and while I'm normally content with slow burns in the realm of horror, this was starting to put me to sleep and make me wish that I was watching The Burning instead.

In fact, unless you're a slasher completist, go do that instead before wasting your time with this one.

I was fully prepared to review the yearly episode of Treehouse of Horror from The Simpsons, until I realized that I had actually jumped the gun a bit: that doesn't air until this upcoming Sunday. Much to my surprise, I discovered that I never got around to viewing LAST YEAR'S episode though, so the day was saved. And it's....fine. If you know me, I've never been shy with expressing my adoration for Matt Groening's most famous creation(s), though after the tenth or eleventh season, my interest starts to wane. Despite the dip in writing quality and the show's insistency that it be even more "pop culture friendly" these days (seriously, an ENTIRE episode based around Lady Gaga coming to Springfield?), these anthology episodes are something that I try my damnedest to stick with. The episode opens with a surprisingly funny parody of The Omen that also reminds us that this is the 666th episode of The Simpsons. Best. Coincidence. Ever? The first full segment is a Stranger Things parody that centers around Milhouse disappearing and feels like more of an excuse to shit on the character's repeated attempts to win Lisa's heart. It does have an amusing ending gag though. The second story is essentially what would happen if Homer died, went to heaven, was sent back to Earth due to a botched deal with Google, but couldn't return in his own body. It provides a few chuckles here and there, but save for seeing how many bodies Homer can "take over," it's probably the weakest of the lot. The third and final piece of last year's Treehouse of Horror is a parody of The Shape of Water with Selma Bouvier falling in love with a captive Kang. It's fairly cute with an ending that recalls one of Futurama's more bizarre plot twists and episodes, but something struck me as being very depressing while watching it (plus the aforementioned opening): Julie Kavner really needs to just settle down and retire. She sounds like she can barely pull off ANY of these voices anymore, and seeing as how she recently turn 70, I think she's earned a right to just count her money and let them audition a new Marge. I know that might sound blasphemous, but at this point I don't really care. Anyway, this episode as a whole is perfectly cromulent.

That brings us to day fifteen's Arc de Triomphe: the absolutely batshit insane Tobe Hooper-directed creation known as The Mangler. I have VERY specific memories of this Stephen King adaptation: while I never saw the film in its entirety as a kid, I do recall seeing its opening sequence and being absolutely flabbergasted at the sight of a middle-aged woman being pulled into a giant laundry press and being turned into a bloody pile of mangled (hardy har har) flesh. Anyway, after that very memorable moment, we're introduced to office John Hunton (portrayed by a mushmouthed Ted Levine of The Silence of the Lambs fame) who is naturally disgusted by the news of this very unusual death. He reconvenes with his brother-in-law Mark, who just so happens to be an expert demonologist and after several more mishaps around the area involving large appliances and gruesome deaths that are all linked to the blood covered apparatus, is convinced that the press is possessed by an unknown entity.

In the traditional sense of the word, The Mangler is not a good movie. The acting is comically over the top, the concept ludicrous, and the scares mostly muddled in trying to gross you out more than genuinely scare you. It is also insanely fun, which is no doubt due to whoever was in charge of casting. Levine getting the chance to portray a hero for once in his career must not have settled well with him, because he still acts a bit squirrely like he did in the film that made him famous years before this was released. He has nothing on the immortal Robert Englund however, who is designed to look (and seemingly act) like he belongs in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic or television series. Every moment that he appears on screen, the world of The Mangler just gets better and better. Stephen King's original short story that this is loosely based on was a largely humorless one, but with how silly and joyous the final product is here, you might have trouble believing that the two are even affiliated with one another.

I've seen The Mangler get annihilated by some horror historians over the past couple of decades and that makes me very sad. If you can't have the same type of fun with a gloriously wacky, violent, and unusually charming flick that I had, I feel a little sad for you. Much like Thir13en Ghosts, it most certainly won't go down as a classic in any field, but it is provides you with an undeniably entertaining time.

Unseen Terror 2020: Day 2

Well this was....unexpected.

Okay, I was well aware that the sequels in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise were of varying quality, but to say that I was awaiting something more akin to a dark comedy than a full-on intense horror flick ala its predecessor would be a lie. Alas, it does appear that director Tobe Hooper was fully on board with the decision that should a sequel be created to the film that made him an in-demand name, it should be the complete opposite of what preceded it by twelve years (infamous film distributors Cannon were reportedly not a fan of this choice). It's a goofy, over-the-top, and bloody slasher with very little in the way of deeper meanings or commentaries. It lacks the grimy and eerie realism that made the 1974 film so shocking and respected.

And yet.......it's also ridiculously entertaining and kind of a joy to watch.

The plot for the second movie in what is a surprisingly large film franchise technically begins with an explanation that due to some very odd technicalities and bumbling, the brutal and cannibalistic Sawyer family were never captured by authorities and are on the run. Hell, there's a contingent that doesn't seem to believe that they even exist! After massacring (ha) a couple of rowdy teens who were harassing a young disc jockey nicknamed "Stretch" over the phone, they proceed to track down and terrorize the young lady due to the possibility of her having recorded their killings. Elsewhere, former Texas Ranger Boude "Lefty" Enright has seemingly turned vigilante and is in pursuit of the murderous family who just so happen to be responsible for his nephew's death over a decade ago. Once the credits began to roll on TCM2, it struck me how eerily similar this was to a motion picture released two decades later: Rob Zombie's The Devil's Rejects. I won't venture into spoiler territory (and usually don't unless I REALLY hate the film), but the fact that both feature a man of the law in pursuit of a demented family who killed someone very close to them, they star the amazingly talented Bill Moseley in what are arguably scene-stealing roles, and are noticeably different in tone or style when compared to their predecessors is very peculiar. I'm almost certain that this is a combination of a passionate love letter via Zombie and pure coincidence. But let's get back to this bad boy before I get sidetracked.

As mentioned above, director Tobe Hooper wished to film Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as a straight up black comedy rather than an intense horror movie, having believed that the more comedic elements of the first picture went by almost completely unnoticed when audiences first viewed it (I'll include myself in that list). In some regards it works. Writer L.M. Kit Carson concocts an unabashedly silly script that turns the murderous and psychotic Sawyer clan from the first film into a more demented version of a cantankerous, squabbling sitcom family. Jim Siedow is one of the only performers to return this time around, and his portrayal of family head and meat connoisseur Drayton Sawyer is still solid overall. Considering just how iconic Leatherface has become in the horror world, I think it's a bit of a shame that Drayton is glossed over by casual fans of the genre. Leatherface (naturally) makes a return as well, although he's played by a different actor this time around (something which apparently becomes a regular occurrence throughout the series) and his new mask has certainly seen better days. There's a side plot which seems to imply that perhaps he isn't as evil as society believes he is, but it never really amounts to much when the final twenty minutes kick in. I might disappoint some of my friends when I say that he came across as a bit of wasted potential this time around. 

The same can not be said for franchise newcomer Rob "Chop Top" Sawyer (played by an absolutely crazed Bill Moseley). He is a living cartoon character come to life, and even if he does feel like someone who could've been thrown into a Batman book, he is just so damn charming and legitimately funny. I can see why he has developed a rabid cult following. As luck would have it, we also have a much more well-developed "final girl" this time around too in the form of Caroline Williams' spunky "Stretch." I mean no disrespect to the late Marilyn Burns, but I felt as though she was more lucky than anything during the entire ordeal of part 1. Williams, on the other hand has some legitimately great moments of character growth and sports some real chutzpah during moments of serious peril and danger. The only newcomer that I wasn't enthusiastic about was protagonist Lefty Enright (played here by the late Dennis Hopper). True he has a good motivation for everything that he does, but more than anything else, he feels like an afterthought and shows up in the nick of time towards the end so that he can participate in what is admittedly a very cool scene involving dueling chainsaws. He isn't a bad character per se, but perhaps he was just outshone by everyone else around him.

There was a very small part of me that was prepared to dislike The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 just based on how much I ended up loving its predecessor (call it sequel trepidation I suppose). I am always happy to be pleasantly surprised though, and if you can go into this with a bit of a open mind (and a tolerance for gore), there's a high chance you'll be smiling throughout a lot of its running time. As of this writing, the flick is available to stream via Amazon Prime and a collector's edition Blu-Ray from Scream! Factory shouldn't be too difficult to track down.

And now, some parting words for racists, fascists, and all-around pieces of human trash via Mr. Moseley:

Unseen Terror 2019: Days 11-13

Hey, it was my birthday weekend. I'm not slacking off...yet.

Anyway, let's dive right in. You may notice a trend with the past three days' worth of flicks.

For the day of my actual birth, I made the lazy decision to cheat. That, and I realized several things when deciding on what to include for this year. The first was that every time I've tried to include something from the year 1985 for the eleventh entry of this yearly marathon, my options were becoming a lot more limited. That might have been a glorious year for cinema, but in the realm of horror, I had seen damn near everything of importance. The second thing I noticed was that I had not sat down to watch Lamberto Bava's splatter classic Demons in nearly ten years. Hell, the receipt from when I purchased it was still inside of the case (side note: I apparently purchased Phantasm, Godzilla: Final Wars, and C.H.U.D. during the same transaction). Seeing as how I expected that most of the time during my birthday would either be spent working, having an expensive dinner, or drinking enough to kill an elephant, I felt like a cheat day was earned. It also means that I won't be fully required to write a lengthy explanation as to why you should not only watch Demons, but own it too.


As expected from most Italian horror cinema from yesteryear, Demons' plot is completely bizarre. A number of people receive mysterious invitations to attend an early screening for an unnamed movie. Without giving away too much, the actions of one of the patrons (Geretta Geretta of Shocking Dark fame) and some eerie, surrealistic moments in the feature itself leads to the crowd slowly, but violently turning into psychotic creatures hellbent on nothing but killing and "converting" anyone in their path. That strange premise carries over into the absolute madness that follows, and Lamberto Bava (son of famous Italian filmmaker Mario Bava) directs this wonderfully wacky bloodbath with a very "rock and roll" attitude by adding in as many shocking moments as he can while giving you a feeling that nothing is off limits. If you're a fan of practical effects and gore, especially of the absurd variety, I think it'd be very difficult to hate Demons. The sequences in which one theatergoer's teeth and nails begin to fall out or warp are pretty revolting in the best way possible. These absolutely horrendous moments are usually accompanied or preceded by a rollicking heavy metal-led soundtrack, which features cuts from acts like Saxon, Accept, Motley Crue, and some original compositions by Goblin's Claudio Simonetti. The inclusion of the latter is most likely due to his relationship with producer and coworker Dario Argento, who while primarily known for his giallo works, does seem to lend a hand in helping Demons feel like an otherworldly fever dream at times.


I've always found it difficult to nitpick pictures that I truly love, but I suppose that I should bring up something before I move on: Demons, despite its twisted, fun nature, does have a tendency to not make much sense at times or throw in some stuff that ultimately amounts to nothing. There's a very striking character who gives the audience a vibe that indicates there may be something sinister behind those eyes, but it turns out to be a red herring with no real answer given in the end. I'll also add that the very end of the flick is kind of a middle finger to the audience, but it doesn't detract from the overall experience.


Not sure what else I can add here (plus I do have two more films to cover below). Go watch Demons if you have a strong stomach and/or are in the mood for something fabulously zany. Grabbing a physical copy of this can be a bit of a pain (my DVD from Anchor Bay isn't too expensive though), as the Blu-Ray from Synapse Films is now out of print, and the Blu-Ray from Arrow Video won't work on most players available in the U.S. As luck would have it, streaming service Shudder has both Demons AND Demons 2 available to watch whenever you'd like, so hop on that if you don't feel like spending in the double digits.



Speaking of Demons 2, let's dive right into that one. And much like my review for Halloween 5, there may be a small amount of spoilers here if you haven't seen the prior picture.

Following the surprising success at the Italian box office (fun fact: Demons outgrossed A Nightmare on Elm Street that year in Italy), filming began on Demons 2 only seven months after the first flick's theatrical release. Striking while the iron is hot wasn't entirely surprising, but this is both the sequel's strength and weakness, because while not lacking in the areas which made the first picture so beloved, its flaws are a bit more glaring by the time the film is coming to a close. This time around, the story seems to indicate that the events of the first Demons were possibly fictionalized, as there are several occasions where characters are watching portions of it on television. During a party in an apartment building, a young woman named Sally is transfixed by footage of the movie, and it leads to a demon emerging from a television set to attack and transform her into one of them. Afterwards, she proceeds to slaughter and infect partygoers and we ostensibly get most of what we saw in the first Demons: people getting torn apart, weird shenanigans, gruesome transformation sequences, a rock-inspired soundtrack (this time primarily comprised of post-punk and gothic rock bands like The Cult, Fields of the Nephilim, Gene Loves Jezebel, and the Smiths), and a LOT of gore.


Watching Demons 2 made me realize something that perhaps I pushed aside too often in regards to the first film: the characters are, for the most part, pretty vanilla in both of these pictures. Actor Bobby Rhodes is arguably the best performer in both pieces (playing a different character in each movie), and he is such a glorified scene stealer that you can't help but smile every time he pops up on screen. I'm sure that transitioning from a smooth pimp to a gym instructor certainly takes some talent, and even if he's dubbed over, he's so naturally charismatic that it makes you sad he never became a bigger star outside of his native country. As for the rest of the cast though, they're a real mixed bag. A very young Asia Argento makes her acting debut here, but she serves no purpose and her inclusion feels more like nepotism on the part of her father serving yet again as producer and cowriter. Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni on the other hand is pretty dang great as unofficial demon leader Sally, and I look forward to seeing her pop up on here again should I ever get around to watching Dario Argento's Opera. Those three performers are about the only ones worth mentioning for this sequel, because the rest feel just like corpses with an expiration date that's coming sooner than later or underdeveloped protagonists.


Though it does feel like a cash grab and makes even less sense than the first film, Demons 2 is also fairly entertaining and watchable, if only for the gore alone. These two Lamberto Bava films could make for an ideal combination to put on in the background at a party (depending on how long you want it to last). As I stated above, this is also available for streaming on Shudder, though unlike its predecessor, a Blu-Ray seems to be easier to obtain this time around. I've heard very good things about Synapse's release of this piece, but I'm not willing to spend much on this one....for now.




Now, I'm well aware that Demons and Demons 2 were originally conceived to be part of a trilogy by producer Dario Argento, but the writer/director for the third entry felt that such a film should be treated with more respect and of higher quality. Ultimately, a trilogy never came about, and we ended up with 1989's cult favorite The Church.



I am not going to be reviewing The Church. That film will make its way onto the marathon some other time.



Instead, I had to stick with the word of the day and ventured into the realm of horror remakes that you and I most likely forgot existed.

I've reviewed all three of the Night of the Demons films over the course of several Unseen Terror marathons (links here, here, and here), and though I do share an affinity for all of them in some sort of capacity, I would never exactly call the franchise sacred or untouchable. Angela might be a very underrated horror villain, but she isn't Freddy Krueger or even Pamela Voorhees. So when I was reminded of this film's existence, I felt like there was some sort of moral obligation to add it to my queue. And as it turns out, the 2009 remake of Night of the Demons is.....serviceable?


Plot-wise most of this remake stays faithful to the original. A bunch of youngsters.....erm, youngish people.....alright fuck it, human beings decide to attend a Halloween party thrown by the boisterous and strange Angela Feld, who has rented out a seemingly haunted house with a dark history behind it. Police eventually arrive and break up the rather loud gathering, but after everyone disperses, a small group reenter the house to find one friend who has passed out. One of the guests, a drug dealer named Colin, needs help finding something that he left behind, so he and Angela make their way into the basement. While perusing, they stumble across a group of skeletons, with one seemingly biting Angela when she attempts to remove a gold tooth from its mouth. Thinking nothing of it, they head back upstairs, but Angela begins to feel rather groggy, and things eventually take a turn for the worse.


One thing the remake of Night of the Demons does surprisingly well is satisfying your taste for blood. Though some of the kills are littered with lackluster CGI and peppered with stock "demon" sound effects, they are undeniably creative. There's a glorious face-ripping sequence which follows a seductive dance set to Type O Negative (this film's version of the Bauhaus scene from the 1988 picture), and they somehow manage to outdo the original's infamous "lipstick" scene by adding in a truly bizarre twist. The designs of the monsters themselves are also fairly well crafted with every single one of them having a different look. They also had the common sense to cast Linnea Quigley for a small cameo, and even give her the dress that she wore back in 1988. Kudos guys.


The negatives can't be ignored however, and they unfortunately bring down the overall fun factor. Considering all of the adoration I have for the 1988 original, this also suffers from the same problem of becoming quite stagnant after things die down for a minute or two. The third act of original series director Kevin Tenney's movie felt stretched out and there were periods where seemingly nothing happened other than people running around and freaking out while demons threatened them from hundreds of feet away. They try to sprinkle in some backstory of why these demons are doing what they do to keep things interesting this around, but it just leaves you kind of bored and waiting for things to get exciting again. It's also kind of a shame that some of this cast just isn't powerful enough to carry weak material or liven things up when it's sorely needed. Edward Furlong of Terminator 2 fame (who, and I'm gonna be eloquent, looks like total garbage here) seems to be barely awake throughout the film's running time and American Pie's Shannon Elizabeth is criminally underutilized considering that she seems to be relishing playing a villain for once. Major props have to be given to the casting director on nabbing Monica Keena for the lead role though. I've always felt like she was a very underrated final girl. Hell, she's survived both Jason Voorhees AND Freddy Krueger for crying out loud! Still, as solid as she is, she never gets a chance to shine or do anything of note until the final ten minutes of the movie. Boo. This version of Night also sports a very cheap "Redbox" look to it, with some of the accompanying audio effects and poor editing not exactly helping to dispel that argument.


Though nowhere nearly as terrible as its reputation may be (and that 4.7 rating on imdb is unnecessarily brutal), I don't expect to be revisiting the Night of the Demons remake within the near future unless someone asks me to. I do feel rather bad knowing that it bombed TERRIBLY (failing to make even a tenth of its budget back), so if you're still curious or just want to see some blood and boobs like the average horny horror fan, you can snag a copy on Blu-Ray or rent it through Amazon Prime for a few bucks.



Tomorrow, I'm taking a break from my demons (hyuk hyuk) and diving into some Blu-Ray action from back in the day!

Unseen Terror 2018: Day 5

Howard Hallenbeck and his family have traveled to Ireland so that he may research and photograph religious iconography. While he visits a church and meets the clergy, three farmers are out working in a field and attempt to remove a rather large stone column that's seemingly stuck in the ground.. Though two of the men call it quits and head home, the last of them is successful, and smoke erupts from below. Something sinister and otherworldly has awakened: the demigod known as "Rawhead Rex," and his thirst for blood is insatiable.



My familiarity with Clive Barker's "Books of Blood" collections isn't nearly as strong as my knowledge of the films that have his name attached to them. Obviously his most well-known of these adaptations is that one little ditty that he also got lucky enough to direct, but the rest of his works have received mixed reactions from fans and audiences alike. Prior to when moviegoers were exposed to the world of the Cenobites, one of his short stories was given the big screen treatment. Not long after its theatrical release, this effort known as Rawhead Rex was also disowned by the British author himself. But was he right to dismiss the final product?

Around the same time (a.k.a. almost immediately after the credits on this had rolled) that I decided to watch Rawhead Rex, I was lucky enough to listen to some audio recordings of the story itself on YouTube. Perhaps I should have put doing something like that aside, because it just makes watching this all the more disheartening. You can see why Barker was upset, because while the aura throughout the movie itself is unmistakably that of the man himself, there is just a lot working against it. First and foremost, Rex himself is just....okay, there is no point in being nice here. Rex looks BAD. Rather than resemble a towering, nine foot tall demon (google his name, and you'll be shocked about what he looks like on paper vs what he looks like on screen), he is far more similar to a professional wrestler wearing a bad latex costume. Reportedly, the effects crew had only been given less than a month's worth of time to create the design of Rex, and the rushed results show. Thankfully, actor Heinrich von Schellendorf does a fairly competent job at playing the titular villain, even if he does appear to be cheap-looking. The rest of the cast is fairly forgettable (save for Ronan Wilmot's character of a priest gone mad), but most of them are only present so that they can appear startled by the entire experience. David Dukes is fine as the main protagonist as well, but prior to something unexpected that happens around the time of the third act, he's not the most interesting of people to watch.


Though I always expect some gore to be found throughout most works of Clive Barker, there is still some surprisingly decent violent bits thrown into Rawhead Rex. One small taboo is broken later on, which definitely took me (and likely you) by surprise. It adds another layer of drama and heartache to a film that so desperately needed it. Making matters better, the third act just seems to say "screw it," and goes into full-on Bonkers Barker mode. People are getting thrown around Royal Rumble style, there's a big explosion outside of a church, and Rex does something quite unthinkable with a cleric that will stick with you regardless of your opinion of the picture as a whole. It almost makes up for the first two thirds being so inconsistent and mostly mediocre. Almost.


This bad boy really is a tossup for someone like me. It's absolutely messy and ultimately more goofy than I'm sure it ever intended of being, but even the tiniest of positive aspects about Rawhead Rex still make it fairly watchable. If you can get over the absolutely stupid-looking monster design and the fact that it does slip into dull territory once in a while, there's a reasonably fun "B" movie to be found. This black sheep of Cliver Barker-affiliated projects can be found on DVD and Blu-Ray from Kino Lorber, and from what I've heard, the 4K restoration from the original negative makes it look like an entirely different film.



Or you can wait for Clive Barker's proposed remake that he expressed interest in doing three years ago. I'd be shocked if that gets off the ground before a much needed Hellraiser remake or reboot.



Tomorrow, we're going to keep it classy and let the Criterion crew help us with the sixth day's entry!